31: Forward Motion

Harry's cry awakened Ginny from a deep sleep, and she sat up immediately, turning to him.

"No!" he yelled, and his hand accidentally hit her face as he fought whatever demon had invaded his sleep. Ginny winced but paid it no mind as she tried to shake him out of it.

"Harry…Harry…wake up, you're just dreaming…."

Finally, his eyes opened, and she smoothed her hand across his temple; his hair was stuck to the sides of his face with sweat. She wondered how long he'd been having a nightmare.

"Ginny, are you okay?" He sat up and touched her, putting both hands on her shoulders to make sure she was indeed still there.

"Shh, I'm fine, I'm okay. What were you dreaming?" she asked as she saw him look around wildly, as though to make sure they were still at the inn.

"I…it was…I don't know…I just felt this feeling of…." His hand went to his scar, and Ginny put her hand on top of his.

"Is it Voldemort?"

"No," Harry said at once and then frowned. "I mean, it could be…I don't know…but it didn't feel like him, and my scar doesn't hurt. It was just dark, and I thought I heard people screaming. But it was like I was really far away and I couldn't help anyone…and I kept ending up in this cemetery…I…" Harry stopped and shuddered.

Ginny shushed him and pulled him to her, resting his head against her chest. "It's okay; it was just a nightmare. Listen to my heart, Harry…there…." She held him for what felt like a long time, and he was finally breathing normally. She twisted away from him for a second and grabbed his watch from the bedside table. It was just after four am and there was a ghost of light in the room, letting them know that dawn would soon be on its way.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," Harry said, his voice muffled as she held him again. She looked down at him and smiled.

"First, you tire me out with all that sex last night, and then you don't even let me sleep in; honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do with you, Potter."

He snorted and pulled his head up, laughing. He stopped as he narrowed his eyes and then turned quickly, pulling his glasses on. "Oh, damn. I hit you, didn't I?"

Ginny touched her cheek and winced. "I think so, is it bruising already?"

Harry nodded and rolled off the bed, heading into the loo. He came back a moment later with a damp flannel and used his wand to turn it into an ice cloth. He sat down next to her and put it over her cheek as she finally felt the full sting of pain for the first time.

"Ouch! Harry. Be careful."

"I'm trying to be, stop moving. Do you know a Healing Spell for this?"

Ginny bit her lip. "No, unfortunately. I never thought I'd need one, sleeping with you."

"Oh, gee, just make me feel better, why don't you."

They stared at each other for a moment and then grinned, which again caused her face to ache in disagreement. She took the flannel from Harry.

"Here, let me. I reckon Brogan will have to do one when he wakes up. Bloody hell, you have a heck of a right punch."

"I know a pain-relieving sort of spell and one for broken noses, but that doesn't really help us, does it? Hang on. Let me remember it…."

"Harry, no, I don't want you to accidentally turn my skin purple or something."

He rolled his eyes and bit his lip in concentration. "Your face is already half-way to purple, so it can't get any worse, can it? Here, I think I remember it."

Ginny held her breath as he recited the spell, and the side of her face tingled for a moment and then felt warm. She smiled.

"Better?" he asked, looking worried.

"Yeah. Is it still bruised?"

He nodded. "Yeah, but at least it won't feel like it. Come here." He held open his arms, and she went to him. He arranged them back down on the bed again, and Ginny curled herself around his body. She rested her head on his chest, giving him her undivided attention.

"Are you sure you're okay? Do I need to do a Cheering Charm on your head?"

He smiled. "I'm okay, now that I'm awake. It was…it was just scary, Gin. But not like anything I've ever dreamed of before. I think it was just a regular nightmare." His voice held a note of puzzlement, as though he wasn't quite sure what to do with that information.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He met her gaze. "No, not really."

Ginny nodded, closing her eyes. She soon felt his hand in her hair and then smiled as it moved slowly down her back. After a moment, she opened her eyes.

"Do you want to shag?"

Harry snorted, his skin turning pink, and she felt her grin grow wider. "Oh, you do, don't you?" she asked coyly.

"You mean I accidentally bash you around, and I still get lucky? That's brilliant."

"Very funny," Ginny said as she moved and found herself looking down at him. She felt a strange sort of hunger inside her as she looked at him - it was reminiscent the way she felt when she knew he was leaving, and she wouldn't be seeing him for a while. She shook herself to clear her head, and he reached out, touching her chin.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You looked worried there for a second."

She took her hand into his and moved her own down the length of his arm, leaning forward. "Do you feel odd, Harry?"

"Odd? Like how? Odd in the sense that I just had a nasty nightmare, woke up screaming, clobbered you one, and now I'm randier than I've been all break? Yeah, I reckon that's a bit odd." His hands moved up and down her arms and then around her back as his eyes traveled over her. They were both naked from the way they'd fallen asleep, and Ginny felt her body flush at the contact of his fingers as one of his hands moved down even lower.

"It is a bit…oh, goodness, I love it when you do that," she said softly, suddenly forgetting the point she'd been trying to make.

His fingers teased her, and they watched each other as he kept on touching her. She could feel her heart beating fast in her chest, the needy feeling inside of her threatening to spill out. She bit her lip as his fingers sped up, and she felt herself thrusting forward slightly.

"You want it too," Harry said softly, his voice husky. She nodded and leaned down to kiss him, her hair falling over them.

"Always," she whispered back when she pulled her mouth away. Their touches turned inexplicably rougher, and she found herself being pushed back as Harry righted himself on the bed, taking off his glasses. She let him take control and found herself staring up at him, his hand still in between her legs. She opened herself up more and arched her back as his mouth found her nipple, closing over it immediately. She moaned as she felt the edge of his teeth against her skin. He nipped at her skin, and it felt beautiful to her; Harry had never truly bitten her before - not before they'd come to the inn, at any rate. Her neck was still sore from his other bite, and she decided she quite liked being marked by him. She urged him on, clasping his dark head in her hands.

She could feel for herself how wet his fingers had made her, and as his mouth moved downwards she swore as his hands suddenly reached up, holding her down, with a force he rarely used; she felt trapped under his strength, and she cried out as his mouth made contact with her body. He teased her, not quite putting his tongue where she wanted it, and she writhed underneath his touch, hearing herself begin to beg and whimper softly. She felt outside of herself, yet she knew she was very much in the moment of what they were doing - her body was full of desire.

"Harry, please," she breathed out, feeling undone. His hold lessened slightly, and he moved his hands down to her hips, still holding her in place. He pulled her closer to his mouth, and it was as though she could feel him everywhere. Ginny gasped and threw her head back as he finally closed his mouth exactly where she wanted it. Her climax was intense, and she bit back the scream that was in her throat as she let go, an incredible wave of pleasure washing over her again and again until she was spent.

"I love the way you tried not to scream," Harry said softly, making her open her eyes to see him staring down at her. She smiled.

"Well, I didn't want to wake the whole inn screaming out your name, they might think we're insatiable."

"And would they be wrong?" He grinned knowingly down at her.

"They don't need to know every time we do it. I admit it was hard to hold it in, especially when you're that…commanding."

"Was I commanding? I don't recall barking out any orders," he said with a smirk, and she reached up, wrapping her arms around his neck. She leaned up and kissed him, moving her mouth along his neck.

"You know what I mean," she whispered, and she pulled his ear lobe into her mouth.

"You liked that, did you?" he asked, pulling back. She nodded and shifted, using her legs to turn them over. Harry grinned as he looked up at her.

"And now you're going to give me a taste of my own magic, right?"

"If you want," Ginny said, smiling as her hands started moving over him. She kissed him again, pushing his arms up above his head. She sat up and leaned towards the table, grabbing her wand. She grinned as she aimed it at his hands.

"No cheating, Harry," she said solemnly.

"I'll try," he said dryly, and she shook her head at him. She leaned over him and kissed him harder than before, moving her hands over his chest, teasing his nipples. She licked her way around his neck as she pinched him and ran the palm of her hands roughly around his skin. He sucked in a deep breath, and she looked up to meet his eyes.

"Seems we're both feeling cheeky," he said, his voice low.

Ginny smiled. "If you want me to do this to your cheeks, it can be arranged."

He laughed, but it turned into something else as she lowered her mouth to his body, sucking roughly on him. He grunted her name as she bit and teased him, and she felt unlike herself for a moment, as the thrill of playing with him and giving him what he wanted seemed to crest inside her. She finally moved her mouth down lower, keeping her hands at work, pinching him between her fingers. She licked and kissed her way ever downwards, smiling to herself. She loved this part of Harry's body - it was two things at once - wholly male and therefore completely different from hers, and yet it made him so vulnerable. She followed the dark trail of hair down lower and looked up at him to find his green eyes staring down at her, bright in their intensity. She moved her hands down over his stomach and caressed his hips with feather-light touches, before pushing his legs apart.

She ignored the obvious part of his anatomy and instead put her mouth along the inside of his thigh, gentle at first but eventually letting her teeth come out to play, causing an immediate reaction as he swore. She paused and looked up at him.

"That's not a place most blokes like teeth, Ginny," he whispered, sounding excited despite his words.

"You're not most blokes, Harry."

He swore again as she nipped at him, and she finally touched him, taking him into her hand, stroking him with confidence. He moved at her contact and laid his head back, his arms still bound, although she could tell he wanted to touch her.

"Very good, love," she said softly and brought her mouth to the underside of his body, causing him to shudder. She moved her mouth from the bottom up, circling the tip playfully with her tongue, already tasting his excitement on her lips. She heard him muttering something to himself and smiled before lowering her mouth over him, taking in as much as she could before pulling back. She shifted so that she had a better angle and roamed upwards over the flatness of his stomach as he finally thrust upwards with his hips, moaning quietly.

They moved together seamlessly - Ginny moving her mouth down as Harry pushed gently upwards from the bed. Soon his moans grew louder, and she knew he was at his limit. She pulled her mouth away and slid upwards over him so that she could see his face.

"Mouth or other means, love?" she asked with a smile.

"Can I undo my hands?" he asked hoarsely. She nodded and watched as he closed his eyes in concentration and then moved his hands apart, wrapping them immediately around her.

"Gods, that was hard to keep from doing," he whispered as he sat up.

They kissed, and she felt him rub against her, reminding them both of other things. She pulled her mouth away to see his eyes and grinned as she understood what he wanted. She lay back and then turned over onto her stomach. Harry followed her, stretching himself out above her, his hands traveling down over her back. She felt him, swollen and excited, and she moved forward so that she could brace herself on her hands and knees. He growled approvingly, and she felt his mouth at the small of her back. She moaned as he moved his mouth down lower, his hands caressing her backside. After a few moments, he pulled his mouth away, and she felt him behind her and turned to look at him, flipping her hair impatiently over her shoulder.

He chuckled. "Okay, okay," he said when he saw her expression. He teased her only briefly before she felt him moving into her, her body welcoming his. She leaned forward as she took his weight, and she sensed his breath on the back of her neck as she felt the length of his body inside hers, making her gasp quietly.

They didn't move for a moment, and Harry wrapped one hand around her, sliding it down to her waist, his fingers moving in between her legs. She swore softly as he touched her and felt his mouth on her back, lovingly kissing her skin. She turned to look at him over her shoulders again.

"I love you so much, Ginny. I…." His voice trailed off at a loss of what to say and she could see the emotion in his eyes.

"I know, Harry." She pushed herself back against him, and they started to move, slow at first, but it soon turned into something more as Harry eventually brought his hands to her hips, pulling her sharply against him. Ginny closed her eyes and held tight to the bed, letting go as their bodies met again. He pushed himself even further into her, causing her to cry out and bow her head, his weight pressing down on her. She didn't even realize she had been talking until she heard her voice crying out a single word, repeated in pleasure - "More."

Harry shifted forward, and she felt him leaning over her, getting a deeper angle, and she swore as his body rubbed against that part inside of her that only wanted everything he could give her and nothing less. She loved the feel of him as he pushed against her; the familiar sound of their breathing and the noises their bodies made as they met was like music in her ears. She cried out without meaning to and tried to muffle the sound in the bed underneath her, turning slightly, raising her back end higher. Harry's hand slapped her backside, and she felt his thumb apply pressure to one of her most sensitive spots, and she felt herself lose control as her body shook. She gasped and moved her head so that she could breathe, feeling soaked through with sweat and pleasure. Harry grunted behind her, close to his own release, but Ginny felt completely undone and could do nothing but hang on as he pushed into her again and again, finally crying out as she felt his body go off deep within hers. She tightened herself around him, and his hands scratched at her back as he pulled her sharply against him one last time.

They collapsed together, with Harry painfully covering her, pressing her further into the bed, but she didn't mind. She had never felt closer to him - had never felt him inside of her so deeply; even now, as his body diminished inside of her, she still felt connected. The sound of her heart beating in her ears finally faded away, and she struggled to move. Harry released her and tried to pull out of her, but she stopped him, turning her head.

"No, not yet," she said, sounding breathless. He didn't say anything but shifted so that she had more room, and then she felt his arms wrap around her waist. She sighed as she felt his breath on her neck as he buried his face into her hair, moaning softly.

After what felt like a lifetime, she finally touched his hand and he pulled away so they could get more comfortable. They spooned together and Ginny closed her eyes, feeling shaky, as though every nerve in her body was awake.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly and she nodded, tightening her hands over his as he pulled her closer to him.

"I'm brilliant," she answered.

"Good," he muttered sleepily, and she knew he was drifting off to sleep. She listened to him breathe, waiting until its sound drew even and finally closed her own eyes, letting herself join him. She wished them both happy dreams this time.

o-o-o-o-o

Harry was having another dream, except this time, it was merely about chopping wood. He was watching someone cut log after log of wood, the sharp pounding noise filling his ears. He frowned and drifted upwards to consciousness, realizing that the pounding he'd been dreaming about was coming from their door. And it was getting more persistent.

He squinted at the table where he'd put his glasses earlier and wondered how long they'd been asleep since making love; it couldn't have been for too long, because he still felt drained and more than a little sore. He slipped quietly out of Ginny's grasp and looked around for some of the clothes he'd had on the day before, finding his boxers entangled with Ginny's jeans. He groggily slipped them on and realized Brogan would just have to deal with staring at him half-naked.

"All right," he said in a low voice as he unlocked the door with his wand and opened it, more than annoyed at having been disturbed.

Brogan's face was distraught, and his fist almost made contact with Harry's face as he didn't realize the door had opened yet. He pulled his hand hastily away.

"God, you two sleep like the dead; I've been banging on this door for the last five minutes. Something's happened; we have to go back to the abbey. Now."

"Harry?" Ginny's sleepy voice called out to them, and he and Brogan both looked back at the bed, with Harry realizing a bit too late that Ginny was still naked. She sat up and then made an 'eep' sort of noise as she realized Brogan was in the room, scrambling for the bedclothes to cover herself. Harry stepped in front of the door immediately, and although Brogan had already looked away, his cheeks were tinged pink.

But the meaning of Brogan's words finally sunk in to Harry, and he felt a nervous sort of twitter in his stomach.

"What do you mean something's happened? At Hogwarts?"

Brogan nodded, a worried look on his face. "Dylan sent word that we're to return to the abbey immediately. The school has been attacked, that's all he said. How soon can you guys get dressed and packed? He wanted a specific time."

"Ten minutes, if that," came the reply behind Harry, and he agreed, nodding his head.

"We'll be down as soon as possible."

Brogan nodded, and Harry closed the door, his mind reeling, finally waking up. Ginny was already picking up their clothes from the day before, tossing his jumper to him.

"Just chuck everything in one bag," she said, heading into the loo, throwing her own jumper over her head. Harry nodded, and they quickly got dressed, doing a sweep of the room to make sure nothing was forgotten. Ginny grabbed her necklace, slipping it on. She met his eyes as he watched her.

"Harry, I'm scared. I don't have a good feeling about this. We should have known something was up when you had that nightmare this morning."

"But it wasn't a Voldemort sort of dream, trust me," Harry said, although now he wasn't so certain. He took her hand, and they looked around the room one last time and then headed downstairs, their hearts and heads full of worry.

o-o-o-o-o

"This is all I know - sometime in the night, a band of Death Eaters were allowed entrance onto the school grounds. The five Aurors guarding the school were immobilized from the inside; we don't know how yet. Teachers were alerted, and many of them joined in with the fighting until Voldemort himself was seen. He and Albus fought for a long time, apparently…I'm not…I don't…that is to say…."

Dylan Cosgrove's voice broke and faded away, his face turning a deathly pale color as he seemed to sway on his feet. Ginny felt a cold hand grip her heart and looked at Harry, who kept staring straight ahead, as though afraid to move.

It can't be, she thought. Hogwarts being attacked just wasn't something she had ever thought would happen.

"How is he?" Harry's voice was low and devoid of all emotion. Ginny was worried about him. His reaction to everything since Mr Cosgrove had started talking was very subdued. Too subdued, actually, if she really thought about it.

"He's…he's not dead, Harry, but…he's not alive either…he's… they say he's in limbo." Mr Cosgrove shuddered and swayed again, as though telling them the bad news had been the last thing he could take. Brogan went to him, helping him into a chair. Ginny turned to Harry and touched his arm, but he moved away from her, heading towards the window instead.

"There's more," Mr Cosgrove said, drawing a deep breath. "Some students…some of the older students decided to help the professors…three of them were killed, and three are in very critical condition at St Mungo's."

Ginny suddenly felt weak, and it took a lot of her self-control not to gasp out loud. "Do you know who?" she finally asked, trying to steady herself.

"I know of one." He paused, glancing at Harry's back. He turned back to her and gave her a sympathetic look. "I'm afraid…it's a friend of yours, Hermione Granger. Your brother, who was also fighting, is all right, but your friend might not make it; she was hit with a rather nasty curse. Not an Unforgivable, but close enough."

Ginny felt dizzy, and had she eaten anything recently, she was sure she would have just retched it back up. The idea that Ron and Hermione had been fighting for their lives…. It seemed too much to comprehend, and she felt herself shudder with fear for her friend and brother.

Suddenly, the harsh sound of something breaking made them all turn in Harry's direction. The window he was standing next to had blown out, as though a strong force from inside the room had pushed the glass away into a million, tiny shards.

o-o-o-o-o

It was decided that when it was okay for Harry to return to the school that Ginny would be going with him. But it was little comfort to her - Harry had not spoken since they had been told about Dumbledore and Hermione and had merely shrugged when Brogan had asked him about Ginny returning with them. Since returning to the room, he'd shut himself away in the bedroom, not saying a word.

She felt as though she had a substantial weight pressing firmly on her shoulders, but she gave Harry his space, knowing that he would come to her when he was ready. At least, that is what she kept telling herself as she began the arduous task of packing up her life once again. She pushed the feelings of hurt and frustration away from her and struggled to appear calm.

She could barely stand the sight of the Christmas tree they'd left in the room and tried to ignore it as it stood cheerfully in its corner, as though mocking them. She finally removed the earrings she'd transfigured into ornaments and then used her wand to get rid of the tree; the empty space that was left after it disappeared matched the one that she felt in her heart.

When she could no longer put off getting things out of the wardrobe, she opened the bedroom door and peeked in at Harry, lying on his back with his eyes closed. She quietly made her over to the pile of clothes she'd left on the floor, picking them up and trying to straighten out what was hers and what was Harry's. His voice startled her.

"Just leave it, Gin. It doesn't matter," he said gruffly, turning over on the bed to look at her.

Maybe it was the tone of his voice, she didn't know, but something inside of her seemed to break a little bit, and she suddenly felt a new emotion - anger.

"Oh? And you're the proper judge for that?"

Harry slowly blinked at her, frowning.

Ginny picked up the pile of clothes and angrily threw them towards him. "Fine. Get your own damn clothes packed and separated."

She left the bedroom, loudly letting the door bang on the outer wall. A moment later, Harry came out after her, his expression cross.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Me?" Ginny laughed, feeling bitter. "Oh, I'm fine. Just wonderful. I'm worried to death about Hermione, who's possibly dying in a hospital bed a thousand miles away. And what my brother is doing to cope. And then there's the fact that the only person that stood between you and Voldemort is now …in limbo, but who the hell knows what that bloody well means. And then, of course, I'm fine with the fact that you haven't seemed fit to say two words to me since we found out what happened, and you've shut yourself away in that room and left me out here like I didn't even matter to you. And gee, I don't know, I'm also scared out of my mind about what all of this means, Harry. How's that for 'what's wrong with me'?"

Ginny took a deep breath and then swore as her eyes were soon flooded with tears, turning away from him in shame.

"I'm sorry," came his tired voice behind her, and something about the sound of it just made her want to cry even more. But she turned back around instead.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Harry? Why are you like this?"

He hung his head as though embarrassed. "I…I don't know. I…don't…."

He stopped, and she waited for him to continue, but the minutes passed by, and still, he didn't look at her or offer her any other words. She felt like strangling him then; he seemed so defeated, and she couldn't stand the sight of it. As though sensing her anger again, he looked up finally, his face pale.

"I don't feel anything, Ginny. Nothing. I'm just…empty. Dumbledore…Hermione being hurt…the attack…it's like…." He brought his hands up to his face, but before he could do so, she saw it crumple with despair, and her heart ached in her chest. She went to him, and the minute she touched him, the ache that had been inside her seemed to lessen. She pulled him into her embrace and hugged him tightly, not understanding what was wrong, but suddenly feeling immensely ashamed for yelling at him and letting her anger get the better of her.

They moved over to the couch, and Ginny pulled him closer to her, comforting him. His hands tentatively worked their way around her until he was clinging to her.

"Harry, please…" she said softly, feeling confused.

"You know what I really thought when Mr Cosgrove told me about Hermione?" he finally said, his voice raw.

"What?"

"I was so bloody grateful it wasn't you. I'm a horrible person, Gin. What kind of person thinks that about their best friend? Hermione's been with Ron and me since my first year…and Dumbledore…Dumbledore's been…." He shook himself and met her eyes. "But I didn't care about any of that. I was happy, Ginny. I was happy you were with me and that we missed it. I'm so selfish."

Ginny suddenly understood his pain and shook her head as she took his face into her hands. "Harry, I…I was glad it wasn't you, too. My first thought when Brogan told us this morning was 'oh gods, thank goodness Harry was with me'. And you know what, Harry? As much as Hermione loves you, if the reverse had happened and she had been with Ron somewhere, and we had been attacked, I guarantee you she would have thought the same."

"But…."

"You love Hermione, Harry, just like she loves you. But you two aren't in lovewith each other. Ron means more to her, just like I mean more to you. It doesn't mean you love them any less…it's just different. I love my brothers, but not for one second would I put them over you. It's like…." Ginny paused, trying to put it into words. "We're each other's, Harry, you and me. Just like Ron is Hermione's, and Mum and Dad belong to each other, and your Mum and Dad belonged to each other. Your dad loved Sirius and Professor Lupin, but he loved you and your Mum even more and wanted nothing to happen to either of you. It's not wrong to be thankful that the person you love is okay, Harry. It's natural."

"I couldn't believe it; all these horrible things happened, and all I cared about was that you were safe," Harry said, half to himself, looking away. "I felt as though I was betraying them somehow."

"Oh, Harry." Ginny kissed him and then hugged him.

"I'm such a git."

Ginny wiped at her eyes and pulled away, smiling. "You are not. You just care so much about things. It's what makes you…well, you."

"I can't believe this has happened," he said after a moment as they settled back down into the sofa. Ginny moved her hands through his hair.

"I know," she said. "It feels unreal…as though it's just a bad dream. I can't…I feel useless sitting here in this abbey, miles away from everyone. Poor Ron…he's probably going crazy. And the school…oh my god, Harry, what are they going to do? Dumbledore is…."

"He's gone," Harry said, his voice harsh. She looked down at him, worried again. She could tell, even if he hadn't admitted it, how angry he was. It seemed to be coming off of him in small waves, and she thought again about how the window in Mr Cosgrove's office had exploded with such ferocity. The familiar feeling of anxiety filled her again, and she held onto him tighter, as though her arms could keep him safe.

Don't let him do anything before he's ready, she thought to herself as they continued to comfort each other. Don't let this anger get the best of him.

She frowned to herself as her thoughts turned hopeless, and the evening fell upon them both, the darkness beginning to seep through.

o-o-o-o-o

"I'm not exactly happy about this," Harry said to Ginny again as they got ready to leave. "The reason I wanted you at the abbey was so you'd stay safe."

She stood up from her trunk and frowned at him. "If you think for one minute that I'm going to stay here, without you, while my family is upset and Hermione is hurt -"

"Okay, okay," Harry said, holding up his hands and ending the discussion they'd repeatedly been having in the last few hours. He knew she was right, and quite frankly, he knew he would need her in the hours and days to come. They were to take their belongings back to Hogwarts and then go on to St Mungo's to be with the other Weasleys. There had been no news when McGonagall had finally contacted Mr Cosgrove, and she had merely suggested that Harry and Ginny return when they were able so that they could be with their friend. The start of term, which was to take place in a few days, had been postponed, as far as Harry knew. He wasn't sure he much cared about returning to classes, anyway.

He tried to hide it from Ginny, but he was furious and deeply frustrated. But he wasn't sure which force was driving him more - the anger he felt at what had happened or the anger he felt with himself. He felt useless and a complete failure - as though by being someplace else he had caused the attack to happen - and while he knew this was a bad train of thought, he still couldn't help it from creeping into his head.

If had I been there, maybe Hermione wouldn't have got hurt.

It was that single thought that kept rattling around his brain, looking for company. He felt as though he had somehow let his friends down, and even though he knew and understood what Ginny had told him, it still felt wrong to him.

But he also knew that he would not trade Ginny's safety for anything, and a fierce sort of protectiveness would well up inside of him. And then he would feel guilty again and could only imagine what Ron was going through. He remembered with perfect clarity how frenzied he had felt when Ginny had been taken - how powerless he had felt. He knew his best friend was probably going through hell if Hermione was still hurting.

"All right, I think I'm set," Ginny said, standing up and looking around. He noticed her expression and reached out for her hand.

"What's wrong?" He paused and gave her a small smile. "Well, besides the obvious."

She came to him, and he felt a brief respite from the worry that seemed to continually be within him now. Her touch could always soothe him.

"I just want to see Ron and make sure Hermione is okay and…." Ginny's voice trailed off as she hugged him, and he rested his head on top of hers.

"I know."

"I never thought I'd be going back to Hogwarts under such circumstances."

"I never did either," he admitted, rubbing the back of her head.

"I can't even comprehend of Hogwarts without…him," she said softly.

Harry felt a dull ache in his temple and a heaviness in his chest at her words, and closed his eyes. Worrying about his own guilt and Hermione's health did give him reprieve from one thing; he didn't have to deal with living in a world where Dumbledore was no longer able to guide him. The loss Harry felt at that was like nothing he had experienced before, and he felt unable to handle it yet.

"Come on," he said after a moment, feeling sick to his stomach. "Let's get everything to Mr Cosgrove's office."

They grabbed as much as they could, and Harry used his wand to hold her trunk out in front of them. He shrunk one or two of their bags to make it easier to carry, and he was suddenly painfully reminded of the last time he had seen Dumbledore before break. He pushed the memory away as he closed the door to their room behind him. Ginny paused and looked back at it for a second.

"Gin?"

She turned back around and met his eyes. "Despite everything, we've made some wonderful memories in that room. You know?"

Harry nodded and shifted one of the bags off his shoulders, taking her hand.

"Why do you think I'm still standing? Those memories make me bother to keep going," he said quietly as they started forward.

Ginny squeezed his hand. "The good times do make it worth it, don't they? I mean, they have to."

He nodded. "Of course. But I don't think I ever understood that until I fell in love with you."

Ginny stopped, and he looked back at her. She had a fierce look in her eyes. "I love you, Harry. So much. No matter what happens…no matter…just know that every moment we've had, I've cherished. Even when we were fighting or being stupid or just…reading or something…." She took a deep breath. "It's an honor to be with you, Harry. And I just had to say that, now, before I…."

Harry studied her for a moment and saw the passion that he loved in her and felt his heart tighten in his chest. "Are you breaking up with me?" he asked quietly.

Ginny frowned at him. "No -"

"Then why are you acting as though you're never going to see me again?"

"I'm not! I'm…" she paused when she saw the smile on his face. "Oh! Never mind. Fine, make fun of me for telling you how I really feel." She made as though to push past him, and he grabbed her, dropping the bags he was carrying. He kissed her hard, as though the mere act could wash away the last few days for both of them. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he heard a loud thud as the trunk he'd been keeping an eye on crashed to the floor as he became distracted. They finally broke apart, and Ginny's lips were a deep red color from the pressure of his. She shuddered as she took a deep breath and fixed him with an intense stare.

"Git," she whispered. Harry smiled, and they both turned as a noise at the end of the hall, startled them. Brogan came running up the hallway, wand out and looking quite anxious. He stopped when he saw them.

"I heard a crash," he said. He looked around at the trunk and then at the position of Ginny pushed against the wall, shaking his head. "Blimey. I don't begrudge you two any snogs, but…next time make sure the trunk is on the ground first."

"Sorry," Harry said, stepping back and picking up the bags he'd dropped. "We sort of had a moment."

He saw Ginny bite her lip and look away as though embarrassed about wanting to laugh. He nodded at Brogan. "Are we leaving soon?"

"Yeah. Here, let me do it this time," the other man said as he took care of the trunk.

They made their way to Cosgrove's office, and the other man looked sadly at all of them for a moment.

"I wish I had something more encouraging to say to you three…all I can really say is take care of yourselves. Harry, Albus had the highest regard and respect for you and your abilities. I'm not sure he ever told you that. He never once wavered in his assertion that you would be victorious in this war. And Ginny…he was really proud of you as well. We spent a great deal of time talking about you before you came to the abbey, and I have to admit, I may have been a cynic, but I've come to know you as a very forthright, talented, and able-bodied witch. And that's without the extra bonus of Aine," Mr Cosgrove added, his face brightening for a moment. He turned to Brogan next, and Harry thought he was going to hug the other man, but it was as though he stopped himself.

"Brogan, be careful. You know I think you're a talented wizard and remarkable young man. Help these two, and just do the best you can. That's all anyone can expect from you."

Brogan nodded, and Mr Cosgrove turned away quickly as though embarrassed and held out the Portkey they were using. Brogan waited for them to all be ready and tapped his wand on the item, sending them back to an uncertain future.

o-o-o-o-o

"Fred! George!" Ginny pulled away from Harry as she saw her brothers and ran off ahead of him, jumping into her older brother's arms.

"Sis!" Fred exclaimed, almost dropping the two cups of tea he was carrying as the small ball of Ginny slammed into him. Harry hung back at the stairs to the fifth floor, waiting for the reunion to be over. George looked at him and smiled.

"Thanks for bringing her back, Harry."

"No problem, George," Harry said, nodding.

"Of course, she wouldn't stay if you wanted her to anyway, right?" George asked knowingly as Ginny next turned to him, squeezing him tightly and then looking crossly up at him.

"Shut it," she said and then smiled. "Where is everyone? No one has told us a damn thing. How is Hermione? How is Ron?"

Fred and George exchanged looks, and Harry joined them, disentangling Ginny from around George.

"Er, you haven't spoken to McGonagall then?"

They shook their heads, and Harry explained. "She was busy; it was Flitwick that made sure we arrived okay, and then he told Brogan that we should come directly here to St Mungo's, so…we dropped off our bags, and that's it."

"Look, you two should sit down," George said, indicating they head back to the teashop.

"What's wrong?" Ginny asked, her voice sharp.

"I was taking this up to Mum and Dad," Fred said hopefully as he eyed his brother, and George scowled at him.

"They can wait, and you can do this with me. Sit."

"Out with it," Ginny said, looking from brother to brother as they sat down and didn't say anything right away.

"Well, it's pretty bad," George said, looking tired. "She's still out cold, and she's not responding to anything. Ron's completely lost it. He just sits there, staring at her. He didn't even flinch when I tried to cheer him up -"

"Well, it was sort of in bad taste, you know…." Fred closed his mouth as George glared at him.

"Anyway, Mum and Dad have been beside themselves, of course. First, they were angry that Ron got involved in the fighting. Then they were angry because he let Hermione get involved, and then they were angry because well, I don't know exactly…."

"I think everyone is going a bit mad," Fred concluded, looking sad. "I still can't believe what happened to Dumbledore."

"What did happen exactly?" Harry asked.

"Well, from what I can figure out, they dueled and that's it. No one knows anything else. Everyone who was watching it keeps saying different things."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, confused.

"Well, it's like….some people say Dumbledore was hit head-on with a curse, others say he deflected it. Lupin still swears he saw You-Know-Who take something from Dumbledore, and only then did the great man fall…."

"Yeah, it's weird. Of course, Ron is no help, he was busy taking care of Hermione and fighting for his own life. The closest people to Dumbledore are…well…dead."

"Who were the students that died?" Ginny asked, and she reached for Harry's hand, squeezing it.

Fred looked sadder than Harry had ever seen him, and George wouldn't meet their eyes.

"Who was it?" he asked, running through all of his classmates in his head.

"Seamus Finnegan and…Dean Thomas," Fred said quietly, looking at Ginny.

"And a Ravenclaw…Terry Boot," George continued.

"Dean and Seamus are dead?" Harry asked in disbelief. He saw a matching look of horror on Ginny's face.

"And it's worse; besides Hermione, Neville and Luna are here too. Although I think Neville is going to pull through, they said he woke up earlier for a little while. He was the farthest one back from the blast, I guess."

"The blast?" Ginny asked. "What blast? Something blew up?"

"You two didn't see it?" Fred asked.

"We didn't go outside when we arrived," Harry said, feeling numb.

"When You-Know-Who and Dumbledore fought or whatever happened between them, there was a huge blast, and it knocked out everyone who was close by. There's a huge crater in the front part of the grounds, apparently. Tonks said she'd never seen the earth so scorched."

"So that's why Hermione is knocked out? Because of that?" Harry asked.

"No, she was fighting with a Death Eater, Ron said. Bloody hell, you'd think for a girl with so much common sense she would have…." Fred stopped and looked ashamed.

"Ron said she was instrumental in getting the DA to help the professors," George said quietly. "She bloody well told them off for not being brave and putting all their hard work to the test. I think she only meant for them to be back-up…I don't think she expected the Death Eaters to get as close to the school as they did."

Harry felt miserable. Hermione had been hurt because of him. If he had never started the DA, she would have never thought they could handle themselves. What the hell had she been thinking? He suddenly thought, frustration pushing through the despair. He felt a wall of anger inside him and didn't notice Ginny pulling her hand away in shock. The teacup that had been sitting in front of him suddenly burst, causing everyone to look at him.

"Harry, calm down," Ginny said, her voice low. She touched him, and he jerked away, not wanting to be soothed.

"She's here because of me," he said in a low voice. "She's hurt because she thought she could fight. If I hadn't been teaching everyone how to defend themselves, she would have stayed in the school and been safe. They would all still be alive. I gave them false hope…I made them think they could handle it!"

"No, you didn't!" Ginny said, matching the tone in his voice, her face going from white to bright pink. "You gave them real hope, Harry. You made them active participants instead of being passive and just waiting for something like this to happen. They all knew what they were getting into when they agreed to keep up with the group. The only person to blame for this is Voldemort!"

"Voldemort went there looking for me!" Harry yelled back, pushing away from the table. The other people in the teashop were watching them all in alarm. "He couldn't find me, so he took it out on Dumbledore and Hermione and Seamus and…I've fouled up everything. I should have been there! To help them fight, to…keep them from dying…." Harry felt a choking feeling and closed his mouth abruptly. He turned and left the teashop, not knowing where he was going and not caring if anyone followed.

o-o-o-o-o

"Harry?"

He wasn't startled by the voice that did eventually find him, but he was startled by who it belonged to. He turned in surprise as Remus Lupin entered the room. The older man gave him a tentative smile, and when Harry nodded, he moved closer to him, letting the door swing shut behind him.

"I was expecting Ginny," Harry said after a moment, going back to staring outside the window.

"She er…suggested someone else attempt to talk to you first."

Harry glanced at his old professor and saw the look on his face. He snorted. "Yeah, I bet that's exactly what she said."

"She's worried about you; we all are."

"People should be worried about their loved ones…people that aren't selfish and full of themselves," Harry said quietly under his breath. A moment later, he felt Lupin's hand on his shoulder and turned.

"People are worried about you because they love you as well as everyone else that got caught in the battle, Harry. Never doubt that. As for being selfish, I don't really understand that as you have given more in this war than almost anyone I know."

"Anyone still alive, you mean," Harry said bitterly.

Lupin sighed and slumped down into the windowsill next to Harry. "I don't know what exactly I can tell you, Harry, because I don't understand death any more than you do. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about Sirius…or James…or any of the other faces I used to know when I was your age that are no longer with us. And I always think, why them? Why not me? They were brave and full of so much life, so much heart. I lived a lot of my life hiding from people and being too afraid to reach out to anyone else…as if there could be anyone that would…." Lupin paused and looked away, as though embarrassed. When he turned back to Harry again, there was a small smile on his face, but it didn't reach his eyes. He gave Harry a knowing look.

"What are you most upset over, Harry? The fact that people died or the fact that you couldn't help them fight?"

Harry scowled and looked away, feeling a lump in his throat. "I should have stayed at the school for break," he said quietly.

"And trade away your Christmas with Ginny?"

Harry closed his eyes and sighed, his shoulders slumping. "No, of course not. I…I'd never trade any moment with her for anything…but…Dumbledore…I can't…."

"Albus knew more than anyone what was at stake in this war, Harry. And…." Lupin stopped again, his voice sounding choked. Harry looked at him and saw that he wasn't the only one trying to deal with too many emotions. Professor Lupin shook his head and gave Harry a sober look. "Albus isn't dead, though. He's just…."

"Not living," Harry finished. "Surely they can do something for him…I can't believe…."

"You should see him," Lupin said quietly. "And you should see the Weasleys and visit with Hermione. If you feel bad about missing the fight, you should show the people here that you support them and their efforts."

Harry felt ashamed at the tone in Professor Lupin's voice, and the other man finally smiled for real this time, his expression kind as he put a hand on his shoulder.

"Harry, you have an amazing gift for making people feel better; just your presence for Ron and Hermione and the others…it will do more than you could ever realize. Despite your misgivings in the matter, they do look up to you. And they trust you to do the right thing and to help them. I'm afraid that with Albus gone, it's going to happen more and more."

"But what if I don't even know what the hell I'm doing?" Harry asked as they turned to leave the room.

"I've seen you grow up a lot in this last year, Harry. I know you don't feel ready, and perhaps you're right. But I also know you're the type of person who will always keep trying. That's all any of us can ask of you."

Harry nodded but didn't feel touched by Lupin's words. Inside him, there was still a dark and angry place brewing, and he was worried about the next thing to come, not sure if he would be able to handle it.

o-o-o-o-o