Xenophilius' Rampage
In the middle of nowhere, an army of alien space pyramids known as the Illuminaughty burned the cornfields of Xenophilius Lovegood. He didn't want to deal with this shit anymore and drew both his wands. As a level 91 Hyper Sorcerer, Xenophilius had trained his personality to split at will, which allowed him to fire two different spells simultaneously. He charged out to his burning fields and used magic to turn the flames into mighty columns of fire. He downed a couple of pyramids and the Illuminaughty retaliated by sending in ground troops. The horrible little bastards were neon pink, about ten inches long and they shot white acid out of their bulbous heads. Xenophilius dodged their attacks and used "Ruinus Orgasmo" to destroy them. One of the jerkoffs shot acid in his mouth. Xenophilius went into a psychedelic frenzy and accidentally killed his drinking buddies, Corona and Sarsy. Then he blew up his own house and left for Hogwarts to check up on his daughter. The Illuminaughty went away to pillage and rape the rest of Britain.
So sad.