FSG Belong To ELJames

Story for being such a lazy writer. Too many school assignments are on my head. You know, online classes.

Apov

"No Christian!" I struggle out of his hold and step away.

"Why not, Ana?"

"I'm neither your first choice nor your best."

"You are my only choice." He grabs my arms and pull me to him and holds me until the shades of tears floors out.

This is what I have been apprehensive of. His need to be with me clashing with my reluctance. Its not that I don't want to be with him...its just that, after a long time I intend to sort myself and not let him into my mess again. There are too many things to drool over and letting him in would germinate more suffering.

And he's asking this question the past week has me on edge. Its as difficult to refuse him as it was leaving Ed all those years ago. Though, Chrisitan urges roots for pang in my heart like thunder blundering on a stormy day. He makes me believe in future, for us. And I want it. So bad.

I sob, "Don't ask me again, please...I'll say yes."

He gives me a weak smile. "I'll ask until you say yes. I can't..."

"Don't say you can't live without me." I snap.

"I can live without you." I stare at him. "I just don't want to live without you."

I struggle out of his hold. "You don't understand...I can't..."

"Ana..."

"No!" I glare at him. "I can't. I don't want it. Please."

"Why? Why? Tell me, why?"

"Because I'm sacred. I'm scared of the way you make me feel."

"You are scared of the way I make you feel because you don't want to feel anything."

I stare at him. Registering how true his words are. Feeling too much has always been dreadful to me and those around me. I don't want to harden my heart, ofcourse not. I just, only for a short period, float like the river without any destination. Just going. Christian's each word gives me a new dream, hope, expectation despite the fact that we both have been the cause of each others torment in many ways, it just cannot deny the fact that we do want...more. Perhaps its the reason that we have lived together so long and confined everything that not being together doesn't seems right. And love has nothing to do with it.

"Yes. Some guilts." He says. "Pain. Regrets. Its been long gone, Ana. Time to move on. You are just going to go in some kind of oblivion and dissapear, again. I won't let you."

I close my eyes. "Stop. Just stop your moral talk. I'm leaving. And you are not stopping me."

He grab me by my shoulders. "I'll stop you. I will not let you go. Ever."

I open my eyes and gaze at him, those beautiful gray fixed at me, and shake my head. "Christian..."

"Isn't it enough?" He asks. "For one lifetime? Let it go, Ana. Please, just accept what we have. Stay."

I put my head against his chest and sob. "Christian..."

"Shush. It's okay. We are together."

*

Christian has been right. It has been my regrets and guilts which stopped me all these years from moving on and latching onto the memories which aren't mine anyomore. Time to let go. Gran is right, I just have to accept what I have in present instead of mulling over the past and stressing over the future.

Forgiveness is something, hard to come. I can't say Christian really forgets my infedility but he has accepted me as I'm; even though at that time we weren't much, still I hate myself for it-- flaws and all for we don't live with someone because we forget their mistakes, we do because we forgive them.

So, on the another, wedding rehearsal Christian proposed and he has already invited my gran and Alice occasioning the happiness to soar higher and we married after Elliot and Kate returned from their honeymoon, for real.

During the toast Elliot burst into tears. Alice can play piano, Christian's private interest. Mia choked halfway through her speech and Kate has been all highway. Mrs. Grey, Mom, remained all teary eyed and Mr. Grey or shall I call him Dad has had his reasons which he's past. He doesn't want anything more than his sons happiness. And this particular individual, Mr. Jason Taylor, who always had a heartly interest for Christian appreared much happy for us.

And now, with all heart Sitka is the best for the chilly honeymoon. Us, together. Finally.

I snuggle next to Christian and he wraps his arms around me. Far ahead, the trees are glittering from freshly frozen snow creating a black and white impression with its contrasting blackish trunk. The sky is its usual heavy and heaving sighs of daylight. The windbell tinkers on the porch making soft tinkling sound of metal clanking together. I better nip that away. That thing is something.

"So, whats next?" He asks.

I take a deep breath. "I'm going to write."

He raises his brows. "Write...exactly what?"

"A book." I give him a smug smile.

"Ah!" He nods. "Best of luck with that."

I slap his arm. "Hey. I can write very well."

"We'll see to that." He smiles and kisses me and I melt in his embrace. Like the first time at some french balcony.

THE END

*

P.S_I've said this before and must say it again. I wrote this story just for fun. I had an idea so, I put it here. Nothing serious. I know there has been lots of mistakes throughtout the story. I'm sorry for that and am thankful that you took the trouble of reading it.

(And I didn't proofread my story, hence the mistakes. Sorry. I was just so eager to finish this...)

I hope you liked the story.

Please Review.

If it weren't for all you dear readers I'm afraid I would have finished this story.

Take Care.

A BIG Thank You.

Bye Bye

Beverly(Terrible Writer)