Chapter 28
Songs:
Stay, Thirty Seconds to Mars
The Unforgiven, Metallica
Pages, Three Doors Down
Saturn, Sleeping At Last
Unity, Shinedown
*Link to YouTube playlist in chapter 1.
Bella
I can't sleep. I toss and turn for what feels like forever, even though it's been less than an hour since I crawled into bed. Even sending Edward a text to make sure he's okay doesn't help me relax. It isn't until I hear the bike coming down the road that I finally feel the tension leave my body.
But when I greet him at the door, it returns.
His eyes are dark and tired, even under the dim glow of the porch light. It looks like he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
"Hey," I say as he leans in for a kiss.
"Hey." The words are spoken against my lips, and I can feel the tension rolling off him in waves. "I hope it's okay I came by. Your message—"
"It's fine. I'm glad you're here." I step aside so he can come in. "Everything all right?" I ask as he walks past me. I turn and close the door, but before I can step away from it, Edward pushes me against it.
"No, and I don't want to talk about it." His lips claim mine, and his hands claim the rest of me. Gripping my ass, he lifts me into his arms, and I wrap my legs around his waist. His lips break away from mine and move to my neck.
"Bedroom," I manage to gasp when his teeth nip the tender skin where my neck and shoulder meet.
He walks down the hall toward my bedroom, carefully nudging the door closed behind us and tossing me on the bed. As he takes off his boots and cut, I strip off my poor excuse for pajamas. The predatory gleam in his eyes sends me crawling backward, up the bed. When his heavy, belted jeans hit the floor and his shirt is yanked over his head, my eyes are drawn to the lines of muscle and ink on his chest. I lick my lips.
But when I look at his face, my playful mood evaporates. "What's wrong?"
"I told you, I don't want to talk about it," he says, climbing over me. "I need you, Bella." His voice is low, pleading, and it tugs at something inside me.
He holds himself over me, hovering, waiting, and with a single nod of my head, he settles between my spread legs, wasting no time grinding against me.
"You and the boys are the most important people in my life, you know that?" His mouth trails down my neck to my collarbone, his tongue tasting and swirling its way to my nipple. He laces our fingers together and pulls our hands over my head, resting them on the pillow and pushing inside me.
Pulling away, his eyes meet mine. In that moment, the pleading, the desperation is so clear in them, it steals my breath.
"It's okay," I whisper, trying to calm whatever storm seems to be raging inside him. "It's okay."
He buries his head in my neck, his lips finding and never leaving my skin, but he never says another word. We move together, and the power in his thrusts tells me he's fighting some unseen demon, trying to chase it away. He pushes; I push back. And the give and take between our bodies is effortless.
Completely lost in bliss, I don't feel the slow buildup at first. It isn't until my stomach tightens and tingles race across my skin that I know I'm careening over the edge into oblivion. With my head tilted back and mouth wide open, I gasp, silently screaming as Edward groans into my neck. His cock pulses inside me, and his grip on me tightens.
As my heart slows and I float back to earth, I realize he's not moving. Only his heavy, panting breaths tell me he's still alive.
I reach up and run a hand through his hair, kissing the side of his neck. "Hey," I whisper, "whatever it is, I'm here."
He lifts his head, and I'm met with a maelstrom of emotions—sadness, anger, confusion. They all swirl behind his emerald gaze, and his pain slices through me, rendering me helpless.
He kisses me gently as he pulls from my body, rolling onto his back and tugging me with him. Holding me close, he tucks my head under his chin. His heart thrums fast and hard under my ear, and I place a soft kiss there, over where his son's name is permanently etched into his skin.
When he speaks, his voice is rough and broken. "Angela and Ben are moving."
"Oh," I say simply, not really sure how to respond. I lean back and look up into his eyes. "For sure?"
He nods.
"And it's not Phoenix, is it?"
"I wish it were only Phoenix."
"Where are they moving?"
"Washington state. Just outside Seattle, I guess."
"Oh, Edward," I say softly, my heart sinking. The thought of Seth moving that far away from here, from his extended family, from Sam, from his own father ... my heart breaks for all of them ... for us. "I'm so sorry."
When tears shine in his eyes, I scoot higher on the bed and gather him into my arms, allowing him time to grieve for what he's losing. Because no matter what kind of arrangement he and Angela come to, I know things will never be the same.
We lie together in silence, neither of us moving, until he lifts his head and wipes his eyes, sniffing. "Sorry," he says gruffly, scooting over to his side of the bed.
"For what?" I draw the forgotten sheet up and cover my chest as I roll over to face him.
He ignores my question but holds an arm out for me. I settle back into his side and cover us both.
"Do you guys have a plan?"
"We're working on it. We still need to talk to Seth about everything, too." He opens his mouth then closes it again.
"What?"
"You might be pissed when I tell you what I suggested to her."
"I doubt that but tell me anyway."
"I suggested that Seth stay with me for the school year."
I lift my head off his chest and meet his worried eyes. "Why would I be upset with you for suggesting that?"
"Because you're a part of my life now, and you'll be affected by this too. I should have talked to you about it first."
I stare down at him. "That may be so, but why would I have a problem with anything that would mean you get more time with your son?"
"I don't know," he says with a huff. "It's just that this"—he waves a hand between us—"is new, and it would just add one more complication to things. He'd have to be shuffled back and forth, and I mentioned something about flying him up there when the baby is born, and—"
"Baby? Angela's pregnant?"
"Yeah. They just found out. She's due in February or March, I think."
"Oh," I say, my gaze falling to a particular swirl of ink on his chest.
He lifts my chin. "What I'm trying to say is it would mean he'd be with me full time for months. Aside from him going up there for long weekends and breaks from school, he'd be with me. That might make this more difficult."
"And what about after he goes up there permanently?"
"We haven't made any decisions."
"Do you even get a choice?"
"About their move? No. About how often I see him? I guess that's entirely up to me. Seth too. We're supposed to sit down and talk to him soon ... see what he wants."
A voice niggles the back of my mind, and I can't help but ask him the question. "Have you considered relocating to be with him?"
His head falls heavier back into his pillow and he groans. "I just got you back, Bella. I can't leave you now."
"No, hear me out. Between what you paid me for the bike and the check Esme just wrote me, I have more than enough to move. We can all get away from this place." The more I think about it, the more excited I get. "We can get a place close to theirs, and the boys can still see each other."
"We can get a place? You'd do that? Move that far away for me? Move in with me?" he asks with a small grin.
The smile on his face is contagious, and I push up, leaning over him. "Maybe," I say against his lips, kissing him. I pull back to look into his shining eyes. "I'd follow you anywhere, Edward. This could be the new start we all need. Get away from all the garbage that's been thrown our way."
He cups my cheek and leans in for a kiss. It's slow and deep ... but laced with regret.
When he pulls away, his forehead comes to rest on mine. "I can't," he whispers. "I have a responsibility to the club. There are some things I can't walk away from."
"Ever?" I back up, just out of his reach.
His hand falls to his chest, seemingly defeated that I'm pulling away. "Not now. Look," he says, sitting up, "I can't just up and leave. I have to see a few things through first." His eyes plead with me to understand. "When I had the colors inked on my back, it was a commitment. And I don't walk away from my commitments."
His words sting just a little, knowing he was able to walk away from me so easily years ago.
"Stop," he says softly, tilting my chin up and meeting my gaze. "Don't compare what a stupid kid did ten years ago with our now. I'm in this with you, but I also have to uphold my word to the club." He leans over me, his lips hovering over mine. "But as soon as I figure out a way to fulfill my promise to them, I'm out."
I can see the conviction in his eyes. "You mean it?"
"I do. Pop is setting us up for some shit I don't really want to be part of, but I can't just bail on them. I need to make sure they aren't going to get themselves killed or arrested. As soon as I see they have a handle on shit, I'm going to talk to Pop about going out on my own. Maybe set up a support club or another chapter. Hell, I'll steal a page from Rooster's book and go out as a nomad."
"You'd do that?" I ask, searching his eyes.
"If it meant having my family with me, starting over in a new place? Absolutely." His kiss is soft and full of promises. When he pulls away, his grin is flirtatious. "Now, if you're willing to move in with me in Washington, how opposed are you to a trial run?"
Sadly, Edward is gone before my alarm goes off. Sam and I trudge through breakfast, and I get him to daycare in time to make it to the studio before Rose. When she finally shows, it's nearly lunchtime for me, and I already have most of my work done for the day. Just as I'm deciding if I want to grab something from the vending machine or eat the protein bar in my purse, my phone rings.
"Hello." I tuck my phone against my ear, holding it up with my shoulder.
"Hey, I wanted to let you know we're all headed over to the hospital."
"What happened? Is everybody—"
"Everyone is fine. Boomer called a little while ago. Maggie's in labor. They've been there since last night."
"Oh. Should I ..."
"If you want. Hang on." I can hear some rustling and shifting over the phone, and when he comes back, his voice is lower. "I know we talked about keeping you and me kind of to ourselves for a while, so it's up to you if you want to come down. But if you do, don't expect me to keep my distance. I'm kind of ready to let everybody in on the secret."
I bite my lower lip, thinking about the ramifications of officially outing us. "Give me an hour or so and I'll be there."
"Love you." I can almost hear the smile in his voice.
"Love you, too."
I send Rose a text to let her know I'm leaving a little early, and she replies that she'll meet me at the hospital after the shoot is done. While my computer shuts down, I organize my desk, stacking up some papers that Rose needs to sign first thing tomorrow. As I reach inside the desk drawer for a Post-it to scribble a reminder on, I come across the two letters from Masen. I've been avoiding them since I tossed them in the drawer weeks ago.
I stare down at the innocent-looking envelopes, and in a last-minute decision, I snatch them from the drawer and stuff them in my purse before locking up the office and heading to the hospital.
The lot in front of the maternity wing is nearly overflowing with Harleys when I arrive. I also spot Esme's SUV. I don't see Ali's car anywhere, so unless she came with Jazz, it looks like I'll be facing the firing squad on my own.
I steel my nerves and walk inside, stopping at the front desk to get a visitor's pass. I take the elevators to the third floor, and when I step off of it, I follow the sound of Edward's laugh floating down the hall. The maternity floor waiting room must not be large enough to hold everyone, because several people—including Edward—have spilled out into the hallway. It's a much happier scene than the last time the club was gathered in a hospital waiting room.
Almost everyone is here; club members and several of their old ladies fill the room past capacity. Kate and Vicki sit beside each other, the latter dressed in scrubs since she's probably on shift. Jazz is here, but Ali is noticeably absent. Even if I'd hoped she'd show, I didn't really expect to see her. The queen bee herself, Esme, sits in the corner, flipping through a magazine. It's the first time I've laid eyes on her since that fateful day in her kitchen.
Mac is the first one to spot me, smiling and waving at me as I approach. It gets Edward's attention, and a smile lights his face when he sees me.
"Hey, you." He reaches for my hand, and I willingly let him draw me under his arm. "Missed you." He tilts my chin up, questioning me with his eyes.
I reply by meeting him halfway. In front of everyone and his mother, I kiss him, and other than the nervous butterflies swirling in my belly, it's good. When we break apart, he swipes his thumb across my bottom lip.
I hear Esme's huff of disgust, but I don't bother to turn and look at her.
Edward's gaze, though, is locked on his mother.
"Don't," I whisper. "She's just trying to get a rise out of us."
"She better keep her distance, that's all I gotta say."
I wrap my arm around his waist and squeeze, getting his attention away from Esme. "So, how's Maggie? Has she had the baby yet?"
"Last time Boomer checked in was about an hour ago. He said she was about to start pushing, so it shouldn't be much longer," Edward answers.
"So ..." Mac's twinkling blues jumping between Edward and me. "This is quite the new development."
"New?" Edward looks down at me, smiling. "Is this new, babe?"
I can't help but laugh at his goofy expression. "Depends on what you call new."
Edward looks back up at Mac. "There ya go."
"I'm happy for you two." Mac leans in closer. "It's good to see you both smile for once." He winks and walks off, leaving Edward and me alone for a moment.
"I hated leaving you so early this morning," he says, pulling me close. "I hate leaving you period. I was serious last night when I said I want you to move in with me."
I grin up at him. "I know you were." I rise up on my tiptoes and kiss him quickly. "But hold that thought. I need to make a run to the ladies' room. I ran out of the studio too fast."
"I'll walk with you," he says, grasping my hand and letting me lead him.
The ladies' room is down the hall, just past an alcove where the vending machines are hidden.
"You want anything?" he asks, pointing to the wall of machines.
"Maybe a water. I have a protein bar in my bag, but I don't have a drink."
"One bottle of water coming right up." His eyes light up as he glances at the brightly lit machines. "Maybe they have those cupcake things I like."
I giggle, leaving him to it and ducking into the restroom. When I'm done, Edward isn't waiting outside the door like I expect. A vision of him fighting with the notoriously fussy vending machines has me smiling as I walk back toward where I left him. But as I approach, it's not Edward's grumbling about wrinkled bills that I hear.
"Are you seriously not going to speak to me?"
Esme's voice stops me cold, my footsteps coming to a halt just short of the doorway. I plaster myself against the wall outside the vending area, out of sight. My heart thunders in my chest as I wait to hear Edward's reply. I inch closer to the opening, peeking around it just enough to see but not be seen.
Edward turns to his mother, and I get a glimpse of the man who wears the cut, the one who rides with his brothers and does things I don't want to know about. "I'm sorry. Didn't I make myself clear enough last week when I said I wasn't speaking to you until you fix things with Bella?"
I don't have to see Esme's face to know she's rolling her eyes, absolutely dismissive of her son. "Are you still hung up on that nonsense? I sent her a check, or didn't she tell you?"
Edward chuckles, but it's not a pleasant sound. "Oh, she didn't have to tell me about it. I was there when she opened it. And what the hell even was that, Mom? You realize I can count, right? It doesn't take a genius to figure out you paid back less than half, fuck, barely a quarter of what you stole from Masen."
"I don't have to justify myself to you," Esme mumbles as she turns to leave.
Edward reaches out and wraps a hand around his mother's bicep, stopping her escape.
"When I told you to make it right, I meant that shit," he growls, pulling her closer and getting within an inch of her face. "You need to pay back every fucking dollar."
"You think I have that kind of cash lying around?" She tries to shake out of her son's grasp, but he doesn't loosen his hold. "It was hard enough to get together the money I did. That girl should be thankful I paid her anything."
"Yeah, because you've been so great to her all these years."
"What more does she want from me?"
"How about not treating her like your mortal enemy? That would be a nice start."
"Her presence in our life—"
"Her presence in our lives what? What did Bella's presence in our lives do to you to make you hate her so much?"
Esme straightens her back to her full height and meets her son's eyes. This time her jaw is clenched. "Because her father threatened to—"
"No, try again. There's more to it than that, and we both know it."
She grinds her teeth and narrows her eyes. "Because if she'd have left, you wouldn't have had the constant reminder of what she did to you," she spits. "You had to see her, watch her with your brother for all those years, and having her so close ... Edward, I know that's what held you back from having a family of your own. It's what's kept you single all these years ... kept you from being happy. I only wanted to see my son happy."
He leans in close, and I can see the fire burning in his eyes from where I'm standing as he hovers over his mother. "You have no fucking idea, do you? I'm the one who hurt her. I'm the one who ruined her life. But I did it because I thought it was what was best at the time. And I never settled down with anyone because no one else ever meant enough to me for more than a fuck. I've been perfectly content to concentrate on my son all these years. Even Bella knew back then that it was more important for me to be a good father to my kid. She decided to not fight for us because of Seth." He hesitates, and I can see the cogs turning in his head. "But putting a child's best interests before your own is a foreign concept to you, isn't it?"
"That's not fair, Edward. You have no idea what it feels like to be asked to accept your husband's child. To know that the person you love, the person who is supposed to love you, had a kid with someone else. A kid born to a whore junkie who wouldn't stop coming around your own family."
"So, you took it out on an innocent child? And I do know what it's like to watch the person I love make a family with someone else. But you know what? I accepted it, hell, I embraced it. Because at the end of the day, two of the people who mean the world to me were so fucking happy. Even with all the shit you put them through, they were happy ... at least until they couldn't pay their fucking bills because the bitch who wrote Masen's checks was shorting him all these years."
Esme finally pulls her arms from her son's grasp. "I've paid her what I can," she says defiantly. "That's going to have to be enough." She starts to walk away, but Edward stops her.
"It's not good enough. If you don't fix it, if you don't pay her back, we're through. I meant that shit when I said you wouldn't see Seth."
"How can you—"
"I mean it, Mom. You make it right or we're through."
A beat of silence passes between them before Esme speaks. "So, that's how it's going to be? That little bitch is gonna turn my son against me?"
"No"—he shakes his head—"you've done that all on your own."
"You're making a mistake ... being with her is a mistake," Esme says, her words sounding like both a plea and a warning.
"I'm not the one making a mistake, Mom."
Without another word, Esme walks out of the alcove. Instinctively, I pull back, worried she'll see me, but her back stays turned to me as she walks away, disappearing around another corner.
"Hey," Edward says, surprising me when he steps to my side. "How much of that did you hear?"
"Enough. Thank you for standing up for me."
He hands me the bottle of water as his gaze is drawn to where his mother disappeared. "I'm not going to let her get away with it." He turns to me, and his earnest expression gives weight to his words. "She's hurt you so much, and I'm not going to let her do it again."
I rise up on tiptoes and kiss him. "Thank you."
"You don't have to thank me. You're mine now, and I'll be damned if I let her get away with that shit. But enough about my mother." He reaches for my hand and tugs. "Come on. Let's go see if that baby's here yet." He guides us back toward the waiting room where everyone else is. We walk side by side, our hands swinging between us, and his expression turns mischievous.
"What has you grinning like an idiot?"
"I was just thinking I'd stay with you again tonight."
"Yeah?" My footsteps come to a halt a safe distance from the waiting room, making Edward stop short. I turn and wrap my arms around his neck, smiling up at him. "I think that could be arranged." The kiss we share is nearly indecent for a public place, and before we get carried away and start whispering what kind of dirty things we want to do to each other, Boomer bursts through the double doors at the end of the hallway.
"It's a boy!"
Congratulations, back slaps, and the biggest group hug I've ever seen fill the hallway. Cigars are handed out, but not lit, and everyone's smiles are beaming. Boomer shares little Oliver's stats, and assures us Maggie is resting comfortably in her room. Once we know mom and baby are doing well, most of the guys leave, their women following right behind them.
Boomer returns to his wife, and those of us left linger in the waiting room. Edward, Mac, Jazz, and Carl stand around, shooting the shit and talking about who's going to Sturgis next month. My ears perk when Edward doesn't automatically say whether or not he's going. After a while, I start considering taking off to get a few things done before I have to pick up Sam, but when Boomer comes back out to see who's still here, I'm glad I've stayed.
"Want to meet him?" he asks me.
"Yeah? You sure she's up to visitors?"
"I'm sure. She said to bring in anybody that was still hanging around if they wanted to meet him. She'd love to show him off. Her parents can't get here until tomorrow."
I interrupt Edward's talk with Carl to let him know where I'm going and follow Boomer to Maggie's room. What I see when I walk in makes my heart so happy.
Maggie is sitting in her bed, cradling her newborn son in her arms, and a serene smile lights her face.
"Bella," she says softly, happiness spilling out of her. "Come see him."
When I reach her bedside, I peek at the tiny, capped bundle in her arms. "He's beautiful, Maggie."
"Do you want to hold him?"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
After I wash my hands, Maggie hands him over, and I settle into the chair at her bedside.
"He's so tiny," I whisper, looking at her. "I forgot how tiny they are when they're brand new."
"He certainly didn't feel tiny. Pushing out his giant head has probably changed my lady bits for life."
"That was probably the only good thing about having Sam the way I did. He might have been a little early, but having a C-section, I never had to worry about my lady bits being changed forever. But I hear it all goes back to normal soon enough. And everyone says Kegels make a world of difference."
"Yeah, the doc mentioned that. He also offered to put in an extra stitch."
"He did not!" I ask, shocked, my mouth hanging wide open.
"He did." She raises a brow. "I told him to take his extra stitch and shove it up his ass."
"Good."
The weight of little Oliver in my arms is familiar, and for a brief moment, I think about the baby I miscarried a few months ago. I'd be more than halfway through my pregnancy by now if I hadn't lost it. But I push away those thoughts and consider the new possibilities. Maybe I could have this again. A little person, half me and half Edward. Once we get settled and figure out what's next for us, we could absolutely try for a baby of our own. Surprisingly, the thought doesn't terrify me as much as I thought it would.
"Now, that is a beautiful sight." Edward walks up beside me and kisses the top of my head before he makes his way to Maggie. "How are you, sweetheart?" he asks her as he kisses her cheek. "You did good. He looks nothing like his old man, thank God."
"Hey," Boomer protests from his spot on the other side of his giggling wife's bed.
"Seriously, guys, he's perfect."
"He is, isn't he?" Maggie asks, sighing and leaning into her husband's arms.
When Edward steps behind me and places his hands on my shoulders, Maggie's gaze shifts from her son to us, her brow raised. "So, do you two have anything to share?"
Edward rubs his thumbs up and down my neck, but he doesn't say anything. When Maggie's tired but bright eyes bounce between me and my man, my cheeks heat up and my ever-present smile only grows.
"That's so great, guys. I'm happy for you."
"Thanks, Maggie." My phone alarm beeps from my bag, and I know my time here is over. "I'm gonna have to take off. I'll need to pick up Sam in a bit." I rise from my seat, carefully handing the baby back to his mother. "Congratulations, hon." I kiss her cheek.
"Thanks for sticking around to meet him. I guess not everyone did." She looks a little dejected.
"They probably just want to give you a chance to rest. I'm sure you'll have so many visitors tonight you'll want them all to go home." I look down at little Oliver sleeping in her arms, and then I grin up at Maggie. "You should rest while you have the chance, because your hours of sleep are officially numbered."
Edward walks me out, promising to stop by after he finishes at the shop, and I head to my car. As I rummage through my bag for my keys, I pass over the letters. Once I'm behind the wheel and the engine is running, Edward takes off. I sit with the AC blasting for several minutes, thinking about ... everything. The clock on the dash reads 2:00, so I have almost an hour before I need to pick up Sam.
The cemetery isn't too far from the hospital, and it's nearly empty this time of day. Only groundskeepers are milling around. It's the first time I've been back since the day of the funeral, so it takes me a few minutes to find Masen's grave, and when I do, I'm not prepared for what I see.
The black granite headstone is sharp and polished, unlike some of the older ones surrounding it. Seeing his name carved into the stone brings me up short. Ordering it was a task I delegated to Edward, so until this moment, I had no idea what it even said.
Masen "Mase" Cullen
Beloved Husband
Devoted Father
Loyal Brother
"I'm trying to figure out why I felt the need to do this here." I laugh humorlessly, shaking my head. "I wasn't sure if I could ever come," I admit to the dirt beneath my feet. "And I'm not entirely sure I believe you can hear me. But I guess this is a way to be close to you, maybe feel some of that closure everyone talks about. I don't know."
Feeling ridiculous speaking to the ground, I sit, curling my feet underneath me. "Your brother brought me the letters you wrote me and Sam. I haven't read them yet. I guess I wasn't ready until now." I look up at the stone. "But things are changing. Edward asked me to move in with him, and I think I'm going to accept. So I need to put the past behind me so we can move on without it hanging over my head."
I pull the letters from my pocket and shuffle them back and forth, finally deciding to start with the letter to Sam. It's what I expect. Apologies and promises to watch over him fill the page, and bits of fatherly advice are sprinkled in, along with orders for Sam to take care of his mother. I'm choked up, but I feel confident that I can give Sam this letter sooner than later.
When I open the letter addressed to me, the tears that have clouded my eyes finally spill over onto my cheeks.
Bella,
Where do I even start? I feel like all I've done is make apologies lately, but this has to be the biggest one.
I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry for all the hell I've put you through. I'm sorry that my failure this time means you're in danger, and I'll die knowing I fucked up. I don't know how you can ever forgive me, but I'm praying to a god I don't believe in that you will.
I wasted so much time being angry about things I couldn't control. And it was all wasted time when I could have been happy with you instead. I won't make excuses. I know my actions the last few years have been beyond painful. I threw away everything that meant anything to me, and I stopped trying. I'll always regret that. It was all me. You were always enough. You were always there to pick up my pieces, always willing to forgive me and give me another chance. I'm sorry I couldn't be the man you needed me to be.
I don't think I ever was.
Take care of my boy, and ... be happy. That's it. Do whatever it is that makes you happy. Leave this godforsaken town and start over somewhere else if you need to. Fall in love with someone who will make you smile, because God knows I haven't been able to for a very long time. But live the rest of your life knowing the years you gave me were the best years of my life. I'm just sorry I was too fucked up to realize it at the time.
I love you, Bella. I've loved you since the day you gave me that damn guardian bell on my birthday all those years ago. I knew then, when you told me you cared about me, that I would do anything to keep you in my life. And if I could go back in time and change things, get a do over, I would. The only thing I wouldn't change is taking a chance on us.
Be happy.
All my love,
Masen
I fold the letter and slip it back in its envelope, and after wiping the tears from my cheeks, I stand. As I lean forward, I close my eyes. "Thank you. And I love you too, Masen." I kiss the top of his headstone and turn around, walking back to my car. It's time to go get my son. We have a few things to talk about.
Sam is helping me make dinner when I bring up moving, and he's more than a little excited about it. He talks nonstop about movie nights in Seth's room, and then he tries to convince me to let him have a TV in his room. And with his puppy dog eyes, it's hard to tell him no.
He asks where I'll sleep since Edward's house only has three bedrooms, and it takes me a moment to decide how to approach the subject.
"Well, that's something I need to talk to you about, kiddo. Your uncle and I are ... we're ..."
"You're what, Mommy?"
I take a deep breath and blow it out. "Your uncle and I are ... dating."
His face scrunches up in confusion. "Dating?"
"Yeah, like spending more time together. Holding hands ... hugging—"
"Like kissy face stuff?"
I giggle at his summation. "Kissy face stuff? Where did you hear that?"
He shrugs and tries to toss the small salad he helped make. "From my friend at school. He said his mommy and her boyfriend were making kissy faces with each other. Does that mean you're Uncle E's boyfriend?"
"Um, it would be girlfriend since I'm a girl, but yes."
"Oh," he says simply. His brow furrows as he focuses on the bowl of vegetables, but he doesn't say anything else for a long time as he works out in his head what it all means.
"Does that mean you'll sleep in Uncle E's room?" he finally asks.
I nod slowly. "Yeah, I will. Does that bother you?"
"Ava said mommies and daddies sleep in the same room. Does that mean he'll be my new daddy?" he asks as he faces me.
"No, baby." I turn and wrap my arms around him, tilting his chin up to meet my eyes. "He'll always be your uncle. He'd never try to take Daddy's place. But he wants us all to live together, like a family." I silently beg him to understand.
"So, I don't have to call him 'Daddy'?"
"No, baby. You can still call him Uncle E."
"Even if you get married?"
"Married? Do you think we'd get married?"
"Isn't that what growned-up boys and girls do when they hug and kiss?"
"Hug and kiss? Did you see—"
"I saw you kissin' a few days ago."
"Oh."
He leans forward and lowers his voice. "Are you gonna have a baby now?"
"A baby? Sam, where did you hear—"
"'Cause Matty said that's how babies are made."
"Well, Matty is wrong."
"So, you're not having a baby?"
"Not right now."
His tiny body sags in relief, and it makes me giggle. "Good. 'Cause I don't want to share my toys with anybody but Seth."
"I'm glad we got that settled, Sam, but what about moving?"
He crosses his scrawny arms over his chest and tilts his head as he looks up at me. "Am I getting a TV?"
It's two weeks before the trailer is completely cleared out and locking the door on our last trip to pack up is bittersweet in many ways. This is where I brought home a newborn Sam, where he took his first steps, where we shared a few happy years as a family. But it's also where the dark days of my marriage to Masen started. And looking at the For Sale sign in the yard and the empty rooms visible through curtain-less windows, it looks devoid of all life, like the shell it felt like for so long.
"You okay?" Edward asks from behind me, wrapping an arm around my waist.
I turn in his arms and chuckle, shaking my head. "I don't know why I'm so sentimental. This place has almost more bad memories than good."
"Come on," he says, tugging me toward my car. "Let's go make some new ones."
A/N: So, how are we feeling? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Some of our amazing fandom writers have recently published books! Cecilia Rene, a.k.a. ceceprincess1217, has published The Bachelor Duke. If you loved the fic, you'll love the reworked published version. I was lucky enough to be on her prereading team, and I can tell you this, if you're a fan of historical romances, you don't want to miss this one. Kristina Sanchez, a.k.a. LyricalKris, has published Never Enough, and Faye Byrd, a.k.a. Fyrebyrd, has just published A Dirty Lion ... with two more in the series to follow. These are all available on Amazon now! Do yourself a favor and check them out!
And happy Midnight Sun release to those of you who are reading! I'm excited to dig into it when my hardback arrives later today.
Remember, you can come chat with me in my Facebook group, Sunshine Fics, even if it's just to talk about your day or share a meme or joke. Anything to make each other smile. I also share teasers and chapter pics there. You can also follow me on Twitter at CSunshine1220.
Be kind.
Stay safe.
Stay well.
Lots of love
~Sunshine