Ford fumed in front of Stanley. After all he had done, after all these years, all these readjustments, all of his mistakes, Stanley still wouldn't give up. He wouldn't leave Ford alone. He wouldn't just move on! Ford had long since gotten over the fact that Stan's and his relationship would never be the way it was, so why couldn't Stanley?
The portal had been restarted. Bill could basically waltz right on into their dimension at any minute. The basement was in shambles, the house probably was too. Who knew the damage that had been done to the town? What kinds of expenses it would require. And here Stanley stood, the creator of all this chaos, and he was expecting a Thank you?! From Ford? From the person whose life he had ruined on multiple occasions?
Then Stan had the audacity to openly attack Ford, who quickly brought him to his knees. And that's when the scientist's life was changed forever.
"Hi, yeah, Mabel here... What on Earth is going on!?" Ford looked up from his brother, who, even after being brought to the ground by Ford was still insisting on putting up a fight, to see a young girl standing a few feet away from the two of them. She had long, curly brown hair that looked eerily familiar. A pink sweater with a golden key on it. And a confused and worried expression on her face.
"You didn't tell me there were children down here," Ford said, releasing Stan and adjusting his glasses. He looked at a boy standing just behind the girl, and a man/baby/rodent thing. "And some sort of large, hairless gopher?"
Stan sighed, brushing dust off of his jacket's sleeves and turning towards the kids. "They're your family Poindexter," he explained, waving a hand towards the girl and boy. "Your grandkids."
Ford was about to nod, about to claim that those facts made sense. Then what Stan had actually said overcame his senses like a freight train. "My what?!" He exclaimed, jerking his head to the right to look at Stan, who sighed and repeated, "Your grandkids Ford. Like, your son's son and daughter." Ford blinked hard at Stan's statement, then shook his head. "Impossible."
"Oh, yeah, that's what I thought too when that drop-dead gorgeous woman came to the Shack, giving me a baby which she claimed was your son." Stan said, folding his arms and watching Ford stammer quietly. "But we did the DNA test, and that kid was yours."
Dipper and Mabel glanced between the two old men, the one on the left looking like he might faint at any moment, while their Grunkle just stood there silently, letting his brother have a mental breakdown. After a moment Stan snapped, "So... You've got some 'splaining to do."
"But... But... That... I've never even kissed a girl!" Ford exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. "Much less someone 'drop-dead' level! How in the Multiverse could it be my kid? I've only had one girlfriend and that relationship went nowhere..." he suddenly blinked rapidly, then added in a low voice, "Stanley... Do you mind describing what she looked like?"
Stan sighed, rolling his eyes to the back of his head, like he was showing off how hard he was thinking. "Long black hair, green eyes, green teeth for that matter... blue dress... looked like she swam a lot..."
"Oh my goodness... Now I remember!" Ford facepalmed, not watching the children share a glance. They hadn't really heard of their grandparents, at least not on the Pines side of the family. "Sirens reproduce mentally!" Ford let out a long and loud groan, and Dipper and Mabel took a step towards him. Mabel reached a hand out towards Ford, and said quietly, "Uh... Hi?"
"And of course the incubation process takes two years!" Ford snapped, not noticing Mabel's hand only inches away from the black sleeve of his coat. "So I wouldn't have found out... Until you came and... Oh my goodness mom's gonna kill me!"
"Hi grandpa!" Mabel suddenly shouted as Ford began to ramble about his mother's potential torture methods. Ford stopped mid-word and looked into her eyes. "You... Look just like me." He mumbled, and Mabel shrugged. "Just with nicer hair." She added, and Ford rolled his eyes. "And you act just like her." he added, and Mabel tilted her head to the side. "Who? Grandma?"
The look of supreme discomfort that passed over Ford's face was barely beaten by how hard he blushed. The very tips of his ears went red, and Stan had to hold in a laugh as his breathing caught in his throat. "Uh-huh," he said, and Mabel raised her eyebrows. "Cool! I'm Mabel!" She stuck her hand out to Ford, who grabbed it almost timidly.
"Whoa, a six-fingered handshake," She said, smiling down at the appendage she was shaking. "That's a full finger friendlier than normal. Nice to meet you grandpa."
"Oh my goodness! The Author of the Journals is my grandpa!" Ford was startled out of his handshake by Dipper's rushed cry of excitement. Dipper dashed up next to his sister and stared up at Ford, who dropped Mabel's hand and took a step backwards, nearly knocking into Stan. "I... I knew that the Author would be cool... but... Whoa!" The boy held both of his hands up to his face and began to breathe very quickly. "Oh my goodness...!"
Ford himself began to hyperventilate. "Stanley... I'm going to faint..." he said quietly, sounding like he might. Stan nodded, then said, "I'll catch you."
Grandfather and grandson were unconscious in less than a minute.
Ford watched his grandchildren playing in the living room silently. For the past thirty years he'd been alone, only worrying about himself. Now he was thrust into a world where he not only had to keep himself and his brother safe, but his grandchildren as well.
Grandchildren. To think that only a week ago Ford hadn't even known he was a father (and he wasn't, not by human standards). He was almost reluctant to perform some tests on the kids, to see how their human-siren DNA worked. An interspecies hybrid. Hybrids. Ford watched them not only for the fact that they were his, but also to see how they handled things.
As far as he could tell they were exactly like normal children. He had learned from Stanley that Mabel could hold her breath for a solid five to ten minutes, and that Dipper could basically squeeze himself into any place he could try to get into. Perhaps these 'supernatural' abilities came from Aria.
Aria. Ford nearly shuddered just thinking about his 'ex'. He had been excited to learn about her species, their art, their diet, their way of life. Little did he know that she had meant more. To go as far as to conceive a child? How could she have thought that that was a logical thing?
He glanced down at his second Journal, flipped open to one of five pages on Sirens. When he had asked about the birthing process she'd given him what he thought was a very blurred description of Siren reproduction. Basically, the female Siren thinks about her mate, and the longer she spends focusing on him and him alone, the better chance they have to have a child.
His cheeks flushed a bright red at the thought. Aria had to have spent hours just thinking about him. And then... he had broken her heart. He had told her that he didn't even consider them as a couple. Hadn't even noticed her advances. No wonder she had swum away in a huff. They were over before he had begun, but she hadn't forgotten.
Dipper and Mabel's father slid into his mind. What was his son like? He'd only been eighteen when he'd married their mother (or at least, that was how it was according to Stan), was it possible he'd inherited his mother's Siren capabilities. The possibilities were endless! This would be a brilliant study. Once Ford released this to the scientific community others would be coming from miles to...
To see his family. To perform experiments and lab tests on his family. On his son and grandchildren. Ford had made an arrogant decision to throw his family under the bus already, and he couldn't repeat that portal incident.
"Yes! I win! Take that Dipper!" Mabel threw her hands up in the air and pointed at the gameboard. Ford didn't recognize the pieces, but Mabel was clearly right as Dipper groaned. "It's not fair." he whispered, and Ford could barely hear him. Dipper leaned close to her and added, "I can't pay attention while he... Grandpa's watching us."
Mabel turned her head to look at Ford. "Hey! Wanna play with us Gramps?"
Ford glanced at his watch, and realized he'd been standing there for an hour. The thought of the half-destroyed portal loomed above him, and he considered denying it. But then Stan's voice echoed in his head. You care more about your dumb mysteries than you do your family. "Sure." he said, and Mabel cheered. "Three cheers for Gramps! Come on, you can sit next to me!"
Ford stepped across the room and sat crosslegged in between the two of them. "Now... How do you play?"
To be honest, Stan had never really thought his brother to be a... grandfatherly type. Stanford was blut, nerdy, geeky, sciencey, weird, and antisocial. The last thing he would probably find pleasure in doing was raising kids.
When Stan had found out that his twin was a dad (with a lady who should be a super model. Stan still sort of drooled when he thought about her), he'd flipped out. He got the kid tested immediately and discovered the truth. Then he had called his mother, told her that the kid was his own (of course, by then he was Stanford, so he was right in saying that it was his twin's...), and never saw him again.
Until Dipper and Mabel came along. How his nephew had snagged a girl so quickly was a mystery in and of itself. But those two button-nosed, brown-haired angels were worth it. Dipper and Mabel. The sun and the moon.
Stan watched his brother play What could go wrong: The board game with the kids, and smiled as Ford won. Again. Mabel claimed that he rigged the dice, and Ford revealed that she was... wrong. "You learn a lot about gambling where I've been. Hey, do you two want to see something cool?"
Ford pulled out a small box. As soon as he opened it and revealed its contents to the kids their eyes got wide. "It's so pretty!" Mabel exclaimed, holding her hands up to the sides of her face. "That's so cool! And impossible!" Dipper added, and Ford laughed. "Yes it is." He said, and he reclosed the box. "It's an infinity sided die. And if I see either of you with it I shall ground you until the end of summer."
"But it's so super-duper amazing!" Mabel cried, watching as he stuck it back inside of his coat. "Yes it is," Ford answered, nodding while he picked up the regular dice. "And it could literally destroy the planet. Or turn the sky green. Or turn all your weapons into chickens." He grinned as he shook the dice in his hands. "Now... This is much safer."
Yup. Ford was 'great' with children. Stan had to applaud him.
Hello everyone.
Guess what day it is! August 31st! Happy birthday Dipper and Mabel! Good job making it to... 21?! HOW? WHAT? THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! Ford, make sure you keep them away from Stan, you know what he's going to want them to do...
I had the idea for this chapter forever ago. Poor Ford. And yay Ford? It's confusing, and weird.
When I was young, I used to think that babies came from the mom and dad just... thinking. Like it was all mental. And Adam knew his wife Eve and brought for a son. Since parents have a special mental bond that's just how it works... right? So Sirens work very similarly, and poor Ford had no idea.
Dad of the year here folks.
Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this. I know I did! I love putting characters in awkward situations. Have a great day!
-BrilliantLight