Episode 27 - B-b-b-bird-bird-bird, Bird is the Word!
Asuka?
"Hm?"
Are you all right, liebchen? Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu asked, her voice echoing from the core of Unit-02.
Asuka smiled a tiny bit. Since learning of her mother's survival, she'd been using every chance she got during a sync test to quietly catch up with her on her life up till now. Today, coming a couple of weeks or so after she and the others brought Kaji back from the island of Dr. Mystico, was no different.
"I'm fine, mama," the redhead finally replied mentally. "Just thinking."
Oh? About...? Kyoko asked.
"A conversation I had with Kaji," Asuka answered, "the night before we met Shinji and the others on the Over the Rainbow." She paused for a moment before continuing on. "I was telling him how boring it was going to be without having him around for a while. Then he told me not to worry, that I'd probably make lots of new boyfriends when I got here. Heh-I scoffed at that. Said I wasn't interested in 'stupid brats', that he was the only one I'd love." Her smile widened a bit when she thought of Shinji, sitting in the adjacent test plug at this time. "Guess I was wrong on both counts. Since I got here, things have been far from boring, and well...I think I found more than just a boyfriend..."
Kyoko 'nodded' in agreement. Based on what you've told me before, Shinji's definitely a keeper, in my humble opinion, she stated.
"Something else Kaji said that night also stuck with me," Asuka said, her face starting to redden a bit. "It was after I kinda...came on to him a bit. I told him I was ready for it all, that I'd be a great girlfriend to him. He just reminded me that I was still a child, that I can wait for that stuff. His way of letting me down gently, now that I've thought about it. And thinking about it even more, I have to say...he was definitely right. I think I kind of took him for granted-same with Misato before him. Those two are probably the best big brother and sister I could've asked for. I just wish I could've shown how much I appreciated them in a better way than I did."
You know, Asuka, Kyoko began, that was a very mature thing to say. Knowing you, it mustn't have been easy to admit.
"Yeah, well," Asuka started, "I guess some of Shinji's humility is rubbing off on me a little. (Among other things...)"
What was that? Kyoko asked, 'arching' her eyebrow.
"Nichts, mutter!" Asuka quickly replied. "I said nothink, I said nothink..."
"Can you hear me, Asuka?" Ritsuko's voice asked over the PA. "Your sync rate's really gone up a ways-whatever it is you're doing, keep it up!"
"Trust me, I'm doing it!" Asuka responded in the real world.
"It's uncanny, sempai," Maya commented as she looked over the data in real-time. "Hers and Shinji's sync rates have been really climbing lately. They're hovering in the mid-80s as of last week."
"I know what you mean," Ritsuko responded. "I just wish I knew what exactly it was they were doing. It's like they decided to run with 'think happy thoughts' and it paid off. I wonder if Rei would benefit from the same thing..."
Speaking of the First Child, within her own test plug, Rei was doing just that, unbeknownst to anyone. Before the arrival of Freakazoid, Rei never dreamed. Since she developed her crush, Rei had been slowly learning to navigate her nascent dreamscape. The meditative state she entered whenever sync-testing helped in this regard. And right now, the subject of her dream was again the wacky wonder...as he, dressed like a gondolier (minus a shirt) rowed her along in a Venetian canal on a moonlit night, singing in mezzo soprano as she mooned over him with a wide smile on her face.
Outside the Geofront...
Kaji and Misato had convened at the former's little cabin and watermelon patch. This time, however, a new addition had been made to their clandestine meeting, in the form of Makoto, who Misato had quietly brought into their little fold.
"They're really doing it?" Misato asked. "They're really building Units 6 through 13?"
"That's what I've heard," the bespectacled lieutenant replied.
"And in seven different locations around the world..." Kaji mused. "Must be quite the source you've got in NERV Shanghai. Can they be trusted?" He then filled Makoto's cup with some of the watermelon cooler he'd made.
"Definitely," Makoto confirmed. "We've been in the same guild on League of Legends for years, he's good." Makoto then took a sip of his drink. "*Aaaah* Man, this stuff's refreshing."
"So based on what you learned, begs the question-why rush mass production at this stage?" Misato asked.
"Reinforcements, maybe?" Makoto guessed. "The Angels have been getting more powerful with each encounter, seems like they'd want to make sure we've got plenty of firepower to compensate."
"A lot of money must be changing hands then..." Kaji said.
"Come to think of it, our budget's doubled since the 12th Angel," Makoto added further. "Think the higher-ups are desperate?"
"Doesn't seem likely," Kaji said. "Then again, the Committee's been acting differently ever since the coup in their inner circle."
"What do you mean by that?" Misato asked.
"I learned something from Commander Ikari a few days before the Fuyutsuki kidnapping incident," Kaji explained. "Apparently Lorenz Kihl, the German representative of the Committee and its overall head honcho, was forcibly removed from his position by an unexpected newcomer. No one knows where Kihl's been ever since."
"So who replaced him?" Makoto asked.
"Armando Gutierrez," Kaji answered.
"No way," Makoto said.
"You've heard of him?" Misato asked, surprised by the tech's reaction.
"What computer nerd hasn't?" Makoto replied. "Back in the 90's, Gutierrez was the head of Apex Microchips, one of the biggest computer parts manufacturers in America. Their Pinnacle chip was going to revolutionize computing, but it wound up going unreleased after Gutierrez's criminal ambitions involving the chip were discovered, and he wound up thwarted by Freakazoid and arrested. While he was behind bars, he went full-on supervillain and broke out, and then went toe-to-toe with Freakazoid in the years that followed. Last anybody'd heard, he'd vanished off the face of the Earth before the new millennium hit."
"And now he's back, and in charge of a major U.N. body," Misato noted grimly. "Who knows what he's planning now that he's got all of NERV under his thumb?"
"One thing's for sure," Kaji began, "his agenda effectively derailed that of the Committee's once he took power."
"What'd they have in mind, anyway?" Misato asked.
With that, Kaji then explained to the two what Freakazoid had told him about. By the time that he'd finished, both Misato and Makoto were stunned speechless. For the moment, at least, since a different emotion then came to Misato.
"Those dirty-you mean all this time, I've been working for the ones who effectively sent my father to his death, as well as wiped out half the planet's people?!" Misato asked through gritted teeth. "And Commander Ikari was in on it?!" In her building rage, she took out a large mallet from out of nowhere and was about to go all Gallagher on the watermelon on the table before Kaji held her back.
"Whoa! Whoa! Calm down! Don't take it out on the merchandise here!" Kaji said worriedly. "Just take a deep breath or two."
Misato, realizing it'd be a waste of perfectly good watermelon, did just that as she took two deep breaths, lowered her mallet, and then slowly sat back down. Taking Kaji's offer of a glass of cooler, she immediately took the glass and downed its contents in one sitting. "*BURP* That really is refreshing," she noted while eyeing the now-empty glass in her hand. Her eyebrows remained in their narrowed position as she spoke again, turning her thoughts to the one person other than the Sub-Commander who knew Commander Ikari best. "Ritsuko Akagi, we are so going to have a serious talk..."
"We will, don't worry," Kaji said reassuringly. "Just try not to kill her first."
Misato's apartment complex, later that day...
Shinji, Asuka and Rei, having taken the train back from HQ, had just arrived at the front doors to their respective apartments. When Rei opened her door, she was met by something waiting for her, greeting her with a "Mrrow". Smiling a little, she crouched down to pick up the other occupant of her apartment.
"Hello, there," she said as she greeted the little black kitten held in her arms. "Were you good while I was away?"
Shinji and Asuka, for a brief moment, were genuinely surprised by the fact that their friend had apparently gotten a pet without them noticing.
"Awww, what a cute kitten!" Asuka said as she gave it a petting behind its ears.
"When did you get it?" Shinji asked curiously.
"A couple of weeks ago, specifically a few days before we went to the island," Rei answered. "And do not worry, he has had all of his shots."
"Wait, then who's been looking after it whenever we were at school or HQ?" Asuka asked.
Her answer came when Pen-Pen waddled out of Rei's doorway. The penguin gave the kitten a knowing nod (which it returned) as Shinji instinctively then opened the door to Misato's apartment, a surprised look still on his face.
Asuka was now holding the kitten, showing Shinji a side of her he hadn't seen before then. "So, does the little guy have a name?"
"Yes," Rei answered with a nod. "I call him Kablooie."
Shinji and Asuka's eyes widened a bit with surprise over hearing the unusual name given to the kitten.
"Uh, why 'Kablooie'?" Shinji asked.
"It is an interesting story, actually..." Rei hinted at before the wavy lines of a flashback began to appear.
A street in Tokyo-3, the previous week...
Rei was taking a walk through the city, thinking about a number of things as she went along. Her attention was then drawn to the sight of a small black stray kitten on the other side of the street. The interesting thing about it though, was the chain of events it set off just by crossing the path of a guy painting a sign on a storefront while standing on a ladder. When it did, one of the legs of the ladder splintered, causing it to tilt, the man atop it flailing for purchase until he grasped a small flagpole jutting out of the building's wall and held on for dear life. His paint can then fell off its perch, spilling its blue contents onto the sidewalk as it rolled on its side...and into the back leg of a woman moving a cart full of boxes of baking soda, causing her to trip and launch the cart into the other storefront she was escorting it into. The cart then crashed into a display made up of, strangely enough, glass bottles of vinegar. From there, a typical grade school science experiment was replicated...on a much larger scale. With a sudden *BOOM!*, the baking soda/vinegar mixture flooded outward, bursting through the storefront's window and door like a miniature tidal wave.
The kitten, paying no heed to all that chaos, then turned to cross the street, right towards Rei. When it made it to Rei's side, the kitten then nuzzled Rei's right ankle as a soft purr escaped its lips. Rei, unperturbed by what had happened, gave the kitten a small smile and picked it up gingerly.
"You look as if you would like a friend," the First Child said as she pet the kitten. It replied with a soft mewing. "Very well then. I will bring you home, but first..." She then turned to face a police officer who was responding to the incident that'd just occurred. "Excuse me, could you direct me to the veterinarian's office?"
The apartment complex, present day...
Both Shinji and Asuka stood there, their mouths hanging open over the slight absurdity that came with Rei's tale. They then looked down at Kablooie, who simply looked up at them briefly before licking the back of its left paw. The two of them then looked at each other, unsure of how to respond, before ultimately just shrugging and moving on.
"You want to join us for dinner?" Shinji offered. "Kablooie's welcome to visit, too, I'm sure Misato'll like him."
"I would like that, thank you," Rei replied. "I will be in as soon as I have changed."
Some moments later, the three pilots and Misato were sitting at the table finishing their dinner. As Shinji had predicted, Misato instantly took a liking to Kablooie upon first meeting the kitten, who was currently eating out of the little bowl Rei had brought along while Pen-Pen sat next to him, eating his own fishy dinner. Misato, despite her currently-frosty feelings towards her longtime friend, did take a quick photo of Kablooie with her phone and sent it immediately to Ritsuko, whose response was even more predictable. ("KITTY! OMG SO CUUUUTE!" :))
Asuka got up to clear her plate first, and just before she even got an inch away from the table, the phone rang. The quartet hesitated, wondering which of them was going to answer it-until the problem resolved itself when Shinji got up, casually walked over to it and picked it up.
"Katsuragi residence-can I help you?" he politely asked. "Mmm-hmm...I understand. One moment." He then covered the speaker with his hand as he turned to Asuka. "It's for you, Asuka-international call from Germany. She says she's your mother."
"Stepmother, actually," Asuka corrected him as she held her hand out-but not before a brief sigh escaped her. "I'll take it." Shinji then handed the phone to her and she began speaking into it, switching to her native tongue instantaneously. "Hallo, Hilde..." For the next several or so minutes, Shinji couldn't follow what his girlfriend was saying as she spoke with her stepmother. He briefly eyed Misato (given the time she was stationed at NERV Berlin) for possible translation assistance, but then decided against it, not wanting to intrude. Thus, he and the others kept quiet as the conversation stretched out to at least 20 minutes, until Asuka and her stepmother said their goodbyes and hung up.
"Is everything all right?" Rei asked.
"You sure were talking for a while," Shinji noted.
"It's okay, really," Asuka replied. "Just me and the stepmom's usual 'quality time'. Don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily hate her, it's just we never really clicked all that well."
Later, after Rei had returned to her dwelling with Kablooie in tow and Misato had retired for the night, Shinji and Asuka lay in bed together, not quite asleep just yet. Something was on Asuka's mind, and she wanted to tell Shinji all about it.
"Shinji?" she quietly voiced.
The Third Child turned to her in response. "Something up?" he asked.
"You told me about how your mom wound up in Unit-01, but I don't think I told you about how mine got into Unit-02," the redhead said.
"It's okay," he said in turn. "I thought you'd tell me when you were ready."
"...In that case, I am," Asuka said before she began to recall her story. "My mama was one of the lead scientists for the Berlin facility, back in the GEHIRN days. A while after your mom got absorbed into Unit-01, she led the efforts to create new safety protocols and install them in Unit-02. She volunteered to be the test pilot, confident that the protocols would work." Her voice grew a bit more somber as she continued. "The day of the test, she got her answer: they didn't work as well as she'd thought. From what she told me, apparently her soul got split in two. The half that had all her 'motherly love' wound up stuck in the core, while the other half remained in her body. Without her whole soul, her body just couldn't function well, hence her being kept in a psychiatric ward. It was just so...so haunting to see her like that, unable to recognize me, treating some rag doll like it was a real girl. Then, on the day I got selected as the Second Child, I ran to her hospital room, eager to tell her the news. I thought hearing it would give her back some sense of sanity. But when I got to the room, I found her bed empty, all the restraints torn off. Then I heard some commotion coming from the hallway and followed the sound. Turns out she'd escaped and was making a break towards the lab where Unit-02 was. By the time I'd caught up with her, she'd somehow started up the sequence and gotten into the entry plug, like she was on autopilot or something. When the activation finished and the plug was extracted...she was gone."
Shinji held her as she paused for a bit, tears threatening to come out. When she composed herself, she continued. "When I asked her what'd happened, she explained that the other half of her soul was drawn to the EVA so both halves could reunite. Once the rest of her was absorbed into the core, that's just what they did."
Shinji rubbed her shoulders a bit to help keep her from bursting into tears. "I'm sorry," he said, before a hopeful smile appeared on his face. "At least you've found her again. And if we're lucky, once we've dealt with SEELE and the Angels, maybe there'll be a way to get her and my mom out."
Asuka smiled back at him on hearing those encouraging words. "I hope you're right, sweet baka," she said. Soon, the two finally began to drift off to sleep.
NERV Testing Lab, the next day...
"Asuka's sync rate's acting really...weird today, I've noticed," Maya said.
"For once, I'm stumped," Ritsuko admitted, scratching her head. "I've never seen a sync rate just plateau in a zig-zag pattern before." She then turned to Misato. "Anything happen earlier today?"
"Um...don't think so," Misato replied. "Maybe it was something she ate? I mean we all just came from the commissary."
"Good point," Ritsuko noted, remembering how the special that'd been served today didn't look all-too-appetizing.
Asuka, on the other hand, was just finishing speaking with her mother within her plug.
"I don't know what Dad sees in her, honestly," she said, referring to the conversation she'd had with her stepmother last night. "I know she's tried to connect with me, but it just wasn't the same."
It's perfectly understandable, Asuka, Kyoko replied. I know how you feel, in a sense. My mother remarried when I was around your age, and it took me a while to get used to my stepfather. Like many things in life, you just have to give it time.
"Maybe you're right..." Asuka said, before a faint rumbling was heard.
Are you feeling all right? Kyoko asked.
"Probably something I ate," Asuka said with a wince. "Lousy NERV kitchen staff-you call that a 'chef's special'...?"
"Asuka, the test's finished," Ritsuko announced over the intercom. "You can come out now."
After mentally exchanging 'see you laters' with her mom, Asuka responded. "Finally! Boy do I really have to go..."
Minutes after she'd gotten out of the plug, showered off, and gotten dressed, Asuka closed the door to a stall behind her as the sound of a toilet flushing filled the air of the ladies room. "Aaaaahhh, much better! Now to wash my hands!"
An overlook outside the commissary, around the same time...
Misato and Ritsuko were each having a cup of coffee. Things were a bit tense between them, as indicated by Misato standing and Ritsuko sitting at a table. They were just there, in those particular positions, nary a word between them, for at least several minutes, until Misato finally spoke up.
"Rits, we need to talk," the major stated.
"About?" the scientist replied.
"The two faces of NERV," Misato hinted.
Ritsuko showed a bit of mild surprise before she responded. "...I had a feeling this conversation was going to happen soon. Especially considering what you and Kaji have been up to in your 'off-hours'." Now it was Misato's turn to be surprised, but before she could respond, Ritsuko held a hand up as she continued. "For what it's worth, I'm done being the Commander's co-conspirator. Name a time and place, and I'll tell you all you need to know, and help you come up with a plan to stop it all."
"...Why?" Misato asked, any iciness she felt towards her friend gone.
Ritsuko smiled a bit. "Two reasons. One, finding out my mother's alive, and you'll think I'm crazy when I tell you how. Probably think I've read too many comics." She then looked a bit wistfully at her coffee mug. "Two, lately I've found something else to fight for. Or haven't you figured out that I've been seeing Maya for the better part of a couple of weeks?"
Misato's jaw dropped upon hearing that. "Wow. And here I thought that one time in college was just...well, one time."
"Well, looks like we both got proven wrong," Ritsuko replied.
Misato nodded at that. "I'll call you when we've got a place to meet," she said as she turned to leave.
"I'll be waiting," Ritsuko said in turn.
A NERV elevator bank, minutes later...
Her business in the ladies room finished, Asuka waited for an elevator to arrive so she could leave NERV HQ for the day. Once one arrived, the doors opened, and Asuka found herself sharing a ride with Rei. The two chatted as the elevator climbed towards their destination.
"Oh yeah, you looking forward to the school's carnival in a week?" Asuka asked.
"I am, actually," Rei replied. "I will be running a caricature booth at the event."
Hearing this surprised the redhead. "A caricature booth? This I gotta see."
"That was almost the same reaction when I approached the student committee in charge of the proceedings," Rei said. "But after showing them the portfolio I have been working on, they were impressed enough that they gave me permission to set it up."
"Well, congrats on that. Definitely interested in seeing how you do," Asuka said as the elevator doors opened.
Tokyo-3 Municipal Middle School, the next day...
Kensuke and Mayumi were finishing up their cleaning duty for the afternoon. It'd become apparent to their friends that there was something developing between the two, but what it was, they weren't exactly sure. They'd decided to let them sort it out on their own in the time being, so for now, despite being good friends, there was a slowly-building desire for something more.
C'moooonnn, just ask her already! What've you got to lose? Freakazoid said, trying his best to encourage his 'roomie'.
I don't know! Kensuke replied with a hint of exasperation. I mean, Mayumi's a great friend, but who knows what'll happen? Man, this must've been how Shinji felt before he and Asuka hit it off, only I'm dealing with a different type of girl...
He was jolted out of his mental conversation by Mayumi speaking up. "Kensuke?"
"Oh! Ah, yeah?" the otaku replied.
"I was wondering," the bookworm shyly began, "would you...like to go out for dinner with me sometime?"
Kensuke's eyes widened with surprise. When it came to Mayumi, he'd known her for being a bit reserved. But being even a bit forward? This was new.
Well that saved you a bit of effort, Freakazoid slyly commented. Go on, you know you want to...
"R-really?" Kensuke nervously replied. "Uh, um...sure! I'm in!"
Mayumi smiled at hearing his answer as the two of them put away the supplies and started heading out. "I'll call or email you with the details later."
"Great!" Kensuke said, "looking forward to it!"
As soon as they parted ways at the school gate, Kensuke immediately made a beeline to the usual alleyway.
"Oooh, Freak Out!"
In a flash of light, Freakazoid sped off from the alley and began his usual patrol.
"By the way," Freakazoid started to ask, "where were you when we were on the island? I barely heard a peep out of you the whole day."
Oh yeah, sorry about that, Kensuke replied. Had a big test to study for, needed to devote all my brainpower for it.
"Got a point there," Freakazoid noted. "Especially considering the subjects Boa-Magnon's been covering."
I know, right? Who knew international conservation politics could be that complex? Kensuke mused.
Central Dogma, later that afternoon...
"Angel visually confirmed," Shigeru reported, "have it set at the highest magnification."
With a keystroke, the monitors showed the feed from the orbital satellites. Soon the staff on the bridge found themselves looking at what appeared to be a large, crystalline bird.
"It's oddly...beautiful, in a way," Maya noted.
"Looks kinda like something you'd find at a craft fair," Shigeru commented.
"What's the status?" Misato asked.
"Currently in a fixed satellite orbit," Makoto reported.
"So far, maintaining a set distance from our position," Shigeru added.
"I'll wager that it's either waiting to dive-bomb us," Misato hypothesized, "or it's more of a long-range attacker like the 5th Angel was."
"Which means we've got to be on our toes at any rate," Makoto said.
"Right-for now, we wait until the target's in our firing range," Misato stated. "I only wish the EVAs were capable of hitting orbital targets." She then turned to Maya. "How're the pilots doing?"
"All set and ready to go," Maya reported.
"Good," Misato said as she then addressed the pilots via the comms. "Units 00 and 02, get ready to launch and prepare for extreme long-range firing."
With the order given, Units 00 and 02 were launched to the surface and set about assembling their specially-modified positron rifles.
"Units 01 and 03, you two will stand by for launch as back-up," Misato ordered.
"Roger," both Shinji and Toji replied.
Up on the surface, it was a gray day, with precipitation predicted for later. Meanwhile, in another part of the city, Freakazoid was still on his patrol when he passed by Sgt. Kusagabe and his squad car.
"Hey Freakazoid, wanna go check out some tanuki motocross?" the police officer asked.
"Hi, Kusagabe! Normally, I'd love to," Freakazoid replied, "but I just got wind of an Angel alert, so I gotta go see if I can help NERV out. Maybe next time!"
"All right. Good luck, kid," Kusagabe said. The wacky wonder then continued on his way, resuming his swooshing sounds as he ran. Kusagabe then looked our way. "How 'bout you guys, wanna check out tanuki motocross?" He got no response. "All right, maybe later."
Already a few blocks further, Freakazoid got out his phone and quickly got R.O.D.D.Y. and Naoko on the horn. "What's the sitch?" Freakazoid asked. Always wanted to say that.
"The Angel's in high orbit, meaning the EVAs will have a tough time bringing it down," Naoko replied. She then showed Freakazoid one of the satellite images of the creature, which had been dubbed Arael.
"Huh, looks like a reject from Antiques Roadshow," the wacky wonder commented.
"Since the EVAs won't be able ta reach it, I suggest bringin' out the Freakazord and flyin' after it," R.O.D.D.Y. advised. "That's one advantage on our end."
"All right then, I'll summon the Freakazord, but for now, we'll hold back until the Angel makes a move," Freakazoid stated as he quickly entered a command into his phone's Freakazord app. Once received, the lights in the Freakalair's hangar for the mecha lit up and its autopilot activated. Soon the colossal robot was roaring out of the large entrance built for it and made its way towards downtown. Once it reached his coordinates, Freakazoid leaped up into the cockpit and took control. Freakazoid then turned the robot towards where Unit-00 and Unit-02 stood at the ready. Suddenly, an intense-looking beam of bright light shot down from the Angel and focused on Unit-02. When it hit, Asuka let out quite the scream.
"OH, FUDGE!" Freakazoid exclaimed. "Naoko, what's that thing doing to her?!"
"Inconclusive at the moment," Naoko replied worriedly. "What I can tell you is that it's greatly affecting Asuka's mind, and mental contamination's starting to occur."
"What's the word with the staff on the bridge?" Freakazoid asked.
"No surprise, everyone but Gendo's worried about what's happening to her," Naoko grimly answered.
Meanwhile, at the site of the battle itself, Asuka wasn't, as anyone could tell, having the greatest of times.
"Stop it! Make it stop! Quititquititquitit-!" Asuka cried as she tried firing off some shots from the positron rifle. Unfortunately, they proved ineffectual due to Arael's AT-Field and its orbital position.
Asuka! Asuka, what's wrong?! Kyoko shouted, trying to reach her daughter. You can fight it, Asuka, don't let it win! Stay strong!
In Central Dogma, everyone was scrambling, trying to find a way to help the Second Child.
"Give me something workable, people!" Misato demanded, a sense of desperation in her voice.
"It's an energy wave within the visible spectrum," Makoto reported back. "Similar to an AT-Field, but no other details at the moment!"
"What about Asuka?!" Ritsuko asked.
"Mental contamination's almost entered Y!" Maya reported.
Back in Unit-02, Asuka was still not having a good day. Strangely though, she seemed to be heavily...blushing?
"Nononononono-!" she cried. "I thought I was past all that! Don't make me remember these!"
In the launch bay, Shinji and Toji were horrified by what they were hearing.
"Asuka! Asuka, hang on! We'll get you out of there!" Shinji cried.
Back on the surface, Freakazoid decided that enough was enough.
"Sorry, folks, looks like I gotta step in," the superhero said. He then pressed a button on the dashboard labeled "Vaudeville Extraction". Once done, a compartment on the back of the Freakazord opened up, and the robot reached behind itself to get the newly-emerged implement out fully. Back at the battle site, as all eyes watched through the monitors, just when it appeared Asuka wouldn't get a reprieve any time soon...what looked to be a large cane appeared from behind, hooked itself around Unit-02's abdomen, and yanked the EVA out of the beam.
"WHOOP~!" Asuka let out as she was pulled to safety by a giant-size classic staple of American comedy. Everyone's jaws dropped at the strange turn of events. When its target proved to be out of range, Arael ceased its firing as it began to recalculate. Back on the ground, the Freakazord handed Unit-02 off to Unit-00.
"Rei, get Asuka back to base, on the double!" Freakazoid said as the Freakazord turned towards the sky. "Leave the over-sized drinky-bird to me!" At that moment, the large rocket boosters emerged from the Freakazord's back and roared to life, as they lifted the mecha into the air until it was soon racing towards the heavens, and the crystalline menace that was waiting there.
While Freakazoid made his way towards Arael, Rei had gotten Asuka back inside. The entry plug had been quickly extracted, and an anxious Shinji was waiting for her on the catwalk when Asuka got out. Misato and Ristuko joined up with him a moment later, as did Toji. Rei remained topside in case she could have a chance against the Angel. All four were surprised by how beet red Asuka's face was, and the abnormally-sheepish expression it held.
"A-Asuka?" Shinji started to say as he slowly, carefully brought her close. "Are you okay?"
"What'd that thing do to ya?" Toji asked, a hint of worry in his voice.
"...I...I've never felt so...so..." Asuka started to say.
"It's okay, Asuka, I'm here," Shinji said reassuringly, "we're all here for you-"
"...Embarrassed!"
Upon hearing that, Shinji and the others got surprised and confused looks on their faces, evidenced by the sweat drops by their heads.
"...Come again?" Misato asked.
"Seriously, what did the Angel do to you?" Ritsuko asked with concern.
"It...it poked its way into my mind," Asuka started to explain, "and the next thing I knew, I heard this voice. It was like some twisted TV announcer-it said..." She then donned a stereotypical announcer voice. "'And now it's time for: 'Asuka's Funniest Home Videos'!' And then it started showing me things."
"What things?" Shinji asked.
"Memories..." Asuka replied. "Memories of some of the most embarrassing moments of my life! So many things I thought I'd never live down!" She then proceeded to start crying into Shinji's shoulder. "He even showed me the one birthday party I had where Baloney the Dinosaur showed up! It was horrible!"
A collective shudder appeared among Shinji, Toji, Misato and Ritsuko when Asuka brought that name up. No matter the age group, or if one were in their right mind or not, no one could stand even the thought of the orange TV dinosaur who liked to ask "Will you be my special friend?".
High above Earth orbit, around the same time...
The Freakazord was closing in on Arael, which Freakazoid noted as the crystalline angel got within visual range. Finally, the two opponents were face-to-face.
"I tawt I taw a shiny boid!" Freakazoid exclaimed in an imitation of a certain cartoon canary. "I did! I did tee a shiny boid!"
Arael, curious and befuddled by Freakazoid's appearance, then proceeded to charge up its probing beam. Strangely, Freakazoid didn't move out of the way.
"You sure you wanna?" Freakazoid teasingly asked in a sing-song voice. "All right, but you're not gonna like what you find in there..." Kensuke, get ready to hit the deck under all those mental buffers! The young otaku, from within the Freakazone, did just that has he quickly ducked into the already-prepared shelter and shut the door tight.
The wacky wonder's taunting made no difference to the Angel of Birds, as it then fired its beam at the Freakazord. As it probed within Freakazoid's mindscape, it received an unexpected surprise: something was force-fed into its own mindscape. A song, specifically...
A-well-a ev'rybody's heard about the bird
B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well, a bird, bird, bird, bird is the word
A-well, a bird, bird, bird, well-a bird is the word
A-well, a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well, a bird, bird, bird, well-a bird is the word
A-well, a bird, bird, b-bird is the word
A-well, a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well, a bird, bird, bird, well-a bird is the word
A-well, a bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a don't you know about the bird?
Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word
A-well-a-bird, bird, b-bird's a word, a-well-a...
Arael's eyes widened. What in all the universe was this...this utterly annoying series of words and music?! And why couldn't it get it out of its head?!
Down in Central Dogma, the staff was confused by the way the Angel was twitching, almost like it was trying to get at an itch it couldn't scratch. Suddenly, with no warning and to the total surprise of everyone, Arael quickly zoomed away at almost-impossible speeds, an almost horrified look on its face.
Freakazoid grinned at the outcome and turned the Freakazord around to head back down to Earth. All right Kensuke, you can come out now.
On hearing this, Kensuke opened the door to the shelter and slowly emerged. Is it over? he asked.
Oh yeah, Freakazoid replied. I don't think Arael's gonna be coming around here anymore. If my guess is right, it'll probably get to the point where the poor sap will take refuge in a black hole or something.
At that moment, Freakazoid noticed a pinging, blinking light from the dashboard. "'Scuse me a minute, Kensuke, looks like Central Dogma's trying to hail me." Freakazoid then opened a channel and was soon in communication with the staff on the bridge, as a video feed appeared on a screen in the cockpit.
"Freakazoid, do you copy?" Misato asked from her end.
"I read you, Major, what's up?" Freakazoid answered.
"While most of us are grateful that you saved us a lot of trouble with this Angel," she began, "some of us in particular are dying to know one thing."
"And what's that?" the wacky wonder responded.
Ritsuko then spoke into the mic on their end. "What did you do to it?"
Freakazoid grinned before he answered. "Oh, nothing much, just used the brief connection it established to plant something in its head."
"WHAT did you put in there?" Ritsuko pressed further.
Freakazoid then took out from behind his back what looked to be an old 45 record album. Seeing this surprised the staff on-deck.
"WHOA," Shigeru said. Being the musician of the bridge bunny trio, he knew the album Freakazoid held very well. It was the single version of the 1963 rock n' roll song "Surfin' Bird" by an American band named the Trashmen.
"And it's not just that take-I also stuck in there some 40 other different-language versions of it, including Klingon," Freakazoid elaborated. "I guess you could say that the early bird..." Freakazoid started to say, before he slipped on a pair of Aviator sunglasses in an over-dramatic fashion, "got the earworm!"
From out of nowhere, the NERV staff then could've sworn they heard part of the Who's "Won't Get Fooled Again" in the background.
Meanwhile, light years away from Earth, Arael was banging its head against an asteroid, trying in vain to silence the song stuck in its head on a seemingly-endless, multi-lingual loop.
To be continued...
**Author's Note(s)**
And now the 15th Angel's come and gone...with hilarious results!
You'll note I significantly altered both the circumstances of Kyoko's 'death' and Asuka's encounter with Arael. Given how I've taken somewhat of a 'kids show' approach with this retelling of the EVA story, it was bound to happen. Hope it works for you all.
Early in the chapter, when Asuka tries to cover that stray thought in front of her mother, she paraphrases Sgt. Schultz's catchphrase from
Hogan's Heroes.
Misato about to go ballistic on a watermelon references the famous prop comic Gallagher, known for smashing watermelons in his act.
Rei's new pet, and the circumstances in which they met, are my little shout-out to the 1949 Tex Avery cartoon short Bad Luck Blackie, in which a kitten gets help from a black cat to drive away a bully of a bulldog.
Asuka's exit of the stall and the hand-washing statement recall the season two Freakazoid episode "Dexter's Date". The episode also gets a nod when Freakazoid bumps into Kusagabe again; in the original, Cosgrove asks Freakazoid if he wants to go get a fat-free frozen yogurt.
Freakazoid briefly speaks the signature catchphrase of the title character from Kim Possible.
The 'Vaudeville Extraction' Freakazoid uses to save Asuka is an old gimmick from the days of Vaudeville theater in America. If a performer's lousy, the hook is utilized to comically pull them off the stage. Here, it's used for more heroic purposes.
As Asuka explains what Arael did to her, she mentions the title of a spoof of the long-running America's Funniest Home Videos and Baloney the Dinosaur, a semi-recurring minor character who was an over-exaggerated parody of, what else, Barney, that appeared in most of the 'Steven Spielberg Presents' Warner Brothers cartoons.
On encountering Arael, Freakazoid invokes iconic Looney Tunes character Tweety Bird. His method of defeating Arael, as stated, involves putting an annoying earworm of a song in the Angel's mind, and what better choice than "Surfin' Bird", a song that returned to prominence thanks to the later Family Guy episode "I Dream of Jesus"?
Lastly, Freakazoid's earworm one-liner (and slipping on the sunglasses) parodies the usual shtick of David Caruso's Horatio Caine on CSI: Miami.