A/N Trigger warning - brief discussion of past childhood rape and sexual assault (not graphically described)

Chapter 30

Back in the Batcave, Damian and Osito were curled up in Jason's lap on the sparring mats eagerly showing him the photos that Alfred had sent them of various styles of cake decorating.

"So, you see, Baba," Damian said in Arabic to Jason, "frosting and piping work, which I have been learning, is only the start of the journey. Much like good posture is the beginning of swordplay work, but breath technique comes even before that, followed by stretching."

"Because if the sponge is not well flavored and appropriately textured," Damian went on, "it matters little if your cake is beautifully decorated."

"If the blade isn't sharp, your thrusts have no point," Jason said back to him in Arabic and Damian fell over giggling as Jason smiled.

"Fortunately, Osito's blade is always sharp," Damian said with pride.

He glanced across the cave at Tim and Steph, who were still making out and cuddling in front of the Batcomputer, and then surreptitiously lifted Osito's head off to show his spinal shiv to Jason, who raised a very amused eyebrow.

"Did you put that there?" he asked Damian.

"Of course not," Damian scoffed. "Bane did, when he was a child in prison. That's how Osito saved his life once. But I keep it sharp," Damian said. Then he frowned angrily.

"Incompetent Grayson exposed Osito's innards to the whole family when Osito slid down the bannister. He was supposed to catch him." Jason snorted.

"He missed?" he asked with a slightly derisive edge to his voice at the thought of Dick the Dickhead.

Damian made a rude noise.

"No. He caught Osito, but in such a haphazard manner that his head fell off." Jason grunted in a very Bruce-like manner.

Damian craned his head around to look at his older brother-slash-father.

"You do not care for Dick Grayson, do you?" he asked him point blank.

Jason, feeling startled, asked Damian slowly, "Do you care for him?"

"Yes," Damian said. "He is sometimes incompetent, although less often than Drake or Brown, but he is most respectful to me and treats me as his equal."

"Oh," Jason said with surprise. "That's good."

"He is a better detective than me," Damian said honestly. "But he spends time teaching me how to improve. Detection was not part of our training in the League, as you know, Baba, aside from gathering intel on a potential victim."

"Yeah," Jason sighed. "I know. I'm so glad you're here with Pops now, habibi," he said genuinely.

Because even if the kid was with Bruce, who had completely fucked up with Jason, at least Bruce hadn't been the one to shove Damian into violence and a suit. That had been the heartbreakingly brainwashed Talia.

And now the kid was interested in making cakes and opening a bakery one day, and although he still wanted to be Robin, too - and even though he was currently Bat-mite - well, even Jason could admit that was better than being an assassin.

Jason knew firsthand that some scars were too painful to outrun, so better to use them for something good instead of getting depressed trying to avoid thinking about them. That was why he had become Red Hood.

The skill for assassination that Talia had honed to perfection in him, his inner violence stirred to an even more insatiable level by the Lazarus Pit, and Bruce's originally instilled mission of justice - Jason had tried to live a normal life when he first got back to Gotham, but the siren call of those three deeply ingrained disciplines made normality impossible.

Jason was beyond grateful, though, that he'd finally managed to find balance as a result of marrying Harley. She was so happy to have a house-husband, and he was happy to be one, but Harley also had enough amends projects and special operations floating around his periphery that Jason was able to find relief for his irrepressible itch for action by occasionally jumping in and helping her out.

Giving up his full-time commitment as Red Hood had been amazing for his mental health, but only because he had Harley and home-making to focus on in the rest of his life, coupled with the ability to dip his toe in the hero waters every so often.

When Damian had called Jason full of enthusiasm about 'Grandfather's plan for world domination via a Gotham bakery,' Jason had been relieved and pleased to hear that the kid had formed some future plans outside of being Batman.

With luck, having an outside vocation that he was truly passionate about would enable Damian to escape the kind of brutal life that Bruce and Dick led as non-stop vigilantes. A life which the two teens, Steph and Tim, seemed ridiculously eager to pursue; but then again, Harley was also non-stop devoted to her masked work.

Although, Jason knew that in his wife's heart, she wished that she could still be a psychologist. She'd adapted to what life had brought her, however, and since unlike Jason, her violent past was as a criminal rather than as a hero, she was unwilling to walk away from the vigilante game to pursue her own interests when she'd hurt so many others along the way.

God, she was so selfless and Jason was so looking forward to having her back in his arms tonight. But Damian was asking him again about Dick.

"Tell me, Baba, why are you and Dick Grayson at odds with each other?"

Jason sighed long and hard as the knots of past hurts tightened in his stomach. He and Harley had talked about it again this week, after she'd met Dick and Babs at the manor.

Jason had been saddened to hear that Dickhead had apparently moved on after Jason's death to being a dick to Babs. Once upon a time, wayyy back when Jason was first adopted, Dick had clearly adored Barbara too much to ever say a harsh word to her.

Needy for approval and codependent, Harley had diagnosed him, and she'd surmised that after Jason's death, Dick was left with only Babs and Bruce as the two 'safe' people in his life that his pent-up toxicity could overflow on.

Honestly, Jason was surprised that Babs had stayed with him, but she was loyal and she'd really loved Dick back when they were teenagers. Apparently, she still did. Despite his fuckery. Although how she managed to have such a generous heart towards the dickhead, Jason did not know.

He might need to ask her for tips.

Because Jason wanted to do his part and repair the broken ties that everyone in the Batfamily was tripping and cutting themselves on, but fuck, he hated Dick. At least with Bruce, he'd adored him once, before Robin.

But Dick? Yeah, he'd always lived up to his name where Jason had been concerned.

Damian was peering up into his face looking for an answer, though. Jason sighed again.

"The thing is, habibi," he said slowly, "Dick was a real asshole to me when Bruce adopted me. He was jealous, I guess, and him and Bruce were fighting a lot back then, and then Bruce fired him from being Robin, and…" Jason trailed off, realizing that perhaps he shouldn't tell his seven-year-old pseudo son quite everything.

Like the fact that Dick had ragged most of all on Jason for being a whiny, entitled brat with a victim mentality.

The number of times that thirteen year-old Jason had heard the much older teen sneer at him about how not rough his life was, because Jason's parents had only died, not been murdered… how Jason hadn't had to give up his future career and his entire extended circus family when Bruce had adopted him…

"What did you lose?" Dick used to hiss at him with a razor tongue whenever he'd catch Jason moping around the manor. "Enrollment at a shitty public school? You still live in the same city, Jason, so what are you crying about?"

"I lost my entire life when my parents got killed," Dick would say viciously.

As if that was Jason's fault. As if what Jason had lost in the thirteen years that he'd lived in Crime Alley with an abusive dad and a drug-addicted mom mattered less than Dick's peachy-keen circus life.

As if Jason hadn't lost other things, more traumatic things, things that he would never dare to speak about to an asshole like Dick.

For the life of him, Jason couldn't make sense at first of how everyone at Dick's school seemed to adore him. Dick's phone was always ringing and vibrating with texts and messages and he always had social plans, and the beautiful and kind Barbara Gordon looked at Dick like he was some kind of angel.

Too bad she'd finally learned which side of heaven Dick was from.

The first weekend that the manor had been filled with Dick's friends, though, Jason had finally understood. Dickie, the circus acrobat, was still living his best life as a circus performer.

The dazzling smiles he'd throw around the room as surely as he must have once thrown himself off of the trapeze, the way his eyes would light up with an inner bounce that radiated out of him like an impossible number of clowns tumbling out of a tiny car, his charismatic energy that could calm the bite out of a tiger…

Yeah, Dick was a showman.

But when the lights went down and the tent was rolled up and the circus moved on? Jason had to live with the asshole who hid under the makeup and pizzazz.

"I will tell Dick that he should apologize to you so you can forgive him," Damian said very seriously. "He apologized to me when he failed Osito. I believe he will do the right thing."

Jason gave Damian a little smile. He didn't want to break the kid's faith in Dick's maturity, but Jason wasn't going to hold his breath that Dick's words would have any meaning behind them, no matter what he might say.

"He and I will talk," is what Jason said to Damian, though. "Hopefully we'll be able to work things out."

"Yes," Damian said gravely. "It was very enjoyable to have him and Barbara over to compete on bannister sliding with us. I would like them to come again when you and Harley are here. Everyone has more fun when Harley is here," Damian observed.

Jason's smile broke out huge all over his face.

"Harley makes everything better," he said wholeheartedly and Damian nodded in agreement.

"So does Bane," he said. "But Bane makes everything more peaceful and Harley makes everything more fun. And I like both," Damian said with a little smile.

"Me, too," said Jason, even though Harley gave him as much inner peace as she gave him reasons to laugh. But she was his girl and he got special treatment.

"Speaking of apologizing," Jason said, remembering something Bane and Harley had both talked to him about. "I need to talk to the Replac- er, um, Tim," he stumbled.

Damn, it was gonna be hard to change what he called the kid, but he felt legitimately bad that he'd lashed out at the new Robin. Especially when Harley had reminded him during their fight about it to think of how bad Dick had always made him feel by being a jerk.

He really hadn't meant to be an actual asshole to the kid; it had just been a stressful night last week: being back at the manor, telling Bruce about how they'd lost Talia, then realizing how badly he'd fucked Damian up by leaving him behind with her, and oh by the way learning that Damian had thought that he, Jason, was his actual father - that was some heavy guilt to get a taste of with Bruce and Al standing right there, who Jason had still been resenting the hell out of. And while the family dinner that night had gone ok, by the end of game night Jason had felt himself hanging on by a thread, his patience ready to snap due to his emotions being on overload all day long.

So when Damian had made the cute crack about being superior to Tim… well, Jason's damn mouth had gotten the better of him. And he'd been an ass. But he didn't want the kid thinking he hated him. Hell, he didn't even really resent him - the crack had been a jab at Bruce in actuality, not even meant for Tim.

Because dammit, Bruce was apparently Jason's safe person to snap at, too. Just like he was for the Dickhead.

It had been an unfortunate slip-up on Jason's part that his bite had gone straight to Tim's face and Bruce had only gotten sprayed with the fallout. He should have snarked at Bruce directly. Or not snarked at all.

But Jason was far from perfect. And now he had an apology to make and some amends to figure out.

He slung a giggling Damian and Osito onto his shoulders as he got up from the mats and walked back over towards the Batcomputer, where Tim and Steph had at least downgraded from sucking face to cutesy lovey-dovey nose boops and flirtation.

"Batgirl, Robin," Jason said dryly as he approached. Tim turned sideways in Steph's lap to glance at him and his look of apprehension sliced Jason's conscience up worse than Osito's sharp shiv would have sliced his jugular.

"Hi," Steph said cautiously. "Welcome back," she offered. "Harley's really missed you."

"Thanks for talking to her the other night, to help calm her down," Jason said appreciatively to Steph, who looked a little surprised at his remark.

Jason hesitated, wondering if it would be best to talk to Tim alone or with Damian and Steph present. Damian saved him from making the decision.

"Rob wishes to apologize to you, Timothy Drake," Bat-mite announced from his shoulder perch. "And then you must forgive him."

"Oh I must, must I?" Tim said with a tease in his voice for Damian, but Jason caught the look of relief on his face at Damian's words as the tension around his eyes relaxed slightly.

"Whether you forgive me or not is up to you, kiddo," Jason said, settling himself down in Bruce's chair with Damian still sitting on his neck like a little king. "But I do want to apologize," he said. "I wasn't really pissed off at you the other night and I didn't mean to snark at you like that about being my Replacement."

"Oh, ok," Tim said slowly. "Thanks."

"It had been a pretty stressful day," Jason said to him. "And I was tired and bitchy."

"Well," Tim said, his lips quirking as Damian impatiently put his little hands on his hips and gave him a look, "I forgive you." Damian nodded sharply in approval.

"Thanks," Jason said with a little laugh, guessing from Tim's face and the movements that he could feel happening over his head what Damian was up to. "I'll try not to be an ass anymore," he said.

Tim and Steph gave him a little smile back.

"So," Jason said, settling back a little bit in Bruce's quite comfortable chair, "you two got together since I've been gone, huh? And Harley told me about the Suicide Squad shooting up your school."

"Yeah, that was pretty fabulous," Steph said with a grin. "It's been a good week. Parts of it," she added with a small frown. Jason glanced at her.

"You and me should talk sometime, Blondie," he said to her.

"About what?" she said suspiciously. Jason met her eyes with empathy.

"About similarly scarred childhoods," he said quietly. Steph's eyes shot wide open and Tim jerked in surprise in her lap.

"You can talk now," Tim said quickly. "If you want. Me and Damian can go spar." He looked at Steph before getting up, though, to see if she wanted him to go. Steph gave him a slight nod and he squeezed her shoulder and kissed her cheek before standing.

Damian imperiously reached his arms out for Tim to pick him up off of Jason's shoulders. Tim laughed but scooped him up anyway.

"You are getting spoiled, D," he said as he set his little brother on the ground. "All these fathers and older siblings around now."

Damian sniffed.

"I work three times as hard as you, Timothy Drake. It is not possible for me to be spoiled unless you yourself are a veritable sloth."

Steph burst out laughing as Tim put his own hands on his hips melodramatically.

"I'll show you how sloth-like I am," he said with a grin. "Race you to the mats," he said and took off running.

"Catch Osito!" Damian yelled, tossing his bear at Jason as he sprinted frantically after Tim. Jason managed to catch Osito without losing the bear's head and he laughed as he set him down on the Batcomputer.

Steph gave him a shy glance before dropping her gaze.

"You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to," Jason said quietly. "Maybe Harley should've asked you first if you wanted to talk to me at all," he frowned. "But she was kind of messed up the other day."

"Yeah," Steph murmured. "We noticed. She told you what I told her?" she asked Jason hesitantly.

"Oh," he said guiltily. "Well, yeah. She told me everything," he said, running his hand through his hair. "She must have been off her game pretty bad if she didn't ask you first if she could tell me," he said. "She normally wouldn't share something like that even with me without somebody's permission."

"It's ok," Steph said softly. "Did you tell Bane? Or Bruce?" she said in a slightly more worried voice.

"No, no," Jason said quickly. "And Harley wouldn't have, either," he said. "That much I know. It's just being married, we don't keep a lot of secrets from each other," he said ruefully. "I know she wouldn't spill your business to anyone else, though. For sure," he said.

"Ok," Steph said. She sighed. "So…" she said slowly. "You, too, huh?"

"Yeah," Jason said. He fiddled with his hands for a minute. "The first time was rape," he said.

"Well," he half laughed but it wasn't a funny sound. "It's always rape with a kid," he muttered. "But my dad, Willis, sometimes he'd leave for weeks at a time, and my mom was a drug addict so we never had money, especially when Willis was gone…"

He looked back up at Steph.

"I learned real fast how to make money so I didn't starve," he said quietly.

"Shit, Jason," Steph said in dismay. He sighed.

"I survived," he said. "It haunts me, though," he muttered.

"Yeah," Steph whispered. "Harley is the first person I ever told about what happened to me. Except my dad, and he didn't believe me. He said. But then I think he killed the guy and I felt so guilty about it. I still do," Steph muttered. "Even though I don't want to."

"Yeah, Harley said you were struggling with that," Jason said sympathetically. "It must have been really rough as a kid to feel like you had life and death power over someone," he said. "And frightening, too, I bet," he said.

"Yes," Steph said, leaning forward a little bit. "I felt like I'd murdered him by speaking up. Even though I knew what he did was wrong. It was still so awful to realize that he'd died because of what I said."

"He didn't, though," Jason said. "He died because of what he did to you and what your dad chose to do back. But your dad wouldn't have done anything at all if that asshole hadn't attacked a defenseless little kid. That was all on the perp, Steph," Jason said.

"I think that's hard to separate out when you're a kid," he said. "I used to feel ashamed of myself for years that I'd turned tricks," he said. "But talking to Harley about it helped me see that it was my kid brain that couldn't distinguish who the shame really belonged to. I had to get my adult brain to put the shame onto where it belonged in the first place."

"What do you mean?" Steph said, frowning.

"Well," Jason said, "it's shameful that a kid had to turn to prostitution to survive. But the shame belongs on my parents, because they should have been taking care of me and weren't. And the people who used me and took advantage of my desperation, that was their shame, too."

"So, for you," Jason said, "yeah, there was guilt tied up in that situation with your dad's friend. But he was the guilty party for attacking you. I guess you could say your dad was guilty, too, of killing him, but I think you know where I stand on killing rapists," Jason grinned at her, and Steph had to smile back.

"I think as kids, we're more perceptive but we're less logical," Jason said, stretching his legs out in front of him. "You realized that somebody in that situation was guilty and you thought because you saw evidence of guilt, that it belonged to you. But it never did," he said.

"Seeing something doesn't make it yours. That's why you gotta teach kids not to steal," Jason grinned. "They don't know any better, that everything they lay their eyes on ain't theirs."

"Oh," Steph said. She chewed on her lip. "That… kind of makes sense," she said slowly.

"Give it time," Jason said gently. "Feelings don't go away overnight. Especially when they've been hounding you for so long."

"I'm really sorry all that happened to you, Jason," Steph said, meeting his eyes with some pain and tears in hers.

"I'm sorry it happened to you too, kiddo," Jason said. "Once it happens, it changes you forever. No matter how far the attack gets or doesn't get. You told the R - Tim?" he caught himself.

"Yeah," Steph smiled. "He was really supportive."

"Good," Jason said with a smile. "He seems like he really likes you."

"Yeah," Steph said, smiling more. "I really like him, too. Plus, he's my Robin," she grinned. "Babs informed me that I'm carrying on the legacy of Batgirls getting with their Robins," she said proudly.

"Guess I missed out on that one," Jason sighed jokingly. "I never had a Batgirl. But I got me a Harley," he smiled. "I got no regrets."

"OHHH!" Steph said excitedly, sitting straight up. "Harley's Batgirl this week! You do have a Batgirl, Jase!"

He raised his eyebrows and rubbed a slow hand over his jaw. His eyes flicked to his memorial case for a second.

"No," Steph said firmly, with undertones of horror. "Fuck, no, Jason. You are not putting that blown up suit back on. That's grisly. And it wouldn't even fit you anymore."

"I don't know," Jason said with a smirk beginning to appear on his face. "I think I might look quite dashing in those green skivvies," he said as he stood up and strolled over to the case. "And it's all spandex. It'll stretch."

Steph gave him a disgusted look of repulsion. He laughed.

"That's good, keep that look on your face, Blondie," he grinned, tweaking her nose. "You have your own Robin. But I think that my Batgirl," he said, peering around to try to figure out how to open the case, "my Batgirl will have quite a different look on her face when she sees me in these sexy green underpants," he said.

"Damian!" he yelled across the Batcave.

"Yes, Baba?" Damian yelled back.

"C'mere and help me break into this case. I need to get my old suit out," Jason yelled.

A gaping Tim trotted after the eagerly dashing Damian, who was quick to appear by Jason's side to help him assess the situation.

"Does it lift off, or what?" Jason said, trying to puzzle out how the solid glass box was opened.

"What on earth do you need your old suit for?" Tim said in horror.

"He wants to put it on for Harley," Steph said, rolling her eyes. "Because she's Batgirl tonight."

"Oh!" said Tim, perking up. "That's an excellent idea. She'll like it," he said with a grin.

"Tim!" Steph said in shock. He looked at her as Jason tentatively tried lifting up on the case.

"What?" Tim said to Steph. "It's Harley. She'll think it's hilarious."

"And sexy as fuck, I hope," Jason said with a smirk. "Plus, if you think about it," he mused, "me getting blown to bits in this suit was kind of like our first date. My lady saw me lying there dead on the floor and BAM! Just like that, she killed the Joker," he sighed dreamily.

Steph was staring at him with her jaw open, not sure whether to laugh or gag at the gruesomely romantic nature of Jason's brain.

"Are you going to fuck her in the Batcave?" Tim said eagerly, noticing that Damian had scampered off to look for a glass-cutter.

"Tim!" Steph hissed.

"No, I didn't mean - um," Tim blushed. "It's just that I should create a quick security lockout if you are," he said. "So Bruce and Bane don't come down and interrupt you later. Or Alfred," he added.

"Oh, can you do that, Repla-"

"Just call me Replacement," Tim sighed, rolling his eyes. "I won't take it personally."

"Thanks, kid," Jason grinned as Damian came running back with the glass tool.

"And, yes," Tim said, sitting down at the Batcomputer and starting to type away with relish. "It won't be a problem."

"Tim overrode Bruce's own security lockout, you know," Steph said proudly as Jason began cutting a hole in Bruce's gleamingly polished, smudge-free memorial case.

"I remember," Jason said, chuckling. "Me and Harley heard him screaming at Damian about it the night we had to come save your butts from Bane."

"Yeah, yeah," Steph grumbled. "We didn't get killed. We survived."

"How's that ankle?" Jason said with a catty wink. Steph picked her crutch up and smacked him on the butt with it.

"Hey!" Jason said. "This butt is for one Batgirl only, missy," he said sternly.

"She's wearing my suit," Steph said back. "So I get to smack your ass with my crutch. For being a jerk. Not because I want your ass. Because I have my own Robin's ass."

Damian looked at Steph, then at Tim, whose ears were turning bright red as he resolutely stayed facing the computer.

"Don't speak thusly in front of my child," Jason scolded Steph. "He is young and innocent and I will not permit him to be so corrupted."

"Ok, William Shakespeare," Tim said sarcastically from the computer.

"Don't belittle my William," Jason said as he poked his pane of cut glass through the case, where it fell with a thud to the floor next to his little green booties. "Or I shall have to kick your ass, young Robin."

Tim rolled his eyes without turning around while Jason giggled with glee as he carefully unbuckled his Batbelt from the mannequin and pulled it through the case.

"There's no way that's gonna fit," Steph said critically. "That part's not spandex."

"I can make do with the undies and the shirt," Jason said. "I wish I hadn't outgrown my boots, though," he sighed.

"I bet Harley could fit this, though," he said, looking at the belt more closely. "I'm gonna hang onto it," he said cheerfully, setting it aside.

"Bruce is so going to kill you when he sees what you've done to his display," Tim said in amusement, finally spinning around in his chair to see Jason's progress.

"It's my suit," Jason said peevishly. "And it's not like I'm still dead." Steph giggled harder as he tugged the vest off of the dummy and through the case.

"Shit," Jason said, when he realized that he'd have to take the mannequin's legs off to get the green skivvies off and out. "Habibi, can you fit inside here?" he asked the seven-year old, looking from the case to Damian to the size of the hole he'd cut.

"You may have to cut a bigger hole, Baba," Damian said thoughtfully. "Lift me up and we shall evaluate the situation."

When Harley rode into the Batcave later that night on the Batcycle, she was greeted by one very manly and scantily clad Robin stretched out seductively on the hood of the Batmobile.

As she squealed with joy and jumped off the motorcycle to run over to him, Harley noticed that her husband's ass crack was hanging out of his extremely tight green scaled briefs that conformed quite sexily indeed to his very erect package. He had squeezed his muscular arms into the sleeves of his spandexed Robin shirt, which was looking more like a crop top, especially as Jason had only managed to get exactly one button fastened.

"Hello, Batgirl," Robin said in a sultry voice, sliding a fingertip provocatively into his mouth. "I've been told that there is an established tradition in this Batcave."

"I turned the cameras off, too," Tim said to Steph upstairs as they walked Damian to bed, since Bruce and Bane had yet to emerge from the study.

"Oh, thank God," said Steph with feeling. Tim was sure that Bruce would echo Steph's sentiments twice as forcefully.

Once he finished yelling at Jason tomorrow about his memorial display being ruined, that is.