Please read the author's note at the end of this chapter.
Chapter 24: Stumbling in the Dark
"She doesn't look good."
"She's under a lot of stress. You know that, Edward."
I groaned softly, more than a little bit disoriented. My head was pounding, there was a definite kink in my neck, and my back was aching. Of course, all of this was normal for me, so by all accounts, I felt fine. How many more weeks did I have?
"I'm worried," he said.
I heard a loud snort from who could only be Alice. "Now there's a surprise."
I was too tired to truly be amused, but even I managed to quirk a slight grin at her response. Blinking my eyes, I forced myself to try to focus on where I was. This didn't feel like my couch. It was too soft, too comfortable, and it—I inhaled deeply—smelled of fine leather. I was in Edward's living room.
I moved to sit up just as I heard Alice ask, "What did you tell her?" and I stayed where I was, waiting for his response. My mind quickly sifted through the events of the afternoon. Edward had said a lot of things, and I couldn't help but wonder if he'd regretted anything he'd said. Then again, I'd said a lot of things too, completely making myself vulnerable.
"The truth." Edward's response was so simple, and… honest. I hadn't realized I had been holding my breath until the words were out of his mouth, and I gave a sigh of relief.
"I can't believe she agreed to move in here."
"That makes two of us," he replied.
No, Edward, that makes three of us. I brushed my hand down along my stomach and couldn't help but smile a bit more at the thought. I might be surprised by my decision making, but I also knew— knew down in the depths of my very soul—that I'd made the right decision.
It's fast, the little warning voice said in the back of my head.
I couldn't disagree with that.
He's going to hurt you again, the voice added.
Was he? I mulled over that for a bit. I could easily remember how horrible he'd been. But….
I couldn't help but think about the other side of him. He seemed to truly care about me. The truth— he had just told his sister that he'd told me the truth. Edward had told me that he was falling in love with me.
My heart warmed at the thought because that was better than any dream. Even though my head was still arguing Edward's negative points, my heart wasn't going to give up on him anytime soon. Yes, that very same heart that I'd kept tightly protected for most of my life. That heart was no longer mine; I was giving it away to someone else to guard over. It hadn't necessarily been something that I'd consciously done, but somewhere in the last few days, I'd left it here… for Edward.
Alice and Edward were still talking in the kitchen; it sounded like they were arguing about what to eat. Alice wanted to order Chinese food, while Edward was telling her that more salt was the last thing I needed. Okay, I didn't like the fact that he was, yet again, dictating what I could or couldn't do. However—I lifted my foot up and looked at it with a sigh—even with the lying down on my side for however long it'd been and keeping my feet elevated most of the day while at Esme's house, my ankles looked like they belonged on an elephant rather than a petite woman who—prior to the pregnancy—had been wearing size six clothing.
Groaning again, I sat myself up from the couch and rotated my head my head in an effort to work out the kinks in my neck. My hand went to my head, and I could only imagine how horrible my hair looked after my nap.
"Bella!" I heard Alice call. Turning my head, I smiled as she hurried into the living room to join me. "How are you feeling? I cannot believe those girls were so horrible. Angela feels awful about the whole thing. I asked her why she even invited them, but she said that she invited everyone from the office. Are you mad at me for not telling you about Jasper? I mean, I technically did tell you, but I knew that you were sleeping. I didn't realize that you'd even heard it until Edward told me that part. I'm so thrilled that you're moving in here. I brought you some clothes and your toiletries and put them all in your room. I didn't know if you were planning on using the guest bathroom or Edward's bathroom. His bathroom has that huge jetted tub, so I would think that you'd rather use that one.
Not to mention the shower in there. Oh my God! I think I would give almost anything to have a shower with eight showerheads. But there aren't any places available in this building. Oh, well. I'm sure that when we buy our own house we'll find something that's equally nice. So, is it okay if Jasper and I take over your place until the lease it up? It really would be easier for me. Your apartment is so much closer to my—"
"Breathe, Alice," I interrupted, holding up my hand. I'd been around her for weeks, and I knew that this was simply how she was sometimes, but that didn't mean it didn't make my head spin to try to follow her thought processes. "If you really want my place, you can have it, but it's really not necessary. I'll try to figure out something else if you'd rather."
"Jazz and I will take it. You've got enough to worry about right now."
I swallowed hard and bit back my argument. These people—this family—they were genuine and Alice was right—I had enough to worry about. "Thank you."
Alice let out a breath. "I cannot tell you how nice it is not to have to argue with you about something so trivial," she said as she leaned over and hugged me tightly. "You didn't answer my other questions."
"I'm not upset that you didn't tell me about getting married. Though, I can't understand why you would come back and stay with me afterwards."
She smiled. "It's not just my jackass brother who loves you, Bella. Don't forget that."
I felt my heart stutter in my chest. He loved me. Alice was telling me that Edward loved me. Not falling in love, not nearly there, but she stated it as if it were a fact. The only question was if that were something he'd actually told her or a conclusion that she'd come to on her own.
"That's still not what I was the most concerned about, however. How are you feeling?" she asked, her smile faltering slightly and concern clouding her features.
"I'm okay."
Alice pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. "I do know you well enough to know when you're lying, you know."
"Have you seen my feet?" I asked her in response.
"How could someone not see your feet? They're huge!" She held her hands out to illustrate the size, exaggerating by over double.
I rolled my eyes. "I'm eight months pregnant. I'm ready to be done."
"Are you okay about the rest of it?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
Alice raised her eyebrows. "Bella, you agreed to move in here." She held up her hand when I opened my mouth to speak. "Don't get me wrong. I'm thrilled. Beyond thrilled, actually. I was hoping for this while Jasper and I were in Italy. I just want to make sure that you're all right with it."
"I… yeah, Alice, I really think that things will be okay." I found that when I said the words, I actually believed them.
She just nodded her agreement and helped me to stand up. Then she squealed loudly and wrapped her arms around me again. "I'm going to be an aunt!"
"Alice, you've known this for months."
There was a loud clamoring in the kitchen, and Edward came running into the room. "What? Bella are you okay? What's going on?"
"Oh, she's fine," Alice reassured with a beaming smile. "I'm just getting excited. We're getting close. I can feel it."
I could literally feel the tension leave Edward as he exhaled after Alice's little outburst. "Are you sure?" he asked me anyway.
"Yeah. I'm fine."
"Good. Dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes."
I smiled and excused myself to use the bathroom and then to go change my clothes. I wasn't trying to impress anyone, and I wanted to be comfortable. I also thought that, after my emotional breakdown earlier, it would be a good idea to call Renee and let her know where I was and how I was doing. Alice had sent along several outfits, but I swore that I could almost kiss her for sending along my favorite college t-shirt and my stretchy black pants.
Renee was happy to hear that I was feeling better and even more pleased to hear that I wasn't going to be alone for the evening, even though she said she'd already guessed that. "I know I said that I wanted to string that man up by his balls, sweetie, but he seems like he's really turned around. Don't worry, I made him squirm when he picked us up from the airport, but I like him. He's good for you. And, my God, did you hear what he told those women in the kitchen?"
"What? What women? You mean Jessica and Lauren?" I racked my brain trying to remember what all had happened at Esme's house after I'd dropped the plates, but it was all a blur.
"Yes, baby. Edward told them to shut the hell up, to get out of his mother's house, and to stay the fuck away from you or they'd be charged with harassment."
"He did?"
"Baby, you were standing right there."
"I wasn't… Yeah, Mom, I wasn't thinking very clearly at the moment. I just remember him taking me to the laundry room."
"Well," she went on, now in full gossip mode, "then that really tall and thin blonde woman— Rosanne or Rosa—"
"Rosalie."
"Yes, Rosalie, well then she shoved their coats into their hands and escorted them out the door. It was a lovely sight to behold, baby girl." Then she paused for a moment and sighed. "They are good people. All of them. And they all love you."
"Yeah, I know they do. So what did you do tonight?" I asked in an attempt to alter the direction of the conversation.
"Actually, we just got back to the hotel. Kate watched Brett while Phil and I had an early dinner with Esme and Carlisle. It was lovely."
"Brett and Ashley got along very well this afternoon," I commented.
"I have been informed that they are going to be best friends forever. Apparently they are trying to figure out a way for us to move up here so that they can see each other every day."
My heart clenched for a fraction of a second at the thought of my mother moving closer to me. I would love that. Support from my own family. Strength, security. But there was no way that she'd actually do such a thing. She'd left Forks because of how much she'd hated the rain. Dank, dreary, depressing. I couldn't have said that I blamed her in the least.
A glance at the clock told me that it had been longer than fifteen minutes, and I didn't want to keep Edward waiting for dinner any longer. I told my mother that we'd see her in the morning and ended the call.
The smell of something from the kitchen pulled me out of the room before I could think on it any longer.
"Everything okay?" Edward asked as I entered the kitchen to find that he hadn't quite finished.
"Yes. I just spoke with my mom."
He laughed. "She's very protective of you."
"I know. She loves me, even if it is in her own, unique way."
"That she does."
"Where's Alice?"
"She went home."
"Ah." I grabbed a baby carrot off of the cutting board. "We're having brunch with my mom tomorrow at eleven."
"Yes. Mom and Dad, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper are all going to be there, as well."
That was news to me, but after thinking about it, I knew that this was simply a much larger family than what I'd grown up with. Obviously. "She told me what you said to Jessica and Lauren. Thank you."
He looked up from the pan where he was cooking some chicken and stared at me. "You really don't remember that?"
I shook my head. "No. I was…" I sighed. "I just wasn't able to focus on anything."
"Bella, be honest with me, are you all right?"
"How many times am I going to be asked that today?" I asked in annoyance. Then I sighed. It really wasn't his fault. "Sorry. I'll be fine. Really." The baby kicked, and my stomach growled. "But I am starved."
"Here, take this," he said, handing me a bowl of salad. "I'll follow with the rest of this, and we'll feed that noisy stomach of yours."
~X~
Even after my nap on Edward's couch, I found myself falling into bed only a couple of hours later. I slept better than I had in the last several nights. The bed in the guest room—in my room—was more comfortable than my own bed back in my apartment. The only time I became disoriented was when I had to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and I inadvertently stumbled into Edward's room. I had just realized that I was turned around and moved to walk out when Edward jumped out of bed, switching on the lamp on his nightstand, successfully blinding me. "Bella, what's wrong? Are you okay? Are you having contractions? Did your water break? Bleeding? Headache? Nausea? Vomiting?"
I squinted at him in the bright light, trying to figure out what in the hell he was saying to me. He placed one of his hands firmly on my stomach and appeared as if he were focusing intently on something. "I'm not one of your patients. I'm fine," I mumbled, shoving his hand away, annoyed at his hovering and needless worrying. "I just need the bathroom. Got turned around. Sorry." I turned back to the door, only to have him grab my arm. "Look, Edward, you're going to have to learn to calm down and relax if we're going to do this. I don't do the weak little girl who needs someone to take care of her thing. I don't want my own personal physician. I just want to use the fucking bathroom."
Edward sighed and tugged on my arm. "There is a bathroom right over here."
I rubbed my forehead and took a breath before I followed his lead. Alice was right. The master bathroom was nice and the tub was huge. I was tempted—oh so very tempted—to take a bath right then and there. When I finished, I walked into the bedroom to find Edward sitting on his bed, apparently waiting for me. I took a moment to look at him. He was dressed in a grey t-shirt and a
pair of boxers with his hair perfectly tousled, rubbing his face with his hands, as if he were trying to calm himself.
"Thank you," I said after clearing my throat to gain his attention.
Neither of us made a move nor said anything, and I took a moment to think about what I'd grumbled at him. "I'm sorry about what I said."
"Bella," he said with a sigh, "I will try not to make you feel smothered, but seriously, you showed up in my room, waking me from a dead sleep, at three o'clock in the morning. What do you expect me to do?" Edward sounded tired, and though his words could have been considered harsh, his tone was calm and anything but accusatory.
I walked over to the bed and sat down next to him. "Yeah. I know."
He turned his head towards me and smiled. "You just need to understand that I am going to worry. It doesn't make you weak to let someone take care of you."
"No one has ever taken care of me." That was true. No one ever had. I'd always been the caretaker in every relationship.
Edward put his arm around me, pulling me tightly against his side. "It's about time that changed."
I rest my head against his shoulder. "I'll try. But only if you promise not to be so obsessive."
He chuckled. "I'll try," he repeated.
We sat that way for a long time, his hand rubbing small circles on my other side. When I felt my eyes start to grow heavy, I sat up straighter and pulled away from him. "I should head back to bed."
Edward dropped his hand from my side and nodded. "You know you could…" He nodded at his bed in lieu of saying the words.
His offer was tempting. It was far more enticing that I could even verbalize, but I only gave him a slight smile and shook my head. "I think I better…" My own words trailed off, just as his had.
Edward simply nodded in assent, and I made my way back to my room to sleep for a few more hours.
~X~
Brunch was… long. I'd slept in far later than normal for me and was hungry when I woke, but thanks to Edward's thoughtfulness, I'd had less than an hour until we'd needed to be at the restaurant. There hadn't been time to eat anything. Hell, there'd barely been time to take a shower and change out of my pajamas.
I'd never understood the cliché about hungry, pregnant women being horribly bitchy. But, I swear, it felt like an out-of-body experience. All I could do was watch as the hungry, pregnant version of me
snipped repeatedly at Edward. Even Alice, my mom, and finally Esme—of all people—got caught in that Bella's crosshairs a time or two, also, before she actually ate something and retreated to that quiet corner that I typically chained her to.
My apologies were waved off, and the only person who said anything was Esme. "It'll just teach Edward to feed the pair of you. It's his own damn fault for not waking you up this morning, dear."
Edward glared at her, but after she raised her eyebrows in response, the corners of his mouth twitched into a slight smile, and he looked from his mother to me, and I knew that we had both been forgiven.
When we went back to his place that afternoon, even though it was the only the third time, I couldn't help but notice it was beginning to feel normal. The walking into the apartment, kicking off my shoes, hanging up my coat—it felt right. I made my way to the kitchen to take inventory on what was there so I could make a list for the grocery store. Before we'd left the restaurant, Edward had invited my mom and Phil for dinner Monday night. I was feeling a bit guilty that my mom had arrived the day before, yet I'd only spent a few hours with her. I'd told her that, of course, but she'd brushed my concerns aside and assured me that they had plenty of things to do to keep them occupied and that now was the time for me to be selfish, not worry about her. After that, I'd invited them to dinner tonight, but apparently they were going over to Kate and Garrett's for the evening.
"What are you doing?" Edward's voice startled me, and I jumped in response.
"Trying to decide what to make for dinner tomorrow night," I said as I closed the refrigerator.
He nodded his head towards the paper in my hand. "If you'll give me your list, I can pick everything up tomorrow afternoon."
"Okay."
"We're having company in about thirty minutes," he announced when I finished the shopping list and handed it to him.
"Who?" We'd just seen his family, and they had all mentioned plans for the afternoon and evening.
"His name is Marcus Attino."
I don't know why it hadn't occurred to me before, but it wasn't until Edward gave the name of a person I'd never heard of before that I realized Edward had friends outside of his family. "Oh. Well, I'll just go to my room and give you some privacy."
"He's a lawyer, Bella."
"Okay. I'll go to my room to give you and your lawyer friend some privacy," I repeated, a touch annoyed. I didn't care what careers Edward's friends had. Doctors, lawyers… all of them just screamed money to me.
Edward sighed in exasperation. "Marcus isn't coming here to see me."
What?
"He specializes in employment law and discrimination. He's coming here to help you prepare for your meeting tomorrow."
To say that I was stunned would have been an understatement. "But it's Sunday," I managed to mumble when I finally found my words.
He shrugged.
It only took another moment for my shock to morph into anger, and I slammed my fist down on the counter. "Why did you get me a lawyer, Edward? Didn't I tell you that I don't want people hovering over me and trying do everything for me? I don't want a lawyer. I'll manage just fine on my own!" I felt my eyes start to sting with angry tears.
"Bella, even a General has an army to lead into battle."
I wiped my eyes before the tears could fall. "And who am I in that scenario?"
He walked over so that he was standing in front of me. "You're the General, and it's time that you prepared your troops. Angela will be here soon, too."
Taking a breath, I considered his words for a moment. When I exhaled, I released a bit of the tension and anger that had quickly bubbled to the surface. "Fine."
Edward leaned down and kissed my forehead before walking out of the kitchen with my shopping list in his hands.
~X~
It was after seven when Marcus and Angela finally left. Over four hours of discussion, but at least I felt slightly more prepared for my meeting in the morning. There were no major breakthroughs, no turning points. Simply a plan of action. As Edward had predicted, according to Marcus, I had grounds for a lawsuit. Now the goal was simply to go into my meeting with the intent of stating my case and then wait to see what Jack was planning to do.
Marcus would be on speed dial if I needed him to show up at my meeting, however, I felt strongly that Jack needed to tip his hand before we did anything else. My decision was completely based on gut instinct, which wasn't nearly enough to satisfy Marcus and Edward. "The last thing you need right now, Bella, is for any more needless stress," Edward had said. But no matter how much he'd pleaded, I had to tell him no. I knew better than any of them how Jack worked, and I needed to see his hand of cards before I agreed to play.
Edward made dinner again, saying I had been busy with Marcus and Angela and he hadn't wanted to make the same mistake as he had earlier that morning and not feed me in a timely manner.
By the time we'd finished eating dinner, I could no longer stay awake. I excused myself and went to bed, barely able to keep my eyes open long enough to change into more comfortable sleepwear.
Thankfully, Sunday night's midnight stroll to the bathroom was uneventful. Well, insomuch that I didn't go anywhere unintentional. However, the bathroom was on the other end of the condo, and by the time I was finished in there, I was fully awake. I then spent the next two hours sitting in the rocking chair in the nursery, thinking about what was to come in the next few weeks. But as I slowly rocked, I couldn't help but notice the sense of fear and trepidation I'd been feeling for the last several months was rapidly melting away… so much so, in fact, that when I finally found my way back to bed sometime after three, it was with a small smile and a rapidly growing bubble of excitement.
~X~
"You've got to relax, Bella." Angela was sitting across from me as we went over a few last minute details before Jack arrived. His flight was scheduled to land at 9:15. As per his usual arrangements, he had hired a car to drive him from the airport down to the office.
"I'm trying," I said as I massaged my temples. It was a meager attempt to get rid of my headache. At least I had a reason for my headache this time.
Just as the clock in my office noted the turn of the hour, my phone rang to tell me that Jack's car was pulling up out front.
Angela looked up at me with concern. "I'll go make sure that the conference room is ready," she said after taking a deep breath. Then she rushed out of the room as I gathered up my papers and notes to follow.
When I walked into the conference room, Angela gave me a quick hug and waited with me while everyone else arrived. I ignored all of them. I knew that she would have Marcus on speed dial if I needed him.
"Mr. Newton," I acknowledged when he walked into the room that Angela had set up for our meeting.
"Good morning, Isabella," he greeted, eyeing me cautiously before he sat down on the other side of the table from where I stood. Laurent sat down next to Jack. Then Mike sat on my right, while Angela sat to my left. Jessica moved to Mike's other side. It made me feel a bit more confident having the four of us on one side of the table to face down Jack and Laurent.
The introductions continued, and I fought to focus on them, but that task was proving to be more difficult than I had anticipated. What had been a constant pounding in my head was slowly growing into a dull roar.
Jack turned his attention to both Angela and Jessica and asked them to go back to work at their desks. Jessica swept from the room in a huff. Angela squeezed my shoulder in a show of support before she left as well, leaving Mike and I sitting together alone to face his father.
"You're not looking very good," Mike whispered from my right.
I barely shook my head in response to him before I turned my attention to Jack. How did he expect me to look? I was about to be fired, and it seemed like Jack was going to make damn sure he had an audience to my humiliation.
"I came up here to discuss the future of Newton Corporation in the Pacific Northwest," he began. He went on to explain his vision for the company, his goals, and the fiscal outlook. None of the information was news to me, and I found it growing ever more difficult to focus on his words.
I attempted to take notes as he spoke, hoping that he would say something that might help with my defense—yes, it felt like a trial, complete with opening arguments—however, the words seemed to swim on the paper in front of me.
When Jack finished his speech, he turned his attention solely to me. "In these files are every complaint that has been logged in regards to this office since it opened six months ago," he said, pointing to a large stack of folders sitting on the table in front of him, "the majority of which have been in the last two months. The most notable is the letter I received from Bill McIntyre after he found a way to terminate his contract with us. As it stands, I don't see how we can afford to keep this office open, and so I've decided to shut down this branch. I will need you two," he said indicating Mike and me, "to close up shop here and be back in Arizona within the month."
The roaring in my ears was becoming deafening as I processed what he'd just said. "Wait. You're not firing me?" I asked, shaking my head in an effort to clear it. Obviously, I'd misheard him.
Jack huffed in annoyance. "Don't be ridiculous, Isabella. You're family." The quick but pointed look he shot at Mike didn't escape my notice, however.
"But I screwed up." Okay, that was stupid, but my head was hurting bad enough as it was. I was having difficulty with the unexpected direction that the morning had gone. Turning to look at Mike, it appeared he was just as surprised by the turn of events as I was.
"I'm well aware of that fact," Jack said, sounding much like a father scolding a small child. "That's why we're shutting down the office. Did that baby cause you to lose your hearing, as well?"
Asshole. Judging by the loud thudding in my ears, however, I'd say that he was right on that score, but I wasn't about to let him know that. Instead, I slammed my fist on the table. This wasn't what I'd prepared for. It wasn't what Mike had said this would be. Besides, who in the hell shut down an office after only six months? "You expect me to up and move with no notice? What about our clients? What about our employees? I'm going to have a baby in a month. I can't just jump on a plane and leave!"
"You moved here with very little notice," he reminded me.
Things had been different then. I had been different then. My life had only been me, no strings attached to anyone or anything.
"You can have your baby in Arizona. Or, hell, have it here for all I care. Just tell them you want to have it now. Isn't that how deliveries work these days? You set the date? Designer Delivery? Figure it out. I don't really care, as long as you're back in Arizona by the end of the month," he said, glaring at me.
My head was whirling from his words, and I barely caught his explanation of Laurent staying behind to help Mike and I clean things up and then something about how Jack was going to send him to check on the newest office in Colorado. "Wait. Wait," I said interrupting whatever it was Jack was saying next. "You hired him as some sort of efficiency expert?"
"Does that surprise you?" Jack asked.
After thinking about it for a minute, no, it didn't surprise me much at all. But I held my tongue, and after another moment, Jack went on to lay out his plan. All I could do was look between the three men in an attempt to gauge their thoughts. Laurent didn't seem surprised by the present discussion at all.
"You didn't answer my question about the clients," I said, interrupting yet again.
"We'll do what we've always done and manage them from Phoenix. In another six to twelve months, we might look into opening an office in Boise or somewhere, but we did just fine with the travel before."
He wanted Mike and me to go back to traveling as much as we used to? I was about to have a baby for crying out loud. Who was I supposed to leave him with? "But—"
"You lost the client that was the most concerned about how far away we were based. Now it's simply an unnecessary and added expense to keep you both up here. I want you and Mike to come home… where you belong."
Now I felt exactly like a naughty child being disciplined. Then everything that Mike had said a few nights earlier came pouring back. Jack wanted Mike and me together. My gut twisted as I realized to what extent he wanted that. He desired it badly enough to send us here to work together, and now that it was clear things hadn't turn out the way he'd planned, he was going to yank us back so that we were under his thumb, where he thought he had more control… where he thought he could force his agenda on both me and his son.
The anger began to boil in my blood, and I felt my heart pounding in my chest as the ache in my head increased tenfold. The more the seconds ticked on, the more my head throbbed and the more difficult it became to focus on anything else. I barely even noticed when I stood up in the middle of one of Jack's tirades. All I knew was that I had to get out of there.
Standing in the hallway, I leaned my back against the wall and closed my eyes, taking deep and measured breaths while I tried to focus on calming down. I could hear shouting coming from behind the closed conference room door but decided that none of it concerned me. A sudden wave of nausea crashed over me, and I swallowed thickly. Another second ticked, and I knew I had to get to the bathroom. Pushing away from the wall, I opened my eyes but quickly realized that it didn't help me any to see where I was going. Hundreds of dancing black dots peppered my vision, and I felt nearly blind as my hand grappled for the doorknob.
I was sick almost as soon as I stumbled into the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet. Several minutes later, when my stomach was completely empty, I leaned my head against the cool tile wall, a strong sense of foreboding settling over me.
The only thing that I knew was that I needed Edward, and I needed him now. Reaching into the pocket of my slacks, I grabbed my phone.
Need you. Come get me now, I typed, barely able to make out the letters on the keyboard. Then I hit send, closed my eyes, and waited.
A/N: Hey! Long time, no see!
First of all, I'm so sorry! That's really the gist right there. The next chapter will be up very soon. For a more complete account of what took so long, keep reading, but all you really need to know is that… I'M SORRY! And the rest of this story will follow soon!
The rest of this is just rambling...
To be honest, I never worried too much about the fic sitting here incomplete. I felt bad, but the story is done. It's been done. And many people have a copy of it on their hard drive. And there are sites where you can still find it. But, not everyone has a copy and it's harder for some people to find those sites than others. If you weren't around (or even if you were and you don't remember) I had this entire story written and posted years ago. Then in a fit of pique (seriously, just really, really stupid drama) I said "fuck it" and pulled my stories down. Yes, it was stupid, yes it was childish, but even adults can have bad days and Shug was busy and wasn't around to talk me off a ledge. My lovely hit count and reviews (well over 10k) went with it… into the abyss. Ahh, well.
Eventually, I reposted most of my work. This fic, however, never completely went up. When I started reposting, I decided I'd clean it up a bit. Then as I was cleaning it up, I thought I might like to rework it as an o-fic. There were multiple problems with that and I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the best way through them. But ultimately, I had wanted to have the o-fic original enough that I could keep this story up. That never worked. At the time I was also working as a book editor. To make a long story short, I eventually became very burnt out on both this story and writing altogether. It was this mixture of feeling like anything I wrote had to be perfect and trying to please too many people with what I wrote. As I became burnt out, I ultimately let go of this story as well.
I no longer have any desire to publish anything. But I'm hoping that someday my desire to write fanfic will return. Well, that's not right. I desire to write it, I've just forgotten how. (It's back to that "trying to make everyone else happy", "worrying about other people's opinions", and "trying to be perfect" that get me every time I've tried in the last several years.) But maybe someday I'll get over that mental hurdle. We'll see.
I get messages, emails, PMs, and reviews every once in a while, with requests to complete this story and I'm finally in a place where I can do that. I have a copy of the pdf I made when I pulled the story the first time and will get the remaining chapters up very soon! However, I will not be making edits to these last few chapters. I honestly don't remember what changes I made from the original to now. Pretty sure one of the changes was to go from a Blackberry to just a cellphone or iPhone… but I have no clue what else I did. So please forgive any inconsistencies. I have not read this story in YEARS, and when I skimmed this chapter (sorry about the cliffie) I was honestly a bit surprised. (I had forgotten about the whole Jack thing! LOL!)
I have had a couple of computers in the past several years that up and crashed on me so I don't have any of my original files. Hell, I didn't even have Word until a couple of weeks ago and I've had this computer for over a year. I don't have an update schedule, but my goal is to try to get the remaining chapters queued up in the next few days. I will post the chapters as I get the chance. Please be patient. I am working full-time these days (yes, even now) and always tired. When I was no longer editing and was too burnt out to write or even read much of anything I decided to go back to my original career. That entailed a small online course and then after I went back to work, I had to go back and further my degree. I finished school two years ago, transferred to a different department and finally feel like things have settled down. And, after I finished school, I found that I love reading again. :)
Thanks to all who are still reading! See you soon!