Lily Bud

Year 6 Chapter 80

Sometimes it became all too easy to forget the war when she hung out with James and the Marauders. Not in a way that he or they ignored it or pretend that everything was alright, but there was something so positive and alive about James that it seems absurd that he could exist in the same world as that war.

Not that the world let her forget for long. Every insult, every derogatory look at her, every time she waited up and rounded the last younger muggleborns in the library up to get them back to their common rooms, every duel in the hallways, every meeting with Mary, every time a student was missing in class and the teacher just skipping the name, because everybody had seen the dark owls with their black envelope in their claws. By Godric, those damn letters. Those letters were sent to people whose close relatives, like parents or siblings, died in a way that the ministry saw it fit to investigate.

The birds would often fly one or two rounds over the great hall before pinpointing their target. Everybody was watching them. Some openly, some more hidden, some with fear trembling lips, some with open sadistic glee. Sometimes these letters arrive nearly daily, sometimes with weeks apart so that you nearly forgot about them. Nearly.

Lily was walking down to the Great Hall with Sulfia and Dorcas.

"Come on, you can't tell me that you are not at least a little bit curious who Gwen has a crush on." Sulfia claimed with crossed arms.

"The party was weeks ago and she didn't have to tell you if she doesn't want to…" Dorcas replied.

Sulfia rose an eyebrow.

"Of course I would like to know as well," Dorcas finally admitted before adding. "But I'm sure she will tell us when she is ready."

"She hasn't even told Gunny yet." Lily added. She kept the conversation she had with Gwen to herself, partly because she didn't know what Gwen had been thinking about.

"Of course, you would defend another person who thinks hiding their love life is ok." Sulfia gave Lily one hell of a dirty look with those words. No, they never forgave her for not telling them about Jimmy sooner. Even claiming that he couldn't possibly be that important if she didn't tell them about him.

Lily just rolled her eyes. But didn't answer her friends in any other way. She had this feeling that she will be reminded of this great sin once they are all old and grey.

They were still chatting when they arrived at the Gryffindor table for breakfast. Their normal seat opposite of the Marauders was crowded, who seemed to be in the process of collecting all the scrambled eggs, not only from the Gryffindor table but apparently tried to collect, blackmail, persuade, bribe or steal them from the other tables as well. A lot of bowls were crowded together in front of the boys. Peter and Sirius were both doing some stretching and loosening exercises. Remus was just rolling his neck and James ran back to the table with a gleeful grin and three more bowls that he nicked from the Ravenclaws.

Lily wasn't sure how, but only moments later Sulfia had pulled her and Dorcas with her to the front of the crowd. "What exactly are you planing here?" Sulfia's voice had this strange mix of sounded bored and amused at the same time. Another thing Lily liked to think purebloods learn in prep school.

"A little bet." Remus answered, but Sirius cut him off.

"This is not a little bet! This is the ultimate battle to determine who is the true master of the eggs!" He flared out his arms in a dramatic gesture, then glared at them for not answering him the euphory that he seemed this kind of announcement deserved.

"So you have an eating contest." Dorcas asked innocently and stole some of the eggs on her own plate.

Sirius looked at her scandalized. Lily wasn't sure if it was because of her words or her open egg thieved.

"Pretty much." Remus agreed with a shrug.

"Blasphemy!" Sirius shouted at his friend.

James meanwhile was back at the table and sat down next to Peter, after somehow pushing the extra bowls on the table. Sulfia rose an eyebrow. "You don't plan to take part in this, do you Potter?"

Sulfia didn't call him Potter often and normally only when she was pissed at him. James seemed to know this as well because he looked up sheepishly and scratched his own neck. "Well…" He started carefully.

"Because that would surely mess up your diet plan, wouldn't it?"

Lily giggled into her hand at Sulfia's judging look. If Lily was sure of one thing that Sulfia would remember even longer than her own great sin of not dutifully updating Sulfia about her relationship status it was that one time, when James in a Quidditch training frenzy, as Dorcas called it, made a new diet plan for every team member and by doing this may have suggested that Sulfia was eating too much fat and sugar.

Form the look on James' face he knew this looked from his friends to the scrambled eggs to Sulfia. For a moment his face flicked to different emotions, from surprise, a hint of fear, concentrated pondering and resignation, before his face broke into a wide grin and snapped his fingers.

"And that is why I'm the judge and not a competitor in this challenge."

Sulfia acknowledged that with a hint of a smile, while Sirius looked betrayed.

"Hush you." James told Sirius. "You three will do great and we need a judge anyway to remind you that it doesn't count if you eat so messy that half of everything lands beside you."

"Three?" Dorcas asked and stole some of the egg onto her plate. "Remus, you take part in this?"

Remus blushed at the question, but Sirius didn't give him a chance to answer. "Take part? He is our sitting champion, that we have to unthrone!"

"That's true. We trained up Peter to actually be a real challenger for him. He's our only hope." James added, patting Peter on the back.

"Hey, I'm in this race too, and have as much of a chance as Peter!" Sirius claimed pouting.

"Of course you are." James hurried to reassure Sirius only for a second later look past him at the girls and shake his head with a pitiful expression. Dorcas giggled next to Lily and started to eat her stolen egg right there.

"You know I can see you, right?" Sirius growled.

"Of course you do." James said in the same reassuring voice as before. "Now get to your place. We are about to start." He clapped his hands and walked around his friends and stopped behind Peter. He squeezed his shoulder and said. "And remember, Remus is a fast eater and can wolf down insane amounts fast, but you're an enduarent eater, don't try to match him at the start, don't panic, just concentrate on your plate."

"So much for fair and impartial judge…" Remus answered with dry humor.

James gave him a two-finger-salute and took his place as a judge. Dorcas, Sulfia, and Lily had found themselves a seat close to the boys. It was gross and fascinating at the same time.

"A bit like a melted cauldron, you can't look away, aren't they?" Dorcas mumbled and Lily and Sulfia giggled at her words.

People around them started to cheer for different contestants. Remus was really getting a head start on the other two fast. Sirius was a terrible messy eater and Lily was sure that with all the food that landed anywhere but his mouth you could refill one or two of his emptied bowls. James seemed to thing the same considering his loud shouts about penalties for Sirius that were mixed in his couching instructions for Peter.

It seemed to pay because Remus was slowing down and Peter steadily catching up to him.

Lily caught herself grinning and rooting for Peter. Peter was getting closer and closer and at one point Lily and her friends forgot to eat themselves to follow the spectacular better.

Peter caught up and ate himself past Remus. Cheers broke out around the Gryffindor table. Sirius gave up his own eating and slapped Peter on the back and just cheered him on. And James gave up any last imitation of impartiality and pumped his fist into the air as if his favorite quidditch team just won the cup. A laugh broke past Lily's lips as she watched the antics of the boys.

Remus seemed started by Peter's success and tried to pick up his speed, but he struggled and a tortured look appeared on his face with every spoon he forced down. He rose another spoonful to his lips. His hand was shaking as he held it in front of his face. He took it in his mouth and stayed like that for a long moment before slowing starting to chew. When he swallowed he looked like he was in pain. He filled his spoon again, held it in front of his face, looked at it with disgust, then to Peter, back at the food, let it sink back down, and shook his head.

Peter took another spoonful. The Gryffindor table exploded with cheers, some money was changing hands and James hugged Peter while declaring him the winner for everybody to hear. Peter beamed at everybody's attention.

But this didn't last long. The owls arrived and everybody tensed up. Lily refused to look up, but the hushed whispers told her what was going on. The joyful group around Peter had fallen quiet as well. Some things even they couldn't laugh away.

Lily balled her fists. She wanted to shut her eyes tight and ignore everything, but she knew she had to look. Had to face reality. With a clenched jaw, she looked up. And up right under the charmed ceiling flew not one but four huge black owls. Those dreadful owls. They flew over the other normal owls and didn't land immediately but circled the hall one, two, or even three times. Lily always felt like they did it out of spit and to make sure everybody felt that dread and fear, even if the logical part of her said that it was probably just some owls that deliver letters to people they never delivered to before and you really don't want those kinds of letters to be misdelivered, still. Lily hated them.

Two were flying towards the Hufflepuff table. The students were young and the slightly older girl rushed to the younger boy. They looked similar, probably siblings.

One flew to the Slytherin table, Lily noted with grim satisfaction, because most of the time meant that whoever got killed by those bastards, took one of them with them. Lily immediately felt guilty for thinking this, but more often than not it was true. The Hufflepuffs and Slytherins glared at each other already.

And the last owl, Lily looked up to watch it, flew to Gryffindor. Lily's stomach clenched tight. She watched it as it got closer. It was heading to their end of the table. Her eyes were fixed on it. It flew along the length of the Gryffindor table. The air was squeezed out of her lungs. Silently it flapped its wings as it got closer. Her eyes stung, but she couldn't blink. It was nearly there with them. Invisible hands choked her. It spread its wings to land, right there. It felt like somebody was tearing at her heart. Its talons stretched out in front of it. She felt like she was dismantled and ripped to pieces. She felt the tips of its feathers ghost over her face as it glided just past her. She closed her eyes as air rushed back into her body. Relief filled her whole being and put her back together.

A choked scream not louder than a wimmer come from her side. Her head whipped around and she saw Dorcas. Her normal warm caramel-colored turned ashen and lost it glow. Her eyes were blown wide and she stared at the letter in front of her. Her lips trembled and she shook her head. She pushed herself back on the bench until she tumbled off it on the ground. Sulfia jumped up to kneel down next to her. Dorcas didn't even seem to notice. Her eyes were still on the letter and shimmered with tears. She shook her head again, got to her feet, and ran away.

"Dorcas!" Sulfia shouted after her. Dorcas didn't stop. Sulfia hesitated for a small moment, turned around to grab the unopened letter, and ran after her.

Lily on the other hand couldn't move. She couldn't go after Dorcas. She looked around and into the shocked and pitiful faces of the other Gryffindors. James had his hand still on Peter's shoulder but he was no longer proudly patting him or congratulating him, but gripping it so hard this his knuckles looked chalk-white and his fingers clawed into Peter's shoulder. Only when Peter winched in pain, did James seem to notice what he did and apologized shortly, but his eyes still stared at the door Dorcas and Sulfia had disappeared through. He looked angry and helpless at the same time.

Lily started to shake in her seat. She knew as a friend she should hurry after Dorcas as well. She needed her friends right now. But she couldn't. Because while she knew how tragic this was for her best friend, the biggest part of her still resonated in the relief that screamed in her head: not her family. It wasn't her family who lay dead and cold.

How could she hold her friend in comfort if her heart was still singing in relief?

A.N. I wanted to show how close the war is lurking in the background at any time for those characters. Their happiness and despair can be so close together at times. Lily here feels very conflicted about everything because while her heart breaks for her friend, she is still relieved that it isn't her family.

I hope you still liked the chapter, even if it is very depressing in the end. Please leave a review if you like.

And have a nice day and stay healthy.