Chapter thirty-one

They sat there for a long time, not saying anything to each other, before Roy pulled out of the hug because of the sound of shifting duvets. He looked over to find Ed peeking out from under his duvet like a turtle inside its shell, mewling slightly as he was discovered. He was staring at them with fear, sniffing the air suspiciously.

Roy smiled at him gently, happy to see that he was past that "overload" phase that made him try to shut everyone and everything out by hiding under his duvets. Roy had been afraid that he'd spend hours under there like he had done when seeing the photo of Gregor. "Hi, Edward, are you feeling better?" Roy asked kindly, reaching out his index finger for him to take.

"Eddah," Ed said quietly and reached out cautiously to grab the proffered digit.

"He has learnt his name?" Riza asked gently, and Roy could hear a little hint of hopefulness in her voice.

"No... Not exactly... He calls those he seems to ... have a bond with, I guess, by the words he strongly associates with us calling him... So at the moment, I'm "Edward" and Alphonse is "Brother"," Roy told her, trying to keep his smile in place to not risk upsetting Edward, but he was having a hard time doing so.

"Bo-uh," Ed said. Roy was wondering just why Ed seemed to always need to repeat that word. He could be instinctively remembering the importance of his little brother, and felt a need to reaffirm the way it was important. It could be that he was trying to trigger some of his memories. Roy didn't know.

Riza reached out and squeezed Roy's free hand, offering some comfort.

Roy squeezed it back. He was eternally grateful for her being here with him through this. She hadn't even questioned it. She had already set up a home office in Roy's study.

He was home.

But Edward wasn't. That bitch had broken his mind and if her words were true, then he was never going to be the same ever again. She had broken one of the most brilliant minds in Amestrian history.

And now Ed was just staring at him, clutching his finger, and his eyes held torment that Roy knew was far greater than his own, no matter how much Roy hurt. No matter how much torment it brought him to see Ed like this. To remember all that had happened to his kid.

Because it only took one look at Ed's eyes to tell that the child was still in hell.

And Roy had a nasty feeling just what it was, based on what Ed screamed as the drug broke his mind.

""It's so noisy! Voices, thoughts, songs, words, they're all screaming!"" Roy quoted in barely more than a whisper, his chest tight as he looked into Ed's frightened eyes.

"Roy?" Riza asked quietly, worry evident. "What do you mean?"

"That's what he said. "My head! It's like it's on fire! Make it stop! Please!"" Roy continued quoting, his throat tightening. "Those were the last words he said while still able to recognise me."

"Roy..." Riza began, but for once, it seemed that she didn't know what to say other than that, but she began softly stroking the top of his hand with her thumb. Nothing suggestive, just a silent "I'm here for you."

"What if it never stopped?" Roy continued. "What if he's still trapped in that hellish whirlwind of never-ending noise? What if behind those eyes, his mind is screaming with uprooted fragments of memories that never settle and that is why he can't remember? It would explain why he is acting like he does. He's reverted to his most basic instincts while his mind is sometimes able to halfway place a memory because it is screaming at just the right time. He can hardly think because all his thoughts are based on memories that he only briefly registers before they are blocked by everything else," Roy began thinking hard, realisation hitting him. "We might be able to help with that. Riza, go over to the turntable and pull out the album that Maes brought two months ago," Roy said urgently. If Roy could release Ed from just a bit of what was torturing him, then it couldn't be done soon enough.

Riza was already on her feet. "The one with the children's songs?" She asked, slightly confused.

"Yes. If I'm right, then the simplicity and straightforwardness might just be able to break through and at least block out some of the constant noise in his head. Think about it, it's noise that he can use as a lifeline. And the way it sticks so damned easily to your mind might be just what he needs. Some sort of mental wall against the torrent."

Please let me be right...

If he was, then Roy would praise Maes for insisting that Roy kept that album for when Maes came to visit with his family. He would never again object that if Maes insisted that they'd listen to "Row, row, row your boat," then Maes could bring his own record. Hell, he'd buy Elicia a six-feet teddybear.

Roy sat there, tense, Ed staring at Riza with fright as he held Roy's finger just a bit tighter.

Then the music started playing and "Bah, bah, black sheep," began filling the room.

Ed froze. His body stiffened and he began sniffing the air. Roy began to realise that Ed was probably experiencing this as the first time he ever heard music. Roy was desperately hoping that Ed wasn't going to panic because of the new sounds.

As the song changed to "Twinkle, twinkle little star," Ed released his grip on Roy's finger and crawled out from under his duvet and threw a pillow at the sideboard that the turntable was placed on, making Roy afraid that this had been a very bad idea after all. Riza immediately moved to turn off the music, but then paused as Ed began dragging himself forwards over to the turntable, but paused midway, his face trained on Riza by the looks of it. Roy knew that Ed still wasn't entirely trustful of her, which was probably why he wasn't moving too close to her. "Riza, please move over to the couch," Roy said, looking at her to tell her that she wasn't doing anything wrong. They both knew that Ed was sceptical of her, probably because of something as simple as the fact that she was a woman. The only other woman that Ed seemed to remember was Melanie after all.

Riza nodded and moved away, walking in a wide circle away from Ed while Roy stood up in case Ed was about to attack the turntable to make it stop.

Ed looked back at him, fright in his face. "Eddah," he said as if asking for Roy's opinion on what to do next.

Roy smiled gently and spoke softly. "It's okay, Ed, just do what you want."

Ed looked at him for another minute, in time for the music to change once more, this time to "Itsy bitsy spider". Then he froze again, listening intently. He looked at Roy's still smiling face and turned back towards the turntable and over to his pillow. Roy was anxious about what would happen next. Ed seemed to mostly just look scared, so his expression wasn't anything to go by.

Ed threw his pillow once more at the sideboard and Roy moved forwards just to make sure that he would be able to stop Ed from hurting himself.

Then Ed reached his pillow and placed his head on it, curling in on himself, facing Roy. His toes were tucked in under his poncho and so were his fingers.

"Riza, I think he likes it," Roy said, relief and happiness filling his chest and he felt a genuine smile on his face.

And then Ed smiled back at him. Not much, but it was there and his features were softening just a bit, his fear seeming to dissipate just slightly.

Roy felt his legs shaking and he sat down before they gave out on him. He pulled his knees up to his chest and smiled brighter than he had done for a long, long time as he watched Ed. Roy could only watch in amazement and joy as the weight on his chest just became a bit less heavy at the sight of Ed lying there like that. It was clear: this was the closest Ed had been to peace of mind in two weeks.

Roy felt a tear building in the corner of his eye and he wiped it away so that Ed didn't misinterpret it. Roy was finally able to take away just a bit of Ed's pain, and that was all that mattered.

And if that meant having to constantly listen to some of the most annoying songs ever known to man, then so be it.

Because that look on Edward's face was making his lips tremble with emotions that Roy didn't even know how to describe.