Fighter

"Just because you've got a dick, doesn't mean you have to act like one!"

"Yeah? Just because you look like a child, doesn't mean you have to act like one either!" I snapped. "Take some responsibility for yourself for once in your life!"

"Me? Responsibility for myself? You've some nerve! Who was the one who ran out into the middle of the field for a stupid gun in Normandy?"

This was our first real argument. Not the petty, jokey and sarcastic kind we always had, but a real, sleep-in-separate-bedrooms kind of argument. And it only started because I complained that she was being too reckless.

"Stop deflecting your stupid actions on to me! So I did one stupid thing? I'm not the one running around in the middle of a goddamn artillery barrage!"

"It wasn't that bad, they'd stopped!"

"Ailith, I swear to God, quit with the bullshit!"

"What bullshit? It's my fucking job, Malarkey! No one bitches at Lip when he goes checking if everyone's okay? Why do you have to have such a massive fucking problem with it?"

"You're my wife Ailith!"

"Oh, here we go! Enforcing stereotypical gender roles, again, Mr Breadwinner? I'm just as capable as anyone else here, of looking after myself. I'm a soldier before I'm your wife!"

"Fine, have it your fucking way, Section Leader Conneely!" I said, venomously. "You wanna be a big, tough soldier, be a soldier. See if I fucking care if you get shot in the ass or not!"

She slapped me. The two of us stood half-glaring at each other, half wondering if we'd actually said and done that to each other.

"Lith I-"

"Save it… I never knew you'd be so mean!"

"Where the Hell is Dike?" Buck grumbled, as the two of us wandered throughout Easy's position. Fox-Hole Norman had once again disappeared, nowhere to be found and so we were on a wild goose chase looking for him. I was hoping that we'd bump into my wife on our rounds, having had a chance to cool off, I wanted to apologise.

"If anyone knows where he is, Lith will."

"Yeah?"

"Ossy's asked her to keep an eye on him so we know where he is at all times."

"So where's your wife?" He asked, eyeing me, knowing full well we'd had a bust up this morning.

"Making the rounds most likely." I shrugged, still sore after this morning's argument. "She'll be easier to find than Dike anyhow."

I was trudging my way through the snow, looking for Dike and his Great Disappearing Act (and hoping I'd bump into Don to apologise), when I felt something, like a cold chill. I mean, yeah, it was freezing, but it wasn't that kind of cold chill. It was the sort that my gran used to say 'Someone's just walked over my grave'. I could never work out what she meant, because obviously she wasn't dead… but I had the same feeling just before we ran into the bunker, the same feeling before Miller nearly got blown up and the same feeling when Julian nearly got killed. I couldn't stand it anymore, the electricity sending the hairs on the back of my neck up like bristles.

Again, I could have sworn I heard Finny's voice.

Just then, Hashey and Hoob walked towards me and the feeling dropped off. I grinned relieved.

"Hey, Hoob, someone said you managed to get hold of a Luger?"

"Ah Jesus, its Mouse! She's shot!" Hashey's voice called out. We'd dived into Shifty's half dug fox hole after hearing a shot, looking around and wondering if the Krauts had made a move.

"The Germans?"

"No, Hoob! It was an ac…cident…" Hashey's voice trailed off as a figure stumbled closer to us.

Lith was holding a hand up to her chest, looking dazed. There was blood dripping down from her mouth and a growing blood stain from a wound in her chest.

"Don…I didn't mean to…It was an accident; I didn't know I'd get hit…" I could hear her mumble to me. I didn't even know I'd moved until I had her in my arms, cradling her while I leaned her up against me. She looked up at me, terrified and in pain, holding tightly to my sleeve.

"Shh, it's okay, it's alright." I told her, stroking her hair, while the others called for a medic. She looked like she was starting to panic.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean for this to happen!"

"Lith, it's okay, it's not your fault!"

"Please don't be mad at me Don! I'm sorry!" Lith pleaded, sounding very childlike and almost desperate. "I'm sorry!"

"I'm not mad, I'm not mad! Look, it'll be okay, you'll see, you'll be okay."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for slapping you."

"Stop apologising, Lith, jeez. It's okay! Everyone gets into a fight sometimes."

"Girls and boys shouldn't hit each other…"

"Yeah? Friends shouldn't shoot each other either!"

"Don?"

"What?"

She wheezed, loudly, "I can't breathe, I'm scared."

I heard Buck question where the medic was for the fourth time as Lith suddenly started to cough up blood, and lots of it. I was scared to death, feeling helpless. I cupped her face in my hands, as we laid her on her back, trying to stem the blood from the wound.

"Look at me, Ailith, look at me."

Her tear filled eyes gazed up at me, the frightened look on her face not lifting.

"Look at me. Remember what I said before we jumped into Holland? No matter what happened, I'd be there with you, remember?" She nodded. "I'm here. I'll be right here, okay?"

"Don't leave me…"

"I won't. I promise… but you gotta fight, got it? you wanted to be a big, tough soldier this morning didn't you?"

"I'm so pathetic…I'm scared…"

She was so small… had she always been like this? Her big, brown doe eyes looked dull, unable to focus and she complained that it was getting harder to breathe. I wasn't a medic or a doctor, but that wasn't a good sign, I knew that much. Am I going to lose her? The thought suddenly crossed my mind, as this tiny body lay in my arms. Roe finally appeared from somewhere and moved the others out of the way, save for Lip and Buck. Buck had her head in her lap, I held her hand and Lip was patting her leg.

"You again, huh Mouse?" He tried joking with her, but she was almost completely out of it. He apologised in advance, for more or less stripping her jacket, shirt and vest off, leaving her brassiere the only thing covering her up. She had a wound just above her right breast, that wouldn't stop bleeding.

"Doc, what do I do?"

I'd never felt so weak, so helpless. Here, was my angel, my world, the most important part of my life, ebbing away and I couldn't do anything to stop it. She was getting colder, she wasn't breathing properly, and her lips were turning a nasty shade of blue…

"Why… is it so cold?" she mumbled. Doc started working faster, ordering Hashey to go get Spina and a bottle of plasma.

"Its winter, baby." I told her, brushing her bangs out of her face, trying to save face, even if it was just for her.

"It is?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's just past New Year's Day."

She didn't say anything. Her eyes just blinked shut. My heart stopped and nearly crumbled.

"Mouse?" Doc patted her face and after a few seconds, she opened her eyes again. "You gotta stay awake for us, ah'ite? You gonna give Malark a heart attack."

"Sorry." Lith croaked. Doc said she needed something to focus on, to keep her awake, because if she closed her eyes again, she might not wake up. I swallowed my tears, grinding my jaw so I could keep them from falling. "I'm…so tired…"

"You can't go to sleep, you gotta stay awake." My hand cupped her cheek, smearing the blood on her face as Spina and Hashey finally arrived with the plasma, quickly followed by my sisters-in-law. "Come on, didn't you always say you'd be with me?"

I knew I had an audience, but I didn't care. Who would? Your wife's laying in your arms, your friend's trying to stop her bleeding to death and this could be the last chance to talk to her. Ossy scooted me down a little, so she could help Doc and Spina.

"Hey baby girl, how you doin'?"

"Danni…I think…I'm dying."

"You can't die, what about Malark, huh?" Buck said, rubbing her cheeks with his thumbs. "You can't leave him all on his own."

"My rings…"

"They're on your fingers Mouse." Lip reassured her.

"Lip, don't let anyone steal them."

"I won't."

"I'm so cold."

"Yer goin' into shock, okay? You lost a lot o'blood baby, but we're goin'ta fix you up and you'll be singin' with the jay birds again in no time." Ossy tried to talk to her, to keep her going.

There was almost a moment of clarity in her eyes; the dull, clouds of confusion seeming to have been blown away.

"I love you."

"I love you too." I sniffed. I wasn't one to cry at anything, not unless you counted my wedding, when this ethereal beauty stepped into the church. "C'mon, don't say you love me like you'll never see me again."

She suddenly seemed panicked, kicking her leg as if she was trying to get away from something, "I don't want to go with her!"

"Who?" Ossy's voice shook and she looked around at where Lith's gaze seemed to be focused. "Go with who?"

"The woman in the black cloak! With the antlers, Don don't make me go with her!"

"Baby, there's no one there." I told her. But she kept insisting, until she took a sudden, sharp breath and her eyes faded out, staring at the sky. Lith's hand felt limp in my own.

I've lost her. The wind was knocked out of me, like I'd just jumped out of a C-47 and I felt myself choke. Ossy ushered me out of the way, to stand with Wyoming and the others, while she stayed with Spina and Doc. I was numb, finding myself staring at the body of the woman I loved. Taylor's hand went up to her mouth, trying to stifle a whimper.

"Spina, keep your finger on her pulse, let me know when you get one, got it? Roe, keep hold o' that plasma. She ain't gonna go out like this, not in the damn cold in the middle o'fuckin' Belgium."

She started pumping her chest and I felt a hand grip my shoulder, as Taylor held on to me. Ossy began to mutter to herself or to Lith as she worked, telling he she couldn't go and leave us all here like this. You could tell from the look on Spina and Doc Roe's faces that neither of them were holding out any hope of her coming back to us.

I was devastated. I didn't know what to do. What do you do when you lose your wife like this? My entire world shattered around me, my dreams of the white picket fence, the kids, my entire future, the one that depended on Lith…was gone… How could she leave me like that? How could she leave me alone, here, in this frozen Hell? If she wasn't here, there wasn't much point in me going on. My future was over.

"I think I got one!" Spina's voice cut through the dark I'd started to drown in. We all looked up as Ossy put her hand to Lith's neck, our breath stuck in our chests, waiting, hoping.

"Alright baby girl! I knew you were a fighter!"

When I came back to the line, I was still going through the motions. Lith was being operated on and there was nothing I could do but wait until I got notified either way of what happened to her. I was distraught at the thought that I might lose her again, permanently.

"Hey, Malark." Bill came up, talking quietly. "How is she?"

I ground my jaw, unable to find the words. How do you tell people, people who think of someone like their own little sister, who adore and care for her, that she might not make it, when you don't even want to tell that yourself?

"She, uh…might not…"

Bill's head dropped to the floor and I think there was a silent mutual agreement that we'd pretend to not notice the other tearing up.

"Shit…she don't deserve that."

"Yeah." Joe agreed, putting his arm around my shoulders. "She's too good for this bullshit place."

She was.

Lith was too good for Bastogne, too good for the fucking 101st, too good to be put through this Hell. She was too good for this world. She should have been at home, with her mom and dad and big brother who she loved so much, or back in Astoria, with my mom, waiting for me to come home. She'd have been safe and protected there. I was 500 yards away and I couldn't do anything to protect her when she needed me. I know she'd be saying, it was an accident, Hoob didn't mean it or there was nothing you could do but I felt responsible. I was supposed to protect her, to keep her warm and safe and well… and I completely failed her. I promised her that it would all be okay and if something happened, I'd be with her…but I hadn't been. If only I'd kept a closer eye on her, if only I'd been there. If only.

"If you fellas don't mind…I need some time on my own…"

"Yeah…sure, no problem buddy."

"If you hear anything, will you-"

"Yeah." Bill nodded, patting my arm. "Yeah, we'll let you know."

"Thanks."

I sat in the fox-hole I'd shared with Lith, noticing how big and empty it was for the first time. I found her scarf in the bottom and held it in my hands, staring at it for what felt like hours. I could see her blood in my finger nails where it had stained, as I held the scarf up to my face, trying to find her scent.

It smelt like baby powder, just like Lith did. She was just that pure. She smelled like clean cotton and baby powder, looked like an angel, sounded like a nightingale and had the warmth of a thousand suns…I felt it like a knife in my chest. I couldn't bare it.

"Malarkey?" Captain Winters' voice called from behind. I glanced up to see him crouching down next to me. "Mind if I join you?"

I shook my head, putting Lith's scarf into my coat.

"Ossy told me what happened this morning." He said, after he settled in beside me. "How is she?"

"They were going to try to get the bullet out. Sent me back here; said I wasn't much use there."

Winters nodded, "I think she'd want you to be here."

"She probably would. I can almost hear her saying, tis but a scratch…She hates it when I make a fuss over her…"

"Yeah…I can imagine her saying that." Winters nodded, then offered to let me be his runner. "You might even get to go the aid-station while you're there?"

I thought about it, mulling it over, but I really could hear her voice, the little English accent telling me to pull my socks up and do my job or telling me I was making the place look untidy by my being there.

"Thanks, but…she'd definitely want me here…keep an eye on her kids, y'know?"