So like, I see that I got new reviews and I got an email notification about them but they aren't showing up. :v Because of this I can only reply to the shorter ones because the longer ones get cut off in the email. And from what I can tell all of the reviews but one this time around are longer. Also, sorry if I missed anyone's review. :v I get so many emails it's hard to keep track of them.
Alyce Reide: Your message was also cut off in the email but I think that I've got the basic gist of it. Yeah, it kind of bothered me too how glossed over the deaths and combat kills in Avatar were. Aang had a lot of collateral damage. Like he has to have killed at least one background character with it, which is why his aversion to killing Ozai was strange to me. Like he was fine killing solders and guards who were just doing their jobs, but he didn't want to kill someone who was truly evil just baffles me. I chalk that up to the nature of writing cartoons tho, not particularly something with him as a character.
Azula is silent for a very long time before replying, "I think so." She lays back down upon the mattress. Dr. Phang had been right, there is a disconnect. Her memories, though all accounted for, are unorganized and foreign. They haven't been thought of in so long, it is like stretching a muscle after neglecting it entirely for months. That pressure behind her forehead only seems to intensify, growing into something a little more than a vague discomfort.
"You look pale." Sokka notes. She is well aware of his close proximity. She gives a small jerk when his hand touches her bicep. She feels rather unwell as her mind works right the turmoil within.
"I can get you something to drink." He offers.
Azula nods. Her newly awakened memories still feel somehow distant, she supposes that this is why she isn't yet feeling amiss about Sokka's presence and kindness. Yet, it tingles in the back of her mind that something is wrong.
.oOo.
When he gets back, the princess is sleeping on her side with her right arm wedged between her cheek and the pillow. The left is draped over her middle. He isn't sure how that position is even remotely comfortable.
He sets the drink down next to her untouched meal. He wonders if he should begin preparing himself for the end of their newly begun relationship. At the very least he decides that he should prepare for a decent struggle.
Sokka thinks of Zuko and hopes that he has taken the chance to get close enough to Azula for her to reconsider letting past animosity take over. On a normal night, he would lay himself down next to the firebender. On this one, he keep his distance.
She doesn't seem to be sleeping fitfully, so he makes his way down the hall to update Zuko on her condition.
.oOo.
The conflict in her mind grows as her memories solidify. In the passing days the fog of dissociation seems to dissipate, leaving her with a very clear concoction of emotions. Among them is embarrassment; a feeling that she has betrayed herself in getting so close to the Tribesman. In letting bygones be bygones. And yet she can't quite imagine herself grow lonely again.
But Mai and TyLee...what is to stop them from deciding that they no longer want to speak with her now that she is whole again? She'd only barely managed to get Katara to start trusting her…
She occupies her time with distractions. Mostly she resumes her firebending regimen and with a much fuller library of stances, techniques, and katas. It is more than time consuming enough to disappear for hours and without anyone asking much. As far as they are concerned, she has just regained full access to her bending abilities and is trying to make the most of it.
Really, she is avoiding things. And she can't say that she doesn't feel at least a little ashamed of it. She has never been one to dodge things that required confrontation. But most of those things have dealt with the physical.
It is another two days before Sokka sees through her antics. The man makes a point of announcing his entry. The fire dies in her palm and she snaps around to face him. "When I'm training, don't interrupt."
"Funny, you're always training lately." He comments. "That doesn't leave a lot of room for talking."
"That's correct." She confirms as she drops back into the stance she had been.
.oOo.
"If you don't want to talk then you can at least say it." He pushes. Her stance grows tighter and he winces, stomach constricting with fear. He hasn't felt true fear around her in a very long while. He gets a feeling that he should be so brazen and forthcoming with her now that she has her memories back.
"I don't want to talk to you." Azula replies after a minute or so, she remains with her back turned to him.
It is like a slap in the face, one that he had been ready for. One where he saw the hand lift but didn't do anything to dodge. And it stings with an unimaginable intensity. Sokka had been more than prepared for her to reject him. His mind wanders back to the swamp, to the hateful and menacing apparition. The one that stands in front of him right now.
He train of thought carries him to the conversation that night, where they'd both insisted that her new memories would account for so much more than the old and it hurts twice over.
It seems as though hope hasn't paid off this time. He bunches his fists. Yue had died, Suki had finally admitted that she had grown distant because loved women, and Azula…
Perhaps he should just accept life as a lone wolf.
"Why are you still here?"
He shakes his head. "I don't know. I guess I was just hoping that…"
"That you'd change your mind and talk to me."
"Then you're wasting your time."
This tinges his vision red so suddenly that he is almost dizzy. He had crossed a tundra in a raging blizzard, trekked through it a second time, spent the night in an uncomfortable compound dealing with her moods, and paraded around a swamp with here. "I've already wasted time on you! What's a few more minutes!?" He snaps. He thinks that she might have flinched, but then he could be seeing what he wants to see. His hand comes to the burn on his chest, it seems to tingle. He'd let that slide too, hadn't he. "You used me." He accuses.
She rolls her eyes. "This surprises you?"
His mouth falls agape, he closes it and opens it several times, but he doesn't think anything he says will be able to encompass and express just how severely livid he is. How utterly flabbergasted and thrown aback. How betrayed…
He clenches his fists tighter and storms out of the room.
.oOo.
The dread she feels is cold. Surely he will scamper off to his friends and she will be back to where she started. He wishes that he would have just let her come to him. She is almost certain that she would have once she had a chance to sort things out with herself.
Instead he had done what he always has, pestered and probed until it brought razors to her tongue. Perhaps, a few days ago he could have talked her down or guilted her into admitting that she was just...confused.
But her newly reawakened pride wouldn't accept even the smallest slight and prioritized having the last word over any real discussion.
Azula supposes that she could hustle after him and tell him that she simply hadn't been ready for a discussion yet, that was all. But she refuses to demean herself in that way so she runs through a few more katas and heads back to her room.
She sees him in the hall, he is just out of earshot but his posture and gestures as he speaks with Katara suggest anger and outrage. She slips into her room opting out of dinner that night. Nevermind defending herself, he'd already begun speaking ill of her.
Once again she is alone and without allies.
This time she has Long Feng, and whatever team he may or may not still have, to face. Her head pounds furiously and she rubs her temples. She has managed alone before...and yet he had managed to take her before…
She lays in bed staring at the ceiling. Decidedly she should have gone with her first instinct, to not retrieve her lost memories. And yet, not having them was driving her mad. At least then she had support, that is more than she can say now.
Azula thinks back to the fight she'd had with Sokka on their way from the tundra to the Fire Nation. It had gone very much the same. She'd simply assumed that things were unsalvageable only to find them resolved, even if the progress was slow.
But that was different. That was when she wasn't her. That was when he had faith that she would turn around.
She bunches herself up.
At least these thoughts keep her mind out of that facility for the time.