June 22

Worked on Morgan's prosthetic today. Tests were initially looking good, but there's something in the design keeping the hand from opening fully. Digit 5 and 4 stay curled when opening from a fist. I have experienced a similar problem, but it should be an easy fix tomorrow morning.

June 23

Worked on Morgan's prosthetic today. Fixed the 5-4 bug. Code still isn't responding to pointing with digit 2. I want to point with a big digit 3. Thumb clicks when it wiggles forward- more of an aesthetic issue.

Worked on my prom outfit today. Tulle at the bottom isn't sitting properly, will re-pin and sew tomorrow.

June 24

Farm work

June 27

Got back to work on Morg's prosthetic. Fixed thumb clicking issue. A little rugged on the end- won't make for easy wearing. Working on digit 2.

Worked on paintings.

July 1

Worked on quilt for mom's birthday. Need more of the red fabric when I go out tomorrow.

July 2

Made some origami today to brighten the space and changed the curtains on the windows.

Will get back to Morg's prosthetic tomorrow.

July 4

Bought fabrics for Morg's prom outfit. See design attached.

Worked on Morg's prosthetic. Digit 2 responds to pointing, but Digit 3 has stopped responding to movement.

July 10

Worked on Morg's prosthetic. Fixed Digit 3 bug.

Worked on prom dress. Fixed tulle at the bottom and sewed. Will begin bodice tomorrow after the reaping.

September 3rd

Hi Inari. It's Kaiser.

A lot has happened since your last log here… A lot of horror and sadness. I hope that you don't mind, but your mother was nice enough to show me your workspace. It's filled with so much goodness and creativity. I don't want to take away from your sanctuary. It's so nice and cozy here. It's like a blissful little escape from the harsh realities of the real world. I have an entire mansion to myself, but the truth is that it only reminds me of what I've done. It was there that my mom tied my bowtie and sent me away for my first auction. It is the place where I fall asleep and have nightmares. It's like another prison.

But this place gives me just a little taste of comfort. I hope I will continue to be allowed to visit.

September 10th

To try and add a little bit to the space, I tried to make origami like you did Inari.

It was terrible. Next to your dainty little flowers and birds sits a piece of paper crumbled up to hell.

But there was something about just trying that put my mind at ease for a little bit.

I just woke up from a nap. I hope you don't mind that I fell asleep with your blanket on my shoulders on your desk. I don't know why I ended up looking for one of your blankets. I guess I was still hoping that it smelled like you. And it did, and I fell asleep, and I didn't have any bad dreams. It was the first rest I've had in weeks.

September 15th

I only came because I was bringing a roast turkey to your family, but they invited me in to share the dinner. I think I'm going to come back and give them some help with the horses in the coming weeks.

September 17th

I had my first day of work at the ranch yesterday. It cleared my head. Brandon told me that the horses wouldn't like me, but they wouldn't stop trying to nuzzle me with their large noses.

He thinks it's because they sense in me whatever you did.

I think it's because I gave them carrots and apples when he wasn't looking.

I would have written to you yesterday, but I wasn't about to put my sweaty, dirty self in this beautiful place.

I made a paper airplane today! It took me a couple of tries to figure it out. Those things are hard… His nose is a little crumply and he doesn't really fly straight, but I still think he can sit up there next to yours.

September 20th

This ranch work is really kicking my ass. But it's a good thing. It gives me something to do that isn't sit at home and worry about everything.

Gerry caught me feeding the horses today. He promised not to tell Brandon. I can't tell if the kid likes me or not. I guess it doesn't really matter.

September 30th

I know it's been a little while.

They day after my last entry I was summoned back to the Capitol for another auction. I thought the first one was humiliating, but honestly Inari it was nothing compared to this one. Watching people betting on me like animals. After that, I just couldn't handle coming back here. I know it's dumb, but I felt dirty coming in here after what I did. I never wanted this to happen to me. The truth is, I will always need to pay for the crimes I've committed. Ottile was right about that much.

I don't know what brought me back here. I still don't feel like I should be here. The hickeys have faded, but I can still feel them. At least I can go home and shower after a hard day's work… This is a kind of shit I will never be able to wash off.

October 5th

I hadn't touched the dress you were making because I didn't want to ruin it. But it's so gorgeous, Inari. You would have looked so amazing in it for your prom. I wish you had the chance to finish it.

I tried to sew on a button like my mom taught me, but I think it's going to fall out. I would love to finish it for you, but I guess I should start small before I destroy everything you loved.

(I'm sorry for the wet spots on this page.)

October 10th

The weather seems to have finally broken. The breezes feel so good when I'm working in the stalls. The horses perk up when they see me now. It's always reassuring to have someone happy to see you every day.

Sometimes, the horses are one of my reasons for sticking around here.

I saw that you had some scraps around that you were going to use to make a quilt for Sera. I've decided I want to make the quilt.

I have nothing to show for the hours of work on it today, but thankfully I didn't bleed on the fabric, for all the times I jabbed myself with the needle. I know I can do this, so I'm going to keep coming back until I do.

October 20th

Another long while, another auction. I hope these become more infrequent as I get older.

I found some calligraphy you were working on. It was shoved into the back of a folder, as if it was supposed to be hidden away. You must not have been very proud of it, but I think you're a jack of all trades, Moo Cow. My chicken scratch is nothing compared to that. I'm not even going to try that today.

I started the quilt! Now I have something to show for it as well. My mom doesn't know how to make a quilt, so I've been learning through reading your logs and researching through books. Going to the library was more than a little bit awkward, but it was worth it.

October 23rd

Apparently someone told Morg about me working here, because when I was working yesterday he stormed over to me and started drilling me with questions. I have to say Inari, I didn't expect you would have such feisty friends… But it seems like you were lucky to have someone that cared about you as much as Morgan.

I wish I could have been that for you too.

October 25th

I'm nineteen now.

I didn't even remember it was my birthday until I arrived for work to a surprise party. Your family teamed up with my mother to surprise me. Morgan was there too. Our mothers made me a cake and your family said that I wasn't working today, and instead they were going to teach me and Mom how to ride.

I have to say Inari, I was a little bit nervous at first. But I hadn't had that much fun in such a long time. All of us rode out to the windy plans together. Seeing the joy on my mother's face was the best birthday present ever.

I never thought that my nineteenth birthday would be this way. I thought I wouldn't make it there, or that I would be spending it in prison.

The horse I rode was Brandy. Your favorite. Destiny told me. What a gentle and noble creature. (Brandy, not Destiny.) I wanted Mom to ride her, but she kept putting her wet nose by my face and trying to nuzzle me. I guess she kind of chose me.

I wonder if she could feel what you felt. I wonder if she could sense how our hearts were one in the same… Missing you.

October 27th

My mom went on a DATE.

I mean, that's fine and everything, but it's a little weird after all this time of her worrying about me.

This man is going to get his pants grilled off in due time. I just feel so weird about it. Working has been taking my mind off of the weird feelings. I'm going to keep going with the quilt today. One square at a time. I hope you don't mind, but I found some fabric the other day as I was shopping with little doves on it, and I bought it because it made me think of Job. I will never understand that sweet little nut, but somehow looking at those little birds made me happy. Not happy enough to run a bird sanctuary, but happy enough to get the fabric.

I tried my hand at a paper boat. It ended up another paper airplane because I gave up on the whole boat thing. I'll get there someday.

October 29th

My friend Lydia Terzi was released from prison today. I made sure to be there to escort her home. If everyone's looking at me, they can't give her any sour looks after all.

She's staying with me in the Victor's Village right now. As soon as she gets the proper supplies, I'm going to ask her to give me a tattoo.

I found a sketch you did in your sketchbook. I honestly didn't mean to pry, I was looking for something else. But when I saw the first sketch of your prom dress, I was blown away. It only makes me think of how beautiful it would have been in real life.

I hope you don't mind me getting it inked on my body.

I just want to hold onto a piece of you forever.

October 30th

The guy Mom was seeing broke her heart.

It's been a rough and tough kind of week this week, but I've been putting in plenty of work on the quilt trying to get away from it all. It's been a good distraction. Today I got three squares done and I only stabbed myself ONE time. I'm sure you would have had the thing finished by now.

Morgan has started spending time with me here. She's trying to work on the prosthetic, something I'm absolutely no help with. I offered to just buy her one, but she didn't want a fancy Capitol prosthetic. She wanted one made by you.

I respect that.

October 31st

Lydia tattooed me today. Ever since we've both been out of prison, I think that we've become better friends. Prison does some crazy stuff to you. In our working in the same space, I ended up telling Morgan a little bit about her. The three of us ended up going out for drinks, and to be honest by the end of the night I kind of felt left out, which I wasn't expecting.

I'm not THAT salty. Only a little bit.

Anyways, we've all been doing okay here. Things are starting to look up from last week at least.

November 2nd

Worked on the quilt today. Might start a new project later. I noticed that you have some felt laying around. My mom's birthday is coming soon, so maybe I'll try to make something with that.

November 3rd

Gave up on the felt.

I think I'm going to weave her a hotpad instead. She'll like that, won't she? If it was made by love?

November 4th

Weaved the hotpad. I didn't know what colors to use so I borrowed the color set you had set out for whatever project you were going to knit next. The yarn was so neatly put together.

Her birthday is coming up soon and I hope she'll like it. I'm proud of it.

November 16th

Mom's birthday has come and gone. I had to be out on the actual day. It was as if they knew when her birthday was, and were trying to keep me away from her on that day.

I think she went and spent it with your family, or perhaps some of the friends she's made when she goes to book club now. But I couldn't help but think of her the whole night. Well, not while I was actually, y'know, performing, because that would have been weird…

November 17th

Today was Ottile's birthday. I made her another potholder.

Crew bought her a beautiful array of her favorite spices.

I didn't actually do much today, but I was laughing my ass off and had to come write it down.

November 19th

I'm almost done with the quilt now. I plan to get it done before December so I can take it on the Victory Tour with me. I'm trying not to think about the Victory Tour, but it's hard not to be worried about it.

When I'm shoveling shit and sneaking Brandy carrots, I'm not thinking about it though. That's what I've been trying to do, but I can't work all of the time. I think I might want to start some sort of hobby at home, but I don't know what that would be.

November 20th

Crew realized he missed my birthday, so he decided to have a party for me today. The party was me, him, Ottile, and his three cats. (Who absolutely adore me, by the way.)

Apparently his oldest cat decided to hijack the party by going into his dark bedroom and having a litter of kittens under the bed. Crew cried because of the "miracle of life," and then because his cat upstaged my party.

I'm going to get two of the kittens as a birthday present from him. He also got us matching T-shirts to wear when we're mentoring together.

Now all that's left to do is wait for the kittens to grow and become independent.

Damn, I'm impatient.

Is this what pregnancy is like?

November 23rd

Did you know I have to wait at least 8 WEEKS for the kittens?! God.

Lydia is planning to move out after I get back from the Victory Tour. She and Morgan are going to get a flat closer to downtown and pursue their artistic dreams there together, or something. That's a good thing for me, because it means they'll be close to the Victor's Village.

I kept working on the quilt; I think I'm going to finish it on time!

November 26th

It's been a while.

Brandy had a nasty case of colic early this morning. She's just fine now, the vets came and drained her stomach. I'm glad it was an easy fix, but I've still been a little bit shaken by it the past couple of days. To see her in such discomfort wasn't easy for me.

I'm glad she's okay now, but I've been checking on her every couple hours, just in case. Now that the big scare is over, though, I'm going to try and relax and get back to work on this quilt.

November 28th

I worked my ass off, but the quilt is finished! Some of the squares are crooked and the stitches don't match the colors of the border, but it's so soft. I'm going to take it straight home and wash it.

I'm not a man of many tears, Inari, but I swear to the great Job up above, if this thing falls apart in the wash, I'm going to cry.

November 29th

Didn't fall apart in the wash! Mom was very surprised but proud of what I made. It's all ready to go for the tour.

The tour… Dammit…

November 30th

Your mother is engaged! I'm not exactly sure how you would feel about Finley proposing. But they both seemed so happy.

Don't worry though, Inari.

I'll be sure to protect her like I protected my own mother.

After all she's done for me, it's the least I can do.

December 3rd

This is the last time I'll be around for a while.

Tomorrow, I'll be prepped up for the Victory Tour and sent to each of the Districts. I will have to face the friends and family of the tributes that died for me to live. I have to say… I don't think I'm ready for this. I doubt anyone is ready when it comes.

Crew is coping with this by giving me a notebook with his advice in it, but even he knows that nothing prepares you for this kind of pain. He's usually a chipper person: he has to be in order to keep living: but the Tour was enough to deflate him.

Ottile has also become far more protective over the past few weeks. I know that I will have her and Inspektor there to help me, but I can't help but worry about freezing up on the stage. I just have to do what they want of me, and I'll be okay. If I mess up… I worry I'll continue to be punished.

Being a good egg is in my nature now. Being obedient is who I've become. I don't really have a choice if I'm going to continue to provide for and protect my loved ones. I feel like I've become a different person than I was right after leaving this Arena. Some days look up for me. I try to keep myself from spiraling by entertaining my hands with a task.

These hobbies were once your whole life, and now I have to say that they're mine, too.

As much as it pains me to leave this sanctuary behind, I don't have a choice right now. Honestly, I don't think I will have the courage or guts to come back here after I come home from the Tour. I will say what I'm told to say, even if I don't like it. Like an obedient dog performing tricks. I hope you understand that this is the only choice I have.

I hope that someday I will have it in me to come back here and continue to practice so that I can someday finish what you've started. I wish I could make you that promise. But I can't.

Either way, having you here in this space for the past few months has meant everything to me. I will continue to keep you in my heart. You and the others who made the sacrifice for me have really made me into a better person today than I was before. It is because of all of you that I continue to put one foot in front of the other every day. It is because of you all that I want to strive towards something bigger.

Thank you for everything you were to me. For providing me with just a moment of sanctuary here, in your place. I will never forget the feeling of benevolence I've felt here. It is truly special.

I want to come back here someday. I love this place, and I love you Inari.

But no matter what happens, I can leave you with this promise. No matter what they try to throw at me or what happens next…

I'll never stop travelling forward.

~.~.

A/N: And it's over folks! It's been a long journey for this one full of emotional ups and downs for me and for the world. Seeing this story go is a very bittersweet thing for me. It's been a long time coming, but there were just so many wonderful characters that I got to work with and that has been irreplaceable for me. I'm glad it all got to come together in such an unforgettable way. I laughed, I cried, I forgot windows, I conveniently added things as necessary, but ultimately what's important is that I had a hell of a lot of fun doing it all. Thank you to those that joined me on this adventure and sent me such wonderful and fun characters to work with.

My next partial, Deliver Us From Evil, has subs open and the story will be posted after WoF's finale is over. I hope you all consider sending me another of your beautiful children.

Alright, I'll keep the sap low, but another huge thank you to all of you, my friends and supporters, for sharing this journey with me and seeing it through to this, the very end. I loved every moment of it and I appreciate every moment of our friendship.

I hope to see you all back on Celtic Airlines soon!