Disclaimer: All Gilmore Girls content belongs to Amy Sherman-Palladino.

Chapter Thirty-Four: A Patti Smith Envelope

A newspaper ad circled in red ink had led them to the cozy one-bedroom four blocks over from Truncheon and six blocks from campus. It was only late April, earlier than Ella was expecting for them to find something. But she had finished finals, had booked gigs working at the art camps at the college over the summer. She had a few weeks off to make art, and hopefully help out in Truncheon. After touring the place, it felt right. An excited tightness in her stomach. Jess, too, had squeezed her hand in elation as soon as they walked through the door. The place had built-in bookshelves on the far wall, the bedroom on the other side. Ella didn't believe in signs, but even she could agree it was as close to perfect as they were going to get.

Luke had offered to help without even being asked. Chris, Matthew, Leo, and Mabel were all participants to different degrees of willingness, and they hardly needed any more bodies. But Luke insisted the minute Jess had told him the moving date over the phone. It was likely he needed some sort of distraction since April had moved to New Mexico anyway. She wasn't going to be back until the summer. And it seemed neither Luke nor Lorelai had come to their senses about each other yet.

He rolled up to Philadelphia in his truck two hours before they expected him. He claimed moving wasn't moving if there wasn't a truck to help out. Packing up all the stuff in the apartment was easier than Ella expected, just as it had been when she moved out of her childhood home. Jess could be cluttered sometimes, but nowhere near the level of Chris, and most of Jess's belongings consisted of old band t-shirts and marked up books anyway. Ella, likewise, had most of her records stuffed in the back of her car. The dresser fit in Chris's SUV after a fair amount of squeezing stuff in. The bed was the real challenge. It turned out Luke's truck wasn't such a frivolous vehicle, after all.

A drizzle was just beginning to fall from the gray, cloudy sky as they finished moving all the boxes inside. The apartment, on the second floor of some ancient building, was not exactly up to twenty-first century standards. The pipes were old and cobwebs gathered in the corners. A splinter or two jutted out from the worn down wood floors, golden brown under the dim lights. But the bohemian rug and many lamps they'd scouted out from the thrift shop a week earlier were already proving helpful. Boxes, labeled with mostly Jess's scrawled, cramped handwriting, were stacked high in the corner of the living room, others gathered on the cracked tile of the kitchen counter.

Ella blew the stray hairs away from her eyes, otherwise pulled back in her black bandana. Her bangs were growing longer, and she was just becoming able to fully tuck them behind her ears. Roses of flushed color bloomed on her cheeks, her skin hot and sticky. Chris had already sprawled out on the dark gray couch, Leo on the arm. The couch, too, was secondhand, bought for ten bucks at the ReStore off the interstate.

"You really should be paying us," Chris huffed, throwing his arm across his eyes.

Ella scoffed from where she was helping Matthew and Mabel unpack the kitchen. There was actually not much to be done, as Jess and Ella were planning on getting most of their supplies in the following days. There were a few mugs, bowls, spoons. "Consider it payback for the amount of times I've made you pie."

"I was under the impression those were 'no strings attached' pies," Matthew chimed in.

"Or, at most, 'friends with benefits' pies," Mabel added.

Ella rolled her eyes. "Fine. I'm taking advantage of all of you. I'm eternally in your debt. But I think we got everything, if you guys wanna get outta here."

The four of them exchanged glances, eventually coming to a consensus they were exhausted enough to leave and retire to the cold pizza in the fridge at Truncheon. Ella suspected they were excited to have their own rooms for the first night in forever, as Chris had already made work of moving his stuff into Jess and Ella's old room, before they had even finished moving out. She gave them sweaty hugs and salutes goodbye, finishing with unloading the meager contents of the new fridge.

"Hey, Jess, we're outta here!" Leo called.

Jess's head appeared from the doorway to the bedroom. "Good. Better to save yourselves now before World War III breaks out in here."

From beyond the bedroom door, Luke could be heard grumbling obscenities and fighting with the new bed frame he was struggling to put together.

"See you on the other side, then," Matthew said, smiling. "Also known as Monday."

"We'll see if I make it until then," Jess shrugged, offering them a small wave. "Thanks, guys."

"You are not welcome," Chris grunted, trudging out the door.

Mabel gave Ella one last hug before exiting the apartment, shutting the door softly behind her. A grin broke out on Ella's face. She and Mabel had gone on more than one lunch together, had even gone shopping once. It was new and Ella was still a bit worried the timid woman would be scared away from a friendship with her, but they were slowly getting to know each other.

As Jess continued grappling with Luke, who went on grappling with the bed frame, Ella finished with their groceries. The kitchenware was more or less unpacked to a decent level. The books were next on her list, followed by the records. Rounding the corner of the counter into the living room, she stopped short of the book boxes.

She put her hands to the hips of her jeans. There were a few water spots on the popcorn ceiling, reminding her of Truncheon. The air smelled cozy, but more of lemon Pledge than anything else. Someone had dusted the built-in bookshelves in the initial flurry of unpacking. During the walk-through of the place, Jess had pointed out the corner next to the couch as the perfect spot for an easel. Looking over it, with familiar furniture moved in, the place seemed more real. Less like a dream for the two of them. The terrace past the small sliding glass door was empty, but she thought maybe they could fit a few chairs. It wasn't as though the view was spectacular, just a vision of the city street below and the other apartment building opposite. But it was more than enough for two people who had both lived out of their cars for extended periods of time.

An odd sense came over her, one of total novelty. Never before had she had a real say in her home. Her parents lived in the blue house in Stars Hollow before she was born, Lane had moved into her house with Zach and Bryan long before Ella started sleeping on the couch, the apartment above Truncheon had been a simple convenience to everyone involved. But she and Jess had chosen the apartment together. They had admired the cheap price, the proximity to work, the odd seashell tiles in the bathroom. The place seemed to have been built before the contemporary requirements of architectural uniformity. It had a mind of its own inside: a leaky sink and a brick exterior and shag carpet in the bedroom. Not altogether a surprise, considering it was in the artsy housing district near the campus.

"Dammit!" she heard once more from the bedroom.

Heaving a tired but cheerful sigh, she crossed her arms over her Clash t-shirt (borrowed from Jess) and entered the bedroom, to the left of the living room and kitchen, opposite from the tiny bathroom. Luke and Jess were both hunched over the metal frame, trying to hold both the headboard and the footboard up and attach the middle section. Their faces were angry and red, frustration radiating off of them.

"Hey, so, it's past seven," she announced, eyebrows raised at their trouble.

Jess jumped slightly, his back to her, at the sound of his voice. The footboard slipped out of his grip.

"Oh, for the love of-" Luke began.

"It's fine," Ella interjected calmly, going over and placing a hand on Jess's upper back. He panted but said nothing as his uncle continued fussing.

"Where did you even get this? There's no damn instructions!" Luke said, readjusting the hat on his head.

"The discount store," Jess answered, glaring down at the frame and over at the mattress, which stood leaning against the wall near the dresser. "Not all of us have diner money to fall back on."

"Anyway," Ella continued, "I bet we could all use some food. Jess, maybe you could drive Luke down to that place on Birch and get some sandwiches? I can finish with the bed."

Luke shook his head. "Ella, I don't think-"

"She probably can," Jess interrupted dejectedly. "I don't know what it is. Maybe it's those sculpture classes. But she can fix anything. Not just showerheads and cash registers."

"I'll believe it when I see it," Luke said, raising his hands in surrender and leaving the room. He went to grab his coat from the messy pile by the front door.

Ella stifled a laugh. "My god, he'll never change."

"Why is he coming with me to get the food?" Jess asked under his breath.

"Because I think he'll have a stroke if he doesn't stop with this bed. And he doesn't know where the place on Birch is. You do," she explained, giving him a peck on the cheek before going to try her hand at the bed.

Shoulders sagging with fatigue, Jess gave a begrudging nod, then glanced back over his shoulder. "Fine. Hopefully he'll be less Vesuvius and more Mauna Loa by the time we get back."

"Not everyday you hear a good volcano metaphor," she quipped, assessing the middle section of the bedframe and deciding to take it apart altogether.

"I know. Imagine how dull your life would be without me," Jess shot back, a small smirk tugging at his lips despite his frazzled state. "Turkey?"

She nodded. "You know me too well, James Dean."

"Agreed," he said with a teasing laugh.

"Fuck off," she replied through a chuckle.

Jess's smirk grew as he turned on his heel to leave. "Love you back, Stevens."

. . .

The windshield wipers of Jess's rust bucket screeched against the glass as he rolled down Birch Street, away from the sandwich shop. A white paper bag full of subs sat in the passenger seat atop Luke's lap. In one hand, Luke held a bouquet of deep red tulips. Jess hadn't remembered the florist shop where Ella had worked the previous summer was right down the road from the sandwich place. He'd stopped in for the bunch of blooms as they waited for their order to be filled. The plastic wrapper around the bouquet crinkled in Luke's fist as he braced himself, Jess rounding a damp corner.

"I told you we should've taken my truck," Luke grumbled.

Sighing, Jess fought to keep his jaw untensed. "My car's fine. It's driven us across the country more than once."

"Before or after it broke down on the highway and Coop had to have it towed back to Stars Hollow?" Luke asked, his voice tired and strained.

"Not sure. I know for a fact it was after you stole my car, though," Jess retorted, eyes on the slick roads. He wished the radio was on, but the memories of Luke whining about his album choices were still too recent in his mind.

Heaving a large sigh, Luke gave a shake of his head. "Fine. I give up."

"Thank you," Jess muttered.

"You're welcome," Luke shot back irritably.

But then he looked over at Jess. His hair was no longer greased, his clothes fit better, his eyes were clearer. Most of the time, his brow was no longer drawn in anger or his face a scowl. Even his posture was different; straighter, brighter, more self-assured. And then he thought of Ella. She looked much the same as she had during her last few weeks at work, with her wide smile and loud laugh. The smiles were more frequent, though, and she seemed so relaxed around her friends. Even around Rory she had sometimes seemed a bit nervous to Luke, as though she were worried over a misstep.

Luke couldn't contain the small grin on his grizzled face. "I'm really proud of you, Jess."

Snorting a laugh, Jess spared Luke a quick glance before turning back to the road. They were only a few minutes away from the new home, but Philly traffic was never reliable, even on a Saturday. "Let's put away the pom-poms for now."

"I'm just sayin,'" Luke began with a shrug, "got your own company, your own apartment with Ella. You really seem to be doin' great."

Jess gave a short, humble nod, but took a long pause before he spoke another word. "Lorelai proposed to you, right?"

Luke's brow crinkled. "Yeah?"

"But you proposed to Nicole?"

"Yeah."

Humming under his breath, Jess gave another nod. Red brake lights glowed in the rainy evening darkness. "When did you know...how you wanted to propose?"

"Jess, are you gonna propose to Ella?" Luke asked, eyes going wide and smile growing.

"Never said that," Jess answered nonchalantly, shaking his head. "Just never really delved into that part of your personal history. Figured I'd ask. Maybe I wanna get to know you better, uncle dearest."

Rolling his eyes at Jess's old patterns of behavior, Luke didn't let his smile waver. He looked down at the bouquet in his hand. "Well, considering it was an impulse cruise ship marriage, not a lot of thought went into it. It just sort of happened. If you're asking me how to propose to Ella-"

"Which I'm not."

"-then I'd say she loves you and she'll say 'yes' no matter what. And I'd say that you know her better than anyone in the world, and you shouldn't...second-guess yourself. Do what feels right."

"And did an Elvis impersonator marry you two on that cruise?" Jess continued.

Luke bit back another sigh. "No, wiseass. It was a regular minister."

"Huh," Jess chirped wryly. "You learn something new everyday."

. . .

Patti Smith spun on the record player as the rain grew stronger outside. Though it was a pain in the ass to unpack the record player, Ella decided it just wouldn't truly be home without the grace of music on the first night. Luke had left about an hour earlier, though they insisted he could stay over. He said he was nervous enough leaving Lane and Caesar in charge of the diner for one day, and he didn't want to be late for the morning shift the next day. It made Ella roll her eyes, but eventually she gave up trying to convince him. It wasn't as though she expected Luke to change his ways. The tulips sat in a mug of water on the kitchen counter, to be placed in something fancier and on something fancier once they actually had a makeshift dining area. For the moment, only the big pieces from the old place and the bed were filling up the small apartment. Ella had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at Luke's face when he saw she had put the bed together all by herself, finished before they got back with the sandwiches. An expression of extreme frustration had slowly melted into pride. Both were memorable.

Between Jess and Ella, who sat cross-legged on the floor on either side of the coffee table in the living room, was a half-eaten pie. One of the few leftovers from Truncheon they had lugged over to put in the fridge before an actual grocery run. The apple crust was a bit soggy, but the filling was surprisingly good cold. She found herself so wholly content as they sat together: eating pie, listening to records, in the dim lamplight of the first place which was solely theirs. It all struck her with a force she wasn't expecting. She chuckled to herself as she grabbed another forkful, eating away at the half they had not even bothered to cut but just dug into instead.

"What?" Jess asked through a sweet mouthful, furrowing his brows at her.

She shrugged. "I don't know. Doesn't this all seem a little...surreal to you?"

"Does what seem surreal?"

"Just...we have an apartment together. And you own a business. And I only have a year left of grad school. I just...sometimes I can't believe it's happening. I can't believe it turned out the way it did. You don't feel that?" she asked, lowering her eyes sheepishly.

He cracked a small, crooked smirk. "I don't know. I always just sort of thought I'd end up where I'd end up. And here I am. With you. Not a bad place to be."

She rolled her eyes, a blush coloring her cheeks. "I know about your Kerouac philosophy. But just...when you first met me, did you ever think in a million years this is where we'd be now?"

"I didn't know exactly where we'd be. But, I knew I'd land somewhere. I didn't know if I'd land with you, but I wanted to. Maybe it's a little surreal, but it doesn't surprise me," he explained, leaning his elbows onto the scratched wooden surface of the table with arms crossed.

Snorting a laugh at his insouciance, Ella finally locked eyes with him again. "It just feels a little too good to be true, I guess. I mean, you go to school your whole life, you work towards something your whole life. Once it happens, once you're near the end...I just never thought it would actually happen. I don't know what's next."

She tugged at her earring with her right hand. Jess noticed the chipped blue polish on her nails, though they weren't bitten down. He couldn't quite decipher her mood. Not that she seemed sad or distant, but he could tell she was having a hard time articulating herself. And he could tell she was letting an old worry creep up on her; she was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

He allowed his smirk to grow into a full smile and dropped his fork into the pie tin. "C'mon, you're gonna figure it out. You know you are. I'm the directionless one. You've always been able to do anything. You're plan girl."

Ella gave a mirthful scoff. "You're not directionless, Jess. And I'm not plan girl. Rory was always plan girl. I was try-to-make-it-to-the-finish-line-without-tripping girl."

Jess hummed thoughtfully, about to reply. But she spoke again before he had a chance to.

"I thought you had a thing for her, y'know," she said, taking another bite of pie.

"Who?"

"Rory."

"Really?" Jess asked, and he couldn't hide the bewildered amusement in his tone. "When was this?"

She shrugged and narrowed her eyes for a moment in memory. "Just when you first got to Stars Hollow. I mean, you hated Dean, and you like a lot of the same things, and you seemed to get along with her."

"No. It was pretty much always just you," Jess said, shaking his head slightly. "Maybe we liked a lot of the same stuff, but...I didn't ever feel like she...got me like you do."

"Oh, she didn't, Kurt Cobain?" she teased, raising her eyebrows. She put her fork down in the tin next to his, her stomach full. Her eyes were beginning to get tired, her body starting to ache from the day of moving. She was glad the bed was put together.

He raised his hands in joking defense. "Hey, I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true. Remember that night she was tutoring me?"

"The night you crashed her car? Yeah, it rings a bell," she replied.

"Yes, that one," Jess continued, smiling sardonically at her. "We were talking about the future. And she kept getting on me about how I had to do better and I had to go to college, just like she did, or else I would have no life."

The smile which tugged at Ella's lips was slightly bitter but mostly fond. "Sounds like Rory."

"Everyone in Stars Hollow thought I was the antichrist. Maybe Rory didn't, and maybe we were friends, but she definitely wasn't okay with who I was then. Maybe she thought, with enough Schoolhouse Rock videos, she could get me to shape up," Jess continued, taking small glances out the sliding glass door as he spoke. He could see a sliver of the city lights past another building on the right side. It was better than the bland brick wall and the dumpster which served as his view from the room in Truncheon.

"Hey, she is an amazing tutor. If there was anyone who could've converted you to the Ivy League conveyor belt, it was her," Ella said.

"Yeah, but you and I both know school was never the way I was supposed to go. It was the way you were supposed to go, but you didn't try to get me to be anything other than what I was," he told her, voice light but eyes sincere.

Ella felt her heart skip a beat, but shrugged again. "I don't know. I definitely tried to get you to ditch those CDs."

"The exception that proves the rule," he replied.

"Speaking of, I figured out how I'm gonna organize the books," she said, tossing a look past his shoulder at the empty shelves.

"How is that a 'speaking of'?" he asked, a confused smirk coming over his face.

"I'm doing genre, then alphabetical order by author. The way you used to do your CDs when we were in high school," she explained.

"Oh." Jess had his eyes trained on her, watching as she undid her bandana and ran her fingers through her mess of blonde hair. He chewed on his bottom lip. Then, after a pause filled only with Patti Smith's poetry, he blurted out: "Y'know, you were the first person I ever said 'I love you' to. The only person."

Her gaze softened and she nodded. "Me too."

"No, Stevens, I mean anyone. Not just Nora Ephron kind of love. Not family either," he said, most insistent, though he did his best to keep his tone nonchalant. As though it were just a run-of-the-mill fact about his past.

She stopped for a moment, brow crinkling. "Your mom never said it to you? Not even hippie dippie Liz?"

"No. We weren't that kind of family. She wasn't that kind of mom."

A crease of concern deepened between her brows. Every time it had come up before, she assumed both of them meant romantic love. Familial was a different beast. But she had to remind herself never to assume with Liz, no matter how she seemed. Jess had arrived when Liz was a binge-drinking nineteen-year-old.

Before her brief interlude in the 'love doesn't exist' frame of mind, before her mother's death, Ella's world had been filled with 'I love you's. Mostly from her mother, in her soft voice, with her delicate perfume. Some from her grandmother, and even from her father. And after, Lorelai had sometimes said them in passing. Rory, too. The three words, no matter how commonplace they could sound, were important, she knew. Especially when they weren't uttered, or stopped being uttered.

She opened her mouth to say something, then bit the inside of her cheek and hesitated. Rising from her place, she rounded the corner of the coffee table and went over to him. Jess tilted his head at her in askance, but she only answered him by sitting down in his lap, straddling him as their noses drew only inches apart. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and simply hugged him. For a moment, he sat motionless, his muscles tense. It wasn't the reaction he'd been expecting, if he'd been expecting one at all. But then, he circled his own arms around her waist. They sat there, breathing slow and clinging to each other, for a long time. Patti Smith droned on around them, enveloping them.

Eventually, she pulled away and ran her fingers affectionately through his hair. He looked up at her, unsure of what to say. Fortunately, she took the lead, gaze unwavering as she spoke in her quiet, husky voice.

"Jess, you're the fucking best. You're my favorite person. And you're gonna be hearing 'I love you' every day for the rest of our life," she assured him, matter-of-fact. "So, I suggest you get used to it."

"Right back at ya," he replied after an awestruck pause, just before their lips met.

In spite of the fuss over the bed frame, Jess and Ella ended up spending the night on the worn rug in the living room, nearly naked underneath the first throw blanket they could find in the boxes around them.

Author's Note: Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you thought! Feedback nourishes my soul!

ForeverTeamEdward13: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it!

aldupotterbing: Oh my gosh I'm so glad you enjoyed Eleanor gushing about Jess! I've been experimenting with symbolism and parallelism in this fic ) And yes I loved being able to write the selfless part of Eleanor as she helps Jess through his panic attacks. Also, having them be there for Luke was very fun and emotional to write (especially since parenthood is such a major theme in this story and in Gilmore Girls). And I'm so happy you liked the part where Eleanor realizes how she feels about the future! Your comments were so lovely and absolutely made my day! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and I hope you like this chapter!