Shepard was used to far-too-late nights, she subsisted on them most of her life, but even after coffee this one just wasn't going away.

And worse, a certain far-too-observant Turian totally noticed. "You okay?"

Pulling her best overly chipper smile, Anya nodded. "Of course!"

In response, Garrus only peered more at her. Shit. "That seems even more suspicious. You're never energetic in the mornings."

An intelligent woman would keep the farce up, insisting this was her true self, but she could already feel the exhausted sag of her smile. Letting it fall away, Anya pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to massage some vitality into her eyes. "I don't have the energy for this."

Garrus threw up his arms. "If you want me to believe you, that doesn't make sense at all."

"Don't think about it too much," Anya picked up her mug and swirled it a bit, her eyes trained in on the weird little smudge on the countertop instead of the liquid in front of her. She just needed to down another cup of coffee, but she wasn't sure it would even matter at this point. Had she finally reached the point of complete tolerance, making coffee absolutely fucking useless?

That would ruin everything. Anya Shepard couldn't stand for that.

Lifting the drink towards her lips, she assessed the situation. Maybe-

But then Garrus put his talon on her mug arm, taking the drink away. Before Anya could get too pissed off, though, he said, "Yeah, because I should just ignore the fact your shirt's on backwards and you're about to drink Grunt's disgusting, possibly poisonous protein shake." Anya stopped reaching for the mug and pulled her arms back into her chest. Okay, at least she didn't drink that. Garus sighed and stepped closer. "Again, are you okay?"

With his face near hers, it scrambled all her deflection tactics. Anya stared at her feet. "I just had to stay up late doing research for the mission, so-"

"I thought we were trying to get you to sleep more."

"Apparently the galaxy thought otherwise." She laughed, but Garrus wasn't laughing with her. If anything, his eyes might've even looked angry. That didn't make her feel any better about almost ingesting Krogan poison in front of him. Running a hand through her hair, pulling at the scalp like it might make her feel better and collecting the strands in a shitty bun, Anya moved towards the elevator. "We need to go. Can't we talk about this later?"

Garrus growled, "You bet we will."

"Kay, Mom."

When he thudded against the elevator wall, there was this sinking weight in her stomach that was dragging her gut into her left foot. Garrus' stiff jaw and crossed arms weren't making any of it better. "I only met Oksana Shepard once and she would not be nearly as gentle about this so don't you dare."

"I'll be fine, okay? So stop worrying." Anya hopped up onto her toes and gave him a kiss on his cheek before the doors opened up to the bridge. They got the morning updates from Kelly and EDI, and some unsolicited sass from Joker, but made it to gearing up pretty easily.

The uneasy part was the fact Garrus kept silent the entire way.

She understood he didn't like her choosing work over sleep. Sure, she hated when her own mother did it. But this was the galaxy they were talking about. If these two joined their team, they'd have a full roster for taking on the Collectors. They'd have to just get the right materials and cover a few more intel sites and they could turn the tide somehow.

And no matter how much she cared for the way he looked at her, looking at her that way didn't change what needed to be done.

Once, Garrus understood that.

Why didn't he now?

During the entire walk to Anaya's apartment, things were dead silent between them. Silence was rare, and she didn't like it. They almost always were bantering or bickering about something.

Luckily it wasn't too long of a trek, and Anaya answered her door after the first knock.

The amethyst Asari gave them a warm enough smile and welcomed them in. Unsurprisingly, the apartment was near immaculate. After she closed the door behind them, Anaya asked, "Where are your cohorts?"

"Hmm? Oh, Miranda and Kasumi said they were picking something up. Where's Opan?" Anya asked, poking at some sort of Asari artifact on her shelf. It was a weird squishy thing that looked solid until you touched it. Liara had one and Anya had nearly lost her mind when she activated it the first time.

She always liked how it wriggled back into form after you removed your finger.

While she didn't blame Anaya, she could feel her following her around. "Offering something to the Enkindlers at the local Hanar place of worship." Anya turned and raised an eyebrow. She knew Hanar were pretty religious, but she didn't know that Illium had a specific place for it. Particularly after her experience with the Hanar struggling for a permit.

Could he have just gone to a local place of worship the entire time?

Huh. She got tricked into helping fund missionary work. That wasn't something the Alliance would normally be too pleased about.

Detective Anaya adjusted the artifact she touched (whoops), and asked, "You've never been to a Hanar service? They're quite beautiful."

"I'll put that on my very long list of things to do." After taking in the nicely furnished studio apartment, Anya turned to Anaya. "Do we need to prepare anything? Meet with anyone?"

"Not yet. Your Miranda said she might have a lead so we're waiting for her on that. For now, we just collect ourselves and wait. I was taking the time to meditate and prepare myself."

Out of the corner he settled himself in, Garrus stepped forward and crossed his arms. "Rest is good for people, isn't it?"

"Psh. You mean meditate in a totally proactive, go-getter, really hardcore right?"

Anaya furrowed her brows, a bemused look on her face. "No, I find meditation restful. I think most people do."

"Right." Anya couldn't look at Garrus. Not when she knew he'd probably be all smug about it. "Well, I guess we just hang out until they get here then."

Scanning the room, the bedside tables, the knobs, Anya had to think about anything other than the Turian eyes boring into the back of her skull. They would have to talk about this later, clearly, but c'mon, she couldn't handle the scrutiny and stubbornness outside of their personal conversations. It made her itch a way Commander Shepard shouldn't.

Focusing in on the little idol on the right side of the bed, Anya was confused until she noticed it looked like a tiny Prothean beacon. It was unlike anything she'd seen before, only giving her flashbacks to Eden Prime and another near-death experience, but then she put the pieces together and realized... Oh! This was probably Opan's. It was wild to think he stayed in this room with the detective. "I mean this in a completely not creepy way this time, how did you and Opan...?"

"When you become my age, you understand these things just... happen sometimes when you work closely with someone."

Involuntarily, Anya's eyes flicked to Garrus. He still had his arms crossed, but his eyes softened when she said, "I can imagine."

But then Garrus looked away from her, out the window.

Before she could say anything, Anaya started talking, a serious, passionate expression on her face."What I care more about is getting all the help I can to protect the Justicar." Anya wanted to see Garrus but... Anaya was in the way. And she should focus on the mission first, right? Shepard pulled her eyes from the Turian and focused on the detective. "They may seem violent, but they are what have kept our people safe for so long. I want to help her get out of this alive. They live enough of their lives all alone."

"They don't do team-ups or anything?"

"No. They go places to enact justice on their own, they sparingly make contact with people, and they almost never work with anyone. They rely on themselves and no one else. Most Asari could never stomach it, not without great faith in their goals and abilities. And even then, very few last as long as Samara. She's a legend. But I don't want to be another person assuming she'll figure it out herself. I want to help."

Across the room, Garrus scoffed and said, "There are just some stubborn heroes like that in the galaxy, aren't there?"

Detective Anaya shrugged. "Yeah, there are. But when you find them, they're majestic."

"And also idiots, who maybe should listen to other people sometimes," said Garrus, looking straight at Anya.

As confused as one would be in the middle of a fight they didn't understand, Anaya blinked and shrugged. "Probably. But I don't think it's my place to say that about a justicar."

Apparently, Garrus thought it was his place to say that about a Commander. Anya felt her blood boil and freeze. It wasn't right to question her on a mission, and certainly not in front of an ally. Not like this. But no matter her frown, his laser-focus and scowl weren't moving.

Walking over to Garrus, Shepard gave the detective a friendly smile. "Excuse us for a moment please?"

When Anaya nodded, Anya dragged him outside by his arm.

The second they were alone, she shoved his shoulder a little harder than she meant to. But the Turian took his balance back in seconds, glaring down at her.

Anya glared back up. "Can you get off my ass about this? The mission comes first. You were just as much of an asshole with too many sleepless nights on the first Normandy. We became friends because we ran into each other at the shooting range at 3 am all the time. Why are you acting like this? What changed?"

"You, Anya." Garrus' voice hummed with dissatisfaction, some sort of energy in him cracking like a whip with every word. "You changed it. Because working myself to death doesn't feel worth it anymore if it means I have to sacrifice you. I want to save the galaxy and will lose a limb or two for it, gladly, but I won't lose you. Not again."

For all her boiling blood when she came out here, it all chilled after he spoke. Anya couldn't look at him looking at her like that and ignore the sincerity in his words. Especially when she'd already made him lose her once.

Sucking in a sharp, jagged breath, Anya brushed her thumb against one of his talons. "So this isn't just about being a judgmental asshole."

"I mean, still kinda is." Garrus shook his head, grabbed her hand, and said, "You're going to get yourself killed if you run yourself ragged all over again. You deserve better, I deserve better, and for fuck's sake the galaxy can chill for a few hours if it means you're not sending yourself to an early second grave."

"We talked about this with Liara. This is who I am."

"You can be the brilliant and frustratingly reckless Commander Shepard and still take care of yourself. Maybe even relax, every once in a while."

"Can I?" The words caught in her mouth like Salarian cuisine. Because she couldn't bridge the gap between the woman who couldn't stand losing him either and the Commander who was willing to do anything to save everyone. She pulled her hand away from his. "I'm sorry I dragged you out here. Let's just focus on the mission."

Garrus tried to reach for her again. "Anya, you can't just walk away-"

Unlucky for him, Infiltrators are good at dodging people. Taking a step back and ducking away from his arms, she looked at her pinging omni-tool. "Miranda and Kasumi are almost here. Now's not the time. An assassin and justicar need us."

When her eyes met his again, they were so cold he almost looked like a stranger. "Whatever you say, Commander Shepard."

Inside, Miranda brought her intel from her contact, guessing Thane's next hit would be Nassana Dantius, a sketchy Asari business leader. She'd been doing underhanded deals for decades on Illium, to the point of sacrificing employees.

Mid-way through their meeting, Opan showed up and joined in on their planning. He seemed more than happy to observe, but he did throw in some surprisingly thoughtful notes every so often.

But maybe she was just getting overly paranoid about anything to distract her from the frosty Turian on her left.

After extensive planning, they were prepped for a Dantius raid tomorrow to catch Thane and Samara before they disappeared off to another planet. Miranda, Kasumi, and Garrus started to head back to the Normandy, but Anya didn't follow.

When she told them she had a meeting with Opan, Miranda and Kasumi sniggered a bit but wished her luck. Garrus frowned, but didn't say anything.

That was worse than him making fun of her.

She waited outside until Opan came out, but she made sure to give up on the damn bun. If he was going to take up her time after hours, she was going to be cozy about it.

And hopefully if she was cozy she'd be less of a full idiot in his presence.

Opan came outside, but he gave a soft stroke to Anaya's cheek before she shut the door behind him. She didn't know why, but it made her blush. It was so intimate and gentle that she felt like she was intruding.

Apparently this mission was doing a better job at bringing some people together than others.

As they started to walk towards wherever Opan was taking her, he said, "So you and your turian friend seem prickly today."

"That's not what we're here to talk about, so don't."

"You're correct. This one apologizes. Personal affairs don't matter in comparison to the mission." That wasn't what that caress looked like back there, but she wasn't going to push it.

They only made it a couple blocks before Opan was gesturing her into a very sketchy bar. Anya raised an eyebrow. "Are you trying to kill me?"

"This one likes their chips."

It was such an odd, absurd statement that Anya snorted. "Okay. I'll accept it."

When they entered, no one even gave the Hanar a second glance. That did suggest he was a regular, and gave Anya a bit of ease about the somewhat seedy place. Hanar were irregular everywhere, but if they were used to him, it probably meant she wouldn't get stabbed just because she agreed too eagerly to a meeting with a stranger.

Only probably, though.

Keeping a recurring scan on the area around them, she settled herself into the seat. At least, as much as one could settle into a lumpy booth that could have a sticky spot wherever you tried to put your hand.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" Anya straightened her shoulders, reminding herself to be serious, that he was a representative of the Hanar homeworld, and despite the surroundings, they were having a serious conversation about a serious mission. So she put on her diplomat voice, tucked some hair behind her ears, and added, "I researched about your homeworld and about Drell culture, so hopefully I'm up to speed with-"

But the Hanar raised a tentacle, and said simply, "Commander Shepard, I'm a real Spectre."

All the running dialogue in her head about Drell and Hanar culture stopped short, like a corrupted data file suddenly shutting down. Her mind went absolutely blank and she couldn't think of anything to do but blink at him. "What?"

Opan nodded his head at her. "This one assumes since you never got to go through traditional training that you didn't get to know the full list of active Spectres. But this one thought it was necessary to explain to you my true perspective on this mission."

Pinching her nose between her two hands, Anya felt at a loss for words. She just got used to treating him as Opan, the actor and Hanar advocate, and not Spectre Blasto. But apparently, under all that, he was Spectre... Opan?

With all the sanity keeping her together, Anya sucked in a breath and said, "So you're telling me you're actually a Spectre."

"Correct."

"But you play a fake Spectre in movies."

"Yes. Technically in the movies this one's character is a Spectre. But I am also a real Spectre. It's a cover."

Despite the little side-stumbles her heart kept doing, so curious about Opan (like seriously did he do his own stunts then?), Anya was trying to hold herself in. This was objectively the worst time to blush and turn into the fangirl of her nightmares. Shrugging, because fuck it, Spectre Blasto was a real Spectre, Anya admitted, "This is somehow the best day of my life and has completely warped my perspective of the galaxy."

"This one apologizes. But as a fellow spectre, this one thought it important that you know."

Staring at him across a table, Anya realized that not only was the younger her actually watching a real Spectre be a badass, but her only reason for being interested in Spectres wasn't some lame little kid thing. He was real and probably much more formidable than she expected. God, were any of his movies based on real adventures he went on? What things did he know how to do that the movies never even covered? Did his director know?

Okay, she couldn't lose her entire mind, but Anya let one intrusive question slip: "Did acting or Spectres come first?"

"This one was a member of the Hanar special forces who did acting for recreation. Just when the acting career started to become popular, I was approached to be a unique kind of Spectre, the kind that can actually lie. Apparently the average Spectre is not very good at that."

Anya's cheeks warmed without her permission. But flashes of Vido and Barbie Tits made her understand why, maybe just maybe, the Council would find value in his unique skills. She still coughed, though, saying, "I dunno, I think I'm okay." The Hanar didn't move a molecule, just stared at her deadpan. She never felt so judged by something that didn't really have a face. "Fine, I see what you're saying. Your job gets you involved with niche people and helps the Spectre cause. So, with Thane-"

"The Hanar called in a favor."

Objective. No matter how much she wanted to ask how the Hanar have a Spectre actor and call in favors to him at any possible moment, that wasn't the point here. They had a mission, right? "Okay. Anything else I should know while we hunt down this Drell?"

"Despite the Drell's wishes, this one is under strict orders to keep him alive."

Raising an eyebrow, Anya asked, "Is he trying to kill himself?"

"Yes. The Hanar homeworld prefers that not happen. Not yet. And the council agrees with them."

"Eerie." Anya didn't even know what to say at this point, she just sighed. "Anything else? Is there a goddamn Elcor Spectre I didn't know about?"

"No. That would be absurd."

Ahh yes, like a Hanar Spectre wasn't absurd in any way. Anya snorted and couldn't fight the smile on her lips. "Right."

"This one does have this to say: Spectres are the tool of the Council, the proponents for the greater good of the galaxy, not just one species. If this one must take down the Justicar to save the Drell, this one will. I hope you respect that."

In the back of her mind, that soft caress on an Asari cheek made Anya feel like Opan might have just revealed more than she wanted to know. "What about Anaya?"

"She will survive." His emotionless way of saying it didn't make her feel any better. "Spectres are made to make the hard choices, to make sacrifices for the betterment of the galaxy. You were picked because you've made many."

Thinking back to what Garrus said, to all their talks about her leadership and her guilt, for the first time in her life Anya felt herself pause when it came to sacrifice. Her fist clenched under the table, surprised herself to be echoing sentiments she brushed off.

But Anaya's cheek, Garrus' eyes, there was something about them that forced her to wonder if there was more to being a hero than sacrifice. "What if we jump to the hard choices way too often?"

"Do not tell me that you are doubting your work? Because a Spectre in doubt is ineffective."

Anya scoffed, trying to play off her own guilt. The last thing she needed was Opan shutting her out. "After Saren, I find a reasonable dose of doubt to be healthy."

"Just do not let that doubt get in the way of the mission." He gestured to his chips, that just showed up at the table without them even ordering. "Would you like something to eat?"

"No thanks, already way past my bedtime." Getting up, she gave him a respectful nod. At least, the best one she could give after the weirdest night of her life. "I'll see you tomorrow, Opan."

"Indeed."

The streets weren't exactly friendly, a lot of watchful eyes followed her strides, but her long hair or small frame didn't fool anyone. They saw the armor and the pistol at her side and stayed clear.

Which was good for them, considering she was not in the mood for a fight right now.

When she got back on the Normandy, it was quiet and bare. She gave a few hellos to the late night crew, a sleepy Joker debating something with EDI, a too-chipper Kelly talking to too-friendly Jacob, but she kept her greetings short.

She wanted out of this armor. Now.

The second Anya got into her room, she peeled it all off and got into the sweats that made her feel human. Her next plan of action was to call the turian that made her feel herself, because she needed it after such a thrilling, unsettling, weird evening.

Pulling up her omni-tool, she called Garrus. The second he picked up, she started talking: "The wildest thing just happened, I met with Opan and-"

EDI cut her off. "Apologies, Shepard, but Garrus Vakarian has disabled comms to his room for the evening."

Right. Why would he want to talk to her after they fought earlier?

"Oh." Anya deflated, collapsing onto her bed, which felt way too big all of a sudden. "Well, goodnight, then, EDI."

"Goodnight, Commander Shepard." Shutting down her omni-toll and turning down the lights, she laid there, so much stuck in her head left unsaid. And now there were thoughts of Garrus swirling in there, too.

Anya struggled to close her eyes in the pressurized silence, but the room went black eventually.

/

And sooooo here it is. I wanted to make Spectre Blasto real, so bad, but i wanted him to be slightly more logical real, y'know? haha. I also love the slight coldness to him, where the Blasto Shepard knew was big fights, big passion, like all action heroes. I might have to split the final chapter in two (there's a lot going on) but I'm excited for it. Thanks as always for reading and triple thanks to my patrons: Danyell Jones Amy Connolly If you want to check out my Mass Effect stream, I will be back on /thespace bard this evening! I plan on trying to voice the entire experience myself this time so it's gonna be a blast(o)! That joke was worth it and you know it See you next week!