It's a sickening feeling, out of body, otherworldly almost as Andrew's words hit him.

His senses go offline. Kate's hand clutching his doesn't even register to him, or her pulling at his forearm with her other hand to pull herself into him slightly. It's almost like his mind forgot how to even let his body breathe. The only thing he can feel is his heartbeat... something in between pumping so hard it feels about to burst and holding onto all the blood it can. His eyes lose focus of Andrew, who's shuffling away from him and back to his patrol car, and trail away. The next thing he feels is something pulling at his arm, turning him and softly taking his other arm in a soft grip.

"Castle," Kate tries again, never having seen him act like this. He's never just shut down like this. "Castle, look at me." She says in a soft voice after turning him to look at her, moving her hand off his forearm and onto his jaw, caressing his cheek with a soft stroke of her thumb before trying to earn his eyes by pressing against his jaw. "Castle?" His eyes finally flick about and he find her, his pupils dilated. "Hey," she struggles to smile for him.

She can feel him let out a trembling breath against her wrist, feeling him lean into her as he loses his balance. "She..." he attempts, his voice frail and unsteady. "She's..." He tries again, this time making an honest effort to get the words out, but still fails.

"Castle," she says in a firm but loving tone, trying to get him to focus on her. But after a moment, she can tell he's losing himself to his thoughts again, his eyes becoming hazy and unfocused. "Rick, look at me." She says again, placing her hand back on his jaw. He's quicker to give her his eyes this time, and even quicker to really try and focus on her, clenching his jaw under her touch. He's worked dozens of murders with her, a lot of them difficult, a crucible for his emotional strength, but he's never shut down like this.

Rick meets her eyes, really looking into those big hazel eyes of her's and making the sight register in his mind. They seem to bat everything assaulting him away, act as a shield for his mind. "She can't be dead, I-I..." he trails off weakly, shaking his head against her touch and looking down to the ground. "I just talked to her yesterday."

She wishes more than anything right now he didn't have to know this feeling. It's a feeling that will come to haunt him. The very first stage of grief. The denial that the world just can't be like this. That the person you was just there a second ago just... isn't anymore. But even as Kate is struggling to keep Rick focused, Kate casts a glance over to his neighbors and sees the husband on the floor of their entryway, his wife curled up in a ball visibly sobbing and shaking in her husband's lap.

The officers closing the doors to their patrol cars startles Rick out of his daze. They both look over to the car as the tail lights come on and Kate grabs onto his hand, leading him back across the street toward his lake house, where Alexis is waiting a few feet away from the steps with Sasha by her side, Sasha's ears perked up and her eyes seemingly fixed on her master. Kate hears Sasha whimper before the dog quickly jogs up to Rick and starts to softly assault him.

Rick lets out a hard breath and reaches down, putting his hands in the fur of Sasha's neck and letting her lick his face as Kate and Alexis gather around him.

"Rick?" Kate starts again, reaching down and soothing her hand over his back as he bends down to let Sasha comfort him.

He lets out another hard breath over straining lungs and stands up, trying his best to marshall all his strength. "I have to go." He points out to everyone, but mostly himself. "Alexis, can you go get my keys, please?"

"Yeah," the girl says quick and darts back up the porch steps and into the house.

Kate reaches back over and puts a hand on his chest, using her other hand to take his hand as he reaches up to grasp the back of his neck. "Will you be alright?" She asks, knowing how it feels for ignorant do-gooders to ask if they are alright in that moment.

Rick tries to fill his lungs, but doesn't get much past a short gasp. "I-I... I don't know, I can't..." he attempts to explain to her. He just... doesn't know what he's feeling right now. "I just have to go. I can't just sit here, I-"

"Hey," Kate jumps in, seeing the signs. The restlessness, the panic. She reaches over and pets his chest again, pulling him back to her and trying for his attention as he turns to dart into the house after Alexis. "I know what you're feeling right now and the best thing you can do..." she trails off, lifting her brow and looking into his eyes, pausing until he looks back, "is stay focused as best you can... and go do what you do best."

He lets out a shaky breath as he leans into her touch again. "Kate, I don't know if I can do this."

"Yes, you can." She answers quickly.

"No, I-I..." he starts, shuffling into her touch, "I need you with me. I can't do this on my own." Rick pleads.

"Yes... you can, Castle." She says pointedly, never looking away from his eyes. "You just don't feel like you can right now, and I understand. But you can." She says, seeing him start to relax, the panic starting to slowly lift off his system the longer he looks into her eyes. "I know what you're going through but right now," she says, reaching up and cupping his jaw again, turning him to look over to his neighbors across the street, where Cecelia is still sobbing hopelessly into Greg's lap, "they need you to be okay."

Seeing Cecelia sob uncontrollably, even being able to hear her from across the street, Rick can feel his heart beat again, starting to slow and steady itself as he feels his unsure strength return, and nods before reaching over and taking Kate's hand. "Come with me."

That sends her heart palpitating, fear chomping down on her like a set of jaws. "No, I can't, Rick." She says with a shake of her head, but taking his hand nonetheless.

"Kate, you're probably the best detective on this side of the country. I don't know if I can do this without you." He says in a steady voice, reaching for her other hand that had fallen off his jaw.

Kate can feel fear start to overwhelm her, the emotional tide of the conversation taking a drastic turn against her. She wishes he could have some semblance of an idea as to just why she can't work with him on this. Even going to the scene of the first murder in town was a gigantic risk. She just got him back. As he grabs for her other hand, tugging her into him, she goes willingly and drifts into him, her eyes catching sight of his lips. "You can, Castle." She says, feeling his breath.

He pushes out a hard sigh as they seem to drift apart, letting the moment pass without taking advantage of it. He knows he has to do something. Even now, his body is still compelling him to act, even foolishly if he has to. He can tell there's something she's not telling him. Part of it is his suspicion, his new found paranoia of getting his heart stomped on again that taking her back has brought him. But she's said as much that there's something she did that she can't tell him.

And she begged him not to dig into it.

But he nods anyway, brushing his thumb over her knuckles. "I can..." she starts again, craning her neck to try and catch his eyes again, "stick around if you want. Wait for you here," she suggests, her heart starting to swell at the thought of them getting to unwind in bed together again, "we could spend the night together."

He swallows thickly but doesn't look up to her. "I'll let you know, okay?" He says, finally looking up to her sadly just as Alexis comes darting back out of the house and down the steps.

They both look over and let their hands fall from each other's grasp. "I grabbed your phone too." Alexis says and hands Rick his things.

"Thanks, sweetie." He says and leans over, giving his daughter a quick kiss on her cheek before heading toward his Lexus.

Rick flings open the driver-side door, but turns around to look over to them. After Kate gives him a heavy smile and an encouraging nod, he falls down inside and drives off.

His foot eases onto the brake when he turns the corner onto her street and he sees the quaint suburban homes lit up with the flashing red and blue from the police patrol cars parked a few houses ahead of him. Feeling numb, he pulls to a stop behind the closest patrol car and unfastens his seatbelt, letting it pull itself up his chest. He pauses to watch a few uniforms walk into the house, followed by a few Sherrif's deputies.

His eyes flick over and see the emblem of the Sherrif's department emblem on the doors of one of the patrol cars on the other side of the blockade.

He can't even find the strength to get up out of the car. It feels... feels like a dream that he just realized is a dream, but has to see it through until he wakes up to judge whether it was a nightmare or not. He just as to go along with whatever is thrown at him and let himself act in whatever way his dreaming self acts. When his eyes flick up to the visor, his mind travels back to the first lines he wrote about her, of Beckett.

It was always the same for her as she arrived to meet the body.

He wrote Nikki Heat with what he thought was strength in the face of killers, the kind of strength he saw in Kate. But as he just sits in his car, knowing an entire police department is waiting for him inside that house, maybe it wasn't strength that he wrote, but just... numbness.

Rick swallows thickly, getting dizzy as he shakes his head to brush away the thoughts, and flicks at the door handle, shoving the door open with his knee, and climbs out. His stomach twists into knots as he starts toward her house, his breath getting shorter and shorter with every stop along the sidewalk. He feels a few sets of eyes on him when he makes it to the concrete walkway leading up to her door. His eyes travel into the living room off to the left and part of him is thankful that all he sees is darkness.

Before he realizes it, his feet are climbing up the single stone step and it assaults his chest with a tight feeling, like he just got shot. He just expects her to be at the door waiting for him in that red dress she wore that night, holding her cat out in front of her so she didn't get cat hair on it. His heart quivers in his throat when he takes the last step up and into her house, seeing police scattered around the house, a few patrolmen standing around her table in the room to the right. The next thing his eyes find is the vase that sits in the middle of the table, holding those pink and red flowers he gave to her that night.

He still remembers how she was wrestling with her Siamese when he opened the door, how happy she was when he gave her the flowers.

"Castle!" A booming voice sounds from the other room.

Rick visibly jumps from the doorway just as a very large hand is grasping his shoulder. He loses his balance for a moment as his eyes find the giant statue of Crestfield's police chief, a giant of a man without the gentleness that usually comes along with men his size. Rick makes it a point to himself to focus his eyes on Chief and Chief alone until he absolutely has to. "Yeah, I'm..." he tries, giving Chief a nod, "I'm here."

When Rick looks up again, Chief looks hurt, sad. But he can tell that he's putting on a strong, confident front for his men. Chief gives Rick a short nod and digs his fingers into Rick's shoulder for a second. "Thanks for coming, Castle."

"Yeah," Rick mutters and looks away, down to the floor.

"This ain't easy on any of us, but I know you two were close." Chief says in a low voice, trying for an understanding tone.

Rick nods and flicks his eyes up to Chief briefly before looking back down to the floor, unwilling to let his eyes wander. "We were friends, yeah." Rick feels his shoulder being shaken, the sort of gesture a big brother would offer his little brother. "Chief," Rick starts, looking back up to him just as Chief is crossing his enormous arms over his chest, "why is the Sherrif's department her. Sierra didn't live over district lines."

Chief nods, "Well, Castle, two murders in less than two weeks is a first for the history of this town. We need all hands on deck for this. Medical examiner from the next county over is doing is stuff now and I already got my boys doing a canvas of the area." Rick nods, still not letting his eyes wander. He always lets his eyes wander around a scene, letting himself paint a scene of the story, speculates. But here, he doesn't even want to face reality let alone speculate about it. "So what do you think, you ready?"

Rick hardens himself, sucking in a long breath as silently as he can, rolls his shoulders back, looks straight ahead, and gives Chief a confident nod. "Where is she?"

Chief steps aside and his eyes immediately find her... laying on the floor of her living room. His heart breaks apart in his throat, falling into the pit of his stomach. She's dressed in teal scrubs and pink socks. Her eyes are wide open and facing the ceiling, her mouth is slightly ajar and her lips are so pale and looks so cold. The next thing that he notices is the dark impression running around her neck.

As he shuffles into the living room and toward Sierra, the very next thing he notices is her posture, going unnoticed to everyone else in the room, even the medical examiner who's knelt down next to her with his clipboard, looking absentminded as he takes notes. The world falls away when the thoughts start haunting him, possessing him.

Rick sloshes around and looks to the officers wandering around her house. "Did anyone move her?" He shouts to everyone.

Every officer stops and looks over to him. "Uh..." a deputy starts.

"I need to know if anyone moved her body!" Rick shouts again.

"Castle!" Chief says, getting his attention with a large hand on his shoulder. "No one moved anything, man. I made sure of it." Rick pushes out a trembling breath, running a hand over his face as he slowly turns around, planting another hand on his hip. "Why, what is it?"

Rick looks over to her body and feels his heart break to pieces again before a twinge of absolute hatred sparks in the pit of his stomach where the pieces of his heart sit. His hand wrenches the fabric of his shirt before punching the ground, his teeth gnashing. "Chief," Rick starts, turning around to find the Chief giving him a confused, but concentrated look, "I need you to get in touch with the Twelfth precinct of the NYPD and ask them for a case file."

"Wait, Castle, what-"

"Drop my name, if you have to. But you need to get me this file." Rick demands.

Chief turns and faces Rick fully, standing directly in front of him, his voice booming. "Castle, I didn't call you here to play twenty questions while the body of a woman I've known her whole life is lying on the floor, understand?! Get to the point!"

Rick feels his fight come into him as he takes a step up to Chief. "She's posed, chief!" He shouts, pointing back toward Sierra. As all eyes go to the body, Rick keeps his eyes on the Chief. "Laid out, her hands over her chest after being strangled." He says over the thick silence that has fallen over the room.

"Oh..." Chief starts, looking between Sierra and him, "okay. So why do I need to call up a precinct on the other side of the country?"

"Because Ms. Carlson was posed the same way." Rick points out. "And I'm willing to bet that he broke her neck when he was trying to strangle her the same way he strangled Sierra."

"Uhh..." A voice starts up from behind him. Rick looks over his shoulder to the ME, who's looking over his glasses to the pair of men. "I've reviewed the notes from the previous murder, Mr. Castle, and there's a clear difference here." He says, motioning to the body in front of him.

"What's that?" Chief asks from behind Rick.

"Well," the ME says, looking back to his notes, "for starters, this murderer used rope." He says, looking back up to the men. "From the looks of it, with twisted rope... maybe three quarters of an inch thick, probably nylon." Ricks heartbreak mixes violently with his almost seething anger. The ME shrugs his shoulders. "Ms. Carlson had her neck snapped."

Rick nods in a small motion. "Yeah, well, it wouldn't be the first time things didn't go to plan for him." He mutters to himself.

"Castle," Chief starts again, taking a step over and stopping in front of him, "enough with the riddles. You're acting like you know the guy already."

"I do, Sir." Castle says, his anger finally winning over his pain. "Two women, both blonde, both strangled with a heavy duty rope, posed to make them look peaceful... I wrote a book on the son of a bitch that did this, Chief."

"Then save me the trouble and spoil the ending for me, Castle." Chief says in a low growl.

"Jerry Tyson."

Chief blinks at him, raising his brow.

"You may know him as 3XK, or the Triple Killer." Rick's anger flares like a flashbang grenade in his system in that moment.

"Three-X-K, three implies we have three victims, Castle. We only have two here."

Rick is already nodding ahead of him. "And believe me, I'd like to keep it that way." He says, earning a stoic look from Chief, a look that brings determination to the air. "Let me go get some things from home and I'll meet you back at the station."

Rick doesn't wait for an argument and simply turns around and heads out the door, marching angrily down the walkway to head back to his car. His eyes find Andrew off to the right, carrying a small animal carrier in his hand. He can tell the animal inside is putting up a hell of a fight by the way the carrier is swaying back and forth, almost violently. He watches as Andrew turns the carrier to look inside and is quickly met with a very swift scratch across his nose, only knicking him. "Ah!"

As Andrew is quickly putting the pet carrier down onto the trunk of his patrol car, padding the tip of his nose and checking his fingers to check for blood, Rick can see inside the carrier to the large green eyes of Sierra's Siamese and can even hear him growl from inside. Persius was his name. Sierra loved him.

"Hey," Rick calls as he approaches Andrew just as he's angrily shaking his head at the pet carrier, "what's going on?"

"Ah," Andrew starts and leans against the back of his patrol car, "Chief told me to take this thing to the shelter. I swear, it wants to kill everything that comes near it. Andy got it worse just trying to get the damn thing in the cage."

"The shelter, but... the closest animal shelter is a kill shelter."

As Andrew shrugs his shoulders, Rick looks inside the carrier and sees Persius eye him back. Once he sees him, his heart tells him.

Rick falls into the driver side and closes the door behind him on a very hard, unsure sigh.

After a moment, he looks over to the pet carrier sitting on the passenger seat. He smiles a sad smile before slowly reaching over, seeing Sierra's Siamese come up to test his fingers as he unlatches the carrier door. When the door falls open, the cat freezes as Rick holds his hand out, letting him sniff it for a moment. When Persius looks up to him with a pair of eyes that's ready for him to make the wrong move, Rick smiles softly and waits.

"It's okay," he says softly, curling his finger out to gently pet the side of the cat's jaw in a cautious motion. "It's gonna be fine."

After a few motions of his finger, Persius nudges his head into Rick's hand, making Rick smile sadly.

"Eventually."

A/N: Fully intended to insert the next scene, but it was running way too long. Let me know what you think. I really hope that the wait won't be as bad for the next chapter. But let me know about this chapter? If any of you are wanting to check out because of this chapter, I can only say to you what I said to those who wanted to check out because they didn't see any way for Rick and Kate to get back together... just stick it out. /=]