Hellooooo everybody! Welcome back, thank you for all the love and support this past year, truly means the world to us.
As promised, I'm here to give you the warnings for this chapter.
Depictions of self-harm ARE in this chapter. Getting to the darker bits here which we'll be riding through for a few chapters to follow, just to give ya'll a heads up.
Also, FF is still messin up where it's pulling out words or sentences. I did my best to refill them, but please excuse gaps if you happen to come across them when reading.
As always, thank you again and we'll see you on the first of July!
Season 2, Episode 16.
"Wyatt! Say something!" Kai begged as the quivering body in his arms only wept.
The gloved hands came away from Wyatt's face to show the dark circles and deranged, traumatized, look on his face as the pitiful sounds that came out his mouth haunted Kai more than the twisted laugh that had belted out of him mere minutes before.
"You guys aren't mad at me? You guys are the best..." He drawled out, dazed.
Odd thing to say really, but Kai could care less.
He let out a sigh of relief. Nothing mattered now."It's good to have you back, buddy..."
A few moments of stunned silence passed by, holding him a little tighter since his skin had a blueish tinge.
"Kai... Sorry I..." He drifted off weakly as his eyes dulled and body drooped.
Tyson's face turned angry behind them. "They used you against us!"
"And the bitbeast they created is even stronger now than it was when they started! And when they started it was incredibly powerful!" Kenny added, just to add to the panic.
Kai growled, gripping his blade. None of what happened between him and Wyatt mattered any more. Someone had hurt someone he'd let himself grow to care for. And nothing was going to stop him getting even.
He gently set Wyatt down a second as he stood. "They can't do this..." His voice spat out angrily, "I won't let them!"
"...Guys?!" Kenny's voice shrieked out, putting his vow of vengeance on hold for the moment as he spun around.
Kenny was at Wyatt's side with his fingers pressed on his neck. "I-I don't think he's breathing!"
Kai felt a fear he'd never felt in his life, flinging himself back and dropping to his knees to shove Kenny out the way. What did he know? He was a computer nerd!
"Move!" He barked, pressing his own fingers to his neck and waiting before every cell of blood drained from him. "Call an ambulance!" He yelled, pure panic written all over him.
They all frantically fumbled to get their phones out, Tyson being the fastest and calling the emergency services.
"They'll be here any minute!" Tyson yelled uncontrollably.
Kai carried on pushing down on his chest with tears streaming down his face. That was too long!
"Wyatt! Come on! Wake up!" He begged far more urgently than before, "I'll teach you whatever the hell you want just wake up!"
Wyatt didn't wake up. But the ambulance did come minutes later, and Wyatt was quickly lifted in with the noise of the paramedics and their equipment sending everything spinning.
Kai insisted on going with him, not taking no for an answer, while the others made their own way there as quickly as they could, with a phone call to Grampa made as they ran.
Arriving to the hospital well after the ambulance had taken Kai and Wyatt, the others were directed to a waiting area where they met back up with Kai already sitting there along with Grandpa. The others huddling in around the two in the chairs provided.
The second Ray's ass touched the seat his hand went out to Kai's back, hoping it gave him some sort of comfort through this entire thing but had no real words to say at the moment.
Kai shook beneath his touch, not really taking in they had all arrived.
What the hell happened?! He'd just been over powered, hadn't he?! Just exhausted... So why had his heart stopped? And why the hell was there no news yet?!
"Is... Is he going to be okay?" Hilary asked in a shaky voice two seats away from Kai, stuck between Grandpa and Tyson.
"How would I know?! No one is telling us!" Kai yelled at her as soon as the words left her mouth.
They all coiled back at the explosion, how were they to know what had happened since it took them so long to get there?
"I'm sorry..." Hilary muttered back, pulling her legs up under her on the chair and hugging them.
Ray's hand went to work on Kai's back instead of just sitting there not doing anything, Gramps having been touching up around Kai's shoulder blades the entire time. Hopefully having two hands on him didn't make Kai more upset, but Ray still didn't know what to say right now and it didn't look like Gramps did either.
Maybe that was for the better anyways, to just have everyone be quiet and wait it out till they were told something.
Kai growled, feeling restless and amped as well as crippled with worry. He wriggled his back to get them off to stand up shakily.
"I'm gonna find someone. This is ridiculous..." He fired out quickly.
"They'll come and tell us when they're ready, K-dog. You go on off and start causin a problem they'll kick you out." Gramps said quickly as Kai stood up, "There aint nothin we can do but wait it out, they'll come when they come."
Kai spun around to him. "And what am I supposed to do?! Just sit here?!"
"What else are we supposed to do?" Max genuinely asked while Gramps just nodded back to him.
"If ya want to go out and get some air then go for it, we'll let ya know if the doc shows up to let us know somethin." Gramps added.
Kai nodded. "Yeh..." He agreed as he head a few steps to the door before turning back, "No... I'll stay here..." He backtracked, going to sit down again. Was it him or was the damn room spinning?
"No! Air!" He shrieked angrily for no reason in particular and jumped up again, storming out.
"Should.. Should someone go with him?" Hilary asked as they all watched him leave.
"Not right away, let him breathe for a bit on his own." Ray answered, sitting back into his chair as he kept his eyes on the doorway Kai had just disappeared through.
Kai gripped the wall with his back and the palms of his hands, the fresh air only feeling like it was giving him vertigo or something.
This was awful... The whole thing was horrible. The ambulance there was so fast and yet felt like it was never ending. All the tubes and beeping and people barking stuff he didn't understand at each other while they scrambled over his friend turning bluer by the second. And all he could do was sit back and watch helplessly.
Why the hell would Wyatt of all people get mixed up with those guys...?
'You will never defeat me, Wyatt!' He squeezed his eyes shut to block his own voice from his head, a storm of nausea brewing inside him as the guilt hit hard.
As the others sat inside the waiting room, watching the time tick by and looking between each other just as quietly while they gave Kai some space, the internal questions came flooding in their own heads.
Though neither of them could really form answers to any of their own questions, much less voice them to one another.
As the time kept ticking down, Ray finally pushed himself out of his chair to go and find Kai, getting slightly worried for his safety with how long he'd been gone now. Happy and more than relieved to find him outside, even if he hated that look on his face currently.
"They still haven't come in yet." He informed as Kai gave him a questioning look."Just came to check on you, see if you needed anything."
Kai shook his head at him. "Just to know he's all right... That's all I need. But thanks."
Ray gave a small nod back, "Maybe they're trying to contact his parents first or something, and that's why they haven't said anything to us yet?" He pitched.
Kai nodded hard. That was plausible! Of course they'd notify his parents first! That would cause a delay.
"Yeh. Yeh! That's probably it!"
"Okay, well if you need anything." Ray said as he went to leave him alone, not wanting to crowd him too much now that he knew he was slightly okay for the time being.
Kai followed behind him like a pumped up, anxious duckling. He didn't want to be in there, but didn't want to be here either. At least in there he wasn't alone. Ray smiled a little at him following, though didn't say anything as he led them back into the waiting area with the others.
As they approached, Ray's body tensed slightly as his eyes caught sight of a white lab coat and a shiver ran down his spine as their teammates watering eyes all looked up at the two of them.
He didn't like that, didn't like how the air felt heavier or the way the doctor had turned around to address the two of them once they barely made it over the threshold.
"Evening boys." The doctor smiled sadly, "Please, come in and sit down." He gestured at their empty seats.
Kai froze in his spot, feeling exactly how Ray did. His heart slowed in his chest while his stomach dropped. It was only because Ray pulled his arm to guide him with him to the chair that he moved.
The smiling doctor turned back around to face them all once they were seated. Gramp's hand went back down on Kai's back quietly between his shoulder blades again. Ray kept his hold on Kai's arm as he pressed their shoulders together as closely as he could with the armrests in the way. Attention focused on the doctor.
"I'm so sorry for the delay, it took some time to inform Mr. Smithwrights parents." He started, clearing his throat some as he watched the teens eyes water even harder before him.
"I'm also very sorry to inform you that Mr. Smithwright, unfortunately, didn't make it."
At that instant, a bubble formed around Kai. He heard what the doctor said. The sounds went through his ears. But that was all it was. Sound. He sat and stared at him, showing nothing in particular.
"Again, I'm really sorry for your loss." The doctor spoke amongst the soft sniffling coming off Max and Hilary.
"Thank you." Gramps spoke up, seeing as how the little dudes and dudette went quiet and rightfully so.
The doctor gave a gentle nod before being on his way, leaving them in the tense silence and sniffling as tears ran down a few of their faces. Ray's attention quickly went to Kai, his thumb running against his arm as he studied his face though couldn't read him at the moment which was understandable.
Kai still didn't move. Stunned to stillness and the sounds still hanging in his head. At the thumb moving on his arm, his head turned blankly to stare at him instead of the door.
With no words to really say, Ray could only stare back at him almost just as blankly. He gave his arm a gentle squeeze before letting go and clasping his hand instead, keeping a loose hold as his thumb went back to work over the back of Kai's glove.
The blank staring lasted a few moments longer before the sounds finally filtered through and the meaning computed. Quiet devastation spread across his face and shone from his eyes, the blank expression slowly morphing into something crushed. A guttural sound heaved out his throat as suddenly, it all started to sink in.
That sound, whatever it was, broke all their hearts. Hilary and Max's tears rolling out a little harder as their sniffling got louder, Tyson doing his best to hold both of them under his arms as his own silent tears rolled down his cheeks.
"I'm sorry..." Was all Ray could think of to say, it coming out in a barely there whisper as he pulled Kai into him tightly.
The moment his arms went round him, Kai slumped into him, bones turning to jelly, and broke. His shoulders shook hard, crying silently as his throat clammed up, not letting him breathe. It finally let up, allowing him a deep, suffocated and desperate breath before the wounded and distressed cry came out of him.
Ray held him tighter, fighting his own eyes from going and joining the others. Hand rubbing circles against Kai's trembling back, eyes moving up to meet Grandpa's staring back with a hurtful half smile asking the question with his eyes and hoping the elder would know what to do.
Gramps read it loud and clear, though thought it best to let it get out of their systems before they even attempted to move any. There wasn't a rush to get home, even if it would alleviate some of the pressure just sitting there in the same building the little dude had passed away in.
With the sniffling and crying on the opposite side of him beginning to die away, he finally added his hand to Kai's back gently.
"C'mon Kai, let's get y'all home." He spoke softly.
Kai stayed gripped to Ray, not sure if he even could if he wanted to. Did he even want to? He didn't know anything at this second in time, only the white hot hurt he'd not felt before.
Gramps gave him a minute more, once more catching Ray's eyes over the top of Kai's hair. Somehow he managed to read the look in the boy's eyes a second time, giving a gentle nod and pulling back to collect the others as he stood.
"C'mon little dudes." He gestured for them to come up, the four of them coming away latched onto one another as they followed his order.
With Gramps leading the sniffling and crying herd out of the waiting room, Ray watched them go quietly as Kai cried into his chest. Letting that be the only noise between them for a good while as he rubbed his back and held onto him.
"C'mon Kai, let's go home." He whispered into his hair, letting his hold on him get a little laxed.
Kai weakly came away, using Ray to help get himself stood up, still dazed and confused. Ray followed up after him, hands and arms out ready to catch him till it looked like Kai had a steady footing on his own.
Quickly putting an arm around his lower back, letting Kai slump into him if he wanted, guiding them through the silent halls and outside to the car with the others.
The sun set on that awful day, rising the next morning to start another one. The house had been a series of bursts in to tears and comments of disbelief all round. The same questions floating in their heads.
Kai took himself upstairs the moment they arrived back, and was yet to come out. They'd tried to send dinner up to him only to collect it a few hours later cold and untouched, everyone hoping that he wouldn't do the same with the breakfast Grandpa had prepared.
"Alright, who wants to give it a shot?" Gramps asked as he sat Kai's plate on the table between the other three boys who all looked at it like it were some foreign object.
"I'll do it." Max spoke up first, taking up the plate in his hand and bouncing from his chair for the stairs.
Gramps just smiled after him, going to fill up the other two plates for Ray and Tyson.
At the door to the room, Max gave it a few light knocks before just walking in there. "Hey, Kai, it's me." He called through to him.
Kai tensed, back turned to him on the bed and curling harder in to himself, pulling the blanket over himself more."Go away." His raspy voice said quietly and monotonously.
Max frowned a little, though he had been sent on an important quest and he was going to complete it one way or another.
"I got food." He bargained on the other side of the door.
"Take that away too." He answered in the same tone.
"But Kai." Max protested in a small whine, "You need to eat something, it's Grandpa's famous omelets."
"I said get out!" Kai yelled hoarsely back.
Max flinched, about dropping the plate as his face quickly went to defeated. "O-okay..." He responded in a small, hurt tone and went back the way he came from with the plate still in his hand.
Tyson gave his friend a pat on the back as he came and sat back down with his tail between his legs. He'd made a valiant effort...
"Did you wanna try?" Max asked as he slid the plate towards Tyson.
Grandpa at least had been able to get the food into the room the night before, he hadn't even gotten the door opened.
"I'll do my best." Tyson grinned as he took the plate Max had brought back and bounced from his chair.
Upstairs and at the familiar door Tyson gave a few hard knocks before he let himself into the room. "Food, Kai." He announced with a cheeky grin that did nothing to cut the mounting tension and gloominess of the room.
"Leave me alone!" Kai yelled, angrier at the second intrusion.
"I'm just bringing you some food, dude." Tyson said as he stepped into the room, placing the plate down in the table by the bed.
"I don't want it. Please, leave me alone!" He begged, the anger in his tone gone and replaced with the grief he felt.
"In case you change your mind, okay?" Tyson spoke more sympathetically, "I know this is rough buddy, but you gotta eat."
Kai ignored him, and Tyson took his cue to leave.
"Well, it's in the room now but I don't think he'll eat it." He said as he flopped himself in his chair back downstairs.
"Your turn I guess." He directed at Ray across the table from him.
"To do what? You got the food in there, why do I have to go up now? It'll just make this worse right now."
Tyson sighed and shrugged. "Fair point... I just don't know what to do. Feels wrong us being down here and him being up there suffering alone."
Ray sighed and nodded back. It did feel wrong, but the more they pushed and got into Kai's face the more he was more than likely to push back. He'd eat when he was ready, come out when he wanted to. All they had to do was wait it out and be there for him.
A while later, once Gramp's famous omelet was as stone cold as Wyatt was, Kai rolled over, both numb and in agony all at once. It hurt to blink now as well, the whites of his eyes red and the skin around it swollen.
He dragged himself out of the bed, not caring that the blanket got dragged off slightly with him and slumped his way to the bathroom. Despite the amount of liquid that had poured from his eyes, he somehow still had to pee.
As he washed his hands, his eyes glanced over the red lines that decorated from his wrist to his elbows in a gradient of red depending on how long they'd been there... Some a few days. Some weeks. And then some months old... From back when he was at Whitney Prep…
"Kai! Hey! Wait up!" The familiar voice echoed down the hall.
Kai cringed. He wished he wouldn't do that. He'd told him to knock it off. Would only risk them hearing or seeing them together.But he stopped anyway, looking around to make sure no one was paying them any attention.The bouncy, brown eyed boy caught up to him, beaming. Until he saw Kai's face that was.
"Oops... I did it again, huh? Sorry..." He chuckled as he rubbed the back of his head.
"It's fine. Ready to go?"
"You bet! My mom sent me some chocolate from her trip to Belgium! I brought some with me, so we had something good to keep us going through science!"
Kai let a small smile crack. "Thanks..."
With their bags on their shoulders, they took off for their little cubby. Just around from the janitor's closet on their dorm floor that no one else really went to. They walked beside each other silently, Kai with his eyes down and Wyatt giving his polite nod to faces he knew as they walked. But suddenly.
"Well look who it is..."
Kai felt his stomach drop, lifting his head and putting on his pissed off eyes. Lo and behold, Big and his buddies were walking towards them down the hall.
"See you made a friend..." Big sneered.
Wyatt frowned. "And what business is it of yours, gentlemen?" He asked, making Kai cringe again.
Big looked him up and down. "Hey, I know your face... You blade, right?"
Wyatt's frown vanished. "Yep! Whitney Prep champ! Well..." He chuckled, "After this one, heh!" He gestured at Kai.
The cringe deepened.
Big's eyes glistened smugly, turning his beady gaze to Kai. "See you've found your next victim then..."
Kai's pissed off eyes faltered, whereas Wyatt's came in. "Oh... Don't be such a... Jerk!" He spat angrily, walking while giving Kai a push with his shoulder to make him follow quickly away from the bigger, scarier kids in the higher grades.
Big and his crew turned to watch them walk off together. "Friendly warning, kid! Watch your back!" He called after him.
Wyatt walked faster, gripping the sleeve of Kai's jacket as he went, looking like he was about to have a heart attack. Once they got a decent distance away, Kai jerked his arm away. That was enough...
"I can't believe I just cussed out those guys!" Wyatt said, looking paler and mortified with himself.
Kai rolled his eyes. "Was hardly cussing. And don't worry... They have bigger fish to fry." He said with a slight sigh.
Wyatt stopped picturing his own grizzly demise at their hands. He stayed quiet for a moment.
"Have they been... Bothering you?" He asked carefully. This was his third week of having the privilege of Kai's company. He didn't want to do anything to ruin it.
"That didn't look or sound like a first time heckle..." He added.
Kai tensed, deciding to ignore it and keep walking to their cubby. But Wyatt was too pumped from his heated exchange of words with the big kids.
"Kai!" He said in a louder, more demanding tone, "I asked you a question!"
Kai spun to meet him almost face on, the fire in his eyes made the tough guy in Wyatt run screaming.
"I mean um... I asked you a question?" He said in a nicer tone.
Kai sighed. "You knew what they were referring to, didn't you? If you're a 'fan' of mine, there's no way you don't know what happened..."
Wyatt swallowed, nodding a little. "Yeh, I do..."
Kai chewed on the inside of his cheek, gripping his bag strap harder. "Then why are you so eager to hang around me? Or even learn from me?" He asked in a strong snap.
Wyatt blinked at him."Why wouldn't I want to learn from you?" He repeated with a laugh, "You're a world champion! Who doesn't want to learn from the best!? And I want to hang out with you because... I don't know... I look up to you and respect you. You seem like a cool guy... Watching you on TV and stuff, I always got the impression there was so much more to you than meets the eye. I guess I just wanted to get to know you."
Kai shifted. "But why?" He asked again, not getting the answer he was looking for the first time, "After what happened..."
Wyatt sighed. "People make mistakes, Kai... I don't know the full story, nor am I about to ask you for it. But from what I read and heard... Well, we all know what the media is like, but it's obvious there's another side to that story. And I think that story shows it wasn't exactly your fault..."
Kai shifted yet again. He didn't even know what to say to that...
Wyatt tilted his head. "Come on. There's science to be demystified and Belgian chocolate to be eaten!" He diverted, grabbing his jacket sleeve and pulling him along with him.
This time, Kai didn't yank it out his hold.
A few months later, Wyatt let out a smile as he caught the two-toned hair leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, waiting for him. Time for their weekly hang out!
He seemed to have passed the trial phase, and now they hung out regularly. He'd invited him to come and hang out with him and his other friends, but Kai declined every time. Wyatt figured out pretty quickly he wasn't comfortable with other people, which didn't really take a rocket scientist to figure out anyway. But he'd offered, and he was enormously honored he was gracing him with his company.
They took themselves to their usual cubby, which they'd made cosier with some pillows and cushions and a lamp that Wyatt wasn't using from his room. Being slightly warm and muggy in there, their green jackets were folded and laid on the small table while the two of them lay on their bellies opposite each other, their own open books forming a line between them.
Wyatt chewed on the end of his pencil, steam almost coming off his head. "Wait... Huh?!" He let out frustrated.
Kai arched a smug brow. "Problem?"
Wyatt huffed. "I just... This is stupid! I don't get it!"
Kai smirked from his own little pillow opposite him. Wyatt's favorite... English. For someone who had been on so many trips around the world, languages were not his strong suit.
"What are you stuck on?"
"Present Perfect Tense, using for and since..."
Kai rolled his eyes. It wasn't that hard... "What is it you're not getting?"
"Everything! Urgh! I hate English! It's too hard!"
"Relax... You'll get it... Now look, this isn't that bad." He comforted as he reached out in front of him to tap on Wyatt's book, having to read it upside down.
"If it's a specific point in time, you use 'since'. If it's referring to a period of time, you use 'for'. Simple. Like, you don't say 'I've been studying since an hour', an hour is a period of time, so you use for. And you can't say 'I've been blading for 2001', 2001 is a specific time, so you use since. Get it?"
Wyatt tilted his head. Sort of? But he kept jumbling it up... "Might be easy for you... Mr. World Tour..."
Kai snorted."Please, you've been just as many places as I have..."
Wyatt smirked back. He had him there. "Yeh... Fine then, might be easy for you, Mr. Multilingual!"
"None of the languages I speak are related to English. You just don't try hard enough."
Wyatt's jaw dropped. "How dare you! I'll have you know I'm a model student!"
"Oh yeh? I thought model students got straight A's..." Kai near enough sang out as he pointed at himself.
They'd gotten their class tests back that day. Kai had aced them. Wyatt... He was above the class averages at least...
Wyatt frowned, reaching out and snatching the fancy mechanical pencil out of Kai's hand that was still resting on his book, just because he had nothing else to snatch from him to bug him.
"Low blow! Some of us aren't as gifted!" He pouted, holding the pencil away out of reach.
"Hey! That's my favorite pencil! Give it back! You'll get your stupid all over it!" Kai smirked harder, lazily reaching out for it, not wanting to move from his pillow.
Wyatt only held it away further, rolling it in his hands more. "Mmmm I can feel myself getting smarter..."
Kai snorted heaving himself forward on his belly to reach out for it. As Wyatt held the dumb pencil out further, he frowned, eyes on Kai's white shirt sleeve. As Kai reached out further and he got a closer look, Wyatt brought his knees to his belly, grabbing his arm with both hands and forcing it to turn over. Kai instantly yanked it out his hold, getting on his knees as well to back away.
Wyatt gave him a strong stare. "...The hell is that Kai?!"
"None of your business!" Kai yelled back.
Wyatt shook his head. "Don't give me that... What's going on? Did something happen? Is it those guys? Are they bothering you?" He listed off, worry clear in his face.
"I said it's none of your business!" Kai yelled again, eyes blazing.
"So, it is what I think it is then?!" Wyatt yelled back.
"No! Just... Just some old scarring from a bey battle!"
Wyatt scoffed at him. "Oh please! I may not be getting straight A's, but I wasn't born yesterday! Those looked pretty fresh for an old bey battle!"
Kai growled. He didn't need to put up with this... He scrambled to his feet, grabbing his jacket off the small table and went to storm out, books left spread on the floor. Just before he reached the door, a pale hand slammed against it in front of him.
"Kai, wait!" The voice was desperate.
Kai turned, fired up and defensive. But he was met with eyes that were as desperate as the voice that had come before.
Wyatt's hands grabbed both his arms. "Kai, please... What's wrong? Talk to me..."
Kai's face lost some of its ferocity, pausing as he deliberated in his mind about what to say or do.
He averted his eyes. "Wyatt... Please. It isn't what you think." He lied, "Nothing is wrong just... Trust me, it's all fine..."
Wyatt shook his head again. "That isn't fine... If it was fine you wouldn't be hurting yourself!"
"Wyatt..." Kai's voice warned, "I promise. It's fine. Now forget about it..."
Wyatt stood up straighter, yet to let go of him. "I can't forget it..." He said in a smaller voice, already knowing he wouldn't confide in him. Beaten.
"But... I understand you're not the kind of person that will just spill their guts..." He added as he gripped his arms a little harder, finally making eye contact with him.
"But please know... I'm here. I'm like, 4 doors away from you. Dorms or classroom. Day or night. I'm your friend, Kai..."
Drops of water dripped on his arms, despite the tap being turned off now.
His friend was dead...
He lifted his head to take in the red, puffy and wet reflection in the bathroom mirror. That fact was struggling to be a fact, hitting him randomly and then flittering away again to seem like a dream for a while before it struck again. He took in a deep, shuddery breath.
Wyatt had stolen Dranzer. Gave off like he was using him. But just like him in Russia, he'd made a stupid, reckless mistake. He was his friend. He did care. In an entire campus filled of hundreds and hundreds of people, he had been the sole person to give him the time of day. He saw past the very thing that everyone in that place shunned him for.
The Black Dranzer scandal...
Stealing other people's bitbeasts...
And how had he repaid that kindness?
Rejecting him for doing the very thing he'd done, on a much smaller scale. Trying to hurt him back by shooting a bullet at his pride by telling him he would never be in the same league as him, never be good enough to defeat him. Which had driven him right to them...
The hot tears stung as they fell down his raw cheeks, running his hands up his wrists. Wyatt was dead... Wyatt didn't exist anymore...
He would never see him again. Talk to him. Hear that chirpy, preppy voice again. Ever. And it was all his fault. He was the reason Wyatt would never see another day.
It hadn't been by his hand, but that still made him a murderer...
He choked, struggling to breathe as the guilt, torturous thoughts, memories and grief drowned him. His ever-shaking hands fumbled to open the mirror to get at the medicine cabinet, clumsily throwing his hands in to find something he could use. He found nail scissors and Grampa's razor.
As if his knees gave out on him that moment, he held them in his hands and dropped down to the floor, crippled and winded with sobs that hung in his chest until it physically hurt enough to expel them.
Downstairs Tyson and Ray jumped slightly at the loud thud coming a floor above them, their attention at the ceiling then at each other before throwing themselves to their feet and rushing for the stairs.
Tyson threw open the bedroom door though it was empty, turning and giving Ray a questioning look over his shoulder who returned it. They would have noticed Kai coming down the stairs and past them. As Ray's mouth opened his ears perked at the sound of crying and water running behind the bathroom door. Jerking away from Tyson's back and hurling himself at the bathroom door, he pushed it open only to have his heart almost come to a dead stop.
"K… Kai..." He breathed, eyes wide and watering quickly at Kai collapsed on the ground and the blood...
There was so much blood.
"KAI?!" Tyson yelled behind Ray, eyes full blown wide and panicked.
Kai's distraught and pained eyes looked up from what he was doing, blood smeared and shaking hands gripping the sharp weapon harder.
"Getout!" He heaved out through another cutting cry.
"S-stop!" Ray cried back as he dropped to his knees, fumbling with Kai's hold on the scissors to get them away.
Tyson wasn't sure what to do, a cold sweat running down his spine as he watched Ray struggle to get the scissors away. There wasn't any room in there for him to try and even help, feet to paralyzed to get his grandfather or Max from the garden.
Kai resisted, despite the metallic smell of his own blood making him feel weak and nauseous. "Get out! Just leave me alone!" He begged in a hoarse yell.
Ray's watering eyes turned feral, gripping the scissors tighter in one hand as he pulled, the other coming up.
"I SAID STOP!"
The smack across Kai's face was louder than his scream, though all he heard was white noise once it finally settled in that he had just taken his hand to Kai. Tyson's mouth hung open and hit the floor. He felt that himself.
Silence made time stop almost, Kai shocked out of his hysteria for a moment as the powerful sting radiated through his face. He brought his hand up to his cheek, not noticing the blood smearing on his face while he got his bearings back.
Heaving in a heavy breath, Ray snatched the scissors away as fast as he could, jumping to his feet as his own hands were covered in Kai's blood.
"Get Grandpa..." He heaved out again to Tyson behind him, clenching the scissors at his side in a vice grip.
Tyson swallowed hard, running for the stairs and his Grandfather. Alone, Ray narrowed his eyes down at Kai still on the floor looking like he was still registering the slap to the face. Amongst the smeared blood his cheek was starting to turn pink underneath.
"I said stop." He repeated, though this time it came out in a dark and deep rumble through his chest.
Kai's eyes watered again, and his face finally went from stunned to breaking again. "He died..." He whined out in a small, throaty cry.
"And so, you're going to leave too?!" Ray accused as his voice cracked, "We've been right here for you to talk it out and all you've done is hide in that fucking room! Now this again?!" He showed the scissors, blood staining the blades.
Kai's wet eyes burned. "And what fucking good is talking about it gonna do!? That's your solution to everything!" He screamed back at him.
"What good is this, Kai?!" Ray screamed right back, his pupils getting thinner. "What the fuck does this solve?! Where does it help anything that's going on?"
Kai hesitated a minute. There wasn't a specific answer for him. "It just does..."
"That's stupid, and you know it." He bit back at him, clutching the damn things in his fist tighter while he could hear the other two and Gramps running into the house.
It wasn't long before they were all crowding the narrow hallway, Ray stepping back to let Gramps into the bathroom to help. He couldn't even look at him right now.
"Should I take ya to the hospital?" Gramps asked in a concerned tone as he knelt in front of Kai.
Kai's face turned panicked, shaking his head frantically. "No! It's fine!"
It was anything but fine, but as long as they could get the bleeding to stop than there wasn't much else to do for him.
"Alright, let's get ya cleaned up then." Gramps sighed, standing and pulling Kai up just to sit him down on the toilet lid.
"Ty, go grab the first aid kit from downstairs."
Tyson was gone in a flash, feet thudding hard along the floor and down the stairs so loud the noise continued to echo through the house. Max drew his eyes away from the scene in the bathroom as Gramps started to wet a hand rag under the sink, turning to Ray who wasn't really looking anywhere.
His white shirt was stained in blood, his hands and fingers as well. His eyes had yet to dilate and his jaw was clenched tightly.
"You wanna go sit down?" Max asked carefully, not daring to touch him at the moment.
Ray shook his head, as much as he didn't want to be there, he also didn't want to leave either in case Kai needed him. Tyson came bounding back moments later, handing his grandpa the first aid kit while bouncing almost, the adrenaline of this... This flowing through him.
"This is gonna sting somethin awful now, kay?" Gramps spoke just to keep the silence away as he popped the kit open, digging around till he got what he was looking for.
Setting some bandages to the side with alcohol wipes, he tore one open and got to work. The second it touched his skin, Kai hissed hard. Grandpa wasn't wrong. He usually just used water, which stung enough. His wrist jerked away automatically, forcing it back just as fast. Not like he didn't deserve this.
"I know, it's awful. But gotta make sure it's clean. Ya?" Gramps continued to speak softly, though on the inside he was screaming.
How could he have let this happen under his roof? By the looks of all the other cuts, some that Kai reopened, he'd been doing this more than once or even twice. How had he not noticed one of his lil dudes needing help? What kind of grandpa was he to not catch on?
Ray shifted where he stood, wanting to feel some kind of satisfaction for the pain of the antiseptic. But at the same time knew that was just an absolutely horrible thing to want.
Kai deserved it, for being stupid.
Then again, he didn't deserve this. Didn't deserve having to mourn his friend.
But he could have still talked! It was better to try than not and Kai didn't even try!
Then again, he said it helped. How, Ray still couldn't wrap his mind around it and didn't think he ever really could. Nor was he gonna stand there and say it was the right way to go about it.
Yet, he really didn't know what to do for him either.
Kai's bangs covered his eyes as he nodded, teardrops falling from his eyes quietly onto his lap as he grit his teeth and bared the awful stinging, opening and closing his fists for some kind of relief.
Trying to be quick, Gramps cleaned the cuts with the wipes and then bandaged him up as fast and carefully as he could. Taking the wet rag off the counter and cleaning the blood from Kai's slightly swelling face, not even going to ask questions at the moment, and moving to his hands before he pulled away.
"Kai... I'm sorry you're goin through this, and that your buddy aint here no more. But do you think he'd want to see you doin this to yerself?"
Grandpas hand holding his chin to keep his face still made it almost impossible to avoid eye contact with him. Just the mention, the out loud conformation that he was gone made it all so raw and reload again.
He nodded, chest starting to heave again. "I n-never said sorry!"
The other's hearts clenched at hearing him break down again, none of them liked it nor did they think they'd be able to get used to it.
They didn't want this for him, for anyone, and as awful and sad as it was, it was also a part of life. People came and went. That still didn't stop the sting or heartache though, and they all knew that.
"Sorry for what?" Gramps asked.
"We had a fight..." Kai did his best to explain through his raging emotions, "I was an asshole and said some mean shit I shouldn't have..." He tried to gear himself up to tell him that was the reason Wyatt went to them. But he just didn't have it in him to say it out loud.
Gramps frowned sympathetically, patting him on the back and trying to be as supportive as he could. "If you two were buds I'm sure he knows ya didn't mean any of those things ya said to him, and he prolly already forgave you anyways." He offered kindly.
Kai spewed out a deep sob, flopping into him like a limp noodle. Gramps grabbed him up in the tightest hug he'd ever given someone, holding him close.
Max wiped a few tears that were rolling down his face, taking in his own quiet shuddering breath to try and calm himself down. Though with Tyson and Ray putting a hand down on each of his shoulders he just broke down a little more.
"C'mon buddy." Tyson coaxed gently, Max nodding back as he let Tyson take him downstairs for some water.
Ray hesitated by the bathroom, torn between going down with the other two just to get away or stay. Hardly noticing he was still holding the bloody scissors at his side still.
Taking a quick peek into the open doorway he had to look away just as quickly, the image of Kai on the floor the only thing he actually saw.
Mind made up, he went down with the other two, to do what he wasn't completely sure but the moment he was in the kitchen he finally dropped the scissors in the sink and proceeded to wash his hands like he was on autopilot.
Max and Tyson watched from the dining table; a box of tissues pushed towards Max with a glass of water in their hands. Tyson hesitated back, staring at Ray and feeling sick at the sight of the scissors again as he rubbed Max's back harder.
"You all right?" He asked quietly. Of course, he wasn't. But it was the only thing that came to mind to say.
Ray nodded, scrubbing his hands till they turned red despite the blood having already washed down the drain.
"Is he okay?" Max asked quietly as his voice broke slightly.
Ray shook his head that time, throat closing up as the hot sting of tears came back.
Tyson's chair scraped as he jumped up, leaving Max for now as he went to Ray's side. "It's gonna be all right."
"How?" Ray asked in a hoarse voice, staring at the water as it rushed over his reddened hands while his shoulders fell forward. "How is it going to be alright? He... He promised he wouldn't do this again." His hoarse voice trembled, glaring now at the scissors at the bottom of the sink.
Tyson's face fell to his knees. "What do you mean again!?"
"It's not the first time..." Ray answered as he roughly turned the tap off, using the edge of the counter to hold himself up.
"I only found out about it when we were stuck on that island, he said he'd stopped when he got back with us all, but he lied. I don't know of the other times he's done it except for the other day when Wyatt showed up."
Tyson shook his head. How had they not noticed this!? "I don't. I don't understand..." He said dumbly as his own eyes welled up. So much for being the pillar of strength...
Ray shook his head harder, gripping the counter tighter. "I don't either... I've offered to listen, to help, but he's not even tried."
"It's not always easy." Max spoke up from the table, "And we know how he is, he's always been a private person."
"I know, I know!" Ray cut over him, arms trembling as the tears built up harder. "But things changed, he's been a lot more open with me for a long time and now he's not even trying."
Tyson agreed. "Sounds about right..." He bit back. Trust Kai to pull a stunt like that!
"What do we do then?" Max asked as he looked between the two at the sink.
Ray's shoulders fell even more, a sigh coming out of him. "I don't know. We push too hard the more he pulls back, we know this, but how can we just step back and watch him hurt himself like this?"
"Smack him in the face some more!" Tyson growled, riled up.
Max blinked before his eyes went wide, "You didn't!" He near enough shrieked.
Ray coiled back a little, now that it set in he'd actually hit him the guilt flooded in ten-fold.
"I..." He didn't even have a real good excuse for it either.
"Ray." Max gasped, appalled. "You should know better than to do that!" He scolded.
"I just wanted him to stop..." Ray explained as he went back to shaking his head.
Tyson threw his eyes at Max, eyes watering hard. "You didn't see it!" He fired at Max angrily. How could he scold Ray when he wasn't there!?
"He was going at his arms with scissors! He wouldn't let them go!" His voice cracked.
Max held his hands up, "Okay, even still though. You can't get angry at someone who's already upset and hurting themselves. It doesn't help."
Ray nodded a little back at him that he understood. All he had been, since learning of what Kai was doing, was being angry at him for it. Hurt and confused while upset, though that hadn't stopped him from trying to be there for him either.
Yet, he still didn't have a real clear idea on how to do that still.
Tyson pinched his nose and took a breath. "I'm sorry. Just... Fuck."
"It's okay." Max gave him a wobbly smile.
Ray stepped up and placed a hand on Tyson's shoulder, he didn't want them all breaking down around him. "We'll figure this out, one way or another."
Max nodded in agreement, pushing himself away from the table and going to where they were as he held his arms out for them. Both needing to comfort them and needing it himself at the moment.
Ray smiled back as he pulled him into his chest with one arm, keeping the other on Tyson's shoulder as he rest his chin on the top of Max's head. Tyson shifted, watching momma hug the golden boy. He wanted in! With an ungraceful lunge, he threw himself round the both of them.
About losing balance with the extra weight being thrown at them, Ray and Max let out a laugh as they stumbled around slightly till they all found their footing again. Hugging one another back as tightly as they could for a few minutes in a more calming silence, until Gramps walked into the kitchen.
"I got him settled in that room and calmed down, but I don't want to leave him on his own. So, if one of ya wanna head up there, or all of ya go then he's all yours." He said in a tired voice.
Ray nodded while the other two pulled away and he let them go from their three man embrace. "I'll go, if we all go it might just set him off."
"Okay, we'll be here though if you guys need us." Max offered with a small, encouraging smile.
"Thanks." Ray gave one back, heading to the freezer first to get an ice-pack for Kai's face that was no doubt swelling up after getting slapped.
Back on autopilot his feet carried him to the room upstairs, the door being left slightly cracked to where he just let himself into the room and sucked in a breath as he closed it behind him.
"Hey..."
Kai bothered to look over his shoulder, curled back up on the bed, and face swollen a little like Ray expected.
"Hey..."
"Here." Ray held the ice-pack out as he stepped up to the bed, sitting on the edge of it by Kai's feet. "I'm sorry." He apologized, the guilt he felt written all over his face and in his voice.
Kai looked at it a moment before he took it. Hell, he wanted it for his eyes as well. "You don't have to apologize to me..." His nasally voice replied.
"I do, because I shouldn't have hit you. And I am sorry that I did. I just didn't know what else to do."
Kai locked eyes with him. "Neither did I..."
Ray frowned back at him as he shifted on the bed, "I know... But you've got to realize this isn't the right answer."
Kai rolled over to face him. Brows furrowed. "Then what is...?"
"I don't know." Ray admitted quietly, "I just know it's not this."
Kai fell a little. There was no answer apparently...
He stayed quiet a moment. "I uh... I can handle this." He said as he ran a hand up his bandaged wrist, "But I can't handle this..." His voice wobbled as his hand came up to rub his chest roughly.
Chewing on the inside of his cheek, Ray was a little lost for words. Instead, he moved to lay down beside him as close as he could without laying directly on top of him. Quietly he reached out and touched the top of Kai's hand, making it go still over his chest.
"Quit trying to handle it on your own." He spoke softly as he looked Kai in the eyes.
Kai's face changed as his eyes brought a soothing feeling. "You keep saying that, but I don't know what you mean. I can't pass this off to anyone."
"No, but it won't be as heavy if you give a little of it. Right? I know talking about it can only do so much, but it's better than keeping it all bottled up and locked away to the point you burst."
Kai nodded. He was tired... His head was too noisy and sad.
"The least you can do is try. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't work but at least you tried." Ray continued as he shifted closer to him till their knees bumped.
Taking the hand that had been over Kai's, he slipped it up to his smacked and swollen cheek, gently brushing his fingertips along the redness that seemed to glow off the pale skin.
"And I'm really sorry, for everything that's going on."
Kai's lip wobbled at the gentle touch. He kept quiet, shifting and gently pushing until Ray was flat on his back, rolling himself over him to settle on top.
"Heh, you really like it up there don't you?" Ray chuckled lightly, ready to be done with the heavy for the rest of the night as his hands went into Kai's hair and down his back.
"Mmhmm" Kai nodded into his shoulder, "Best place there is."
"You're welcome." He chuckled a bit harder.
Kai shifted to get himself even more comfortable, resting his eyes that had bawled to the point they were raw. He let out a little sigh. This definitely was more comforting than scissors...
The entire flashback scene was done completely by Roy, so make sure ya'll give her some extra love for all her beautiful work there!