~ Chapter 29 ~

Killua closes the door behind him as he enters Alluka's and Kalluto's hotel suite the next day. Gon, knowing not to pry, waits outside the doorway.

Hands in his pockets, Killua approaches his younger siblings. Dressed in a modest T-shirt and shorts, he walks until he reaches the coffee table before the couch, glimpsing the empty plates on the surface, smeared with oil from hash browns and eggs. Already, Killua can feel Kalluto's unrest, raising his younger brother's aura like hairs on a cat's body.

"Mind if I sit down?"

Taken aback by Killua's soft and polite tone, Kalluto glances at Alluka before nodding. Killua sits down as Kalluto scoots over on the red couch.

Leaning forward, elbows on his knees, his pale hands clasped, Killua speaks slowly. "I'm sorry for what I said to you last night in the alleyway. I shouldn't have gone that far, and pushed my frustration onto you. I mainly said it out of frustration with myself."

At his opening remark, Alluka stands and walks to the door. Taking the dirty plates with her on the rolling the cart from room service, she signals that she'll remain just outside the door should anything go wrong.

Once the door shuts, Killua looks back at Kalluto, who sees that his brother's silver-blue eyes are earnest, if a little unsure of himself. Killua doesn't know how to talk to him any more than Kalluto knows how to him, after all the time and circumstances that have passed between them.

Bowing his head, Kalluto murmurs in a small voice, "I can't forgive you."

Killua feels his throat clench at the statement, but he doesn't show it. He deserves it. "And you shouldn't." Leaning back on the couch, he folds his hands in his lap. "What I said wasn't –"

"No," Kalluto interrupts, shaking his head. His long dark hair rolls over the maroon roses embroidered on his blouse. Gripping the edge of the couch cushion, his slender knuckles turn white. Kalluto isn't quite sure what Killua is apologizing for, but he knows it isn't what he wants. Killua senses there's something more behind Kalluto's words, even when he finally speaks. "I can't forgive you for murdering Brother Illumi… You know… Mother is heartbroken… Father won't even come out of his room… Neither would Milluki. As unreliable as they are, they're still… they're still our family… So how could you… do that?" Finally, Kalluto gains enough courage to look his older brother in the face, not hiding the fury and accusation in his voice, the dark lines around his acidic, pink glare.

Here, Killua catches wind of the chasm between his brother and himself. Their attitudes may be similar, but their experiences are nothing alike in the game of the Zoldyck Family. Kalluto doesn't even seem to realize what Killua had been implying in the alleyway, when he accused him of toying with others' lives. Such behavior was merely expected from them. So… Killua will start with what he knows. "You don't know the kind of relationship Illumi and I had," Killua says carefully, keeping his voice as level as possible. "He wasn't – we had a very different kind of relationship compared to everyone else in the family… Since Illumi was assigned to train me, he was –" Killua corrects himself. "We had a bond that… relied on manipulation and pain. I know it seemed like Illumi cared about me more than anyone else, but…" Even as he says it, he knows it isn't true. He still can't speak in terms his little brother will understand, let alone himself… he doesn't know how. Not yet.

Astonished to see Killua the crass trickster and chosen heir stumbling over his words, Kalluto can't stop the anger and surprise that flares in his gut. "You don't know the kind of relationship I had with Illumi either. Out of everyone in the family, he was the one who saw me the most." Without meaning to, Kalluto's face flushes. He tries to stop the tears from entering his eyes, but a few spill out. Frustration apparent, he quickly wipes them away, before resuming his glare at Killua, red in the face from humiliation.

Killua feels no humor – no embarrassment for his younger brother. He only blinks at Kalluto, many things suddenly falling into place. Killua was the heir, the child prized above all the others, so Kalluto, Milluki, and Alluka hadn't received as much focus as he had. Killua was well-aware that Alluka had been cast aside early on for not being what their parents wanted her to be – but with how prettied up and passive Kalluto had always been throughout their younger years, hardly ever making a fuss, let alone showing any kind of expression or doubt – Killua had assumed his brother was fine being their mother's doll. Perhaps even too stupid to realize his place in the family hierarchy. What a terrible mistake that had been.

As Illumi and Milluki misunderstood and glazed over him, he'd done the same to Kalluto. And again, Killua understands just how much he has missed, given his position in the family…

"I had no idea Illumi was…" Killua doesn't know what he can say. His own complicated feelings toward his dead brother haven't changed. Illumi was the only one who understood the murderous, cruel side of him, the part of him that constantly strove for entertainment and fun. Illumi only fed one half of that side of him while stifling the other: the one who wanted to be a normal kid and go on adventures with his best friend. Meanwhile, Gon couldn't understand the cold-hearted killer that Killua can't seem to abandon no matter how much time passes… As long as someone he loves is in danger, or if he's triggered enough, he'll murder without pause.

Illumi's actions throughout his life were to keep Killua from getting off-track, from experiencing the same isolation Illumi had felt as a child… Tortured and raised by their mother, Illumi had hoped that by inserting the needle to make Killua forget Alluka or any other desire to be a part of the outside world that he would be free. He thought, raising Killua himself, he could save his little brother from that manic pain, from Kikyo's experimentation, through his own detached and directed torture. He'd done everything to keep Killua from the broken fate of having to shut the world outside, as he had, or from having to choose one aspect of himself: either his murderous intent, or his innocent playfulness with Gon. Yet, even so… knowing all this, feeling it in the end in Illumi's crazed emotions, and his quiet, vacant apology, Illumi had been the master of Killua's pain, life, and pleasure. His saving grace and his slave master all at once.

Killua wasn't sorry that he blotted out that smothering, twisted existence that lorded over his life… but a part of him still felt guilty… for not… taking the time to better understand his brother. For not helping him escape his life, as Killua hoped to do for Alluka, now Kalluto… But how could he have distanced himself enough from Illumi's actions, when Illumi was a major cause of his suffering?

That side of himself, the one that enjoys murder and death… it didn't die with Illumi. Killua can still feel it inside him now, the switch that's only slightly dusty from its latest use to take out those hypnotic, voidless eyes. The desire and hatred and recoil at these thoughts rush through him like lightning – more powerful and pervasive than he ever endured when Illumi was still alive.

"It seems like we've just had very different experiences in the family," says Kalluto. His head is still down. He says it without any cheeriness in his voice. Dull and monotone, it's just a fact that he's restating, one that he's been all too aware of his entire life seeing his older brothers take the spotlight, hardly existing in their shadow.

"You're right," Killua says, regretful he didn't say it first. "It's likely we'll never see eye-to-eye on some things, but –"

Outside the hotel room door in the hallway, Gon sits with his back against the wall next to Alluka and the food room service cart. Too worried to leave Killua and Kalluto alone together, anxiety vacillates in their auras. Uncontrolled at the fringes, Alluka feels something else in Gon's aura, and she looks over at him. Seeing how much he's sweating, she places a hand on his arm. Gon quickly looks at her. She, too, is anxious, using all her power of En to recognize whether she should jump in, lest her older and younger brothers go for each other's throats.

Placing his hand on top of hers, Gon squeezes tightly. "They'll be all right. I'm sure of it."

Sensing the doubt in his tone and the unsteady swish of his aura, Alluka knows he's saying it more to convince himself than her.

It's then they feel a surge in Kalluto's malice, and both turn toward the door in panic, ready to burst in.

Inside, Kalluto has stood from the couch over Killua, his fists clenched and shoulders tense, hair rising from the power swirling around him. "But nothing! You destroyed our family! Why shouldn't I end you right here?!"

Remaining motionless on the couch, Killua answers him in a calm voice, not looking up. "Destroying me won't bring Illumi back. It won't make our family as perfect as you think it was when we were kids."

Teeth grinding, Kalluto's head swings upward in rage. Unable to contain himself anymore, he explodes on the chair behind him, kicking it to pieces with one swing. "DAMMIT!"

At that moment, Gon and Nanika burst through the door, Gon's fists alight with Ren and Nanika's wish-granting ability making her face and body aglow. Stunned to see their instantaneous reactions, the rage drains from Kalluto's body immediately at the threat of the two powerful Nen users at the door. "Wh-wha…"

"It's okay, you guys," Killua says, sitting calmly on the couch.

Surprised at Killua's openness despite the violent tension in the air, Kalluto remains standing, facing the chair he just demolished, until Gon, fists lowering, and Nanika, her face transforming back into Alluka, exit the room reluctantly.

Once again lowering his voice and gaze, Kalluto's hands remain clenched by his sides. "Killua… I know our family has never been perfect. I've always kind of known, but I guess I thought… if at least you and Brother Illumi knew what you were doing… then it didn't matter what happened to the rest of us. You could carry all of us into that happily ever after, where none of it ever hurt, because if you could bear it, we all could…" He's on the verge of breaking again, but this time, he sucks it back in.

"I'm sorry." Smiling, more to himself, he says, "Sometimes, I wish we all could have continued to live in that dream too. For a long time, I convinced myself that I could carry the family to that happily ever after, and ignore everything that we were doing. But it just couldn't be."

Again, Killua senses the chasm between his brother and himself at his words. Kalluto's brow crinkles in confusion, not understanding part of what he said. Kalluto doesn't know why Killua would be concerned about "everything that they were doing." As Killua and Alluka once had, he has no concern for people outside the Zoldyck Family. He's too baffled to ask Killua to explain, unable to comprehend what he couldn't possibly know.

Deciding to answer for him, Killua takes a deep breath through his nose. Looking up at his brother, those blue eyes hold a curious sheen Kalluto has never seen while at the Zoldyck Manor. It was something he'd definitely heard the effects of many times before. "I ran away because I couldn't stand being confined to the Zoldyck Family. Call me selfish all you want. You'd probably be right." Killua chuckles, confusing Kalluto more.

How could he have such a cavalier attitude about this?

Killua continues. "I couldn't handle the thought of doing the same thing for the rest of my life. Going out on missions. Reporting back to the family. Collecting a reward. It was so boring." Throwing his head back, Killua pauses a moment. He shows some of that snarky attitude, which Kalluto witnessed from afar behind his mother's dress. "I couldn't stand knowing my entire life was going to be the exact same way. Nothing different. Nothing changing. Except being forced to choose someone to drag back to the household with me, to create the next heir, start the cycle all over again, ad infinitum. I know being the Zoldyck heir probably sounds really glamorous to you, forgotten in the background, but I promise you… It wasn't anything special at all."

Kalluto watches his brother in a kind of awe, finally seating himself beside him. Sensing he's still afraid to ask any questions, Killua continues.

"I noticed some things while I was in the outside world. How happy and free others seemed with their friends and families. How the death I wrought upon random innocents only served to snuff out that happiness for the sake of some twisted imitation of my own happiness and power… As hard as I tried to ignore their pain – their happiness… I couldn't. Outside from our family, I knew more existed out there. I had to find out for myself – see if it was true – whether such a life was worth living… That's why I left and took the Hunter Exam. I wanted to know… if I too would get to experience the things I didn't understand."

Finally looking over at his brother, Kalluto watches Killua with the same curious sheen, one Killua is sure has been in his own eyes countless times across the years with Gon. In Killua's narrative, Kalluto can hear the thing he cannot grasp. He hasn't been allowed outside of the Zoldyck Estate nearly as much as Killua, so it's unlikely he's ever been faced with the same contrast between his life as an assassin and the lives of common folk. Not as much as Killua, at least. Kalluto's training was also more focused on effect than affect; he went through Nen training much earlier and tested it on missions of a smaller scale. Rather than giving a huge emphasis to training, punishment, and reward like Killua, the consequences of Kalluto's training were not nearly as impactful as they were for the heir. So Kalluto was taught the mechanics of assassination a lot earlier, through their mother's adulterated and experimenting ways, and it wasn't until later that the Zoldycks incorporated more aspects of torture into their practice, once the children were more mentally prepared. Kalluto had been absent for such a long time as a member of the Phantom Troupe that this course had been greatly altered. Given his passivity and low standing in the family, he hadn't been faced with such a moral dilemma.

Outside the hotel room, Gon can't stop thinking about the sorrow in his Nen master's eyes as she addressed his pain and told him he didn't have to put so much weight on himself to be there for others. Remembering Killua's declaration that there was nothing Gon could do to change the past, remembering Killua's drained anger and worry when Killua rescued him from the Zoldyck Estate – and just now, Killua's deflated, contained presence with a raging Kalluto in the room, Gon wonders, But what good am I, if I can't help him bear his burden…?

If he couldn't help Killua with his pain, how could he continue to call himself Killua's best friend – or more than that? He already knows there's so much he doesn't understand – about Killua's past, present, and future. His decision to murder Illumi, his inability to tell Gon what he had been through, and more… While at the Zoldyck Manor and over the past few months, Gon has only slightly experienced what Killua had gone through himself for many, many years: the needle, and torture at the hands of his family members… their constant pursuit on their happy lives.

Gon recalls the ecstasy in Silva's stony features as the monstrous man's aura erupted from his body, latching onto him from all sides. Like the suction cups of a great leviathan, Silva tore through Gon's body as if stripping him naked, and Gon could do nothing but convulse in pain, unable to see or hear. Suspended by the chains above him, blood poured from his body without stop, and in his mind, he started to scream for release of any kind, even if it meant –

Death…?

"Gon." Alluka's fingers squeeze his arm, which startles him back to the present. She leans forward in her seat beside him, her crystal blue eyes sympathetic, even if she doesn't fully understand what is weighing on Gon. "No matter what happens, Gon, it'll be all right. He'll be okay. They'll both be okay."

Gon half-smiles at her in thanks, but he can't help it, the thoughts racing through his mind. The last few days, after Illumi's murder, Gon can't help but feel he doesn't deserve his newfound closeness with Killua. There's still so much Killua must shoulder on his own, things Gon knows nothing about. A part of him still believes he doesn't deserve it, Killua's affection or patience… what good is he if he can't ever be there enough to understand him?

"Gon, are you all right? Your aura…"

Quickly wiping his arm across the tears in his eyes, Gon huffs deeply. "I'm okay." But the tears keep falling, almost without his notice as he stares through the swirling patterns on the carpet. "I just –" He can't finish, breaking down into sobs and alarming Alluka with the ferocity. Feeling the aura from inside has calmed down considerably to no longer heed her attention, Alluka stands on her knees. Going over to hug Gon in confusion, Nanika droops inside her at seeing Gon in such a bad way.

. . .

After almost an hour, Killua exits the room, eyes downcast. Only Alluka remains in the hallway when he emerges. "How did it go?" Judging by his expression, it seems they reached some sort of impasse.

Killua doesn't look at her, a kind of hopelessness in his face. He apologized for not being there for Kalluto, for assuming he was just another crony in the Zoldyck Family's game, at which the other met him with only silence. They hadn't gotten much further after that. Just how much pain had Killua wrought upon others who were also victims of their family's sickening ways…?

"It went okay. Please talk to him, Alluka. I think I've done all I can without making things worse, and you might be the only one who can make Kalluto understand that assassination isn't the way to deal with other people."

"I'll talk to him. But I'm not sure I'll be able to change his mind about that last part."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Only he can decide."

"By the way," she cuts off Killua's reticent tone. "You need to talk to Gon."

The urgency in her voice catches Killua off-guard and he looks up at her. "What? Why?"

Alluka shakes her head.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. He was out here waiting for you when he suddenly burst into tears. I think he left because he couldn't bear for you to see him that way."

Couldn't bear for me to see him that way…? But they had shared so much of each other's pains over the last few months, few days… Still, this? What could it be now…?

Something in Killua's gut tells him it's something that's been mounting for a while. "I'll go talk to him. Thanks for telling me, Alluka."

Alluka nods at him as he turns to leave. The hotel suite door reopens. Shocked, she gasps to see Kalluto up and walking out the door like he doesn't give a care. "I'm tired of being locked in that room. Can I come out now? I'm not going to run away or anything."

Stance bold, ready to defend himself, Kalluto stands rooted in the hallway before his older siblings. His fists are clenched in defiance.

He'd been inside looking out the window with emptiness in his eyes just a moment ago, Killua thinks, blinking in surprise.

Unamused by their disbelief, Kalluto crosses his arms across his chest. "What? Stop looking so surprised. It's not like I haven't had enough time to mourn my position in the family. Can we go now? I'm tired of being here."

Killua tries to exchange a glance with Alluka about what to do in this situation, but Alluka doesn't even notice him. Her cheeks light up as she prances forward, wrapping her arms around Kalluto. She feels a strange sense of pride seeing her younger brother acting brash and bold toward Killua and the world. "My little brother is all grown up!"

"Ahg, get off of me!" He tries to push her off, barring his teeth, but it's half-hearted.

Relieved to see his younger siblings so carefree, Killua smiles. Perhaps the burden of the Zoldyck Family won't be so heavy on them after all…

If only he could say the same for himself, Illumi, and Gon.

. . .

In the dining room of the Zoldyck Manor, Kikyo stands in a black dress and veil before the open casket of her dead son. Hands clenched before her, a few butlers stand behind her, having returned to the manor after Nanika sent them to various parts in the world. They wait for the order to carry Illumi down the mountain, to his final resting place in the graveyard of the Zoldycks past. Seeing Illumi's smooth and serene, now a little sunken features, the wilting flowers that decorate his body, and feeling her own resignation, Kikyo knows it's time to send him off.

Reminiscing about her life before becoming a part of the family of assassins, Kikyo feels herself growing distant from the tragic scene before her. Never had she imagined that she would bear witness to the burial of one of her own children. Though, she was never known as one of the most compassionate maidens growing up. Not by a long stretch.

From the time she was a little girl, living amongst the wayward garbage and abandoned souls of Meteor City, Kikyo had always been interested in the "wicked" parts of life. From concocting different acids used to dissolve insects, to making poisons to infect small animals and studying the art of assassination – Kikyo knew she was different from the other children. Even most of her peers in Meteor City avoided her among the piles of junk that extended like mountains into the sky, shadowing across the sun. And she was one of the fortunate ones – adopted out of poverty and taken into another country by parents not related to her by blood at the age of six.

They would be fast asleep in the next room over as she spent countless nights on private websites. Her rose-colored eyes alight in her dark bedroom as she watched blood gush from the victims onscreen, she studied the most effective torture methods used by assassins and mercenaries alike, headphones on to listen to their screams. Human reactions said more about how effective a torture method was than anything the narrators could tell her. She took notes in an obsessive longing, hoping to one day become a part of that world – a world where her interests and abilities meant something. However, having stumbled into her bedroom or in the backyard on multiple occasions and glimpsed the terrible things she watched or did to other living creatures, Kikyo's parents knew there was something off about their adopted daughter. They never confronted her about it, though. They only tried to steer her away from that path by introducing her to new hobbies, or suggesting she hang out with other girls her age.

Even though she had friends, they were all boring to her. All they spoke about was who they had a crush on, which guy they hoped to go to prom with, what dress to wear. A few boys had even confessed to Kikyo themselves, drawn to her "uncaring attitude," for she was a natural beauty: with long black hair that flowed down to her knees, and a slender but shapely body. Her "friends" would often get jealous at all the confessions she received, asking why she constantly turned them down. She laughed off their jealousy but remembered the irritation in her thoughts. What an annoyance, she recalled, grinning bitterly to herself underneath her black veil.

How relieved she was when she returned to her parents' home, where she could lock herself in her room to study the intricacies of the human body – all the ways to make it itch. Or when one of the traps she set in the forest had succeeded in snagging some poor creature in its iron hold – that was where her true fun laid. Never had she imagined she would be able to use her abilities to their upmost. Her liberation came when she accidentally stumbled across a member of the most famous family of assassins to ever exist…

~ o=O=o ~

One night, Kikyo was walking home from a party she attended at the behest of the newest collection of people she begrudgingly called her "friends." She was in college, having resigned herself to a life in medical school – the closest thing to her true passion, until they would arrest her for the things she planned to commit in the ER rooms – when her life changed forever. Walking in a deserted part of town, Kikyo sensed a shadow peering at her from afar. Feeling his bloodlust, sensing it wasn't directed at her, she immediately felt her skin go ice-cold. Hand clutched to her beige jacket in the cool autumn air, glancing up at the rooftops of the buildings on either side of her, she prayed to catch a glimmer of the awe-inspiring presence she felt.

Where could it be coming from? Where could it be? she asked, spinning round and round to find the source. Eventually, she heard the crash of a trashcan in an alley nearby.

Purse in one hand, the other trailing the wall to steady herself, she ventured toward the sound. Stepping into the dark alleyway, heart pounding, she turned a corner, and saw two dark figures scuffling in the shadows. Upon her entrance, the smaller one lunged up into the other, who yelped in a kind of muffled gurgling before slumping to the ground. Kikyo knew – he'd just been stabbed through the heart. He was dead.

The other figure, the smaller one, stood up from the crimson blood pooling out from underneath the limp body of the man. Having noticed her presence, he stared at her.

In the crosscut of light that came from over the buildings on either side, Kikyo saw the glow of two beautiful, slit, silver-blue eyes.

She gasped in awe at the elegant sight, the snapshot moment of a perfect young assassin standing over his kill and looking menacingly at the unfortunate passerby. Before she could ask, Are you going to kill me? in euphoric delight, the figure had pushed her against a wall, causing her to cry out. Her black leather purse dropped into a small puddle on the asphalt ground.

About to use his – to her amazement – razor-sharp fingernails to slash the contents of her throat across the wall behind her, Kikyo could see the focused coldness in those slit eyes. Close up and in the moonlight, the assassin's long, wavy snow-white hair was in a high ponytail, the muscles bulging beneath his pale skin in full view. Surprisingly, the threatening assassin wasn't much taller than her, and looked about the same age, judging from the youthful line of his brow and fullness of his cheeks. He was dressed in traditional martial arts robes, the kind used long ago on the isolated island country she always heard her biological parents must have hailed from.

Though it took less than a few seconds – during which she was being choked but hardly felt it from admiring the beautiful young man before her – it felt like eons until the poison from her needle finally kicked in. As the assassin pushed her against the wall, Kikyo had taken out the needle in her hair and punctured his muscular arm. More potent than anything he had been exposed to before, the assassin began to twitch. Feeling a tingling in his fingers, which he looked down in surprise, quite suddenly falling to his knees.

"G-guh…! Wh-what did you… do to me…?!" he grunted, bent over and twitching.

Having been released from the wall, Kikyo stepped forward in her high heels. "The needle that I pricked you with – it was full of poison."

"B-but…! I should be immune to poison!" he gasped out.

Kikyo blinked at his bent over figure. Is that so…? "Well, I guess you haven't been exposed to one of mine yet."

Already having regained some control over himself, the young assassin shakily stood. "One of yours? You make poisons?"

"I do."

The assassin's blue eyes widened a little before he put both hands on his belly, bending backward to bellow laughter.

"You have a problem with that, sir?" Kikyo retorted, hands on her hips. Not expecting this response, her cheeks lit with embarrassment.

The assassin wiped a tear of amusement from his eye. "'Sir'?" the assassin repeated. "Are you trying to mock me after witnessing what I've just done?"

Kikyo said nothing. How could she tell this man that it was not the first kill she'd seen, but definitely the most splendid?

Before she could answer, the young man said, "Well, in any case, I have to kill you for having seen my face. But I must say, it's not often I get a kill as entertaining as you. I'm almost sorry." The way he said it, as if he were a businessman having to let go of his favorite toy, cued Kikyo into something she remembered reading on the Internet a long time ago.

Though still a little strained from the poison, the assassin raised his hand level with her throat, elongated nails ready to strike again.

"Say, you wouldn't happen to be a member of the Zoldyck Family, would you?" she said hurriedly. She was sweating from the bloodlust palpable in the air.

The assassin's slit blue eyes widened, and he froze in his stance.

"You are, aren't you?" Kikyo asked again, less afraid this time, given his reaction. "There aren't any pictures of you on the Internet, but you're the only assassins left in the known world who still use traditional assassination techniques in this day and age. I knew it from the moment I saw your technique and clothing!"

Bloodlust thrashed the air around her, snake heads snapping at her arms, grazing her skin – but it didn't leave a mark. He couldn't. She didn't stop sweating until the young man breathed out, long and low, and gradual, finally relaxing his aura and his stance.

"What is your name?"

Shocked again at the beautiful man standing before her offering his recognition and respect, though dangerous he may be, her heart pattered like it never had before.

"Ah – it's Kikyo."

"Kikyo."

He said it as if he was caressing something unique, arcane, and beautiful. It made her insides blush.

"My name is Silva… And yes, I am a Zoldyck."

~ o=O=o ~

After that, she and Silva would exchange notes to each other. Sometimes rigged with a deadly poison from Kikyo, sometimes delivered with an assault in her bedroom from Silva. And more than once – many times – they had wrestled each other until they could hide their feelings no more, and shared their love in that way that men and women do. It continued like this for over a year, right up until they couldn't take it anymore, and Silva proposed to her, to bring her to the Zoldyck Manor. On one condition.

His father, Zeno, had been against it – emphatically so – and gave Kikyo a hard time ever since she arrived. He didn't see the merit in marrying a commoner from a less than noteworthy family, one birthed in Meteor City, at that – but through Silva's earnest pleadings, the elderly assassin slowly caved. Zeno told Kikyo to prove herself by murdering her own parents. She slipped poison into a gift of chocolates she sent them from college, with a loving letter from their reformed daughter who was in med school. Unhesitatingly. Despite passing this test, it was a brutal first few years for Kikyo, living in that household – how often Zeno would try to show her that a life with the Zoldyck Family was nothing like she thought it would be, forcing her to endure much of the training that she longed to experience for herself.

When the training was over, Kikyo accepted her role as the mistress of the Zoldyck Family with gratitude and grace. From the time Illumi was born, all the way until his death – she reveled in her lifelong obsession of shaping and molding others with her knowledge of the human body – her own children! She didn't mind if the male family members were more influential or thought her to be insane in their patriarchy; she didn't mind if her opinions about the family of her children were never heard – as long as she got to be a part of the magnificent legacy that was the Zoldyck Family. Making harder and harder poisons to test on her little subjects, investigating her psychological theories – the Zoldycks could use her as a puppet for all she cared…!

Something has changed inside her, these past few days.

Kikyo always wondered why Killua didn't love her.

It wasn't like Milluki was ever that affectionate, and Alluka… she could hardly understand how such a thing could have been nurtured in her womb. However, early on, Killua was different from the others.

For the first few years of his life, just like the others – Illumi, Milluki, and Kalluto – Killua would run to her whenever he was scared or hurt, and took comfort in her soothing voice as she berated him to be more mindful of his actions next time, making it his own fault. And then, one day… it was as though he decided he wasn't going to love her anymore – wouldn't have anything to do with her. She tried many times to figure out what happened – she even asked him what event could have triggered his aloofness and disloyalty – but no matter how many times she asked without getting an answer, or ran over her actions in her mind, she couldn't figure it out.

She didn't understand. She hadn't treated him any differently than the others – or so she thought. The only thing that was different was that Illumi was the one raising him – but if that was the sacrifice she had to make, then she would bear it for the Zoldyck cause, to make the greatest assassin heir over all the generations of Zoldycks before…

Now, it has been made clear to her. Killua is no longer a member of the Zoldyck Family. He turned against them long ago. He murdered his own brother, the one who raised him, without remorse. If he could do that to Illumi, the one who loved him most, he would do it to them all. For Kikyo saw how pensive her eldest son became while worrying over his little brother. He used to sit without moving in his room whenever Killua ran away, or when he had to insert a needle in Killua to keep him from acting up. Illumi died with a heart more broken than Kikyo could imagine, given his and Killua's closeness…

There's only one thing to be done.

Silva and Zeno are too far from her reach now to be able to sway their minds. She hadn't cared all these years, but now, she can no longer idly sit by. With a heavy heart, Kikyo signals the butlers to seal up the lid of her son's casket. She watches the face of her beautiful, devoted Illumi disappear as the coffin is finally bolted shut.

Following the butlers down the mountain for the funeral service, her expression remains stony as they lower the casket six feet under. Silva and Zeno attend the service, and they don't express any signs of grief or doubt in their plans as a butler recites the words of blessing scrawled in calligraphy ink on the ancient Zoldyck scroll. There is naught but a morbid, shared silence between them.

Once the service is over, the two men and butlers leave her in the graveyard. Surrounded by the family she had once thought of as her only home. Now, Kikyo knows it was nothing but a pipe dream from the start. Thinking she could ever induct herself into this magnificent world was always a flawed plan – for she was in a magnificent world of her own, one that none of them could grasp. Not even her own children.

Still, she will do her best to protect them.

Hiking back up the mountain, she marches into one of her private labs in the manor. Yanking open a dusty old cabinet, Kikyo retrieves the assassin gear she received so long ago for her own training. She changes into the purple robes, sliding over her sleek figure. Tying her dark hair into a tight topknot, weapons of all kinds at her sides, she may not be an assassin in the likes of her own children, but she has her methods. Kikyo will use them against anyone if she must. Pulling out a vial of poison from the cabinet last opened by Illumi, before he left home to find Killua for the last time, she inserts it into the compartment near the blade of her front-grip dagger. It's the poison – the only one – that Killua hasn't become fully immune to yet. There's still just enough murky, iridescent liquid inside.

Killing Gon, like Zeno and Silva want, will only increase Killua's wrath.

Recalling Illumi's peaceful face a few hours before, Kikyo grimaces at the weapon in her hand. The only thing left to do is to murder the menace who calls himself my son.

While writing that last long paragraph I couldn't stop thinking: "Ah yes, the poison. The poison for Kuzco. The poison chosen specially to kill Kuzco. Kuzco's poison… That poison?"

Wow, okay, so I've had half of this chapter written since last chapter (try to guess which half, haha). Hopefully I was able to marry the two parts of it well enough!

Thank you to my anonymous reviewers Juvia 302, Tiburmeme (lol), miricactusito, Guest, and owowowo for your reviews on Chapter 28! It warms my heart to know that y'all recognize how much time and effort I put into this story *sniffs* seriously it means so much that ppl see the 3 years of effort I've put into this *hiccups* huge endeavor in my life;; *clears throat* A-hem.

I really have nothing else to say other than I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope you'll leave your thoughts below~