It all happened too fast.
One moment, the Doctor was leading Gabby down a nice looking alien city because it could potentially have something to help ease Renata's latest pain and then the next they're running for their lives. Of course, it wasn't their fault. The Doctor, though lacking attention most of the time, never joked when it came to Renata's health. Months had passed by for them (only from their end) and most of their trips had consisted of finding potential cures for Renata and other remedies to ease her other minor chronic issues. Very seldom did they make trips for leisure - those were only done either accidentally or because Renata quite literally forced them to take one.
Right now was neither or. And it was all River Song's fault.
"I thought you said it would be easy and quick!" The Doctor shot an accusing glance at River who was running right beside him, more than gleefully too.
She laughed. She actually laughed. "Where would be the fun in that, sweetie!?"
Gabby groaned behind them. "They're trying to kill us!"
A mob was chasing them out of the city, literally. They had the traditional pitchforks in the air, only these pitchforks actually fired at them as if they were guns. It didn't seem to worry River though. She seemed more like she welcomed it.
"Well, run faster!" was her advice and was given with a scoff.
Gabby shot a glare at the woman's back. This was a younger River Song - clearly since the last one they saw had died - and Gabby honestly thought that this time things would be a little different. She didn't really get to talk to the last River in the Library and she thought that maybe the coldness between them wouldn't be a problem this time around. Maybe the last River just had an argument or something with another version of them, but no. This River made it very clear that she did not like Gabby, nor Renata for that matter. She kept taking jabs at Renata like there was no tomorrow.
"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon!" The Doctor shoved River ahead of them so he could reach back and pull Gabby forwards too. "We gotta get out of here!"
"Hard to do when the TARDIS is on the other side of the city!" Gabby reminded him.
"River's vortex manipulator can help out with that! River!"
"I can't leave without getting the gemstone first!"
"We're going to die!" Gabby cried and once again received a scoff in return.
"Oh please, it's just a bit of a run! God, you're not that boring, are you!?"
Gabby glanced at the Doctor with angry eyes, her expression telling him that this is the type of behavior she was talking about before the mob started. She'd expressed how rude River was to her even when nothing was done to provoke her. The Doctor wouldn't say it out loud but he agreed. He just couldn't understand what was the animosity that River held towards Gabby. He'd like to fix it, really, because if they were going to keep meeting her...it would be nicer if everyone got along.
"River, we're going to get killed!" He told her.
"No, sweetie, we're not! C'mon!" River reached for his arm - and in the process Gabby since he was still holding onto her - and activated her manipulator. In a flash, they had disappeared and reappeared in a secluded part of a jungle. They each fell to the ground from their running stance but they were glad to see that they had no more mob chasing them. River was the first to stand and with a grin as wide as her face could hold. "Told you," she dusted herself then reached for the Doctor's hand, without asking him, and pulled him up. She had pulled a little too hard and had his body crash into hers. "Woah there, soldier, not the time!"
Gabby had just sat upright when she caught the smirk on River's face.
"Uh, well, not really..." the Doctor quickly untangled himself from her grip and stepped back. He remembered Gabby when she cleared her throat. He spun around and helped her stand up.
"Doctor, you said we'd be getting something for Renata," she sighed once she was standing. "You said we'd visit her today."
"Of course," he said, his tone indicating that this was an obvious matter. How could he forget Renata? Never could he do that.
"Where is the little Time Lady anyways?" River muttered as she toddled with her manipulator. "Usually she'd be shrieking about how improper this type of stuff is and whatnot." She rolled her eyes. "Buzzkill that one."
"Hey, back off," barked Gabby. "She's...she's not feeling well, alright?"
River stopped at once, eyes flickering up to the Doctor specifically. "What do you mean?" There were only certain times where she was fortunate to find the Doctor traveling without Renata. "Where is she?"
The Doctor cleared his throat. He didn't really like talking about Renata's current state but he felt like this was something River would end up jotting down in that TARDIS book of hers. "She's...she's ill. She's very ill and...she can't travel in the TARDIS right now."
Gabby expected River to be somewhat worried about the news but she took it with a hum. In fact, a seconds later Gabby watched as River's lips curled into a big smile. It was satisfaction and it was infuriating. Gabby was outraged and she knew, from that moment on, that any opportunity of her having a decent relationship with River was over.
"Well, she can't always be around, right?" River clapped her hands together and grinned. "But I'm glad that you're around, Doctor. I really need you to help me find the Silva gemstone. I'm being paid to retrieve it."
"You're asking now that we've been chased off because of you?" Gabby was sure that wasn't the correct order of doing things.
River waved her off, not even looking at her. Her eyes were glued on the Doctor. "Please sweetie, I'm not stealing anything. It's a fair transaction here. What, would your precious Renata say 'don't help her'?"
"Of course not..." the Doctor said slowly, trying to figure out why River would even say something like that. Renata would never deny help to anyone, at least not anymore...because apparently he'd helped her change. That still brought a blossom of warmth to his chest each time he remembered her saying it. "We're just on a schedule here. We haven't seen Renata in a while. We don't want to waste time."
"And I waste time?" River scowled.
"I don't really know you that well," the Doctor honestly admitted. "I've only met you once before."
River blinked. It seemed like she was genuinely surprised to hear about it. "So...so this is all practically new to you? To both of you?" She finally gave Gabby the time of the day with a two-second glance.
"Yes," Gabby nodded. "And the last time we met you weren't exactly nice to me, nor Renata."
"Can you blame me?" River was quick to retort. "Actually, you do blame me."
"Well you're not exactly leaving a good impression right now."
River glared. Gabby returned the favor. The Doctor had no idea what to do with them both. He was sure that Renata would handle this better. She always knew what to do. He started to wonder how she was doing on her own. For him it had been about three months since he last saw her and it was only because he was constantly looking for a way to help stabilize her condition. For her, he hoped it would only be a few weeks at the most. He hoped she was at least comfortable.
~ 0 ~
A golden locket laid on a bed stand, untouched for several months. Renata could no longer have it on like a true widower. She'd been kidding herself for a year now and only a short time ago did she truly accept that. Still, each day when she woke up, she would gaze at it for a few minutes to remember him. He still deserved that, to be remembered.
Renata exhaled deeply before sitting upright in her bed. Her eyes gazed over her room with no emotion. It was simple, organized and anything else she would want. She tossed the covers to the side and got up. She found clothes fast since she grabbed the first thing she saw in her closet. Each day was the same. She would wake up, reminisce about her family, take a moment for herself and accept that she'd woken up to a new day again. She didn't know what else to do.
Zhe's private gallery was, in simple terms, amazing. It was beautiful and elegant and quiet. The only noises Renata occasionally heard was Zhe herself when she was working on a new art piece or those rare times where she had people over. Most of the time, though, it was just so quiet. It was what the old her, the one who lived in 1913 would want...but now she wasn't so sure.
It was perhaps ridiculous but she missed the Doctor even though he had just stopped by last week. He and Gabby had come by with a new remedy for her chest pain she was having lately. They spent the entire day with her and while it was perhaps the most boring days for someone who couldn't stay still - otherwise known as the Doctor - she had enjoyed it more than anything. It was those few moments in her life as of late where she didn't think about dying. She laughed, though short, genuinely and craved to see things...with the Doctor. It left her more than confused with what she wanted. What did she want? Did she want things to finally end and perhaps find peace in the darkness? Or would she allow herself a chance to live - truly, properly live - with the Doctor?
She didn't know. What she did know was that right now, she would really like to see him again.
"Renata, would you like something to eat?" Zhe asked when the Time Lady descended from a flight of stairs leading to the entrance of the entire gallery.
"No thanks," Renata hardly ate nowadays and that worried Zhe. Time Lord's, though very different from other species, still had to eat sometimes. This is the type of stuff that Zhe would like to report back to the Doctor, but she learned very quickly how Renata operated and her main thing right now was to keep the Doctor aloof of her declining health.
"As you sure?" Zhe asked again while Renata headed for the entrance doors. "We could make something you like?"
"No, I'm not hungry," Renata shook her head. "I'd much rather just take a walk. I feel there might be some energy combust in a few."
"In that case, let me come with you," Zhe scurried after the Time Lady. If Renata wanted to refuse, she didn't have the time. Zhe was beside her the moment she'd stepped out of the building.
Renata had taken a liking to the garden behind the penthouse. It was lined with several of Zhe's art pieces. She smiled only lightly when she remembered the last time Gabby was around. Gabby decided to start her apprenticeship with Zhe now that Renata was staying long term on the planet. It was clear that the Block Transfer was now going to be a permanent part of her so it was only right that she learned how to use it in art like it was meant to. Gabby would spend days with Zhe and Renata then would spend a few days with the Doctor in the TARDIS that remained parked in the gallery. Gabby liked to joke that she was their daughter going back and forth between homes. It brought out a couple blushes from the Time Lords, which would then make Gabby want to joke more about it. But her apprenticeship had been useful in helping Gabby control her own powers. She was expelling her power in the form of the Block Form Computation, unlike Renata who was releasing flames of energy that occasionally found a butterfly shape. Renata didn't mind, though. As long as Gabby was able to keep a good hold around her powers, Renata didn't care what happened to herself.
"You miss her, don't you?" Zhe's question broke through Renata's silent thoughts. They'd been standing in front of a statue that Gabby had been working on lately. It had no defining shape but Gabby said it was intentional. She was still working on it.
"Yes," Renata nodded. "I miss her...and the Doctor...and Donna..."
Zhe lowered her head at the mention of the companion that was lost to them. "You should take joy that she lives, though."
"What happened to Donna was a terrible thing that should happen to no one."
"But the Doctor saved her, didn't he? He wiped her memories."
"Yes but was that truly 'saving her'?" Renata closed her eyes. She was suddenly back in the TARDIS, watching Donna beg for them not to take her memories away. "Just before taking her memories, Donna reminded us that it was her choice. She was entitled to her own choice, entitled to keep her memories, but we didn't listen."
"How could you? If you hadn't done what you did, Donna would've died," Zhe pointed out. "But look at her now. The Doctor said she was living happily. She's even met some man."
"Yes but that's because we forced her into that life," Renata sighed and turned away fr Donna's statue. "Everyone's entitled to make their own choices. We made it for her. We didn't want her to die but...what if Donna preferred that than to live like a normal human again? Though it's sad, it was her choice to make. It wasn't ours. Everyone should be able to decide when they want to die."
She noticed that last bit had come out quieter. "So then...you still want to die?"
Renata didn't stop walking but she did slow down. Her gaze lowered to the green, almost blue, grass. "Perhaps. My thoughts aren't as clear as they used to be."
Zhe took that as a good sign. If she was confused then it meant there were more things she was thinking about now. "Well...I still don't quite understand why..."
"Well, let's face it, death might still happen with this energy swirling inside me," Renata wanted to remind. Each day Renata felt weaker than the previous day.
"But you could regenerate…"
"Maybe, maybe not. I honestly don't know but what I do know is that I'm not happy and no matter what I do I can't be happy. It's actually kind of frustrating."
Each time the Doctor would stop by, he'd bring her something from a recent trip he and Gabby would take. It was usually something nice, something that could pull a smile for Renata no matter how she felt that day. He would stay for hours on the planet, taking walks with Renata, letting her show him the works she'd been attempting with her powers. And each time, no matter what, they would all have dinner: she, him, Gabby and Zhe. They were lovely days that anyone should be happy with. But when all was said and done, and the Doctor and sometimes Gabby left, Renata was left with a pit in her stomach. It was a loop telling her that she shouldn't pretend, that she wasn't happy with anything. She was miserable, sour and bitter about her past lives.
This incarnation, this life...Renata was so tired of it. She'd lived 56 years with it and she couldn't think of one thing that had truly made her happy. Even meeting the Doctor again wouldn't completely pull her out of her funk. She hadn't taken meeting him very well...
"Do you ever plan on sharing this with the Doctor and Gabby?" asked Zhe a couple minutes later.
"Probably not. I don't see the need to burden them." Renata was about to make a turn back for the gallery when she doubled over in pain. Zhe hurried to help her but Renata warned her with a finger to stay away. It was starting again.
Renata could feel her insides twisting again with the overwhelming amount of energy. The Time Vortex inside her seemed endless. It would start to twist her stomach then make it hurt so that she would have to double over. Then it would start to spread all around her body, from head to toe, until she felt it burning on her palms and behind her eyes. Until finally…
Flames sprung high into the air. Renata screamed in agony each time, perhaps stronger than the time before. It would last for seconds, sometimes minutes. Her legs buckled until she'd fall to the ground.
Zhe had to shield her eyes from the blinding light but once she was able to see again she would find the same thing: Renata on the floor, half unconscious. "Renata!" she ran towards the Time Lady and dropped beside her. She gently shook Renata a couple times before Renata gave a sign she was still alive.
"Sorry…" the Time Lady apologized in a raspy voice. Her loopy eyes blinked languidly.
"I've already told you that you don't need to apologize when that happens. How are you feeling?"
"Well, I'm not dead. Don't know if that's good or bad honestly," Renata struggled to sit up until Zhe helped her. "But my stomach is in knots."
"There must be something we can give you to ease the pain," Zhe said as she helped Renata get back on her feet.
"The Doctor's already tried but it doesn't really work and I don't have the hearts to tell him that. He's always so hopeful. I'm sure that even right now, he's trying to find something new for me..."
"I just feel like we should be doing more to help you," Zhe began to make way towards the penthouse, helping Renata walk slowly along the cobblestone path. "I really thought trying to tap into the Block Transfer Computation. It helped Gabby a lot."
"Gabby's powers and mine are very different," Renata reminded. The cobblestone rocks were slightly bumpier than she remembered. "I have far too much of the Time Vortex inside of me. I-I don't think there's a way to control it."
"We have to find the right way to balance it within you," Zhe said, meaning to be optimistic about Renata's future. "I'm sure we can do it."
"It's not like the Doctor hasn't tried," Renata made another point. "We've thought about it, and I mean I truly helped, but we can't figure it out. The levels are too much. By all logic, I should be dead by now."
"Then perhaps it isn't the right time to die yet," Zhe's encouraging smile managed to pull one back from Renata. "Maybe there's something better waiting for you on this side."
"Maybe..." Renata's mind wandered to the Doctor. She had no doubt that if she were to stick around then he would make it all the more better for her.
~ 0 ~
"So this gemstone we're looking for, what exactly is it for?" The Doctor asked once they were back on the road, or rather walking on the road. River's manipulator needed more time to recharge before they could use it again. They were to walk through the jungle for the stone River needed.
River was right beside him on the narrow jungle path. Gabby was stuck behind them again and had a front row seat watching River make unnecessary swings of her hips which would cause some 'grazing' between her and the Doctor.
"Oh, just the crowned jewel of this civilization," River shrugged and reached a hand into her bag swung across her body. She pulled out a book with a bookmark sticking out. "I did my research on it and I'm pretty sure it's hidden behind a rock wall on a cave no one ever thought to look into."
"Why would you say that?" The Doctor slipped on his glasses just as River opened the book for him.
"Because the cave's supposed to have something inside that hasn't been seen in over a thousand years."
Gabby stopped walking. "What!? And you're just walking us straight into it!?"
"It's nonlethal," River shrugged. "At least for the professionals." Gabby heavily rolled her eyes. "You can stay back if you'd like."
"Oh you'd like that," Gabby mumbled and hurried to catch up.
"How did it get lost?" The Doctor was still skimming the pages River showed him. It seemed like an ordinary gemstone except for the fact it just belonged to a civilization. "And why do they suddenly want it back now?"
"Oh they're a religious bunch," River started explaining. She stopped walking and grasped his wrist, pulling him closer to her. She pointed at a few lines on the pages that he should look at. "They have some prediction coming up and they're doing a ceremony for it. Appeasing Gods and whatnot. The gemstone is crucial to the ceremony."
"And hence the hunter," the Doctor met her gaze. When had she gotten so close to his face!?
She smirked. "Huntress. I believe that's a hero on Earth."
Gabby arched an eyebrow behind them. "So you're human?"
River paid her no attention. "You up for the challenge, sweetie? I'm going to need all hands on deck for this one. Whatever's in that cave can't get out."
"It needs to be quick, River." The Doctor straightened up and thus away from River's face. He pulled his wrist out of her hand, something Gabby smiled proudly at, and handed River the book back. "I'm seeing Renata today."
River's face had gone sour at the mention of the Time snatched the book from him and dropped it into her bag. The Doctor didn't take notice as he led the way ahead. "Right, wouldn't want to make you late for a sickly visit."
Gabby fumed. "Be kind, will you?"
"Oh screw off Gabby," River started walking after the Doctor when Gabby seized her arm. "Hey! Let go!"
"Not until we get some things clear!" Gabby's eyes raged an angry purple that froze River in her spot. Gabby didn't really have control over it but she was working hard on it. Her initial link to Renata had all but faded for the moment - it was hard to tell when Renata's powers were all over the place right now - but the one thing that they did seem to share was the glowing eyes. Hers shined purple and Renata's golden. Now Gabby used her eyes to scare River for at least a minute. "You need to stop taking jabs at Renata. She's not even here!"
"I know, isn't it wonderful?" River smiled sarcastically. "Mummy's not here, too bad for you." She pulled her arm out of Gabby's hand.
"What is your problem!?"
"You. And Renata, but that one's resolved for now since she's, uh..." She feigned a cough. "You know. Too bad you're still here."
Gabby could actually feel her insides boiling with anger. "You know, I thought that maybe what happened the last time we met was just a fluke or something but no, it turns out you're just naturally mean and rude. You're terrible, actually. Taking pleasure in someone's illness? That's disgusting."
"Not if you were on my side of the time lines," River said cooly. "You're nothing but a fake - actually, you're a copycat. You so desperately want to be just like your space-mummy that even when she's not around you're the bloody same as her! You're disgusting self-righteous that it's literally beyond me how you were ever your own person before meeting Renata. I'm not a fake, sweetie. You'll find that out as the time lines shift. For now, I get to spend some time with my sweetie."
Gabby laughed. "You wish." She moved around River to catch up with the Doctor.
~ 0 ~
The trio had arrived at the sight of the cave. It was closed off with a bunch of rocks, like the remnants of an avalanche. The Doctor immediately examined the area while River and Gabby looked around for a clue on how to get in. Eventually, the two found their way back to where the Doctor was. Well, River did first which then brought Gabby back. She swore that River was looking for any excuse to touch the Doctor. Exhibit A was right now.
River had her diary in one hand while the other hand was on the Doctor's chest, supposedly reading something out of the diary.
"Oh for the love of..." Gabby heaved a heavy sigh and stomped towards the pair. At least the Doctor looked thoroughly uncomfortable.
"So you see, we have done a hunt like this before," River said as she snapped her diary shut. "No need to panic, sweetie. I'm here."
"Yeah...I wasn't panicking," the Doctor stepped back to put some air between them. He glanced at the closed cave. "I was just nervous."
"Nervous about what?" Gabby came up to the two. She followed his gaze to the cave and saw absolutely no way inside. There was only one tiny hole to peer into.
"I thought I saw something..." the Doctor came up to the hole to look into again. There were lights inside, colorful ones, but there was no noise. The lights flickered in and out. "What is this cave, River?"
"Oh, something about mining?" River said, coming up behind him. "It's supposed to be full of something lethal to the aliens which is why they hired me to come get their gemstone."
"Did they tell you what it was?"
"Not really. I stopped listening when they started throwing useless numbers."
"And how is that working out for us now?" Gabby shook her head.
"I never back down from a challenge," River said, her gaze keenly stuck on the Doctor as if she'd meant that in another way...
"You could be serious, you know, for once in your life." Gabby came to stand beside her.
"Yeah, tried that, ever so boring."
"You should try it. It might make you a little more tolerable."
River huffed and turned to face Gabby. "This coming from the most insufferable person I have ever known."
"Oh, that's rich!"
The Doctor winced each time Gabby and River insulted each other. This wasn't getting them any quicker to the stone and much less to seeing Renata again. He didn't know what to do with either of them. This was rather childish coming from both sides - it was a whole other side of Gabby he had never seen before and could really go without seeing it again. It also made him wonder how old River was because this seemed just as childish coming from her end too.
"You better put that thing down or I'll punch you right here and now!" Gabby was in the middle of threatening when the Doctor came back to the present.
He spun around to see River holding her TARDIS diary in a threatening manner. He was baffled by the sight. "Hey! Hey! Hey! Stop it!" He yelled at both of them. Gabby had often joked how she could pass off as a daughter of their space family and right now the Doctor couldn't help but feel like anything but a father ending children's fights. "River, you wanted help for this stone? Then help! And Gabby - act like your age, please! What would Renata say if she saw you acting like this?"
Gabby looked down. She felt a flush of embarrassment realizing what had just happened. "Sorry..." She just couldn't help arguing with River, not when there were so many wrong things coming out of the woman's mouth.
"Quite right," River hated to agree. She put her diary away and focused on the cave in front of them. "Okay, so there's a way to open the cave. Some sort of secret key."
"What would that be?" The Doctor gestured for her to try something.
"Something small to fit into that hole," she made a nod towards it.
"Under a rock?" Gabby offered. River laughed at her on the spot. Gabby's face fell flat as she looked at the Doctor and gestured towards River. 'This is what I mean' she mouthed.
The Doctor nodded. "River," he sharply called to her.
"Oh c'mon, that was ridiculous!" River wiped away an imaginary tear from her face. "What? Opening up a cave that hasn't been opened in thousands of year with a key we find under a rock?"
Gabby huffed and started looking around for anything that seemed out of the ordinary. The rocks in front of the cave seemed tight and secure in a fashioned manner. There were a few outlying rocks on the ground but she spotted one that seemed just a shade darker of brown. She walked up to it and tried picking it up only to find it was 'stuck'. She bent down in front of it and used both of her hands to pull it up. After a few tries, it finally came undone.
She picked up the silver circle reminiscent of a pendant. It was thin but it seemed like the perfect fit for the hole in the cave. She turned around, about to rub it in River's face when she saw the woman had moved on from laughing.
"Unbelievable," she mumbled under her breath.
The Doctor was trying to put some new distance between him and River since the woman had commented that his hair was sticking out oddly. She was trying to fix it. Just as she was reaching one of the tips, she felt something cold slap the side of her face.
With a few blinks, she pulled something off her cheek and found a silver circle on her palm. She glanced at a smirking Gabby.
"I found the key."
"Excellent!" The Doctor snatched the key right out of River's hands and hurried to the cave.
Gabby sent a wink at River and came to the Doctor's side. "You think it'll help?"
The Doctor was very careful as he placed the circle key over the hole. Gabby had never seen him work so slowly and patiently - except when it came to Renata of course - and to her amazement, the cave shook. The Doctor was quick to yank her backwards as the shaking continued.
"What's happening?" River searched for any sign of foul play. She was half expecting booby-traps to start up now.
"I think we did it," the Doctor beamed when the rocks in front of the cave started sliding as one, like a door.
"Marvelous, well done sweetie," River walked towards it, ignoring the Doctor's cry to stop in case of a trap. "Be adventurous, Doctor! Renata's not here to kill the fun!"
"That's it!" Gabby stomped her foot and hurried after her, leaving the Doctor to follow in a quick sprint to stop whatever would transpire between the women again.
River had already stopped inside the cave when she saw what was inside. It forced Gabby and the Doctor to do the same. The cave was dark but with glimmering lights on either side of them.
"What are they?" Gabby was enthralled with the beautiful, color lights. She was sure that Renata would love them if she was there.
"They're lethal," River reminded her, briefly surprising Gabby because it was meant as caution. Maybe she did care just a tiny bit.
"For the aliens who hired you," the Doctor whispered distractedly. He was following up on one precise light that seemed to shine just a bit more than the others. "For us..."
"Doctor," River quickly called to him once she saw his hand reaching for the light.
He had already grabbed onto it. He gave a light pull and ended up holding a white crystal in his hand. He turned it over and the light died down. One more turn and the light came back.
"They're crystals," Gabby realized, a light smile pulling at her lips. "Oh my God, they're crystals!"
"Well great but I'm not looking for any damn crystal. I'm looking for the Silva Gemstone!" River shook her head and started walking down the cave. She was delighted to see something at the very end of the cave shining a dazzling green, something that none of the crystals did.
~ 0 ~
Zhe wasn't one for technology. After her disastrous attempt to create 2 apprentices using her block transfer computation abilities and machinery, she vowed to stick with the traditional ways. But ever since Renata arrived to her retreat, Zhe had made a few adjustments so that Renata would be safe. One new adjustment included a communication system between them and the TARDIS, so no matter where or when the Doctor was he would always be one call away. This sort of communication was made specifically for Zhe to report to the Doctor whenever Renata didn't want to say anything about her health. It seemed like the Doctor knew Renata well enough.
After making sure Renata was asleep, Zhe went into her personal office to conduct another review session with the Doctor. As always, he answered the video call on the first ring. Only this time he seemed a little out of breath.
"Doctor, are you alright?" Zhe watched him exhale rather deeply.
"Yes, yes, just a had to run for a bit. All good now. Is Renata okay?"
At once, Zhe once the artist began to explain Renata's latest energy expelling. "Yes, I suppose," she sighed. "She's resting. She does that a lot, actually. Doctor, if I'm being honest here, I'm worried about her. Her health has shown no progress. The only thing we've managed to do is to get her to self-combust a few times less, but she's still doing it nonetheless. And it seems like each time it hurts her even more."
The Doctor agreed as well. The times he'd been around when Renata would suddenly expel energy, it was hard to watch. Her shrill screams of pain brought chills to anyone who could hear. "I keep working on finding a cure but...I've got nothing." And it pained him to admit that he was that useless. Renata hadn't died in the Crucible but if things kept going at the pace they were now, she would die by the end of the year. And the question of whether or not she would regenerate was still up in the air. He had no idea if regeneration was still an option for her.
"And it's not just her health I'm talking about, Doctor," Zhe sighed, hoping she would be able to word it right and not disclose what Renata had entrusted in her. "Renata's….Renata's spirits are very low. I think the whole situation is taking a toll on her."
Of course it would. The Doctor wasn't very surprised to learn. It would only be a matter of time until Renata felt the weight of it all fall on her shoulders.
"I think it's important that we raise her spirits or it won't matter what we do with her health," Zhe said and not a second later did Gabby appear on the screen.
Gabby shoved the Doctor to the side, leaving Zhe to hear the yelps of the man off screen. "I have an idea!" Zhe could only smile at Gabby's excitement. She was such a lively girl yet could be so shy sometimes it didn't seem like she was the same person. "I'm almost finished with my statue that I've been working on."
The Doctor wandered behind her on the screen, one hand placed over the back of his neck. She was a pretty strong girl. "You mean the one you nearly bit my hand off for?"
Gabby looked up behind her. "If you weren't so nosy, that wouldn't have happened." She then returned her gaze to the smiling Zhe. "Anyways, you were offering an official unveiling of my first official Block Transfer Statue sooo...maybe we could make a little gathering and have Renata help organize stuff." Her eyes flickered to the Doctor again with a knowing smile on her face. "You said Renata used to run a charity back then and she loves to plan things. That should help right?"
The Doctor softly smiled down at her. "I think it would."
"Plus," Gabby's smile turned into a smirk, a sneaky smirk, "I really think my statue is going to help Renata."
"Why? What is it?" the Doctor asked and almost immediately regretted it with Gabby's warning glare. "Alright, never mind!"
Gabby shook her head at him. "So, Zhe, would it be okay if we did that here?"
Zhe nodded. "Of course. I think it would be a fantastic idea. Shall I tell Renata-"
"No, we'll be dropping by in..." The Doctor disappeared from the screen and a few seconds later, Zhe started hearing the TARDIS wheezing from a distance.
~0~
Hearing that she had visitors made Renata spring from her bed like a child would. Rest be damned! She went criss-cross in her bedroom trying to find something nice to wear. She pulled on a long white dress that was rather comfortable. Gabby had left it behind for her in one of their visits, claiming that it was just right for her. She then grabbed a cream colored wool cardigan that reached down her waist. Nowadays she felt a little more cold when she wasn't feeling the excessive warmth from her energy expelling.
She couldn't do much with her hair. These days it was so unruly! She tried her best at keeping half up and half down but she was thoroughly disappointed when she saw the outlying strands in the mirror.
"Ren?" She jumped when she heard Gabby knocking on her door. "Are you okay in there?" Renata knew what Gabby was trying to ask without actually doing it. Had she had another energy expelling?
"I'm okay," she answered and gave the green-light for Gabby to come in.
She was ecstatic to see the Time Lady standing and relatively alright. "What's taking so long? The Doctor's just barely hanging onto patience waiting outside. I thought I'd come in to see if you needed help or something."
Renata shook her head, her face flushed with embarrassment. "I'm just trying to loo..." She trailed off when another surge of heat hit her. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror.
Gabby smirked when she realized what Renata was trying to say. She'd been trying to look nice for a certain Time Lord. "I think you look nice. Very pretty...and autumnish..."
Renata blushed. "Thank you."
Gabby chuckled and took her into a big hug. "Oh, I've missed you."
"How long has it been for you two?" Renata curiously asked.
"About 3 months," Gabby pulled away to offer Renata an apologetic smile. "The Doctor thought he had a lead on a potential cure and time sort of got away from us." Both she and the Doctor had agreed not to mention their last trip to Renata. The topic of River Song was still pretty raw for them and Renata still felt terrible that she had died for them in the Library. There was no point in making her feel worse when her health was at risk.
"You don't need to explain to me, Gabriella," Renata patted down Gabby's dark curls. Where ever she had come from must have been an interesting trip. "I'm happy that you and the Doctor are doing just fine without me. It leaves me with the knowledge that you and him would be alright if I-"
"Please don't finish that," Gabby literally felt her heart break at the mere suggestion that one day Renata wouldn't be with them anymore. It brought tears to her eyes, even more so when she remembered that Donna had already left them and not by her choice either.
Renata cradled Gabby's head and smiled warmly at her. "No tears Gabriella. Tell me what you've seen in these past months. I'm sure I must have missed a few things, right?"
Gabby nodded. "Right, right..."
She would describe a few of their trips that didn't end badly. She was quick enough to tell the tales on their way out of the gallery to the back garden where the Doctor would be waiting for them. Once Renata met the Doctor's gaze, Gabby knew it was time to stop telling stories.
"Renée," the Doctor stepped towards her with a big ole smile on his face.
Gabby was outright bemused that he could look like he was seeing Renata for the first time each time they stopped by. She wondered if that's what happened when you were in love.
"I heard you've had some fun lately," Renata said as she took a step towards him.
For a moment, the Doctor panicked thinking Gabby had told her about meeting River again. He crossed gazes with Gabby who immediately shook her head at him. She knew what he was thinking about specifically: their goodbye with River.
Such a dreadful woman, thought Gabby. The nerve she had trying to give the Doctor a kiss goodbye. Even though she claimed it was a kiss on the cheek, Gabby knew better than to believe her. She only said it because she got caught.
"We've um, we've had a few trips here and there," the Doctor said once he knew that Renata was solely talking about the good trips he and Gabby had together. "But I've been searching for ways to help you too."
"I know that," Renata said, her tone lowering. "But you shouldn't waste so much time." She looked between him and Gabby. "I don't want you two cooping yourselves up because of me. Take the trips you want, have fun. Don't let me stop you."
"We can do both," Gabby said sternly. The Doctor nodded in agreement. "And actually, I was thinking that it's time I stuck around a bit more in the gallery."
"Oh?" Renata set her eyes on the Do ctor, silently asking if he had suggested that to keep an eye on her.
"It's my idea, Ren," Gabby said. "I want to unveil my first statue publicly. I talked to Zhe already and she has some ideas. I just wanted to see if you would help organize things. I know you used to run a charity and...well, you love organizing events."
Renata's smile was more than answer to her suspicions. "I do, actually."
"And she's very good at them," the Doctor said proudly. Renata blushed. "I'm sure she'll make your unveiling wonderful."
Gabby thought so too. "Will you do it, Ren?"
"Of course I will," Renata nodded. "Anything specific you wanted?"
"No! You can make all the choices, I fully trust you!" Gabby practically dove to hug Renata, the force of her hug nearly knocking Renata back. The Time Lady just laughed, albeit a raspy one but a laugh nonetheless. "I'm so excited about this!"
"I'll get started right away, then," Renata promised when Gabby pulled away.
"And I'll go set the date with Zhe so you know exactly how much time there is to plan!" Gabby exclaimed. "Give you two some time!"
"Somebody's excited," the Doctor when Gabby was gone, along with the noise of her running footsteps.
"Let her, she's so adorable," Renata fixed her hair and part of her dress after Gabby's wild hug. "And she truly deserves this, so…" She turned around to face him. Her hands once again went to her hair thinking about the strands she wasn't able to command. Would he notice them?
"...hello," he said suddenly. It was the only word that came to mind after staring at her beautiful form. She was so different nowadays and it wasn't because of her illness. Things were different and they both knew it. Long ago she was a sharp, classy Time Lady who would never in her life allow anyone to see her less than properly dressed. He considered her look today just as beautiful as any other day. She just seemed more natural. It was as if the sharp dressing, the rules that she was used to when it came to picking clothes, had been abandoned in favor of something she truly liked. Even her hair was different now. It wasn't thoroughly brushed but her waves were still prominent.
"Hi..." Renata felt the air leave her as the Doctor continued to stare at her. She took a step forwards, her fingers nervously grasping the baggy sleeves of her cardigan.
The Doctor couldn't take it. He pulled her against him for a hug. Renata was surprised but she quickly retreated closer to him, her arms wrapping around him like she hadn't seen him in years. She even let her eyes close as her head came to rest over his shoulder. She was painfully aware that each time he came by, it could be the last time she would see him. And it was in those moments that she wondered if letting herself die would be better than this. She spent so much time fighting with herself that she couldn't - that she shouldn't - be with the Doctor that now that there was a possible chance he might want to be with her...she was at a total loss.
The Doctor's arms wrapped around Renata's slightly more slim body tightly. He noticed that each time he saw her she seemed like she was getting skinnier. Zhe did mention her loss of appetite was getting stronger. He wasn't being quick enough to find her a cure. He was failing her and he couldn't do that to her again. The anger he held for her was slowly fading away each time he saw her and realized that if she got better...there could be a future for them. A future of total freedom and love.
"I'm okay, Doctor," he heard Renata's quiet whisper.
He snapped back to the present and held her tighter. Realizing she was basically slipping from him was a terrible torture. He couldn't lose her again. "You will be," he promised her.
Renata lifted her head off his shoulder to look up at him. "Tell me where you've been," she said, her voice still but a whisper. "Tell me what new adventures you've had."
The Doctor brought one of his hands to the side of her head. His fingers gently pushed back some of her strands of hair. "I've got something for you."
"Again?" She asked, her cheeks blushing pink. "You don't have to bring me anything, you know."
"You can't travel with me right now so I have to bring back something from the travels."
"Well, right, but...I just don't want you to go out of your way for me. I'm content with hearing your stories."
And he was very content watching the way her eyes would lit up with excitement each time he showed her his newest gift to her. As much as she claimed that traveling was just not her thing, she sure loved learning about the new objects he brought her. "Come," he let go of her only to take her hand and lead her to the small steps of the porch. He carefully helped her sit down before taking his seat. "Now this one was sort of a surprise. Didn't really go looking for it."
"That's not very surprising," Renata mused. She watched his hand search for the gift inside his jacket. "You never go looking for trouble, right?"
He smiled wryly. "Of course." He pulled out a white crystal in the shape of a small pillar. It was the same one he had first plucked from the cave earlier in the day. "Now this is a special type of crystal..."
Renata was mesmerized by its flecks of brilliant colors. It twinkled as the Doctor held it between them. "What makes it so special?" She wondered.
"Well, I found it in a cave that hasn't been opened in a thousand years and it shined more than all the other crystals inside."
"Ah, right, that makes it special alright," Renata chuckled. "How did you come across it?"
"Um...by accident," the Doctor shrugged. It wasn't a lie, technically. "But I thought that it could find a home with you now."
"You should keep it, though. You found it after all."
"And I think it belongs with you," the Doctor took her hand and dropped the crystal on her palm. He delicately grazed his fingers over the crystal and it suddenly shot out a beam of light above them. It expanded to show them twinkling stars.
"Oh wow..." Renata's head whipped in every direction trying to catch sight of each star in the air. She was in utter awe. "That's beautiful."
"Mhm," the Doctor agreed, but his eyes weren't on the stars. He was watching her take in the stars. A long time ago, on Gallifrey, this is what he dreamed of when he thought of him and Renata venturing into the world. Once again the anger he'd felt towards her seemed so senseless. He shouldn't waste time again, not when the world was offering him a rare second chance.
From inside, Gabby had come back to check on them but stopped at once when she saw them in their little bubble of bliss. She smiled warmly at them. She was sure that no matter who or what tried to cut between them, no one would ever be successful. No one could tear them apart.
~ 0 ~
As much as Renata tried to push through, her weakened state always demanded that she rest in-between the day. The Doctor knew it, Zhe knew it, Gabby knew it...she was the last one to find out.
"I can really make something for us to eat," she said even as the Doctor had to physically lead her to her room. "I always make dinner for us..."
"Right, yes, but tonight you need to sleep. We're okay, trust me," he stopped by her closed door. "But we'll be back tomorrow, I promise. Gabby's going to want to stop by more often and she'll be staying, so...you'll be seeing more of us."
"I hope so," Renata said truthfully. "I know you hate it but I want to soak up every last moment I have."
"No," the Doctor refused to even think about such an idea. She wouldn't have to do that because things weren't going to end the way she thought they would. "You're going to get better. I will find a way."
Renata's smile was a sad one. "That's exactly what I mean. I don't want you to get so obsessed over this. It's okay. I've...I've made my peace with it."
"No!" the Doctor continued, shaking his head fervently. "Because-because we don't even know if regeneration is still an option. What if-what if you don't reg…?" he couldn't even finish the sentence. He didn't want to think about it.
But Renata had long thought about it. She put her hands on his cheeks. "If I don't, it's okay. You won't be alone because Gabriella is going to be with you. Plus, you have Martha, Jack and hey, you even have Mickey now. Martha says he's a really good guy. And who knows? You might even find some new companions out there!"
It was hard not to get angry. The Doctor pushed her hands off his face and frowned. "I am not accepting that. I've lost you one too many times and I'm not interested in a repeat. I hate endings so I'm gonna make sure there's no ending here."
"Doc…" Renata was midway through her call when he stormed away.
~ 0 ~
Gabby wasn't that surprised the conversation between the Doctor and Renata didn't turn out well. It wouldn't be the first time. Gabby just didn't understand why they continued to do this to each other. She wondered if it was because they just loved each other so much that they didn't know what to do with it anymore.
"You sure you don't want him to come back so you can talk to him again?" Gabby sat on the foot of the bed next to Renata.
The blonde Time Lady shook her head. "No, there's no point. Plus, it's better this way. I don't want him getting too attached when things go south for me."
Gabby gave her friend crestfallen glance. "You're that sure you're going to die?"
"I always like being realistic, Gabriella. It's always been like this," Renata got up from the bed with a heavy sigh.
Gabby watched as the Time Lady wobbled on her feet when she was only walking to the bed stand. It saddened Gabby that such a menial action was now such a challenge for Renata.
"But I've done a very good job at hiding it," Renata came up to the bed stand where she gingerly picked up her golden locket. Her eyes flickered to the night stand on the other side of the bed where she had placed the crystal pillar the Doctor had just brought her.
"But that's just it," Gabby shifted on the bed to face Renata's direction. "You don't need to do that anymore. Everything's out on the table now." Renata briefly met Gabby's gaze and with the intensity of it, Gabby's smile began to fade. "...isn't it?"
Renata said nothing and returned her gaze to the locket in her hand. She didn't want Gabby to know about her intentions of letting herself die if her body couldn't withstand the energy inside her.
"You know," Gabby began a minute later, "I've noticed you don't wear that locket anymore."
"Yeah, so what? I just...don't think Elek deserves that anymore. He doesn't deserve a lying widower."
"Renata, I'm curious, have you always been this hard on yourself?" Gabby sighed when Renata didn't answer. "I feel...I feel like you're so used to drowning that you've forgotten how to swim. You can pull yourself back up."
Renata shut her eyes for a moment as tears threatened to spill from them. Gabby had struck a good point that brought up the fact: she didn't know how to pull herself back up. She never learned how. The mistakes she made on Gallifrey were irreparable now that it was gone. There was never a chance for her to make up for all the wrong things she did and because of it, she only became harder on herself for them.
She had drowned a long time ago. Could she ever come back?
Author's Note:
Originally this chapter was about 4500 words and at the last moment I got a new vision and added like 5k more words. The mind works in mysterious ways I guess. I've been wanting to bring River back before 10 goes because it always struck me why on Earth River would ask in the Library about adventures she clearly had with 11. Like she wouldn't mistake 11's face for 10 or vice versa. But it was clear that she'd seen 10 at some point and I always figured it was around the time of the specials when it happened soo...here it was. And yes, if you thought the arguments between her and Gabby was childish, that was the point and it sets up for the next time they see River in the next story. Renata's not going to let it slip like the Doctor did.
But poor Ren, I feel so bad writing her in this funk but I really feel it's the only way she could be after everything. It's all finally caught up with her and she has no idea what to do with herself. Does she want to die? Yes, maybe. Does she want to be with the Doctor? Yes. Can she be happy? No clue how.
P. S: I have a tumblr account dedicated to my fanfic works! It's also a place where anyone can comment about a story or even just talk to me! I often drop aesthetic work belonging to my stories too! Feel free to check it out, my URL is "noble-crescent" and the tag I created for any posts having to do with my work is # noblecrescentedit.
For the Reviews:
afionna262: She needs to find some peace desperately. She deserves it. Thank youu!
lexicaruso: So sorry! I got stuck in a funk for the next story and I made myself swear that I wouldn't update this story until I finished the other chapter and I did. Now I'm back to looking for new comic stories to incorporate for the next story. I'm sorry for the heartbreaking, I think this is my only DW OC to be written in that phase and I feel terrible about it. She's in a real struggle to find what she wants. She wants both of them but at different times. She's just so lost. I will say that she's not going to TRY anything. She's at the point where she's leaning towards accepting what nature will do to her. And like I said, Waters of Mars will happen off screen but Ren will have a talk with the Doctor about it. He'll be naturally ashamed of it with her, especially because of her 'properness' he still believes she is. Thank you so much!
HannahHPandDWfanJones: Thank you so much! It's hard writing things like this but I'm super proud I've been able to pull it off.
The Time Lord Oracle: Yup, this time around I wrote Rose in a better light. I don't like jealous Rose either . We'll have to wait to see what happens with dear old Ren...
DarkSideofParis: I am SOOOO sad about Donna too. I hate writing her and her ugly departure but **sniff** it had to be done. Oooh you have no idea how long this ending will stick with them. There's a chapter dedicated to it in the next story. Donna can't ever remember them but THEY will remember her forever. The exploration of the powers Ren and Gabby hold will be fun to look into, honestly. From the small bit we got above, we know that they're not entirely linked anymore but it's still up in the air until (and if) Renata gets a better hold on her powers. I won't have Renata trying anything so we won't be seeing that. I've kind of written it so that she's kind of so confused that at this point she's inclined to letting whatever happen, happen. It's all a mess .. As always, thank youu!
smilin steph: Sorrryyyyyy. Cliffhangers are kind of my thing...
savethemadscientist: Thank you so much! This chapter is more of a filler but I do like where I've placed each of the characters. It's the next chapter that has more angst .