Edward woke with a start for the third time in one night. With a gasping breath, he reached across the mattress until his fingertips met the warmth of Bella's flesh. It should have brought him comfort to know she remained with him, but it didn't. Heaving himself out of bed, he padded into the bathroom with a deep sigh. Turning on the cold tap and cupping his hands under the flow of water, Edward drank until the sandpaper feeling left his throat, then he splashed his face.

He couldn't catch his breath. He couldn't sleep. Nightmares plagued him, full of darkness so void of life he couldn't see his hand in front of his face. What followed was a flash of light, temporarily blinding him. When the world came back into focus, Bella was running away. Her legs pumped, her hair swung, and it left Edward screaming her name in an endless loop of terror.

Bella seemed less affected than he did over the incident in the restaurant, and he wondered how she accomplished such a level of tranquility. Sure, he'd grown up with violence; it certainly wasn't the first time anyone aimed a gun at him or threatened his life. Though he tried to shove it down, to pretend it wasn't true, he knew the answer. It was the first time anyone had threatened someone he loved.

Edward wanted to explain to Bella how much his heart swelled when she walked into the room. He wanted to tell her that her smile was enough to turn him on, bringing about a raging thirst that remained unquenched until he buried himself inside her. He would give up his empire to tell her how much Quinn was starting to emulate her, the way their son's smile brought out dimples which duplicated hers. If Edward could describe to her the way her laugh had the ability to either weaken him or brighten his entire day, then maybe . . .

But if he told her the way he felt, she'd have the potential to ruin him, and there would be no returning from that much heartache. Once the word was out there, he couldn't take it back. If he admitted his feelings, it would be like giving Bella the power to bring him to his knees without her even knowing she was doing it. As inevitable as the second hand ticking incrementally around the clock face, she would leave him, and he would be powerless to stop her. For now, Bella was satisfied with the way things were, and that was what counted.

Edward had discovered that he could make her happy in ways he previously didn't know he was capable of, in ways she'd taught him. The idiot he'd been months before no longer existed, all because of his wife and her gentle ways. God knew Edward didn't have a proper upbringing; he'd had no true role model growing up. Now that he had to stop and think of someone else's feelings before acting, he was slowly learning what it meant to be a partner in life.

Staring at his pale reflection in the dawn's light, he tried to convince himself that there was an alternative ending to their story. In his state of vulnerability, he was so tempted to spill his guts, to tell her everything. How he'd lived a half-life until she pushed their son into the world and he saw his redemption in their baby's eyes. Bella had given him a family against all odds, even when he didn't deserve it and couldn't have known how to ask. Bella had improved his existence in so many ways, but she was on the cusp of realizing what a shitshow their life was and running like the wind.

He'd hold the door open for her.

Only, when she ran from him in his dreams, he couldn't stand to see her go. He begged her to stop running; he pleaded with her to come back. Nothing worked until his heart stopped beating and he awoke in a cold sweat. It was a catch-22; on one hand, he knew she should leave for her own safety but, on the other hand, he couldn't live without her.

The worst part of the nightmare wasn't the running or the repeated calling of Bella's name. It was the incessant words echoing through his head while he chased her; the ones telling him that everything he longed for was right in front of him. Beating his fists against his temples, he tried to shake the queasiness from his brain. How could his hopes and dreams be in front of him and also bolt as fast as her legs would carry her in the opposite direction?

And if Bella left, Quinn went with her. No, he simply couldn't bear it. He knew it was coming, knew that her departure was the awful feeling in his gut that he'd stressed over for more than a full week now. It wasn't a premonition of the shooting, but of his wife taking everything he held dear and crushing it in front of his eyes.

When he finally returned to the bed, he scooted as close to Bella as he could.

And he clung to her for dear life.

The following morning, he took Emmett aside and asked to speak with him. "How did you convince yourself that marrying Rose is the right choice?"

Emmett frowned. "What kind of question is that? I love her."

Running his hand through his hair, Edward took a deep breath before blowing it back out. "But she could decide to leave you at any minute when shit gets tough."

"What are you getting at?" Touching his hand to Edward's arm, Emmett lowered his voice. "Are you and Bella having problems?"

"No." With a rough shake of his head, Edward tried again. "But if we encounter something like what went down with the Youngs and Diego again, what's keeping either woman from deciding this life isn't worth it?"

"Okay, I'll say this again. It's love, Edward. That's why we get married, why we stay married, and why we don't cheat. That's why we put in the effort, and it's what makes any life worthwhile."

Edward wanted to take Emmett's words at face value and wrap them around him for comfort. Unfortunately, his brain wouldn't allow him the luxury. Bella stuck around for Quinn's sake, and Edward tried to keep her satisfied. It wasn't like in the beginning when she had nothing to do with her time. She'd found herself with Rose's help, and she was content. Bella had built a life for herself out of the nothing he'd offered her and found a way to be fulfilled.

None of that equaled love.

"I hear you, Em, but I just don't know if it's enough. How do I know if what Bella and I have is enough to keep her from running for the hills the next time something goes wrong?"

Emmett shook his head. "Don't discount Bella, man. She's come a long way, and I've never seen a woman fit so seamlessly into an organization the way she has."

In an effort to be by his side, was what she'd said. "Is that the answer?"

"To eternal happiness? No, you have to work at it. Just because she's good in the office doesn't mean you can slack in personal areas."

"No, I wouldn't do that to either of us." Unsure if he'd found the answers he was looking for, he blew out another breath. "Thanks."

"No problem, Edward. And, for what it's worth, I think you've come a long way, too. A year ago, you wouldn't have considered coming to me for advice."

"Huh. That's true."

And yet, he didn't think he'd accomplished anything. There was still the nagging feeling that Bella would leave at any second, exacerbated by the foreboding dreams.

At Bella's suggestion, they were looking into making an alliance with the Denali Family. The Santiagos had finally answered their inquiry, asking for a meeting at Edward's discretion. Jasper made it clear he had an uneasy feeling about it, and nobody disagreed with him after what happened with Laurent Young. The debate they were having was where they could meet that would keep Riley Santiago from setting up an attack.

"Raoul, who is his consigliere and older brother, has agreed to our terms," Jasper said once they were all settled in Edward's office. "We can pick the location and time, and they'll meet us."

"We can't give them a head start." Edward scratched a hand over his scruffy jaw. "If they have even half a day, they'll be out there building sniper's nests."

"I would say you're being cynical, but we have proof that's exactly what they would do." Bella glanced at the printout in front of her, showing Riley and Raoul standing side by side. "Since that's what they're notorious for doing to their adversaries."

"Then it needs to be more secluded, and we need to get our men out there first so there's zero possibility of a setup," Emmett said.

"I agree," Edward said. "Find a spot, Jasper, and have Rat scope it out. We can bug it and rig up cameras if necessary to double check that no one has used it for their own kill zone."

"On it." Jasper got up and left the room.

Bella said, "So we wait to hear from the Denalis, and we pick a spot the Santiagos can't use to their advantage. What about the territories? It still hasn't been decided who gets what."

"We're all that's left; us, the Santiagos, and the Denalis. We'll have to come to an agreement to split it evenly. I'll ask when we meet with them."

"I think that was all we needed to worry about today, right?" Bella asked as she stood.

Edward watched her, his pulse kicking up as she sidled to the door. "That was it for now. Do you have plans?"

"Yeah, I've got classwork, and then Liam will be here in an hour."

"Okay. I'll see you at dinner?"

"Yes."

Bella left the room, and Edward felt the need to sit down and catch his breath. It was as if he'd run a marathon and couldn't pump enough air into his lungs. He couldn't say why he thought Bella would disappear in the middle of the day if she was out of his sight, but the fear was enough to strangle him.

"Are you okay?"

Emmett's question made him jump. "I forgot you were sitting there."

"Edward, what's going on?"

He couldn't deny the concern on his cousin's face. "I don't know." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair and getting up to pour a shot of whiskey. "I feel weird after the entire thing with Diego. Worried."

"It was scary, Edward. You don't want the same thing happening again. But Jasper punished Brett for not doing a better job at keeping his eyes peeled for Diego's movements, and Al from the restaurant was taken care of immediately."

Al was a new concierge, a little too eager to prove himself as a hotshot. Instead of raking in the dough with his loyalty, he sold out to the likes of Diego Molina and paid for it with his life.

"I know, but it's the tip of the iceberg. We all know it. There will always be another Diego, another Laurent, another Aro."

Emmett frowned. "Are you done with the life?"

Edward scoffed. "I couldn't be even if I wanted."

"I never thought I'd see the day that Edward Cullen was done with the power, the money, the influence—"

"Shut up, dick."

Emmett snickered. "Okay, I was kidding, but honestly? You sound like you don't want to do this anymore."

Edward paced to the door and back, letting the whiskey burn down his throat. "It isn't me I'm concerned about."

"Bella can hold her own. She's proven that, hands down."

"No, I know." Why couldn't he put it into words? "I can't explain it to myself, Em, so how can I explain it to you?"

"You're terrified she'll leave you."

Dead silence filled the office, and Edward closed his eyes. With a deep breath, he tried to find some semblance of the rational man he thought he was. "Yes."

"Why would she? You two are tighter than you've ever been, and you've got Quinn."

Hands shaking, Edward stalked to the liquor cabinet and tipped the amber contents of the decanter into his glass. "This isn't the life she would have chosen for herself. We're polar opposites. She's in constant jeopardy, and so is Quinn."

Rising, Emmett strode over to Edward and stood as close to him as he could. In a soft, deep voice, he warned, "You'd better not be thinking of leaving her for her own good."

"No." Edward swallowed thickly, avoiding his glare. "But she'll leave me one day, and I'll be powerless to stop her."

Emmett stared as Edward downed more whiskey. "You can't know that. And if you don't bring your concerns to her and work it out, you're borrowing trouble."

Logic warred with emotion. Emmett was right, but if Edward brought up the subject, who was to say Bella wouldn't get the idea to leave sooner?

"Edward, I'm serious. You need to tell her that all the events of the past few months have left you worried. If for no other reason than to hash out security plans."

Edward nodded but didn't speak.

"You're just going to wallow in it, aren't you?" Emmett shook his head. "I don't want to come back and say I told you so in a few weeks."

"I hear you, Emmett."

"There's a difference between hearing and listening."

When Emmett left the room, Edward stepped over to the floor-to-ceiling windows. The garden beyond was in full bloom, and he spotted the river in the distance. Why couldn't he drum up the courage to have an honest conversation with his wife? It left him feeling emotionally stunted. There was no rule book, no guide that said if you're a vicious mobster, this is what you do to protect your wife and child. Bella told him once that she chose that life too, but did she fully understand the repercussions of the extreme danger he put her in simply by being her husband?

With nothing but alcohol fueling his system, he left the confines of his office to track Bella down. She wasn't in her study, so he looked in the home gym a few doors down. When he opened the door, there was music playing and Bella was stretching. Her legs were spread and she was bent at the waist, her fingers brushing the mat. She'd changed into yoga pants and a t-shirt that exposed more of her body every time she leaned further down.

"You're alone?"

Gasping, she straightened and watched him in the mirror. "I didn't hear you come in."

Bella moved to the table set up in the corner, reaching out to turn off the music. Edward beat her to it, putting his hand over hers to stop her.

"Leave it on."

She looked up at him. "What are you doing in here?"

Her eyes were large in her face, bright with the bit of exertion she'd already put forth. Her hair was in a ponytail, and he discovered the shirt belonged to him.

"Looking for you."

Edward cupped her chin, tracing her bottom lip with his thumb. Pulling gently, he parted her lips enough to slip his thumb inside her mouth. Her pupils dilated and her chest heaved with the effort to catch her breath.

He watched her tongue curl around his finger and knew he was lost before he'd even started. He needed her like he needed his next breath, like he needed water to drink and food to eat. Bella was his lifeline in a crazy world.

"Where's Liam?"

"He's not able to make it after all."

"Good."

Edward moved around behind her, pushing her shoulders until she braced her hands on the table, then pulled her pants down until he could run his palms over her ass. She moaned, and he fumbled with his zipper in his hurry to claim her. When he was free, he wrapped his fist around her hair, pulling until her head tilted back, and slammed into her.

She grunted, letting out a gust of air and sucking in more. His need for her was feral, unexplainable, and nearly unquenchable. As he pumped his hips and felt his cock slide into her wetness, he realized why people became addicted to sex.

Her arched back, her hair in his hands, and her pussy swallowing his cock was all he needed for the rest of his life.

"God, Edward!"

"You're so fucking close, aren't you, baby?"

"So close."

The way her inner muscles clenched around him and her breath came out on a long moan proved that she was about to come. Letting go of her hair, he pulled her arms behind her back and locked them in place, pressing the fingers of his other hand against her clit until she screamed.

"Come for me, Bella. You feel so tight, I'm not gonna last."

Her only response was a whimper.

"You wanna come on my cock?"

Her head lolled, but she managed to nod.

Edward sped up his fingers, using two to massage her clit. Her moan turned into a keening sound, and he squeezed his eyes closed.

"I'm about to come, Bella. Can you feel how hard I am for you?"

"Yes, oh god!"

Bella's body locked down, her muscles stiffening as she came with a loud cry. In the aftermath, she went limp, and Edward only needed a few more pumps before experiencing the most satisfying orgasm.

He let go of her, his cock slipping out, and turned her around. Kissing the top of her head, he inhaled her scent. Already, he felt calmer.

"If I hadn't been alone?"

Edward chuckled. "I would have kicked Liam out on his ass."

I know Edward is frustrating right now, but the characters run the show and I just document their craziness.