Set between seasons 2 & 3. Inspired by requests for a boy's friendship story.
Banging pots and pans jolted Michael awake. He instantly regretted the quick movement. His body ached, his stomach turned, and his mouth tasted like the desert. Attempting to open his eyes, the bright lights of the room made his head scream in pain. It was best if he kept his eyes closed and laid still on top of the lumpy thing beneath him. He wasn't quite aware of himself or his surroundings to know exactly where he was. When he felt better, he'd answer that question. At the moment, Michael was only focused on slipping back into unconsciousness.
"Wake up sleepyheads," Nikita's shout wasn't going to let that happen however. Michael jolted again and groaned, bringing stiff arms up to rub away his headache. The lumpy thing under him jumped in surprise as well. Curiosity got the better of him, and Micheal forced open bloodshot eyes. He was lying on his stomach, half sprawled out on the couch and half on top of Birkhoff, who was on his back and almost falling off the cushions. Before closing their bleary eyes once more, the two men glanced at each other. Neither tried to move, instead simply whining at their current situation.
Women's laughter floated into the room from somewhere behind them. Alex cooed loudly, "They look so cute."
"I already took like fifty pictures," Nikita agreed, the sound of a phone's camera punctuating her point. Kitchen utensils continued to clang harshly, almost as if whoever was handling them was doing it on purpose.
"Shut the fuck up," His voice hoarse and slurred, Sean groaned on the floor near Michael and Birkhoff. That forced the women to laugh louder. Michael shakily pushed himself upright. He had to hold tight to the back of the couch to keep himself from dizzily falling over. He managed to take a look around the living room, sighing. Sean was on the floor, curled tightly into his side and using the rug as a blanket. With his head between his knees, Ryan was slumped in a large chair. Bright sunlight was shining harshly through open windows, and all the lights were on in the apartment. Michael glanced over to the kitchen, spotting Nikita, Alex, and Sonya moving around noisily. It was as though it was their master plan to make their hangovers worse than they already were. The women kept snickering at the men as they prepared to make breakfast.
Birkhoff shifted uncomfortably underneath Michael, and croaked, "Mikey, your knee."
Sure enough, his knee was pressed sharply into the nerd's side. Awkwardly, he moved it, but that only caused Birkhoff to fall completely off of the couch. He didn't move or make a sound; he just laid there like a slug. As if on cue, Nikita, Alex, and Sonya laughed. Ryan sounded like he was about to cry, "Please. Stop."
The four men were idiots. Their horrific hangovers were proof enough of that. The night before hadn't started out terrible. In fact, they weren't even drinking the hard stuff at first. Since the women were having a girl's night with dinner and a movie, the men decided to get together for a boy's night. Well, Sean and Birkhoff had decided- Michael and Ryan were dragged along for the ride. Sean desperately wanted to watch a football game on the giant screens of Division. Ryan kept saying 'no', but Birkhoff suggested watching a game at his apartment on the equally big television. Some colleges had their opening game that night, so loaded up with beer and food the men got together.
Michael wasn't all too interested in the game. He liked sports, but he couldn't care less about the two teams playing. He drank beer, ate food, and talked with Ryan who also didn't care about what was happening on the TV. They avoided shop talk, wanting a night to relax. They had started to discuss the newest space discovery, when Birkhoff began to complain, "Can you two sit and mindlessly enjoy something for once?"
"What's there to enjoy?" Michael quipped, smirking as he finished off his bottle of beer.
Sean shrugged and tossed away an eaten chicken wing, "Nothing much. Too many downs and turnovers."
Although Birkhoff nodded in agreement, his expression betrayed the fact that he didn't entirely understand the comment. Michael chuckled, "You have no idea what's happening, do you?"
"I know what's going on," The nerd defended, "I'm just not as obsessive as Sean is."
"I don't think anyone is," Ryan muttered, noting the zero to zero score.
"Maybe if it were Monday night football, or the Army-Navy game," Sean seemed upset by the events of the game, wishing it was something they could have had fun watching. Most games were exciting, but that one was just disappointing.
Perking up at the mention of the Army-Navy football rivalry, Michael turned to Sean, "Hey. My academy roommates and I used to have a drinking contest to that game. I can't remember the rules exactly, but we would do shots for every turnover or first down."
"Are you suggesting we liven up this game a bit?" Excited by the idea, Sean smirked.
Birkhoff immediately shot up out of his seat, and rushed to his kitchen. He reached for the hard liquor in a cabinet, and a couple of glasses. Ryan rolled his eyes good-naturedly, "Guess we are. It's a good thing we've got plenty of food and water."
The men took their shots of alcohol responsibly at first. They chased the harsh liquid with water, and continued eating the snacks. But the more shots they took, the drunker they became, and the less they cared about alcohol poisoning. The football game was soon forgotten, and so was the drinking contest. Michael, Sean, Birkhoff, and Ryan drank and talked more and more, until they were sufficiently wasted. The night became hazy after that.
Delicious smells wafting from the kitchen brought Michael back to the moment. Although whatever the women were cooking appeared appetizing, his stomach lurched. The alcohol was definitely not agreeing with him. He must've looked as unwell as he felt, because Nikita took pity on him and stopped her noise making. With a cool glass of water in hand, she walked towards him sympathetically, "Here, Babe. Drink up."
He did as instructed without a fight. Nikita soothed his headache by tenderly running her fingers through his hair and massaging his scalp. Michael smiled at his girlfriend, full of affection and thanks. She simply rolled her eyes.
"Can I have some water, please?" In a small voice, Sean asked from under the carpet. Alex met his request, not as silently as Nikita. She stomped towards the man on the floor, and he groaned in discomfort. Glaring at Alex, he rolled onto his back. She giggled at him, but gently helped him sit upright and drink some water.
"Did you boys have fun last night?" Alex's voice dripped knowingly as she asked.
"No," Ryan replied instantly.
"Food," Muffled by the floor, Birkhoff chimed in.
"First round of pancakes are almost done," Sonya shouted. The men winced at the sound. But the women weren't concerned about their hangovers. Nikita, Alex, and Sonya thought Michael, Sean, Birkhoff, and Ryan deserved their predicament. They were the ones to overdo it on the alcohol, and they were the ones who had drunkenly called them. The women had finished their movie and were peacefully talking afterwards, when the needy texts and calls came in. They decided to head over to Birkhoff's apartment to see what was happening. The sight was- well- hysterical to say the least.
As they opened the door with Sonya's spare key, they found the men in some kind of dogpile. Birkhoff and Ryan were sprawled over Michael and Sean, who were wrestling on the ground. The slam of the door behind the baffled women alerted the men to their presence. Michael was the first to react. He shoved the others off of him, and rushed to Nikita, "Ohmygod, Nikita. Look guys, it's Nikita. She got my call about how much I missed her. God, isn't she so pretty, and smart, and wonderful? I love her so much. And I want to be with her forever."
Nikita did her best to avoid Michael's grabbing hands from squishing her face. The closer her boyfriend got to her, the better she could smell the alcohol on his breath. He pulled her into a sloppy hug, allowing her to look over his shoulder at the empty bottles and food containers littering the coffee table they had moved to the side of the room. When the couple parted, Nikita couldn't help but laugh, "You guys are having fun."
"Alex," Sean sat up cross legged, and threw his hands up in the air excitedly, "Did you get my texts?"
"Yeah. All twenty of them. You really think I'm that awesome, huh?" Alex hid her giggle with the quirk of an eyebrow.
Michael nodded enthusiastically, "Oh yeah. He won't stop talking about the first date your gonna go on. And how fun it'll be. And how much he loves…"
"Mikey, shhh. That's secret," The Seal interrupted the agent as best as he could with his slurred words. Sloppily, Michael pretended to zip his lips and throw away the key. The women shared a look between themselves, shit eating grins growing across their faces.
"You guys talked about us?" Nikita pressed her body tightly against Michael's, earning his hands on her waist and a big nod. She grinned up at him seductively, "What'd you guys say?"
With Nikita distracting him, Michael couldn't respond. So Ryan answered for him, staggering to his feet, "Birkhoff said his dates with Sonya are going good. And he wants more of them. He also wants to play that Zelda game with her."
Sonya beamed at the nerd. He looked up at her from his position on the floor grinning wildly. She crossed over to him, and sat down next to his hip. He grabbed for her hand, squeezing it tightly. Drunk Birkhoff was surprisingly quiet, whereas Drunk Michael was a chatterbox. A normally collected and brainy Ryan was spacey, and realistic Sean was off in La-La Land. The women were going to have fun messing with them.
And they did. Nikita got Michael to go on a thirty minute rant about how much he loved and cherished her. Alex listened to Sean repeatedly tell her how awesome she was, intermixed with incoherent stories of his childhood. And Ryan translated Birkhoff's one word answers into babbling confessions for Sonya to hear. However as the men grew tired, their drunkenness turned sloppy and into a heated debate about cowboys versus astronauts. The women decided to put them to bed, but it was a hassle getting them to do anything. They just let them be wherever they were, and went to bed themselves- Sonya in Birkhoff's room, and Alex and Nikita in the guest bedroom.
Shortly, the pancakes were ready to be served, and the men were forced to shuffle to the kitchen to eat them. Although the women continued to stab at their headaches with their loud conversation and laughter, the men were soon brought out of their stupor. It was a wonder what food and water could do for a hangover. Despite the terrible feeling they all woke up to, the men had a lot of fun together the night before; they talked, laughed, and played games. A boy's night was a great bonding experience for the men of the team. They should probably do it more often, minus the alcohol.