Ch 52

Ben

When I woke up I felt a deep pain on my shoulder. I looked down to see that my shoulder was completely bandaged where I had been shot.

The memory of everything that had happened on Thyferra suddenly rushed back to me.

The weird darkness that I had felt when I woke up and sensing that something was off. The sudden ambush and getting shot, Rey shouting…

Rey!

I'm here, well not physically, but I'm close.

What happened? Where are we?

We're on a ship, I don't know where we are going, but we're being arrested for acting against the Republic during the reign of the First Order.

We?But you weren't involved in that…

You're right, but you're my husband, I wasn't going to let them take you without me.

I didn't say anything, but I did send her my feelings of love and gratitude. It didn't last long… I also remembered the events that happened the day before, the connection we had made.

"It wasn't the day before Ben, it was 4 days ago. It took you 4 days to find that mental balance, and you guys will have to learn to do it faster."

I turned my head and saw my grandfather standing next to me. I attempted to sit up on my cot, but it was difficult and ended up having to prop myself up against the wall.

"You were in each other's subconscious for four days, that's how they were able to find you, you can tell her that. Your guard was down, someone may have seen you at the market, or even in passing through the jungle. Who knows, I told her you have to try and stay connected the entire time you're separated, it'll help. Maybe it will even help you talk about some of the other unresolved issues you were having prior to this…"

I was ready to protest but my grandfather was gone once again. This was a very annoying situation to be trapped in. I didn't want to talk to Rey about what I'd seen in her mind, I knew she was disappointed in me, deep down. She would never admit it though, she was too good for that.

She had always been too good for me.

I sighed and let my walls down, she entered them easily.

Anakin told me we should stay linked as much as we can…

Yea… he told me the same…I told her

Ben what do we do?

I… am not sure, we have to at least wait until we are loaded off the ship and form a plan to escape from there.

I agree.

It was quiet for a moment. I could sense she was in my head and her unease, we needed to address the elephant in the room.

I saw it all Rey.

She tensed up.

Anakin said we were connected for four days, I know you're disappointed in the life we have. I know that you want a family and that you don't really want to keep being a Jedi and for once you want to do with your life as you please with no one to hold you accountable. I know that if it weren't for me, you wouldn't be here, and you would be on Jakku waiting for something, but at least you knew what was coming every day, and with me, everything is dangerous and I-I'm sorry

Ben I… no that's not…

You don't have to justify yourself, we have to be able to be honest about everything. I know what I saw, what did you see?

She hesitated for a moment before answering.

I saw that you…hated me. You hate that I made things difficult for you. That I always made you choose one way or another and you wanted to be free of the pain and the responsibility that came from your bloodline. You wanted to just be like… like your father and travel the galaxy. And I took that from you and yet…you hate yourself for how much you love. For how weak it makes you feel and how much it makes you wish you never married me to avoid the desire of wanting a family, so you wouldn't have to fail them like you failed everyone else.

You're right. You're absolutely right about everything Rey. So why is it that we're still together? Why do we keep going back to each other?

I come back every time because I understand the feeling of wanting to protect something that's not yourself. Because although I want my own life, I'd give it all up, so you could have something better, because I can't imagine living in a world alone again, with no one to understand me, much less love me for it.

And I feel the same way. You're the only person that saw me, REALLY saw me and decided to stay, one who wasn't afraid.

At that moment I felt her snap out of the link somewhat, not entirely, I could still sense her feelings and thoughts. I searched,

Someone was in the room with her.

Rey, who is it?

Shh, I need to concentrate.

Fine… can I at least be there?

You mean…?

Yes

She opened the connection again and I moved through it, the way we used to do when we would see each other.

I was with her, but no one else could see me, just her.

It was her friend. FN-1287, or well I guess he was now named Finn.

Try not to do too much… he's force sensitive. Not well trained, but he can tell, he can sense things. He'll sense you.

I sent her a feeling of affirmation.

"Rey, please talk to me" he begged "What is going on? How can I believe that he didn't manipulate you to be with him?"

Not this again. I knew I had to remain calm, I just didn't like anyone talking to her that way.

"Finn it's a really long story, you won't believe any of it. You don't believe me now, how do I know you'll believe me after?" she asked him. She felt sad, he was someone she had considered a brother, her closest friend. I didn't like seeing her sad, if having him in her life made her happy, who was I to stop that?