Thank you for your continued support. I appreciate it.
As usual, I want to say a sincere thank you, to each an everyone of you, who not only read this story, but took the time to review.
Also, sincere thanks to all of you who are now back to work and is a bit too busy to read and review. I feel you and I appreciate any time you dedicate to my stories, in the future.
Blessings to you and yours.
Standard disclaimer: I do not own Glee or the characters, neither do I own Hope Burns.
Warning: This chapter contains mentions of miscarriage. Sorry for any offense caused.
It was the day before New Year's Eve, and since Christmas, Mercedes had dived back into work, keeping her mind occupied, and trying not to think about the upcoming trip with Sam.
Her mom was doing great and didn't need her at all anymore.
Next week, she would get her casts off and she was talking about going back to work, since she could fit in physical therapy around her job. Plus, she was already driving again since her casts didn't get in the way.
The new server and computer system installation was flowing smoothly at work, and she had conducted training for all of the managers.
She'd worked out the kinks in the system, and so far, so good.
The new system was lightning fast, and she had linked all of the vital information, so that Sam could access everything he needed on-the-go, on his tablet.
It allowed him to be more mobile than in the past, freeing him up to visit all his sites, as often as he wanted to.
Eventually, he will even have a little spare time to work in the shop, if he wanted to.
Mercedes had successfully streamlined Sam's operation, and while there were a lot more things she could do...like work on sales and marketing...he was in much better shape operationally, than when she'd started.
Now, she sat on the bed, her shiny new luggage opened, as she prepared to pack for Las Vegas.
To be honest, she had studied the empty suitcases for about an hour, and couldn't bring herself to put clothes in them, which was kind of a dilemma, because, she was due over at Sam's house in a few hours.
She looked up, when she heard a knock on her door.
"Come in."
She was surprised to see her sister.
"Hey, Michelle. What are you doing here?"
"I thought I'd drop by and say goodbye, before you left on your trip. I see you're packing." Michelle took a seat on the side of the bed.
"Yeah. Or, thinking about packing."
"Do you need some help?"
"No. Not really," Mercedes replied.
She glanced over at all her open drawers, already having made her decision. Now, all she had to do, was muster up the courage to tell everyone.
Michelle looked over at the open drawers as well, then the suitcases, before her gaze drifted back to Mercedes.
"You're not going to Vegas with Sam, are you?"
When she didn't answer, Michelle's shoulders slumped.
"Oh, Merce, you're leaving."
Thinking this was as good a place, as any to start, Mercedes said,
"It's time for me to go, Mich. Mom's fine and doesn't need me anymore. I've already stayed long enough."
"Why? Did Sam do something?"
"No." She took a step back. "He gave me the key to his house."
Michelle gave her a confused look.
"And that's a bad thing?"
Mercedes cocked her head to the side, realizing that it sounded a little ridiculous.
"You don't understand, Mich."
"No, I don't. He loves you. He's always loved you. The two of you are perfect together."
"We aren't perfect. I mean...yeah, it's good right now, but we hurt each other before. It's only a matter of time before it happens again."
"I thought you two talked things through."
She shrugged.
"We put the past behind us. Sort of. But is it ever really gone?"
"So you're judging a potential future with Sam, based on the past between you?"
Mercedes looked down at her hands.
"Sometimes you just can't go back," she said.
Michelle leaned over, and grabbed her hands, forcing her to make eye contact.
"And sometimes, my sweet sister, you have to let the past go, so you can make a future for yourself. No one knows that better than I do."
"I know what happened to you in your past, and how hard you fought to get through it, so you could make a future. But your situation was entirely different from mine. Sam is part of my past. I have to let him go."
"You did. For all these years you let him go. You let go of your home, and everyone you knew. Did it help? Did you move forward with your life? With relationships?"
Mercedes lifted her chin.
"I've been doing fine."
"You've been running away from your memories all these years, Mercedes, instead of facing down the past and coming to terms with it. That's not growth, that's not putting the past behind you. That's shoving it into a closet and hoping it doesn't throw that door open and scare the shit out of you, in the middle of the night. That's not how you deal with it. And this," she said, sweeping her hands over the open suitcases. "Running again, isn't how you deal with those feelings, either."
Mercedes put her hand over her stomach, trying to quell the nausea she felt from her sister's accusations.
She wasn't running, she was simply...resuming her life.
"I like moving around. I start to feel unsettled, if I stay in one place too long."
"This isn't 'one place,' Merce. This is your home. Where you're surrounded by everyone who loves you. If you ever have any hope of making a future, then you have to stand your ground, confront the past, and demand the future you want," Michelle said.
Tears pricked Mercedes' eyes. She was going to miss her sister so much.
"I love you, Mich. But I still have to go."
Michelle sighed.
"I love you, too, Mercedes. But sometimes, I want to shake you really hard, so you'll listen to reason."
Mercedes stood, unable to continue this conversation. Otherwise, Michelle might just be able to get her to change her mind. And that she couldn't do.
"Well, I've gotta pack," Mercedes said.
Michelle stood, too, tears rolling down her cheeks. It was like a knife in Mercedes' heart to see them there.
"Have you told Mom and Dad yet?"
Mercedes shook her head.
"Not yet."
Michelle pulled her into her arms and hugged her tight.
"Please don't go. Please rethink this," she begged.
Now the tears threatened to fall, but Mercedes refused to cry. She sniffed, holding it all back. She'd cry later, when she was alone.
"I have to," she replied.
"I love you so much, Merce. I'm always going to be here for you, no matter what."
Without looking at her, Michelle fled the room.
Shaking, Mercedes turned and faced the luggage again. This time, she went to the drawers and started packing.
Tickets, check. Money in wallet, check.
Sam was packed and ready. Now, all he needed, was his sexy, beautiful, smart woman, to show up at the door.
When he heard the choking, gasping sound of her car, he shook his head and smiled. Patiently, he waited for her to use her new key, to open the door.
He frowned when she rang the doorbell. 'Maybe she forgot it.'
The moment Sam opened the door and saw Mercedes' red-rimmed eyes, he knew she'd been crying. And something inside him, told him why.
He stood aside when she walked in.
She was wearing old jeans, tennis shoes, and a sweater. Her hair pulled up in a ponytail, and he'd wager, everything she owned was piled up in George's trunk.
"You're leaving," he said.
She turned around, gave him a clipped nod.
"It's...time for me to go," she replied.
Her words stabbed him like a dagger in his chest, but he didn't let on.
He crossed his arms.
"You're going to have to do better than that, Mercedes."
She drew in a shuddering breath.
"You know it can't work between us, Sam. We have an insurmountable past, that I can't see us getting through. It's been fun between us the last few months, but it's not a permanent thing. There's just too much history between us."
He cocked a brow.
"History being three years of loving each other in high school, of committing to being together forever?"
"And an unplanned pregnancy, a miscarriage, and an ugly breakup," she added.
"See, that's the difference between you and me. That's the only part of our relationship you chose to remember. The bad stuff. I remembered how great we were together, how much fun we had, how we couldn't wait until we saw each other, how we couldn't get enough of each other. I remembered the plans we made for our future together."
"Plans that were derailed when I got pregnant," she challenged.
"You're right. And that sucked. And your miscarriage was awful. Not just for you, Mercedes, but for me, too. You were so busy feeling shitty and miserable and devastated and crushed, I wasn't allowed to feel anything, because, you had to feel and say everything. And then, when I got over my shock that you lost our baby, you had already played judge, jury, and executioner on our relationship, and you were already gone."
Mercedes blinked, but didn't say anything.
"And now, you've decided this relationship isn't going to work, without discussing it with me. Because, God forbid, you and I should have an honest discussion about anything, right? All these months, I've tiptoed around you, not wanting to do anything, to upset the balance of what we had going. I was happy enough just to be with you again, to see where things could go between us, and let our feelings for each other lead the way."
He paused, looking directly at her. His gaze was so intense, she lowered her eyes to the floor.
"But you know what?" he went on.
"That's not gonna work for me anymore. I'm not going to let you walk out on me again, without you knowing that I love you. Hell, I've always loved you. I don't know about you, Mercedes, but loving someone isn't something we forget how to do. How I feel about you, hasn't changed from the time I was sixteen years old and first laid eyes on you. It's a different love now...it's grown up and a little weathered, but it's still how I feel about you. And it goddamn hurts, that you're not willing to put in the effort to build on it. Instead, you're running."
Mercedes looked at Sam, just looked at him, as if his declaration of love had meant nothing.
That hurt. He'd just told her he loved her. Didn't that mean anything to her?
Finally, she spoke, but it wasn't the words he wanted to hear.
"I'm not running. I just..."
"That's such bullshit. You can't face your own feelings, so you're running like hell away from them. Away from me, because, you don't trust me."
"This has nothing to do with trust, Sam."
Her eyes spat fire, he realized.
'Good. At least, she seem to feel something. I sure as hell do.'
"Doesn't it?" he asked, fire ignited in his green eyes too.
"Last time, you judged me for failing you. And maybe I did. I was a kid back then, and scared as hell, about how our lives were about to change. When you lost the baby, for a few minutes, I didn't know what to think or how to feel. And maybe I did feel a few seconds of...I don't know...it wasn't relief, it was numbness. Because, all the plans we'd made had been shot to hell...twice...and we'd have to start all over again. You were hurting, I was hurting, and we'd have to figure it all out. I didn't know what to do to make you feel better, so I just shut down and ended up not being there for you, when you needed me the most. That was a shitty thing to do, and I regretted it. Unfortunately, you knew me so damn well, you picked right up on my reaction, and I'm so sorry for that."
Mercedes just sat there, watching Sam. He was determined this time, to say how he felt. Before she walked away this time, she'd know.
"You know what? I'm not that kid anymore. But you'll never give me the chance to be the man I can be for you, to show you the love you deserve, because, to you, I'll always be the guy who failed you. So as always, you know best, and you're going to end it for both of us, before we get any closer...before I have a chance to hurt you again, right?" Sam said, then asked.
Mercedes didn't answer, and he hated seeing the tears in her eyes. He'd already hurt her once, and he never intended to do it again.
Maybe she was right. Maybe they weren't ever going to be right for each other.
But he wanted her to stand up for them. To stand up now and argue with him.
He could handle hours of arguments with her, because, at least then, she'd be present in the relationship. The two of them, fighting for what they both deserved.
But this silent Mercedes? That he couldn't handle, because, it meant she didn't goddamn care enough to try and save what they had.
And if she didn't, then neither did he.
"Have a good trip, Mercedes, and drive safe," Sam said.
He turned away and headed to the fridge and grabbed a beer.
On hearing the front door close, he leaned his head against the refrigerator door, taking in a few deep breaths.
When he came back into the living room, the key he'd given to Mercedes lay on his coffee table.
He picked it up, looked at it in his hand, then heaved it across the room.
"You've been one hell of a frequent flier here the past week," Bash said, as he passed Sam another beer.
"I'm a big fan of basketball. And hockey."
He took several swallows of beer, ignoring the hot blonde who took a seat next to him.
After she tried to get his attention several times, she shrugged and moved on down the bar.
"You also have satellite and a big-screen TV at home. Plus a fridge filled with beer," Bash stated.
"But I enjoy your company so much," Sam said and grinned at him.
Bash laughed.
"Are you flirting with me?"
Sam snorted, then grabbed a couple of pretzels and his beer and made his way over to the pool tables, to shoot a couple of games with a few of the guys in the bar.
This had been his second home, ever since that night two weeks ago, when Mercedes had shown up at his place and then left.
Since he couldn't work twenty-four hours a day, and he figured out after the first few nights that he couldn't sleep, he came here at night and drank for a few hours, then went home and passed out.
He'd missed a few nights at the gym, and Rhonda was feeling a little neglected, but he was getting the job done at work, and that's all that mattered.
He intended to focus on his job from now on. Just his job.
"You look like shit."
Sam looked up from the table to see Mark standing next to him.
"We can't all be pretty like you, my friend."
Mark shook his head.
"And you could stand to have a burger and fries at Will's. Care to join me?"
"You on duty?"
"Just got off and saw your truck in the lot, so I thought I'd drop in and see if you were hungry."
"Not really. How about a beer?" Sam asked.
"From the way you smell, any more beers and I'll have to park in the lot, then pull you over for a DUI when you leave. Come on, man, don't make me do that. Besides, I'm starving. Give me a break."
Heaving a sigh, Sam hung up the pool cue.
"Fine. Let's go get a burger."
Sam waved to Bash, then headed out to his truck.
"How about I drive?" Mark asked. "I'll bring you back to your truck after we eat."
"Okay. Will you run the siren?"
"Funny."
He had to admit, when they walked into Will's, the smell of food made his stomach rumble.
And maybe he hadn't been eating much, but hey, a guy could survive just fine on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, pretzels, and beer, couldn't he?
"And what are you two fine gentlemen up to tonight?" Brittany asked, as she came over.
"We're up to two strong cups of coffee, two waters, and two of your best loaded cheeseburgers, with fries," Mark said.
Brittany grinned.
"Coming right up."
"How did you know what I wanted?" Sam asked.
Mark shrugged.
"I didn't. Told you I was hungry."
They talked about work until the food arrived, and by then, Sam was ready to dig in.
By the time he'd had two cups of coffee and devoured his cheeseburger, he felt a bit more human again.
"Better?" Mark asked, taking a sip of coffee.
"A lot. Thanks."
"No problem."
"Bash called you, didn't he?" Sam asked.
"Yeah. He said you were starting to resemble a snarling werewolf."
Sam laughed.
"That bad, huh?"
"Yeah. So what are you going to do about it?" Mark asked.
"About what?" He took another long drink of his coffee.
"You know what. Mercedes."
He shrugged.
"Nothing. I'm not going to go chasing after a woman, who's not willing to stand her ground and give us a chance. She's not worth it."
"Isn't she?" Mark gave him a look over the rim of his cup.
"No. She ran back then, and she ran again. Why would I even bother?"
"Because, you're obviously in love with her, or you wouldn't look this bad."
"Thanks."
"No problem. And when you're in love with a woman, you chase her down and make her listen to you. You tell her you love her every day, until it either sinks in, or you realize it's never going to happen."
"Yeah, I'm not that much of a glutton for punishment, buddy. No thanks."
"How hard did you try to convince her to stay, when she told you she was leaving?"
Sam paused, and set the cup down.
"Not hard at all."
Mark rolled his eyes.
"And now, you're drowning your sorrows, because, she left you? That makes you a major dumbass, my friend. A woman has to feel like you'd move heaven and earth to have her, you know."
"I do know that. I was just trying to get out of her way." None of what he said made sense, he realized. "Well, shit. I didn't try hard enough, did I?"
Mark gave him a clueless look.
"How the hell should I know? She's gone, so obviously not."
Sam wiped his mouth with the napkin.
"This is bullshit. I need to find her and force her to listen to me. I love her, goddammit and she's going to keep hearing it until it sinks in. She belongs here...with me."
Mark's lips curved.
"That sounds more like you. Sad, drunken werewolf, is definitely not a good look on you."
"Whatever. Take me back to my truck."
'This isn't working.' Mercedes thought. She could have sworn she'd settle in, after two weeks in Oklahoma City.
Typically, when she moved to a new city, she was filled with excitement.
A new place, a new job, new places to eat and explore.
But this just wasn't her city.
It was a great place, but she hadn't found an apartment to rent yet, so she was still living in a convenience hotel, and she hadn't spotted a job she wanted, so she was currently temping.
That's what everything here felt like to her...temporary. Not like home, and after two weeks, it should feel like home.
She supposed she'd just have to up and move again.
The problem was, she didn't want to get out the map and find yet another place.
She was tired of city hopping, tired of traveling around.
She missed Hope. She missed her family and her friends. And she missed Sam.
Every night, as she lay in bed and stared up at the ceiling, she replayed their last conversation over and over in her head.
The things he'd said to her had been awful and painful and devastating to her heart.
Only this time, he'd been right.
She had judged him, laid all the blame on him, and hadn't allowed herself to forgive him for the past, so they could take a shot at having a future together.
She hadn't trusted in him, and because of that, she'd cost herself a chance to have a forever, with the one and only man she has ever loved.
It had taken that one last ugly blowup, for her to see the mistakes she'd made.
And because she hadn't trusted in Sam, and in her own heart, she'd done the only thing she really knew how to do, and do well...run.
But running was no longer the solution to her problems. She could freely admit that.
Now, she was afraid, that no place was ever going to feel like home again, because, home was Hope.
She had to go home.
She had to go home to Sam. And hope and pray that he'd take her back.
Thank God Michelle knew where Mercedes was, and she was gracious enough to tell Sam.
Otherwise, he would have had to start from scratch and travel city to city, because, there was no way in hell, he would be willing to give her up.
He'd have plenty of time on the drive there, to figure out exactly what he was going to say to her, so he grabbed his bag and punched the button to lift his garage door.
Sam froze in his tracks, when he saw Mercedes' car pulling up in the driveway behind his truck.
He walked towards George, cringing at the sound of the vehicle coughing and sputtering. Then, watched as it shuddered, when she killed the engine.
When Mercedes got out of the car, his pulse did a NASCAR last-lap, as he watched her, walked towards him.
She had on black jeans and boots, her hair loose around her shoulders and she wore a red, long-sleeved shirt with a black scarf.
It took everything within him, not to jerk her into his arms and kiss her, until she admitted she felt the same way he did about her.
She glanced down at his duffel bag.
"Going somewhere?" she asked.
"Yeah. To Oklahoma City to find you."
"How? Oh...Michelle."
"Yeah."
"Well, I'm not there anymore," she said.
"I can see that. Come on inside, it's freezing out here."
He turned around, went to the door, opened it and held it for her, taking in that sweet vanilla scent of hers, as she breezed passed him.
Immediately, he closed the door and followed her into the living room.
"So...you were coming to find me?" Mercedes asked.
"Hell yes! I was coming to find you. To tell you that leaving was a mistake. And to talk you into coming back," Sam admitted.
Her lips curved.
"That's...nice to hear."
"Why did you come back?" he asked.
She took a deep breath.
"Because, it wasn't home to me. I thought I needed to leave, that my new adventure waited for me in the next city. Turns out I was wrong, Sam. My next adventure is right here."
Now, it was his turn to to take a deep breath.
"Provided you can forgive me..." she started.
"...I've been wrong."
She stepped closer to him.
"All these years, I've been wrong...about everything. You were right. I did hold you accountable for what happened, and I didn't trust in our love. The problem was, I did still love you. Everywhere I tried to run, that love went with me and I couldn't get away from it. Now I'm back to face it, to see where we can go with it. If you'll have me. Will you?"
"Yeah. On one condition," he said.
Mercedes frowned.
"What's that?" she asked.
"You need a new goddamned car. Like yesterday."
She let out a soft laugh.
"Okay."
"And I like you working with me. I still need you...but only as long as you want to."
"That's more than one condition," she said.
"True. Okay, we'll negotiate that second point."
"Okay."
Mercedes drew in, another deep breath.
"I love you, Sam. I want that future you've been promising. In this house. With a dog and maybe a few kids."
He arched a brow.
"A few?"
She got even closer.
"Yeah. A few. Are you okay with that?"
He swept his arm around her waist and pulled her against him, needing to feel that connection he always felt, when their bodies touched.
"Yeah, I'm okay with that. I love you, Mercedes. I always have. I always will. Forever."
"Forever," she echoed.
She cupped her hand around his neck, and as soon as their lips connected, she knew at once that she was home. Finally, home.
And she never intended to leave again.
That's it. Stay safe!