Remy couldn't believe they were standing here. James parents had been murdered and they were now just left in Potter Manor, alone.

"Guys, I don't think I can keep doing this," Remy stammered between tears.

"Doing what?"

"Watching everyone we care about die. I can't take this."

Remy was crying harder and Sirius pulled her into his chest. James was wondering around aimlessly. Sirius and Remy were both very worried about him.

"You want to know something that's fucked?" James asked. "I shagged Evans last night. We were working through schedules and bullshit and she looked great so I kissed her and she didn't stop me. We spent the whole night together locked up in the heads common room."

"Well fuck Prongs, I'm sorry mate. That's fucking twisted."

"Yeah, I finally get the girl and my fucking parents get murdered as a result."

"James come on. You know that shit is separate. I'm sorry that you don't get to have that joy though. You're first time should have been a happy memory."

"What's worse is I just want to fucking see her right now. I want her next to me."

"I think that's normal. After someone you love dies is hard to not want some kind of physical comfort."

"It feels twisted."

"Just do want ever the fuck will make you feel better. Even if it's only for a little bit. I spent three days sleeping with Sirius after Derek died."

James and Sirius both looked a little surprised. Sirius and Remy hadn't talked about anything that happened while they were locked away in that room. From the look on James' face she realized Sirius hadn't told him.

"Did it make you feel any less shit?"

"Yeah, for the moment at least. Nothing is going to make you feel any better for a while man, but it's nice to feel like a person again for a minute."

Sirius has found a bottle of wine and was drinking heavily from it. He handed it to James who did the same. Remy joined in and the three killed a few bottles that way.

By the time Lily showed up the three were drunk and in quite a state. James stumbled walking over to her, but did manage to pull her in for a long kiss. Remy and Sirius were both suddenly much sadder.

"Why'd you never tell James we slept together?"

"I don't know, I just didn't seem like it was the same. You needed to fuck to feel something so we did, but it didn't seem like it meant anything else."

"I love you," Remy whispered.

"I love you to Rems," Sirius replied ruffling her hair.

"No Sirius, I think I love you or I don't know what this is, but I'm going crazy. I'm sorry for all the bullshit I've put you through, but I love you. And I can't keep being afraid of it."

Sirius was shocked. He was drunk, but he still couldn't believe it. She had to be fucking with him.

"Please don't say shit you don't mean. You can't tell me you love me tonight and then go back to Mooney like nothing happened."

"I don't want to hurt him. He's such an incredible person and he deserves to be with someone who isn't constantly thinking about some other guys. I've called out your name before when he's fucking me and the look on his face after kills me. I can't keep making both of you look like that all the time."

"I need to hear you say it again."

"I love you Sirius Black. I love you so much it scares the shit out of me. I never knew I could feel like this."

Sirius kissed her and they left Lily and James to continue making out in the living room. They were tearing at each other's clothes before they could get into Sirius' room. Sirius pinned her against the wall and started to slowly run his hand all over her body.

"Sirius I want you now," Remy whined kissing his neck.

"I want to savor this Rems, I want to touch and kiss you everywhere."

The way he whispered that made Remy shiver. He worked his hands and his lips slowly down her body and she was already panting before he had even reached her center.

Sirius could feel her trembling and he slowed down even more. By the time he slid a finger inside her she was already at her peak. That didn't stop him at all. By the time Sirius had finished with her she was weak and shaking. He carried her to the bed and made love to her until he climaxed and the collapsed against each other.

"That was incredible. I didn't know it could be like that."

"Me neither, I've never done anything like that with anyone before. I just needed to feel all of you."

"That's beautiful."

"Yeah, maybe. I just really love you Rems. And I need you to promise that you'll really try this time."

"I promise Sirius. I really want to love you, if you'll let me."