Chapter 37.
Brains really needed to stop asking so many questions.
Despite not being a huge fan of body modification, he made a mental note to task MAX with finding a reputable tattoo artist later. Maybe inking 'Stop Asking Questions' onto his arm would help him remember.
As it was, the scientist could only sigh as he watched a crabby Scott zoom along the upstairs hallway.
"Come on! Up! Up! Get up, the lot of you!" Scott yelled, barging through doors and shaking shoulders in a frantic attempt to rouse his brothers, "Up! Now!"
Brains winced in sympathy as Scott steamrolled from one room to the next, ripping duvets off bodies and yanking pillows out from underneath heads. He'd never understood Scott's frantic need for speed.
Apparently, neither had his brothers.
"G'way, Scott!" Gordon mumbled, burying his head underneath the one pillow he hadn't been robbed off, "The sun's not even up yet!"
"Doesn't matter, get up!" Scott snapped, whizzing into John's room and grabbing the redhead by his ankles, "Lady Penelope called and asked us to meet her and Kayo in Banff at 8 o'clock sharp. The flight will take several hours, so we need to leave now!"
"Correction; you need to leave now," John snapped, kicking at Scott's hands as he was roughly dragged off his mattress, "That's you, not me. I'm staying put, thank you very much. I am one hundred percent done with all things date related. I'm heading back up to Thunderbird Five after breakfast and I'm not coming back until I reach retirement age."
"W-What do you intend to do with yourself when that d-day comes?" Brains asked, ducking out of the way as a disgruntled looking Virgil staggered past on his way to the bathroom.
"I'll become a monk," John replied, grabbing the headboard of his bed in an effort to anchor himself in place, "Please, don't feel obligated to come and visit."
Scott gave one final tug on John's ankles before giving up, grudgingly acknowledging that the redhead was a lot stronger than he looked. Irritated at the collective lack of progress, Scott bulldozed his way into Alan's room.
He definitely wasn't stronger than he looked.
-x-
Lady Penelope smiled as Thunderbird Two blasted over the horizon, it's majestic silhouette casting a dark shadow across Banff's mountainous landscape.
"They're here!" Penelope announced, motioning to Kayo who was sat on a nearby bale of hay.
"I'll call the newspapers," Kayo drawled, shielding her eyes as Thunderbird Two came in to land.
"Welcome!" Lady Penelope smiled as five Tracys descended from the cockpit, "My apologies for interrupting your beauty sleep, but the next activity I've selected is best enjoyed in the morning."
Four tired groans were the only audible responses. John appeared to still be in his pyjamas; a grey NASA shirt hanging loosely over a pair of black joggers. Virgil and Alan's eyes were barely open, while Gordon may or may not have been sleepwalking.
Scott on the other hand, looked as bright as a button.
As did Brains.
"Brains?" Lady Penelope's eyebrows knitted together in confusion, "I wasn't expecting you as well."
Brains cleared his throat awkwardly, "S-Scott mentioned that you asked him to meet you here, so I t-tagged along to have a look at Lake Louise. If p-possible, I'd like to gather some samples of the glacial flour that turns the water it's iconic shade of t-turquoise."
Lady Penelope smiled at Brain's enthusiasm for all things scientific, "Well, since you're here you're most welcome to tag along."
In the background, Virgil stretched lazily, "Care to fill us in on what kind of date activity is best enjoyed in the morning? Aside from breakfast, of course."
"Breakfast!" Gordon whined tragically as he trailed behind his zombified brothers, "We didn't even have a chance to grab breakfast!"
"I've got some energy bars and bananas in the boot of FAB 1," Lady Penelope offered, "Emergency rations for when Parker and myself are stuck in traffic. In answer to your question, Virgil, we need to head out early before the insects come out in full force. The mosquitos in this region are particularly nasty between midday and dusk."
Scott frowned, "Still in the dark here, Lady P. Why is it so important that we avoid the local mosquito population?"
"Because our hosts are not on good terms with them," Lady Penelope replied, smiling when Kayo hopped off her haybale and activated her comm.
"Kyle? You can bring them up now. Tell Frank to bring one extra for our friend Brains as well," Kayo instructed, snickering inwardly at the baffled expressions on the faces of her male colleagues.
Five minutes later, the sound of an ATV's engine began to filter through the air. As it drew closer, the sound of hooves could be heard mingling with the intermittent purr of the engine.
"Holy hell on a Thunderbird…" Gordon gaped as a man (presumably Kyle) crested a nearby hill, four saddled and bridled horses trotting happily behind the ATV he was driving.
John frowned as his turquoise eyes took in the scene before him, "Call me caffeine deprived, but that looks like four too few. Are we flipping a coin to see who walks?"
Almost on cue, a second ATV summited the hill Kyle had just tackled, the young man at the wheel dragging another four horses behind him.
"You're mounts, miss," Kyle announced, hopping to the ground and smiling widely, "Franks bringing up the rear with the others. Now, you know where you're going? I'd be happy to saddle up and show you a few good trails around Lake Louise that avoid the tourist tracks."
"Thank you, Kyle, but I already have a route in mind," Lady Penelope replied, fastening a riding helmet onto her head, "In fact, you can thank my good friend Scott while you're here. It was his date with Kayo that gave me the inspiration to pay your establishment a visit."
Kyle's smile broadened, "In that case, thank you kindly, Mr Scott. We can always use the extra business during off-peak season, plus it's a chore exercising all the horses without the seasonal help around. I have to ask though, have you and your colleagues ridden before?"
"Oh yes," Penelope replied, ignoring the terrified expression on Brain's face, "All the boys are quite capable on horseback. Have you any particularly spirited ones in this herd? Some of us are more comfortable with chaos than others."
Kyle shrugged as Frank walked over with his quartet, "Not really. They've not been getting the exercise they're used to during tourist season, so might be a little flighty. Nothing I wouldn't put my kids on though."
"Wonderful," Penelope nodded briskly before turning to the rest of the group, "As your hostess, it's my duty to offer you all first refusal on which mounts you'd like. I urge you to be quick however; those mosquitos won't stay away forever."
"Give us a shout if you need anything," Kyle yelled, throwing the group a quick wave before jogging back to his ATV, "C'mon Frank, we need to bale the southwest field before tomorrow's rain arrives."
While Penelope and the Tracys were preoccupied with waving goodbye, Kayo was left grappling with eight sets of reins, "Guys! Some help would be much appreciated over here!"
Virgil and Gordon both snickered and moved to assist, grabbing the bridles of two horses each.
"I want that one!" Alan quacked, pointing at a massive buckskin mare that practically towered over the rest of the herd.
Scott blanched at his youngest brother's request. The horse in question was at least seventeen hands and built like a brick shithouse. Even Scott had to crane his neck to look the beast in the eye, and that was saying something.
"Uh, Alan? Perhaps you'd be better off with something a bit smaller?" Lady Penelope suggested, gesturing towards a pretty skewbald gelding who was trying to snatch at the grass.
Alan shook his head, aware that Kayo was watching, "Nope. I want that one. Finders keepers."
Penelope opened her mouth to politely object, however was beaten by John.
"Don't say we didn't try to stop you," the redhead warned, "In the interest of abiding by your finders keepers philosophy, I'd like to request that one."
Both Kayo and Lady Penelope nodded in approval at John's choice; an athletic looking chestnut mare with an undeniable aura of elegance about her.
"Gingers unite," Virgil joked as he handed the reins to John.
"I'll take this one," Gordon announced, gesturing to the peaceful looking bay gelding that was happily grazing by his feet, "Maybe if I ask nicely he'll share his breakfast with me."
"And I'll take that one if nobody minds?" Virgil added, motioning with his head at the palomino mare whose reins were clasped in Gordon's other hand, "She looks like she'll be able to carry my bulky butt."
Scott frowned as he surveyed the four remaining equines; a sleek looking black mare, an appaloosa stallion that was impatiently pawing at the ground, the pretty skewbald gelding that was still trying (and failing) to snatch at the grass and a dark grey mare that was sniffing inquisitively at Kayo's pocket.
No competition.
"I'll take the black mare," Scott announced, striding forward to claim his charge, "She looks fast."
Lady Penelope gently took the reins of the grey mare before turning to face Brains, "I reckon you'd get along well with this little lady. She seems quite calm, don't you think?"
Brains didn't answer. The chattering of his teeth made talking impossible.
"Relax," Kayo soothed as she offered the skewbald gelding to Penelope before taking the appaloosa for herself, "We'll keep an eye on you. Just think of it like riding a bike."
Brains visibly gulped, "Y-Yes Kayo, except bikes don't weigh thirteen hundred pounds!"
"Look on the bright side," Kayo countered as she put her foot in the stirrup, "If Alan can do it, then you definitely can."
Brains dragged his eyes away from the grey quadruped Penelope was holding to glance at the youngest Tracy.
The sight that met his brown eyes was far from reassuring.
After trying and failing to mount his horse via the conventional method, Alan had resorted to desperate measures. A running start, a hop skip and a jump, and the good old fashioned grab and scramble technique had all been attempted.
Unfortunately, there could be no denying it. Alan was simply too short to get into the saddle on his own.
Fortunately, he had four resourceful brothers to help him circumvent the problem.
Unfortunately, he hadn't envisioned said problem requiring the help of all four of his brothers. One or perhaps two at the most, but definitely not all four.
Brains, Kayo and Lady Penelope watched with interest as the Tracy clan approached the challenge of getting Alan into the saddle with their usual efficiency. Virgil was tasked with holding the buckskin mare still, while John was in charge of giving Alan a leg-up. Scott had begrudgingly taken responsibility for providing Alan with any necessary butt propulsion he may require, while Gordon had volunteered to point and laugh accordingly.
"On the count of three…" Scott ordered, bracing his hands against Alan's backside in preparation for the big launch, "One…"
Virgil tightened his grip on the reins as Alan's mare stamped in impatience.
"Two…"
Gordon's eyes widened in anticipation, his finger primed and ready for pointing.
"Three!"
What followed probably looked like a well-rehearsed and precisely coordinated series of actions to the average eye, however to Brains, it all happened in slow motion.
Virgil's awkward leap as the mare sprang forward in shock. John's grimace of pain as Alan accidentally kicked him in the face mid-ascent. Scott's look of horror when Alan missed the saddle and nearly ended up sat on his face. Gordon's shrieks of laughter as he pointed for all he was worth.
"Like I said," Kayo continued, wincing when Alan lost all of his upward momentum and ended up clinging to the side of the saddle like an orangutan, "If Alan can do it, then so can you."
Brains swallowed thickly as Lady Penelope held the grey mare steady, "W-What about protective equipment? I didn't bring anything to k-keep me safe if I fall off!"
"Don't worry about that," Kayo flicked her wrist dismissively, "None of the boys are wearing hard hats either. All things considered, they're ten times more likely to get dumped than you."
Lady Penelope frowned as she helped Brains into the saddle, "I have a spare helmet in FAB 1. I'm quite happy to lend it to one of you?"
Kayo shook her head as she adjusted her stirrup length, "No thanks, I like to feel the wind in my hair."
"M-Maybe you should go and get it for me?" Brains suggested, yelping loudly when his mare took a step forwards, "I have a horrible f-feeling I might need it!"
There was a soft thudding of hooves as Scott rode over, "No time, we've dallied enough already. Brains, stick with me and John. We'll box you in so that you don't have to worry about steering or speed."
"T-Thanks, S-Scott," Brains spluttered, his stammer worsening, "J-Just m-make sure to g-grab me if things start to go w-wrong."
"F.A.B," Scott affirmed, before glancing towards their hostess in her immaculate white jodhpurs, "Lady P, lead the way."
"With pleasure," Lady Penelope purred, glancing to make sure seven bodies were mounted on seven horses before urging her own into a brisk walk, "Hopefully you're all sufficiently awake now?"
"Don't be so sure," Kayo scoffed, drawing her appaloosa level with Penelope's skewbald, "Check out our resident aquanaut."
Lady Penelope glanced over towards Gordon, only to see him draped over the neck of his bay and snoring softly.
"Fancy a trot?" Lady Penelope asked, her eyes glittering with mischief, "That might shake him awake."
A smile the size of Scotland engulfed Kayo's face.
"F.A.B."