Chapter Twenty-Seven

Tower Trips – NSFW

Greagoir and Irving were talking at the entry to the tower when we walked in.

They looked at me with wide smiles and I noticed Cullen near the doors that had once been barred. He beamed and started to make his way over when he spotted me.

I smiled softly at him, "Hi Cullen."

He leaned in and kissed me – not seeming to care about all the people watching us.

When he pulled away, Irving and Greagoir cleared their throats. I chuckled, "We need mages, Lyrium and a few Templars in Redcliff. Possessed child needs saving and you need to deal with Jowan in the dungeons there. Granted, we need his testimony for the Landsmeet, but otherwise, he's all yours."

Greagoir nodded happily, "Apprehending that Maleficar is truly a feat. Thank you for that – of course we will help you save the boy."

I beamed, "Perfect! How long will it take to get things ready?"

Irving spoke smoothly, "Give us two days to collect everything and get the boat ready. In the meantime, we've fixed the guest quarters – you can make yourself at home there."

I gave an amused look, "I do believe I will be rooming with my husband, but Sten, Elissa and Alistair can take the guest floor."

Greagoir laughed, "It's odd to think you two are actually married now – I was pushing for it for months and now that it's happened…"

I chuckled, "Speaking of, Cullen – I know who I want to use my free pass with!"

My whole group froze and Cullen flushed bright red causing Greagoir and Irving to ask softly about the free pass. I heard Elissa explain while Cullen stammered out, "W-w-who?"

I smiled, "A beautiful Rivaini pirate in Denerim. If it helps, you'll get to meet her later on…"

He cleared his throat several times before muttering, "I did say… I mean that is… Makers' Breath – how can I say no?"

"Well, it's easy – if you say no, then I don't do it. Here's a drawn picture of what she looks like… somewhat." I handed him a picture of her look from DA2. He looked at it and said, "I… I really don't think I can say no, my love."

I grinned, catching the meaning, "Oh, I could wait to be with her until you could join us… would you like that?"

He groaned, "You're going to be the death of me. I'm not sure I could…"

"Hmm… I think I'll wait to use my pass, then. Unless you think I could get her to convince you later…"

I was teasing him now – and he knew it. Alistair was redder than Cullen was as he listened to this. Elissa looked intrigued as she laughed, "Wait – this is what you were talking about when you said men like the idea of two women together?"

"I'm not the only one of us that has considered this, Lis. I believe you said that you would keep this in mind?"

Alistairs' eyes bugged and he coughed. Elissa flushed, "I… well… You're a bitch."

I winked at her, "Maybe I'll let you and Alistair have the Pirate this time… I know she'd like you both very much."

Elissa glared at me but didn't say anything. Alistair stammered, "That is… I mean, I… I love Elissa…"

Elissa looked startled – he hadn't said it yet, had he? I smiled, "And if she wants to bed the Pirate?"

Elissa – playing along to see what he would say – said, "I mean… it could be interesting…"

"Interesting she says – like it's a good book or maybe a pastry? Well, I'll say it – I am a weak, weak man. For you, I'll play along." He was flustered – he was still only about half-hardened, so he was still half squishy, happy go-lucky boy.

Elissa looked amused, but happy at the same time. I shrugged, "That settles that – no Isabela for me for a while. Oh, well – a later date then. I'm happy enough with Cullen that if he takes away the Free Pass, I won't be upset anyway."

Cullen smiled at that and kissed my head. Sten looked questioningly at me, "Why would you need his permission?"

I stood up a bit straighter, "Because I love him, respect him and care for him. He is my closest Kadan. I made vows to him – you recall them, I hope?"

He nodded and repeated my vows to me, "You said through wellness and illness, prosperity and poverty, times of joy and sorrow – to stand with him no matter the obstacle."

I nodded, "Love is something we mere mortals need. There was a study in my last life, if you wish to hear it."

He nodded solemnly, "Shanedan."

"It was called Frederick's Experiment. Back in the thirteenth century, the German king, Frederick II, conducted an experiment intended to discover what language children would naturally grow up to speak if never spoken to. Obviously, he thought it would be his home language called German. Things weren't well developed in that time period – most of the advances came in the 20th century. I was born in the last 5 years of that century and grew up in the 21st century so I lived a pretty decent life."

"How did this experiment go?" Cullen asked – we had all begun moving through the tower – heading for the mess hall for dinner.

"King Frederick took babies from their mothers at birth and placed them in the care of nurses who were forbidden to speak in their hearing. The nurses were not allowed to touch the infants. To his great dismay, Frederick's experiment was cut short, but not before something tragically significant regarding humanoid nature was revealed. As you may have guessed, the babies grew up to speak no language at all because they died."

Alistairs voice was thick with horror, "What – why?"

"The answer wasn't discovered until 1248 – a few years later. An Italian historian named Salimbene di Adam recorded, with an air of scientific observation, 'They could not live without petting'… the babies literally died for want of touch."

Sten spoke stoically, "Touch?"

"It's called 'failure to thrive'. Humans, elves and dwarves flourish under the influence of love and gradually die without it. Love can actually encourage mental, emotional and physical health. Anything that promotes feelings of love and intimacy is healing; anything that promotes isolation, separation, loneliness, loss, hostility, anger, cynicism, depression, alienation, and related feelings often leads to suffering, disease, and premature death from all causes – a direct quote from Dean Ornish, in his book Love and Survival, page 29."

"You remember the page?" Wynne asked. I nodded, "I remember every detail of everything that I read, see, hear or smell… I have eidetic memory. It's difficult – I have to compartmentalize information a lot of the time – like a journal, I'll have to actually go back and look at the page to remember; the page is just in my brain so I can look at it whenever I want."

I glanced at Sten, "Your Viddithari people were never acquired as infants, were they?"

He shook his head, "The infants raised by Tamassrans always died if they were not Qunari. We never knew why."

"That is your answer, Sten – you raised them without touch and love. Viddithari convert mostly for a place to belong – acceptance and finding their own Kadan when they had none. Humans, Dwarves and Elves need love to survive. Love can be a stronger force than hate if used right. Cullen would walk right through the Darkspawn Horde to save my life – especially knowing what Spawn do to women. For most others, he'd make a tactical retreat to save others over one person. But love can do quite a bit more than make someone stupid. I've seen an example where a grandmother lifted two or three horses' worth of weight – an amount she should never have been able to lift – to save her grandchild. When mixing love and adrenalin – the chemical in your brain that activates in battle – you can do extraordinary things. Love has no place in the Qun; and that is why the Qun has yet to conquer the world. Humans will win out so long as love exists."

Sten looked thoughtful, "You are saying the Qun is Inferior?"

"No – I'm saying that lave is something the Qun will never have and as such Humans will continue to win. Love can make some people stronger than they should be. You will always underestimate your opponent when you don't understand their driving force. Some people will kidnap a child to force the parent into submission – but that can backfire. Some people will bend the laws of nature itself to save a child. I wouldn't suggest taking a child from me for example – I'd use weapons, elements and the very fade to get my child back. I would commandeer magic if I thought I needed it. It's not impossible to gain or lose magic – just very difficult."

Sten nodded, "To take a Kadan from you would be a death wish. You already fight like an Ataashi – in sparring. To go against you for real would be death."

I nodded firmly as we finally reached the Mess Hall. "To go against me is to put the world in danger – I would stop at nothing to save my people: Killing a dragon, tearing the Veil asunder, saving the whole world, curing the blight or even 'creating' space travel. You have little idea what I am truly capable of. The things I have made so far are minor things that already existed in my first world – imagine horseless carriages that could speed across Ferelden in a few hours. Picture a weapon that uses something similar to blackpowder and can be held in ones' hand. I could make a bomb that would kill the whole of Thedas – we call it nuclear bombs."

He looked interested, "Tell me about this blackpowder weapon?"

I shook my head, "This world is so not ready for those; maybe one day, but not now."

He looked like a pouty kid for a moment before his mask indifference slid back onto his face. I smirked as we sat to eat the chicken dish that had been served.

Cullen put his arm around my waist as he sat next to me. I leaned in and kissed him softly on the cheek.

Elissa spoke as we ate, "So… What is the plan for after we take care of Connor?"

I sighed, "We go on an adventure. Brecillian forest for the Dalish, to Denerim for information, circling around from there to hit Soldiers Peak on our way south to Schuler's Pass, down to Haven, through Honnleath for a Golem, back to Redcliff to cure the Arl, double back to go recruit the Dwarves, triple back to Redcliff with all our Allies, back to Denerim for a Landsmeet before the big boss battle. We have to kill Flemeth and go through Ostagar before hitting the Forest just so that we save time on this long trip."

Alistair sputtered, "We're going to kill the Witch of the Wilds?!"

The whole table seemed to freeze. I nodded slowly, "Yes, Alistair – We're going to kill the woman who saved us from the Tower of Ishal. Don't worry – she'll live over it."

"That's not confusing at all," Elissa quipped. I laughed, "She used her magic to attach part of herself to an amulet that has left the country already. Killing her just means we make sure she stays at one body – not two; balance."

"Why didn't you kill her before – prevent her from…?"

I shook my head at Greagoirs words, "Flemeth is chaotic neutral – she does things to keep the balance. I couldn't kill her then because the future savior of Kirkwall would die – and thus Cullen and I would die too. I couldn't prevent her from saving herself or in ten years the world will fucking burn – veil torn, breach in the sky and the only person who could save the world would be dead. Flemeth is like a goddess – she's needed. I let her do her own thing for the most part, but there needs to be a balance. Also, I'd be asserting my dominance by showing I can kill her."

Sten nodded, "Dominance is a good thing if you can keep it."

"Flemeth can turn into a dragon though, so Sten is coming with me."

"Why not use your mind-killing ability?" Irving asked.

"… It won't work on her. She's more than 600 years old – 630 actually. Not to mention, the tales about her being an abomination are half-true. It's not a demon or spirit that she holds however… it's an ancient Elvhen Creator."

"Mythal…" Elissa breathed. I nodded, "Astute of you to recall that I mentioned meeting Mythal, Elissa."

"It was her or the Dread Wolf, like you said – but you also said you haven't met him yet."

I smiled, "Indeed – do not tell Theron that Asha'bellanar is Mythal."

Cullen looked amazed, "The Elves were right?"

"Not exactly – the Dalish worship the Creators as gods when… they were actually just very powerful mages that bend and shape the world to their whims. Evanuris is the word they used. There were 9 of them and of those 9 only Fen'Harel – the Dread Wolf – never took slaves. He actively fought Slavery – going so far as to remove the Vallaslin from those who wore it. Vallaslin is used to honor the Creators now but they used to be slave marks. Again, Elissa, do not tell Theron."

Wynne sputtered, "But… you wear Vallaslin!"

I nodded sagely, "Mythals' Vallaslin. She and Fen were the only two decent Creators there were after a time. Elgar'nan was Mythals' husband, Creator of Vengeance and the Sun. Sylaise was Hearth and Home. June of the Craft, the one who's Vallaslin I should be wearing. Andruil of the Hunt whose Vallaslin Theron wears. Falon'din was the friend of the Dead and guide for all souls. Dirthamen was the Keeper of Secrets and Knowledge. When Marethari offered me Vallaslin, she offered Dirthamen, June, Mythal and Falon'din."

"But why did you allow Vallaslin when they are slave marks?" Cullen asked.

I sighed, "Because there was no Vallaslin for Fen'Harel – the rebel god who fought against slavery. These days, the marks are not slave marks. Over time, things can be repurposed. I respect Mythal quite a bit. She encouraged Fen to free the slaves. Unlike the other pretender gods, she was a voice of reason and genuinely cared for her people. Mythals' fellow elven gods killed her in their lust for power. This act was the final straw that led the Dread Wolf to banish them – sealing them behind his creation of the Veil as they could not be easily killed. Mythal was reduced to a wisp of what she was, and came to Flemeth in her time of need. Thus the famed Witch of the Wilds, who is in fact the possessed form of Mythal, came to be. She seeks justice for what was lost – you see why I resonate with them so strongly?"

Cullen nodded slowly, "One stood for justice and one against slavery – both are things you value."

I smiled at him softly, "More like both stood for Justice and protecting those who could not protect themselves. Fen'Harel was… had I lived in Arlathan as an Elf, I would surly have fought by his side and helped him to create the Veil."

Elissa sighed, "I have a question – going off topic."

I nodded, "Go ahead."

"You said we had to stop at a place called Soldiers' Peak. Why?"

I blinked, "Oh! Well, it used to be an old Warden base and now the place is crawling with demons. If we don't clear the peak, they join the Horde."

Cullens' arm tightened on my waist, "Will… will you be okay?"

I gave him a funny look, "Hmm? Oh, for sure – immune to demons and I know what to expect. My group will be fine…"

He nodded, "Good. So, since we are all finished eating and it's pretty late…"

I beamed, "I would love to sleep in a bed. That boat was so not comfy unless we all slept in a puppy pile."

Sten shrugged, "It was necessary."

"Indeed – but anyway, I owe Sten a sparring match first, then we can go to bed."

Greagoir cleared his throat, "What should we do with the Dojo?"

"I can convert it into a Shower Room. Split two ways, one for men and one for women… with an area in the middle to store towels and bath soaps as needed."

Irving asked, "You mean making the shower areas larger so they encompass the whole of the Dojo?"

I nodded, "Most of the Dojo – just the area in front of the door would have the slipper area so that people would have shower shoes, and the area for the linens and soaps."

Greagoir nodded, "It's not a bad idea – people have been very happy with the showers…"

"I'll remove the password enchantment and alter the room tomorrow. Sten and I will spar on the Templar floor for the night."

They both nodded and I stood, Cullen and Sten following me up to the fifth floor.

The next morning, I woke before the sun peaked over the horizon. Cullens' arms were tight around me as he groaned and sobbed softly from behind me.

I twisted to face him and saw tears on his face. My name slipped from his lips in an agonized whisper. I lifted my hand to cup his cheek, causing his eyes to snap open.

"Maker… did I wake you, love?"

I shook my head and kissed him, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I've heard… some people talk about… nightmares after an ordeal – how it's always the same, but… not mine…"

I nodded, "I know – I get them too on occation. It's been years since… I started remembering the stuff with Michael and Cole, but… the abuse lingers."

He held me tighter before relaxing his grip – like a hug. "Sometimes I recall exactly what they did to me – and the words they spoke… Uldred talking about how he was impressed with my will; how he relished the thought of breaking me because of how strong I was. I recall him casually talking about what he would do when you were under his thumb – how he would start by taking over Ferelden because Loghain was a fool… then he would take on other countries. He wanted to start a new Tevinter Imperium under his rule."

I stroked his arm, trying to comfort him as he continued, "Then there are the ones that never happened… I see Uldred… taking you – in the way a man would be with his wife… he talked about it; having you like some kind of prize. I see him torturing you when you don't agree to him. I watch as he kills you… those are the worst ones – being helpless to save you."

I knew my voice was thick with unshed tears as I said, "It would never happen, my love. Uldred would have died before I let him touch me. Even if he threatened us both, I am yours. It may sound terrible, but I would have let him kill us both before I let him touch me."

He kissed me and said, "It does sound terrible, but… it also makes me feel better. That you wouldn't allow him that just to save me…"

"I suffered that enough in my last life – it's not something I will allow in this one. If it came down to it, I would watch this world burn before that."

He nodded, "Are we terrible people for that? That we both agree, I mean…"

I shook my head, "People can only take so much, my love. And if knowing I am only yours helps, then I will never use that free pass. I like Bela, but I love you."

He chuckled, "I actually can't stop thinking about you being with the pirate woman…"

"She'd have no issue with you joining us – I can promise you that. You are very good looking… and I think it may be arousing to see you with her…"

He flushed, "You would… like that?"

I shrugged, "You should feel how aroused I am just thinking about it…"

Desire lit his eyes as his hand trailed along my body – I had successfully distracted him from his nightmares.

I whimpered when his finger slipped into me. He groaned, "Maker…"

His lips descended on mine passionately. His thumb rubbed slow, torturous circles on my clit as two of his fingers moved within me. I nipped at his lower lip. He growled and sucked mine into his mouth to nibble on.

I kissed my way to his chest, allowing my teeth and tongue to tease him. My hand trailed to his hard length between us and gripped firmly. He hissed a breath and his own rhythm faltered. I soon found myself on my back as I stroked him. I allowed my thumb to wipe at the moisture on the head of his member – his hips jerked.

"Makers' Breath; I need you… my love – my wife." He groaned.

I gave him a playful look, "What are you waiting for then, husband?"

His hooded eyes scanned my face with a loving look full of passion. He moved swiftly to position himself atop me, causing me to let go of him as my legs spread around him.

He gripped himself; rubbing the tip against my slit and causing me to gasp and arch my back. I loved the feeling of him against my clit – and he knew it.

After a moment, he slid home causing us both to groan in need. He had already been covered in sweat from his nightmare, but I swear more appeared at the effort of not fucking me hard and fast.

I mewled, "Cullen, please…" I lifted one of my legs as I bit my lip. I didn't stop at his waist. Shock lit his eyes as I managed to hook it around his shoulder. He slid deeper into me and gasped, "Maker! What…?"

"I… I need it… hard… deep… please, Cullen…" I whimpered. He nodded and pulled out to the very tip before hesitating. Seeing my pleading face, he slammed back in. I moaned, "Yes!"

He growled, "You like that?"

"Oh, I love it – I love you!" I cried as he did it again. He leaned in to kiss me, pressing my leg against me. My hips jerked.

"I miss you… every time you leave…" he gasped.

I let my head tilt back, "Oh, Gaia – me too, Cullen… oh, yes…"

He moved harder within me. I loved when he used dirty talk – he rarely did, but it happened on occation, "Tell me – tell me how much you like it."

"Oh – Cullen… I love it… it makes me… feel so… good. Ah – feeling you… in me…" I panted. I was already getting so close that my words trailed off. He leaned his forehead against mine as he slammed into me over and over.

His hips shifted slightly and that was all it took – my control snapped as frost coated my hands while they fisted in the sheets. My body warmed and tensed before seizing in a climax. My teeth clamped on his arm beside my head to keep from screaming out. I heard Cullen groan as my walls tightened around him.

My leg moved away from his shoulder – falling to his hips as his thrusting sped up. "Maker, Valeria – the way you make me feel…" he groaned.

I gave a shaky laugh, "Look who's talking. Oh…" I was caught off guard as he sat us both up. I instantly began moving against him as I sat in his lap. He moved too. The rhythm was slower and softer but no less passionate.

He kissed me before trailing his lips to my neck to nip and suckle – marking me as his. The action made a spike of desire shoot through me as he held me tight against him. My head fell back as I moved slightly faster.

He growled, "I love you – maker – so much…"

"Yes… Cullen, I'm yours… only yours…" I felt him start to tense at my words, and he bit hard into my throat to quite his moan. It sent me over the edge once more – electricity shooting between us, causing his teeth to dig in harder.

We sat like that for a few moments; just gathering our wits and enjoying the aftershocks as he held me and kissed me softly.

Then, we collapsed – back to the position we started in when we woke up. It was an hour later when the sun started to come over the horizon. He and I watched the Lake glisten in the early morning light.

His voice was rough as he rumbled out, "There is something we haven't talked about lately…"

I hummed, "What's that?"

"We haven't been… using protection. Not that I know of – no herbs and we certainly don't… pull out… what if you swell with child?"

I gave a light chuckle, "I am taking precautions during the Blight, my love. And I'm not in my fertile time at the moment. Sure, no protection – magic or otherwise – is completely effective, but at the moment, a child isn't likely. Do you want a baby?"

He scoffed, "With you; always. I just worry with you being out there fighting."

"Mmmh – though we do have to consider the possibility of a mage child. There are many factors. The Vane family recently had mage blood added – the minor Vane branch that married into the Sage family and bore me. If we conceived certain places where the veil is thinner, that adds to the chances. And the more recently you took Lyrium adds to that too."

He looked startled, "Really? Lyrium…"

"Why do you think so many Templars have Mage children? Greagoir has a mage son, though he's unaware that his son is a mage. He doesn't even know his sons' name… think about that."

"The mother was a Mage – so the son got taken away?"

I nodded, "Greagoir has been very discreet in his love of the woman – not even Irving knows."

"Well, we'd have a few years until we knew for sure… unless you have a vision, of course."

"If I did, I wouldn't tell you." He blinked in shock, "What?"

"This is the one thing I would fight you on, Cullen… and it needs to be said. I want babies – I want a whole damn brood. If a child we bore had magic, I would never see it after a time. I can't do that – I'm not strong enough to carry a child, raise it for a few years and lose it. It would break me to know I lost a child and they were still alive somewhere. The parents are never told where their child is sent, they are never notified about major events like Harrowings or promotions of status. I'd spend the rest of my life wondering what became of our child – were they happy, healthy, and taken care of or loved? Was my child bullied or did high ups take advantage? You wouldn't know either, Cullen."

He looked torn, "But… they would get the training they would need…"

I moved off of him, "No – Circles were great ideas in the beginning; people were still able to interact with their 'lost' children and siblings. Mages were taught and not oppressed despite what caused the circles in the first place. Andraste never wanted this – I should damn well know, since I've seen visions of the past! Cullen… the circles have become corrupt. Are we done talking about this?"

"You've seen Andraste?" he asked.

"That's beside the point at the moment. If our child was a mage, what would you do?"

He sighed, "I… I'd have to do my duty, of course. You would too – as a Seeker."

"No – I would rather live on the run than turn over my child. I'm not as strong as I play at being, Cullen. I get attatched to the people I care for – the people I love. Losing a child in that way would break me. If I so much as suspected our child would have magic, I would run if I wasn't sure my child was safe. I love you Cullen – but I will always put my child first. If I felt my child wasn't safe – no matter whom the danger was – I would protect them."

He looked stunned, "And if we had other children?"

"I'd take them too – because the chantry would attempt to take them as siblings to a mage when I wasn't there. Your influence wouldn't matter. I might be able to convince the Divine to allow me to keep my babies as someone who is immune to demons, though. I would go that route first, Cullen. I wouldn't just leave you if there were other options."

He nodded, "I… I understand. Thank you… for being upfront with me…"

"Now – knowing all this, do you still want…?"

"Maker – of course I want kids, Valeria. During A Blight is not the best time though…"

I chuckled, "Of course not – I have many fights ahead of me, after all. I wouldn't want to risk losing our baby but I can't sit back thanks to my vow."

He nodded and said, "You're right… perhaps when you come to Kirkwall…"

I snorted, "After we find out why you might regret marrying me. I'm terrified about that, Cullen – I don't know what I'll do to cause that hurt in your eyes…"

"Hey – I already swore I'd talk to you about it, didn't I? And since we have the sending stones, I may even be able to tell you before you arrive in Kirkwall so that scene never happens. I love you, Valeria – and if I can help it I will never leave you."

I smiled at him, "Fair enough; so after we figure out the cause of that… we can start on making a family."

He kissed me softly, "I can't wait, my love."

"Nor I," I whispered.