"Do I look like the kind of man that gives a damn?" Joker laughed at her and then fired point-blank. The modified pistol fired backward, instead of forward, shooting Joker in the heart.
Mary screamed as she heard the shot. Joker quickly collapsed to the floor and started bleeding out. Mary stared at the body for a moment and then regained her senses. She tore open Joker's shirt and found the bullet wound. "It just barely missed your heart. Why the fuck would you do that?" she asked him.
"Because, the only way to beat him...is to become him," Joker said to her cryptically.
Mary looked around and realized all her patients were acting strangely. Their wounds quickly regenerated, their eyes became bloodshot, and they began to leave the clinic of their own accord. Mary then realized Joker's blood was turning into a red mist around them. She, herself, started to feel weird and couldn't help but smile.
"Some kind of toxin in your blood?" Mary wondered.
Joker passed out not answering her question. "Shit," Mary realized. Even though he was the Joker, he needed him to be alive to tell her what the fuck was going on. She placed Joker on a bed, placed a ventilator over his mouth, and got out some surgical tools chuckling the entire time she did.
At dawn, Sophie was driving minding her own business listening to the radio when it happened. "We'll be back after this short break. Are you covered? Like, really covered? At Gotham Priority, we live here, too. So, we offer all sorts of policies for our fellow Gothamites. Even...,"
Suddenly a body crashed onto the hood of Sophie's car and cracked the windshield. Sophie immediately put on the brakes. "Holy shit, fuck!" she said freaked out.
Sophie fumbled for her cell phone and called up Jacob Kane. "I need backup."
The Crows arrived shortly thereafter to investigate the scene. "The victim is Bruce Wayne. Well, that's just weird," Jacob mused looking over the body. This Bruce Wayne was significantly older, an old man.
"Cause of death was the fall," Sophie said defensively.
"No shit," Jacob agreed. "The thing is he seems to have fallen from a height that's not possible given the height of the surrounding buildings."
"So, he fell out of the sky...like an airplane?" Sophie asked incredulously.
"The Bruce Wayne at the morgue disintegrated like his cells were unstable or some shit. I'm willing to bet the same is true of this body," Jacob said.
"Maybe, they're from some other dimension, another world," Sophie theorized.
"Batwoman told me the same bullshit," Jacob revealed.
"Wait, Batwoman already told you this and you just assumed she was lying?" Sophie asked offended.
"Forgive me if I am not prepared to believe some story about infinite universes from a woman wearing a bat costume that has been terrorizing this city for the last several months," Jacob rebuked.
"But now it's confirmed. I mean, there can't be two Bruce Waynes," Sophie said obviously.
"I'll come to my own conclusions after the autopsy," Jacob said.
"What if they appear in the same spot in their world. What if this Wayne was high up?" Sophie suggested.
"Yeah, maybe. What do we know about this Wayne?" Jacob asked.
"I found his ID. He was Gotham City mayor. He also had a speech in his pocket. Something about a Federal energy contract," Sophie said handing it over to him.
"So, he's making this speech on a blimp or something and then suddenly pops into our universe crashing onto your car?" Jacob questioned. "Sounds like bullshit to me."
"If we eliminate all other possibilities, the one leftover, no matter how improbable, must be the truth," Sophie insisted.
Jacob then eyed a puncture wound on the man's chest. "Too thin to be a bullet or a knife," he said.
"A needle?" Sophie figured.
"Someone took a sample from his heart it looks like," Jacob said. "I want this all under wraps."
"What do we tell Kara Wayne?" Sophie asked.
"We don't tell her shit until we got this figured out," Jacob ordered and walked off.
A Crow agent came up to Sophie with a smirk on his face. "Hey, the guys are starting a pool, three buckets it is," he said.
"Okay, I'll bite," Sophie allowed trying to be social for the first time in her career.
"Bucket One: This Grim Knight takes down Batwoman. Bucket Two: The Laughing One takes her down. Bucket Three...," he said.
"I just had Bruce Wayne's body total my car, I got this insane case on my hands, but by all means, tell me what bucket three is. Put me down for bucket three!" Sophie raged at him.
"God damn," the Crow agent said backing off.
Sophie stormed off and got into her rental car taking off.
Mary locked the doors of her clinic as she worked on the Joker's heart. She had already sliced the skin and muscle away, sawed the sternum out, and was now looking down at his heart still pumping albeit barely. "When I was training to be a nurse...he-he...I traveled around the globe...he-he. You know, it struck me how so many different cultures...he-he...see the heart as the place in the body where happiness resides," Mary said to the unconscious Joker.
"What do you think of that, Mr. J?" Mary asked rhetorically. "There's a science to it," she insisted. "Happiness, joy, they require more blood from the heart than other emotions."
Joker then went into cardiac arrest. "Well...shit," Mary muttered.
Kate kicked the door in and found Mary with the Joker. She calmly went over to her and looked at the body. "It's not what it looks like," Mary said defensively.
"You're going to need help," Kate said putting medical gloves on.
"Excuse me, I'm a nursing student. You don't know anything about medicine," Mary said obnoxiously.
"I know...everything," Kate replied coming back. "Start suctioning the blood."
Mary gave Kate an odd look as she was being totally schooled by her. "There's no way," she said.
"Just do it. You're slipping," Kate said as she went to work on the heart.
Mary started laughing hysterically and then fell to the floor. Kate ignored her and continued her work using both hands quickly. Out of Mary's view, small cables from her fingertips extracted the bullet pieces. Then, using micro-lasers at the end of the cables, Kate was able to stop the bleeding. She then went to work putting Joker's chest back together.
"I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me," Mary said as she continued to laugh.
Kate went over to her and injected her with a sedative to knock her out.
Brainiac 5 strolled into Wayne Tower and met with Kara sitting at her desk. "I have found the real Joker. He was being treated by Mary Kane," he said.
"Why?" Kara wondered.
"I don't know as of yet what the connection is. Joker is in stable but critical condition in the cave. He's not conscious to answer any questions. Mary, on the other hand, has been exposed to the Joker toxin. I have put her in an induced coma," Brainiac 5 said.
"How did she get exposed?" Kara asked.
"Joker's heart had a toxin that was released into the air once he shot himself. All of Mary's patients are presumably infected with it," he said.
"I'm sure you can manage this," Kara said dismissively.
"I can. I just assumed you would want to know," Brainiac 5 said simply. He then created a hologram of Gotham's underground pathways. "In 1780, Gotham suffered a severe plague that wiped out a third of the population. The Gotham founders set up a system they called 'the last laugh' on the original meaning of the expression," he said.
"Okay," Kara said not sure where he was going with this.
"It was a protective system should anything terrible spread inside. It was a means of blowing the entryways and vaccinating the city with airships, reservoirs of food and water hidden deep below the streets. I have created my own similar system that will seal off the city, purifying the air and restoring Gotham's health independently," Brainiac 5 said.
"Bravo," Kara said giving him a mock clap.
"Thank you. The central hub is in Wayne Tower on the top security floor. DNA access is required," Brainiac 5 said.
"I think you just made my tower a huge fucking target," Kara said annoyed. "So, let me guess, the only ones that have access to it is myself."
"And Bruce Wayne," Brainiac 5 added.
"Well...shit," Kara realized.
On the bottom floor of Wayne Tower, a blind man served as the elevator man for the restricted floors of Wayne Tower. Kara kept him as a holdover from Bruce Wayne's administration specifically for the purposes of making blind jokes every day. The man took it in stride happy to have a job and being useful. He then noticed someone coming closer.
"Hello, who's there? The guards should have told you no one is allowed here except...," he said.
"I already said hello to the other guards, Bill. Good to see you," a sinister voice replied.
"And good to hear you, Mr. Wayne," the blind man said overjoyed. He had been told that Bruce Wayne had recently died and was devastated by the news. In his euphoria, he didn't question Bruce's weird voice. "Going up?" he asked.
Batman Who Laughs joined him in the elevator. "Ha, always, Bill, always." He placed his long fingernailed finger on the DNA scanner. "So, how have you been? How are the grandkids? How's your health?" he asked conversationally.
"The new pacemaker is working well. I can't thank you enough, Mr. Wayne, not just for the surgery but for all this," Bill said gratefully.
"Oh, come on, Bill, you were a public servant injured in an attack by Scarecrow. It was the least I could do," Batman Who Laughs said as he took out two knives.
"No, it's not. I'm just saying...you're one of the good guys," Bill said as they reached the top floor.
"Thanks, Bill, that means a lot," Batman Who Laughs said as he exited the elevator.
Wayne security personnel gave Batman Who Laughs a WTF look. Immediately, Batman Who Laughs threw out Batarangs and started slicing up the men with his blades. Three small Batarangs went into a man's face, another had their arm sliced off, a woman was punched to the floor unconscious, and another received a brutal kick to the chin knocking him out. When he was finished, there were bodies and blood all over the floor.
"And in three, two, one," Batman Who Laughs smiled wickedly as he knelt over his victims.
The windows shattered as Batwoman landed in the room. "You're looking quite feminine," Batman Who Laughs mocked her.
Beth quickly took out two pistols and fired them center mass at the Batman Who Laughs. Her occasional misses bounced off the computer towers in the room. Batman Who Laughs was hit multiple times and fell to the floor. Beth quickly dropped her spent magazines and reloaded. Batman Who Laughs scrambled to take cover behind a computer tower before she could fire a second time.
"You don't fuck around, do you?" Batman Who Laughs chuckled.
"Not when I'm in the suit," Beth replied.
"I like that. You got spunk," Batman Who Laughs complimented.
Beth slowly made her way around the lockers with both pistols out. As she turned a corner, Batman Who Laughs kicked the pistol out of her right hand. Beth fired her left pistol hitting him several times. Batman Who Laughs slammed into her forcing her up against a wall and then disarmed her of the second pistol. Beth kneed him hard to the gut forcing him back. Batman Who Laughs laughed at her as he put his hands up. Beth went to grab him when she was thrown to the floor with a judo move. Batman Who Laughs sliced downward with his blade toward her face.
Let's put a smile on that face of yours," Batman Who Laughs said menacingly.
Beth blocked him with her own wristguard. The two struggled against each other until Beth sliced into Batman Who Laugh's neck spraying blood all over the floor. The Batman Who Laughs fell to the floor still bleeding out.
"You have no idea how therapeutic this is. Your plan is over, asshole," Beth said to him.
"Come on, maybe all of this, every part, is my plan. Even lying here out of the line of fire," Batman Who Laughs chuckled as he spat out blood.
"Shit," Beth realized as she looked back out the window she had crashed through. A bullet from a sniper hit her to the chest penetrating the suit. Beth went down to the floor in a heap.
"Don't try to get up. The bullet lodged in your intercostal space has a bat-taser in it," Batman Who Laughs said as his neck wound quickly healed.
Batman Who Laughs stood back up and looked out the window. "The Grim Knight, even his bullets shoot bullets. The deadliest man alive, he's us if Joe Chill had dropped his gun in the alley and we picked it up. It's not just guns, though. No, on his world, he has Wayne Enterprises weaponized: Chips in your GPS, valves in your water filtration. If your minivan drives off a cliff, you don't even know who killed you," he explained.
"Sounds like the two of you are in love. Maybe, you two should go fuck yourselves," Beth mocked.
Batman Who Laughs laughed hysterically at her. "He's us at Total War. I've been saving him."
"You won't win. I'll kill you both," Beth promised.
"Tall order, girly. You already know I'm dismantling 'last laugh' by means of a special protocol. One I had on my own world, a fail-safe to take down any records kept here if Batman finally ended," Batman Who Laughs told her as he worked the wires on a computer tower.
"No, don't do that," Beth rolled her eyes.
Batman Who Laughs took a squat next to her. "A way of demolishing the building safely. A controlled implosion, of course. It's designed to work only when no one is inside the building. There are dozens of protocols all of which the Grim Knight dismantled days ago."
"Cool story, bro," Beth said not taking him seriously.
"It hurts, I know. Your mother had it easy when they shot her in the head. So quick, so painless," Batman Who Laughs said as he put his hand on her wound. "That's right. I know all about you, Beth Kane. We could all be one happy Bat-family, you, your sister, and your father."
"My father and I aren't really on speaking terms," Beth said dryly.
Batman Who Laughs laughed at that. "Tell me where your Bruce Wayne is. I want to meet him. I do."
"No fucking clue," Beth said honestly.
"You see, that's a shame. I brought all of these happy versions of himself to show how truly miserable and unaccomplished he is. You see, to me your Bruce is the nightmare. You're just part of a really bad joke," Batman Who Laughs danced around her.
"Tell me, were you born fucked up or did you have to work on it?" Beth asked.
"It's actually a funny story. I was born around this time, within weeks of now. In those weeks, I felt the change within me, the ending coming, and the collapse of my sanity. You know the feeling, right? The way you were molded into Alice through brainwashing and torture. It took years for you but mere weeks for me," Batman Who Laughs said to her.
"Congratulations," Beth mocked.
"Be seeing you, Beth," he said and then leaped out the broken window.
Beth struggled to get to her feet. "This sucks," she said as she expected Wayne Tower to implode on her, and then nothing happened.
Kara and Brainiac 5 barged into the room. "Take care of her," Kara directed him.
"The building is going to explode," Beth warned. "Got to get everyone out."
"The protocols have been shut down," Brainiac 5 said pointing to his head.
Kara eyed the Grim Knight from his sniper position. A Kryptonite bullet went straight for her. Kara moved out of the way but as the bullet hit the wall behind her it released a green gas. "Mother fucker," Kara spat as she fired heat vision beams back at him. The beam hit the building across the street causing a massive explosion and fire from the top floor of the building.
Kara then started coughing from the green gas. Brainiac 5 activated the ventilator system sucking the Kryptonite gas out of the room giving Kara relief. "Take her to the cave," Kara ordered as she walked out of the room.
Jacob came home exhausted from work and found the apartment completely clean and dinner ready. He then eyed Kate knitting on the couch. "Have you seen Mary?" he asked her.
"No," Kate lied.
Jacob frowned at that. "Gotham isn't safe to go out at night, I mean, more so now than usual."
"I do recall her saying she had a nursing seminar in Metropolis," Kate lied.
"That does make me feel better," Jacob said and then sat in his easy-chair. Kate continued to knit in his presence. "When did you pick that up?"
"Just now," she replied.
Jacob gave her an odd look and noticed the tattoos on her hands were gone. "When did you get rid of those tattoos?" he asked her.
"I got myself a special cream. It's a temporary solution until I burn them off," Kate said.
"Sounds painful," Jacob winced.
"Most positive change is" Kate said.
Jacob nodded at that. "Don't tell anyone about this, but we found another dead Bruce Wayne. I don't know what to think of all this."
"A clone?" Kate suggested.
"Maybe even more insidious. I can't believe I'm saying this but I think we have proof that other universes exist...and that scares the hell out of me," Jacob mused.
In the Bat-Cave, Beth was topless as Brainiac 5 removed the bullet and then quickly healed her wound using a healing ray. With the wound completely healed, Beth quickly put on a shirt. "Do I sense modesty from you?" Brainiac 5 asked her. "I can take on a female form if it makes you more comfortable."
"I've had bullets and shrapnel taken out of me from many male doctors," Beth said dismissively.
"What's Joker's status?" Kara asked ignoring Beth.
"Oh, fuck me, right?" Beth said dismayed.
"He's still unconscious," Brainiac 5 reported.
"Wake his ass up," Kara ordered.
"That isn't medically advisable," Brainiac 5 objected.
"I don't give a shit. I want to know what he's planning," Kara pressed.
"Very well," Brainiac 5 said giving Joker a steroid to wake him up.
"Alright, asshole, what's his plan?" Kara demanded.
"I don't know. Only one person does," Joker said softly.
Author's Notes: In the comic, Batman is clearly losing against the two evil Batman while losing his sanity and his precious Wayne Tower. Here, Kara and Brainiac 5 haven't been really challenged by a Bat villain until now and now cracks are starting to appear in their armor. Additionally, there is an odd role reversal where the hero wants to kill the villain but the villain doesn't want to kill the hero...just yet. IMO, CW made a mistake by having the suit be invincible except to Kryptonite. It lowers the stakes and diminished vulnerability. It's like they wanted to make their own hopeful black-suited Supergirl.