Chapter 36

Remus came over to Sirius' to witness the war going on with all the child rearing fiasco. He hurried in and took charge.

"Oh, Sirius."

He all but said that he was really the son of Black family for not being able to perform a tiny task of cleaning the kitchen table. Of course, Remus knew better not to say the 'b' word in front of Sirius.

The tall boy pushed the latter out of the way and flicked his wand over the table. Spilled milk and crumps disappeared and with another flick, cups and plates organized themselves on the shelves.

"Thanks, mate", Sirius heaved a sigh of relief. He didn't know why, but cleaning charms are always difficult for him. He simply couldn't make thing neat and clean like Remus did.

Remus ruefully grinned.

"Sev, give Caelum to me and you go ahead and eat. I've brought some pies for you two." Placing the basket Mrs. Potter gave him on the table, Remus reached over for the baby.

"Is it Mrs. Potter's work?"

"Yup."

"Great." Grinning widely, Sirius took Caelum from Severus' tired arms and handed him over to the taller boy.

The two exhausted parents plopped down.

"Thank you", muttered Severus, reaching for the basket.

Remus grinned, sending a sympathetic look towards them. Baby Caelum knew nothing of the trouble he was giving to his parents, simply oblivious and happy.

Remus kissed Caelum on the cheek, feeling the soft and tender skin. Caelum made happy noise as Remus teased him on his side with a long finger. He glanced the two-boy having their first meal and it was 11 am.

Poor guys.

"You little mischief boy, giving hard time to your parents", Feigning scorn, Remus nibbled Caelum's small hand lightly, which the baby found it somehow funny.

"Like father, like son", muttered Severus, agreeing.

"Hey", Sirius protested, indignantly.

Remus chuckled. They seemed quite close, now. Actually, the couple have been quite close to each other ever since they started this weird relationship and getting more and more connected. Especially true when it comes to Severus who was currently displaying pure affection towards the former enemy. Just the look on Severus' face shows that they belonged to each other, that what they have here was a complete family.

It was so perfect that Remus cannot help but feel a little jealous, though.

But he was mostly happy for them.

They have finally found what they have been seeking. Contentment was all over their faces, which has been rare before all this. The change was so significant that it never failed to amaze Remus. It also made him keep hope for himself, as a matter of fact. It made Remus that there might be hope for himself, that he might be able to have some sort of happiness as they are having now. If not as perfect as they are.

And really, taking care of Caelum had him change as well. The pure happiness and the lack of worry that are radiating from this little guy changed Remus in a way that he no longer felt sorry for his existence. No more brooding, moping, wondering why his life is such a misery. It was like feeling the warmth of sunlight blanketing him all over.

Remus kissed the boy again, admiring of his magic.

Yes. It was so magical that such a little thing as the baby could do so much wonder all around them.

When the boys finished their belated breakfast, the taller boy ushered the smaller boy into the bedroom. Severus did not protest as he was too exhausted to argue. Remus pitied the boy for a moment before seeing something on his best friend's handsome face.

A dark emotion was clouding the perfect face before Sirius quickly suppressed it as soon as their eyes met.

Remus eyed the boy carefully.

"Er, do you want me to take turn?" Sirius mumbled, uncertainly.

Remus rolled his eyes. He walked up to the sofa and gestured the latter to join him. Sirius tried to smooth out his frown and act nonchalant.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"I think I am the one asking that question", Remus challenged, adjusting his hold on the baby. "What is it?"

"What is what?"

"Come on, spit it out before you give yourself a stroke", Remus ordered.

Sirius chewed on his lower lip, carding his fingers over his long black locks. "I'm fine." He muttered, though he knew he wasn't being convincing.

Remus sighed, wrapping his fingers over Caelum's hand when it tried to yank buttons on his shirt.

"You know you can tell me. I am not going to say anything to anyone. You'd trusted me with your biggest secret, why not this one?" Remus spoke in a low, soft voice.

This time, Sirius heaved a sigh. He eyed his son, trying to play with Remus' worn-out sleeves. Then, the mini Sirius reached out for his father, lips curling and stretching as if to call him. Gentle smile automatically lit up Sirius face and he took his son in his arms. He buried his face on the baby's belly.

"Sirius… is everything alright?" Remus asked worried.

The dark-haired boy stood up, walked straight to the baby's cradle and placed Caelum inside. He flicked his wand to make the mobile hung up on the ceiling move. When he came back, he was no longer avoiding his stare.

"Everything is not alright." Sirius said.

Remus shifted in his seat, facing his friend. His deep green eyes filled with worries and concern.

"Tell me."

Sirius braced himself once more before starting to unload all of his worries. Of his doubts, regrets, and fears. When he was finished, Remus heaved a sigh as well. This was something he should have thought before, but he overlooked because of the current development between the two. It is not always 'all's well that ends well'. But…

"Did Severus ever talk about it?"

He thought Severus forgiven him for what happened.

Of course, the start of this relationship was so messed up and violent, but he thought they've gotten over that. Severus seemed quite unperturbed by Sirius' touch, hell, he seemed to long for it whenever there's a chance.

Sirius merely shook his head. Remus couldn't tell he was trying to say Severus hadn't talked about it since or simply he didn't say anything about it.

Remus placed his hand upon his mate's. Squeezing gently, he spoke.

"You know you should talk about this. You should know how he thinks, feels about it. To me, he seemed to recover from it, but you need to hear it from him, not me."

Remus could see the panic rising in those clear grey eyes. The dark-haired boy sucked a sudden breath. He firmed his hold on the boy's hand.

"What you do want to do? Are you intending to leave?"

Sirius shot up, glaring at him for even suggesting it.

"Then, you should go and talk to him. Tell him you're sorry and you wish he isn't hurting because of what happened. Tell him what you want. What do you want?"

"...to be with him. I want to be with him, forever." Sirius replied, his voice so small yet the certain in his wish.

Remus nodded in approval, pressing the issue once more. "Talk to him."

But the other Gryffindor boy did not response.

Suddenly, Caelum yelped in annoyance. Remus sighed and hurried to retrieve the baby boy from his cradle.

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"So, I'll be back tomorrow morning. Same hour, alright?" Remus beamed, waving at little Caelum, who yawned in his father's arms.

Sirius and Severus nodded, bidding him goodbye. When the brown-haired boy took a step to leave, Severus stopped him.

"What is it?" Remus cocked his head.

Severus eyed Sirius and said, "go and tuck him in, would you?" Sirius nodded, "Alright. Bye, Moony."

Remus stepped closer to the smaller boy, curious as to what he wanted to tell him.

"What did you two talk about today?" Severus started without a warning.

Remus, taken aback, fell silence. He had no idea the Slytherin boy was listening to their conversation.

"Er…" He hesitated, wondering if he should tell him or let the couple resolve with each other on their own. Severus saw he was holding back something and prodded on. "I know something is going on. He won't tell me what it is. What did he tell you?"

The worry was palpable in Severus' dark eyes. Remus tried to rethink about his decision but screw it, he knew Sirius was dead scared and was not going to talk about it on his own. Which meant that it would worry Severus too and that is not a good thing to happen.

Sometimes, these two are so alike.

Bracing himself for future retaliation from his mate, Remus opened his mouth.

"He said… he is worried about you", Remus started.

Severus frowned, "why?"

Remus paused, trying to come up with a better choice of words but failing at it. "He thinks what happened between you might haunt you still…"

The frown on Severus' forehead gotten deeper, as he was confused.

"Severus… I don't know how to go around with this. So, I'm just going to say it bluntly." Remus heaved a sigh before spilling it all out as frankly as possible. Damn, he didn't realize how much ineloquent he was.

"You were raped. Sirius thinks that you'll be repulsed by the thought of associating with your attacker. Romantically association, that is." Remus finished somewhat lamely. He was at unease to discuss such delicate subject in front of the actual victim.

Hell, it was exceedingly weird to talk about it at all.

It just reminded everyone of the bleak, violent start of this relationship.

But it had to be dealt with.

After all, if Severus was too confused and scared to rationally think about the whole thing before, he should be given a moment to process it all again.

Feeling the tension and worry arising, Remus prepared for the worst.

A soft chuckle broke out, confusing Remus at first. Remus quirked an eyebrow. It was surprising to see the smaller boy smiling in amusement.

"Er… Sev?" He asked, tentatively.

Severus was now giggling as if he was trying to stifle laugh.

"He was quite serious about it, Severus. I think if you have something to say about it you should talk to him." Remus suggested, still unsure if Severus' laugh was what he thought it was.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Right." Severus nodded, as though he just noticed Remus was still there. "I'll talk to him."

"Great." Remus felt relieved.

Severus chuckled once more before going inside "Thanks", he said, turning right before he closed the door.

Remus nodded, "my pleasure."

He eyed the boy carefully, as he closed the door shut. He titled his head, wondering about the boy's attitude. It appeared nothing negative. Remus hoped for the best, as he went outside to get back to Godric's Hollow.

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James was furious as he unable to follow Remus Lupin inside the building without an invitation. The building's entrance simply did not appear in front of him. A set of strong charms to ward off intruders was utterly powerful.

Fucking Snape was fucking good at hiding in his snake hole.

James could not help but to retreat in defeat.

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That night, when Caelum fell asleep soundly, Severus approached the taller boy who was fumbling with his night clothes. He figured Sirius overheard what was being said between him and Lupin.

Or he could have assumed.

Either way, it was quite sympathetic to watch the usually graceful boy failing with his buttons.

Severus cleared his throat. Sirius jumped.

Pitying him inwardly, Severus spoke. "I have something to tell you."

"Oh, yeah?" Sirius feigned indifference.

Severus walked up to the boy and sat down on bed next to him.

"I am not going to leave you", Severus declared.

Sirius froze, doubting his hearing. Detecting the skepticism written all over the handsome face, Severus looked through the pool of icy grey.

Voice firm and clear, he repeated. "I am not leaving you."

The fair boy swallowed, hands dropping down.

"I am not leaving you", he repeated again, "I want to stay here with you and my son. I like living here. This is where I'd like to think I belong. This is the only place I've ever felt completely happy and safe." He paused, trying to convey his truth as much as possible.

He hoped his sudden lack of eloquence didn't diminish his truth.

"This is the place where someone I love is in, where my baby is in. I want to stay where my family is." Severus stared at the frozen boy in front of him.

He lifted his hand to smooth out a frown marring the handsome face of his… whatever he is to Severus.

"I like it here. I don't have to worry about my father's beating, I don't have to worry about being hungry, I don't have to worry about anything. I just… I can stay…" Severus bit his lip, trying to choose a better word. "I can stay happy, when I am here, with you and with Caelum."

Sirius' frown melted away under Severus' gentle touch. Grey eyes glistened in moisture, as he heaved a shaky breath.

"Why would you think I would leave you? Leave here?" Severus leaned closer to the boy, trying to show that he means to be closer to him.

"Do you want me to leave?" Severus whispered his question, as if it hurts to ask.

Sirius jumped, "No!", shouting immediately.

"Of course not! I don't want you to… Why would I… I would never want you to!" He stammered.

Severus cut him in mid-sentence, kissing the boy's lips gently. Sirius stopped his babbling, shocked at the contact.

"I know what you did to me." Severus spoke. Sirius sucked in a breath, frozen. "I would never be able to get rid of that night."

Sirius' face fell, all misery and worry coming down at him once.

"I wish I could say something different, but this is the truth. I can't let it go that easily. It's not really that easy to do that, even with Caelum beside me." Severus shrugged.

Sirius was now shuddering. Severus raised his pale hand to rest it upon the shaking boy's cheek, hoping to calm him.

"But I cannot leave you even with the memory imprinted on me. I tried to hate you, so many times, believe me I did. But I couldn't." Severus shook his head.

"I just… need you." Severus confessed. "I want you."

Sirius placed his hand upon Severus', pressing it on his cheek, face contorted in a mixture of emotion. His beautiful grey eyes were filled with unshed tears.

"You said you wouldn't let me go. Don't let me go. And I would never let you go." Severus swore.

Then, without knowing who did first, they collided in deep kiss. Sirius attacked Severus' soft lips viciously, punishing those lips for making him cry. He could feel the smaller boy melting against his body, accepting his rough emotion.

Who knew, the silly Snivelly had a knack for stirring him so.

Severus' lips felt deliciously soft, wet, and a little salty. Sirius dimly noted that was because of his own tears. He would be ashamed of crying later but for now, he was overwhelmed with happiness and relief.

"I am so sorry Severus," Sirius breathed out when their lips parted before his tongue darted out to invade Severus' mouth. Soft wet noise filled in the air as their lips smacked to each other's roughly. "I am so fucking sorry"

In between kisses, Sirius whispered his sorry again and again, pouring his heart out on every word.

He wished it never happened. He wished he never had hurt Severus. But he did. And he had to live with the fact for the rest of his life.

But perhaps he should live the rest of his life to atone for it, not wallow himself under it.

Sirius cannot let Severus go and if Severus wanted him, he would give all of him to the boy. Every single part of him belonged to the boy. For he was his now from the day he had taken the boy.

And he will be for the rest of his life.