IIyana was inconsolable and Eri had never felt more helpless.

Her gut-wrenching sobs tore at his heart and no amount of comfort could ease her distress. When she finally fell into an exhausted slumber, Eri let out a sigh of relief and collapse back into the coach, his mind racing with concern for the girl he'd loved since childhood. Lost in sleep, she appeared so young and innocent, liberated from the burdens placed on her tiny shoulders since joining the damn Inquisition. She was curled into a ball, her hand rested, palm up, her fingers rested – whereas earlier, they had covered her face in an attempt to smother her cries.

In between her tears and his soothing words, Eri was able to piece together a torrid love triangle between IIyana, Solas, and the Inquisition's Commander. A story of suspicion, jealousy, accusation, then betrayal and rejection. It was the perfect recipe for disaster, a played-out song he'd heard too many times. If he didn't know any better – he would have thought he'd been thrown into one of those Orlesian tragedies one often found on display in the middle of the market square.

What in the hell happened?

IIyana's last letter had arrived a month earlier, tucked in between a new blanket she'd purchased from an Elven vendor in the Hinterlands. Along with the gift was also freshly baked Dalish bread wrapped in parchment paper and tied with a bow. She did that often – sent him baked goods to remind him of home. He'd been drinking with his comrades when the package arrived, and he quickly pushed the voluptuous red-head off his lap, heading upstairs to the small room he'd occupied for the past four months. He shoved a piece of bread int his mouth as he read her letter, then re-read it again, two more times, until he memorized each word.

He couldn't believe it – she was in love. With the Old-Bat of all people. He'd found it comical. Serves her right, he thought. He was pulling ink and paper out of his nightstand when he decided that he would rather tell her face to face.

When she first joined the Inquisition, he'd been worried for her overall safety. He'd even booked passage to return to Feraldon. But as her letters arrived, his concerns eventually dissipated. At first, he'd found her letters amusing, especially when writing about the mysterious mage with no background or clan. And as her letters continued to arrive, Solas became a more prominent figure in her life. Eri had never known IIyana to be so caught up in her emotions before. She was usually the quiet, reserved, and more reasonable of the two. Which made it even more entertaining that she was oblivious of her feelings for the mage.

IIyana whimpered in her sleep, interrupting Eri's thoughts, and he moved forward to pull the blanket up to IIyana's chin. He frowned again at the memory of seeing her distraught in the main hall. It was unlike her to cry in public. Then there was Solas. The mage had stood in the shadows as Eri swept IIyana up into his arms and carried her up to her room. He'd expected the mage to follow but when he didn't, Eri suspected he was somehow involved.

He had questions and he wanted answers. He brushed a soft kiss against IIyana's forehead and walked out of the room in search of the mage responsible for breaking her heart.

When all have gone to bed, Solas found himself pacing the halls and winding stairways of Skyhold.

There was no peace for him anywhere in this place.

IIyana's cries had become a part of him, as deeply embedded as the pain of his failures. All through the evening, his conscience had given him no respite. There was simply no evading the immensity of his actions or his blind foolishness. He didn't want to see her. He didn't want to speak with her. He was afraid that by doing so, he would snap. But he also couldn't forget the image of her broken, shattered body as Eri carried her upstairs.

Self-contempt roiled in his belly.

Despite everything, he should have trusted her love for him. He should have believed her when she said there was nothing between her and Cullen. He should have listened instead of jumping to conclusions. All the signs of her loyalty, her commitment to him was there ... her anger upon his return ... the flash of hurt when he accosted her in the library ... her chasing after him after the Cullen's kiss. Even the tea was a bargain for forgiveness on her part. A better man would have seen this, he acknowledged bitterly, and he cursed himself swiftly for allowing jealousy to sway his good judgment.

Once again, will he ever learn?

He reached the main hall and the past caught up to him. He paused, looking for a moment towards IIyana's chambers. Memories returned, tormenting him first with IIyana's voice:

Solas ... there is nothing in your past or your future that would change the way I feel about you. Nothing. When I look at you, I see only you.

I dreamt of what it would be like if you were mine.

Ar lath ma, Solas. So very much.

Then his.

Have you ever wanted something so badly, so desperately - something that was within your grasp - and yet you were afraid to reach for it?

I have never known such peace than the moments when you look at me.

Ar lath ma, m'yana. Now and Always

He bit back a savage curse.

The memories were too sad, too brutal, and Solas buried it underneath along with a thousand shades of regret. He turned right and headed into the rotunda and was surprised to find it already occupied. Eri Lavellan was sitting at his desk, feet propped on top of the surface.

"I've been waiting for you, you Old-Bat," Eri exclaimed with a grin and held up three bottles. "Care for some good 'ol Dragon Piss before we began the interrogation?"

"No."

"C'mon. I had to resort to shameful behavior to get this from the kitchen staff." Eri placed two glasses on the corner of the desk.

"Why are you awake at this hour."

"The same reason you are– IIyana. With her nearly half-dead from a broken heart, someone had to hold vigil, am I right?" Eri poured two fingers into each class. As Solas reached for his, Eri said, "Oh wait, let me double yours. Trust me, you're going to need it."

Eri took a swift of his drink and hissed at the burning sensation that ran down his throat and then exclaimed, "you are a fucking man," when Solas downed his drink in one take.

"That's an understatement," Solas announced. He pushed his cup back to Eri who refilled both of their glasses. They drank one, then two cups, before Eri leaned forward on the desk, his gaze intense and direct.

"IIyaa said you disappeared for an entire month without letting her know your whereabouts," Eri stated. "Then in dramatic fashion, you return like a fabled knight in shiny armor only to accuse her of being Cullen's whore." Eri drowned his cup. "

Solas swallowed down the hard knot that had lodged in his throat. He lifted his eyes to the man sitting before him.

"She didn't initiate the kiss, and she's not in love with him. In case you were curious," Eri added.

Two more glasses were refilled.

"Where did you go?" Eri asked.

"That is for me to tell her."

"Did you have plans to return to IIyaa?"

Solas brought the cup to his lips. "Yes."

Eri nodded slowly, his lips curling int a slight, wry smile. "Then I will respect your decision to tell her yourself. Do you love her? Never mind, that was a stupid question. Of course you do, else you wouldn't be here drowning your sorrows like a love-sick fool."

The cups were refilled three more times.

"She told me you believe her to be Cullen's whore."

"Do not call her that."

"Then the Commander's Paramore? Leman? Lady of the night?"

Solas slammed his cup down unto the desk, his face contorted into an ugly sneer.

"It's refreshing to see you still fucking care," Eri stated, pouring the liquid into Solas empty cup. "The problem with you, Old-Bat, is that you're an emotional wreck. One minute you love my IIyaa, the next minute, you treat her like shit. And it blows my fucking mind that of all people, she's chosen to love you."

"She's a damn fool to love me," Solas said regretfully. "All I do is hurt her."

"And now here we all are, suffering the consequences. But you know how IIyaa is, once that girl has made up her damn mind, there is no convincing her otherwise. Now drink up, because I have a story to tell you and it's going to take another bottle or two before we finish."

Eri waited until the both of them had finished the first bottle, then a third of the next one before he asked, "do you know why IIyaa loves you so damn much?"

Solas slowly shook his head. The liquor was beating down his defense and he suddenly found this need to repent his sins to IIyana's friend. "I suspect it has something to do with the way I make her feel."

Eri nodded in agreement. "It's because you see her vulnerability but you don't treat her as fragile."

"IIyana is more than capable of taking care of herself."

"Exactly - but not many are aware of that. People either see her as this small, tiny thing, ready to break. Or they see her for the title she wears – First to Clan Lavellan, Herald of Andreste, the Inquisitor. Even here she is treated as some mythical creature. People usually don't see past her façade, but you do. And that is why she loves you – you see her and you don't treat her as anything less. I want to help you understand my IIyaa."

Reflecting on yesterday, Solas shook his head. "Perhaps you shouldn't be telling me anything. IIyana and I are at odds. She will be upset with you for telling me this, and I don't' wish to strain another one of her relationships."

"Trust me, if I thought you would weaponize what I tell you, I'd keep my silence. But you won't do that." A smile flickered briefly across Eri's face. "You may be a dick but you are a damn honorable one."

The men took another drink from their cups before Eri drew along a breath and began. "Did you know our parents were killed when were both young? She was twelve and me, fifteen. Their convoy was attacked on the way to one of the free markets near Starkhaven by Templars who mistook them for apostates. We were awakened in the middle of the night and taken to Keeper Deshanna and told the news. Since there were no bodies to recover, there were no Dalish rituals to send them to the afterlife."

"My apologies – I know how the Dalish -"

"Love our rituals and traditions? To be honest, it's all a just one fucking joke," Eri added. Then he continued with his story. "They practice love and tolerance but as you can imagine, the Dalish can be heartless bastards, too. There was no place for two pitiful orphans within the clan – no patience or love. We weren't looked after or cared for, and it was rare if people remembered us. So unsure of what to do, the elders left us to our own devices and we ran amok."

Eri brought his empty cup up to the light, turning it in his fingers. "Feraldon became our playground, our imagination the map for our adventures. We taught ourselves to fish and hunt, to trade and negotiate, even how to survive in the wilds. Our days were spent side by side and our nights, exploring elven ruins. IIyana became my confidant. My family and I, hers."

It suddenly became apparent to Solas why IIyana was deeply attached to the people she cared for. She hadn't grown up with a family, hadn't known what it felt like to belong to people who love her.

"Don't pity us, Solas. Our childhood is what shaped us into the individuals we are today. We may not have had a traditional family but we had each other, and it was enough." Then a haunted look cast over Eri's face and he swallowed inaudibly. "When IIyaa came into her magic, everything changed. She was groomed, manipulated, used as a pawn to manage my uncontrollable and rebellious behavior." He refilled Solas glass. "You're probably going to want to drink for this ... During the fall of her eighteenth birthday, the son of the Keeper of a neighboring clan, Eldrin, took an interest to IIyaa and negotiations for their bonding ceremony began. Of course, she had no say in it – she was trained to follow her duties."

Solas watched as Eri pour the remaining liquid into the two cups then threw his head back and drank the rest from the bottle. "The asshole couldn't even wait to keep his filthy hands to himself. The first night before the bonding ceremony was to begin, I found him cornering her in the forest, his hands groping her in places she shouldn't be touched."

Solas eyes narrowed and he held his breath.

"Only the Gods knew what he would have done if I hadn't interrupted," Eri said dryly. "We fought and I manage to break his nose. When the Elders found us, Eldrin accused me of assaulting IIyana. When she defended me, he implicated her by claiming he found both of us frolicking in the woods. We were dragged into the middle of the festivities in front of the two clans, our crimes laid out in the open."

"You Keeper didn't step in to help?"

"Deshanna may be highly regarded in our clan but her position held no authority or say within Dalish laws. We've offended the son of a prestigious family and we must be punished."

"What happened next ..."

"This," Eri stated, pointing at the ugly gash on his face. "I was whipped to an inch of my life while IIyana was forced to watch. She pleaded, begged on her knees in front of those dirty elves. Angry that she was pleading for my life, Eldrin kicked IIyana so hard on the side that he dislocated her arm. He then shoved a hunting knife into her hands and demanded she mark my face. He insulted me, IIyana. This is the only way I will forgive him, he'd said to her. When she didn't move fast enough, he slammed her face into my bloody back."

Solas hand tightened around his empty glass. His voice was deadly when said, "is he alive?"

"He is long dead," Eri replied flatly. "To save both of our lives, Deshanna – ordered IIyana to obey Eldrin's wishes. She even told IIyana that it was her duty as First to do what is best for the clan... she was forced to cut my face until it reached the bone."

The silence that followed was achingly painful. Never would he have imagined that she grew up with such a sham of a family. "IIyana never told me this," Solas rasped. "She speaks briefly about her clan but not what life was like. About her parents, her childhood ..."

"She never talks about it. The guilt of what she had to do, the shame of going through with it, it's a burden she'd carried since that night. She's forgiven Deshanna, the clan, but not herself. Never herself."

"It wasn't her fault."

"Correct. But, she doesn't feel that way. She confessed to me years later that she had a choice to make that night – and she chose wrong."

"She chose her duty."

"Instead of following her heart." Eri smiled sadly. "She admitted that she didn't do it to save my life, she did it because it was what was expected of her. She chose her duty that night because she was afraid that if she didn't, she would have cast out again. You have to forgive her though – she grew up unloved and unwanted. Once you receive a taste of it, the feeling becomes addicting."

Solas nodded.

"She is everything that is good in my life, Solas. She is the reason why my life is worth living. If she continues to remain the Inquisitor, she needs to remember who she is versus what she should be. It'll destroy her. And that is why I need you to fix this clusterfuck of a mess separating you two."

"I would think you want me out of her life."

"Like I said earlier – You. See. Her."

Solas bowed his head. "It's too late. I've done and said too much."

"IIyaa would be the first to say, it only takes one person to make a change." Eri slipped his hand inside his shirt pocket and withdrew a small bundle of letters. He extended it to Solas. "After you read these, if you are not yet convinced of her feelings for you, then I suggest you end it now rather than later. If anything, I want you to understand that IIyana is similar to me – people may come in and out of our lives – but we'll love only once. And it will be for always."

IIyana felt him the moment he entered her chamber.

Pushing himself forward to the edge of the bed, Solas looked down upon the only woman he had ever loved, for he recognized now that his feelings for the others had been nothing compared to what he felt for IIyana. He hadn't even known what love was until IIyana entered his life. He'd spent the past hour reading the letters she's sent to Eri, each detailing her life with the Inquisition. Most were about him. The last letter had been dated a month earlier, just before Wisdom's death.

Dear Eri,

Fall has finally found it's way to Skyhold and I couldn't help but think of you today. Our lives have been rather difficult, don't you think? Growing up alone, unloved, just the two of us against the entire world ...

I want you to know that I've finally made peace with what happened that night. Although you had never held me responsible for my part in inflicting your pain, I've long carried it in my heart as you longed suspected me to do so. But this season is different, Eri. Instead of the dreadful cold that usually fills me with emptiness, suddenly there is a warmth in its place, and I finally understand what you mean by being free.

It's because of Solas. He sees me, Eri. Just as you do.

I know my previous letters have painted him in a horrible light, but somehow amidst this damn chaos of a world, we've reached some kind of understanding. He loves me and I feel it every time he looks at me. I am happy, Eri, so incredibly happy. The kind of sappy happiness that makes you feel as though you're walking on clouds. The kind where you know you've finally found your place in the world – a place where you belong, a place to call home.

And he is so beautiful, Eri ... so beautiful. If you could only see his laugh or smile, you would understand. My offer still stands. Please come to Skyhold.

I want to introduce you to the man I call vhenan.

Solas sat on the side of the bed and reached out to touch her hair, but then pulled his hand away, afraid he would wake her. "I'm so sorry," he began, knowing she didn't hear him but he needed to say the words, "for everything that I have ever done to hurt you. You loved me deeply but I was too blinded by my own stubbornness and stupidity to recognize it." He glanced at her lovely face, the golden branches of her vallaslin. "I love you, IIyana, more than you will ever know," he said quietly. "You are my heart, my home. You will always be my vhenan."

IIyana was torn. He sounded so sad that she wanted to hug him. But a part of her screamed that he'll hurt her in the end. He turned to go and her heart launched violently. She reached for him, lacing her hands between his. "Don't go ... please."

For a moment he didn't move and IIyana was afraid she'd made some grave mistake by reaching out, but then slowly he turned back towards the bed. Their eyes met for a moment and Solas could hardly breathe. "IIyana ... I ..."

"Stay," she said simply, though her eyes spoke volume.

He released a heavy breath and stretched out beside her on the bed. Then he pulled her into his arms, her lips kissing the side of his neck.

"You smell like alcohol."

"Eri."

Then she asked what her heart was afraid to hear. "Are you back," she said tearfully.

"Yes."

Lifting her hand, IIyana placed it lightly against his cheek as she glanced up. "Will you be here when I wake."

"Yes - today, tomorrow, the next day. This I promise you." He brushed her tears away with his lips. "Ar lath ma, m'yana. Now and always. ."