Nothing. That's what I had. Nothing. No calls, no letters, nothing. Instead of growing calm from the silence, from the lack of bad news, the lack of news ratchet up my stress and with it my inability to hold down food, or drink. Even the tea didn't seem to help.

Selma was worried. Enough to call Ellen, the midwife, and ask for help. After the third day of nothing, I'd taken to my bed, no longer willing to be tempted to shop. Books didn't hold my attention. Music, it all sounded the same, and Selma stopped trying to find a song that might pull me free from the fear that was cocooning me.

"Up," Ellen demanded, as I squinted at her from my tangled and greasy hair. "Up, get up." I glared at her, seeing her hands on her hips and her condescending tone aggravated my already frayed nerves.

"Go away," I rolled over and she smacked my behind through the covers. Turning my head I stared at her in disbelief. "Did you just-" Indignant at her inappropriate attack on my person was met with an eye roll.

"Spank you like your parents should have?" She nodded. "Yes, 'princess', now get up."

I growled as I slowly rolled to my feet. I knew I looked like hell. I knew I probably smelled like hell too. "Better?" Snippy, that was how I came across, but honestly, who the hell did she think she was?

"No," she inspected me and shook her head in disappointment. "I told you rest, not wallow. I told you to stay pleasant and calm, not this." She gestured at all of me. "Bath first, then a chat."

I stood in front of her, my chin jutted out in defiance. "No." I wasn't going to allow this woman to-

She slapped me, hard on my cheek and I felt my mouth drop open. "Do I have your attention now?" Disbelief ran through me at the audacity of this person, she hit me. " Good. Bathe, then come down to have a chat." She waited, standing in front of me as though she wanted nothing more than to have another reason to assault me again, but as the sting of my cheek burned, I chose not to argue. For now.

Once I'd soaked away the fear, the worry, the upset of having had no news from Pop-Pop, once my hair was gleaming and wet down my back, once my face and skin were free of the sweat that comes from oversleeping and yes, wallowing, I felt more like the Elizabeth Diamond that had first arrived in Miami in late December. And with those fresh eyes, and the feeling of being the young woman who remained unruffled in the face of her father's taunts, who didn't show her hand to the woman married to her lover, the woman who when forced to make a choice, called in her fiercest soldier I let the absolute rage at the midwife assuming she had any right whatsoever of laying a finger on me.

"Out," I demanded, when I was dressed and had made my way into the living room. She was sitting without a shred of concern with Selma enjoying a cup of coffee and glanced up at me as though she were inspecting me. "Did you not hear me? I said, get out."

"Liz," Selma was trying to calm me down, I knew the tone well. "Ellen was only trying to-"

"I was simply lighting a fire under your ass, 'princess'." She still looked completely at ease and it made my ire at her presumptuous attack grow. "It worked." She nodded at my clean and dressed person. "Now sit, you look ridiculous."

I was tempted, the anger running ice cold through my veins, to walk to this smug horrible woman and grab her by her hair and toss her bodily from my house. To show her precisely who she was dealing with and the force of pleasure I felt at the thought of inflicting even that tiny amount of pain on her shook me. I gulped past the flush of guilt, that I was entertaining the same kind of thoughts that my dear father might, and sat.

"That's better," Ellen offered, as I shut my eyes to try to control the urge that still rang inside of me, calling on me to attack, to see the fear on her face, the fear of who I was and what I could cause. "Calm and pleasant, Miss Diamond." She was taking a sip from her cup when I felt calm enough to open my eyes. "There, that wasn't so difficult, was it?"

"I still want you to leave," I managed, feeling angry from her striking me. "So go."

Still looking at me without a care in the world, almost daring me to attack it seemed, she simply sat her cup down and settled back in her chair to get more comfortable. "No." Her hands fell into a natural clasp in her lap. "Selma called me when you refused to leave your bed. She said talking to you hadn't worked. That asking nicely wasn't getting your emotional state in hand, so I came and look-" One hand gestured to me, sitting as primly and properly as I always would. "Here you are, back to normal." Ellen was studying me, waiting to see if I was as in control as I seemed, like she was testing me.

"Since I'm back to rights, then isn't it time for you to go?" I asked, staring at her as though my entire body didn't want to lash out and take every single bit of my irritation out on her smug face. Irritation that came, not only from her heavy handed attack on me, but from lack of news. Not knowing what was happening in Miami, with Ike, was slowly ruining my sanity.

"Not quite, yet." She took a deep breath, still studying me. "You're letting your emotions control you, Miss Diamond, this isn't good for your condition, or for you." I swallowed hard. "If you're upset, if you let the stress overcome you, then you can't eat. You can't hold anything down, not even the tiny bit that you were taking before. I said to watch your weight, Miss Diamond, not to lose it."

I was breathing through my nose, thinking that if I opened my mouth, I might have to rush to the downstairs washroom. I could feel it, bubbling up, somehow the shock from the slap had forced it away when I first got out of bed, but now, now it was at the forefront.

"Don't hold it in, Miss Diamond, take care of it, and then have your tea." She finally stood up as I did, and I gave her no mind as I was forced back to my usual morning spot, cradling the porcelain as my tiny reminder of Ike reminded me who was really boss.

Luckily for me, and for Ellen the midwife, Pop-Pop called not long after she chose to leave. After I stopped being angry with Selma for calling her in, and allowed her to convince me to leave the house, to go to the bookstore. I gave in, my mind easing as I wandered the stacks, touching and considering each title that caught my eye. I bought a few, and mentally added to the list of ones I'd want the next time. A few more days went by, as I read and drank my tea, working hard to force the worry down so I could eat and keep what I ate.

I had just left the washroom after losing the battle with my nerves, rinsing the almost sour taste from my mouth that was becoming an absent minded event when Selma handed me the phone. My retching had been so loud that I hadn't even heard it ring.

"Hello?" I shook my head as she pantomimed getting me tea. "Pop-Pop?"

"Lizzie, I think you can come back now." I started to ask why, even as the fluttering in my stomach was beginning at the thought of seeing Ike again. "To Chicago, at least." Oh. "Selma's gonna make arrangements, sweetheart, and then I'll see you in a few days."

"Chicago?" I knew it wasn't the question I should be asking. I should be asking what's changed that made the United States safe for me.

He chuckled, and I felt a slight easing of my worry. "Yes, sweetheart, Chicago. Miami still has-" He sighed. "It's not the right time, Lizzie."

I offered my own huff of breath. "When do we leave?"

Car trips, while experiencing the type of nausea that I'd been attacked by, are not enjoyable. I slept the majority of it, I vomited the rest it seemed. Pulling off the road, repeatedly, certainly cut into the travel time, but eventually we found ourselves in Chicago again. I'd expected to go back to Minnie's, so I was a bit taken aback to find myself in an entirely different neighborhood.

"Where are we?" Selma had given me a light shake to wake me and I groggily looked at my surroundings.

She gave a soft chuckle. "Sy's." My grandfather's house. It, like the other homes I'd been in since leaving Miami, looked shockingly normal. Larger, perhaps, and I thought I could see the sight of a greenhouse in the back, but it didn't scream- What, I wondered, had I expected? A sign on the door that read "Mobster"?

"Come on, Liz, let's get you settled in." She had a key, which I also had questions about, but she was asking the man who came to see who'd arrived to bring in my things. Telling him how to differentiate between our luggage, she was helping me up the stairs, promising me that a hot bath would make me feel more like myself.

Showing me a gorgeous room, possibly larger than the room I'd lived in at Ben's house, and the accompanying bath, she promised that she'd see me soon. And then, Selma was gone. I waited as they brought up my things, assuring the men that I'd be fine to unpack on my own, and after locking my door I took Selma's advice. A long, hot bath sounded like the best remedy I could hope for.

The quiet knock came after I'd set my hair and had a fresh nightgown on, along with my dressing robe. Pop-Pop's voice called to me, and I smiled. When I opened the door his smile was the first thing I noticed, and then the steaming cup of aromatic tea caught my eye.

"Thought you might need this, my Lizzie." He offered me the cup, and then kissed my temple. "You look good," I walked into the room and he followed me. "Just missed Benny." I shot him a look. "Yeah, I'm glad too." He shook his head and took a seat in the chair by my bed. "Rest, I hear it's required."

I propped the pillows against the headboard and sat back, cup of tea back in my hands. I sipped and felt the warmth fill me. "What did Father want?" He was watching me, taking in my every movement like he was making a memory book of me.

"He asked permission-" he stopped, reminding himself I guessed of my current position and how my father's ideas weren't conducive for keeping me calm. "It doesn't matter, Lizzie, he's gone." My eyes were watching him, and I knew he could see that I wanted to argue. "Ben is on thin ice, sweetheart. He knows it, or he's HEARING it more now. And what he's done where you're concerned, well, he should realize, there's only so much I'm willing to give." He took my hand and smiled. "Ellen told me you aren't supposed to be upset. So no more of that." I wanted to slap that woman silly, even this far away she was still trying to control me.

"Yes, Ellen has many ideas about my condition." I set my teacup down on the bedside table. "Why am I here?" Why now? Wasn't Klein still interested in using me to get to Ike or my father?

He smiled. "Don't you want to be with Pop-Pop, Lizzie?" Not an answer, but my smile matched his. "I want you near me, sweetheart, I want to be sure of your safety." That didn't make sense to me. "And-" his hand patted mine as he stood up. "I want you to learn your role in the family. Since you're my only grandchild, my Doris' only child, there are things you have to know." I was taking another sip and nearly choked when he offered the scariest thought ever. "It's time you learned about your inheritance, you gotta learn what it means to be a Berman, Lizzie." Kissing my forehead, he told me to rest. "Have to keep my great-grandchild healthy, sweetheart, and you."

My role, it turned out, would be to act as the lady of my grandfather's house. My room, I learned, had been my mother's. I was introduced to his people, I was given the full reign over how things would be taken care of at a domestic level. Keeping a staff on task, making menus, the things that I'd been taught at my schools.

The first real challenge came when Pop-Pop told me that I'd have to prepare for Passover, which meant, I'd be taking charge during my very first Seder. When he was reminded that my upbringing meant that my Hebrew and my knowledge of the rituals of our people was remiss, he simply put me in the hands of his rabbi. And that's how I began another round of education.

I was in knots as the day approached, spending more time in the bathroom and with the toilet than I had since arriving back in Chicago. The nerves, the fear that I would ruin something so sacred and important, the worry that I would fail and embarrass my grandfather nearly overwhelmed me.

It took meeting my new midwife, Ellen's sister, to calm me down. Mildred, who preferred to be called Mimi, smiled at me and asked questions before making demands. She wanted to know if I recalled my last cycle. When did it end? And she wanted to talk about the teas that seemed to help the constant roiling of my stomach. She listened, she smiled, and she didn't once try to slap me.

"You're not very like your sister," her smile was rueful at my compliment.

"Ellen can be harsh," not as harsh as her hand had felt when he cracked my cheek, I thought. "She tends to go overboard with her suggestions.'

"She struck me." I stared up at her as she shook her head. "I wanted to-"

"Thank you for not acting on what I'm sure were more than reasonable feelings, Miss Diamond." She sighed. "Ellen is-" Stopping she tried for a smile. "Let's not discuss her anymore, shall we?"

The rest of the visit was pleasant. She advised changing the teas, rotating them so I wouldn't get bored with any one flavor. Salty foods, she offered, were more likely to stay down than spicy or more flavorful. And then, before she left, she took the time to do a little math and said that I might be looking at an Autumn arrival. She left, assuring me that she'd be back to discuss anything I might want to discuss, and I went back to planning for my first family event. And the first family event I was leading.

As I was in the midst of working out the final plans, the Seder would take place in a day's time, the mail was handed to me. I'd taken over the sorting, Pop-Pop's correspondences, bills, and toss. I didn't expect to receive anything, no one knew where I was, or whom I was with. Seeing my name on the envelope made my stomach clench, as did the return stamp showing it came from Miami.

I set it to the side, my hands shaking, and sorted. Then I handed the letters that would go to Pop-Pop immediately, things that required payment were taken to his office, and the trash hit the bin beside me. Alone, I took a sip from my ever present tea, and then took up the envelope from Miami.

I opened it carefully, afraid of what I might find inside. A slip of stationery, the Miramar Playa's header stared back at me and I had to close my eyes, fearful of what might be waiting as I unfolded it.

Liz-

I asked Sid to send this for me, he's insistent that he doesn't know where you are, but he does know who could get this to you.

I need to know you're alright, that you're safe, sweetheart. I'm making plans to call your dad's boss, to discuss a business proposition. If it pans out, then- You shouldn't care about that, I just-

Call me, Liz? Please. I need to hear- I'll settle for the sound of you breathing. Something, Liz, anything. I'm planning on going away over Passover, but I'll be back- Call me? I know I have no right to ask anything from you, but I'm in knots, Liz.

He didn't sign it. He didn't have to. Even without the mark of his hotel, I would have known. I hadn't felt the tears sliding down my cheeks when I read the words his hand had written to me, a hand that I missed feeling on my skin, but I felt them as I stared out the window. I would call him, even if it was all I could have, hearing his voice was something I wanted more than I could imagine.