AN: So just an insight into life at Westpoint before rock bottom and turning point!

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Ana sat at the dining table with the five other patients that she lived with at Westpoint for breakfast. As she had been asked to do by Lorna, she'd got to know Lacey her room mate the previous evening, they'd chatted a little about their backgrounds and Ana now knew Lacey was from Seattle, she had anorexia and had been at Westpoint for eight weeks. Her anorexia was caused by being relentlessly bullied at school with a couple of quite violent incidents. Lacey's mental health had deteriorated when she started college and her parents hadn't been there to monitor her weight and eating habits. Ana had also shared a little about herself, no details in particular just that she had been abused, keeping out the sexual side of it, and the fact that she had been kidnapped, she hadn't wanted to put those images into Lacey's head.

The previous evening Ana had also attended group, despite the fact it had made her incredibly anxious. She had introduced herself to the group and met the other patients Mark was seventeen, Alfie was the youngest at thirteen, then there was Maya who was fifteen, and Amelia who was seventeen. They'd all been very welcoming and friendly and after group, Ana felt relatively comfortable with them all, especially with how open and honest they'd all been at group despite the new arrival. She knew Mark had been in an accident that had killed his father, Alfie had been sexually abused by a neighbour, Maya who was the one with the feeding tube had bulimia and Amelia had a drug issue stemming from being bullied relentlessly. Ana hadn't shared any part of herself in group, she hadn't quite felt able to do that but Sandra had pulled her to one side after and said that just attending and introducing herself had been huge steps and the sharing would come in time, when she was ready and engaging in therapy.

"Timetables!" Alistair one of the councillors called as he came into the room and Ana watched as he passed around pieces of papers to each of the patients, herself included. She licked the butter off her finger while she scanned the document, it was a simple rundown of what her day was going to consist of. First, she would have Yoga with someone called Christie, and then she would have her therapy session with Lorna. After therapy, it was a free period and then lunch and then she had an outdoor session with Sandra before another free period then dinner and after dinner, it was vitals and meds with Nancy followed by group and bed. Ana couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed at the timetable in front of her, every hour catalogued.

"Let me see yours." Lacey said handing her own timetable over to Ana so she could see. "Oh yes! We're doing yoga together, this will be fun!" Lacey gleefully cried as she read Ana's timetable. "Christie is great you'll love her." She added making Ana smiled, though it quickly became clear Yoga was the only time she'd spend with Lacey before group in the evening. "We should go and get changed before yoga." Lacey said grabbing another slice of toast from the pile that was on the table. "Come on."

Ana chuckled and grabbed another piece of toast for herself before following Lacey out. Lacey was a really quirky girl and Ana already knew she liked her. She was clever too, she'd told Ana all about some of the tricks she'd discovered to help manage her weight and Ana was amazed at how sneaky the young woman could be at the age of nineteen. They had a shared interest in books and had found themselves being told to go to sleep at around midnight because they'd been chatting for so long about various novels that Ana and Lacey loved.

Ana pulled on the leggings Christian had packed for her, along with her hoody. She hadn't been seen without a hoody because the larger size bought her comfort and not that anyone knew but Christian had put a couple of his hoodies into the bag and they were the ones she was favouring, the only horrid part about it was that they'd removed the drawstring from the hood part but she didn't care, while she wore them, she could smell Christian and even fantasise that he was there holding her.

"Come on, we don't want to be late." Lacey said as she pulled her long dark hair into a bun. She was a beautiful girl with dark skin, dark hair and dark eyes, Ana struggled to believe that this gorgeous young woman was so unhappy she wanted to be thinner than she was, especially when she was so tall and thin anyway.

Ana followed Lacey down the stairs and they went into one of the side rooms Ana hadn't been to before. It turned out to be a small and empty space with nothing but a few yoga mats around.

"Hi Lacey." The woman Ana figured to be Christie grinned. "And you must be Ana. I'm Christie."

"Pleasure to meet you." Ana replied trying her best to smile and at least give the impression that she was looking forward to this.

"Ok so pick a mat, sit down, let's get started." Christie grinned.

For the next hour, Ana and Lacey worked through a deep stretching routine that pulled on every single muscle in the body including ones Ana didn't know she had. She was surprised that she not only enjoyed it but felt the benefits of the deep breathing and the peace it brought her throughout the session. When they finished with a five-minute, deep breathing exercise Ana felt calm and at peace in a way she hadn't done since she'd arrived at Westpoint, all her thoughts had gone silent, all her moods had melted away. She was truly disappointed when it was over.

"Where are you now?" Christie asked leaning over Ana who was yet to move off her mat.

"Therapy room with Lorna." Ana said still making no attempt to move despite the fact Lacey was already on her feet and stretching out.

"Don't be late, she won't be impressed." Christie winked. "Come on." She offered her hand to Ana to help her to her feet which Ana took gratefully. "So you enjoyed that?" Christie asked as Lacey left to go to her next session.

"Yeah, it felt really good actually." Ana smiled, there was only one other time she felt this relaxed and it was after a scene with Christian not that she'd voice that to Christie, the short blonde haired yoga instructor who looked to be in her mid to late forties would likely have a heart attack if Ana voiced those thoughts.

"This week they'll want you to try various therapies, arts, outdoors, exercise and so on but next week they'll want you to think about the things you felt bought you the most benefit, so I may not see you again this week." Christie said tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, that disappointed Ana, she could see herself starting her day off like this every day because she knew she'd be going into therapy now feeling very relaxed, that had to be a good thing right?

"Ok. I best go before I'm late." Ana said before hurrying away. Christie smiled, here at Westpoint they worked together for the best for the patients, the fact Ana had even attended the session and spoken to her were good signs because Christie knew this was day five for Ana and she'd been practically mute until yesterday.

Ana arrived the therapy room before Lorna and immediately made herself comfortable on the couch just as she would do in Mary's office, she crossed her legs and sat with a straight back, chewing nervously on the sleeve of her hoody. Lorna came in with a smile on her face and Ana found it infectious and smiled back, she couldn't help it, she was in a particularly good mood this morning for the first time since she'd arrived at Westpoint.

"So how was yoga?" Lorna asked in an over-enthusiastic voice that made Ana giggle.

"It was good I liked it." Ana smiled. "Christie seems nice."

"Christie is awesome." Lorna agreed making Ana chuckle again. "So A plus on the homework." Lorna grinned and Ana blushed and looked down, this was too much happiness maybe! "Seems like you and Lacey have hit it off and you came to group last night, I'm really proud of you Ana, they were huge strides you took yesterday and I'm so happy you've chosen to engage." Ana managed not to roll her eyes despite wanting to, things had been so positive so far today, she didn't want to bring it down by being negative. "Ok. So…" Lorna flipped over the page on her legal pad and took the lid off her pen. Ana took a deep breath, the happiness was going, she knew that, now it was time to confront her daemons. "We chatted a little yesterday about DBT and we set goals which is great, now I want to understand why these goals, why you want to stop feeling the way you do about Eric."

Ana took a deep breath and slowly exhaled with purpose. Lorna smiled, this was good, it was showing she was going to talk but she needed a moment. That was fine, they had time and they would take this at Ana's pace because it was for Ana's benefit.

"I spent my whole life needing to know who Madam was." Ana said softly. "I was never as bothered about knowing who Mister was." Lorna thankfully knew who Madam and Mister were from Mary's notes so she didn't need further explanation from Ana. "When I realised that Elena was Madam there was this… hatred… anger…I wanted to kill her with my bear hands." Ana's hands flexed wide where wrists rested against her knees, she stared at the edge of Lorna's chair as she spoken not wanting to look directly at her but not wanting to look at the floor either. "It was days later when I learned who Master was and… when I saw him again, saw his picture, I felt… like I wanted to see him… to talk to him and to ask him things like why? Why did he do those things to me? I don't feel angry towards him. I want to understand why and I want… to know if he did care about me because… I felt that he did, even now after being in a loving relationship… I feel like he cared for me and I… I care for him, I love him… I shouldn't love someone capable of doing what he did to me it's disgusting… I'm disgusting." Ana became gradually more distressed as she spoke, the muscles in her neck tightened and she struggled to get the words out, a frown marred her brow but she continued and persevered so that Lorna could understand. "He's asked to see me."

"I know." Lorna said in response to that final part, Ana was looking at her now, meeting her eyes.

"I want to see him too." Ana admitted. "Christian said absolutely not before I'd even processed what the prosecutor had said but… I do want to see him Lorna and I don't truly understand why I just know I do… and I'm scared I won't get the chance to."

"We'll work on that." Lorna said. "Figure out why you want to see him and if you still want to see him in a few weeks' time, with the time sensitive nature of the request, we'll see about getting you to visit him if we think you can handle it."

"Is that another goal?" Ana asked.

"No, because you may change your mind about wanting to see him as the therapy progresses." Lorna replied and Ana nodded. "A goal is something to aim for, I don't want you to aim for seeing him because you're free to change your mind about that at any time."

"Ok." Ana took a deep breath. "So Doc, what's the verdic?." She asked trying to lighten the mood, Lorna smiled, this was the quirky personality Mary had mentioned starting to make an appearance.

"You said it's the feeling of being disgusting that makes you want to harm yourself." Lorna said. "And you feel disgusting because you don't think you should have any positive feelings towards Eric. How do you think you should feel when you think of Eric?" Lorna questioned and Ana looked away again while she processed that question. How should she feel? Was there a right answer to that?

"I should hate him as much as if not more than Elena."

"Why?"

"Because Elena herself never raped me." Ana replied. "She would hit me, she would… use things on me… but she never touched me herself, not like that."

"Did she ever put things inside you?"

"Yes. The bigger the better." Ana spat trying to hold back her emotions that were intensifying with every second of thinking about Elena.

"Then she did rape you Ana." Lorna replied and Ana sighed, looked to the floor and nodded, she knew that but that wasn't the point she was trying to make. "You said Elena was violent, was she more violent than Eric?"

"He rarely hit me." Ana replied. "He whipped me a few times, the cane too but it was only when Elena instructed him too but she seemed to enjoy doing that more herself."

"So…" Lorna turned her page over having filled it with all the information Ana was sharing with her. "…what if you can't hate him? Hate is such a strong emotion to get to for someone you care about."

"I'd like to stop caring about him." Ana shrugged. "I don't want to think… poor Eric… every time I think of him rotting in a jail cell when it's absolutely, the least he deserves for what he did to me."

"So, you agree he should go to prison." Lorna stated and Ana sighed, this was complicated and she didn't feel she was explaining it well.

"I agree he should be in prison… but… I don't want him to be there."

Lorna nodded, this was the classic abused wife scenario 'I know he hit me but I love him' it was easy to know the difference between right and wrong but much harder to feel the right way about the right thing, especially when they'd been coerced and manipulated into thinking in another way.

"So would you be satisfied with just accepting he's in prison. Either way?"

"I guess." Ana shrugged. "I just don't want to feel like he shouldn't be there when I know he should."

"Do you think that if you can accept he's there, and should be there, it would stop you harming yourself?" Lorna questioned because despite it not being Ana's ultimate goal, it was one of the ultimate goal of the DBT to be able to change these negative behaviours.

"It would be one less thing that would cause those feelings." Ana admitted with a sad sigh that caused her shoulders to droop forward. "I was hurting myself long before I knew who Eric Lincoln was."

"I know and we'll confront those feelings too Ana, I promise, one thing at a time though ok." Lorna smiled again and Ana nodded, she knew she had a long road ahead of her and she worried about how she was going to get there, it had just been one thing after another and she didn't know how much more she could take.

"What is it?" Lorna asked seeing that Ana's mind had wondered and as Ana turned to look at her, she realised Ana was withdrawing again and that wasn't good.

"I just…" Ana looked at the floor and took a deep breath. "Every time that I make progress something comes along and spoils it." Ana sighed. "I just… I'm scared Lorna."

"I understand that and I can't tell you there won't be any set-backs especially as we progress here the legalities are still going on out there something may happen and I can't control that." Lorna explained and Ana nodded and blinked back the tears that threatened to spill. "But you're here Ana, safe and taken care of with someone to talk to every hour of the day, if there are set backs we'll work with you and deal with them. I know it's hard Ana, but please, trust me, trust here."

"Ok." Ana took a deep breath. "Ok."

"Good." Lorna smiled. "So what do you think could prevent you from reaching your goal of getting out of here?" Lorna asked making Ana chuckle, she wasn't sure if Lorna had been serious when she had said that was a good goal.

"I guess… hurting myself again." Ana replied and Lorna scribbled it down while nodding, encouraging Ana to continue. "Not engaging." She added blushing.

"Anything else?" Lorna asked and Ana took a deep breath and thought a moment.

"Something else happening in the case against Eric and Elena." Ana replied and Lorna nodded and scribbled that down too.

"And how do you feel when you think about not going home?" Lorna asked.

"Scared." Ana replied. "Angry and I guess… it makes me want to hurt myself again…"

"So it's a bit of a vicious cycle, you know hurting yourself will set you back, but if something did set you back, you want to hurt yourself."

"Pretty much." Ana sighed sadly.

"Ok, so this week, I want you to fill out this diary card for me, every day." Lorna pulled the card from the underneath of her notebook and handed it to Ana.

"I'm not even allowed a pen." Ana pointed out and Lorna couldn't help but smile at Ana's tone, she was playing the petulant child.

"You'll come and find someone before bed so you can fill it out." Lorna explained and Ana nodded. "This card has been made for you, as you see along the top there, those are feelings, every day you need to mark out of five if you have felt those emotions, so zero is not felt them and five is very strong feelings. So we have suicide, self-harm, pain, sadness, shame, anger and fear, then there's whether or not you've acted on these emotions, so food is whether or not you've used food as a coping mechanism or not and there's a little bit of room there for details, also there's self-harm, so even if you pinch yourself, you need to note it down. Then there's a room for you to put down that you've taken your meds. On top of that, there's this section then about any of the self-injurious behaviour, so we've already mentioned food and hurting yourself but this also can include things like shutting down and failing to engage, running and then there's a section to put down whether you lied about it to anyone and then whether or not you felt any joy in the day and whether or not you used any skills to cope with your own behaviour, these skills will develop week on week as will everything so if for now, you're not sure with this bit, you can leave it, or note if you do something to cope such as have a lie-down, play the violin, speak to someone, whatever, mark it down."

Ana looked at the card like it had three heads, there was so little room on it to write but so much information it was asking for too.

"Then down here, urge to run, urge to disengage, urge to harm we will discuss and fill these out at the start of your session next week." Lorna explained still pointing things out to Ana but she felt so incredibly overwhelmed she couldn't answer it. "This is just for us to see development Ana, for you and me. It's not homework to be graded, there's no right or wrong answer, it's just you being honest about how you feel so we can see if the therapy is working week on week."

"So therapy will be once a week." Ana asked to clarify.

"DBT will be once a week with me in a direct context, but you'll have talking time every day either with me or Sandra which will be sitting down in here to chat about whatever you want and you will have other therapies like mindfulness, outdoors, music, arts and so on." Lorna explained and Ana was quite surprised to hear that she wouldn't have any direct therapy every day. "Once a week you and I will go over your med chart compared to your behaviour and emotions chart, do all the vital checks and decide if your meds need any adjustment."

"This scares me." Ana whispered and Lorna put her notebook down a second so she could give Ana all her attention as this was probably one of the more honest moments Ana had had since she'd arrived at Westpoint.

"Why?" Lorna asked.

"I get the feeling I'm going to be here a while." Ana replied. "I was only in hospital sixteen days last time."

"Mary said she'd have liked to have kept you a little longer."

"By a week or so." Ana replied. "I don't see me walking out that door in three weeks' time." Ana replied questioningly, her eyebrow raised towards the shrink.

"I don't think you should be focusing on a timeframe Ana, it takes time." Lorna was worried with where this conversation was heading, she didn't want to talk about the crossover from court-ordered residential care to persuading Ana to see the therapy through to the end, not when they hadn't had the chance to make any progress.

"It's thanksgiving in three weeks." Ana sighed. "My dad was supposed to be coming to spend it with us."

"I'm sorry Ana." Lorna said sadly. "But maybe we'll be at the point where we could ask your dad to visit."

"I don't want him to see me here." Ana replied. "It was bad enough last time when I went to Montesano."

Lorna wanted to dig, she was surprised at how open Ana was being right now but she knew if she dug too much Ana would push back and it would become unhelpful and possibly cause problems rather than solve them.

"What do you think about leaving it there for now?" Lorna suggested and Ana nodded quickly. "Your free period now is for you to play your violin. Alistair should be in the music room waiting for you."

"Thanks Lorna." Ana said already jumping from her seat.

Lorna watched her go before she sat back in her own chair. Mary had been right, Ana was already proving to be the most challenging case of her career. She knew that this whole thing with Eric Lincoln was the tip of the iceberg and having read all of Mary's notes through dozens of times she also knew that the three years she spent with the Lincoln's were only a part of the problem, that everything that happened to her after also played a huge part in why Ana was this way, why she behaved this way, why she felt the way she felt. It was a minefield and she knew Ana would need to stay the course if she was going to recover and manage her mental health suitably, but whether Ana would agree when she was no longer deemed a threat to herself or others was another matter.

Lorna headed through to her office to type up her report following Ana's session hoping that she really had made a breakthrough with the traumatised young woman. If nothing else, the girl deserved a break from this, her life had been one traumatic incident after another with no respite in between, it was no wonder that this was the point her life had reached.

Ana spent the next hour playing the violin, dancing around the room with Alistair simply there to keep an eye on her, so that she didn't try to harm herself with the instrument. He loved watching her play, she didn't stand and just drag the bow along the strings, instead, she swayed, danced around the room, her eyes closed and rarely was there a note that didn't sound quite right.

Today was unusual though, the past couple of days she'd been playing some horrendously painful songs that made him want to sit and cry in the corner, today however, she played something not happier but calmer at least and the frown that had been marring her brow didn't seem anywhere near as deep. This was how she stayed for the entire hour, non-stop, her fingers dancing along the neck while her bow slid in effortlessly across the strings. In the end, he had to get her attention to tell her that lunch was ready.

The disappointment on her face when she put the violin back into its black case actually made him feel sad for her. She clearly cherished being able to play and it was clearly something very positive in her life.

"You'll get to play again tomorrow." He said as she handed the black box over.

"It's not the same." Ana shrugged looking at the twenty odd-year-old man with black hair and matching goatee that Ana found mildly attractive.

"Not the same as what?"

"Being able to just pick it up when I need to." Ana explained her eyes turning back to the case. "When Christian bought it for me… it was what I went to when I felt sad or hurt… it was always there, whenever I felt I needed it and I could just pick it up and escape…" Tears prickled at her eyes.

"Well, if you're ever feeling like that, you might want to come and find someone, I'm sure we can get it out for you." Alistair said knowing that Ana wouldn't be denied the use of the violin as an outlet as it was a far more positive outlet than harming herself would be.

"On the condition I talk about why I want to play it in the first place?" Ana asked, her eyebrow cocking up as she questioned the councillor. Alistair chuckled, Ana clearly didn't miss a trick. "Kind of defeats the object then." She said playfully which made him laugh. "Thanks for the offer though, I'll keep it in mind."

"Go to lunch Ana." He said nudging her playfully and she hurried off knowing that after lunch she would be going outdoors with Sandra and she was looking forward to speaking with the secondary again, maybe there would be less pressure than with Lorna because she wasn't doing a specific style of therapy. Though truth was she knew everything was a specific style of therapy, everything had a purpose especially the sessions with the shrink and it was all interconnected back to the DBT.

In the dining room, Ana saw Alfie was the only one there and he was sat sniffling at the table.

"Hey Alfie." Ana said sliding onto the chair beside him. "What's up?"

"Nothing." He said turning his back to Ana but it clearly wasn't nothing.

"Hey, whatever it is… it's probably not as bad as whatever we're going to have lunch." She said playfully in his ear which thankfully made him laugh, to be fair the food at the house was amazing and Ana had no complaints despite being used to Mrs Jones' meals. "Come on, you can tell me I won't say word." She teased nudging him with her shoulder.

"We're not supposed to talk with each other about therapy stuff outside of group." Alfie sniffed again. "We're supposed to find someone."

"I'm someone." Ana shrugged. "You don't have to talk to me, but you need to talk to someone." Ana bit her lip and giggled as she realised she was sounding like the shrinks already. "I'm pretty sure Lorna said that to me at least three times since I've been here." She said making the thirteen-year-old laugh again. "Come on Alfie, cheer up it's not the end of the world." She said ruffling his hair.

"They're not letting me go home for Thanksgiving because I cut myself with a rock." He explained pulling up his jacket to show Ana the gauze that now covered the injury.

"You did a good job there." Ana judged by the size of the gauze.

"Not as good as you." He signalled her neck with his head as he rolled back the sleeve of his jacket and Ana's hand automatically went to her neck, between that and the still healing scratches on her face she knew she looked like she'd been in a fight with a cat right now.

"Well just so you know, I'm not going home for thanksgiving either." Ana said just as the others came in to join them.

"How come?" Alfie asked sadly, he really had been hoping for a home visit for the holidays.

"Because I'm on a court order." Ana replied grimly. "I know you have to stay because of your parents, well I have to stay because the court says so."

"That's shit." He said which made Ana chuckle, he was so small and he looked so innocent with his tanned skin and glimmering blue eyes and so to hear those words coming out of his mouth had really made her laugh.

As everyone else sat down and lunch was bought through Ana comfortably joined in the conversation and even deflected attention from Alfie who was feeling particularly vulnerable with the tear tracks on his cheeks. The food was good and the conversation flowed about what each person had been doing that morning. It was hard sometimes when they had to be careful not to talk directly about therapy, because everything was therapy but it was nice too to just chat with people relatively close to her own age.

"Ana a word?" Lorna called from the door just as Ana was getting up with her plate to take it through to the kitchen.

"What is it?" Ana asked, her heart hammering in her chest because no one ever wanted to speak with her unless something had gone wrong.

"Alfie seemed to really open to you." Lorna said as she walked with Ana into the kitchen. Ana said nothing for a moment, processing what had been said while she opened the dishwasher to put her plate away.

"He was crying." Ana said as she closed the dishwasher up. She stood up and leaned against the counter. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No. Nothing wrong." Lorna reassured. "But we do try to keep conversations like that to group therapy or encourage our peers to go and speak with a therapist or a councillor."

"Were you eavesdropping?" Ana asked feeling incredibly violated.

"No, you were overheard by a nearby councillor." Lorna replied but Ana shook her head, she couldn't believe that they'd listened in and then reported her to the shrink.

"He was crying." Ana repeated. "He's just a child."

"I appreciate that it might have been difficult for you, but he was crying because his actions had consequences." Lorna explained. "Look I'm not Alfie's primary and even if I was I can't discuss anything with you, but you need to focus on you and your therapy and getting you better, we'll worry about the others ok."

"Fine." Ana snapped before walking away, she sensed her emotions getting the better of her and she didn't want to fight with Lorna, not when she'd had such a good day so far.

As she was supposed to Ana grabbed her coat and hat from her room so she could go to her next session. She was glad Christian had packed boots and sneakers for her, at least that way she was able to change to appropriate footwear too. Sandra was waiting by the backdoor for her and they walked outside into the crisp cold air in silence.

"So how are you settling in?" Sandra asked as they walked the same path Ana had walked with Lorna when she'd first arrived.

"Ok, I guess." Ana shrugged, shoving her hands into her pockets, she really wasn't in the mood to talk.

"It gets easier, living with other people and having limits put on what you can and can't talk about. It's all about helping you in the long term."

"Ok." Ana shrugged, she didn't see the point disagreeing, in Ana's eyes Alfie had been a vulnerable child crying and she wasn't able to just ignore that fact and she wouldn't ignore it next time either.

"Do you understand it Ana, why we want you to come to us when there's a problem?" Sandra asked as they continued to talk, Ana didn't want to talk right now though, she wanted to enjoy the outdoors, being away from the claustrophobia of the house. "It's about teaching you to recognise your own emotions and when to seek support. In life, it's easy for people to miss those signs that we're not ok, but if we can see them for ourselves and have the confidence to seek support we can deal with things before they escalate." Sandra explained, Ana continued to say nothing, she could understand the logic, but Alfie had clearly not been ok, he'd been crying and she wouldn't have done anything differently.

Sandra didn't make Ana talk anymore, they walked around the land, stopping at the horses in the field though Sandra had been intrigued by the way Ana backed off away from them, and then they walked back to the house. It took the entire hour to stroll the path and Ana felt at least, a little refreshed when she returned.

Ana decided to take a nap for her free period and she only woke when Christie came to get her for dinner as she'd not shown up at the dining room with everyone else, she wondered how people coped with the free periods, she had decided she hated it when she couldn't play with her violin. Maybe Alistair was right, maybe she could have spoken to someone just to get access to it, but she didn't want it to be a bargaining tool. After all her violin was something so sacred to her, something she'd shared at one of the high points of her childhood and she'd had it ripped away once, she couldn't imagine having that happen again, where her violin could be taken from her in punishment. It would be enough to break her right now, she was too vulnerable.

Ana didn't join in as much with the conversation over dinner, she wasn't in the mood, still brooding after her conversation with Lorna and by the time she'd had her meds and her vitals from Nancy she truly didn't want to go to group. As everyone else gathered on beanbags in a circle on the floor, Ana hung back by the door, unsure if she wanted to go in or not.

Lorna and Stephen another one of the therapists led the session. While Lorna looked at her and gave her a small nod, she didn't push for Ana to enter the room, being in the doorway was ok as long as she tried to participate. If anything, Lorna knew something was on Ana's mind and the fact she was at least in the door suggested progress to Lorna because at least she was there.

"Ana… come sit with me." Lacey called grabbing the empty beanbag that was for Ana and pulling it right into her own. Not wanting to offend Lacey, Ana pasted a smile on her face and went to sit with her roommate.

"Ok so I thought today, following on from yesterday we'd talk about triggers…"