THE JAMESTOWN GAZETTE
October 15, 10 NE
SURVIVORS DISCOVERED AT HOG ISLAND
by Connie Alvarado, Editor & Chief Reporter
On October 7, a group of Jamestown hunters, fishermen, sailors, and guards returned to the Hog Island Wildlife Management Center for the purposes of obtaining additional winter stores of seafood and wild game. While the Jamestown Navy explored most of the four-mile island in its initial expedition, it overlooked an area of approximately three hundred acres in the very center of the island. It was in this previously unexplored zone that Manager of Hunting and Forestry Daryl Dixon, along with deputy and councilwoman Carol Dixon and hunter Mitch Robinson, discovered a small camp of survivors.
"Got the drop on us," Daryl Dixon admitted to reporters. "Ain't sure how exactly. Didn't hear them coming, and I hear damn near everything. Course, Carol would've found a way to take them all out, if them girls had actually wanted to kill us. My wife's a bad ass like that."
Councilwoman Carol Dixon reported that the team of three was suddenly surrounded by six young women, four bearing compound bows of conspicuously small size and two with B.B. guns. "We put up our weapons until we could assess the situation," Carol said. "The bows were child-size, but the arrows were real enough and would have pierced. The B.B. guns could have caused some damage with enough shots or well-enough placed shots."
Hunter Mitch Robinson added, "Those ladies were fierce. I thought we'd accidentally wandered into the Amazon."
After a tense moment, Councilwoman Dixon took the lead on negotiation, and the surrounding party lowered their weapons as well. Further talks revealed that the group had heard noise from Jamestown's last hunting expedition, but unable to assess the threat, had remained hidden. The six young women were initially part of a Girl Scout Service Unit that had been camping at a the rustic camp grounds in the center of the island accessible only by foot trail. Twenty-nine girls and eight adult leaders had been present for the camping trip, but over the past ten years, most had died off, leaving only these six survivors.
"It was kind of sad," Mitch Robinson told reporters. "When they met us and saw we had these semiautomatic rifles and decent clothes…well, Carol and I had decent clothes…and they saw that Carol had a solar-powered walkie talkie…well, for a moment, they thought it was all over. They thought that beyond their island, there must have been a cure, that things were back to normal, and that the cannibals only existed on their island anymore. We had to tell them that wasn't the case, but that we did have a better, safer place to live. A real town. A primitive town, but a town."
When the Girl Scouts began their camping expedition, they belonged to four different troops of varying ages. The young women are now all aged eighteen to twenty-two. Over the last ten years, they've taught themselves a variety of hunting, trapping, and fishing skills. They obtained water from a nearby creek and secured their campgrounds from cannibals by building a crude log wall around the perimeter accented by pikes similar to those protecting Jamestown's fence. They also scavenged for berries in the forest and boiled acorns to remove the tannins and safely consume them for added nourishment. "Despite these efforts," Lieutenant-Mayor Dr. Ibrahim Ahmad told reporters, "all of the young women were underweight and slightly malnourished when discovered. After the completion of their physical exams, they were prescribed vitamins extracts which our apothecary Raul Dominquez prepares. Over the next few months, they should regain full health."
The team cut their hunting expedition short and returned with the women on October 8. "Still got 'bout hundred pounds of wild game," Daryl Dixon said. "After dressing. 'N some clams and crabs 'n shit."
"Nineteen pounds of pure, picked crab meat and twenty-two pounds of unshelled clams, to be exact," Commander Witherspoon reported.
After physical exams and interviews, the six women were granted probationary admission to Jamestown and assigned jobs. "They should be full-citizen in four weeks," Mayor Garland Barron said. "However, I would like to remind the men of Jamestown that these women have lived alone on an island for a decade, without any men. Their adult leaders all died within the first three years after the eruption of the Great Sickness. These young women began the apocalypse as children, some as young as eight-years-old. The oldest was twelve. They obtained adulthood during the apocalypse, in the company of only their female, same-age peers. And they're going to be receiving psychological counseling at the expense of Jamestown over the next few months."
"What my husband means," Councilwoman Shannon Barron clarified, "is back the hell off, boys. Give these poor young women some space for at least the next six months while they get their bearings in Jamestown and get used to living in society again. Then maybe you can start your wooing subtlety and gently."
See page eight of the Jamestown Gazette for profiles of all six of our latest refugees. Sketches have been provided courtesy of Andrew Davies, who, after a two-month absence, has once again resumed his role as illustrator for the Jamestown Gazette.
Mayor Barron to Attend Annual Trade Fair in November
by Avi Amble, Cub Reporter
For the first time since Jamestown has begun attending the annual trade fair at Oceanside, Jamestown's mayor will be attending the festivities. "I thought it was about time I shook some more hands in the Alliance," Mayor Barron told reporters. "But I was reluctant to leave my post as mayor the first two years. Carol attended last year, and if I had gone, there would have been neither mayor nor lieutenant-mayor in Jamestown. But this year Dr. Ahmad, as lieutenant-mayor, will act in my stead while I'm gone."
Mayor Barron will be attending with his wife, Shannon, and both of his children, Gary and VanDaryl. Only Shannon and VanDaryl attended the fair last year. "A lot more Jamestown children will be going this year," Councilwoman Shannon Barron said. "Which is a good thing. They need to meet the other kids. This next generation will be building up the alliance. Building up the world, really."
The Jamestown Council has voted to send two ships this year, stocked with goods for trade. The second will sail from the midpoint station. Applications to join the trade trip are due by October 29th. Priority will be given to those who have family members or serious love interests in the Alliance or who can provide necessary services onboard the ship.
ANNOUNCEMENTS
Births
Zayan Ali Cooper was born October 5, 10 NE to proud parents Jerry and Nabila Cooper of the Hilltop Colony. The not-so-little tyke, despite arriving four weeks ahead of schedule, weighed in at 10 pounds, 1 ounce and was 22 inches long. He has curly black hair and dark brown eyes. He joins his older siblings, sisters Jeri, age two, and Amira, age three, and his big brother Junior (Gerald "Jerry", Jr.), age 5. Zayan is a name meaning "beautiful," "hospitable," or "graceful." Welcome to our world, Zayan!
Birthdays
Happy birthday to Jack Morrison who turns 12 next week! Jack, an orphan from the raid of 5 NE, is sponsored by Farm Manager Gunther Hamilton. Jack is graduating a semester early from the upper school and will be beginning his cowboy apprenticeship in January of 11 NE, under the tutelage of Mr. Hamilton. Jack will be learning to herd cattle and break horses.
Engagements
Mitch Robinson of Jamestown is pleased to announce his engagement to Aaron Marquand of Alexandria. Their wedding ceremony will be held December 2, 10 NE at the Jamestown chapel with close friends and family in attendance. A reception will follow at Linda's Tavern. The reception is open to the public, but all drinks must be paid for by the individuals attending.
Obituaries
It is with great sadness that we report the death of Stinky Dixon, beloved pet of Alexandra Sweetheart Dixon. Stinky passed away of natural causes on October 4, 10 NE and was honored in a private ceremony at the Dixon family garden, which has become the little brown skink's final resting place. A small cross of branches has been erected to mark his grave. The family requests, "In lieu of flowers, send beer."
GOSSIP COLUMN
by Trisha Ivanov
Babies! Babies! Babies! Former longtime Jamestown resident Candy Porter, who gave birth to Gunther (Gunny) Porter in Alexandria in December of last year, is once again expecting! Porter #2 should also join the world sometime in May. At that time, Gunny will be about seventeen months old, and Candy and Eugene are no doubt going to have their hands full!
So by now you've all heard that Jamestown is going to have it's first gay wedding this December! It's going to be fabulous! Sorry, gentlemen, but these two handsome and capable men are OFF THE MARKET. Aaron and Mitch are going to tie the knot right here in Jamestown. Aaron's daughter Gracie will be playing flower girl, and RJ Grimes has been enlisted as ring bearer. Rumor has it that eight guests from Alexandria and the Hilltop will be in attendance, along with a handful of people from Jamestown, and our own Daryl Dixon will be serving as best man and maid of honor! (Don't tell him that maid of honor part, though, because it makes him extra grumpy. More than usual.)
Sadly, although Mitch won the battle over where the wedding will be held, it seems we'll be losing him after the wedding. The couple plans to pack up Mitch's possessions and return to Alexandria on December 5th, before the winter, where they're settling permanently. That means Mitch's orphan Evangeline, who has three years before she ages out of the program, is going to need a new sponsor. Mitch offered to adopt her fully and bring her to Alexandria, but she prefers to remain in the orphanage until she comes of age and to stay settled at Jamestown. Mitch will continue to pay all her sponsorship fees until a new sponsor can be found, but here's hoping someone steps up not only to pay this young lady's rations, but to also play sponsor – which means spending time with your orphan – movies, trick or treating, fishing, and all sorts of fun! Contact Cynthia Wilmington, Head of the Orphanage, for details.
Okay, I've heard the rumors about my own love life, so let me just set this straight – no, I did NOT hook up with Eduardo from the Hilltop when he was here for the Knowledge Share Program. We had a few drinks and laughs together, and that was all. I am NOT looking for a man right now. I know a lot of you fellows think that just because I'm single again, I'm back on the market. You think because of my former profession you can entice me with a few gifts and I'll want to jump right into a so-called "relationship." Well I'm here to say – NO, SIR! I'm still healing from my divorce, and I am declaring next year - 11 NE – to be the Year of Trisha. That's right, gentlemen. 11 NE is the year I'm going to be working on myself – as a mother to my Little John, as the assistant manager of Linda's Tavern who is learning all the ropes of the business, and as an independent woman. Hear me roar!
CRIME REPORT
by Sheriff Earl Carter
September 30, 8:50 PM Lewd Conduct. Seaman Rooker was reported for lewd conduct toward a waitress at Linda's Tavern after smacking the young woman's posterior region and speaking words that do not bear repeating in a respectable publication. The court has fined him a week's worth of tobacco, and he was remanded to Captain McBride for the issuance of further naval discipline at the discretion of the captain.
October 11, 11:40 PM Curfew Violation, Noise Violation. Andrew Davies was apprehended for violating curfew and creating a noise violation by standing outside of Trisha Ivanov's open window past curfew and loudly attempting to serenade her on the ukulele. He was determined not to be intoxicated but was found to be out of tune. The target of the serenade declined to press charges for harassment, and Mr. Davies was subsequently issued a warning. A further violation will result in fines.
CLASSIFIEDS
Personals
Male pen pal wanted. I'm a fifteen-year-old girl at Oceanside and would love to practice my letter writing with a nice boy (or boys) age fourteen to sixteen. Contact Lacy Wilkes. No gross sex stuff but you can write romantic stuff.
Ex-wife wanted back. I'm so sorry, Trisha. I really am. I haven't had a drink in 22 days. You can even ask the counselor. He'll tell you. I know I screwed up. Please forgive me. Little John shouldn't grow up with his dad living in the old barracks. He needs a dad at home. Contact Andrew Davies. Please.
Help Wanted
New hunting partner starting December 1. Council says I got to have one. Mine's leaving me for my other best friend. Must be a good shot. Know your tracks. No excessive talkers. No assholes. No dumb asses. Contact Daryl Dixon.
Goods and Services Offered
One-room hut for sale in Indian Village. Move in after December 5. If not sold, the Council will reclaim it by eminent domain (with compensation) and it will be rented out by the Council in the future. So if you can offer more than the government is offering me, it's yours. Contact Mitch Robinson.