Chapter Twenty Eight: The Talk
James found himself almost talking to Willow again. They always had these random moments in the locker room whenever they were alone— one of them (James) opens their mouths as if to say something— then nothing comes out.
It happened after a particularly grueling practice, the two of them the last to come out the showers. James could hear her hair dripping on the ground and wished she would just dry his hair with a spell.
He opened his mouth to tell her— but he predicted her eyes would blink with confusion and her to reply in Willow's monosyllabic way, a defensive "okay," and it would feel like we were never friends. Like they never knew each other.
James reflected on this moment as he sat quietly in his shared flat with Fred. Fred was in training to take over his father's business, but that was expected of him anyways. In the meantime, he worked a desk job at Gringotts which he neither hated or enjoyed.
"What's made you so quiet?" Fred asked. James nodded his head towards the couch where Emma Longbottom sat.
The girl had changed since Hogwarts— still shy, but now with a newfound, quiet confidence. She was working at the Ministry, her title constantly shifting due to what seemed like promotion after promotion. She and Fred had developed a suspiciously close relationship that James was pretty sure would end up in a messy relationship of the sort.
He warned Fred against sleeping with her and Fred had responded that she was not the kind of girl that would anyways.
"So, Willow," Fred blurted. James growled and Emma pretended to not have heard, but her raised eyebrows said different.
"You wanker," James said, his ears pink. "I'm over her," He directed to Emma who just nodded to humour him.
"Yeah, sure." Fred scoffed and James shot him a warning look. He was over Willow Wood in many ways, but it wasn't like he could wash her entirely out of his system. She still popped up time and again.
Seeing her almost everyday didn't help. He had known her since their first year of Hogwarts, had seen her almost everyday.
When he didn't see her the entire summer after they graduated, it nearly killed him. They were constant figures in each other's lives, to lose each other felt like death to James at least.
They didn't even mean to join the same team, but it just happened that they choose Puddlemere United which James found to be both a cruel yet comforting coincidence. James got the best offer from Puddlemere, plus he thought it had the greatest chance of him moving up from reserves quickly.
Willow wasn't too happy about joining her father's old team when he was her age, but he had been so proud when she told him, she decided that it was the right choice. She hadn't gotten any offers from Holyhead Harpies which she cried about for a bit. But truthfully, Willow had cried all summer about James anyways so it wasn't anything new.
James had cried nearly all summer too, replaying Willow's rejection over and over in his head. You're going to forget all about me when you find someone you can actually love.
He thought about their long alcohol-induced argument during the after party, how she kept telling him it won't work over and over again. How she had let him have the moment when they kissed in the middle of the field, but quietly reminded him that it wasn't going to happen. Don't forget me.
This made James so confused because how could he ever forget her? He protested to her at the after-party and she had just shook her head and assured him that he will.
She had hugged him so tightly when James finally gave up on fighting for them, like it was the last time she'd ever see him. How was she to know that they would end up on the same professional Quidditch team together?
But James did move on in the summer— slowly he let go of the thought of him and Willow together, just as she started to embrace the very same thought. It was a strange thing, but Willow had never got it in her head that she and James were one and whole together, that his love was genuine and worthwhile. But most of all, she had never got it her head that she really did love him.
But James had and he had released that idea of him and Willow together forever. He recognized it as a dream; Willow didn't want him, it would never work because she didn't want it to. So once he moved on, he felt full again, he was able to date other girls and not feel guilty afterwards.
But James didn't release Willow or the love he had for her from all his memories which made it harder for him to see her and Jamie leave practice together. Sometimes, he'd want to slam Jamie against the wall, but other days, he'd just grit his teeth and swallow his anger. As it looked to James, Willow didn't seem to care about him and Marie.
Not that he wanted her to care, but he would've liked to see her show any emotion nowadays. It was like she was a whole new person after Hogwarts. She had always been moody, but quiet was not a word he'd use to describe her. Yet, she had become so quiet and reserved, not the Willow he remembered.
Marie had come into the picture much later. She sent him an intriguing look during his first practice as a professional Quidditch player and the two had flirted a bit afterwards when they were alone. James asked her to coffee, she said yes, and that was it. There was nothing special about it, typical of how most relationships start. It wasn't like him and Willow, all the fighting and rivalry and friendship and relationship and secret relationship, all the ups and downs. But he decided that he preferred the simplicity compared to the dramatics. It was just so much easier. He didn't have to fight for Marie, it felt all very normal and good.
"It's great," Marie and James were eating dinner at her flat. She had made pasta that tasted of citrus, something that she made often. James normally would just order takeout or make an astonishingly terrible version of a recipe his mum had sent him. But Marie cooked for herself every night and consequently, James when he came over.
"I'm glad you like it," Marie said, tucking a piece of her red hair back. James' family loved that Marie was a redhead. His uncle Ron said he was taking after his father which made him chuckle. "I know the idea of lemon and pasta creeped you out at first."
"It just seemed weird, like lemon flavour is for biscuits. But I guess," James got up to get a second helping. "Pasta as well." She giggled.
"Fred wouldn't be able to comprehend eating this well everyday," He declared. "Sometimes, he just eats candy for dinner. Literally he'll take a handful of chocolates, a firewhiskey, and call it a night."
Marie let out an ugly, barking laugh which James liked about her. He liked that she let herself laugh as much as she wanted. It was very freeing to watch. "He should come over for dinner sometime," She added once her laughter subsided. "You're over here so much anyways, he probably gets lonely."
"No," James shook his head. "Fred prefers me out, he can get laid easier without having a roommate that's there all the time."
"Erm, James," Marie placed her hand on his. He looked up at her expectantly, taking in her angular, catlike eyes and bright complexion. "Have you ever thought about maybe moving in with me?"
James nearly spat out the pasta.
His immediate reaction was to scream "NO!" over and over again, but he didn't know why. He liked Marie, they had never actually had any big fights, only small disputes that got resolved with a joke from James that would make her smile.
"I can't stay mad at you," She would always say.
And she didn't ever make James mad, only sometimes he did feel weird about himself with her. She was older than him, twenty two, but three years was nothing, or so James thought. She felt so mature to him, so grown up.
He was only nineteen, almost twenty, but still, he felt like he was a kid. And moving in with his girlfriend? That wasn't what he thought he would be doing at this age.
Marie, having noticed the horrified look on James' face, patted his hand and added, "You don't have to say yes— I just...Godric, was that too soon to ask? I just thought since you're here all the time anyways and you just said Fred doesn't mind when you're gone so I just assumed— " The redhead was now talking a mile a minute, something she did when she was nervous which James found both cute and overwhelmingly stressful.
"I just— " He broke through her babbling. "— I just need to think about it for a day or so." An awkward tension between the two rose. Marie twirled a noodle on her fork, stealing glances at James whose eyebrows were furrowed up in concentration.
"I want to say yes," He lied when he noticed her staring. "What's making you hesitate?" She asked.
"Well," James paused. He had never been known for his subtlety, known more for his lack of. He didn't know how to say the next words without sounding like an arse. "I'm nineteen. Well, basically twenty. It just feels like I'm moving through my twenties too fast. I don't know that sounds dumb, but I never imagined myself moving in with a girlfriend until I'm past twenty one at least..."
"Not even with her?" Marie didn't say this to be catty, but her voice sounded on edge. "That was different," he quickly said. She squinted her eyes but didn't push the subject.
He opened up about his past relationship with Willow to her on one of their first dates and had expected Marie to tell him to fuck off, but she was understanding and curious. He had, of course, assured her that he was no longer committed to Willow.
Truthfully, James didn't think his and Willow's future (when he thought they had a future) through entirely. But he did automatically assume that it would entail getting a flat with her which at the time didn't feel like he would be moving through his twenties too fast. Maybe it was because he was just so certain they would be forever, that she would always be a constant in his life. He irrationally felt as though Marie was asking him to settle down with her. He didn't think of Marie and him as forever, but he did love her and did not want to lose her.
Marie let out a sigh which James raised an eyebrow at. "What was that?"
"Nothing," She said. "Well, okay, fine. I'm getting the feeling that you don't want to be in a committed relationship."
"What?" He reacted to this with a nervous laugh. He didn't enjoy one night stands or casual dating. That just wasn't James, he liked being with one person and one person only. "You know how I feel about no strings attached." She did, having asked James more than enough questions about the nature of his relationship with Willow.
"I'm not talking about that," Marie said. "I think you don't want a serious relationship right now. You graduated Hogwarts about a year ago, you're still settling to young adulthood. I get it."
"But I don't want to see other people," James protested.
"Then what do you want?" James didn't know. He wanted a serious relationship with Marie, but he didn't realize that entailed moving in.
"If I move in, my family will start planning our wedding and naming our future children, you know?" James shrugged his shoulders back.
"Oh," She responded. Marie and him were never clear about what they were getting themselves into, but James had assumed they both did not date to marry. He didn't see marriage as his end goal with Marie, he just liked spending time with her. Was that not valid?
She looked up at him mournfully. "Do you just not want to move in with me? Is it me?"
"No," James squeezed her hand. "It's not you, not at all. I mean, why did you ask me to move in?"
"Because," She paused. "It just makes sense, like the next stage of our relationship, I suppose."
"I wasn't thinking about marriage, just so you know." She added. "But I do want this relationship to be serious— "
"So do I." James was pretty sure that he was telling the truth.
"Okay," She said. "So...?"
"Okay," He said softly. "Okay. Yeah. Let me talk to Fred first, but yeah. I'll move in with you."