Where Are We Now

Chapter 28

Molly

Its pitch black again and she can feel her heart starting to race, her breathing turning into small shallow pants and she could feel herself starting to panic and unable to breath. She was back in that cave with the rustling and that feeling of things being there but you couldn't see them.

"Molly, your safe everything is OK" came the dulcet tones of Fingers

"I've never been so scared in all my life" she replied "I was never bothered about the dark before"

"Hold my hand, it's going to be OK" he replied

"I don't wanna be like this" she almost whimpered "Will I always be scared now, how will I go on tour again if I'm scared of the bloody dark"

"Don't let it go on too long Moll" he paused and stroked her cheek "Get help, talk to someone"

"I'm talking to you" she whispered into the darkness and was rewarded with his chuckle "Will it pass?"

"Yes, maybe it is because you need to make decisions on what to do next that you are having these dreams. They will stop once you decide"

"When I'm with him I want to be, but when I was on tour I doubted him, wondered what he was up to if he was with her again"

"You know he's not. But you do need to tell him talk to him, he knows he's got to earn your trust again"

"S'pose"

"Molly?"

Yeah?

"When you go to the christening kiss little Frankie for me, will ya?"

"Course I will Fingers and give him a big hug to go with it" she smiled at him in the darkness and her eyes welled with tears

.

She sat bolt upright in bed and waited while her rapid breathing eased

"What's the matter Molly" whispered Charles sleepily and stirring at her sudden movements

"Dunno funny dream" she said absentmindedly "Can I open the curtains a little, let the moonlight in a bit"

"I'll do it" and he hopped out of bed to open the curtains enough to let some light in. He could see Molly's shadow sat upright with her hands clasped to her chest and he knew it was more than just a funny dream. He got back into bed and pulled her into his side, he could feel her heartbeat as she pressed herself into him, her arm around his torso and her leg over his. It sent a thrill through him straight to his groin but this wasn't the time "What's the matter Molly, tell me?"

"I was really scared this time Charlie" he wrapped his arms around her tighter and pulled her closer. She had crawled across a minefield, gone up on a winch with a sniper in the area and walked up to a child strapped into a suicide vest and never once had she said she was scared before. "I know I had me mates there and that" she started "and none of us were hurt or nothing"

She desperately didn't want to cry but one tear trickled from her eye and onto his shoulder. He started stroking her hair away from her face and kissed her forehead waiting for her to talk to him.

"It was the darkness and being trapped in there with no way out, not knowing how long we would be there for or if anyone even knew where to look for us" she paused "It felt like an eternity before help came" he kissed her again in reassurance

"I had a lot of time to think…..about us…did you miss me…..what were you doing" Charles rolled over onto his side facing her, still holding her and one of her legs trapped between his, hoping that she felt safe now and wishing he had been with her.

"Of course, I missed you" he started "I had almost daily sessions with Ted because I wanted to go out there and find you"

"I think I had you on a bit of a pedestal Charlie" she whispered closing her eyes "I believed you when you said you loved me, I believed you when we got married and I believed you said our different backgrounds didn't matter"

"They don't"

"I trusted you more than anyone else Charlie"

"I know" and his voice broke as he said it and they were looking at each other intently and both close to tears

"I don't think anyone could have hurt me more than you did" as he looked into her sad face her chin quivering, desperately trying not to cry in front of him "How do I know you won't do it again, that you want to be with me ….. I'm scared Charlie"

He rolled onto his back pulling her with him and he couldn't hold it any longer, he cried. Cried for his lost friend Elvis, cried for the mess his life had become, cried for lost comrades and most of all he cried because his beautiful, brave Molly was scared and his mistaken belief that he was doing the right thing and looking after Georgie had made him betray the love of his life.

They clung to each other crying into the night both thinking what they had lost knowing that they did still love each other and hoping that this might be the first step to building a new stronger relationship.

"I know it's going to be hard for you trust me again, I want you to and I want you to feel secure that you are everything to me. If it helps you can check my phone, emails whatever it takes for you to believe that it's you I want to be with and always will be. If Ted has to be a lifelong friend to make sure that I never slip back into that dark place then that's what he will be. "

She leant on her elbow to raise herself up to look down into his face "You happy that I check your emails and that." She asked incredulously "I always thought that was me Mum and Dads type of relationship, her checking up on him all the time. Never thought we would end up like that" she snorted a laugh that was not intended to be funny

"Well can't say it makes me feel good about myself" he raised his eyebrows "but if it helps you believe me and trust me again, then yes check them"

"Blimey" she said as she put her head back on his chest and put her arm across him

"I want us to stay together Molly. Tell me what you feel, if we talk we can get through this. I know we can" he didn't want to ask and held his breath "Do you want us to stay together" he shut his eyes waiting on her reply

"We was happy once weren't we Charlie? She said "Yeah I want you to stay in my life"

"Not the most romantic reply but it's a start" he smiled at her "I can work with that"

"I ain't moving in though, not yet" she raised herself up to look at him smiling at her "I wanna be wooed first" one of her megawatt smiles on her face. Charles laughed, really laughed

"Wooed? Have you been watching your bloody chick flicks again?"

"Might've" she said laughing back "Nan always says it don't she, that or courting."

"Right Mrs James, prepare to be romanced. That I can absolutely do for you" he laughed before swinging them round so she was underneath him and he captured her lips in a searing kiss.