Alistair was always an odd one to Elissa. He deflected any direct questions about himself or his feelings with off-color jokes, which she could understand, and even appreciate, in a sense, but he was never one to really try and hide his feelings on something.

He had made it abundantly clear he wasn't a fan of her from the beginning. He was friendly, sure, and that was more effort than he gave Morrigan, but Alistair could tell she didn't enjoy his presence, so he typically made himself scarce when she was around.

And yet, when Elissa had given herself up to Ser Cauthrien, Alistair didn't hesitate to step forward and go with her. He stood by her side the entire way through Howe's estate, refrained from getting between her and the arl the one time it looked like she might actually need help, and had tried so hard to break himself out of his cell when their guards almost killed her.

It was an odd relationship they had. Words were hardly spoken outside of Aedan's or Leliana's presence. Looks were never exchanged. Nothing ever happened between them, and yet, they kept each other safe when it came down to it.

Elissa wasn't good with words. Alistair wasn't, either. Both of them were bumbling buffoons, tripping and stumbling awkwardly over many encounters with other members of their little party, including the rare few they had together. They shared strange cases of abandonment, though Alistair seemed much more at peace with his own, and didn't seem to have ever harbored a grudge or ill will as a result.

She was older than he, and Alistair, for all his goofiness and silly jokes, was still infinitely more mature than she was.

But he was a good man. He deserved to know she only thought highly of him. Maybe it would sound strange coming from her, or maybe he would vomit like he claimed to every time he saw Morrigan. Maybe he'd laugh in her face. It didn't matter. Whatever strange friendship they had, he deserved to know she appreciated it and appreciated him.

Between her and her fellow Warden, however, was the queen herself.

Elissa wasn't exactly sure how she felt about Anora. She'd never really spent any time with the woman, never really formed an opinion on her, and in another world, Elissa might've been offended by that. In another world, it was likely they would've grown up together in much the same way that Aedan, Cailan, and Anora had. In another world, Elissa might've actually had friends and a social circle, and might've actually been able to tolerate the rest of the nobility.

But here she was, having grown up at home with only her brothers and her father's soldiers and knights, and completely unsure of how she felt about their queen.

"Your Majesty," Elissa mumbled, barely inclining her head, trying desperately to sneak past in search of Alistair.

Anora stepped in her way, holding up a hand to try and stop her. "If we could speak, Warden—"

"I'm busy," Elissa said quickly. "I have things to attend to before the Landsmeet."

Anora squared her shoulders, eyebrows raising, and Elissa realized it wasn't a request. She had phrased it that way out of politeness, not because Elissa really had a choice in the matter, and she reluctantly took a step back so they could talk.

"I wanted to apologize for my...actions at Howe's estate," Anora said. "Truth be told, I panicked, and I wasn't sure how to extract myself from the situation peacefully."

Elissa just shook her head. "I get it. I don't care that you did it, but I understand, and I still don't particularly care. Now if you'll excuse me..."

Elissa wasn't polite in the same way Anora tried to be. She shoved her way past the queen, eyes rolling when she'd passed, but Anora's voice cut her off. "I want to be sure there are no grudges being held between us, Elissa."

Her name on Anora's lips made her skin crawl. Of the two times she had seen Anora in her life, not once had she acknowledged her by name. Sure, Anora had spoken to her one of those two times, and had known who she was, but not once was her name used, and Elissa didn't like the absurdity of it.

And after last night, Elissa didn't feel like she needed the stress of...whatever game Anora was playing.

"There are none, my lady," Elissa said.

"Has Aedan spoken to you recently?" Anora asked. "Of his...suggestion?"

Elissa stiffened and swallowed deeply. So that's what this was about. "No, I don't believe he has." She turned, wiping any emotion from her face. "Is something wrong?"

Anora almost smiled before shaking her head. "No, quite the opposite, I believe. Good day to you, Warden, and good luck."

With that said, Anora turned on her heel and continued down the hall. Elissa remained where she stood for several seconds, eyebrows furrowed as she tried to process this encounter. Elissa didn't understand shit about politics or nobility. She barely understood Anora had been getting at something when she asked if she knew about Aedan's proposal. Had he told her it had been her and Alistair's idea? If he didn't, was Anora really perceptive enough to pick that up?

Probably. Aedan wasn't exactly quiet about hating the idea of being king. He hated it almost as much as Alistair did, but then, at least Aedan had experience in the area. Out of the two, Aedan was far more qualified for the position, and it had been a mutual agreement that it would be the wiser choice. What option did they have, anyway? Ferelden would need a strong leader to get them through the Blight and the years following, and none of them thought Alistair would be capable on his own—you had to want it to some extent to be truly capable of ruling a kingdom, and Alistair definitely did not.

Neither did Aedan, but then, he was the son of a teyrn, and not a bastard.

Leaving Anora to rule alone was just...it didn't sit right with Elissa and both of the men had agreed. It wouldn't be right leaving the traitor's daughter on the throne by herself, but since Cailan became king and they wed, it was painfully obvious who actually ruled Ferelden.

Elissa shook her head, sighing, and returned to her task. Find Alistair. Tell him she appreciated whatever sort of friendship they had, leave before it got too awkward. Just let him know she wasn't like Morrigan. Let him know she was sorry for the way she acted after Ostagar. Let him know she wished she could redo all of this so they could be friends.

Easier said than done.

It was hard enough just...existing in the same space as Leliana, and Leliana understood Elissa in a way she didn't even match. The patience there was so sweet it was almost sickening; there was no way she would be able to tell Leliana something like this, let alone Alistair, but oh, she would try.

Wasn't her biggest gripe with herself not being a good person? This would be a start to fixing that. She didn't want to die like...like she had been. Elissa was better now—calmer, friendlier. She made jokes now.

Eventually, Elissa found him with Aedan, Eamon, and Riordan in Eamon's study. They were discussing the Landsmeet and their plans for afterwards, a conversation Elissa would've found herself part of if she hadn't slept in. She was glad she wasn't part of it though. From the look of absolute boredom on Alistair's face, he didn't want to be part of it, either.

"Hello, sister," Aedan said. "Did you want to join us?"

"No, I'd just like to borrow Alistair for a few minutes, if that's all right."

Alistair nodded eagerly, jumping from his chair with so much enthusiasm she almost laughed. "Maker, yes. Anything to get out of here."

Eamon sighed and Aedan chuckled, and Riordan looked rather indifferent as the two of them retreated back into the hallways. She led him quite a ways away, about as far as she dared from worry Anora might intrude.

"Thank you," Alistair breathed, exasperated. "If I had to sit there for five more minutes, I think my head might've exploded."

She snorted. "Wouldn't be much different from now, would it?"

He laughed, saying, "You wound me, dear lady. Perhaps I should go back—Aedan's nicer."

Elissa giggled, shaking her head, and said, "No, please. It's important and I don't know if I'll be able to tell you later."

"Oh," he said, wiggling an eyebrow. "Juicy gossip, eh? Aedan never wants to talk shit."

"No, it's different. Serious."

His demeanor completely changed, smirk falling flat. "Is something wrong?"

Again, Elissa shook her head. "No, I just... I wanted to apologize."

"What?" He scoffed a bit of a laugh, frown reverting into a confused half-grin, and he asked, "For what?"

"For...everything," Elissa explained, chewing on her lip. She ran her hands down her thighs in a feeble attempt to dry them—there was armor there, chainmail and a jacket, specifically, and it did nothing to help her hands stop sweating. "For the way I treated you after Ostagar. You were mourning, and I was...an asshole. You didn't deserve that and I'm sorry."

Alistair's frown deepened. "Where's this coming from?"

"I don't do a lot of talking, Alistair," Elissa said. "I just sit. And stare. And think about how awful I must've been to be around, and I feel terrible for it."

He shrugged sheepishly. "It's okay, I suppose. Everyone handles things differently, right?"

"No, stop...whatever that is," she said. "You've been a better person throughout all of this. Let me apologize for being shitty and thank you for being...not...like me."

He chuckled. "I won't stop you, then."

For a few seconds, she didn't say anything, and neither did he. And then those seconds turned into minutes, and it felt like those minutes turned into hours.

"I'm not going to lie, I didn't think I'd get this far," Elissa admitted, and Alistair laughed. "No, seriously! I thought I was going to drop dead before I even got one word out. I don't know. I feel terrible for treating you the way I did. I always have, I just... I dunno. I was worried nothing I'd do or say would fix everything that was wrong, and I didn't want to try."

"It's all right," Alistair said. "I don't really get it, but..." He shrugged. "I was pretty resentful and angry as a kid, so..." Another shrug. "Eamon let Isolde ship me off to a monastery when I was ten and I never forgave him for that until recently."

"That must've been terrible," Elissa said.

He shrugged. "I got through it, didn't I? Now I'm a Grey Warden, and I wouldn't be here without Isolde convincing him to get rid of me, so it all worked out in the end."

She nodded. "Yeah, I suppose so."

"I don't think I would want to be anywhere else, anyway," Alistair continued. "Can you imagine me in some chapel in the middle of nowhere?"

"No."

"Exactly!" Alistair said. "I wouldn't be able to take care of my hair. The cheese would be unbearable. All I would have is a nice uniform, but that can't sustain a man! How would I survive?"

Elissa grinned and so did he. "Leliana might disagree. Clothes are everything to her."

"Oh, well, the shoes weren't anything special," Alistair said. "Just brown boots. Very tacky, not tasteful whatsoever."

"That's the deal breaker right there."

They both shared another laugh, allowing a comfortable silence to fall over them, before Elissa sat promptly on the floor. It wasn't a very nice position to be sitting in; her armor, mostly the leather on her shoulders, dug into her skin. Alistair, however, didn't seem bothered by his own armor, and sat without complaint.

"Are you and Leliana..." He made a face. "Y'know..."

Elissa felt her cheeks redden. "No, I don't know."

"Canoodling?"

Elissa scoffed. "No, of course not. We're just...friends."

Alistair snorted and made a face again. "Joke about me being the dumb one all you want, but no one here is stupid enough to believe something isn't going on there."

"There isn't!"

"Okay," Alistair said, getting back up. "If you say so, but just know Zevran and Oghren are taking bets."

"What?"

Elissa scrambled to her feet as Alistair laughed. "I'm joking! I'm joking, I swear." She eyeballed him as he finished chuckling, and he put his hands up, saying, "I promise. I was just curious."

She snorted indignantly. "Well...stop it. There's not...anything, anywhere."

"Oh, I'm sure," Alistair said, nodding exaggeratedly. "Of course not."

Elissa just scoffed again and turned her back on him, marching away with her shoulders hunched in irritation. He was still chuckling, rather proud of himself for his cleverness, and she paused for a moment.

"Alistair?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you give yourself up?"

She turned briefly, just in time to see him shrug. "You would've done the same for me."

It wasn't a question. Alistair stated it as fact, despite the dirty looks she threw him and rude comments she used to make. He knew it was true without even needing confirmation, and for a second, Elissa felt like throwing up.

She would have. If Alistair had been the one being arrested, Elissa would've thrown herself after him without a second thought.

"Thanks, Alistair."

He nodded as he made to return to his meeting. "Of course."

She watched him go, but with one word, she called him back, and wrapped him up in a hug so tight he exaggerated a gasp for air. "Thank you for taking care of my brother when I couldn't."

Alistair hesitated, but then returned the gesture.