"I am only ten pounds away from being g-tube free!" Esinon cheered, doing a little happy dance in front of the command pod.
"Way to go, General," Cody congratulated, it felt normal seeing her happy again.
"Now, for the festival of light, a select number of 212th troopers will come down to the surface with you and I-" the com table buzzed, Esinon squinted down at the frequency. "Huh, Anakin's calling me," she put the transmission through. Anakin's eyes were filled with rage,
"Esinon, I'm coming onto your cruiser," he said,
"Excuse me," Esinon said, with a shocked look on her face. "I'm trying to plan for the festival of light,"
"There's a change of plans, I'm coming onto the cruiser," he said, and before she could get another word in, the transmission cut out. Esinon let out an aggravated huff,
"Huh, what do you think he wants?"
"I don't know, but he's getting a piece of my mind," she growled, already marching towards the hanger. Cody shrugged, Esinon hadn't done anything fiery or snappy in weeks. This was going to be interesting. A few minutes later, Ahsoka and Anakin's fighters pulled into the hanger. Esinon tapped her foot annoyedly as the knight jumped out of his fighter. "Anakin, I'm trying to-"
"Obi-Wan's alive," Esinon instantly froze,
"What?" she whispered, barely managing to get that out,
"Obi-Wan is alive," Anakin repeated, Esinon glanced back at Ahsoka who nodded in affirmation. The Togruta walked over to Esinon, looking like she wanted to reach out, but also didn't want to suffocate Esinon.
"I- I don't understand," Esinon said shakily, "he can't be alive… I watched him die- I held him while he died."
"The council paid Hardeen to shoot Obi-Wan and he took a vital suppressant. He then disguised himself as Hardeen, and he's been undercover since." Anakin explained, not bothering to be gentle at all with Esinon. He was too angry.
"Esinon… are you…" Ahsoka paused, not knowing what to say next.
"Um… I need to- I need- I'm gonna go." she stammered before hurriedly walking off. She disappeared into a training room, sinking down against the wall. "Obi-Wan's alive," she murmured, "Obi-Wan's alive," She repeated, trying to make it feel real. It didn't. Every day she'd hope someone, anyone would wake her up from this hellish nightmare of life without her Master and tell her he was right there.
She thought, she thought hard, back to that night. The night that she had filed into the part of her mind that never saw the light of day. She remembered running through the streets, not thinking that it was strange he decided to take the high ground. She remembered thinking it was too easy when Hardeen shot Obi-Wan. She tried to remember what his body felt like in her arms. His back felt hard… too hard, like he had something on. A bullet-proof vest. She'd been foolish enough to believe it. She drew her knees up to her chest when a horrifying thought occurred to her.
That night on Coruscant, had she slit Hardeen's throat, she would have killed her Master. She clasped a shaky hand over her mouth, her eyes welling with tears. How could she have been so naive, so stupid? How could she not have sensed him? He was her kriffing Master and she didn't sense him? Wait... he never said anything to her, not when she pinned him to the street, not when they were alone in his cell on Coruscant. He didn't even try to tell her. Could he not sense her disgust for his killer? A few tears leaked from her eyes when she realized another thing, he had faked his death. Obi-Wan Kenobi faked his death.
She tore off her shirt, staring at the mirror on the other end of the training room. Her eyes drifted from her scar on her forehead to the criss-cross scars on her abdomen.
Umbara
She shakily stood up and turned around looking at the whiplash scars on her back.
Zygerria
Scars Obi-Wan should have been there for. In the ICU- it should have been him organizing her meds, explaining her surgeries, keeping her from ignoring injury on Umbara, Zygerria, he should have been there. He was her Master, shouldn't he have protected her?
She knew as she got older she'd have to take care of herself more and more, but she was sixteen. She was still a minor by Coruscanti law, and wouldn't be a legal adult until she was eighteen. Ahsoka was technically an adult and could do things like discharge herself from the medbay, and sign off on her own surgeries, and drink. Esinon could not. Didn't she deserve some protection from the horrors of war or her own terrible decision making? She slid back down against the wall upon hearing the blast door to the training room whoosh open,
"Esinon," Ahsoka said softly, "Can I sit with you?" Esinon peeked up at the Togruta who was still standing at a safe distance. Slowly, the Scipian nodded. Ahsoka slid down next her, "Do you wanna-"
"No," Esinon replied, anger replacing her sadness.
"Ok," she whispered, "We're already heading to Naboo. Not sure if you heard the alarm but Admiral Block and Yularen already put both cruisers in hyperspace."
"Ok," Esinon whispered, resting her chin on her hands. Ahsoka carefully shuffled closer, putting an arm around her. Esinon let out a shuddered breath, "I'm sorry,"
"You have no need to be,"
Six hours later the Resolute and the Negotiator pulled out of hyperspace. It had given Esinon lots and lots of time to think, and become very, very, angry. She hated the council for putting her through that, for Obi-Wan going along with it! They had used her. Did they choose to make her a General to test her? Her attachments? She'd almost died multiple times! By the time Master Windu commed them to explain the plan from the planet's surface of Naboo, Esinon was fuming and concentrating all of her control on keeping the electricity she possessed inside her body.
"As you can see, we've mapped out the Chancellor's routes to and from the festival routes. We know where he'll be at every moment from the time the rest of you land on Naboo." Master Windu informed them, Esinon's eyes shifted around the council members on the holo. They all knew? They'd let her suffer like that? Go to that darkness? She shook herself from her own thoughts, trying to pay attention to the briefing.
"What security measures are in place?" Master Plo asked, Master Windu pressed a button on the holo table and a map of Naboo appeared.
"The Naboo royal guard will have armed sentries at all entry points on the palace." Red dots littered the map around the palace, "And the stage itself will be sealed by a ray shield for the duration of the event."
'So why exactly did my Master have to die and go undercover for four months if we've got all this?' Esinon thought bitterly,
"I see nothing here to worry about," Anakin said,
"With complacency comes vulnerability," Master Yoda interjected, "Yes… it is what we do not see that worries me. A long time to plan his attack, Dooku has."
"Yes. We thought we'd have an advantage with Obi-Wan on the inside but we haven't had communications with him in almost a month," Master Windu said,
"Obi-Wan will do his part. Let's make sure we do ours," Esinon said fiercely, she shut off the holo before she could get eyes from the council. She didn't care anymore. She doubted they would either if they had suffered like she had. She let out a heavy sigh, today was supposed to be a happy day. All of these negative thoughts would put a damper on what this day represented and her friends. She purged them from her mind. She wouldn't worry about Obi-Wan right now. All she needed to do today was protect the Chancellor, and aside from that, enjoy the firework show. She had plenty of other people at her side over the last couple of months that supported her in his absence, so she would think about instead, and the smiles they never failed to bring to her face. She nodded to herself, steeling her resolve. 'Today will be a good day.'
Esinon walked off of the ship that contained the Chancellor, following after Anakin and Ahsoka, keeping a neutral expression. Ahsoka nudged Esinon at the sight of the Queen of Naboo and Senator Amidala,
"Not every day you get to see a Queen," she whispered, Esinon smirked,
"What do you mean? You get to see me all the time," she replied, Ahsoka rolled her eyes good-naturedly but was happy to see Esinon smiling. The two girls turned their attention back to the conversation happening in front of them,
"...Although I think the amount of security that has accompanied me is overkill." the Chancellor said,
'My Master faked his death for you, so you're not dying on me today your Excellency.' Esinon snapped in her mind,
"With all due respect Chancellor," Master Windu began, "where your safety is concerned there is no such things as 'overkill',"
"So you keep insisting, Master Jedi," the Chancellor sighed, "but I've grown tired of discussing it." He strutted off with his entourage following.
"Anakin, Ahsoka, Esinon," Padme greeted warmly, "Welcome to the Festival,"
"I've never seen the festival of light," Ahsoka said, examining the glittering streets of Theed. "Sounds like a big event,"
"They're expecting a large crowd," Anakin replied, "which means it will be difficult for Dooku to attack during the ceremony. That leaves the palace as the best place for an ambush."
"Are you that certain an attack is imminent?" Padme asked sadly,
"I'm afraid so," Anakin said, shaking his head. "Which is why I'm making Ahsoka your personal bodyguard. Esinon you're with me."
"At your service my lady," Ahsoka said,
"If there's any trouble, Ahsoka will get you and the Queen to safety, and the rest of your staff to safety."
"What about you?"
"Hopefully I'll be where I always am," Anakin replied, walking off ahead with Esinon following. "Esinon, if anything happens, don't push it."
"Anakin, I promise I'm fine. I actually haven't felt this amazing in weeks," she attempted to assure him.
"Please Speeds?"
"Fine,"
That night…
Esinon stood still next to Anakin watching the Chancellor and Naboo staff arrive in the staging area. The audience rose and clapped before returning to a seated position.
"Alright, staging area's set, raise the shield," Anakin instructed in his comlink. Instantly a generator sprung to life, casting a blue bubble all around the stage. The crowd murmured for a moment, probably not knowing anything of the threat to the Chancellor. Anakin motioned to the podium and the Chancellor made his way over to give his speech, Esinon rubbed at her abdomen again.
"It is an honor to be here," The Chancellor said, his voice echoing. "For this momentous occasion. The pride I feel for this planet cannot be put into words. Eight hundred and forty-seven years ago Naboo joined the Republic. And tonight we celebrate that union! Take a moment and look around this glorious city of yours. It wasn't long ago that it was all plasma mines. Naboo indeed has come a long way." Esinon could sense something coming, she started scanning the crowd. "But as we chart a bold course for the future, let us never forget our past!" She got distracted by the fireworks crackling in the sky, she scrunched her eyes shut and took a deep breath. No flashbacks today, she opened her eyes starting to scan the crowd again, tuning out the Chancellor's speech.
"Skywalker!" Master Windu suddenly shouted, "The shield generator!" Esinon's eyes jumped to the shield generator where a Parwan was reaching through. Before she could even react Anakin was sprinting forward, he didn't make it in time. The shield generator exploded, throwing Anakin and the Chancellor to the ground. Esinon waved to Ahsoka, signing to her to get the Queen and her staff to safety. The Togruta nodded and started to usher people out, the chaos and screaming was making Esinon's head hurt. She glanced over to where the Chancellor was being escorted into a speeder,
"Anakin's down!" Mace shouted, Esinon sprinted over, vaulting over the railing and rousing the unconscious knight.
"Are you alright?" she asked, he groaned,
"Those tentacles pack quite a punch," he murmured,
"Come on," she said, hefting him to his feet. Her comlink blinked to life,
"The Chancellor!" the voice of Rako Hardeen exclaimed, it made her skin crawl. "The guard escorting him is a bounty hunter!" Mace Windu jumped onto the speeder, followed by Anakin and Esinon who all leveled their lightsabers with Embo. He raised his arms in surrender, the Chancellor stood up and started towards Anakin.
"Chancellor, are you alright?" he asked, without skipping a beat, Palpatine socked Anakin in the jaw. Esinon reacted instantly, charging the fake and ramming her in the abdomen. She slammed her fists down over the bounty hunter's back, before leveling her saber with the hunter's head.
"Where's the Chancellor," she demanded, instantly they all whipped their head around at the second hum of a speeder. Cad Bane saluted them from the backseat, with the Chancellor in the passenger.
"So long Jedi!" he mocked before Eval drove them off. Esinon without pausing to think took off running.
"I'm going after Bane!" she shouted,
"Esinon no!" Anakin yelled as she took off a super speed, running along the canyons and tailing the speeder. After a while of running she finally caught up with them, her Master was already there. Her heart almost stopped beating but she forced herself to keep it together. He had already engaged Eval and Bane, she leapt down and socked Bane in the jaw. He attempted to pull a blaster on her but she called it into her hand, firing off several shots.
"Surrender now," she snarled, Bane ignited his rocket boosters and flew up into the sky before dive-bombing her. She fired off another round of shots with ARC precision hitting the booster to disable him but not blow him from the face of this galaxy. As much as she might like to. She leveled the blaster with his head. "It's over," her Master had taken care of Eval.
He looked up to her slowly, his face crossed with concern, "Esinon I-" she pressed her comlink to interrupt her Master. She wasn't in the mood to talk to him,
"This is General Esinon Windcaster, we have custody of Eval and Bane." she interrupted him, now was not the time.
"We're on our way," a guard member said, before Obi-Wan could attempt to talk to his padawan again, Anakin and Mace appeared.
"Speeds, are you alright?" he asked, Esinon nodded tiredly,
"I'm gonna go back to the Negotiator, sleep for a while. I'll be fine though," she said, Anakin nodded, understanding why she didn't want to stick around. Esinon took off again until she arrived at the transports that were heading back to the Negotiator. Boil noticed her arriving,
"Were you just running?" he demanded,
"I know, I know it looks bad, but it was important." Most of the troopers in the 212th had already been informed that their supposedly dead former-General was in fact very much alive and well.
"Come on, you look sick, sit down," Boil said, guiding her into a transport. She tiredly slumped into a seat,
"Thanks," she mumbled, Boil sighed, sitting down next to her. "'M gonna take a nap for a while, I don't-" she cut herself off,
"Want to be around when General Kenobi comes back around the cruiser?" he clarified, Esinon nodded letting out a low growl.
"Why can't I just get over it? Why can't I just be happy that Obi-Wan's back?"
"Because you're sixteen and still see the best in people. Trust me, you live a couple more years and you'll understand what I'm talking about," he replied as the final troopers entered the transport and it jolted into the air. "You have a right to be angry, so does every trooper in the 212th. Kriff, even in the 501st. General Kenobi missed a lot. A lot of important stuff that he's supposed to be there for as our General." Esinon drew her knees up to her chest,
"I was looking at my scars earlier and… I felt betrayed that he wasn't there for me. He's supposed to protect me, and I know he can't protect me from everything, but he should have at least been there." she murmured, she gave a weak chuckle, "Funny how the council shuns me for my attachments but then relies on them to seal the deal."
"Feel what you're gonna feel, it's better to get it out instead of bottling it up," Boil replied, shooting her a look. She gave a half-hearted chuckle,
"Alright, there's a punching bag with my name on it in the training room," she said,
"Nap, meds, and food first. And no going full ballistic," Boil said,
"Alright Dad," she joked, Boil rolled his eyes good-naturedly and the two sat in silence for the remainder of the ride.
Obi-Wan scanned the crowd for his padawan, there was so much he wanted to tell her after four months. How sorry he was, how much he had missed her. He wanted to ask her so many things too, about the clone on Coruscant, about the crutches, about why she had referred to herself as General Windcaster. His eyes finally landed on Fives who was talking to Rex, they would probably know where Esinon was. Before Obi-Wan could make it over to Fives, Rex had already concluded their conversation and disappeared.
"Fives," Obi-Wan called, the ARC glanced in his direction, instantly stiffening. Obi-Wan attributed it to the fact that he still looked and sounded like Rako Hardeen. "Fives, I was wondering if you have seen Esinon, I need to speak to her."
"I don't think she's available at the moment," he gritted out, obviously not wanting to talk to Obi-Wan.
"Please Fives, I need to talk to her."
"She went back to the Negotiator." Fives replied, glancing down at his gauntlet. "She's probably is passed out after taking all her meds."
"Her meds…" Obi-Wan repeated slowly,
"Yeah." The ARC shoved a datapad into his arms, leaning in close so that only Obi-Wan could hear him. "With respect, you're lucky she's still around at all." he backed up, motioning to the datapad. "General Windu wants you to review the reports on that." Obi-Wan stared at the spot where Fives had just been standing.
"Lucky…" Just what had happened while he was away…
"Can you not tell him please?" Esinon asked, following Drummer around the medbay. "I know how to do the g-tube and take all of my meds by myself. I don't need Obi-Wan's help."
"Look, if you really don't want me to tell General Kenobi, I won't, but I do have to tell him when your surgery to remove your g-tube comes around. He is still technically a legal guardian of yours." Esinon groaned,
"Can't Anakin just sign off like last time?"
"It's the closest available." Drummer replied, scanning down a few reports. Esinon sighed,
"Fine," she grumbled, "I'm going to go-"
"Hide?"
"Don't push it Drummer," she replied, still remembering her conversation with Boil about having a right to be angry.
"You do what you want to, we're all upset. But you'll have to face it sometime sooner or later." the medic replied,
"So you're telling me you want to face Obi-Wan after going through all of those safety circles?" she shot back, Drummer didn't answer.
Esinon had gone back to sleep after her conversation with Drummer, she was still exhausted for one and for two, she really did not want to face Obi-Wan. That of course did not work because Obi-Wan knew the combination to her quarters.
"Padawan mine, wake up," a familiar voice whispered, gently nudging her awake. Esinon murmured something as she slowly blinked her eyes open, and all she saw was the face of Hardeen. In a moment of bleary sleep and medicine filled mind, she tackled Hardeen and called a virbo-knife off of her desk and pressed it to his throat. He made a choking noise and it all came flooding back to Esinon. The knife clattered to the floor and Esinon backed away trembling. Obi-Wan started to reach for her but she held out a shaking hand,
"Stay away from me," she whispered, hugging an arm around her abdomen.
"Esinon, I'm sorry," Obi-Wan said, "I didn't mean to scare you,"
"I tried to kill you once while you wore that face, I almost just killed you again. Stay back," she said forcefully, Obi-Wan obeyed and backed up a few steps. Esinon sank down to the floor against the opposite wall, she pulled her knees to her chest and raked a hand through her hair, trying to quell her rising panic. She took a few deep breaths, she clenched a fistful of her hair trying to find some sort of grounding.
"Esinon, please let me help you," Obi-Wan said, his heart aching to see her hurting. Esinon shook her head,
"I told you to stay away from me," she snarled, "Don't come in here and expect me to be ok!" she shouted, tears finally fighting their way past her defenses.
"I- I don't," Obi-Wan confessed, "But it's me, your Master, Obi-Wan. I can go take the disguise off and then come back-"
"It's not about the face Obi-Wan!" she shouted, "It's about you leaving me, you should have been there! You should have kept me from becoming like this!"
"Like what Esinon?" Obi-Wan asked in a gentle tone, "I can't help you if you won't talk to me,"
"I don't want to talk to you!" she sobbed, "Y-you left me, a-and I almost died! And I failed s-so many times, you should have protected me!"
"Esinon, I am so sorry that you felt abandoned, I know how hard that must have been for you," Obi-Wan said, taking a knee in front of her,
"No you don't!" She shouted, "Why don't you get it! You weren't there! You weren't there for all of my scars!" Obi-Wan opened his mouth to say something... anything. "Just please, just leave me alone." Esinon whimpered,
"Esinon I-"
"GO! I told you to go! Leave! Just go!" she shouted, Obi-Wan finally conceded and left the room, leaving Esinon alone once again to cry.
One month later…
Forgiveness. Esinon thought she was a fairly forgiving person, not one to hold a grudge. But she could not find it in herself to forgive Obi-Wan, even he and Anakin had come to a sense of forgiveness. She was reminded of his betrayal every time she looked in the mirror. The scars that littered her body. But at least she had this mission to distract, a 212th and 501st joint mission. Her favorite, and Fives was even here too! Perfect mission standards in her opinion. Esinon ducked another blast as she was shoved further and further towards the edge of a cliff. A raging river below her, at the moment she was back to back with Fives.
"Just like old times huh?" she shouted over the flak explosions, Fives chuckled, blasting another droid's head off. She deflected a few more blasts, using the force to drive a droid right into her lightsaber. In battle oftentimes there were too many things to focus on at once, and sometimes you didn't realize something was coming until it was too late.
"ROCKET!" Someone screamed, Esinon instinctively dove off to the side, plastering her body to the ground where Fives was still in her eye line. He was in a similar position when the rocket hit, ground shaking, ears ringing, bright lights flashing in the darkness of the night. She heard another scream pierced the darkness, the ground rumbled again as the cliff's edge broke. And watched as Fives fell over the edge into the raging rivers below.
"FIVES!" she shrieked, scrambling from her position on the ground and peered over the edge where Fives had plunged into the water. His head quickly resurfaced. Without thinking, she jumped over the cliff's edge, quickly scaling the rock wall and running along the banks edge, scanning for the blue armor of her brother. She finally spotted his body bob above the water for a millisecond and she chased after. She finally caught up with him and used the force to drag him to the shore. In the panic of trying to check if he was ok, she didn't notice the water swelling around her feet and in the next rush of raging water both of the soldiers, dragging Esinon and Fives under. At the last second she latched onto Fives, desperately trying to keep them together. She struggled to keep both their heads above water as they were dragged downstream.
Angle towards the shore, angel towards the shore, angle towards the shore, angle towards the shore. But it was easier said than done, she grunted as she slammed into another rock, Fives's armor was weighing them down, but she couldn't do anything about it. She gasped as she dragged under the water and Fives was pulled away from her. She tried to swim back up but was quickly jerked back down, her ankle twinged with pain as she realized she was stuck. She panicked for a moment but then remembered that would only waste her air supply, she turned her head to see her ankle trapped between a log and a rock. She used a burst of the force to shove the log away, freeing herself. She bobbed back up above the water, gasping for air, not far off she spotted Fives had finally caught on a mud bank at the edge of the river.
She gave a sigh of relief but it was short-lived as she was dragged under again, water burning down her throat and sinuses. She finally shot herself up above the water, catching on a flat in the river. She panted for a moment, dragging herself up next to Fives, hacking up mouthfuls of water. It dripped from her mouth and nose down her face. She clenched her fists into sand and rocks as she took a moment to catch her breath, her body was on fire.
It finally occurred to her that she hadn't seen Fives moving, or making any noise. She scrambled to her knees, pulling off his helmet, part of it was cracked. Fives's face was covered in mud, water, and blood, she glanced down at his stomach. He wasn't breathing, she panicked. She'd never been taught how to deal with this!
'Use the force little runner!' Qui-Gon called through their bond. She instantly obeyed, holding her hand over Fives's face and using the force to draw the water out of his lungs. She watched as a ball of water formed underneath her hand, it swirling with… blood. Internal bleeding. That wasn't good. After a few more seconds, he shot into a sitting position, painfully hacking up mouthfuls of water and blood that looked like caf grounds, thus proving her theory of internal bleeding. He moaned, falling back to the ground,
"Fives? Fives can you hear me?" she asked, he nodded, panting. She collapsed back onto the ground in relief, listening to both of their harsh breaths slow.
"Where are we?" he finally murmured,
"I don't know," she glanced down at her vambrace, "But my comlink's gone," Fives mumbled something under his breath, Esinon scanned the bank's edge and spotted a cave. "Alright, here goes nothing," she mumbled, heaving herself to her feet and wincing at the pain in her ankle. Guess she limped now. She wedged her hands underneath Fives's armpits and hauled the barely conscious ARC into the cave. She finally collapsed next to him, gritting her teeth at the way her body ached. She couldn't imagine how Fives's felt, after a few seconds of catching her breath she hauled him the rest of the way in, setting him up against the wall. She tapped his cheek, rousing him. "Fives, I think you've got a head injury. You gotta stay awake." Fives nodded blearily as she wiped away mud from his face. She started peeling away armor, and undersuit. "Someone will notice we're gone, and come looking for us." she said, giving Fives something to focus on while she tried to quell her own rising anxiety. She pressed along Fives's rib cage, wincing in sympathy when she felt bones move and click.
"Ow," Fives whined,
"Yeah, I know," she whispered,
"Guess it was my turn," he murmured, resting his head against the cave wall,
"Your turn for what?" Esinon asked, as she pulled out surprisingly dry bandages from Fives's emergency medical ARC kit.
"Being injured," he replied, "It was you last time, so it's my turn."
"We're both injured Fives," she replied, still feeling the dull ache in her ankle and ribs.
"I mean more severely," he said, as she helped him sit forward as she smeared what little bacta they had over his ribs, and then wrapping the bandages around his abdomen.
"I think it's a miracle when both of us come back mostly unharmed," she joked, as Fives sat back again. She placed her hands in her lap, studying the cave for a moment. Trying not to shudder at the memories that ripped through her mind. Fives placed a hand on her shoulder, catching her eyes.
"You ok?" he asked, knowing what kind of memories being in a cave would trigger for her. Esinon paused for a moment before nodding,
"I'm gonna go look for a tree or something to get a fire started, ok?" Fives nodded, "No sleeping,"
"Yes sir,"
Fives studied Esinon for a moment watching her from across the cave as she began to check herself for injuries. She had her back to him as she pulled off her tunic, pressing her hand gently along her ribs. He scanned her back, watching shadows cast themselves along her scars. She was so young, it wasn't fair for her to have more scars than him.
"Have you talked to General Kenobi lately?" he asked, Esinon glanced over her shoulder at him as she continued her self assessment of injuries.
"No," she replied, trying to give the hint she didn't want to talk about it. She poked her g-tube once, it was a little aggravated but it didn't look terrible. Besides, she was getting it removed soon.
"Why not?"
"I think you know why Fives," she snapped, pulling her tunic back over her head. And moving to remove her boot, she gingerly tugged it off, wincing at the pain that followed in her ankle. It was severely swollen, and not a pretty color either, it was already bruising. She doubted it would fit in her boot in the morning.
"I know but I thought-"
"I don't want to talk to him," she said forcefully, thankful that her back was to him so he couldn't see the tears falling from her eyes. She bit the inside of her cheek, 'This is not how I wanted to spend my seventeenth life day.'
"You have to sometime. Even General Skywalker has come to some sort of peace with General Kenobi and yes I was angry too when General Kenobi came back but what I don't understand is why you won't even try? That's not the Taz I know."
"Because I can't Fives!" she finally shouted, "Because I can't, I just can't anymore. I've tried and tried to find some sort of something within me to forgive him, but every time I look in the mirror all I can see is the fact that he wasn't there." She finally went quiet for a moment, "His death broke me. Sent me to the kind of darkness where I could have murdered people and not felt any remorse. The kind of darkness that I didn't know if I was going to come back from."She went quiet for a moment before letting out a strained chuckle, "You know, I spent weeks preparing myself for my first life day without Obi-Wan, and even though he's alive, I guess I'm still gonna spend it without him anyway."
"Come here," Fives said quietly, Esinon crawled over to his open arms. She tucked her head against his chest, "What do you want to do when we get back to the Resolute for your life day?"
"Nothing, it's not a big deal,"
"Yes, it is, my little sister is turning seventeen. That is a big deal, so you wanna sneak into mess hall after hours like last year, or movie night?"
"How about both?"
"Now that's a plan," he replied, "Why are you reminded of his betrayal when you look in the mirror?" Fives asked quietly,
"My scars, all of the ones I got over the past four months, he wasn't there for. I just felt like he should have been there to protect me." she mumbled, Fives paused for a moment.
"Has General Kenobi seen any of them?" Fives asked,
"Not to my knowledge, no."
"Then why not show him? If you feel like he isn't understanding why you're so upset, then show him all the scars. All the medical reports, there are probably security cameras in the medical station you were in. Show him one of your spells, if he sees all of that first hand it might help you guys get to a place of forgiveness." Esinon sat up a little bit,
"That's… actually a really good idea," she said, Fives smirked,
"I'm your older brother, I'm supposed to have all the genius ideas." she chuckled, leaning back down as they snuggled together for warmth.
"Thank you Fives,"
"You're welcome Taz,"
The next day…
Esinon made her way into her quarters on crutches, her ankle was only sprained but she needed to stay off of it for a little while. She flicked on the lights, deciding to work on her profile to show Obi-Wan. She sat down at her desk, glancing over at her bed. There was a small, rectangular, wooden box on her bed, with a flimsi note on top. The box wasn't overly ornate, but it had small carved flowers. She picked up the note, getting curious,
Padawan mine, I know we often don't get gifts for one another on life days but I thought this year- after everything- you deserve something nice. I know that you have taken an interest in Vibro- knives, and daggers, I got this for you, and I know that you may never forgive me for the Hardeen incident and I know that now. I will no longer make excuses, and if you wish to become Master Fisto's padawan instead, I will understand. Although I cannot lie, I will miss you greatly. Happy life day Esinon. I love spending time with you, and your joy and light have made me a better person. Thank you, for everything.
Esinon set the note aside, her gut twisting. Obi-Wan was sorry, but still. She needed to show him why she was still so angry. She carefully opened the box, the dagger was not fancy. Jedi like clones couldn't afford many fancy things and materialistic possessions fell into the category of no attachments. She carefully picked it up, examining the blade. The leather hilt was soft to the touch and the silver blade glinted in the lights of her quarters. It really was a nice gift, she'd thank him before showing him everything. And with that, she returned the dagger to its box and then set back to work.
Later that day…
Obi-Wan glanced up from his work at the sound of the door to his office sliding open. He instantly lit up when Esinon stepped through, with Cody behind her holding a stack of flimsi. Obi-Wan had been fairly depressed after the whole Hardeen ordeal, he just wanted his padawan back. But he didn't know if he deserved her forgiveness. Cody set the stack of flimsi files down on Obi-Wan's desk, Esinon fished a holo recorder out of her pocket and placed that on top. She gave a nod of thanks to Cody as the Captain ducked back out.
"Esinon, I'm so glad to see you." he greeted,
"The dagger, it's really nice, thank you," she said with a genuine smile. She just wanted life to go back to normal, she was going to do this. She needed Obi-Wan to know.
"I'm glad you like it," they both paused, an awkward silence filling the room. Obi-Wan finally cleared his throat uncomfortably and glanced down at the files, "Are these reports you filled out?"
"Um… not exactly," she said, tracing the outline of her g-tube under her tunic. "I… I know that I haven't really been taking any steps towards making things better between us. That's on me. But the thing is, I went through a lot as a General while you were gone."
"Esinon, I was promised that you would go with missions with Master Fisto," Obi-Wan replied, "I didn't know that the Chancellor would promote you, putting you through that was never my intention."
"I know, but I have come to the realization that for me to be able to come to a point of forgiveness I need you to know everything that happened to me. Everything… I've been hiding from you." Esinon had locked files from Obi-Wan, not letting him see anything about mission reports from Umbara and Zygerria. She had gotten the idea in her head that if Obi-Wan wasn't there in person, he didn't deserve to know, now she knew that that was the only way she could reach forgiveness. "These are mission reports and medical reports from Umbara and Zygerria." Obi-Wan glanced from her to the file on his desk and tentatively opened the first one. He skimmed down the first one marked Umbara. Words of execution, betrayal, and Krell stuck out. He glanced up at Esinon for a moment, she motioned back to the files and he kept reading. He flipped a page to find a casualty count higher than he had ever seen before, he could see scrawly handwriting he recognized as his padawan's where she had written every name of every trooper who had died next to their CT numbers. He flipped to the next section of the file,
General Windcaster was injured in an explosion, multiple pieces of shrapnel were lodged in her side. General ignored injury for an estimated hour, sustained extent of damage, including, but not limited to six-inch laceration on the right side of her abdomen, a pierced kidney, four fractured ribs, and general bruising and battering. Obi-Wan glanced back up at Esinon, she didn't meet his eyes. He turned the page and grimaced at the photos that had to be taken of his padawan's injuries.
"When did this…"
"After Krell's execution. I was injured in an explosion and I thought I could handle it. Evidently not." she said, running a hand along her abdomen. "Keep reading," Obi-Wan opened the next file marked Zygerria and almost got sick at the photographs inside, whip lacerations covering every inch of her back, bruises and welts, and the skin was obviously infected. He flipped again looking at the different diagnoses, along with medications, including listed dates of her time in the ICU. "I was captured and enslaved, I got sepsis and when it seemed like I was getting better I relapsed. Kix was worried I would go chronic. Be stuck in a repulsor chair most days, more medications than I can count." She let out a harsh breath, "I had to get two surgeries," she pulled up the front of her tunic, "One for my g-tube and one for," she turned around, pulling up the back of her tunic to show the scars. "And one to get rid of the infected skin." She sat back down, "And on the holo recorder is security footage from my room, it's when I was having a fever spell. Sepsis causes delusions, some hallucinations. I just want you to see what that was like for me, and… Fives." Obi-Wan slowly opened the holo recording and played the video,
"I know, I know, almost done," Fives murmured, Esinon was sobbing as Fives rocked her back and forth in his lap. Kix was busying inserting a hypo into her arm,
"Let go Hevy!" she wailed,
"It's Fives Esinon, Kix is almost done, just hold on a little longer," Kix finally finished backing away from the crying padawan. Fives gave a nod of thanks to the medic as he disappeared.
"Where is Obi-Wan?" she whimpered, "Why won't he come see me?"
"Esinon, General Kenobi died, do you remember?" Esinon only started to cry louder at the news. Fives only held Esinon tighter, trying to be there for his sister.
Obi-Wan glanced up at Esinon who had her eyes closed, trying to fight off the foggy memories of her fever spells. He could feel tears welling in his eyes,
"That's why I was slow too-" she paused, as Obi-Wan rose from his chair and made his way over to her. "Forgive you and everything because-" before she could finish, Obi-Wan had dropped to a knee and wrapped her in a hug. Esinon was too stunned to move, she registered him burying his head in her shoulder and she could feel him shaking. It finally dawned on her, he was crying. Her Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi, was crying. She tentatively wrapped her arms around him, she bit the inside of her cheek but gave up quickly and let herself cry.
"I'm so sorry," Obi-Wan choked, he lifted his head allowing Esinon to tuck her head underneath his chin.
"It was so hard," she whimpered,
"I know," he murmured, she buried her face in his chest, inhaling deeply, catching the familiar scent of his robes. One she had been clinging to for the four months of his absence. At that point, Esinon was sobbing, clutching her Master tightly. Letting him feel four months of pain through their newly reformed bond.
"A-and I kept praying t-that you'd come back! And make it o-ok. And-d then I almost died and then I almost k-killed you!" she wailed, Obi-Wan didn't respond. At the moment, he didn't have anything he could offer her to make any of the pain go away. "I-it was so dark," So Obi-Wan did the last thing he could think of, he flooded their bond with every warm memory he could think of. Her sobs finally quieted, and grip on his robes softened. She let out jumpy breaths as her breathing slowed to normal,
"There we go," he soothed, "Shh," Esinon finally settled down, her breathing finally going back to normal. "I'm so sorry,"
"I know," she whispered, "I forgive you," Obi-Wan almost started crying again. He'd waited so long to hear those words from his padawan.
"Thank you," he whispered, she hugged him tighter.
"Force I've wanted a hug from you for so long… guess anger blinds." Obi-Wan hummed in agreement,
"When did you get so wise?" he asked,
"I've learned a lot while you were gone," she said,
"I look forward to hearing it all," they sat in silence, just holding one another. Relieved to finally be reunited at last.
Finally. Thirteen chapters later Obi-Wan and Esinon are finally reunited. Thank goodness, I was getting tired.
Thank you all for going on my crazy adventure with this arc and mini arc. Honestly I promise it wasn't this chaotic when I started out (Guilt and secrets started out as just one scene of Esinon taking Dogma to Cut's farm and then I was like what if I gave Dogma a friend and then that whole arc happened)
Shoutout to eagle eyes98 for helping me tweak this chapter to get it perfect!
Next up on let's make this canon corner: since we were just talking about Guilt and Secrets, you know that on long nights under the stars, both Esinon and Slick use Dogma as a pillow. Esinon hugging one of Dogma's arms, tucked against his chest. Slick has his back to Dogma, Dogma's the mediator between them.
Thank you for reading and make sure to leave a review!