All right, let's fasten the belts-this's gonna be a long one-my longest chapter so far-and BEHOLD-I DID it. I wrote a full explicit sex scene.
I never thought this day would've come-but well, the narrative, and story, and both Rick and Amanda's mental state were needing it. I seriously hope it's not something pornographic-I really don't like writing long sex scenes for the sake of writing sex-but it serves a purpose here with a lot of real dialogue as well-and I also tried to keep it as tactful as possible-not keep bumbling off dirty talking, uh-ohs and some other names of some body parts... Hope it's tasteful, I tried.
XXXI.
For a few moments, they all felt happy, Rick saw it all over their despair-stricken faces as he watched them hugging each other. Daryl had put a hand over Carl's shoulder, as his son smiled at the hunter back big as Beth came to hug Amanda and the dark curly haired woman—and Rick saw the long lanky boy of Beth's hurriedly limped at them as well in the embrace.
They all looked happy-and for a second or so Rick felt… he believed they were going to be okay. He looked at his hand, the blood over it as he'd prepared himself to leave off another of his family, the man who had come to think of as a brother, the man who had always kept his back, even when Rick had given up…himself.
He might've not sprinted and hugged Daryl as fiercely as Amanda had done to her friend, but relief of seeing Daryl again had come to him like a giant wave, as well. He was going to leave a message—hadn't wanted to think the worse, wanted to believe that Daryl would've survived—his brother was always a tough sonofabitch, but nevertheless the relief to see the man again was there.
They were getting back—all of them they were getting back. They hadn't gone off too far yet. They weren't lost yet.
Rick started walking to them, too, a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips, keeping his hand up—keeping the rotted blood away from him, and stopping in front of them, he put his clean hand at Daryl's shoulder, "Welcome back, Daryl—" he told the other man, "Best timing," he continued, "We—we were about to leave."
Daryl nodded simply as Carl gave his bloodied hand a look, "We were going to leave you a message," his son told the hunter, his tone having an assurance in it, "Dad was doing it before we left."
Daryl nodded again without a word, his blue eyes skipping at Rick's hand. "We thought to look for the tracks, start looking for you as well—" Rick explained, and questioned, "What happened? How did you find them?" he continued, "Did you see others?"
Daryl gave him a look, "We need to talk—"
Rick almost let out a sigh. He'd figured out that much. He wondered what'd happened at their side too, why the other man had come late, but that had to wait. "Yeah," he concurred, "but I want to leave this place as soon as possible. Things happened here, too."
Daryl's eyes wandered around for a second, "Yeah, seems like. What happened, man?" the hunter roughed out, "Walkers?"
Rick gave a half nod back, "And others, as well. I'm gonna explain at the road." He paused, "Though it might've been the best you didn't return this morning," he slowly said, his voice in careful consideration.
When came to think of it, it really sounded good they hadn't come back earlier. His eyes skipped at Beth and Amanda who were standing a few steps away from the nurse now, whispering at each other fiercely and he thought how that bastard would've reacted if he'd seen his former girlfriend together with them.
The possibilities churned his stomach, and Rick really felt glad after then. The bastard had claimed he'd come for Amanda, but something still told him if he'd seen Joan here this morning, things would've turned very ugly.
Which was another reason they had to leave—like now. The bastard and his men seemed like they'd really left for good, but Rick wasn't taking any chances. "We gotta go—" so he told Daryl, returning his look at the hunter, "We need to find a place to pass the night, too. We can't stay another night open in the woods like this. Judy's taking it hard."
With three more joined to their ranks, their numbers were better now—
With the last thought, he mentally halted, as if synapses in his brain suddenly stopped sending off chemical signals to the other nerves, and his eyes skipped at Amanda, this time for different reasons, their conversation from a few minutes earlier coming back to him… We're gonna wait until we find others again… Then we'll talk about it.
They—they'd found others, or others had found them. Now it meant that they should talk about it? Do it?
Have sex?
The prospect excited him as much as it tensed him—the simplest way Amanda had reasoned—saying they—they needed to get it out of their system, so to speak. He—he—uh could see the sense behind her words, and she was right, they—they were distracted. He was a way too much distracted, but he didn't know if it would've made this better. The tension had been always there between them, Amanda had been right on that, as well, from the start—but acting on it—when things were still this…unclear between them…? Rick didn't know. It didn't feel like a good idea.
The…logistics had been problematic even if they had really decided to do it, but since it was no longer a problem as Daryl had come back, he…he wondered what Amanda would want further?
What he would want himself further?
Would they really just go and have sex just like how it'd almost happened last night? It—it was just a spur of the moment—they'd gotten carried away. Deciding to act on it was something—different.
He wanted it, of course he did—he even started feeling himself stirring inside his jeans, he wanted her, wanted to bury himself in her depths, take her as hard and quick as possible, have her…something primal in him clawing at his edges…God!
And he…he'd missed sex too…he fucking missed it, too. It's been long. Too long since the last time he lost himself in that carnal frenzy, the whole world shrinking as if he were sucked into a singularity, fading everything else back in the ground, everything but the moment—as you reached out to take what just lay over out of your reach, driving yourself up over a cliff—desire and lust ringing in your eardrums—desire to have it—grasp it—claiming it—the peak—then the fall itself… the moment of disintegration…shattering into pieces, then you came back.
God! He really had missed sex—the satisfaction, alleviation, and respite it brought, making you feel…alive and powerful. The prospect of living that moment with Amanda, claiming that from her… It was partly scaring, partly rousing—very rousing, making him stir, making him…
God!
He wondered how long he would've lasted when they had sex—then he stopped…
When.
Not an if… So, he'd really decided? Was going to have sex with her? Scratch an itch, fulfill a desire, fuck themselves senseless—claiming selfishly whatever they could reach out—
It disturbed him as much as it aroused him despite knowing she'd been right; denying the attraction between them was making everything harder, but whatever was between them, it wasn't just an attraction. It wasn't just scratching an itch. He wasn't just horny. He hadn't risked his life, hadn't walked over a gun for her only because he wanted her…very, very badly.
They—they should—they needed time. Had to work through it—find out—not just sneak away to fuck each other's brains out over a bed of fallen leaves…
He closed his eyes, trying to hold a sharp breath inside as images—very vivid, very carnal images filled in his mind—not a good thing to think on it now—definitely not. His eyes opening a second after, he steeled his mind, even though they skipped over her again for a fraction—couldn't help himself…and saw her catching his glance.
Her look was speculative, but Rick turned his attention back to Daryl… and also caught Carl giving him another one of those looks… his son's eyes going between him and the girls.
God!
He—he needed to pull his shit back together. He couldn't tolerate these kinds of distractions when they were open out in the woods, neither of them could. We've become too much distracted, her words echoed in his mind as soon as he thought about it, and Rick almost groaned.
"There's that cabin we passed the last night—" Daryl told him, and even though the hunter's eyes had darted between them, he made no comment, "Joan and Noah found it after they left the bus. Joan said the bust got hit in the clash and broke down at the road after they left the prison," he explained further, "When walkers attacked, they scattered into the woods. I found Joan and Noah's trails and tracked them. Found them at the cabin," he went on, "We can pass tonight there. It ain't nothing good but still a roof over our heads."
Rick nodded. He couldn't ask anything else more right now. "Okay—" He paused, his eyes growing sterner, "But have you found others' trails?"
With a look, Daryl shook his head, "Nah—found something even better—" the tracker said back, "Found where they're goin' to." The hunter gave Rick another fleeting look, and declared, "You ain't the only ones who thought to leave a message back."
# # #
Amanda didn't know if it was sheer blind luck or a higher purpose that they'd made them finally find each other again, but she didn't care. No, she not.
Whether it was because of a carefully preordained event of a higher meaning, something like a destiny or was simply just a coincide, Amanda didn't fucking care. They were here. Joan…Noah… The people who had saved her—saved them from Grady when Amanda had so spectacularly failed… They were here. They…they hadn't died.
It never hurt to keep a little bit of faith, she reminded herself, as her tears slid over her cheeks, and she laughed, "God—I'm a mess—" She shook her head, pulling herself out of the tangled limbs of their embrace as Beth laughed along with her, sounding happy, and Joan and Noah accompanied… and that was how she wanted to hear always her them… her friend… her family?
It—it felt like… like she—she belonged here—not in the woods, but with these people. It was just another sort of simple self-realization, and she knew she shouldn't have been scared off, but she wasn't. She wanted all of them in her life, she wanted to sing the Parting Glass with Beth and Maggie, wanted to share talks with Joan. She wanted Daryl to teach her the woods, and she wanted to put Judith into the sleep, wanted to help Carl—wanted Rick…
Well, she still had no idea what she actually wanted to do with Rick—apart of course knowing she wanted to do him—but she was going to find out. She was quite determined on it now. Her eyes skipped at him for a second, and caught him looking at her, as well, a dark glint in his eyes, and Amanda recognized it all too well since now. He—he'd been just thinking about it, too. Them.
So, she guessed there was an unofficial them now. She couldn't deny it anymore. She never denied a fact. He—still might love his wife—but he had feelings for her, too. Amanda didn't still know how she was exactly going with that, but well, she guessed it was another thing she needed to find out.
She wondered if they would uh—venture out now to—find out—as they got people now… He—he hadn't said no. He said they couldn't have left the kids alone, and Amanda had agreed, and he'd said they would talk about it when they found others again—so… Amanda wondered if that was what he'd been thinking—and she felt her stomach making another inappropriate flip flops, and suddenly she started getting—nervous, the prospect had made her feel excited but out of sudden the flip flops tightened into a coil deep in her stomach.
She almost trembled, just as the same time Beth exclaimed beside her, "Oh my god, Joan—" Beth ushered out breathless, "I—I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm so glad you weren't here before!" Amanda snapped her head at the young girl as Joan and Noah gave her a look, looking lost, "You can't believe what happened this morning—"
Then Amanda understood what the girl had been talking about!
God! She was an idiot!
The biggest idiot ever known to the mankind, letting herself get carried away with Rick and his shenanigans, again… Gorman! A tremor passed over her body, this time all for different reasons. What—what the hell would've happened if Gorman had seen Joan with them this morning. Amanda didn't even want to think. Gorman had never cared for her—wanted to her back just because he needed her—needed to her to work for him—willingly, but Joan—Joan was different.
Amanda was just business.
Joan was not. Joan was personal.
She trembled again, shaking her head. "We gotta go. I don't trust that sonofabitch as far as I could throw him—" she muttered, nodding at Beth, and turned to Joan, "Gorman—" Amanda said flatly as Joan's face became whiter as soon as she heard the name, "He found us this morning here—" she said, "I'll explain later. We need to go now."
She turned and started walking to Rick and Daryl as they still kept a few feet distance from them, talking to each other, "Rick—" she called out, fastening her pace. The rest of her company followed her example, too, following her, "Rick—we need to go. Gorman—"
As she stopped as Rick walked towards her quickly, too, "Daryl—he found Maggie and Glenn's trails—" he then announced, as Amanda stopped dead.
# # #
"Terminus?" Amanda repeated after Daryl had done explaining in his usual curt, simplistic ways, suspicion tinting her voice, her brows knitted— "They take whoever arrives in?"
Joan shrugged, "It was what the sign said—" she answered, and intoned, "Sanctuary for all. Those who arrive survive." She paused, "It's what it's written under Maggie's message."
Maggie's message. "Beth. Go to Terminus."
After leaving the cabin this morning, Daryl had still wanted to check the tracks—to see if he could've found out other's trails—and saw that sign they'd talked about, the wooden structure on which Maggie had left her sister a message in blood.
Go to Terminus. Where the tracks meet.
It sounded—she truthfully didn't know. Communities—like Rick had dubbed them seldom took people in, by hanging signs. Everyone protected what they had now—what they had—their resources were too valuable to take people in randomly. All of them took people in… like they did at Grady or like how Rick and his people used to do at the prison, but they all had a procedure for that—Rick asked his three questions—gave you those measuring looks, too, and at Grady they only used to take in a certain type of people. No one of them did it like that—by hanging out signs at the tracks.
It didn't work like that anymore, either.
Rick seemed to have the same reservations, as well, but his jaw was set in that way, the corner of his lips having that tightness—a second away from a full grimace as his brows already drawn together.
"We—we need to look for them—" Beth piped up beside her, where they sat in a circle at the ground, reading their looks, "We—we need to."
Rick nodded tightly, hopping Judith in his lap where he crouched down, "We will—" he admitted, and despite what his face told, Amanda wasn't surprised of his declaration as well. She—wanted to go, as well. Maggie and Glenn were going there, so there was little else to think about, too. What Terminus might be—almost…inconsequential. "But we need to think smart, and act…wisely," Rick continued, "We don't know anything about that place."
"We know Maggie and Glenn's going there—" Amanda returned, as Beth nodded hurriedly.
"Yeah—" Daryl nodded back as well, "We heard something like that once from a radio in the car, returning from a supply run—" Daryl supplied in, "over the static—I can't be sure, man, but I think it was them, too."
"Either way, we can't stay here—" Amanda went on, "We need to go. Like now. I—really would feel better if we put a few hours of distance between us and Gorman."
And there was that, too.
Rick nodded again, standing up, hoisting up Judith closer at his chest, "All right—" he said, wandering a look between all of them, as if weighting his options, and Amanda knew how much relieved he must have felt having Daryl back. She just knew it. Amanda was a good partner to get his back, but with all the kids—and things between them… well, she knew he was relieved to have the hunter back.
And Amanda was glad, and damn grateful to the hunter as well, to bringing them back together—so much if things had been different, she might've even given a kiss at the cheek to the hunter. For finding her friends again.
Maggie and Glenn were his friends, but Joan and Noah must've meant quasi nothing to him—even though he still risked his life to find them. Maggie. She really missed the fierce bigger Greene, too, and she really liked the way Beth's lit up when she learned her sister had been looking for her.
"A'right—" Rick repeated, "We go to the cabin, pass the night there. Then the next morning, we go to the tracks and find the sign, follow them."
Amanda stood up, too, "Sounds like a plan." She gave a look around, counting—okay, nine people: a baby, one kid, three teenagers, and three grown-ups. They needed to do some splitting up and partnering.
"A'right—" she rounded the word in the same drawl Rick used, "Each of us get a rookie—" she told Rick and Daryl, motioning with her head towards the teenagers, "We make a line—and put Judy and Mika in—I take them—" she said, reaching out to take Judith from Rick.
Rick momentarily hesitated, but only momentarily, then left the baby girl in her reaching arms without any word, but only a look—a glinting, tensed look—blue eyes getting darkened—but this time she couldn't even be sure of what—so feeling the tight ball in deep her stomach again, Amanda ran her eyes away, "Uh—Daryl—you take the point. Take Joan, too. She's my best experience rookie. You hold the point—" She turned back to Rick, "Rick—you take Noah and Carl. You hold our backs. I take Beth. We take Judith and Mika. We walk between."
Rick nodded. "Okay." Rick looked at Daryl, "How long does it take to get the cabin—" he asked.
"Four or so hours—" the hunter answered, "They wouldn't have gone far away than the prison."
Rick gave another brief nod. "All right, let's move out—" he ordered then with a final instruction, "Keep yours open—" and gave their rookies a look, "And don't break the line."
Two hours later, they made their first pause, Daryl hurriedly going for water. Amanda gave the little baby girl to Beth as she'd been carrying the girl for the last hour, and sat down at the ground over a tree root beside Carl and Rick as Joan and Noah did at their other side, and Beth sat in the middle of their circle with Mika.
She gave a look as Daryl's retreating back as the tracker vanished through the trees, heavy with thoughts. If she wasn't that tired—she might've gone with the hunter… she really needed to learn how to find a damn creek in the woods…
She turned to Rick. "Do you—uh—do you think Daryl would start—uh—a class or something?" she said, looking at him, "when this's over..."
Because it was going to be over, right?
Perhaps not Terminus, but somewhere else?
A damn roof over their heads, actual walls, and actual beds.
Because despite of all of her simple self-realizations, she really still didn't feel like she belonged here. But—she still needed to learn.
The opposite was out of the question now. She was going to learn how to track, hunt, find water, survive in the woods. What had happened yesterday was never going to happen again. She was quite determined on it, as well.
He looked at her suspiciously. Amanda shrugged. "Well—you know—how to do it…how to survive in the woods… find food and water, how to hunt and track—" She paused, letting out a sigh, shaking her head, "I'm—practically useless in the woods like this." She grimaced at her own weakness, "I don't like it."
And when Amanda didn't like something, she did something to change it, simple as that, or look for a way out to get herself out of it, but Rick had started giving her one of those looks, so she bowed her head—her stomach tightening again, and she really wished he stopped doing it—she really wished, too… "I—I can teach you some too—" she heard him say then, and she lifted her head—and looked at him.
She wanted to say no—she wanted to say—they couldn't do teacher-pupil thing when the things were like this between them—She wanted to say Daryl was perfect for it—distant, cool as ice, but almost a professional, but still…caring, too. Amanda wasn't an idiot, she'd seen it—but somehow, she found herself nodding at him, "'Kay. Thanks."
God, she was the biggest idiot in the whole world.
# # #
Two more hours, half of a dozen or so walkers, and no living—thankfully no living later, they found the cabin in the woods.
It was just a small cottage, half of it already rotted and eaten by wood bugs and rains, and wind, but to Rick it felt like a palace.
It even had a separate bedroom, so he walked inside and put Judith on the low bed—trying not to think who had been sleeping on it beside one of them last night—those kind of thoughts didn't belong in their world, either, anymore. Judith had fallen asleep, and Rick had taken the baby girl from Amanda at the last hour as they both got too tired of the weight.
Amanda's lips made a turn—but she didn't say anything. He knew she was tired, so he let it go. She'd taken the back with Carl and Noah then as Rick had walked with Beth and Mika in their between.
His clothes smelled awful with blood, sweat and dirt, and he felt tired as well—but the way she'd said she didn't like how useless she felt in the woods had disturbed him again—the way she had accepted her own weakness—and his offer had poured out of him then. He knew—he knew he'd just let her go with Daryl—but somehow…the notion had tightened his chest, as well, disturbing him in another way—and that was what he didn't like…
Them being alone in the woods—Daryl teaching her stuff. He—he couldn't be—jealous of Daryl, right? Man, the man—the man was like a brother to him—and…and Daryl knew things between him and Amanda…was different. He—he'd been the first one who had caught up on it.
It's different.
Rick remembered their talk at the fence at their night patrol, and the look Daryl had given him… He shook his head. No. Daryl—Daryl was different. He would never do it—and Amanda didn't even look…interested. He—he was just…jealous, he guessed. Not being the one who would be—be there for her for everything, protecting her…keeping her safe, teaching her how to keep safe… No. It had to be him. Not Daryl.
He almost let out a sigh, looking down at the bed—almost surprised at his own vigorous feelings regarding such a simple and logical request—Daryl was the best candidate for such a thing—perhaps not the best person, to teach anyone anything, but he knew his stuff.
And, still Rick wasn't liking it.
He bowed his hand, and his eyes caught the metal glint of his ring—and her voice whispered in his mind—
I didn't…like it…
His fingers played with his ring—and he almost took it off—then he sensed eyes—at his back, looking at him. Twisting aside an inch, he flickered a look behind to see Carl staring at him.
Dropping his arms at his side, Rick turned to his on. "Dad?" his boy questioned him, "Can you—can you teach me, too?" he then asked, "hunt and track. I want to know, too."
He—he always had wanted to come with him out in the woods to set up his snares in the mornings, but Rick had always refused, too. This time, he nodded. "Yes. I will."
They all had to know it.
Not only Amanda or Carl. But Beth, Noah, Joan. All of them. It was—it was about survival now. They—they had to prepare them. Not only keep them alive and safe, but also prepare them for what was outside.
No more kid stuff.
But—it still had to wait another day. Now—he—needed to do something else. He wanted to do something else.
He—he had run away from this as much as he could—not it was pointless now. "Tomorrow I'll take you, too. I'll go out today with Amanda before the sunset, will set up some snares for the morning," he informed Carl, keeping his tone gentle yet firm, Carl had to start understanding as well, "I need to talk to her."
His fourteen years old son gave him a look, long and slow, but nodded back, "Okay, dad."
His son was becoming a man—Rick had never seen it so clearly before like that.
"Keep your sister safe, son—" He turned and walked back.
She was at the living area with the others as Daryl and Joan had already started putting up perimeters outside the cabin with the cans and ropes they'd found inside. He stopped in front of Beth and her as they scavenged the little room to find whatever they could, and waited until she lifted her head and looked at him in the eyes, "I'm going to set up snares for tomorrow—" he told her simply, his voice placid as he kept looking directly at her, and he knew she understood then, "Do you want to come?"
He saw her almost tremble at his word choice-swallowing low in her throat, oh yes, Rick knew she did—she wanted to come—badly—she wanted to come with him. Rick was going to make sure she was going to, too.
She pulled back at her feet, nodding, "Yeah, sure."
# # #
A tight nerve of ball set in stomach further deep down, Amanda kept walking beside him as they traipsed in the woods.
They had left fifteen or so minutes ago, and there were still two or so hours sunlight left, the days were shortening, they must've been finishing up September now, and she guessed they might start setting up snarls as Rick had told her inside the cabin, but so far, nothing had happened yet.
They—they barely even talked to each other as Rick walked with quick steps beside her in silence, his head bowed.
She—she had no idea what was going on—well, she had a fair one—but all of frankness, she didn't know it was happening—she—she'd expected some more—feet dragging—but the way he had asked if she'd wanted to come—the look he'd given her in the meantime.
God Lord!
A tremor had passed over her hearing the words—and she knew he'd seen that, too. And yes, she wanted to come. God help her, she really wanted. In fact, she was practically begging for it. It'd been years, and she'd missed it, missed the sensation…the peace, satisfaction, and serenity an orgasm brought onto you, making everything…simple.
She hadn't been with anyone for a few months even before the turn, and after the turn—it'd been just not option, not shitting where you ate, but here she was now, walking beside Rick Grimes almost two years after, looking for a place to set up some snares in the fucking woods, a tug throbbing in her insides, her panties getting wettened as a tight ball sat in her stomach—and she felt like—she felt she must've run away for the hills…
God, she had never felt this nervous even on her first time. She—she'd just wanted to be done with it, wanted it to get out of her way. She hadn't even told it about the guy. She'd enrolled into the Academy new, and she had had no desires of to be known still a virgin. People always made a big deal of it. So, she'd just had to get over it.
It'd hurt like hell—and she couldn't even have said it. She'd just sucked it off, and afterward, more than anything she'd been relived she was finally free of it. The guy she'd been together hadn't believed what had happened afterward at first, then wanted to talk about it, but Amanda had refused—she hadn't wanted to talk about it, in fact, she hadn't even wanted to talk to him… So…
God! Why—she kept doing this stuff—making herself remember stuff that would get her only more…nervous.
What was wrong with her seriously?
They were just going to have sex!
If that was why Rick had asked for her, that was it. She just—she didn't know. She'd felt that was what he'd asked—why he'd asked for her—to get her away how they had talked before, how she herself had demanded before… He—he had managed the logistics…
They were going to fuck. No big deal. Get it out of their systems.
Only she felt like she was stretched out over a torture rack, strained—and tensed, and Rick just kept walking…
God!
"Uh—uh—" she broke the silence, "Do you think those people really mean it? Taking whoever comes in—?" she asked her suspicion because she had to talk about something before she went completely crazy, "Just like that? No procedure or something. It doesn't make sense."
Lifting his head up, Rick skipped his eyes at her, "No—" he told her, nodding, "No, it's not. But like you said—" he continued, "That's where Maggie and Glenn are going. So…" he trailed off.
So…. And, with that, they relapsed into another silence.
Well, he wasn't too chatty today. But then again, Rick never talked much—aside giving directives, of course, the problem was when he started talking, he didn't know when to shut up.
He was a very guarded person, too, he didn't have Daryl's "don't come close, or you'll get hurt" vibes, but he was as avoidant as the other man, as much as her, but when he started getting confrontational, he just didn't stop—he went all the way down.
In any other time, in any other place, Amanda—Amanda would've really had a hard time testing his boundaries, pushing all of his buttons to see how he would snap—how he would react—to determine what kind of cloth he was made of, the way she'd been doing with Dawn and Gorman—the very thing that had driven Gorman to leave her behind in the woods possibly—but everything was just too complicated with Rick.
That damn word again!
God—what the hell were they doing here?
Letting out a frustrated sigh, she stopped, and shook her head. Seeing her halting her steps, Rick stopped, too, turning to her. "Rick—seriously, what are we doing?"
He gave her a look, "I thought I was obvious enough, Amanda—" he told her, "We're—we're going to have sex." He paused, "Isn't that what you wanted?" he questioned, "Us having sex?"
For a second, her heart galloped in her throat and she felt barbed wires coiled further in her stomach, "Yeah—yeah… I did but—" But what? But what? something screamed in her mind… "I—I—" she swallowed, "I don't know. You caught me unawares, I guess—" she confessed then, "I—I didn't expect you—get on board this quick."
His eyes—the heated, glinting like sapphire eyes found hers, "Well, I guess I missed sex, too." Pausing for a second, he cleared his throat low, "It—it's been a while for me, too."
She made a noise herself too. It—it was so weird—they…they shouldn't have talked like this. Last night—how last night had been easy…kissing him—like it was the easiest, simplest thing in the world. Why—why they couldn't have that moment now… Why she felt there was that barbed wired tight ball in her stomach now?
She gulped again, "Could—could—uh sit and talk a bit—" she asked then, feeling shocking herself as the words left her mouth, and heat started emitting out of her, realizing what she had been asking—talking… she bowed her head, "It—it feels a bit weird," she confessed with a small voice.
It felt…weird, strange, tense… everything else than simple and easy.
Rick nodded. Amanda sat down on another tree root. "I—I know—" and Rick confessed as well, "I—I feel the same, too. But I accepted it."
She lifted her head, "Accept what?"
"I want you," he simply said, settling himself beside her.
She stared at him, her brows pulling into, "I—I thought you already accepted that."
Rick shook his head, "No—that wasn't what I meant. I want you more than a man wants a woman—" he clarified, and paused, placing his writs over his knees, and bowed his head, his hands dangling over his legs, "I—I got jealous of Daryl today—" he told her then, his voice was low, too—gentle yet firm, "You—you said you wanted him to teach you stuff—and I—I didn't…like it. Thought it had to be me."
She bowed her head, nodding, and repeated his own words, "I—I understand." She—she felt that tight ball in her stomach loosened a bit as a warmness spread over her, and a small smile appeared over her lips, she couldn't help it—couldn't help herself, like most of the things with him—and she was surprised how easy it was to smile again suddenly… She lifted her head up, and looked at him, "I—I liked it."
Rick lifted his head up as well, hearing it— "I liked hearing it…"
Then it happened again—a smile tugged at the corner of his lips, too, and he leaned forward over her—and she leaned down—and it was so easy again—the way their lips met—and he kissed her slowly, catching the back of her neck… then moved his lips over the side of her neck, brushing them over her skin…
They were both filthy, smelling, dirty—and she didn't fucking care… not a bit… "I—I really want you, Amanda," he whispered into her ear, gathering her up closer to him, "It's driving me crazy—" He wrapped his left arm around her waist, hoisting up closer over himself, and she had no idea what his words truly meant—so she whispered back the same;
"I—I really want you, too, Rick—"
The she was on her back. "Good—" he said, pulling back, and he sat on his knees looking down at her as she lay over her back over dirt, fallen leaves, and tree roots… He ran his fingers over the length of her neck as his other hand pushed her hair over her face, "You're so beautiful—" he told her in the same rough whisper, "I—I always wanted to tell you that—"
She smiled—hearing it—and Rick gave her a smile back, too, "Just like that—" His left hand cupped her cheek, then against her burning flesh she felt it—
The cold touch of the metal.
She flinched back from his touch as if it bit her—and perhaps it did— Her insides tightened into a ball again, worse than before—and she—she wanted to stand up and run—away from him—as fast as she could… this—this was stupid!
So stupid!
But in silence—Rick wasn't even looking at her—he was looking at his hand still over her cheek—barely touching her now…and he shook his head.
He took it back, and as her eyes widened, took the ring off, and slipped it inside his pocket. "I—I still need to wear it—" he told her then, his eyes finding hers again, "Carl—I can't take it before I make sure Carl is okay with everything."
Without understanding what was happening, she nodded, "Then—" he said, "We'll see. I—I really want to try this, Amanda—" he told her then, holding her cheek with his hand—with his bare hand again.
Her lips quavered, and she nodded, blinking away tears… "I—I want to, too—"
He leaned toward her again, "Good… Now—" His eyes found hers, hovering his head over her lips, "I really want to fuck you, Amanda Shepherd—"
She laughed, shaking her head— "If I had a mother, Rick, she would've warned me to stay the fuck away from you—"
"Would you listen?" he rasped out over her lips.
She shook her head, "No."
"Good—"
She closed her eyes before his lips claimed hers— then heard it—a crunch of twigs—
Goddammit!
Not again!
"Fuck it!" she heard Rick's rasping swore, opening her eyes as his head snapped up. Then he halted, and Amanda saw two rotters starting limping toward them eagerly, noticing them under the tree, laying on the ground like morons…
Rick drew back an inch, and gave her a look, "Don't move—" he warned as he quickly jumped up back at his feet, taking off his knife.
She—she'd never seen anyone taking out rotters that quick. It took—less than thirty seconds, as Amanda pulled up as well, taking off her knife, too, but it was useless. Rick had already started coming back, marching toward—as if the last of his reverses had been exploded with the last interruption, and shaking his arms off to drop off the blood away from the knife, he tugged back its sheath, and frowned up at her— "I told you not to move—"
His voice rasped, and Amanda stared—trying to find something to say—but it was for naught, because the next second, he just pulled her at himself and started kissing her hungrily, his hands already unzipping her pants.
# # #
They—they were going to fuck now—nothing would stop him again, not even a whole army of hell looking for his head.
He'd had enough.
He was going to fuck her, simple as that. He was done with waiting.
He unzipped her pants, thankful of the tactical simplicity of her combat pants as the loose pants pooled over her ankles over around her boots quickly, leaving her only in her panties—like how many times he'd dreamed… Though, Rick knew it wasn't the case of the uniforms, he still felt glad… He might've ripped it off her body with his knife if she'd wore one of those skinny jeans she'd borrowed from Beth and Maggie.
The next he took off his jacket she still wore over her basic dirty white tee, tugged the hem of the t-shirt as well to make her raise her arms so that he would see her just how he wanted—naked.
Naked.
He wanted to see her naked, like how he had dreamed countless times—torturing himself in sleepless nights… He wanted to see her naked over the fallen leaves under this tree—then he was going to fuck her senseless until she begged him to stop.
God—it'd been a while—and he couldn't even remember the last time he wanted someone this—madly… if he ever did—had he? Had he ever wanted to fuck Lori this madly…? He didn't know—he didn't fucking care, either. He didn't care anything right now…
Only Amanda—he only wanted Amanda now—the rest—all the rest were questions for another time. There was that look in her eyes now, too—shock, surprise, and scare—and lust—seeing him like this—and Rick smirked at her as she raised her arms up as Rick took the shirt off of her.
Then as she stayed in her sports bra he'd seen her in earlier, Rick crouched down, his side was protesting with his sudden agile movements, but Rick didn't care his injuries much, either… Everything was dusted under the haze of lust and desire—and Rick—Rick really was done with waiting.
For a second, her eyes widened as he sat crouched down between her feet, his head over her crotch, as his eyes lifted up at hers—then he gave another smirk, brushed a light kiss over her panties. She trembled at his touch, he felt it—then pulling back, he leaned down, and started unfastening her boots.
She—she needed to be naked.
He felt her eyes on him, "Rick—uh—rotters—perhaps this—this isn't a good idea—" she muttered, "getting naked. We…we might still need to kill rotters."
He shook his head, untying the boots, and they had such freaking long ties that made him even angrier… "I keep the clothes, kill rotters—" he told her—the way she said rotters, and lifting his head up, he gave her another smirk, "You get naked." He took one of the boots, and made her walk out of it, "I want you naked."
"Uh—"
He took the other boot, and made her walk out of it as well, her pants pooling off around her feet completely over her slim legs as the barrier that had held them up was gone, and there she stood in her underwear. He wasn't done yet, but they were finally getting to it.
Crouched between her feet in the same position, he lifted his head again and looked at her. She still had the same look, but she looked even more nervous now—and something swelled in his chest too—seeing her like this—staring at him wildly as if she was a blushing, fair maiden—his lady in the woods—and it made him feel—good—and he liked it—liked seeing her like this—because he knew he was the only one he could've gotten her like this…
He made a move over her pelvis—still looking at her eyes, and trembling, she leaned back against the tree, holding it for support, but he didn't touch it. He—he only wanted to see her reaction, and she didn't—disappoint.
God—he so wanted to see her squirming under her, he started getting scared how long he really was going to keep himself going—he was as hard as a rock inside his jeans, throbbing—twitching, all of him wanting to bury himself in her depths—claim her—have her…
Almost trembling—he caught her wrist and pulled her down— Later… they were going to have time for plays later. They'd already done a lot of foreplay—driving each other insane. He—he needed to fuck her now.
And, not a second later.
# # #
He'd snapped, broken over his reserves—Amanda couldn't find anything to describe it better. The rotters they'd interrupted them also had broken their rhythm, the easy flow between them, snapping Rick.
The way he was—god! It was the most exhilarating, thrilling and scary thing—but that was the man she'd also dreamed of fucking her after their each...battle—the way he let himself go and fought with his madly vigor, the way he'd beat Tyreese to a pulp or led them in the fight when they'd cleared the warehouse, and that man was going to fuck her now—fucked her senseless—Amanda knew—it was all over in his eyes—and it…it all was making her feel as if she was a uptight ball of strained nerves.
Clad only in her panties now—he'd already taken care of her bra, leaving the garment on the top of the rest of her clothes, he was assaulting her with kisses, his hands—his bare hands roaming all over her body—across the plains of her curves—and she'd missed it, missing the sensation of someone touching her—but it was still going behind everything she'd ever imagined—one part of her still wanted to go run away as the other just wanted to close her eyes and yield herself to the moment.
She closed her eyes—her subconscious making her decision, even though her stomach was so still so tight…and felt the fabric between them—separating them—his dirty—dirty with things she didn't want to even think right now was already open too—his partly naked chest brushing over her skin as he grinded over her, but aside it, down he was still wearing his jeans—and she hated the scratching feeling over her naked skin—she…she wanted him naked, too—
Then she remembered—naked…
Soon they were going to be truly naked… naked.
They—they didn't have condoms… She—she'd never had sex without condom before—wouldn't have thought of it before—never had trusted anyone that much—even though she'd made sure she was also protected with injections—never hurt to be too much careful, but unprotected sex—it was different.
You didn't have sex with condoms not only because of pregnancy. It…it protected you… She could've never been sure of anyone to have sex that way—trust anyone that way —never made herself to be...open to anyone like that...
The tight ball was back at her at full force—and she tensed under him, opening her eyes, and when she did her eyes met with his narrowed ones. And smart as he was, seeing right through her always, he understood something had happened.
"What's wrong?" he rasped out at her in a low whisper, his hands and lips halting at the same second, "What happened?"
"I—" she forced out through her tight throat, blinking—trying to sort out her thoughts and feelings— "I—we—we don't have condoms—" she whispered then.
Understanding, he nodded, "I—I'll pull back—" he told her then, "I—I can hold it back."
She knew he could do it—it was dangerous but he could do it—even though she felt like they were flirting with danger. But still it wasn't what had made her got tense like a stringed bow. She nodded as he looked at her even more carefully, and raised her chin up to run away from him…
His hand touched her chin again, and made her look at him, "I—I'm clean, Amanda—I—I've not slept with anyone but my wife after I got married—" he explained, taking her nervousness at the wrong way, "Hell, I haven't even slept with anyone for a long time, either."
She swallowed, trying to crack up a joke—her voice faltering, "Nine—nine or so months aren't that long, Rick…I have it worse."
He shook his head, giving her a look, and said back, "And who said it was nine months?"
She stared at him, not quite understanding—Judith was around nine or so months—they…they…they must've done it—having sex wasn't dangerous in the pregnancy… but Rick shook his head again, as if he realized what she'd been thinking… "I told you it was complicated, Amanda—" he told her with a sigh—and then she frowned.
This—this was wrong!
Thinking about the last time when a man had had sex with his dead wife—the wife he'd already confessed he was in love with—while she lay under him naked down to her panties.
Anger swept over her, she pushed him off over her, "Get off of me—I don't want to talk about the last time you fucked your wife before you fucked me!" She elbowed him, as he tried to keep her under him, "Get off of me—"
He tightened his grip— "I—I'm sorry—I…I didn't mean it like that. I—I just wanted to make you sure—I'm clean." His eyes found hers again as her movements slowly halted at his tone, "Amanda—please."
She stopped, still looking at him—and blinked—she felt tears pricking at the back of her eyes—and if...if she cried right now—god…she was such an emotional wreck— his own mama would've warned him to stay the fuck away from her, surely, if the woman saw her.
"Hey—" he called at her—cupping her cheek again, "Why don't you tell me what happened?" he asked then, and warned, "And don't tell me nothing—I know something happened."
She closed her eyes for a second before she opened them again, and confessed, "I—I'm just nervous—" she confessed again, trying to keep her voice casual, "I—I've never had sex without condoms."
Understanding lit in his eyes, and he slowly nodded, and struggled with the words the next "We—w-we can stop if you want…until I—uh find condoms."
She looked at him, trying to decide—that part of her—the part that screaming at her that she was playing with fire was also screaming at her to say yes—but Amanda shook her, "Uh—I—I've always wondered how it'd feel—so…let's get on with it."
With a half of smirk, half a smile, Rick then didn't make her repeat.
# # #
He was trying to get on with it, he really was, but she just couldn't let him.
Tightening his fingers on her hips as he held her in the position, she squirmed back an inch from him as he forced himself in an inch further—pushing through her folds—and so tight—god, she was so fucking tight—so—so fucking tight—and even though she was wet, he felt again he crashed against a barrier—and she groaned—almost too loud—not out of pleasure either, but in pain.
God-! "Amanda—don't pull back—" he rasped out, grinding with effort, winding his arm around her waist to keep her still as she inched away from him again on instinct, "Please, relax—" his tone turned almost imploring—this…this wasn't going as how he'd planned—
She—she'd become too much wound up. He couldn't have even gotten half of her inside… She'd pushed him each time. He—he'd fucked this up, too—couldn't even manage fucking her senseless—making her come—making her relax just how she'd wanted—needed but instead had gotten her wound up talking about Lori and condoms again—God, he was an idiot.
She trembled in pain—and Rick completely pulled out.
It wasn't working. Her shut closed eyes cracked up open, glistening with unshed tears, and she looked at him— "What—whaddya doin'?" she roughed out deep in her throat, "Don't stop. Just—just do it. I can take pain!"
He drew away from her, straightened his back, pulling his jeans back over his hips again, and tugged himself in, as well, "No—not today—We—we got too…wounded up today. We try another time, 'kay?"
"No!" she almost hissed out, straightened up, as well, "We both want to fuck, and we will!" She glared at him, holding his still open shirt, pulling him back over herself, "Dammit, just get on with it!"
"No!" he pulled back, "No! You're not ready, Amanda—" he told her, "We're gonna wait."
"I don't want to wait." She shook her head furiously, her hand reaching out to him again, "I want to fuck!"
He caught her, and lowering it down, he lay down behind her in front of the tree, and forced her to turn on her side, and placed her against his chest. It—it felt much better, like he'd wanted before—holding her in his embrace—protecting her—keeping her safe… Without even seeing them, he heard her soft sobs, her shoulders shaking lightly as she cried in silence in his embrace. "Shsss—baby—it's okay—" the word left him easily—nothing strange—and Rick liked it—liked calling her like that—He kissed her shoulder lightly, as his hands started playing over the plains of her flat stomach, "It was my fault anyway. I made you too nervous. Just relax now."
She shook her head, and she sounded bitter when she bit off, "We can't even fuck." She shook her head again, "Why it was so easy last night and this…complicated now?" she asked.
"Because we didn't talk last night—I guess…" he muttered, his fingertips making lazy circles over her skin…
She sucked in a breath— "We—w-we should stop talking, Rick…" she moaned out—and Rick realized his fingers flittering just above her pelvis now.
He made a little gesture, and she rewarded him with another breathy moan— "I agree—" he whispered back at her, lowering his hand further between her legs… and she let out another—deeper moan, almost a groan.
He smiled then.
A couple of minutes later—she became so soft—so docile again between in his arm, moaning deeply as he stroked her folds lightly, Rick almost had forgotten how this hadn't worked out before when he'd tried earlier—he didn't want to think, he didn't want to talk—he didn't want to do anything that would break their flow again…
So, he just pushed a finger in her—and immediately added another too, enlarging her canal as she tossed her head back over his shoulder, giving way her long, graceful neck to his kisses… He added another finger—he needed to make her give in… He couldn't take this long—and he still wanted to be in her—badly…very badly.
"Rick—" she moaned with trembles as he sucked her pulse, his fingers going through in her tight canal— he hit another time at her inside, and she arched in response, dropping out another loud moan—and god—he needed to keep her quiet—she…was a moaner—Rick got that—already got that—but he didn't want to pull back his other hand that had cupped over the swell of her breast away—in fact he wanted to do the exact opposite—he wanted to pinch her perked up nipple—so he did—twisted the peak—dammit—he even wanted to bite it..
She gave out another moan, with another utterance of his name— "Rick…" and he was done.
Pulling both of his hands away, he turned her over on her back, and climbed on her again in a blink, and there again—she was staring at him—and that was the way he wanted her to look at him—soft green eyes misted with lust and pleasure—imploring… to fuck her hard.
He cupped her face between his hands, and started kissing her like he'd kissed her the first beside the window to say goodbye. This time he wasn't saying goodbye, he was saying something entirely else as he grinded himself over her folds…let me in…
And she was ready, this time she was ready to let him in.
He pulled back an inch, his back arching to positioning himself over her entrance with one hand he'd taken away from her face, "Rick—" she moaned again as he pushed forward the first over in her entrance, her face twisting to find his eyes, and Rick stared at her back as he thrust with a long stroke and sheathed himself completely in her.
She groaned loudly, arching against him again, fluttering and constringing around him as he broke through her barrier that had kept him off. Her arms flailed and wounded around his neck in return, her legs wrapped around his lower hips and she trembled, clinging onto him… "Rick…"
God…this—this was what he'd dreamed. Her like this…
And she was so tight—so fucking tight, he almost came.
He held on his reserves with his everything as she pulsed around his member, tightly enveloping him—and he breathed out a sharp breath as she stirred beneath him— "Hold still—" he rasped out, the deep timber of his voice almost sounding belonging to someone else, "Hold still a minute—" he warned again.
"Rick—" she whispered again, "Rick—please. I want you." The words again—He lifted his head up, their eyes finding each other, "I want you so much. Fuck me. Now."
This time he truly didn't make her repeat twice.
He pulled back—almost completely, then thrusted back again—she let out another loud groan—and again he let out—God—if another walker came right at the moment—he didn't even know what he would've done—how he would've let her go now like this…
But walkers didn't come—and he kept fucking her as she wanted—driving her madly until she became a bundle of shivering, trembling heap of moans, groans and whimpers—he could even smell lust and desire down from her body the way she met with his every thrust—
The way they fucked—it was so simple—just the simple missionary where she loosely hung her legs around his hips—even though he knew how lithe her body was. She couldn't seem doing anything else, either just lay beneath him as he pounded in her—and he couldn't take anything more—adventurous right now—not right now—not when everything was so new—so alive—so primal with her—when even the simplest, the most tame position felt like the wildest sex in his life…
His whole body was signing with it—a primal, wild song—a song she made with her groans, whimpers, and moans, a song she made each time she constricted herself around him, her insides like a molten lava, so hot…so fucking tight and hot… then the crescendo of the song finally started picking up—with a shrilling moan pouring out of her lips as Rick managed to hit a spot somewhere deep inside her, and grinded himself over his pelvis…
She shuddered, constringing, and wound her legs around him tighter, pulling them upward over his waist, and the move made him find himself further in her heated depths—and he closed his eyes tightly—the song still signing in him wildly—just out of his reach— but so close—so damn close—and if he could just reach out and take it—he could claim it…
So, he did—he pulled back, gave three shallow thrust first—rocking his hips—then hit the spot he'd found deep in her, with a long, deep one.
She completely went wild with a loud screaming moan—reaching her own crescendo, trashing around him, constringing with shivers, pulsing around him—making him reach to his own peak, too. He almost let himself go—inside in her depths—the urge was so strong it took everything—everything in him not to come inside her.
But he wanted it… he so fucking wanted it—spill himself in her folds until his last drop… Shuddering, he emptied himself—just over her entrance-he didn't have left any other restrain to do anything else…
And without a word, her back hit at the ground again, and following her, Rick dropped himself over her—his hand gently stroked hers, finding it laying lazily beside him over the ground as she shivered, and he shuddered…
"Uh—" she whispered out—after a while—he didn't know how long—he didn't care either—the alleviation of his powerful orgasm still coursing through him— "Uh—you—you didn't come inside, right?" she managed to ask, her voice barely a whisper.
His head on the crook of her shoulder, he shook it- "No—pulled out."
She must've nodded—even though he couldn't see it… "Okay—" she whispered out.
And he almost must've been crushing her with his weight, but she didn't make any word for it nor she tried to pull back away… "I—I liked it—" she then slowly said with the same whisper, another shiver running over her body, "I—doing it like this…I liked it."
Doing it without any condom—being with him without any protection… He lifted his head up at her—trying to find something to say back at her—then lowering his head, he merely kissed her in answer.
She responded willingly—so soft—tender—it was so hard to remember now they couldn't have almost managed to do this, the way she'd just kept pushing him away—and he knew they—they really needed to sit down and talk—they really did. Even with sex—this happened when they forced each other, but it was just so much easier to kiss her when she was like this…
A stir passed over him—and their hands—lazily playing each other started tightened around each other fingers—and he clasped her hand—tight…so tight—and bringing it up, he placed it down over her head as he deepened the kiss.
Again, she returned with the same zest.
He pulled back an inch—his handd still holding hers tightly, and he roughed out—hardening, "Again?"
This time she gave him a small smirk, but still managing to look shy while doing so, and she was somewhere now between the annoying smug pain in the ass he wanted to kick her ass regularly and the little shy girl she only wanted to protect herself. And Rick—really—really wanted that woman, wanted her so much it had started scaring him… "Well—uh—I've really missed it, Rick—" She gave him that smile, too, then, staring at him lifting her eyes up, she asked, "Do you?"
In answer, he grinded his growing hardness at her still wet entrance. "What do you think?"
She ran her eyes away, and muttered, "There's still enough sunlight left, you think?" she then asked, and looked back at him, "You know—I—uh—I still want to learn how to set up a snare."
He laughed back in answer, shaking his head, "Don't worry—there's still some sunlight left—" he muttered before his lips found hers again—his hand still clutching hers rested at the side of her head, and he liked it—liked the notion of holding it as they fucked…
And Jesus Christ—he wanted her so badly—still—even after he'd come once—how long ago he still didn't have any idea—but he was going to fuck her again. The only thing he couldn't decide now how…?
How—how he wanted her—a part of him wanted to watch her as she drove herself over his lap—holding her tightly between his arms—the other wanted to just turn her on her stomach and have her from behind—god… Both visuals got him hardened further—and he leaned over her… "You choose—you want it at my lap—or on your stomach behind."
She shivered at the question. "Uh—both?" she moaned as he gently bit his earlobe.
He made out a noise. "Well—you have to pick up one—" he told her, "We can't do both at the same time."
"I say—behind—" a voice—a rough male voice said from their behinds as they both froze—his hand over hers tightened as he lifted his head up and looked at her as her eyes widened with fear…
"Whaddya say, Len?" the voice continued, "Oh, and I claim this one."
SO! First, yeah, the Claimers! They've finally made their appearance, too!
And-now, lemme make a short list for Rick Grimes for things not to do at the end of the world.
1st- Don't offer your arch nemesis with a personal grudge for you, who you know is a sadistic sonofabitch with A TANK to share your home. Bad things definitely will follow.
2nd- Don't have sex in a lustful frenzy open in the woods, lost to your surroundings-while keep moaning and groaning as if you're in your home. Bad things might follow. He he.
And, they were totally watching them fucking each other! Claimers are nasty that way. :)
Oh my god, so much things happened in this chapter-I just didn't want to break it in two. We got Maggie's message to BETH-to her sister she kinda forgot at the show-and Terminus-and the Claimers-and Amanda and Rick are in deep shit. Amanda is also stark naked as the day she was born... He he... I feel so-accomplished to manage to pull off all of these in a single chapter. LOL.
Like I said I also wanted the sex scene more focused on their mentality, and slipping off things, like Rick telling her it was more then nine months he didn't have sex-hinting that he wasn't sleeping with Lori and Amanda's issues with intimacy. I just didn't want them to get to the fucking each other senseless in one go before they almost screwed it up, couldn't almost even do it. You know, sometimes you get so tense-uh, it just doesn't happen.
Let me what you think, if you don't mind...vice versa...