Chapter 28

To say the next few days are tough would be the correct way to describe them. I often find myself drifting off as I work into my head, and numerous times I've had to unstitch something, and my fingers are littered with tiny red dots. I'm just glad I haven't managed to send a needle through my skin at this stage.

I spend most of the time in my room through the day or attending to whoever requests my services. Most nights are with Gaius and Merlin as I share dinner with them. Sometimes I visit Castor, but I'm scared that I will run into Leon.

When I have been unfortunate enough to be in the same room, I'm determined to stay civilised and keep my head forward, using all my concentration to focus on anything else. Sometimes I can see his eyes glancing at me and when he's not looking, I throw my own.

It's almost as though we've gone from lovers to complete strangers and I mockingly sing 'Somebody I used to Know' in my head as I wander through the hallways.

Castor had talked with me, asking if I could talk to him but I refused, saying there's no point at this time. Everything is still so fresh that it would end in an argument which is not the outcome I want. Neither Leon or I can compromise, and that's the issue. If I could, I would.

Maybe one day he'll know, like Castor said. When Arthur is King and lifts the ban on magic and I can tell him everything.

I had briefly told Merlin and Gaius about the events and they took my hint of brushing it aside and didn't bring it up or constantly dote on me as though I would break any second. Arthur on the other hand has been softer than usual but I don't say anything as I can tell that he only wants to help.

In fact, I also find myself around Gwen more often, which leads to me with Morgana as well and I wander the markets with the both of them, looking at pretty things. They had asked me how I was doing at first but after my confession that I had hated talking about it they avoided the subject. Esmerelda has left for a short while, to visit her family but promised to return to Camelot.

Maybe it's for the best. In a way everything was built on lies. Where I come from, what I do, what I am. If we went through with marriage, I would still have to hide my true self and he doesn't deserve that. At least this way there is one less person that I have to lie to.

I don't think I could've gone through with marrying him anyways. I would be drowned in the guilt that he has no idea about me. But we've ended because of the lies I keep anyways. At least we weren't bound by law yet.

But every single night, even though I convince myself it was the right decision, I lie in bed with my head swallowed by the blanket the muffle my cries and hid my face. This wasn't a two-month thing fling. This was a nearing two-year relationship with someone I considered one of my best friends. So, I lost a friend as well. I tried so hard to direct my anger at Arthur and Merlin, to give it all something to blame but I just could not bring myself to do it. Not after seeing everything Merlin goes through and certainly not Arthur who is oblivious to absolutely everything.

I do regret my words to him though. I have absolutely no regrets coming back to Camelot, perhaps only leaving Gwaine behind but I have a feeling that one day he will come to Camelot or I would run into him sometime in the future. If he writes again, I will ask if he would like to visit somewhere close by so he can tell me what he's been up to and see his face in person.

I also regret throwing my necklace on the ground. It is precious to me and just because all this has happened doesn't mean I've stopped loving him. I feel like I've thrown everything he's done for me back in his face but that is only the complete opposite to how I feel and it tears my insides apart. I find myself reaching to fiddle with it through the day when I'm thinking, only to feel the emptiness on my neck.

I want it back so badly, but I can't just go ask for it. Would he still even have it or has he sold it off somewhere. It was expensive so I wouldn't blame him if he has.

It's the middle of the day and I saunter through the castle lazily with a dress in need of mending folded roughly in my arms. I pass by the corridor and find my feet leaning towards the window. I lean against the wall, looking out over the training field. Merlin is the first to catch my eye, awkwardly standing amongst the burly men in armour much too big for him. Beside him is Arthur, swinging his sword fashionably. My gaze flutters to Leon and Castor who are parrying intently.

An idea grows in my mind. A selfish one but once it's rooted, I just can't bring myself to dig it out. I jog back to my room. Even though I know they are still at training, not likely to come back up for hours, I feel a slight panic at the thought of getting caught.

I chuck the dress on my desk and go back out into the corridor and slowly walk towards Leon's room. I grasp the handle, scanning the corridor for any prying eyes but find none and push the door open.

Just as usual, the knight's room is clean and organised. I feel like an intruder, which in a way I am. I filter through the spots in which he could put the necklace and there only his draws by his bed and his desk. Unless he's placed it in his wardrobe.

I go to the bedside drawers first, seemingly like the most likely option if he's kept it. There are trinkets and letters inside them. My fingers brush over the ones from me. I want to pick them up and take them. Burn them with a candle.

I shove the thought aside, hastily shutting the drawers. I walk over to the desk instead, brushing the paperwork aside. But my energy is wasted as the bright silver and green shines at the edge of the desk, neatly laid out as if put there purposefully on display.

For a moment I question myself. It's not mine to take but I have so many memories associated with it that I don't want to leave behind.

I take it from the desk, hiding it in a closed fist and quickly walk out of the room and back into my own. I inhale loudly as I close the door, not sure whether I feel happy or not about my actions.

I open my hand, eyeing the pendant before closing it again.

I can't wear it. Not when I technically stole it. It would be practically screaming that I snuck into his room. I settle for the idea of placing it in my own set of draws next to my bed, right next to the letters from Gwaine and my knife that I have when I wear boots.

It will stay there, hidden from everybody but myself.

xx

I wake in the morning much earlier than I would have liked but as hard as I try, I just cannot fall back asleep.

"May as well start the day," I moan.

The weather is much nicer than the night's, a cool sun rather than a stormy night. I ponder about what I should do, and my eyes settle on Prince Arthur's jacket I've been repairing. He wears the damn thing so often that there's almost always something that needs mending on it.

It is much too early to wake the Prince, but he leaves his room unlocked. As long as I am quiet, I could go in and return the jacket. So I do just that.

I open the Prince's wardrobe placing the jacket back on a hanger. Arthur is still fast asleep, not yet waken by Merlin or his body clock.

I start checking over his clothes for anything that may need my help but a door opening takes my attention. Merlin enters, holding something in his hands.

He notices me staring at him and for a moment he hesitates, looking at me with uncertainty. I look down at his hand and eye the bread and what looks like an apple, but I cannot be too sure. Merlin then looks at Arthur's plate of food which is full of meat, bread and cheese.

"What are you doing?" I mouth, the words coming out as a hushed whisper. Merlin scrunches his face.

"Please don't say anything," he begs, just as quietly. I still watch him, more so out of curiosity and worry about what he's going to do but I nod and go back to shuffling through clothes but watch him out of the side of my vision.

Merlin cleans the plate of Arthur's food off into a white cloth and hides it in between his body and clothes, placing the rotting apple and likely stale bread on the counter-top instead. I raise my eyebrows to myself but don't say anything.

Merlin walks over to the curtains, pulling them open hastily.

"Breakfast!" he calls, awakening the Prince.

I make myself busy, inspecting one shirt closely as Arthur sits up to look at his breakfast. I can't help but watch, again from the side of my eye, as Arthur picks up the replacement meal in one hand, the apple squishing under his fingers.

"Oi! Where's the meat? Cheese?" he cries out.

"That's the new breakfast menu," Merlin says, his hand resting on his jacket to keep the food tucked in safely.

"This isn't enough," Arthur counters. I would be complaining more so about the quality of the food than the amount but I keep that to myself.

"We, we've got to keep you in shape," Merlin stammers out as an excuse. Arthur's face contorts from confusion and frustration into offence and anger.

"I'm fighting fit!" he exclaims.

I glance over his body which is exposed from the sheets being dropped. I mean, he is right there. Fighting fit is a fitting term.

"But we want to keep you that way."

Merlin goes to walk out the door, his hand still holding the food in place under his jacket.

"Merlin!" he shouts, throwing the food at the poor servant. Although, I supposed he does deserve it this one time. "Is there somewhere you have to be?" he inquires, his tone now settled but sarcasm dripping from it.

"Of course not!"

"Good. 'Cause I've got some chores for you to do."

I laugh to myself at Merlin's face. Obviously, he has something on his mind, and somewhere to be and I can bet my life it is anywhere but here. Merlin begins cleaning up the room. Arthur, hearing my laugh snaps his head to me.

"How long have you been there?" he cries, pushing himself out of bed.

"The entire time, Sire," I answer, keeping my eyes off his bare chest. Placing the shirt that I've been inspecting for far too long back on its hanger. I glance at the pathetic food on the floor near the door. "I was just putting your jacket back."

"Thank you," he grumbles. I walk up to him, well, more-so towards the door to leave but he's in the path.

"I'll go get you another breakfast from the kitchen," I hush under a burst of small laughter. "Our fighting fit Prince needs the energy."

He grumbles another reply, but I don't bother trying to understand it and leave to go down to the kitchens as promised. As much as I do enjoy Merlin and Arthur's dynamic relationship, Arthur does need breakfast. Not to mention Merlin is quite preoccupied mentally by something and if I can help him out a little then he can do his job quickly and get back to whatever it is.

"Can I have a breakfast platter for the Prince, Marge?" I ask, stepping aside to let a kitchen's assistant pass me who is carrying a very large tray of fresh bread. Marge, the head of the kitchen who is a plump lady with greying hair glares at me with discontent, using her entire body against a rolling pin to flatten dough on the kitchen bench.

"The Prince?" she exclaims. "But we've already sent up his breakfast."

"I know, but his servant knocked it over and it's all on the ground now," I argue. Marge stops rolling, leaning forward to point a finger at me.

"Don't think that I don't know you've been picking in my kitchen without asking, young lady. You and that other knight taking all my treats!"

I resist smiling at the memories.

"Sorry," I mumble. "But it is for the Prince, I swear. Besides, you should know that I much prefer fruits and nuts to cheese and bread."

Marge huffs, leaning a hand against her hip in thought.

"Alright, I'll have another one made. But you are taking it up, I don't have anybody to spare at the moment."

"My pleasure."

I wait in the kitchen, pulling at the neck and skirt of my dress as the sweat starts to pile up on me. The kitchen has a constant stream of humidity from all the boiling water over fires and not to mention the constant work of everybody creating a release of heat from them. I'm utterly glad that I didn't end up working down here.

Soon, but not soon enough, in my opinion, a silver plate lined with the Prince's usual food is handed to me by a passing girl.

"Thank you!" I exclaim over the sound of metal clanging as I all but run out of the kitchen.

I sigh as I enter the stairwell, the air cool against my skin and the sound of the kitchen becoming only background noise. I saunter back to Arthur's chambers, entering after a slight knock.

Arthur is now dressed in his white shirt and the jacket I repaired. I place his tray down on the table and he walks over, sitting in front of it.

"Thank you. I don't know what's gotten into Merlin this morning," he groans, digging into the meat. "He boiled my bathwater, nearly burned me."

"Something is on his mind," I reply.

"Do you know what?"

I shake my head, keeping the piece of information I know about the food theft to myself. "No, but don't be too harsh on him, please. You know that even he's not usually this bad." Arthur huffs, a sour look on his face.

"I threw a jug of water at him. Was that too harsh?"

I chortle at the image. "I think he deserved that, to be honest. I wouldn't have even touched what he gave you this morning."

Arthur pauses as he eats his meal to look up at me.

"You don't think I'm fat, do you?" he questions. I hold back my smile at the sight of the true concern on his face.

"No, of course not," I shake my head, thinking back to before. "You're fighting fit."

"That's what I thought," he grumbles, back to his arrogant self. I roll my eyes at the cockiness, pouring a jug of water for him. "You're not my servant. Why are you doing this?"

"I'm bored," I shrug. "Woke up early and thought that I better chase after Merlin and fix all the mistakes he's going to make today. I'm predicting there's going to be a few."