Family
Chapter 43: Coping Part One
Author's note: Previously on Family, it's a race against time to save the remaining victims still stuck in their long nightmare caused by the fear gas. While Fate and Trowa's nightmare continued, Heero received help from an old friend of his when they were at wit's end. With the information provided to them, they were able to come up with the fear gas' antidote. In a last-minute rush to collect the remaining gas tanks, Lionel caused a black out to the East and West side of VLA. The antidote was mass produced and released to the victims, allowing them to wake up. Heero's best friends are finally awake and Heero is relieved that Fate has woken up.
This chapter will not be broken down into shorter chapters, but it will be a long chapter instead.
Warning: Mature, Dark, Violence and Suicide Themes throughout the entire Coping Story Arc which is a follow up from the Fear Gas Story Arc. You are Warned!
Thank you for reading this story and I hope that you will continue to support it. Please read and review, NO FLAMERS! Pairing: HeeroXOC
After Colony AC 203, 10th August
VLA, Heero's Penthouse
Night Time, 8pm
Heero has spent a lot of time clearing up the mess that the fear gas has caused. Blue Marine Pub is still closed off and will need to do a very intensive cleaning from top to bottom to make sure that all traces of the fear gas were removed before customers are allowed to go in again.
Heero had worked one last time with the research team on how to remove the fear gas safely and properly. They managed to change the gases inside the gas tanks into liquid form. Larger amounts of the antidote were pumped in to neutralise the toxic liquid. What remained after that were all properly disposed of by biochemical methods. But the red gas tank was kept as an evidence, but the gas was converted to liquid state so that it was no longer as dangerous, as long as it was not heated up. After all the one hundred tanks were neutralised, it was a job complete.
Heero thanked everyone for their help in the emergency and everyone is allowed to return to where they came from. Heero's army have taken over the interrogation process, swiftly transferring all arrested accomplices to his army base where his soldiers will deal with them through the proper channels. He will update Lady Une on the progress of the case but most of them will be handled over to the court where they will be charged for their criminal offences. As for their sentences, it was up to the justice department now. A raid of Edmund's usual whereabouts led them to discover that he had the ingredients needed to make the fear gas in an unused factory. It was more than enough evidence to charge Edmund. Heero has suggested that the Preventers take more emphasis on the internet forums as well as social media platforms in order to prevent such a case from happening again.
There were more wrapping up things to do, like writing an official report and doing the clean-up work. But officially it was all over, and it had been a great collaboration between Heero's army and the Preventer Force. The blackouts were covered up as a malfunction in the power stations which were where Lionel cuts the power from. It was untraceable as Heero took measures to cover Lionel's access. Every victim had woken up from their nightmare sleep, but it didn't deny the fact that many people have died as well. A state funeral was held for every victim that has passed away in the afternoon. Carlton gave an official statement and highlighted yet again that acts of terrorism will not be tolerated in the Colonies. The best psychiatrists in VLA were also assigned to the hospital to help the surviving victims cope with the traumatic event that had taken place. Heero knew that some of the surviving patients' mental health are at stake for they are not be able to determine if they are in actual reality or in a nightmare anymore.
Heero's best friends were discharged from the hospital in the morning and they attended the state funeral as well. It was a saddening sight, but it was a clear reminder to them that indeed such acts of terrorism will only result in fear and death. Many people were crying over their loved ones who had passed away in the incident. It had been a heavy mood all around VLA due to what have happened, and many people have attended the funeral to give their condolences to the people who have passed on. Heero asked his friends to meet him at his penthouse after the funeral for they needed to talk. Duo has already briefed everyone about the situation that have happened ever since the fear gas caused them to be unconscious.
And so here they were all at Heero's penthouse. Quatre still looked a little pale but everyone else seemed to be back to normal. Or so he hoped but their eyes were distant as if they were still deep in their own thoughts. No one was in the mood to eat anything and Heero thanked Rolland for making dinner for them. Rolland had been worried about him when he heard from Rachel about the news but was relieved that Heero is alright. However even the butler can sense the heavy atmosphere among the five men. Rolland excused himself and returned to doing chores to give the five men their personal space. No one has spoken yet while Heero was still on the phone with Fate.
Fate is still very weak after waking up from the fear gas's nightmare. She is still being monitored and cannot be discharged yet. But at least she is taking vitamins and placed on a soft food diet. Heero wanted Fate to be cleared by the psychiatrist first before she can be discharged. His friends have gone through the test and have managed to clear it. It was a chip off Heero's shoulder, but her condition was very worrying when she was unconscious, signalling that her nightmares can result in trauma.
"I am fine Heero, really. I just want to go home." Fate told him.
"You will be able to be discharged after the psychiatrist has cleared you." Heero told her.
"That's not what the doctor said. He seems to be watchful of me." Fate said.
"You are overthinking it. They want to make sure that you are well enough to be discharged." Heero said.
Fate sighed instead.
"I saw the funeral on the news. Everyone was there too?" She asked.
"Yes." Heero answered, looking back at his dazed friends.
"Are you still busy with the clean up?" She whispered.
"I am, but I will make time to see you when I can." Heero said.
"Okay, I will see you soon then." Fate said.
They bid goodbye and he hung up the call before he faced his friends who were seated around the sofas in his living room.
"She can't be discharged yet?" Quatre asked softly.
"She hasn't been cleared by the psychiatrist yet." Heero said.
"Should we be concerned?" Duo asked.
"We will worry about that later. I called for this meeting for one purpose, we need to talk about what happened to us after we were unconscious. I understand that the nightmares can be very personal, but we need to talk about what our worst fears are, in order to keep everyone in check. It will be even better if we can help each other to overcome our fears. You don't have to tell me everything but share at your own comfort level." Heero said.
The silence that fell upon all of them was tensed and they looked around at each other as if hoping someone will break the ice first.
"Can we discuss it privately instead?" Trowa asked softly.
"Like a one on one?" Heero asked.
Trowa nodded and Heero gave it some amount of thought.
"Okay. But is there anyone who would like to share to the group?" Heero asked.
He was met with silence again until Duo raised his hand.
"I volunteered to be tested on to find out the effects of the gas. I was unconscious for an hour. Indeed, it was a really scary nightmare it felt real too that even I could mistake it to be reality. In the nightmare… all of you turned your back on me and… called me names. That I was useless, a coward and a failure." Duo said softly.
"Duo, no. We will never think that of you." Quatre said.
"That's what you all say on the surface, but even I am uncertain if you will say the same thing behind my back." Duo said.
"Duo…" Trowa started but Duo held up a hand.
"Let me finish first."
The rest chose to quiet down and let Duo speak first.
"That all of you will abandon me one day and deep down inside I know I probably deserve it. I know I am not better than any of you in many ways and that I often relied on all of you for help. Be it at work or in my personal life. That I am a weakling without any of you around. I knew I had my insecurities but watching all of that unfold right before my eyes was a killer. I was worried that I would not be able to save any of you when I found out that all of you were unconscious. I was afraid to take on the entire case myself and I simply cannot afford to fail all of you. I was so afraid that I can't save anyone, and it will be my fault…" Duo said.
There were tears in his eyes and everyone knew that he was being very honest about his personal feelings. But then Duo abruptly rubbed his tears away and took in a deep breath as if to calm himself down.
"That was the first fear. The second and third one was related to Heero." Duo said.
That earned looks of surprise on the remaining three's face but Heero had a feeling that he was involved in everyone's fears.
"You weren't yourself Heero, it was like you were a completely different man. You shot Hilde in cold blood before you tried to kill me as well. I don't know which was worse, being killed by your best friend or watching your best friend kill someone you love." Duo said.
Quatre's face paled but he said nothing.
"But that also made me realise how important Hilde is to me. And how I don't wish to lose her… not before I tell her again." Duo said.
Everyone was silent again, but the silence was heavy.
"Thank you for being honest with us, Duo." Trowa said softly.
"Yeah, just..." Duo trailed off as well.
"You are not as bad as you think you are, Duo." Heero said.
"Heero…" Quatre whispered as if warning him that he's threading on thin ice here.
"You handled this emergency well without us around, Lionel told me that as well. That alone is enough to disproof your insecurities." Heero said.
All eyes were on Duo and he was surprised with what Heero said.
"But…"
"At times we cannot change how we feel about ourselves, but Heero is right. You did your best to save all of us. And we are all still here thanks to you Duo, you didn't fail us." Wufei said.
Trowa who was seated beside Duo reached out to pat him on his shoulder.
"Don't be so hard on yourself, you did great on your own. You just need to believe in yourself." Trowa said.
Tears fell from Duo's eyes and he wiped them away almost immediately.
"Thanks guys." Duo said softly.
"Looks like we have all experienced our greatest fear through the fear gas but beyond identifying what they are, we need to decide what we wish to do about it." Heero said.
Duo was silent for a while before he looked at everyone with determination on his face.
"I will try to believe in myself more and I want to be with Hilde again." Duo said.
Quatre smiled and encouraged Duo as well. Heero knew that Duo's path with Hilde will not be too difficult as according to Lionel's detailed report, it was clear that Hilde still cares about Duo.
"I would prefer to go last for I have an announcement to make as well." Heero said.
The other three looked at each other and hesitated if they should tell the rest about it.
"No one else?" Heero asked.
No one volunteered to share and hence Heero got up from his seat. He asked them to be comfortable first while he retrieves something. Everyone else was silent but it was clear that they still have a lot on their minds. Heero returned with a silver metal case, which he placed on the coffee table in front of them.
"Oddly, I thought myself a man without fear for I was trained to get rid of all fears. But lately as time passed, I realised that I have gained far more than what I started out with. And with that came the fear of losing everything. But that wasn't my worst fear. My worst fear was what lies within me, a killer side of myself which I didn't want to accept. A side of me that I would rather it didn't exist." Heero said softly.
His admission stunned everyone. Everyone else knew of this killer side of Heero for it had surfaced to protect Heero when he was under attack even though he was still in a coma. But Heero seems to be the only one who wasn't aware of this side of himself. Heero sighed instead.
"To be honest I have been having the same nightmare for an exceptionally long period of time now. Summarised version of the nightmare was that I walked into Wingate Mansion only to find that everyone had been brutally killed by a cold-blooded murderer. I suffered from insomnia as I had lost Fate in the nightmare. While the nightmare caused by the fear gas was exactly the same, there was a continuation to the nightmare. Where it became clear that the murderer was the killer side of me. That I was the one who had singlehandedly murdered everyone that I cared about." Heero told them.
Everyone was silent and allowed Heero to continue.
"I fought him with everything I had, but I was nowhere near his capabilities. I hated him and wished that he didn't exist. I wanted to go on believing that I didn't have such a monster inside of me. But it made me realise that fighting was not the way to resolve anything. Hence I decided to accept this side of myself and to co-exist with him." Heero said.
His words earned shocked stares from his best friends.
"And that was how I managed to wake up before everyone else could because I overcame my worst fears. My view on the matter hasn't changed for indeed I have decided to stop running, to face this side of me head on, accept it and co-exist with it." Heero said.
"But the terror that this side of you caused…" Trowa whispered.
"I know, I had a taste of it when I woke up after losing control due to rage." Heero cuts in.
"You knew and you are still willing to co-exist with it?" Trowa asked.
"He is a part of me, whether I like it or not. I will only be able to get rid of him if I kill myself. And living in denial will only increase my chances of losing control to him. He no longer has any power over me." Heero said.
Heero looked at all four men before him.
"I know that all of you fear this side of me, Duo's admission confirmed as much." Heero said.
No one said a single word to deny it.
"I cannot stop you from being afraid of me, but I can only say that I am still the Heero that you know. And being near me is putting yourself at risk. I cannot give you a guarantee that I can keep this side of me under control or that I will never lose control. I won't stop you should you choose to keep your distance from me. There will be no hard feelings for I understand where you are coming from." Heero said.
No one moved and Heero knew that even if they were afraid, they will still choose to stay for out of respect for their friendship. But he didn't want them to fear him. He opened the metal case in front of him and it revealed four well-polished silver pistols. All four men stared at him in shock.
"What is the meaning of this?" Wufei asked.
"A fail safe. I specially designed the bullets in the pistol's magazine. Each bullet will break down into four mini homing bullets when fired. And all mini bullets contain a lethal poison which has no antidote. It was made that way so that there will be no way anyone can survive it should they be shot by any bullet from this gun." Heero said.
"You don't mean…"
"Yes, this is the gun that will kill me." Heero declared.
"You are nuts! Why will you make a weapon like that?" Duo exclaimed.
"Because it is necessary for one day, I may lose the fight against myself. And one day if I lose control of myself so much that I can never go back to being Heero Wingate again, that will be the day someone needs to fire this gun to kill me." Heero said.
Trowa and Quatre stared at Heero in shock.
"And you want one of us to do it?" Duo asked.
"If anyone of you will be willing to take up the responsibility of doing so." Heero said.
"You are crazy! Asking one of us to kill you!" Duo exclaimed.
Quatre's face remained pale while Trowa looked troubled. Wufei was the only one who said nothing.
"It has to be done, for the sake of everyone else around me. Knowing my destructive skills, I will only leave a trail of bodies behind. And no one will be able to stop me in any form of combat. The poison in the bullet is our best bet in killing me." Heero said.
Everyone remained silent but Quatre shook his head.
"I can't Heero, for I… gave up taking on arms a long time ago. And I will not be able to take on the burden of killing one of my best friends." Quatre said.
"I understand Quatre." Heero said softly.
He looked at Trowa instead who immediately started shaking his head.
"I can't Heero… for I too will not be able to pull the trigger." Trowa said with a troubled look on his face.
Heero looked at Duo instead who shook his head too.
"This plan of yours is crazy and I want no part of it!" Duo exclaimed.
Heero expected their response to be exactly like that. His eyes then fell on Wufei who had been quiet since he showed them the guns.
"Wufei?" Heero asked.
Wufei stood up instead, taking the other three by surprise.
"Do you know what my worst fear is?" Wufei asked.
"No." Heero said.
"Being the man who killed you." Wufei answered.
His words silenced everyone and Heero knew that this was an impossible task for none of his best friends will be able to pull the trigger at all. He closed the metal case instead.
"As much as I don't want that fear to come true, I cannot deny that you are right. Someone needs to take on the responsibility of stopping you when you aren't yourself anymore." Wufei said, walking closer towards the coffee table.
"Wufei… don't do this." Quatre whispered.
"I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it, that everyone will hate me for it." Wufei said softly.
"You don't have to force yourself to take on this responsibility, Wufei." Heero said softly.
"I don't want to but deep down in my gut, I know that I must." Wufei told them.
Wufei and Heero's eyes met before Heero opened the case again. He took out one gun and emptied its magazine before handing another gun and the spare magazine to Wufei.
"Do not hesitate to shoot me for I will not blame you for doing so." Heero said.
Wufei hesitated before slowly reaching for both items.
"And I must warn you, do not use the gun on anyone else nor shoot it in front of me. For I might be able to come up with a way to counter it." Heero said.
"You have never shot it before?" Wufei asked.
"No, for once I have seen it work, I will be able to come up with a way to counter it. Test it once and you will know what it does." Heero said.
"How do you know that it will work?" Wufei asked.
"The theories are sound and that is enough for me." Heero said.
Their eyes met before Wufei returned to his seat. All eyes were on Heero before he sighed.
"I promise all of you that I will try my hardest to be the Heero that all of you know, but one day if I lose my humanity, please do what you must to save others from myself." Heero told them.
He meant his words, but he knew that they have to be prepared for the worst. It would be good if that day never comes, but until then he has to take precautions.
"Heero…" Quatre whispered.
Heero closed the metal case in front of him.
"We can now move on to our one on one sessions. Whoever needs to have a private chat with each other please go ahead. The dining room and kitchen can be used." Heero said.
The remaining three of his best friends looked at each other before Quatre stood up.
"Can I talk to you, Heero?" Quatre asked.
Heero was surprised as he didn't think that Quatre's greatest fear will involve him. He asked the rest to make themselves at home while he talks with Quatre. They went to the dining room where Heero poured both of them a strong drink, they will need it. Quatre was silent but he still looked rather depressed.
"What is it that you want to talk about?" Heero asked.
"I too wasn't aware how scary it was to see your greatest fear coming alive in front of your own eyes. My nightmare was about you… No, more like about the other side of you. How you murdered everyone in Dorothy's mansion in cold blood. How I tried to stop you from killing Dorothy." Quatre said.
Heero was silent as he was deep in thought.
"You claimed that Dorothy had killed Fate that was why you wanted to kill her. Yet no matter what I said, you wouldn't listen to reason. You hurt Dorothy and I wasn't able to help out at all. I tried, but I wasn't able to put up much of a fight. I gave up fighting since the war ended and went back to being a gentleman. Then you threw me a gun and asked me to use it to stop you from killing Dorothy. I struggled so hard whether to use it, but I was too late. I couldn't stop you from killing Dorothy and was left in total despair over it. But the other you called me a coward, for running away and choosing peace instead of fighting like all of you did. How doing that made me incapable of protecting the people I love, and I cannot undo the stain of blood my hands have caused." Quatre said softly.
Their eyes met but Quatre looked down sadly instead.
"But he was right about me being a coward." Quatre said.
"Quatre…" Heero started, wanting to dissuade him from this line of thought.
"No, he was right." Quatre said, cutting Heero off.
Quatre stared at the whisky glass in front of him.
"Everyone knows that I love Dorothy, yet I was a coward to tell her how I felt about her. I was afraid that she wouldn't feel the same and I didn't want to hear that painful truth. Many times, I asked myself this, why her? Why her out of all the women I have met? Yet how odd that everyone paled in comparison to her. She angers me so much, always out to make my life difficult. Yet I… still cared so much about her. I'm supposed to hate her even more, but I couldn't." Quatre confessed.
Heero remained silent as he lets Quatre finishes what he wanted to say.
"The nightmare reminded me that it will indeed be too late if I don't tell her before something happens and she's gone forever. And I can't live with that too. It's a struggle within myself but I… don't want to be a coward anymore." Quatre told Heero.
"You are going to tell her?" Heero asked.
"Yes, as soon as I can, before I lose the courage to do so again." Quatre said.
"It can go either way; you have to be prepared for both." Heero said.
"I know." Quatre said.
Then he sighed again.
"I'm sorry Heero, for I truly am afraid of this side of you. I thought that I will be alright with it but clearly, I… am not. What he is capable of and the death trail that follows… I acknowledge my own weakness that indeed I will not be able to stop you. Not in any physical fight, nor do I have the courage to shoot you."
Heero noticed how Quatre was looking down sadly. He was aware that Quatre was afraid to make the first move in this situation, so he has to be the one to do it. He didn't want to lose any of his best friends, but he can't be selfish now. Not when Quatre is afraid of him. Sure, Heero could argue that they are not the same person, but one day Quatre will come to fear him completely.
"We should keep our distance from each other." Heero said softly.
"No, I didn't mean it that way." Quatre said.
"It was admirable of you that you stood up for what you genuinely believed and set out to do once the war was over. To give up fighting and to no longer touch any form of weaponry. Yes, in hindsight it puts yourself in a more risky position, but it was something that I can never do. After all I have been fighting for so long that it has become breathing to me." Heero said.
"Heero…"
"Don't let the fear get to you Quatre, continue to be who you are." Heero said.
The two of them stared at each other before Heero stood up.
"You should go, you have somewhere you need to be." Heero said.
Quatre looked sadly at him but stood up as well. As they were walking back to the living room, Quatre looked at him.
"Can we ever… go back to where we were?" Quatre asked.
Heero wasn't sure but he knew that all of them were affected by what they had seen in their nightmares. It was clear that he might lose all of them… but maybe they will find their own ways back to each other. If not, then all they have were memories of each other.
"That is up to you, Quatre. For I am right here, and I will still be here no matter what." Heero said.
Quatre understood what Heero meant, that he needed to be the one to decide if he can still continue to be part of Heero's life or choose to be completely cut off from it. Quatre hated himself for doing this, but he needed time and space to think it all through.
"And the rest?" He asked.
"Don't avoid them out of my sake." Heero said.
Quatre merely looked down sadly while they returned to the living room. He told them that he was leaving to return to Colony L4 as his servants were all worried about him. He gave Heero one last look before he left.
"Anyone else?" Heero asked.
Trowa stood up and Heero signalled that they go to the dining room, meanwhile Wufei and Duo were watching the news report on the fear gas incident. But then Duo looked back at them.
"Heero, I need to go off. I am going to see Hilde." Duo said.
"Go." Heero said.
Hence Duo left while Wufei was still watching television, but it was clear that he was bored.
"We will be right back." Heero informed Wufei.
They went back to the dining room and Heero offered Trowa his choice of drink, but he didn't want any. So Heero poured more whisky for himself and waited for the words that will come. Trowa's hands were clenched tightly into fists and Heero waited in silence for Trowa to form the words.
"My nightmare was about you…"
Heero wasn't surprised, it was probably him losing control and being the killing machine that he was. All three of his remaining best friends had a similar nightmare related to that. Surely Trowa's nightmare was the same.
"The night of the landslide."
Heero closed his eyes and took in a deep breath before letting it out slowly. He knew that it was bugging Trowa, for they never truly talked about it. Even after he had woken up from his coma.
"I was given a chance to go back in time yet no matter how many times I tried… no matter what I did… I still couldn't save you." His voice was breaking and Trowa's body was trembling slightly.
Heero remained silent, choosing not to speak yet.
"It was as if fate was against me that night. That the end result will always be the same that I will be the one who's alive while you are the one who's dead or seriously injured. And it's still all my fault that I couldn't… save you."
Heero knew that his friends break down sometimes, he had seen them cry before. But it had been a long time since he had seen any one of them cried. Duo cried today, and Trowa was near breaking point as well. He still blamed himself for what have happened.
"It's not your fault, Trowa." Heero said softly.
"That's what everyone tells me, but I don't believe it. I'm the reason you were in a coma! All that pain and suffering that you went through, so extreme that it drove you to even attempt to take your own life. All of it was because of me! You suffered because you saved me!" Trowa exclaimed out loud.
Heero stared at him in silence, giving him a totally emotionless look.
"Everything that happened after that was my fault too. That you went missing on us…"
"Trowa…" Heero cuts in, trying to get him to stop speaking.
"That you even joined the military and I was the one who drove you into it!" Trowa exclaimed.
Heero decided to let Trowa say what he needed to say. Trowa continued ranting for a few moments whereby Heero drowned out the words for it wasn't beneficial for him to hear.
"All of this was because of me! I was so guilty about everything that have happened, and I thought that it has disappeared as time went by and seeing you getting your life back in order again. I thought that I have moved on and put it behind me. But who the heck was I kidding? I still carried it with me all this time! The guilt, the fear that something bad will happen to you and I won't be able to save you yet again. Do you know how demoralising it is to know that you can never save one of your best friends?" Trowa asked.
Heero was silent as they looked at each other.
"How can you look me in the eye and not hate or blame me for what have happened? How can you carry on as if it never happened?" Trowa asked.
Heero knew that this was the golden question, the question Trowa had wanted to ask him for an exceptionally long time now. One which Trowa never asked for hia fear of the answer. Or because both of them never talked about this topic again. Heero knew that the landslide had changed all of them. It had caused everyone involved a lot of pain and suffering and he knew that Trowa had suffered the most among them. For he hadn't come to terms with it.
"What exactly are you seeking from me?" Heero asked softly.
Trowa was silent but Heero knew what he was looking for. Trowa would rather he be hated and blamed for what have happened for it will ease his guilt a little. But was ending their friendship over a past event what he truly wanted?
"I don't know." Trowa answered him finally.
Heero stood up instead and walked closer to where Trowa was sitting. Trowa looked up at him and Heero was certain that Trowa must have sensed the movement but he had chosen not to dodge it. Heero punched Trowa so hard in the face that he fell off the chair and landed on the floor of the dining room instead. There was blood on the floor but Heero ignored it. He was doing this not to punish Trowa, but to make a point.
"Get up." Heero said.
Trowa was clearly surprised by the punch, he was probably seeing stars from that punch.
"I said get up." Heero repeated coldly.
Trowa struggled to get up and stood before Heero, his lip was bleeding but still he didn't cower or run away. Heero delivered another hard punch to Trowa's stomach, causing him to hit the floor hard the second time. Heero was certain that Trowa was in pain but their little fight had caused quite a commotion for Wufei came running in. He was stunned to see blood and Trowa on the floor.
"What the… What's going on, Heero?" Wufei asked.
"I'm fine." Trowa said, as he struggled to get up again.
"You are clearly not fine. Heero?" Wufei questioned.
"We are fine, leave us." Trowa said.
Wufei hesitated while Heero's emotionless face revealed nothing.
"Please." Trowa added softly.
Wufei looked at Heero for a short moment before he exited the room, closing the door behind him. Heero sensed that Wufei hadn't left them. He was standing nearby, outside the closed door now. Trowa managed to fight against the pain and was standing up now.
"Is this what you want, Trowa? For me to hurt you and blame you for all that have happened?" Heero asked.
Trowa said nothing.
"Does it make you feel less guilty about it?" Heero asked.
Again, Trowa remained silent while Heero marched over and lifted Trowa up by the collar of his shirt. He stared hard into Trowa's eyes.
"Get this into your head. It's not your fault the landslide happened! It is not your fault that I was caught in it, resulting me ending up in a coma! None of what have happened after that was your fault!" Heero exclaimed.
Both men stared at each other in silence, but Trowa was surprised by the determination he saw in Heero's eyes. For Heero rarely showed emotions at all.
"I have never once blamed you or hated you for what have happened. Because I would have done the same for anyone of you and you would have done the same for me!" Heero exclaimed.
That's when he lets Trowa go, Trowa was silent as he thought over what Heero had said.
"None of it was your fault, the fault was all mine! I was the one who made the decision to save you. Because the chances of you surviving the landslide were higher than mine and the two of us won't be able to make it out alive at that time. It was you or none of us, so I chose you." Heero said.
Heero watched as tears fell from Trowa's eyes.
"It's not about who deserves to live, who has more people to lose and more things to protect so he should live instead. It was survival and I knew perfectly well that I could have died that night. And I would rather it be me than you." Heero said.
Trowa looked at him in surprise, despite the tears falling from his eyes. Heero knew that Wufei was still outside the door and have heard everything. He hadn't meant to say the last part, but it was the truth. Heero did have a death wish sometimes, that he should have died a long time ago. That he as the killing machine shouldn't be alive whereas so many people have died instead. Heero sighed instead, not wishing to touch on that topic tonight.
"Live Trowa. If you feel guilty about all that have happened, then live. You owe it to me who have saved you to live a great and long life. Don't let all the sacrifice, pain and suffering that all of us have went through go to waste. Live Trowa, have an even better life than mine." Heero said.
Their eyes met and still Trowa said nothing. He could only look down as the tears continued to flow.
"Sorry about the punches, I was making a point. And I am sorry for not addressing this issue sooner. Thank you for taking care of me after the landslide and doing all that I have asked of you. You could have chosen to stay away out of guilt, but you stayed till now. That's what counts." Heero said.
Heero was reminded of Fate's response to the matter and how she had chosen to stay away at the crucial period of time. But she was back as well.
"I'm sorry that I… couldn't save you, please forgive me…" Trowa said.
"There is nothing to forgive for I have never blamed you. You have to forgive yourself and let the guilt go." Heero said.
Their eyes met before Trowa nodded and started wiping his tears away.
"I will try." Trowa said softly.
Heero knew that this was the best he could get out of Trowa today.
"The second was about Arabella… turning on us when she found out." Trowa said.
"And I killed her?" Heero guessed.
"No… I did." Trowa said.
Heero was surprised to hear this when Trowa mentioned he wouldn't be able to do it. Guess all was possible in a nightmare.
"What do you want to do about it?" Heero asked.
"I… am still not going to tell her. For we have too much to lose and I… don't want it to come true."
"That choice is still yours to make." Heero said after a slight pause.
Trowa nodded and both cleared up the blood in the dining room. Wufei had left his position by the closed door before they opened it. Heero sent Rolland to help patch Trowa up as Trowa needs to go see Arabella, who just got back after an overseas promotion photo shoot. She was away when Trowa was down but couldn't come back because of the shoot. Hence, she is probably anxious to see Trowa again. Heero then found Wufei still seated on the sofa.
"You heard everything." It was a statement, not a question.
Wufei merely nodded.
"Thank you for saving me."
Wufei looked at him in surprise.
"I heard that you were the only one who chose not to give up on saving me that night." Heero said.
"I just didn't want to accept that you were truly gone." Wufei said softly.
Heero gave a small smile instead. Trowa was all patched up and he left the penthouse soon after that. Hence Heero was left with Wufei. Heero sat down on the seat beside Wufei.
"So, let's hear yours." Heero said.
"I dreamt of being the one who killed you and how everyone hated me for doing it. I tried to console myself that I was alright with taking the blame and hatred of it all. That I would be alright even if I were left alone because of it. But it was the guilt that I couldn't get over as well, much like Trowa. Except you were really gone, by my own hands." Wufei said softly.
Heero was silent as he took the information in.
"You were a hero to the Colonies despite the destruction you have brought in your last few moments and I… was a hero for stopping you. But a murderer in our close friends' and families' eyes." Wufei said.
"Yet you chose to take the gun, knowing that it will be your worst fear coming alive except it will be reality, not a nightmare you can wake up from." Heero said.
"For someone must stop you and if no one is willing to do so… Then I must step up to the responsibility. But I am truly not ready to carry this responsibility now. Please give me time to be strong enough to be your fail safe, Heero." Wufei said softly.
Heero understood what he meant, and he merely nodded.
"I will try my best not to lose control." Heero said.
"Promise me something Heero, that when you sense that the time is nearing soon, please inform me. So that I too will be ready to take that shot when it comes." Wufei said.
Their eyes met and Heero nodded. He was glad that Wufei chose to take on this heavy responsibility and that he was assured that Wufei will do what was right, even if it meant killing him.
"All for one life, Wufei. Remember that." Heero said.
Wufei merely sighed.
"I know, it's just hard to put aside all else and look at the facts." Wufei said.
"You will be able to do it, I know you can." Heero said.
Their eyes met and Wufei was silent. Just then Heero stood up and walked to the glass windows instead.
"I used to think that we can survive on our own after the war was over. Yet time and time again proved that we still need each other, that we cannot survive alone." Heero said.
"What are you trying to say?" Wufei asked.
"Everyone else is pursuing their own happiness, all of them except you." Heero pointed out.
Wufei raise an eyebrow at him.
"Like Duo and Quatre, in terms of Hilde and Dorothy."
Wufei knew what Heero was implying.
"You were the one that surprised us all, we never thought you will end up with anyone." Wufei said, walking over to stand beside Heero.
"And yet here we are. You can be happy too, Wufei." Heero said softly.
Wufei merely sighed and stood up instead. This was a talk for another time.
"I should get going, you need to get to the hospital to see Fate." Wufei said.
Heero nodded and watched as Wufei started to leave.
"Do you have somewhere you need to be?" Heero asked.
"Yeah, it will be good to get some rest before we go back to work tomorrow." Wufei said.
Heero nodded and they bid each other goodbye. Then Heero got dressed in his suit jacket before he went to the hospital to see Fate.
Meanwhile, A hotel in VLA
Duo Maxwell pulled his car into an empty parking lot slot and he got out of the car. He raced towards the hotel's entrance and hoped that he wasn't too late this time round. Heero was right, what they are going to do about their fear is the most important part. Will they cower in fear and choose to still run away from it? Or will they choose to face their fears head on? He asked the reception for Hilde's room number. They refused to give it to him, but he pleaded with them before they finally gave it to him. He rushed to the lift and went to the level Hilde's room was on. Many thoughts were racing through his mind, he hadn't said what he really needed to as he wasn't sure. He wasn't sure how he felt about Hilde after seeing her again at Lady Une's wedding. They will message each other occasionally but he was hesitating for he wasn't sure if he can make her happy this time round. He messed up their relationship many years ago, choosing to be a Preventer than to have a life with her in Colony L2. But now he has a chance to get her back. The lift doors opened, and he ran out in search of her room. He found it but hesitated for a short moment outside the door. He knew that Hilde was leaving for Colony L2 tomorrow morning as the fear gas incident had come to a close, she was going back to her home in Colony L2. He took in a deep breath before he rang the doorbell. Hilde opened the door sometime later.
"Duo? What are you doing here?" Hilde asked.
"Can I come in?" He asked softly.
"Oh, sure…" She said, standing aside to let him in.
Duo went into the room and saw that she was in the midst of packing her luggage bag, though it was a small one. As she was here in VLA for some research work before the fear gas incident happened. Duo decided not to waste any more time, he immediately turned to look at her.
"Hilde, you remember when I volunteered to be a test subject for the fear gas?" He asked.
"Yes, you shouldn't have done that. You could have died!" Hilde exclaimed.
"I know, but I am glad I did. I had a really horrible nightmare but despite all of that, it became clear to me what I should do from now on." Duo said.
"And what is that?" Hilde asked.
Their eyes met and Duo immediately reached out to take both of her hands in his.
"Hilde, I am a crazy person sometimes and you know that. I know that I messed up big time the last time round, but I realised that my feelings for you haven't changed. You are still important to me and… I don't want to lose you again like I did in the nightmare." Duo said.
Hilde looked at him in surprise, but she said nothing.
"I know that I am asking for a lot here, but I just want to say that I still love you Hilde." Duo declared.
Hilde was silent and Duo had a dreadful feeling that this wasn't going to end up like he thought it would.
"Unless you don't feel the same about me anymore." Duo whispered.
Hilde freed herself from his hold and walked further into the room, putting distance between them.
"I… have done things that I am not proud of Duo. And while Heero was there to save me and help me to get where I am now… I don't think you would feel the same way about me if you knew." Hilde said.
"Try me." Duo whispered.
They sat down and Hilde told Duo everything that have happened since he had left Colony L2 to become a Preventer. Duo hated himself even more for not taking Hilde along with him back then, but his feelings for her didn't change even after he knew the truth. Instead it made him want to be the one who is able to protect her.
"What do you think after hearing everything?" Hilde asked him.
"I don't care what have happened in the past, as long as you are safe now. And I want to be the person who's capable of protecting you from all of this. From now on, until you can't stand my nonsense anymore." Duo said.
Tears welled up in her eyes.
"So, what do you say? Because I am quite certain that you still care for me. After all you put Preventer Camden in his place for my sake." Duo said jokingly.
Hilde broke into a smile.
"Oh Duo…"
"See, I made you smile." Duo said, sounding proud that he was able to accomplish such a small thing.
Hilde reached out to take his hand.
"I still love you too, Duo." Hilde said.
Duo smiled at her before he leaned in to kiss her. He was feeling so happy, this must be what all couples who are in love feels like. He's glad that they are together again despite going the long roundabout way.
Hospital, 10pm
Heero received an urgent call from the head psychiatrist who was treating the victims of the fear gas in the hospital while he was driving to the hospital. The psychiatrist expressed concerns over Fate's condition and how they were still unable to release her yet. Heero was worried about Fate and hence he stepped harder on the gas pedal. He reached there fast and immediately went to find the head psychiatrist. Usually families and loved ones of the victims are not allowed to visit at such late hours, but Heero was given the exception. They did not move Fate out of the ICU for her safety sake as the media were trying hard to enter the hospital building and wants an update about Fate's condition. He met up with the Head Psychiatrist who told him that Fate is still physically weak and had no appetite hence she didn't eat much. She was also restless and couldn't seem to sleep at all.
"She wants to return back to her house." The Head Psychiatrist told him.
"Why isn't she discharged yet? Many victims have already been cleared in these past two days." Heero asked.
"Yes, but we cannot release those who are our more extreme cases." He informed Heero.
"What do you mean?" Heero asked.
"Walk with me, I will show you."
Heero followed him and they entered a room that seemed like the backroom of an interrogation room. The glass before them was a two-way glass that allows them to see into the interrogation room. A female psychiatrist was already there as if waiting for a victim to come in.
"Every victim was brought into this room and we will ask them questions about what they have seen. They will be released as long as they can tell the difference between what they saw and the reality. Some have nervous breakdowns or are emotionally unstable and hence we do not clear them. The victims can come back here for the clearing test whenever they feel ready for it. Miss Camden has been in here twice yesterday and this will be the third time today." The Head Psychiatrist told him.
Heero noticed that there were staff mending the back room, with high tech equipment and all interviews were recorded down on video. Then his team of psychiatrists will determine whether to release the victim from the hospital or not. A release requires three signatures, one from the interviewing psychiatrist, and one from the reviewing psychiatrists who will watch the recordings to determine if the first psychiatrist made the right decision. The last signature was from the Head Psychiatrist who will read both report and watch the video recording again before giving his signature of approval for release.
"This report stays in this room and for your eyes only." The Head Psychiatrist said as he handled a file to him.
Heero opened the file and quickly read through the first four reports of the clearing interviews. The first two ended with Fate having a breakdown and being unable to speak. The third one seemed that she was more in control of her emotions, but she wasn't truthful as shown in the lie detector which she failed miserably in. The fourth one was the same, but she was close to a breakdown but managed to calm down before pleading to be let out. Those tests shouldn't be so hard, one only needs to tell the truth and be able to distinguish reality and the nightmare. But it appears that Fate is failing to do so. Heero closed his eyes briefly, this was worse than he thought. To think that the nightmares will affect Fate so much. He closed the file and handled it back to the Head Psychiatrist who then gave a signal to one of his staff.
Fate was shown into the interrogation room. Her face looked pale and she looked really tried as if she hadn't been able to get any rest at all. She sat down at the table and was strapped in for the lie detector. She gave her name and they tested the lie detector. Heero watched everything from the back room where there was a monitor showing the readings from the lie detector.
"So, Miss Camden, here you are again. This is your fifth test in two days, are you ready for it?" The female psychiatrist asked.
"Yes." Fate answered.
"You are advised to tell us the truth as lying will not earn you a clear from anyone of us. The purpose of this test is simple, tell us what you saw after you were knocked out by the fear gas and you are free to go." The woman told her.
Fate was silent as she waited for her questions.
"From our earlier tests we have already established everything until you were unconscious from the fear gas. So, let's start from there, what exactly did you see Miss Camden?" The woman asked.
Fate summarised everything that she had seen. How she was a person by the name of Gabriella Jayson, who owns a flower shop. How she didn't know where she really was but was definitely in VLA. She talked about how she went to the Preventer Headquarters to find Heero, who is her boyfriend. But he was with Relena and he didn't even recognise her. He didn't know who she was, and he made known the fact that she didn't exist. That Fate de Camden didn't exist in where she was in. She was simply Gabriella. The lie detector didn't pick up anything hence she was telling the truth.
"How does it make you feel?" The woman asked Fate.
Fate was silent and then she sighed.
"Terrible, that I was replaceable… That I seemed to have vanished from all traces of the world and I simply didn't exist anymore. That everything I have worked so hard for was gone and I… was a mere normal person, a nobody." She whispered.
"Why do you feel that way?"
"Sometimes we get so caught up in fame that it inconveniences us. I have my trail of stalkers, crazy fans and taste of the paparazzi. But sometimes I just wished that it will all go away, that I can go back to being a normal person again. But when it actually happened, the sensation and feelings I felt were terrible. I wanted to be remembered, not forgotten and replaced." She whispered.
"What happened after that?" The woman asked.
"I was depressed, and I missed Heero terribly. But those memories were my own, for I was still Fate while pretending to live life out as Gabriella. I didn't know who she really was. But the terrible ache in my heart was back. To love someone so much and know that they don't feel the same as you don't even exist in their eyes. I opened the flower shop and chose to live life out as Gabriella. Then Heero came to the shop to book a bouquet for his wedding proposal to Relena. My heart sank but I took his order down. He left soon after that." Fate said.
Fate was silent and even Heero found the pause odd.
"What happened after that?" The woman asked.
"It rained heavily that night." Fate said.
And that was all, it was as if Fate had no wish to share what happened after that with anyone.
"And?" The woman prompted again.
Still Fate chose not to say anything.
"Miss Camden, this test is not just for us, it's for your own sake. We cannot help you if you choose to hide things from us."
"That was all." Fate whispered.
Her heart rate increased, and the lie detector triggered.
"Continue questioning." The Head Psychiatrist instructed.
The instruction was given to the female psychiatrist in the interrogation room through a hidden earpiece.
"Miss Camden, according to your medical reports you died for a few minutes. According to the properties of the fear gas as given by the army and the Preventers, this can only happen if your fears triggered a panic attack or a breakdown resulting in an actual heart attack. Your condition was critical the moment you entered into the hospital; I find it hard to believe that what you just told me is the cause of it all. Tell me, Miss Camden so that I can help you." The woman said.
Fate was silent as if she were considering if she should tell the truth.
"I… died in the nightmare." Fate said softly.
Heero was shocked to hear this, could this be why she died in the real world for a few minutes as well.
"How?" The woman asked.
Fate shook her head.
"I can't tell you."
"Miss Camden…"
"I know you are trying to help me, but I can't tell you about this!" Fate exclaimed, cutting in before the woman could finish her sentence.
"Then who can you tell?" The woman asked.
Fate remained silent.
"Your family? Your best friends or your boyfriend?" The woman asked.
"No, I can't tell anyone about this." Fate whispered.
"And why is that? Miss Camden, a lot of the victims have told us about their fears and how they wanted to conquer their fears instead of being fearful of them again. Can't we ask you to do the same? Don't you want to overcome your fears?" The woman asked.
"I do, but I… just can't tell anyone." Fate whispered.
"Miss Camden, if this goes on, you will continue remain stuck here for days until you finally choose to tell everything. Tell us so that we can help you and that way you will feel better as well. We are all afraid of confessing our greatest fears for fear of being judged for it. But I will not judge you for it. Everything you said here is top secret and no one will know about it except you and the staff here. And we will not reveal it to anyone for ethics sake and that is why no one else will know. Recovery from such traumatic events can be painful but we will know where to help you to tackle the problem and start your recovery treatment if you tell us what we need to know. So please, tell us." The woman said.
Fate was silent for a rather long moment before tears fell from her eyes.
"I gave up living." She whispered.
There was no spike in her heartbeat and Heero knew that she was telling the truth. But it didn't change how shocked he was to hear it.
"Why?" The woman asked.
"I felt like I have lost everything. Everyone I love, my family, my best friends, my career, my songs, my fame, my wealth, my fans… But I couldn't deal with losing Heero again. I lost him so many times that I… just can't go through it again." She whispered as she cried.
"You were afraid of losing the one you love most."
Fate merely nodded as the tears continue falling.
"How did you give up living?" The woman asked.
"I slit my own wrist with the flower scissors." Fate admits softly.
Silence soon followed after that before the woman flipped Fate's medical report.
"Did you know that your boyfriend was the only victim who woke up from the fear gas without the help of an antidote?"
Fate shook her head.
"He woke up and rushed over to revive you. He was the one who chose not to give up on you, that is why you are still sitting here, Miss Camden."
Fate looked at the woman in surprise before she looked down sadly.
"He saved me in my nightmare too." She whispered.
"You managed to survive the suicide attempt in the nightmare too?"
"Yes, with Heero's help." Fate whispered as she wiped her tears away and continued.
"He was… nice but I knew that we were worlds apart. But I just couldn't accept the fact that I was reduced to such a simple life, the life of Gabriella. I tried to run away from her life but there was no where I could go, no one to turn to." Fate whispered.
"What happened after that?" The woman asked.
"I couldn't get out of it and hence I lived her life like a zombie. Then Heero came back for the bouquet. And that was it." She whispered softly.
The woman was silent as she looked at Fate. Then she looked at Fate's medical report again.
"You refused to eat anything and hadn't slept at all. Why is that?" The woman asked.
"I have no appetite and…" She trailed off.
"Are you afraid that the nightmares will come back when you sleep?" The woman asked.
"Yes, for everything felt very real." Fate whispered.
"Can you tell the difference between the world you were in when you had your nightmare and the reality now?" The woman asked.
Fate didn't respond as if she was caught in her own thoughts and it was a long pause.
"Both felt very real, even the pain and the food in the nightmare were real." Fate said.
"Yes, that was what all our victims tells us, but can you tell which one is the true reality?" The woman asked.
"Yes, I can tell. I knew that I was back in my reality when I saw the look in Heero's eyes as he looked at me. He's my Heero and his love for me still hadn't changed." Fate said.
The woman wrote something down on the paper before her.
"Why did you have a breakdown the first two times you were here?" The woman asked.
Fate's face paled almost immediately and her heartbeat rose as if out of panic.
"I was… unwilling to tell anyone about my fears, out of embarrassment." Fate whispered.
Heero could tell that she was lying for it was not the true reason, but the lie detector didn't pick anything up. After all it was a partial truth.
"And what has changed your mind to tell me the truth?" The woman asked.
"Because I want to go back to my life, I… don't want to be here anymore." She whispered.
Then she turned and looked directly at the glass window, which in the interrogation room was a large piece of mirror.
"Please get me out of here, Heero." She said.
It was a desperate plea for help and Heero was certain that she knew that he was here. Just like how he was able to sense her from far away, she too was able to pick up where he was from far away. It wasn't something science could explain but it was the truth between the two of them.
"Please." She said again as she stared at the mirror, at them to be more precise.
Heero's heart wavered and he was tempted to release her for he did have the power to do so. But he wanted to make sure she's really alright first.
"Miss Camden, who are you talking to? It's just our reflection." The woman asked.
Fate looked back at the psychiatrist before her.
"Can I go now?" She asked.
"Is there anything else you want to tell us, Miss Camden?" The woman asked.
"No." Fate said.
With that, the clearing test was over for Fate. Heero was rather certain that she will likely pass it this time round. Nevertheless, he listened to what the group of psychiatrist recommends. They discussed it over and decided to release her, but the Head Psychiatrist warned Heero that she scrapped by with a borderline pass. He was worried that there might be more than what Fate was willing to tell them, hence he asked Heero to keep a strict eye on her for the emotional and nervous breakdowns may haunt Fate even after she have returned home. Heero went to Fate's hospital ward and found her staring into space on the hospital bed.
"Heero." She whispered weakly.
He went over and hugged her almost immediately. She embraced him tightly as well.
"Can I go back now?" She asked.
"Yes, they gave you a clear." Heero said.
Then he felt her crying.
"Fate?" He asked, breaking the hug briefly to look at her.
"I'm sorry, I just couldn't take living anymore." She whispered as she cried.
"You knew I was there." Heero said, it was a statement not a question.
"Yes, I knew you were there the moment I was in the room. But I couldn't lie, or they wouldn't give me a pass. I wanted to tell you first, but you were so busy with the clean-up…"
"It's okay now." Heero whispered.
"No, it's not… I… just…"
She broke down again and Heero merely hugged her.
"We can talk about it later, if you want to." He whispered, while Fate clung tightly to him.
Heero was definitely concerned about Fate but he knew that it will be hard for Fate to move on from her fears.
"You will be alright Fate." He said, trying to assure her.
She didn't reply him.
"We should pack up and get you out of here. Your family is at Moonstone Mansion waiting for your return." Heero told her.
Fate nodded briefly while they broke their hug.
"Let's get you home Fate." Heero said.
Fate gave a very weak smile while Heero wiped her tears away from her cheeks.
Preventer Headquarters, 11pm
Wufei returned back to his office in the middle of the night. There were people on 24-hour shifts guarding the building and making sure that there were no threats hence the entire office building was still open. He didn't want to sleep yet and he was worried about his work piling up as he had been gone for three days. Lady Une had allowed them to rest a few more days before returning back to work but Wufei didn't want to rest. He wanted to get back to work and let life fall back into its original state. He didn't like the way the staff were looking at him as everyone was aware that he was caught in the fear gas attack on Blue Marine Pub. Nevertheless, work still has to be done regardless of how others see him. He was walking towards the lift when he heard a commotion outside. He looked to see what was going on when he realised that there were a few security staff, trying to escort a woman out of the building. But she seemed persistent in staying inside. Wufei found her familiar and recognised who she was. He immediately went over to help out.
"What's going on?" He asked loudly.
That stopped their movements, and everyone turned to look at him.
"Preventer Chang, this woman has been trying to look for Lady Une for a few times, but Lady Une is not in the building. She wouldn't leave when we asked her to." A security staff explained the situation to him.
Wufei looked at the woman in question who chose not to say anything.
"She's with me, let her in." Wufei said.
"But sir…"
Wufei stared at the men before him in silence and all of them shut up immediately. They know better than to mess with one of the elite Preventers. Hence, they left them alone.
"What are you doing here?" Wufei asked her.
"That should be my question. Your name was on the victim list as well." Rebecca said.
Wufei noticed that there were too many pairs of eyes on them.
"Come with me, we can go to my office." Wufei said.
Rebecca was about to refuse but she noticed that they were earning looks and decided to go with him. They only spoke when the lift doors closed, bringing them up to Wufei's office level.
"Why are you looking for Lady Une?" Wufei asked.
"I know that Fate was caught in the gas attack on Blue Marine Pub. I tried to contact her, but she wouldn't pick up. I don't have clearance to enter the hospital as well, they turned me away as if I was part of the media team. I called her family, but no one picked up as well. There were no updates on Fate's situation at all hence I was worried." Rebecca said.
"She didn't contact you?" Wufei asked.
"No, not yet. They still don't allow me to see her when I tried to enter the hospital this morning." Rebecca said.
"All the remaining victims who did not die from the effects of the fear gas have woken up. We had to go through a clearing test before we can be discharged. Last I heard from Heero, Fate is still in the ICU hence she isn't allowed to use her mobile phone. She wasn't discharged yet as she hasn't been given the clear by the psychiatrist team." Wufei said.
Rebecca looked concerned but then the lift came to a stop. They came out of the lift and Wufei wasn't surprised to find that the entire level was pitched dark. He immediately switched the lights on and led Rebecca to his office. She looked around the office level in silence and waited for Wufei to unlock his office door. They went into his office and Wufei switched on the air conditioner. Rebecca sat down on the chair directly in front of Wufei's desk while Wufei started up his computer.
"Arabella was overseas when it happened so I don't think she knows anything about Fate as well." Rebecca said.
"She is likely to be more concerned about Trowa first."
"True." Rebecca said.
Both of them were silent as Wufei looked at a few items on his computer.
"You were discharged today?" She asked.
"Yes, in the morning before we attended the state funeral."
"Yes, I saw you and your friends on the live broadcast of it." Rebecca said.
Wufei said nothing for the Preventers and Army personnel were standing in the front rows during the state funeral. He could feel Rebecca studying him.
"Lady Une is still busy dealing with the aftermath of the gas attack. There are a lot of matters that needed to be attended to hence she isn't here." Wufei explained.
"Can you give me an update on Fate's latest status?" Rebecca asked softly.
It was a simple request which can be done easily if she gave Heero a call.
"You can call Heero to find out." Wufei suggested.
"I don't have his number." Rebecca said flatly.
It would explain why she was here now, looking for answers when she couldn't get it anywhere else.
"Do you want to make the call?" Wufei asked instead.
"No, you should do it. Just help me to ask about Fate." Rebecca said.
Wufei nodded and called Heero instead. Heero picked up the call after the third ring.
"Heero, are you with Fate in the hospital right now?" Wufei asked.
"Yes, I'm with her." Heero answered.
"How is she?" Wufei asked as he looked at Rebecca who remained silent as she watched him make the call.
"She finally passed the clearing test. We are packing her things so that she can go back to Moonstone Mansion." Heero said.
"She is getting discharged?" Wufei asked.
His words did cause Rebecca to look at him in surprise.
"Yes." Heero answered.
"Can you put her on the phone? Someone wants to talk to her." Wufei said.
"Who?" Heero asked.
"It's Rebecca, she's with me now." Wufei said.
Wufei knew that Heero must have felt that Rebecca's presence with him was odd. But Wufei heard Heero speak to Fate.
"Fate says okay." Heero told Wufei.
So Wufei handled his phone to Rebecca. She stood up, took hold of his phone and started talking to Fate. She immediately exited his office so that she can have a private chat with Fate. Meanwhile Wufei looked through his e-mails as he waited for them to finish their call. He can look through the window of his office to see that Rebecca still looked worried. He forced himself to look away even though he can read her lips to know what she was talking about. He focused on clearing his e-mails as he was absent from work for three days. Eventually Rebecca returned to the office with his mobile phone.
"How is she?" Wufei asked as he took back his phone.
"She's still not feeling well and will be resting at home. She advised me to see her on Tuesday night as her family will want to tend to her when she's back at Moonstone Mansion." Rebecca said.
Wufei nodded his head in acknowledgment.
"Thank you for helping me." Rebecca told him.
"It's not a big deal." Wufei said.
"Sometimes it just sucks to be the friend who's the last one to know what is going on. You have really helped me on this." Rebecca said before she gave him a small smile.
Wufei merely nodded his head in acknowledgement again.
"What about you? Are you alright?" She asked instead.
Her question was surprising, for it was a fact that they don't get along well with each other. Hence, he was surprised that she was trying to make small talk with him. Usually she couldn't even stand the sight of him. He doubts that she was concerned about him after all they weren't on good terms with each other.
"I'm fine, just want to get back to work as soon as possible." Wufei told her.
"You don't intend on resting even after all that have happened?" She asked.
"No, for threats like the gas attack are very real and always there. There is simply no time to stop and rest." Wufei said.
"I see." She said softly.
The silence that fell between them was a little awkward.
"Right, I should get going and leave you to your work. Thank you once again." Rebecca said.
Wufei merely nodded his head again before she turned to leave his office. He watched her leave and realised that it was the first time they had an actual conversation without either one of them flaring up at the other person. Guess even people who don't get along can help each other sometimes.
Meanwhile,
Arabella's Apartment, 11pm
Trowa had taken a long drive before he went to find Arabella. He had taken the time to really think about what Heero had said. He was still unsure if he can move on from what have happened. But he knows that Heero was right, holding onto such guilt and pain will only bring about more suffering for himself. He got to Arabella's apartment late and knew that she must be worried sick about him. He unlocked the door with the extra key that she had given him. He wasn't surprised to find her sitting on the sofa, she jumped up almost immediately when she saw him. He closed the door behind him and locked it behind him.
"Trowa, are you alright?" She asked, sounding concerned as she walked towards him.
She looked tired as if she had been worrying about him for the past few days despite being overseas for work.
"Yeah, I guess." He said softly.
She gasped in surprise when she saw the small bandage on his face.
"What happened?" She asked.
"It's nothing, just a slight bruise." Trowa said.
She didn't look convinced and the silence that fell between them felt… tensed.
"I'm sorry I couldn't come back any sooner when Catherine informed me. I was worried sick, but my manager refused to let me leave until the job was done. I… don't think I did very well for the shoot. But it doesn't matter, how are you, really?" Arabella asked him.
Her brown eyes were filled with concern for him and he too wasn't sure where to start.
"The gas attack was caused by fear gas which causes nightmares, like seeing your fears coming alive in front of you." Trowa explained.
"I know, I read the news articles to keep myself updated. I read about Fate being involved as well." She said.
Trowa merely nodded and he sighed yet again. He didn't want to lie to her, but he didn't know how to tell her what happened.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked softly.
He hesitated and wasn't sure as well.
"Trowa?" She whispered.
"I don't know." He admitted.
She immediately came over and hugged him instead. He hugged her back and wondered if both of them needed this.
"It's okay, everything going to be alright now. You are safe now." She told him, as if trying to comfort him.
He tightened his hold around her as many thoughts raced through his mind. But for now, he was just glad that he's still alive.
Moonstone Mansion, 11.30pm
Heero was driving Fate back to Moonstone Mansion. She hadn't said a single word since they got into the car. Heero knows that she was suffering inside but he didn't know how to get her to tell him how she felt. He could tell that she was depressed but still she said nothing.
"Heero…"
He looked at her briefly before looking back at the road ahead.
"Please don't tell my family about what happened." She whispered.
He knew what she meant.
"I understand, I won't tell them."
"Including Federick." She added.
"But Fate…" He protested.
"No." She insisted.
Heero was silent for a short moment.
"He has to know, or he will get it out of you and that will be even worse." Heero said.
She said nothing else and they entered Moonstone Mansion's ground. He pulled to a stop in front of the mansion before helping to open the car door for Fate. She was still weak but can manage to walk on her own. She didn't say anything but proceeded to enter the mansion. Heero knew what was about to come and knew that Fate is going to have a hard time pretending that she was alright in front of her family. True enough, everyone came forward to greet her. She was hugged by two of her sisters instantly.
"Oh Fate, we were so worried about you." Faith exclaimed.
"I'm so glad that you are okay." Fayne whispered.
There were tears in Helen's eyes, but she waited for her turn as well. Fate merely gave her sisters a weak smile before they released her. Helen came forward to hug Fate who merely gave her mother a light pat for assurance. After that Belmont came forward to hug Fate.
"Oh Fate, I was worried that we were going to lose you too." Belmont said softly.
"I'm fine now." Fate said, forcing a weak smile.
Heero watched all of it happening in the living room and noticed how Federick was watching Fate like a hawk. He then went forward to hug Fate as well. There were no words, but it was clear that Federick had been worried about Fate, but he still did his best to resolve the situation.
"Thank you Fed; I know that you helped out." Fate said.
"Anything to save you, Fate." Federick whispered.
"You spoil me too much." Fate joked.
"I don't care, after all that bodyguard boyfriend of yours was out of commission too." Federick said, referring to Heero.
Heero didn't respond while Fate merely smiled.
"Have you eaten anything?" Helen asked.
Fate shook her head.
"I am tired… I would like to rest. If that is okay with all of you?" She asked softly.
The surprise on her family's faces was clear but they understood that she needed rest.
"Yes, sure. We are all here for you Fate. If you need someone to talk to…" Helen said, trailing off when she noticed how Fate was looking at Heero instead.
"I know where to find all of you." Fate said softly.
Then she bid them goodnight before she made her way back to her room. Then she remembered something.
"Mother, can Heero stay with me for a while longer?" She asked softly.
The surprise on their faces was clear but it wasn't an unusual request. Fate didn't need to ask permission beforehand but since her parents were here, she has to respect them.
"Of course, if that is what you want." Helen said.
Fate looked at Heero as if in a desperate plea. Heero said his goodbyes to her family and followed her up to her room. She disappeared into the bathroom probably for her bath. Heero knew that she will take a rather long time inside hence he snuck out to find Federick. Federick wasn't surprised to see him. They went to his room to talk in private.
"What happened?" Federick asked immediately, knowing that something was off.
Heero summarized the clearing test's conversation to Federick. Federick was shocked but said nothing. Heero then told him of his suspicions that Fate may suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
"Can you keep a close eye on her just to make sure she's alright?" Heero asked.
Federick nodded his head.
"I'm worried about her." Federick admits.
"So am I." Heero said softly.
With that he left to go back to Fate's room. Fate came out of the bathroom sometime later and she got into bed immediately.
"Stay with me, please." She whispered.
"Of course."
He made himself more comfortable and got into bed with her. He held her close to him and was glad that at least she hadn't died due to the fear gas. That he had managed to revive her from death. He felt her crying as her body trembled in his arms.
"Fate?" He asked softly.
"I'm scared to close my eyes, Heero." She whispered.
"It's okay Fate, it's over now."
"I know, but I just…" She trailed off, unable to say her fears.
"Do you want to talk instead?" He asked softly.
"No… I don't want to."
So, she held onto him and as the minutes ticked by it was clear that she wasn't going to sleep. Not when she was afraid to sleep. He decided to make her feel more relaxed.
"I'm going to tell you a story which must never be repeated outside of this room." He said.
"What is it about?" She asked.
"About me."
"Fear gas nightmare related?" She asked softly.
"No, that is for another time when you are up for it. This is about me when I first became a Preventer." Heero said.
Fate listened to him and Heero didn't think he was good at telling stories since he is usually a quiet person. He told her a story back when he lived with all four of his best friends. But still he tried to make her smile and she did.
"So, who won the height competition?" She asked.
"Me." Heero said.
"Yes, I noticed that you are the tallest among your four best friends." Fate said, reaching out to stroke his cheek.
"What happened to the competition money?" She asked.
"I didn't need the money since I have SilverWings, so I split the money and its interest three ways and gave it to Trowa, Wufei and Duo." Heero said.
"I can't believe you agreed to something like this." Fate said.
"We had nothing to do plus we needed something more normal." Heero said.
She smiled before her eyes slowly closed probably due to the fact that she was too tired to fight it.
"Can't go to sleep…"
"Don't fight it Fate, I will be here when you wake." He told her.
"Really?" She asked.
"Yes." He promised.
Fate slowly relaxed and finally managed to sleep. Heero watched over her that night, afraid that she will have an attack of those nightmares again, but she slept well. Feeling relieved, Heero closed his eyes and tried to get some rest. For there were many long days to come.
To be Continued…
Author's Note: This story arc is a follow up from the fear gas arc, how they are coping with the aftereffects of the fear gas. It's important for the characters to address what their fears are and try to do something about it instead of always running away from them. This story arc will still be emotionally draining to the characters. There may be good and bad things that come out of it as well. Do stay tuned for the next chapter. Thank you for reading this story!