Chapter 9: Farewell

Gailien stands outside Fili's door, a hesitant hand raising to knock. Thorin is waiting back in her room, content to be left on her bed while she does what she needs to. Her knuckles rap on the wood softly. Fili's voice comes through the door, instructing her to come in.

Gailien opens it, finding Fili lying on his bed, propped up with pillows and Oin standing by his side. His trouser is pulled up on his right leg as Oin checks over the healing. Fili's face drops as he sees her, but it raises again into a surprised smile.

"How are you feeling?" he asks as she walks over to the bed.

"I think I should be asking you that," she quips, sitting on the opposite side to Oin. "How's he coming along?"

"Perfectly fine," Oin grunts with content. "Almost a miracle with all this walking you're doing." Fili shrugs innocently, sharing a sheepish smile with Gailien. Oin starts packing up his things. "I'll check on it again in a few days. Now I've got to go convince your stubborn uncle to rest his own."

"He's in my chambers," Gailien notes to the healer. Oin nods in thanks, strolling out of Fili's chambers. Gailien brings her legs onto the bed, crossing them underneath her. "But in reference to your question, I'm alright. And sorry if I said anything to you tonight, I don't actually remember it all that well."

"You don't need to apologise. But Kee's worried about you, make sure you talk to him."

"I'm going over there next," she replies.

"What happened back there? You were seeing something – I know that much, but it didn't seem to be a vision." He leans forward, resting a hand on her knee.

"It's hard to explain. It was like my nightmares, but I was awake, and I couldn't tell what was real or not. But to be honest, it's not something I want to talk about tonight."

"Alright," he agrees without missing a beat. "Is there something else you wish to talk about, or are you looking for some random conversation?"

Gailien smiles tenderly, leaning back so she falls against his pillows. "You always ask the sweetest questions? You know that?"

Fili shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly, also leaning back. "I just ask what I would want asked if I was in your position."

"I do have something to talk about," she admits. "But not just yet. I want to know more about your home. In the Blue Mountains."

Fili eagerly begins talking about his home-life, from his earliest memories. Gailien snorts as he talks about Kili being a problem child, never giving their mother a break and she can see how Fili grew into his role. They had always known Dwalin and they often had lessons with him, learning their swords and battle-axes but Kili learnt archery from Thorin. Balin gave them lessons on history, teaching them the way of the royal bloodline.

Before she realises it, another hour or so must have passed into the night. Either Thorin must be wondering why she is taking so long, or he has fallen asleep. Most likely the latter, since he had tired eyes when he returned. Fili sense her small change in demeanour and brings his words to a slow halt, waiting for her to speak up on what he knows plagues her mind.

"I'm leaving, Fee," she confesses quietly, moving her gaze from the Dwarf up to the stone ceiling. "I don't want to, but I need to." Fili stays silent so she continues to explain herself. "I'm going to escort Bilbo back to the Shire, then I shall return. I just… need to get away from everything for a while."

"Bilbo's leaving tomorrow," is all Fili says, frowning as he too looks up to the ceiling.

"Yeah," she whispers.

Fili's next words are so quiet that she almost misses them. "It's not because of me, is it?"

Gailien's back snaps up, sending sharp pain from her chest. "No," she gasps. "Of course not." Fili looks to her, still lying down. "You are one of the reasons I want to stay. To come back."

"I haven't been a part of your nightmares?"

Gailien shakes her head. "No," she answers honestly. "Leaving has nothing even remotely to do with you." Fili wipes a hand down his face, sniffling. "Malthen amel, you truly live up to your name."

Fili sits up suddenly, wrapping his hands around her back. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you more than you could ever imagine. But I'll come back, I want to see you all healed and Erebor restored." A tear springs from her eye but she quickly wipes it away. "I'm just trying to escape the hard labour of rebuilding this place," she jokes. Fili chokes out a laugh, squeezing her tighter.

"I don't blame you. We've got a long road ahead."

"But we have a long one behind us." She leans back, cupping her palms under his ears. "I can't believe we got to see Stone Giants. And escape what are known as unescapable cells. Killed the king of whatever that goblin-infested place was. Azog is dead, Smaug is dead. And a small company of thirteen Dwarves, and Hobbit, a half-Elf and the occasional wizard did that. If I don't see my name in at least one history book, I'm going to throw a storm."

Fili laughs heartfully, throwing his head back. "I'll make sure Ori writes your name in every language we can translate," he jests but Gailien nods seriously.

"You better," she adds with wide eyes. "Or I'm going to have to search the entirety of Middle Earth and do it myself."

"I don't doubt you." Gailien's hands drop to her lap, a soft smile playing at her lips, happy with how this conversation with him went. "But if you're going, you are going to have to take something with you."

Gailien watches in curiosity as Fili pushes off his bed, hobbling over to his coat that has been thrown lazily over an ottoman. Digging into the coat, he retrieves a familiar dagger. "I'm not going to just be gone for a few days," Gailien sighs, touched by the offer. "I won't be back for months."

"Then keep it sharp," he quips, sitting back down and holding it out to her. "Last time you didn't take it, you couldn't promise that you would come back. But now you can, so you will."

Gailien scrutinises him for a moment but slowly her hand reaches out to Ardoth, the grip familiar under her fingers. "I promise."

"Good," he declares. "Now, not that I don't want to spend as much time as I can with you tonight, it's already late and I know you haven't spoken the Kee yet." Gailien nods in affirmation, nervously running her fingers along the flat of the blade.

"Do you think he'll be angry?" she asks cautiously. She has no idea what his reaction will be, so she can only imagine what she would feel is he did the same to her. And though anger would not be the first emotion, it is certainly a possibility.

"Maybe," Fili answers with candor. "But my brother absolutely adores you. If he's angry, it won't last long. Tell me if he is and I'll speak to him before morning and make sure you don't part on bad terms."

"Thank you." She squeezes his hand, looking towards his door. "Bilbo's leaving at first light so be prepared to be woken earlier if you're not already up. But have a good sleep, I'll see you in the morning."

Fili squeezes her hand as she stands. She walks over to the door, half out of it as she gives him once last glance over her shoulder. Smiling, she closes the door behind her and begins walking to few short meters to Kili's room.

She raises her hand to the door, clenching and unclenching her fist. Her cheek may as well be bleeding by how hard her teeth dig into it but nevertheless, she knocks on the door. The response from the other side is a one-worded grunt and she can already tell he's not in the best mood.

Braving her own fears, she pushes the door open. Kili's room is much like his brothers. A single large bed in the middle of the furthest wall. His things are strewn about, but mostly the things she knows that he cares little for; his clothes and shoes. His personal weapons though, are neatly placed on a small weapons rack against the left wall near the small hearth.

Kili himself stands near the rack, fiddling with one of the battle-axes, not even glancing over his shoulder to see who his guest is. He listens to their feet, only looking back once they stop a good distance away from him.

"Oh," he mutters. "Hello."

Gailien sucks her lips between her teeth, glancing around the room as Kili turns back to his weapons. Knowing that it is her turn to speak, she slowly walks forward. "Why so glum?" she questions, trying to keep her tone light and steady.

Kili shrugs, dropping his hand from the weapons. "Long night," he answers. "And the music was loud."

"You've never complained about music before," she notes, resting a hand on the back of his arm. "I also wish to apologise, if I contributed to the dampening of your night. I did not mean to speak harshly to you."

"It's ok," he mumbles, glancing down at her with a tiny smile. "I just didn't know what to do."

Gailien frowns, moving her hand from his arm to around his back, linking it with her other and rests her chin on the end of his shoulder. "Smile, Kili. I don't like it when you're sad." Kili gives her an exasperated look, tilting his head to his side. He pulls his lips into a sarcastic smile. Gailien scoffs, pinching his side. Kili jolts away from her hand but can't escape her arms and she grins as a true smile hints on his face.

"Don't you dare," he warns lowly, resting his hands on her arm around his stomach, ready to push her off at any second. Gailien continues to grin cheekily, then pinches his side again. "Stop!" He folds in on his side, tugging at her arms but the smile grows bigger, so she does it again. The laughter falls from his lips as she tickles his side and he relentlessly tries to escape her enclosure.

"What, don't you like being tickled?" she taunts, manoeuvring with him as he bends himself away.

"Stop!" he cries fruitlessly again, barely getting the single word out through his painful laughter. Eventually, he firmly latches onto her hands. Deciding that her job has been done well enough as he gasps for breaths, she lets him pull them away from his side. Kili breathes heavily, holding her arms up in the air, well out of reach of any body part. "I hate you."

"You have a funny way of showing hatred then," she teases, tugging her arms down but laughs as his grip tightens, holding them higher above their heads. "Are you in a better mood now?"

Kili breathes heavily throughout his nose, nodding with a small smile. "Yeah. But are you feeling better now too?"

"For the most part," she answers as Kili drops her hands. She begins to explain for what feels like the hundredth time that night what had happened. They move over to his ottoman which is situated in front of the hearth which has a small fire going as Kili listens with open ears.

"Maybe Gandalf will know what to do," he offers as she finishes talking, looking to her with wide, hopeful eyes. Gailien smiles softly, gripping his hand which she has pulled into her lap.

"I think I already know what I need to do," she replies. "And I think Bilbo can help me."

"Bilbo?" he repeats, drawing one leg underneath him as he turns more to her. "But he's leaving tomorrow."

Gailien purses her lips, nodding slowly. She watches as Kili's face drowns in confusion and her heart begins to crumble in her chest. Her bottom lip quivers and she reaches up to the back of his head with her free hand, running her thumb across the nape of his neck.

Kili's face slowly begins to drop, his eyebrows closing in together. "I don't want you to."

"I don't want to either," she croaks out, tears beginning to spill over onto her cheeks. "But I have to. I don't know what else to do. I'm coming back – as soon as I can, I will come back." She huffs loudly, dropping his hand to wipe her face. "What did I tell you about making me cry."

Kili leans forward, resting his forehead against hers. "You promise right? That you'll come back."

"Of course," she answers firmly. "Who else is going to stop you spilling breakfast on yourself."

He laughs half-heartedly, dropping his head into her shoulder, closing his eyes as he winds his arms around (being overly cautious of her still healing wounds). Gailien sighs, changing her arms to a more comfortable hold as his grip doesn't loosen. They sit there, for spirit's know how long, leaning against the back of the ottoman. Her eyes grow tired, already well into the night but she won't let go until he does.

Gailien begins to hum the tune that she did back when she braided his hair, letting the tips of her fingers scratch lightly on the back of his neck. Her tears don't stop but with her hands occupied, all she can do is scrunch her eyes tightly shut in hopes they don't fall.

Then one of his hands loosen around the back of her blouse, dropping to the seat of the chair. Tilting her head slightly to the side, she finds Kili's eyes still shut but with slow even breathing. He's fallen asleep.

Slowly she pulls her own arms back, leaving his head on her shoulder so she can hold him up as she pulls her legs off the ottoman. His other arm drops, her own wrapped around the back of his head and shoulders as she kneels on the side. Letting him drop, he falls back onto the chair, his head resting against a small cushion. Gailien pulls his folded legs out then walks over to his bed, pulling off the top blanket.

She lays it over him then goes to the hearth, adding another two logs so it would stay going until the early morning hours. Then, tiptoeing out of the room, she silently shuts the door and rests her back against it.

Not forever, she tells herself again. She's coming back.

Opening her own door, she smiles fondly as Thorin is quite clearly fast asleep in her bed, lying face down with a blanket half thrown over him. Removing her shoes, placing Ardoth carefully on top of her pack, she climbs into the bed, digging herself under the covers as her own fire isn't going.

Thorin shifts, taking a long deep breath at the movement. His eyes peel open, watching as Gailien stares up at the ceiling, wet tracks down her cheeks. His reaches out, sliding his hand softly over her stomach.

Gailien's head falls to the side, meeting Thorin's eye. "That was hard," she whispers. "They were the first people in four hundred years…" She drifts off, feeling her throat clench. She turns on her side, pulling herself to his chest and his hand moves around her waist.

"It's never easy to say goodbye," he says with rasp, still drowsy from sleeping. Gailien nods, moving her leg to rest over his, resting her head under his shoulder. "Let me guess? Kili didn't let go of you?" Gailien nods, smiling through a soft laugh. "He used to do that with his mother when he was a babe and I was to look after him. I had to peel his fingers off Dis one by one as he screamed. He had the same grip on hair." He reaches up, adjusting his braid in reminiscence of the pain. "He always was more of mother's boy."

"I can see that," she muses. "I'm guessing Fili was the opposite."

"He certainly was," Thorin chortles. "Always running off and finding things to use as weapons. I have a scar on my leg from where he got me with a sharped stick. Kili would try and follow him but got lost. He cried so loud we always found him." Gailien giggles, digging her forehead into his chest, tracing her fingers down his navel. Thorin's hand slips under her loose blouse, drifting over the skin on her back, mimicking her movements. "One day Dwalin suggested that we don't go after him and eventually he stopped crying and wandered back home or found his brother."

"Fili told me he was the trouble child."

"That might be too strong a word," he notes, drifting off into thought as his expression changes. "No, he's right. Kili was a trouble child." They both laugh. "Still is sometimes. But you love them, nevertheless."

"I was a trouble child." She smirks, turning onto her back, resting on Thorin's arm who leans closer, changing their position so his legs rests between hers. His other hand moves to her stomach, pushing the blouse up to trace patterns on her stomach. "But I think my brother was worse. Always running off, talking when I wasn't supposed to. Walking in on meetings."

"I see why you both get along so well."

"That's probably it," she agrees, smirking slightly. She turns back on her side, winding a hand around his neck. "We should get sleep. I'm not sure Bilbo will appreciate his escort falling asleep half-way through the first day."

"Are you sure you need sleep?" The hand from her stomach moves down to her hip, pushing onto the bone in circles before running over the front of her thigh then up the back of it, settling in between them from behind. Gailien bites her lip, nuzzling her head into his neck, kissing it lightly.

"When I return," she promises.