Breathe Chapter 36, a victorious fanfic

Jade sat quietly, staring out at the horizon but not really seeing it; her mind was occupied by other things. She knew it had been too much to hope for really, to think that after the quietly monumental day she'd had that it wouldn't have any effect on her. She'd eyed the sleeping pill with contempt for almost five minutes before she'd finally swallowed it. She'd managed an hour more than the few nights previous but apparently even a dime sized tablet of artificial chemicals wasn't enough to deter her brain from waking her up. She'd gone to bed several hours earlier than usual but it had seemed to have no effect. As it was, the strange dreams she'd fallen in and out of almost made her wish she hadn't had the extra hour. This time it didn't take a genius to figure out the meaning behind them as her father and mother had filtered through them, distorted words and faces before she finally found herself back on the same cliff; for the first time it had been dusk and the inky black ocean looked almost peaceful as it buffeted the rocks below.

Now she strained to make out the thin strip of ocean, clouds obscuring her view but still welcomed as they kept the air temperature mild. Her phone call with Beck had been shorter than she'd been expecting. He'd sounded more relaxed, at least to her, but he hadn't been able to keep the surprise out of his voice when she told him that she'd been back to her mother's house. She tried to drop it in nonchalantly, loathed to make a big deal out of it but, of course, there was nothing casual about returning to the scene of the crime. She gave Beck his due though, he hadn't asked much beyond what she was willing to tell although he had accepted her thanks at his efforts to restore order to her trashed bedroom. She'd pulled out her phone twice now, contemplating calling Beck but both times had returned her phone to her jacket pocket. She wasn't sure if she was seeking comfort, reassurance or maybe just plain old company but regardless, her brain just wouldn't let her.

Recently being alone with her thoughts had been her idea of hell, something that would make her stomach twist unpleasantly but now it seemed different somehow, peaceful again like it had been so many times before. The notebook on her lap was beckoning to her, the empty pages desperate for her to write something but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. The notebook had been salvaged from her room, it's only outward signs of damage being crumpled edges and a bent cover; nothing that couldn't be straightened out, she had decided as she'd stuffed it into her bag.

Jade sighed as she looked at the blank pages again, holding her pen lightly between her fingers as she considered the blank space. She knew inspiration usually didn't come if you forced it but, all of a sudden and without any real fanfare, she knew what she needed to write.

Tori ignored her phone as it buzzed for what must have been the fifth time in almost as many minutes. Andre was driving her up the wall, unable to stay on track with any version of lyrics for more than a few hours, and that was being generous. She wasn't really sure what his problem was, they weren't necessarily the greatest lyrics he'd ever written but they were still pretty awesome. In typical Andre style they wove themselves in-between the melody like a complex embroidery, never overpowering but never melting into the background. The only thing she had noticed was with each revision the meaning of the song seemed to shift, only in subtle ways but she wondered if Andre was no longer sure what he wanted it to be about. It was more power-ballad than his usual pop fair, a challenge from his song-writing teacher which he had originally been excited about, but now it seemed to be causing him more stress than good. It didn't stop Tori groaning as her phone switched to a long continuous buzz, indicating she had an incoming call.

"What now Andre?"

"Huh? It's not Andre, its Cat!" Cat's bubbly voice made Tori wince, and she forced her tone to brighten in an apology.

"Sorry Cat, Andre's been texting me non-stop and I thought it was him; he's driving me mad."

"It's okay, I know he's really worried about his song."

"I don't get it, his lyrics are decent and nothing anyone else suggests is good enough."

"He'll find it in the end." Cat seemed nonplussed by Andre's dilemma but it was only then Tori realised the time.

"It's quite late Cat, is everything okay?"

"Yes-y, just fancied a chat, I was watching the Celebrities under water marathon on Eight."

"Same! I totally lost track of time but now I wish I'd gone to bed! Did you do anything fun today?"

"I hung out with Jadey" From her tone, Tori immediately realised that this must have been the real reason for her late-night phone call; excitement overflowing from her words so much so that Tori could practically see her bouncing on the spot.

"You saw Jade? How was she?"

"Better, she was more normal, but she still does that thing where she's not really there even though she's talking."

Tori chewed the new information over, unsure what to make of Cat's assessment.

"What did you do?" Tori couldn't even imagine Jade leaving the house, not in the way she'd painted an image of post-accident Jade in her head.

"We hung out here and got some of her stuff from her mom's house." This surprised Tori, making her think that maybe Jade really was improving.

"Do you think I should text her?"

Cat went silent and Tori felt guilty, still struggling with the fact that she hadn't bothered so much with Jade after the break-up.

"Maybe leave it a bit longer, she's still really sad." Cat's childlike innocence behind the statement almost brought tears to Tori's eyes. She still couldn't imagine having to go through what Jade had in the past few weeks.

"You're right, I'm glad you got to see her though Cat."

"Me too." She could practically hear Cat's smile grow. "She said she might come to the Spring showcase though."

"That's great, if Andre ever manages to finish his song though."

"Andre needs to finish his song!" Cat repeated, much to Tori's confusion.

"I know Cat, that's what I was telling you about-"

"Gotta go, byeee."

Tori stared at her phone as Cat abruptly ended the call, none the wiser to the red head's motives. She hovered over her inbox, showing 13 unread messages from Andre before quickly turning her phone off. She'd deal with that in the morning she decided with a yawn.

Andre stared down at his phone, trying to decide if his conversation with Cat had been a reality or a caffeine-induced, sleep-deprived hallucination. Cat's words were ringing in his ears as she'd rang to tell him to call Jade, that she'd help him fix his song. He'd tried to protest but had been cheerfully shouted over before she hung up the phone, effectively ending all attempts at a response. It wasn't that he didn't want to call Jade, in fact under normal circumstances he would have thought Cat was onto something as Jade was a skilled lyricist, but he'd barely spoken to her since the accident. He'd never had a response to the text message he'd sent and, going off of the information Beck had filtered through, she wasn't in a great place right now.

Still, he toyed with the idea his desperation to finish the song clinging onto the fact that he knew Cat had spent all day with her. Surely if Cat and Jade had been hanging out, one text couldn't hurt. He pulled up her contact and began to type.

Hey Jade, hope you're feeling a bit better – Cat said you guys had fun chilling out today. I was just wondering – and it's totally cool for you to say no – but I'm struggling to finish a song, and I really need a fresh perspective. Totally cool if you're not up for it but

But what? He re-read the message cringing at the artificial nonchalance it was oozing. What did you say to a friend who had nearly died at the hands of her abusive mother, lost said mother and gone to live with her almost non-existent father? He sighed before scrubbing the last sentence entirely and hit send before he could question it further.

Jade felt relief when her phone buzzed. She'd been determined not to text Beck, but it was different if he texted her first, right? As a result, she felt totally blindsided when Andre's name greeted her as she tapped her phone to life. What was Andre still doing up at 1:30am? Curiosity getting the better of her, she opened the message, her brow furrowing as she read through it several times in an attempt to determine the true meaning behind it.

Andre had mentioned Cat – was this their attempt at dragging her back to the real world? Jade felt a flash of anger towards the red head, something she was not used to feeling towards her supposed best friend at all. Jade tried to tamp it down as quickly as it came, maybe Cat had though she was doing the right thing, she reasoned with herself.

She scanned the message again, as though it would provide her with some magical answer. It wasn't as though she'd never helped Andre write before, and the timing of the message did seem to suggest it could be genuine; she vaguely remembered Cat mentioning something about it earlier in the day. Jade swallowed, letting her breathing fall into the familiar rhythm as she started to formulate a reply. It took several attempts before her frustration won out and her familiar brusk manner reasserted itself.

What's the song?

She tried to kid herself that she wasn't waiting for a reply, that browsing the slap was something she'd been planning on doing all along; Even though she'd already been down the entire recent history earlier that evening. It was maybe her fourth scowl at Rex's blatant attempt at flirting with the Northridge senior girls swim team when her phone buzzed again.