A/N: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters/locations related to the franchise. That all belongs to J.K. Rowling. I hope you enjoy the only thing I do own...the plot. Also M rating for language and possible sexually explicit scenes (really just wanted to be safe with the rating).
TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains mentions of PTSD and descriptions of Flashbacks. Please read ahead at your own risk.
-TNHGTNHGTN-
Theo lifted his wand and banished Hermione's blanket and his cloak to his room, the door separating it from the common room opening to allow the fabric to slip in before closing quietly behind it. He then shot two fireballs towards the fireplace allowing it to erupt to life before standing awkwardly next to Hermione. He reached out slowly and took her hand, gently caressing the back of her hand with his thumb in slow circles. "I'll be in my room while you talk to Ron. I-..." He hesitated, "I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" She nodded, giving him a small nervous smile. He kissed her on the forehead before walking quietly back to his room, closing the door lightly behind him. Taking his comfort and warmth and locking it behind an oaken barrier.
She took a slow breath before opening the portrait, Ron walked in quickly without waiting to be invited inside. He just flashed her a warm grin and strode in as if he had often come to her common room, when in reality he hadn't been there by himself all year. Hermione furrowed her brow before closing the door behind him. Ron had already thrown himself down on Theo's love seat when Hermione entered the common room. The look of his red hair, where black waves should have been caused her stomach to roll. Taking a deep breath she entered the room, crossing the distance to stand in front of him.
"How did you get in here 'Mione, I have been outside for an hour." She forgot that she would have to explain about Rowena's Study. Of course Ron wouldn't understand how she had entered the room without coming through the front entryway.
Thinking quickly Hermione flipped her hair over her shoulder and perched herself on the armrest of the chair Draco usually claimed, "I've been here the whole time. I had cast some silencing charms on my room so I could take a nap. I was just about to head to the library, actually," Ron nodded, accepting her answer without further questions. They stared at each other for several minutes, the silence in the room becoming unbearable when finally Ronald began to speak.
"So, I was wondering-" He started, rubbing a hand through his hair, "Sunday is Valentine's, would you like to go with me? To Hogsmeade I mean." Hermione stared at Ron and blinked a couple of times. Did he just...after they...was he…
"Are you kidding me?" She blurted, shaking her head trying to clear the confusion clouding her mind. He had never apologized from the night in the Great Hall, in fact he had been actively avoiding her for weeks now. What was going through his head for him to expect her to say yes to a date with him? "Are you joking?" He stared at her, she stared at him.
"I thought that since you saw I was right about them, you would see that it has always been you and me." He mumbled quietly, his eyes locked on hers for several minutes before he puffed out his cheeks and released a long breath.
Then his gaze drifted down.
She felt subconscious wiggling under his stare. It was only after his puzzled face contorted to one of rage that she realized what he was staring at. Theo's jumper. His Slytherin jumper.
"Oh, I see how it is." He spat, "So you're a fucking masochist then?" He stood quickly, on pure instinct her hand reached for her wand, but it wasn't there. It was on the end table with Theo's book back in Rowena's Study. Her heart started pounding, "Hermione, why are you choosing them over me?"
"I'm not!" She yelled back while standing up, "I am choosing myself! I have chosen you and Harry over every single thing in my life. I have fought, and nearly died for you. Both of you. Can't you see that I am choosing my own happiness for once."
"Happiness? With them? I could make you happy!" He advanced on her again, subconsciously she began slowly backing away. It wasn't that she was scared of Ron. Everyone knew she could best him in a duel, and she really didn't think he would ever hurt her, but he had a temper and she had never seen him this mad. When she finally realized she was moving she felt it was better to give him space, so she kept backing up until she couldn't any more. Until the stone of the castle wall dug into her shoulders, and still he advanced as if he didn't realize what he was doing. "I could! But you just won't give me a chance."
"I waited months for you to do something...anything. But you didn't. I moved on. Maybe you should too."
"I don't want to move on," He placed his hands on either side of her face, bracing himself against the stones. He was trapping her against the wall.
Trapped.
Beneath a boggart in a cave. Only it's not a boggart because this had actually happened to her. Bellatrix was real, what she had done was real. Pinned below a crazy witch wielding a cursed knife.
Trapped.
As the knife digs into her flesh, breath hot and foul against her already filthy skin.
Trapped.
Hermione's breath was coming faster now. This was Ron though. She shouldn't fear Ron. But she had been teetering on a panic attack for hours now, since the first memory she had seen where the torture curse had been spoken, and the emotional crisis finally crashed over her like a tsunami. In her mind her horrible past met her not so perfect present and it wasn't Ron anymore as the cackle of a deranged witch replaced the sound of the fire and Ron's labored breathing. She was under Bellatrix, and she was trapped.
"Hermione?" Rons concerned voice called, sounding far away. Her back sliding down stone walls leaving behind scratches and welts where it caught her skin as the jumper rode up. Her knees folded beneath her as she leaned forward on her palms. On hands and knees she gasped for breath, as her hair fell into her face. "Hermione!" His voice was full of fear, not unlike it was that afternoon almost a year ago. Her heart was beating so hard it reminded her of a bomb going off a million times in a second. Another sharp breath, and black spots are now dotting her eyes. She needed her protector and her guardian. She needed Nott. She needed…
"Back the fuck up Weasley," Parchment, Spearmint, something sweet...Theo. "Hey there love. I thought I told you I would see you in the morning. You are making a liar out of me," Strong arms folding across her back as heat began tying her back to the ground, lips pressed to the dark curls of her hair. Hermione's breathing slowed down to near normal levels as she lay clinging to Theo like a small child clung to a parent after a nightmare.
She knew in her mind that this boy was Theo, but she couldn't quite make the connection between finding comfort in Theodore Nott's arms and the end of the war. So, trapped inside her own mind she clung to him like a barnacle trying to find safety in his warmth. Her mind was still drawn back to the drawing room floor, and she was still convinced Bellatrix was going to hurt her yet again, but she found comfort in the strong embrace that smelled like parchment as she waited for the next round of the Cruciatus.
"What is wrong with her?" She could hear Ron asking from somewhere in the room. "I'm sending a Patronus to Harry," Hermione felt Theo's head nod, as confusion washed over her. How was Ron out of the basement? What was a Patronus going to do? Was he going to be hurt next? She tried to look up at Ron, to tell him to take Harry and run before Bellatrix came back. All she could see was Theo's chest, wrapped in a tight grey cotton vest.
"They need to run," She murmured into his chest.
"That's a good idea, Weasley," His voice rumbled in his chest. "I think we need to have a talk with you two." She could hear Theo and Ron both cast the incantation. Two Patronus' off to find two former enemies so that they can discuss the only thing tying them together. Her.
-TNHGTNHGTN-
When Hermione heard the portrait door open several minutes later she was still clinging to Theo. He had tried to get her to let go of him, and was getting increasingly more concerned as she refused. The concern finally came to a head when Malfoy and Harry came through the door. Hermione looked up at the sound, and once she saw Malfoy she released a tiny whimper. Malfoy stopped in his tracks and peered back at her, his brows scrunched in confusion and grey eyes staring at her in concern. "Please...please make it stop," Hermione grabbed her forearm and pinned it between her chest and Theo's as he held her tighter. "Please don't let her hurt me again." Malfoy's face warped into a twisted visage of pain as he stared down at her. He crept closer, hands open at his sides for her to see he was unarmed. He crouched on the floor next to her and Theo.
"Hermione, I would never let anyone hurt you ever again," His voice was low as he stared at her. She stared back, wanting to trust him but not remembering why.
"Ron, what is going on?" Harry asked from his new position next to Malfoy.
"Harry," Hermione looked at him, confusion knitted across her features, "You have to run before she comes back." Hermione pleaded. "Take Ron and go...I can-" She looked at Malfoy and then slowly up at Theodore...just now really seeing both of them and remembering why they were there. Remembering that she was safe. That with these four boys she should always be safe.
The tears flowed freely then, she buried her face into Theo's cotton shirt as he buried his nose in her hair. "Potter," Draco...not Malfoy...drawled, "Can you get her a cup of tea. Earl Grey with a bit of honey?" It was phrased like a question, but came out as an order. To everyone's surprise Harry followed it. "Theo," Draco's voice was softer now, but no less commanding, "get her off the floor, yeah?" Theo nodded, and carefully picked Hermione up in his arms, carrying her to the loveseat. He sat with his back up against an armrest and deposited her between his legs. One of which was positioned, bent at the knee, so his foot could rest on the floor.
"Here," Hermione peered up and graciously accepted the steaming cup Harry offered. She felt Theo's magic caress her hand as it found its way to her tea cup. The heat from the tea cooled from the wandless, wordless cooling charm he had cast. Only slightly, just enough so she could take a sip without burning her mouth. She gave Theo a watery smile as she took a deep calming drink. "Better?" Harry asked as he sat on the coffee table in front of her and Theo.
"I think so," Hermione sighed.
"Good, now someone better explain to me what the fuck happened." His voice was still soft with concern, but there was now an edge that she was familiar with. She knew there would be no waving off this incident like she had the others. He was now aware there was something wrong, and wouldn't rest until whatever it was was solved. She had heard this tone for the first time when he was convinced Snape was going to steal the Philosopher's Stone, and for the last time when he told her that he was going into the Forbidden Forest alone to face Voldemort. She took a deep breath.
"I have been struggling to...separate myself from the...from what happened to us." She said as she clung to her hot cup, allowing the warmth to help steady her shaky hands.
"What do you mean," Ron asked as he perched himself on the chair that Hermione usually claimed.
"I- Theo…" She looked at him pleadingly. He nodded just once, before holding onto her hips, and pulling her impossibly closer.
"She has panic attacks, she has severe anxiety to the point of curbing her appetite, and apparently...flashbacks can be triggered. She needs a mind healer, or a muggle therapist. I saw both after my father was incarcerated and think it would do her some good." He calmly advised. Hermione peered at Theo and saw that he had begun Occluding. She reached a hand up and touched his face until his eyes dropped from Harry and back to her.
"Please, don't…" She begged.
"I have to." Theo replied simply, "I have to right now, I will drop them after. I promise."
"Hermione needed you two," Draco's voice was hard. He rarely ever used her given name, but had used it twice since entering the portrait and once in Rowena's Study. Hermione realized suddenly that he only used it when he was scared for her, she looked up and saw him standing with his back to her, "She needed you and all you were concerned about was the Weaslette's arse, and convincing the school we were out to get her."
"Draco-" Her voice caught, the blond's back stiffened. He turned to look at her, grey eyes smoldering with an intensity that she had never seen. "Please come sit by me." His eyes bounced between hers before nodding once. Theo drew the leg that was spread out on the couch up so it was bent at the knee and was resting on Hermione's hip, making room for Draco. "You know I am alright don't you?" She asked when he sat down next to her.
"You...you thought I would let her-" Draco's voice was choked as he turned his head away from her and stared at a spot on the wall.
"No! No I don't. I am sorry,"
"Don't apologize," Theo demanded, "Malfoy, she couldn't control what was happening. Don't be such a prat, you know she's forgiven you." Draco sucked in a sharp breath through his nose twice before nodding his head and reaching for her hand. She held it, knowing he needed confirmation that she didn't blame him.
"What does all this have to do with you two?" Ron asked after a couple of moments of silence. He wasn't angry anymore, his voice was tinged with curiosity as he watched the three of them.
"They helped me." Hermione looked up at Ron, locking eyes with him. "They noticed something was wrong and they helped." Ron looked from Draco to Theo and then back at Hermione. Guilt flashed over the faces of her two oldest friends.
"We could have helped," Ron mumbled.
"No...not without me feeling guilty for telling you something was wrong." She whispered looking down in shame. "How could I explain to you that I was having trouble when you had lost Fr-" her throat tightened around the words, "Fred. How could I validate my own feelings to you when you had suffered so much more-"
"Hermione for being the smart one you can sometimes be really thick," Harry scoffed, standing up suddenly and running his hands through his already tousled hair, "You lost Fred too. You guys were close ever since D.A. Don't think I didn't notice. Do I know exactly what was going on, no. But I wasn't too thick to notice the way you turned red every time he came in the room." She blushed a little, almost proving his point, "You also lost your mother, and your father, and me for a second. You were tortured and beaten within an inch of your life, and you starved for months so Ron and I could have the most food. I- I should have noticed you weren't ok," He started tearing up then as he stared at her, green eyes shining and a look of failure crossing his face.
"I was fine-"
"No you weren't" Ron interrupted, standing up too, "'Mione, we are your best friends. You could have come to us at any time and we would have told you that what you were feeling was fine, that it was normal. You don't think George goes to a mind healer? Or mum? We have all been trying to help each other. We should have known!"
Harry walked towards her until he was touching her face holding it in both of his soft hands, "We love you. I can't believe you didn't tell us sooner...I can't believe you didn't tell me sooner." He pulled her into one of his famous hugs. The kind of hugs that told you no matter what was coming you would be safe. Ron was beside him in an instant wrapping his arms around her too. "Tomorrow you are going to Madam Pomfrey's, and we are going to get you help." She gave a shuddering breath and a small nod. A weight she didn't know she had been carrying lifted off of her and the darkness that she carried deep in her soul lightened just a little.
"Nott," Hermione looked up at Ron's voice, "I...I am sorry." He was rubbing the back of his red hair, "Thank you for helping her." Nott gave him a small nod, his face serious.
"Anytime,"
"Likewise Weasley," Draco grit out, nodding along with Theodore.
"I still don't like you," Ron declared seriously.
"You don't have too, as long as you know we are here for her whether you like us or not." Draco replied, giving a small shrug.
They stayed sitting on the couch and individual chairs long into the night. Harry and Ron eventually began chatting rather amicably with the Slytherins about school. Eventually, that led to childhood jokes and funny tales. Hermione watched it all in fascination. Who would have thought, the only thing she needed to do to bring these two parts of her life together was to have a mental breakdown. She smiled a little as Harry told Draco about the time he made his aunt swell like a balloon. Draco was laughing hard, while Theo slowly wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer.
"Well," Harry said standing and stretching, "We have to get back to Gryffindor tower. We will be back here early to take you to the Hospital Wing." He leaned down and kissed her on the head.
"Hermione," Ron gave her a small nod towards the door, and she followed him out. Harry walked down the hall to give them some privacy. "Is this why...why you didn't want to be with me?" He looked resigned, like he already knew the truth. There was still a small light of hope behind his cornflower eyes, and she cracked a little at having to be the one to snuff it out.
"No Ron," she said quietly.
He nodded, "I thought not, well…" He blew some air out of his mouth, "This is not something I want you to worry about ok?" She gave him a small smile, "I'll be alright, I just can't believe you...you chose a snake didn't you?" The malice that normally colored his voice in reference to the Slytherins was absent. She could see the small weak grin on his face.
"Yes and no. I chose Theodore Nott, but he is so much more than just a Slytherin. Spend time with him and you will find that out too." He put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a small squeeze, before blowing out a breath and rubbing the back of his red hair.
"I still don't think he deserves you."
"That's where you are wrong. I don't deserve him." She clarified, pulling Ron into a tight hug. They were not back to normal completely, but she knew they would be. Ron would always be Ron. Quick to anger, and one to hold grudges for a while but he always came back to his friends. It just took him a little longer this time than all the others.
-TNHGTNHGTN-
NatRose17 in response to your question about why Theo calls her Granger still-The answer is: It's safe.