After dinner the next day, we all rush back toward the dorm room, word having spread that they'll be posting the rankings, the last we'll see of them until the end of initiation but the first time ours and the Dauntless-born's will be together. I don't know if what I've done this week will have improved my score. Four doesn't really act like I'm doing well, what with the constantly telling me to do it correctly and all. I just don't know how, I don't know what he wants me to do. I can't fight half the things I come across so what else can I do?

Four isn't here this time, it's Eric presenting the scores. He does it without fanfare, just hangs the board on the wall and walks away. Immediately when he steps aside we swarm the board, eager to see where we are.

Tris' name is in the first slot, mine is still sitting in the second. Our average times are beside our names, Tris' is two minutes forty five seconds and mine is four minutes three seconds. Peter, who's in third, has an average of eight minutes.

"Always the bridesmaid," I mutter, then turn to Tris. "I hope you're up for a little friendly competition."

She responds with a weak laugh.

I notice that Will and Christina are in seventeenth and twenty-sixth respectively, Al is in almost dead last.

The crowd breaks up, the Dauntless-born headed for their dorms but Drew and Molly are the only transfers that go back to ours.

"Nice job, you two." Marlene claps both Tris and I on the shoulder as she passes, Lynn and Uriah nod and Uriah smiles but neither of them say anything.

Peter turns slowly, looking at Tris with narrowed eyes and his whole body tense like he's about to pounce. He shoves her hard against the wall and hisses, "I will not be outranked by a Stiff. How did you do it, huh? How the hell did you do it?" He pulls her forward only to slam her back against the wall.

Will rips him away from her as Christina, Al, and I move between them. He can fight, sure, but on his own he can't beat all five of us.

"Leave her alone," Will snaps. "Only a coward bullies a little girl."

"Little girl?" Peter repeats with a sneer. "Are you blind, or just stupid? She's going to edge you out of the rankings and out of Dauntless, and you're going to get nothing, all because she knows how to manipulate people and you don't. So when you realize that she's out to ruin us all, you let me know."

"You've got to be kidding me." I roll my eyes. "I think those conspiracy articles are killing off what few brain cells you have, Peter."

"There's no way you two of all people just made it to the top two spots by trying your hardest every day. No one is that fast."

"Well we are, that's why we're number one and two. Have you considered that maybe you're just a miserable coward?"

"Oh that's a real nice thing to say about your friends who are doing worse than all three of us." He tosses his head in their direction.

I pause, not having thought about it like that then say, "Well my point still stands. Tris isn't some malevolent fuckin' genius capable of manipulating us all. She's just better than you and your massive ego can't handle that fact."

"She's ahead of you too, Mimi," he says with unexpected calm. "Second place is just first loser."

I grimace as he walks away and roll my eyes. But when I turn back to my friends I'm surprised at the layer of tension between them.

"Is he right?" Will asks Tris quietly. "Are you trying to manipulate us?"

"You've got to be kidding me," I interject.

"No, I'm not. You're just dismissing that completely out of hand and maybe that's not the best id–"

"I'm dismissing it because it's ridiculous. I mean are you even listening to yourself, it's Tris. In what universe is she capable of that sort of manipulation?"

"You know that you can defend me without insulting me, right?" Tris frowns at me.

"Come again?"

"That's the second time your argument has basically been that I'm not manipulating you guys because I'm not smart enough rather than you're my friends and I would never do that."

"Did you miss the part where I'm on your side here or what? You and I both know that you're not capable of that sort of thing."

If looks could kill then she would have slain me there.

"Will you guys just," Al trails off. "...Just don't."

"Will, don't be an idiot," Christina cuts in, seeming more annoyed at the argument than what we're arguing about. She nods toward Tris and says, "She isn't acting." Then she looks at me. "Mimi...Tris is right, you're being a jerk."

"About what?"

Her lip curls. "As much as it makes me want to throw up, Peter's right. You are aware that we're behind both of you, right? Like, if he's a coward than what does that make us?"

"You know that's not what I meant."

"No, I really don't. You already think you're better than the rest of us, you've admitted it yourself."

"You've got to be kidding me. Are you referring the diary thing, that was nothing."

"No it wasn't," Al interrupts. "Your family already apparently thinks Dauntless is garbage and I'm starting to think that's rubbed off on you."

"I wouldn't be here if it did!" I snap. "I don't think you guys are stupid and I don't think you're cowards." I think you're /being/ stupid , I add in my head. "I didn't write that stuff down thinking I'd ever have anyone interpreting it."

"So you just were as brutally honest as humanly possible." Will crosses his arms.

"Oh for fuck's sake–"

"Don't 'oh for fuck's sake' me. What Peter read wasn't nothing."

"I know! Believe me, I know better than any of you that it wasn't nothing."

"Oh forget it." Christina throws her hands in the air. "You guys are hopeless."

"What did I do?!" Tris exclaims and Christina glares at her in response.

She storms off toward the Pit and Will follows her. Al heads for the dormitory and, not wanting to be left alone with Tris, I just decide to head to the Pit as well. I keep my distance from Christina and Will and split off from them as soon as humanly possible. I head up to the art room looking for Pandora but only find Jordan and a few other people who I hadn't seen last time. There's a woman talking to Jordan who has a tattoo underneath her eye, the two of them smile and laugh with each other.

I decide not to interrupt them and look around instead. There's a doorway at the other end of the main room that I walk through. Inside there are free standing walls like a maze. Most of the walls are blank, but to my left a series of designs with plaques underneath them snake around the walls. Most of them are bigger than I am tall, the one closest to me is a faded but very realistic looking flame, the golden plaque glitters in the early evening light. I walk the edge of the room, looking at all of the designs. Many of them have to do with fire, or are colored like fire; Dauntless' symbol I suppose.

The very last one looks new, or at least newer than the others; a massive flower colored like a flame. I brush my fingers over the paint and then kneel down to look at the plaque. It says, 'Azalea Morgan, The Bright' and below that is says, 'November 23rd 469 - December 28th 497'. I stare at the flower for a while, maybe I should think something about this - about her. I know so many people who knew her, and knew her well. But I didn't; I'm too young and was kept too far from Dauntless to ever have known her beyond a face and a name. My parents never liked her and neither did Jeanine, I know that Minerva liked her stances but thought she was a jerk, Mark never talked much about her but I can say with confidence that he didn't like her much - my brother may not like to talk about his work but I know well what his politics are, and that they often clash with Minerva's. Gwen and Victoria never talk about her, not that I expect them to. Gwen hates talking about Dauntless period, and knowing that her mom was considered to be the most Dauntless of all had to sting.

"Looking for Pandora, I presume." I shriek as the new voice breaks through my thoughts. Jordan leans against the corner of the free-standing walls, his arms crossed and a look of amusement on his face. "I don't think you'll find her in that plaque."

I stand. "Um, yeah, I was just...I, uh…"

"Admired her?" He nods toward the mural.

"...Knew people who, uh, knew her."

"Sure." He scrawls something on a scrap of paper. "Here's her address." He tears the sheet from the book and hands it to me. "Good luck to ya, Kid."

"Thanks. Have a good evening."

I walk up to the address Jordan wrote down for me, the thirteenth floor of one of the apartments that stretches high above the Pit. I knock and, thankfully, Pandora answers. She looks tired, her hands stained with paint and her hair tied up on top of her head.

"Mimette?" She says, cocking her head to the side.

"Just Mimi, remember? May I come in?"

"Of course." She opens the door wider and I step inside. The apartment isn't very large, but very colorfully decorated. Framed paintings and drawings hand on the walls next to photographs of her with other Dauntless. In front of the sliding glass door that leads out onto the balcony is an easel with a large canvas on it. She's painting what appears to be the beginnings of a brightly colored lion, the light pencil sketch showing through where she hasn't yet painted over it.

"I like your painting," I say "Is all of this your art?"

"Yeah. Best thing about being an artist, I gotta say, it makes interior decorating pretty easy. I can just hang my pieces anywhere and people will think I know anything about how to decorate an apartment."

I laugh and sit down on the black couch. She sits down on the coffee table across from me.

"So what brings you?" She asks. "Trouble in paradise already?"

I sigh and put my head in my hands, then when I lift my head it all comes spilling out at once. Everything about the fear sims, about my issues with Four, about the drama with my friends, everything. My head hurts by the time I'm done and Pandora is giving me a look of acute pity.

"Wow," she says. "That's…a lot."

I laugh because I'm just not sure how else to respond. I'm vaguely aware that that isn't an appropriate reaction, but that's all I can do.

She gets to her feet. "How about I make you some tea and you can just relax. We'll watch a movie or something."

I rest my head on one of the couch pillows and stretch my arms over my head, thoroughly exhausted. Going over what happened again in my head I know that it was a stupid argument, and that Tris had every right to be annoyed with me. But they're wrong, I don't think I'm better than everyone else. I don't know how to think that sort of thing; I've never been the best at anything in my life. Even now I'm not the best; not the best fighter, not the bravest, not the most clever, or most determined. I know why Myra did everything she could to stand out, I know what it means to only be sort of okay at everything.

Dauntless was supposed to be the place where that would all change. Where I'd be out of the long shadows cast by my amazing family and incredible friends, a place where I could shine on my own merits. But still I'm just the second best, the first loser. I'll never make it to leadership if I keep letting first place slip through my grasp like this. I'll wind up just another Dauntless, another person lost to the sea of mediocrity.

"I can see the wheels spinning in your head." Pandora takes her seat next to me again and sets two mugs down on the coffee table. "You're thinking too hard about something, aren't you."

"I just wish I was really good at something," I blurt out. "Like really, really good at something. Like you're good at art, and Michael's good at math, and Tris is good at the fear sims, and Will's good at making people laugh."

"You wish you had a niche," she fills in.

"Yeah. A niche." Maybe there is something to be said for Erudite's need to give everything a name. It sure makes it easier to communicate.

She's quiet for a minute, thinking. "What's so wrong with not having one? You can just be, I don't know, eclectic. Learn new things as you go."

"Well it's practically impossible to get anywhere if you don't know what you're good at."

"Impossible, or harder?"

I shrug. "Basically the same thing."

"No. Come on, never in your life have you been afraid of a little challenge before. This seems like the worst time to start."

"But I want to specialize." My voice comes out a little whinnier than I intended. "I want to be really good at one thing, just one."

"Then you should have stayed in Erudite," she says nonchalantly.

I'm taken aback. A pressure builds in my chest and I feel like crying. Maybe I would have been better off there, always in someone else's shadow but safer. Stifled, but surrounded by those who know me best. Here I am free, but that's about all I am.

"Let me tell you something about Dauntless philosophy," she says, her voice a little softer. "Specialization is total horseshit. Giving up after mastering one thing is a pointless and complacent way to live your life. What makes Dauntless as vibrant as it is is that people are trying new things all the time. Everyone's always challenging themselves and pushing each other to the limit. It's hard, but it's worth it. Nobody's just anything, we all have the chance to be everything." She smiles. "Doesn't that sound like so much more of an adventure?"

"Yeah, I guess so. But…I don't know, it's scary. I'm scared."

"I know. I was scared too, scared and embarrassed of not living up to the Erudite standards that had been ingrained in me all my life. But then I got a little older, and I realized that living my life like an Erudite in Dauntless is a pretty shitty way to live. I'll always love my roots, but I can't stand their compulsive need to define everything. You're defined by your work, defined by who you know, defined by the things that in the grand scheme of things don't really matter. I love Dauntless because I'm free to be whoever I want to be, and that changes from day to day. There's no sweat to decide who I am and stick to it."

I turn her words over in my head, and that concept of freedom I have now that I don't know what to do with. I am free to change who I am as often as I change clothes. I can pull off anything so long as I wear it with pride.

The concept is foreign, but comforting. I'm too lost in the forest of my own thoughts to pay much attention to the movie Pandora puts on for us.

"If you want to spend the night here, you're more than welcome." Our mugs lay empty and abandoned on the coffee table and nothing seems more appealing to me than the concept of sleep.

I shake my head. "It's…fine. I should really be getting back."

She grabs my arm as I'm on my way to the door. "Will you just…remember what I said, about it getting better. Try to, at least."

I nod. "Okay."

"Goodnight, Mime– er, Mimi."

I smile. "Goodnight, Pandora."

Dauntless is dark and quiet as I walk back to the dorms, it must be just a little past midnight. Some places in the Pit are still dimly lit, but the nightclub with the strobing lights is quiet and dark. I guess even the Dauntless have to stop partying sometime. I pass Amelie in her studio on the fourth floor as I make my way down. She's stretched out on the hardwood floor looking over a stack of pictures printed on glossy paper. She kicks her legs behind her and hums along to whatever music she's listening to through her headphones. I knock lightly on the glass and she jumps, but softens at the sight of me. I wave and she waves back, shooing me along and mouthing 'Get to bed'.

I continue, hands clasped behind my back and a bit of a spring in my step. Dark as it is, there's something oddly peaceful about Dauntless when it's quiet. My footsteps echo as I walk down the hall. After a minute, I realize that my footsteps aren't the only ones. I pause and listen, hearing the scuff of boots and a noise I haven't heard since Visiting Day – the scrape of high heels on stone.

"So far there haven't been any signs of it," I hear Eric say. He doesn't sound very far from me. He and whoever he's talking to are getting closer. I duck into a little alcove next to a pillar.

So maybe I'm nosey. Sue me.

"Well of course not." Jeanine's voice? What is she doing here? "Combat training shows you nothing. The simulations, however, reveal who the Divergent are, if there are any, of course we will have to examine the footage several times to be sure."

My mouth goes dry. Me. They're talking about me. Well, not me specifically, but even if they don't know it that's me. Why would they be looking for Divergent? Why would they care?

Well, Jeanine did design the Aptitude Test and Divergent seem to fall through the cracks on that; calibration I guess. But why would that be Eric's problem, and why be so secretive about it?

"Don't forget the reason for your standing." She says, her voice ice cold. "You owe everything you are to me and your first priority is always finding them."

"Yes, Dr. Matthews, I know."

I hold my breath as they walk past me. If I wasn't sure it was Jeanine before then I am now, she's so close to my hiding place that I could reach out and touch her. She stops and my eyes widen, fearing the worst; but she's looking at Eric not me.

"Is that so?"

"It is." I see his silhouette straighten a little bit.

"Hmm. Well then I'm sure we have nothing to worry about."

"Of co–" He stops talking when she starts talking again.

"However, I do hope you hold no illusions about your dispensability. In fact, I can think one person in particular who can take your place in a heartbeat."

"I do not. I know what you're capable of." It sounds like an insult, and from the way that Jeanine tenses I think that she takes it as one.

"Good." She starts walking again and I have to resist the urge to breathe a sigh of relief. "I will send one of mine along to check in soon. I trust that you will have everything in order by then?"

"Of course." His voice begins to fade. "I look forward to it."

"Mhm." I can practically hear the eyeroll in her voice. "And what of the…other preparations? Have you and Max decided who's on their way out yet?"

"Um, well I really hate to bring this up again," by the tone of his voice it sounds like he really doesn't, "but why are you so concerned with replacing one of us anyways? You yourself have said that everything's fine as it is."

"No," she stops again, "I said things were acceptable as is, I have always intended to replace the three of them with those more suitable."

"And you think that…" He sighs through his nose. "You think a sixteen-year-old girl throwing around that kind of power won't – I don't know – cause problems?"

"Need I remind you what Erudite has done for you? That we elevated you and everyone else to your current positions? You were just about her age when you joined us and people have had similar doubts about you; but I have, as I always have, moved forward with my plans regardless and have let you keep your position."

"No…I remember…but…all I'm saying is that she doesn't exactly demonstrate the sort of skills necessary for a job like this."

Jeanine turns on him and steps forward, making him step back. "Are you insinuating that myself and the others involved in this decision have chosen an unsuitable candidate?" Her voice holds a dangerous edge to it, and one that I've actually never heard before. Even when she's been upset with my siblings and I in the past she's always been gentle with us.

"No, no, not at all." Yes, he absolutely was. "All I'm saying is that…she's smart, sure, but she's…weak. She's gets attached to petty things, she doesn't handle herself like a Dauntless at all . Honestly I'm more worried that the people of Dauntless won't respect her than anything else."

"Then I suppose it will be your job to ensure that they do. She's stronger than you think. She wouldn't have come here if she weren't."

Eric scoffs. "Do you actually believe that or are you just, like...saying that because she's-" Jeanine's silhouette inclines her head and I can feel the whithering glare she's giving him from here.

I want to step out, but then they'll know that I've been listening to their whole conversation. But I have so many questions, and I haven't seen Jeanine in months. If nothing else I'd like to wish her a happy birthday. But the decision is made for me when they walk away. I slip out of the alcove when their footsteps have faded down another hallway completely. What in the world does Jeanine want with Dauntless? And what did she mean about Eric owing everything he is to her?

I'm sure it's none of my concern; politics and city plans that I have no reason to be worried about, but I'm Divergent. Whatever the two of them are planning, it will affect me in some way I'm sure.

There's another thing that I'm sure of: it would be a very, very bad idea to ever tell anyone that I'm Divergent.