(A/N) Another long wait... I've been busy, sorry. But this is finally up! yay!

Often, I give song suggestions, but this time it is a hard core " you need to listen. Have the song ready to play as soon as you finish the chapter because this applies to every man in the chapter with emotions I couldn't hope to write. Afraid by The Neighborhood

Chapter 30

"Dear fucking god, woman," Grimmjow growled, "You are going to know this man better than we do."

Mara smiled at the Grimmjow's angry turquoise eyes, closed in frustration. He had already moved to laying on the couch in Hisagi's office, now he had resorted to putting a pillow on his face to drown out her endless questions. Patience and planning were clearly not his forte. "That's the idea, Grimm."

"He makes a point," Hisagi sighed, leaning back in his desk chair and rubbing his temples, "We have given you the run down on him like three times already."

"Yeah, yeah," Mara muttered, returning to her doodling where she was curled up in a plush chair, "I know you've given me all you can think of, but what about what you can't think of?"

"If we can't think of it, how are we supposed to tell you?" grumbled Grimmjow, theatrical hopelessness laced in his words.

"I mean, c'mon guys. All you gave me was basically his employment history and timeline, but what about him? What's he like? What does he like? Who is he as a person, not as a lieutenant?" She asked, not looking up from her doodle.

"I am not sure if I can say that I know him like that anymore, Koi," Hisagi said as he shuffled his papers, leaning back forward to working on his paperwork, "He came back different than when he left. I last saw him six years ago."

"Seven years for me, and all I remember is that he's a motherfucker." With that Grimmjow rolled to face the back of the couch.

Mara wadded up the sheet of paper that she had been aimlessly drawing on and threw it at Grimmjow's head. Instead the paper bounced off the bone on the side of his face, rolling under the low table in the room.

Slanting back glowing teal eyes in her direction, Grimmjow raised an eyebrow at the girl who was desperately trying not to smile and failing miserably. "Really, Yume?"

Mara stuck her tongue out at him. "Next time I'll aim for the hole."

Grimmjow barked out a laugh, only to toss the pillow at Mara, catching her straight in the face and causing them both to laugh uproariously.

"Alright, alright, children." Hisagi tried to calm them but the smile in his voice overwhelmed any note of sternness. "What exactly are you looking for, Mara?"

"Hmm," Mara pondered with a finger pressed to her lips, "Well, let's start with why you hate him so much, Grimm."

"All I wanted to do was fight Kurosaki," Grimmjow said slowly, voice laced with an uncommon sadness. "But no, the whole crew came and invaded Hueco Mundo to rescue that woman that could heal with a thought, fighting their way through. I lost. They had paved the way for Soul Society to come sweep up everything, including me. I was brought from my home and tortured for years… I don't just hate him, I hate all of 'em."

Mara reigned in her expression of sympathy. She had learned enough in their few short weeks to know that Grimmjow would only get pissed off about it. Instead she tried to focus on the details hidden in his brief explanation. "He went all the way to Hueco Mundo? He really was willing to do anything for Soul Society, huh?"

"Not Soul Society," Hisagi added distractedly from the desk, "That wasn't sanctioned at the time he went. As a matter of fact, I think it may have been expressly forbidden. He did that for Rukia."

"Rukia?" Mara asked.

"Shit, yeah," Grimmjow answered, finally rising to sitting, "How could I have forgotten that? You couldn't have Renji without Rukia."

"Now we are getting somewhere!" Mara said, rubbing her hands together before settling to take notes instead of drawing. "So, they were all there to save Rukia?"

"No, they were there to save the woman," Grimmjow said.

"How very explanatory," Mara replied dryly.

Turning in his chair to face them, Hisagi tapped his pen thoughtfully. "Okay, it all starts with Kurosaki. He was a crazy powerful kid from Karakura Town…" Hisagi paused as he watched Mara pull up her sleeve to look at her emergency tattoo. He knew she was reading the name of the hospital tattooed there even before she shot a wide-eyed look at him.

"One and the same, Koi," he chuckled softly, "Anyway, He was strong enough that he awoke latent powers in some of his friends. One of them was a girl named Orihime who could heal anything and change things to her will."

"Her power was fucking insane," Grimmjow said, licking his lips.

"No," Hisagi said rolling his eyes at Grimmjow and ignoring the middle finger he got in return, "She was kidnapped and taken to Hueco Mundo. Kurosaki is- was- insanely protective of his friends and went after her. Rukia was in love with Kurosaki and followed him. Renji was in love with Rukia and followed her."

"You said 'was'- what happened to Kurosaki?"

"Fucker defeated Aizen," Grimmjow said lowly, a note of respect in his voice, "Aizen was the first shinigami to fuck up my home… but Kurosaki lost all his power in the process."

"Aizen?" Mara asked, pausing in her notes.

"An enemy of Soul Society-" Hisagi began.

"An enemy of everyone," Grimmjow cut in.

"Ok, everyone's enemy," Hisagi conceded, "But he is tertiary to the Renji part."

"So back to Kurosaki, Mara said, refocusing, "What do you mean he lost his power?"

"He became normal," Hisagi continued, "He is the same as any other guy now. He can't even see hollows and shingami anymore. He tried for years to find a way but there is none that we know of. But that didn't stop Rukia from following him to the real world and trailing him constantly."

"And where Rukia goes Renji follows?"

"Yes... Well, it used to be that way. He followed her about a year later. I think he was hoping that she would come back on her own for him to tell her how he felt, but she didn't, so he took an assignment in the real world to help her help Kurosaki," Hisagi said with a shrug, "Maybe he was thinking if he became the hero or if they worked close enough together that she would see him as more than just an old friend."

"Dumb ass," Grimmjow muttered.

"I take it that it didn't work then?" Mara asked gently.

"Nope, not at all." Hisagi said, hanging his head at the memories.

"Last we heard," Grimmjow picked up the story, "He was wasting away in Karakura town on year 6 of what should have been a 3 month assignment... and he had picked up a drinking problem."

"Damn…" Mara murmured, "He doesn't look like a wastrel."

"He sure as hell didn't come back like one," Grimmjow admitted, "He's a brick fucking wall."

"His demeanor is different, too. There's a presence about him now…" Hisagi trailed off as he tried to think about the change in his friend. Was he even still his friend? He didn't know this new man that came back from the real world. Determination had replaced hope. Anger had replaced angst.

"And you guys think that I am why he isn't still attached to a bottle of sake and wasting away in the real world." It wasn't a question, but Mara still had her doubts. If Abarai had been so attached to this Rukia chick, why on earth would him and her have grown so close? How long had they even known each other? "Wait, rewind for me- you said Kurosaki couldn't 'see' anymore… so he could see shinigami when he was alive?"

"Yup, and hollows. Though to fight us he went into "spirit mode"," Grimmjow ground out complete with finger motions, "He had to eject his spirit from his mortal body to be able to use any powers."

"And I could 'see' this same way?"

"That's what we heard," Hisagi said slowly.

He needn't have worried about Mara prying more on that. She was perusing her meager notes thus far, chewing on her bottom lip. "I find it implausible that Abarai would jump from the girl he loved his whole life to me. He chased her all the way to the real world. I doesn't make sense that he would turn away from her."

"He didn't turn away from her," Hisagi explained, "She turned away from him. She's been following Kurosaki ever since. I don't know what exactly happened. Just one day he told me it was done and he wouldn't be going after her anymore. Then the letters stopped and he never came back."

"Wait a second," Mara whispered slowly, "Rukia was chasing a fix for this Kurosaki dude."

"Yeah? So?" Grimmjow asked, intrigued by her expression of rapt attention. He loved how you could see Mara's mind work in her large expressive eyes.

"So?! I was like Kurosaki!" she exclaimed, growing animated as she got up to pace in thought.

Both men remained silent watching her until she turned to see their empty stares. Sighing, Mara put her hands on her hips. "He wants Rukia, wants to be the hero. What if we were friends and I agreed to help him find a way for Kurosaki to see like me? This…" Mara said, waving her tattooed wrist at them, "… may be no more than a way to find him here and to help him with the Rukia issue!"

"I doubt that, Koi," Hisagi said, shaking his head doubtfully.

"Is it that hard to believe that I could be so nice, Shuuhei?" she asked imperiously.

"No," Hisagi chuckled, "What about the whole 'You are loved' thing you told us about?"

"Balls! Yeah," admitted Mara reluctantly, "That could throw a wrench in it. Even if I don't know for sure it was him in that memory." Though I feel like I am kidding myself on that at this point, she mentally added. "However, he doesn't know that I remember that moment. That's an advantage. He doesn't know what I know."

"It was him," Grimmjow said with an actual snarl, "No one fights like that over something they don't love."

"Unless he was playing me," Mara sighed, sitting back down heavily.

"And he would fight because….?" Grimmjow asked.

"Because he didn't know what I remembered. I hadn't left the barracks before then and Shuu hadn't given any more than a report than that I was awake… Plus you said he just got out of intensive care… He may not have known."

Hisagi pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, Koi, I know you don't know him, but I have a hard believing he would lead you on that thoroughly. That's just not who Abarai is."

"That's not who he was, maybe. But, Otto, can you really say you know now?"

"As much as I would love to see you get all pissed off and hate Abarai," Grimmjow said with a grin, "What if he didn't play you? What if he really loves you?"

Mara's face hardened into stone; a mask as polished as either of the men could muster themselves. "He doesn't. I guarantee that. If this was indeed my plan, plotted out so many steps ahead, I wouldn't have landed here, covered in blood, completely alone. Who leaves someone they love to suffer and face this all by themselves?"

.

.

Renji sat concealed on the roof, watching the trio approach the 6th squad offices. This has to be torture, he thought to himself as he saw the blue haired love of his life sandwiched between his best friend and a goddamn hollow. Hisagi had his arm thrown casually over Mara's shoulders and caught her against his side as Grimmjow mussed her hair over a joke or something. Yup. I'm in hell.

Slowly their voices began drifting to him as they drew closer. He could see their demeanor change as they approached. The smiles disappeared. Stances became defensive. The jokes ended. Does Hisagi really think they are going to be attacked or something? What kind of threats were raised against her that I didn't hear about?

Slowly, Renji was able to catch snatches of conversation.

"I still really don't like this," Grimmjow said lowly.

"That's because you don't like him," Hisagi replied, "He won't do anything to her."

Thank you, Hisagi. You do have some sense left

"Eat a bag of dicks, Cap," Grimmjow retorted, "He grabbed her! She was so afraid she was shaking, so forgive me if I don't let the bastard rest on his laurels."

Shit. She was?

"I was not shaking," Mara answered and Renji watched as she laid a comforting hand on the espada's arm. He watched in shock as Grimmjow pulled her hand to his lips, breathing deep to calm himself.

"Yes, you were," he grumbled, leaving their fingers locked as they kept walking.

"Jaegerjaquez," Hisagi said lowly with warning.

Grimmjow dropped Mara's hand. "Yeah, gotcha."

Was that an apologetic look that Mara just shot at the fucking hollow? Were they…? What the actual fuck? She's literally wound tight into Hisagi but Grimmjow…? No. No fucking way. Renji fought to control himself. He didn't know if he wanted to laugh in doubt or weep in fury. His heart felt like it was being shredded in his chest as he watched every smile gifted upon the two men by HIS Ippin. Every familiar touch burned.

He was breaking.

This was too much. He turned to head inside, unable to take the sight but their conversation stopped him.

"I'm still not convinced that this situation is what you think it is, Koi," Hisagi said lowly, "The whole 'you helping him' thing…"

"Yeah," Grimmjow said harshly, cutting Hisagi off, "Why are you so hellbent on thinking that you were friends with this guy?"

" 'Am I not destroying my enemies when I make them my friends?' " Mara quoted back to him with an enigmatic smile.

Abraham Lincoln. Renji thought with a smile. More than once she had whipped that same quote out on him when he had been frustrated with the humans around in her later days, only for her to approach with a smile and get a desired result. I wonder if she even knows that is who she is quoting or if that useless knowledge base she has is still there just under the surface, only showing in little bits.

But friends… God they were so much more than friends. It almost hurt to hear that Mara thought they had been friends when friendship was but a mere fraction of the feelings that they had shared. She was Ippin and he was Ace and it had been heartbreakingly beautiful. But friends… at least it wasn't enemies. Friends is at least something I can work with, Renji thought to himself, securing his game plan in his head. He watched the trio finally arrive at the door and flash stepped into the open window of his office to wait for her, missing the last part of their conversation.

"Maybe," Mara said wistfully, giving Hisagi a sweet kiss on the cheek and squeezing Grimmjow's arm reassuringly, "I want us to have been friends because it's the only outcome where he isn't an unforgivable ass hat."

Mara bit her tongue as she was greeted by a small shinigami at the door of the 6th squad offices. Throwing a last look over her shoulder at her protectors, Mara squared her shoulders and followed obediently. Everyone thought her mind was fragile, and it was an advantage to be underestimated, so she bowed her head meekly as they wound through the maze of corridors. Her guide knelt outside a door respectfully and knocked, opening the door at the deep call of acknowledgement.

Renji remained seated, back to the door as he heard Mara enter. He was gearing up to facing her as her FRIEND, when he heard a low inhale. He turned to be faced with dark probing eyes in her pale face, the amber almost drowned in how guarded she was. Her multi-hued hair was combed back but left long and he remembered how soft it was when he would wrap the loose curls around his fingers.

Mara inspected the large man in front of her in a way she couldn't before. She had been greeted by a long crimson ponytail that she could swear she had seen before, but when he turned… those were the eyes from her memories. The bandages were now gone from sight, leaving nothing but taut muscles and tattooed skin to her eyes. He exuded power like a predator- beautiful and deadly- but something about him made her oddly comfortable. Mind out the gutter, girl, Mara instructed herself as she bit her lower lip out of habit, friend or enemy. There is no other option.

"Ippin," Renji practically sighed in greeting.

"Mara." She corrected him.

"You don't have to do that, Mara," Renji said softly.

Mara didn't miss the flash of emotion across his face. It looked like hurt. She narrowed her eyes at him in question.

Renji gestured gently at her face. "Plan. Think it out. You always bite your lip when you are thinking and planning out something difficult. All you have to do is ask what you want to know. I have never held anything back from you and I never will."

Quickly, Mara schooled her features, choosing to ignore Renji's small smirk. Well, he definitely does know me. Out loud, she asked, "Hm. You don't find this difficult?"

"Yes, but probably for different reasons," Renji said softly.

This was not going how she had thought it would. Where was the hot headedness that had planned on leveraging? Where was the secrecy that seemed so damn prized in this god-forsaken society? "Lieutenant Abarai," Mara began, "I don't know what you expect here, but Shuu– I mean, Captain Hisa-"

"Shit. Shuu? Really?" Renji tried to stop the reaction of anger but the words just poured out of him. He couldn't help it. "He's 'Shuu'," he spat out the words in disgust, "and I'm Lieutenant fucking Abarai."

There it is, Mara thought, but the satisfaction at getting him riled wasn't reassuring. It didn't even make the petty part of her happy. Why did his hurt seem to hurt her? "Okay… Renji then?" she asked slowly, appeasingly.

The look he gave her in reply was less than satisfying as well, so thoroughly laced with pain as it was. "You really don't know who I am at all do you?" the large man asked in a tortured voice that was made to break hearts.

"No," she whispered, eyes cast down to not give a hint of even what she thought he might be. "I just… I was told to come here to answer questions, Renji. That's all."

That was it. Renji had had it and he could take no more. "Oh, cut the shit, Ippin," he said sitting down heavily in his chair again, clenching and unclenching his fists. "You may not remember me, but I remember you. You made Hisagi dance like a puppet and you chose to be here because you have to know… fuck! You have to FEEL something god dammit! We were in love..."

Liar. Unforgivable.

Renji watched in horror as the curious light died in Mara's eyes. It flashed briefly with anger before being replaced with a cold, murky nothingness that hollowed him out bodily. He couldn't believe he had lost his temper so quickly. How could he have ditched his own plan so fast? Slowly but surely, Mara's mask lowered into place.

Down on the street, Hisagi and Grimmjow stared up at the lit window. Watching. Waiting. Ready to jump in at the first hint of a raised voice or release of rietsu.

Grimmjow uncrossed his arms and stood up from the post where he had been leaning and drew up side by side with Hisagi.

"Stop prowling," Hisagi rumbled in a low whisper, "You'll draw more eyes on us than there probably already are."

"Fuck 'em," Grimmjow growled.

"As much as I agree with you," Hisagi said, surprising him, "We can't risk her. Even with your shows of affection. If people question my relationship with her….

"Yeah, I know, Cap," Grimmjow sighed, handing him a crumpled piece of paper, "but the rest of these dicks are the least of my concern."

Hisagi flattened the paper with apprehension, surprised to see the sheet that she had been doodling on earlier that day. In amongst the sketches of sakura blossoms and swirls were repeating geometric patterns. There were ones that were scratched through and drawn over until nearly unrecognizable but there, in the center of the page, was the final product. It was a perfect rendering of Renji's tattoos as they scrolled up his arm and over his shoulder and even the ones that cut across his abs and went down his sides. There was no mistaking those bold marks even if she didn't place them on a body. Even if Mara herself didn't know what they were.

Hisagi crumpled the paper back up and shoved it in his pocket. He levelled a wary look at Grimmjow before crossing his arms across his chest and resuming his vigil of watching the window.

"What happens if she remembers?" Grimmjow asked softly, voice heavy with emotion. It was disquieting to hear the espada so somber.

Hisagi let out an exhausted sigh. "I don't know."