"What are you doing?"
Shippo lifted the calligraphy brush from the roll of paper and met the worried eyes of Kagome.
Why she seemed worried was puzzling. It was so early and she'd been sound asleep only minutes ago. But there she stood above him, eyes full of poorly-masked worry.
He cleared his throat.
"I forgot to do this before. It's been so great being with you this week." He stood to show her the scroll. "I'm sending out my messages."
She eyed the roll of paper quizzically.
"How?"
"I'll show you."
He crouched back down and she followed him until both hovered over the parchment. He flicked his wrists, scrolling the wet brush along the surface to form the incantation he'd learned for message scribing. Then he tore it off to separate it from the roll. He watched her eyes fill with amazement as the ink disappeared. He brought the small strip up to his lips and whispered his message.
He lowered it again so she could watch as the new words he'd spoken filled the paper.
"Magic." She stated.
He smiled, rolling the little strip closed. "It's what I do."
He took an acorn from his sleeve and placed it into the hollow shell.
"Maybe she's not worried at all, but Asagi is expecting me to write."
She watched him attentively until he finished his demonstration sending it off, and they shared a smile. But, when she looked away the already, ever tense woman, seemed nervous. Her hands came together in front of her waist and she squeezed. Her lips pursed together.
He realized she wanted to ask him something, but why would she be nervous to? He opted to start back toward camp, mind reeling over what it was she would say as she fell in step beside him.
"So." She began, looking anywhere but at him.
"I imagine you write to the others, too."
He raised an eyebrow at that. "Well, yeah. Sango gets mad if I don't check in, nowadays. I write to the others just to keep her off my back."
He'd been waiting a week now for her to start asking questions. The day after he joined them, after she'd gone to sleep, Kouga had come to him. He told him not to bring up the "others".
None of them, he'd emphasized.
When he asked why, angry at the command, Kouga had refused to elaborate. He said it didn't matter why, that if he loved her, he would heed the request. It was the seriousness of the wolf that had him begrudgingly following his order.
All week, Kagome had not spoken a word about the past. When it was all he could do not to, it made his head ache, imaging all the reasons why she wasn't asking.
Why she wasn't reminiscing.
He remembered his chat with Sango. What ever had happened to make her leave in the first place, must have been much worse than they feared. It made him angry with worry, and there was only one person he kept coming to blame. He remembered his chat with Sango, about the mysterious reason for her departure, and it was the only thing that kept him from jumping to conclusions.
"Is there anyone else? Other than Sango or Miroku, do you write to anyone else?"
The omittance of one name in particular almost made him trip. It couldn't be more obvious to him after that question. He closed his mouth and looked away when her eyes sought him out.
He shrugged. "Who else would I write?"
He didn't bother looking her way again, knowing she wouldn't say it. He'd assumed at first, after explaining briefly to her that he hadn't seen Inuyasha in a year, she wouldn't ask about him.
She hadn't asked about the others either. She'd avoided conversation about their old group all week. But after that question, and seeing her, unflinching, upon hearing them spoken of, he knew she probably did want to talk about them.
Only, something kept her silent on the matter of their friends. That she hadn't just said Inuyasha's name was telling.
It was the dog. The dog kept her from asking.
He had known it was the dogs fault all this time, her reason for leaving. He hadn't wanted to believe it, but he wasn't so naive anymore. And he wasn't too oblivious to miss the way she, so obviously, wasn't over what had happened between her and the dog, even now.
The big question was, what made her seem so-for lack of a better word-unwell?
He'd been with her and the wolf long enough to notice her aura was way off. She wasn't herself. The Kagome he knew was here and yet, she wasn't. It had nothing to do with her terrifying newfound power.
What made her into the Kagome she was now? What made her too afraid to even ask about her own family? About her best friend? About the one meant to be her mate?
"I should write Sango. But I don't want to tell them I found you yet. I like all the attention."
She giggled at that and ruffled his hair. The smile was forced, though, and he could tell.
"Well let's keep it between us for now, ok?"
"You two comin' back without grub, tells me you weren't up this early to hunt." Kouga's gravely voice drew his attention.
He looked up at Kagome, like always, for her to answer the wolf.
She smiled, seeming to perk up, but once again, the smile didn't fool Shippo.
"Why don't I go with you? You get some fish and I can wash up."
Shippo held back an irritated growl.
She was purposely going to avoid further discussion about the topic. He already knew.
He hadn't wanted to tell the others about her. He wasn't fibbing. He wanted her to himself for as long as he could have her. Not to mention, his desire to avoid whatever awkward-or violent-reunion with one member of the old group weighing on him.
But bad blood or not, now, all he wanted was to tell them. He wanted her away from the wolf.
She was keeping something from him-something important-and it pissed him off. She had always trusted him. That she wasn't herself with him, told him that she didn't trust him now, and it was unfair of her not to.
He wouldn't allow it. One way or another he'd make her understand that. Once he had a full picture, he could begin taking what steps he needed to to get her away from the wolf. He could get her back where she belonged.
Once she was, whether or not she'd allow Inuyasha back in, could be sorted out. He pictured his old friend, and tried imagining a scenario where he came out unscathed. Regardless of what happened when they split up, Shippo should have told him by now, as he should have Sango and Miroku. It was the right thing to do.
But he knew in heart, after only one night with the woman, she didn't want anything to do with her would-be mate.
He had his suspicions, it was what kept her from confiding in him. What made her seem so-off.
He watched as she left with the wolf and poked at the fire. The longer he waited to tell them, Inuyasha in particular, grew his chances of another ass beating. Remembering the last whooping he got soured his mood instantly.
"Damn dog."
He was still mad about what happened, wasn't he? He'd stayed far away from Inuyasha all year, angry at the man for everything. So why couldn't he stop thinking about him? Why did he feel guilty about watching Kagome journey, practically hand in hand, with his old rival? Why couldn't he stop his own anger at seeing her get anywhere close to the wolf?
He knew she was not, in fact, Inuyasha's true mate.
He bit back a growl.
Even with Inuyasha out of the equation, he hated Kouga. Hated seeing him touch her.
He hated when, in her silence, he'd see her carefully stoic expression twist into a smile for the older demon. She didn't know he could sense her imbalance. That he knew her carefree smiles had been all but real. He remembered what it really looked like.
Still, she played her part.
And why?
Why wouldn't she talk about them? Or Inuyasha-the one she was meant to be with?
He decided not to go along with it. And when he saw her return to camp, smiling for the wolf like he made her happiest in the world, he decided not to wait.
"Hey, Kagome. Will you go for a walk with me?"
He watched Kouga's big sweaty arm loose itself from around her neck, and place his kill beside the fire.
Kagome seemed to be surprised by his request, eyes wide like she'd been caught off guard.
Kouga sniffed. "If she's up to it, I can cook these up while you-"
"She doesn't need your permission." He interjected, annoyed he answered for her.
Kouga rolled his eyes and went to work, and Shippo growled.
"Uh, sure."
Kagome's cheery voice finally made its way out of her mouth and Shippo almost forgot his hatred for the other party, in their ill-fit group. He peeled his eyes off the back of the wolf's head and forced a smile up at her.
She fell into step with him and they walked. How long they walked for he didn't know. He was trying to sort out the mess in his head carefully.
Finally, it was Kagome who broke the tense quiet.
"Did you want to talk to me about something?"
He stopped and looked around. She'd stopped a few paces back and the look on her face told him nothing. But the nervousness he sensed from her was thick in the air.
He listened for the wolf and didn't speak until he was certain they were alone.
"Kagome, I think we should go see Sango and Miroku." He started.
She shifted her weight to the other foot, but still her face stayed blank.
"Well, it's just not a good time right now Shippo. I need to focus on finding the last shard."
Inuyasha has the last shard. He almost said it.
"It could be anywhere." He said instead. "Let's go north. We can look along the way."
Her mouth drew into a tight line.
"No. Eventually it will come to that, but for now Kouga and I have a plan, and we should stick to it."
"Come to that?" He fired back, more harsh than he'd meant to.
She said it like she dreaded it. He waited for her response, holding his breath. When she sighed and looked away his hackles rose.
"Kouga-"
He practically hissed at his name leaving her mouth. He could feel all his thoughts taking form on his tongue, lining up neatly to spill out all manner of insults for the wolf, and accusations for Kagome.
He began pacing, kicking brown, crunchy leaves on the forest floor, all his ugly thoughts about her relationship with Kouga racing.
He knew they were just friends. Intimate contact was just something afforded to them with the close bond they obviously shared now. It just wasn't something he could accept. Friends or not, she shouldn't just let him drape his arm around her so possessively, and cling to him like it was natural. It was unnatural. She was a spoken-for woman! He wouldn't let her go on, as she had been. She shouldn't even be here!
He spun around and faced the direction back to camp.
"You don't belong to him." He snapped, unwilling to face her.
He heard her inhale sharp through her nose and almost flinched.
"No." She said, tone unreadable. He'd guess her face was just as well.
"You don't belong with his pack either." He'd leave no room for cleverness on her part.
"I don't belong anywhere now, Shippo."
Her voice was smaller, less certain. He almost looked back at her face, but was afraid of seeing the same blank expression.
Should he press it? Remind her where it was she did belong?
He barked out a bitter laugh at his own stupidity.
Who could say when he'd gotten so loyal to that prick half demon? He knew the bastard never laid a real claim on this woman, but he knew he wanted to. And here he was, without having seen the guy in over a year, instinctively protecting what was "his".
It was foolish.
If Inuyasha were here to see her tomorrow, there would be no grand reuniting, or staked claims, or confessions of love. He was too stubborn, and more than that, angry for the way she had parted. It would be an all out war, maybe even a bloody one, since she had herself a new guard dog.
Shippo wouldn't put it past Kouga to attack the moment the first insult slung out the dog demon's mouth. He shook his head in disapproval at the imagined scenario.
Such a prideful idiot.
"You do belong, Kagome." He braved looking at her, despite her tension.
She actually looked hurt. He could see it on her face.
"Whatever happened between you and Inuyasha-it doesn't matter. We-me, Sango, Miroku, even Inuyasha-we are your family!"
Her pained face turned angry as she turned away from him. Shippo could guess why. She couldn't hide her disdain for the half demon. It made him wonder how long a human could be stubborn for, and he almost asked her, but she turned back to him and her face had changed.
She was always doing that. Locking herself up inside herself. Inuyasha had done quite the opposite, and Inuyasha wouldn't allow her to keep pretending like the wolf.
"We should go see Inuyasha." He said, finally, outright. He couldn't hide his decision.
The mask slipped and worry struck her features. She wasn't just being stubborn. She was afraid to go see him.
He held off the immediate accusations he had for her, only to hear whatever it was she might say.
"I don't want you to go, Shippo. But if you must go see them-"
"Not me. Us. You and me, together."
She looked a bit annoyed with him.
"Well, I-"
"And I didn't say, them. I said, Inuyasha."
"Shippo." She trailed off, looking suddenly very sad. "I can't."
"Sure you can." He argued. "It's very easy, I'll even lead the way-"
"You don't understand." She countered, more annoyed now. "I can't."
"Yes you can." He pressed, less careful of her feelings. He didn't want to hear her excuses, involving the wolf. "Kouga is a big boy. He will be fine without-"
"I can't see him, Shippo!" She shouted, unexpectedly.
Raw emotion filtered out, and finally, he saw his real Kagome. Though, now that he did, he regretted pushing her.
"You're so young, and I can't possibly tell you what happened. But you must understand why, anyway. For me. I can never see Inuyasha, again. He must never know I am here. Do you understand?"
Shock had his mouth hanging open. She was crying, and begging him. It made his heart hurt for her. Seeing her cry hurt his feelings more than anything. He felt a lump form in his throat, at the sight of her.
"He hurt you pretty bad, huh?" He choked out, willing himself not to cry.
She was afraid-really afraid-to see Inuyasha. The idea stung him, bad.
Kagome sniffed, wiping her eyes free of wetness, and skipped over his question.
"So, I won't be going to see him. Or Miroku and Sango. I know what they would do. And I don't blame them for it, and I'm not upset with you for trying. I'm sorry I raised my voice. I just-"
Shippo went forward, and touched her cheeks as gently as his clawed hands could. He looked up into her big eyes, and she quieted.
"I'm sorry, Kagome. I'm so sorry. You don't have to keep going. I'm sorry."
He felt the tears escaping, and let her crush him with a hug.
"I promise, I won't tell Inuyasha." He hiccuped, his voice muffled by her kimono. "Or anybody. Can I please just stay with you?"
She sniffed a few more times, and stroked his head. "You're not going anywhere, Shippo."