Chapter 30:
It wasn't long before back-up generators brought the lights back to life. When all of our eyes adjusted to the light, we saw all the bots standing as they were. Statues. I approached what was the Headmaster and looked at her. Taking the sonic, I scanned her to see if she somehow survived. There was nothing but a hollow shell. A heap of metal. Gregory knew this already, tears streaming down his face.
"I'm sorry," I whispered to the Headmaster, "I'm so sorry."
I saw a blur in my peripheral. River was on the computer as it booted back up, clacking away.
"What are you doing?" I asked quietly.
"Overriding the system before it can revert to its original status. If it does, Gregory will still have the only passwords to override everything. He could reboot the bots, make them come back. But you're not going to do that are you, Mr. Davies?"
I looked at him, curled up on the floor. I knew his pain. Losing what felt like was your entire world. I use to mourn for what I thought was nothing, yet I had lost everything. My father, my race, my ancestors' planet, and I never knew. He at least got to live out years with his 'world'. I'll never have the chance.
I looked up at Benny, who was holding back emotions. They were rippling underneath his stone face. I'm sure to River he appeared unmoved, but I could tell. He hadn't even looked at me since the lights came back up. He needed time to process. I know my words probably stung a nerve, a fresh one at that. I hadn't meant to hurt him. I only said the truth.
"Almost done," River said, interrupting the silence. I went to her side, watching her maneuver through so many dialog boxes on the monitor. I couldn't keep up. The boxes were blinking from one to the next until the screen was blank. She sat back with a smile.
"Is it over?" I asked.
"Just one more thing." She brought one single box back up and typed in something. She hit the enter button and the box blinked away. There was a beeping all around the room. I glanced at River and she simply put one finger to her lips. The beeping stopped and one final robotic voice filled the room.
"You are finally free." was all it said.
"Did that reach everyone?" I asked.
"Can't you hear them cheering?" River sang.
I closed my eyes. All the voices started to create a hum outside the walls. I couldn't stop from smiling. I reached out for River's hand. She squeezed my fingers and let out a joyous laugh. The joy started to wash away as reality hit me. The main reason we were here.
"River, is there a chance you could help me with one more thing?"
"Are you sure you don't wanna come with us? There's more than enough room."
Her smile was kind, but I could already hear the "no" coming. "I appreciate the offer. I do. But I think this is where we part ways."
"I understand why my father chose you."
"That's very kind. Speaking of your father, I hope that part helps you reach him. And when you find him, tell him I'm looking for him."
"Of course." I couldn't help but smile at her. A feeling stirred in me, something saying that I would see her again. I pushed it down, even though the thought made me happy. She had this way about her that made you need her presence surrounding you. She looked over my shoulder at Benny, who was standing in the doorway of the TARDIS. He still hadn't broke his silence since everything went down. River waved towards him. A small smile graced his face as he gave a slight nod of the head.
"He's a good boy. Your father chose him for a reason. Just give him time. He'll come around," she condoled.
"I know."
"You are so much like your father. I can't wait for you to meet him. I'm sure he'll love meeting you. I was so fortunate to run into you, Lilian Tyler," she said, her little blue book cradled to her chest. "I can't wait to write about you."
"I hope it's nothing but good things."
"The best. Now, go and save the world. The Doctor needs you."
Pulling me into a hug, my muscles collapsed into her. I felt tears start to well up in my eyes. For a moment, just a moment, it felt as if my mum was here. As if I was surrounded by home. I didn't want to let go. She pulled away first and wiped at my tears.
"Goodbye, Sweetie." She leaned in close and placed a gentle, tender kiss on my wet cheek. Without another word, she disappeared. Turning to Benny, he motioned for me to come inside.
The TARDIS had been silent for hours. We were slowly spinning in space, no destination in the system. I sat alone in my captain's chair, staring at the glowing light from the center tower. I had yet to call and update Jack about the part, or check in with Mum and David. I didn't have the energy to fill them in on everything yet. Especially when Benny still had yet to speak to me. Was there any coming back from this for us?
"Tea?"
I turned to see Benny with two cups of tea steaming in his hand. I managed a smile. "Sure."
He came closer and handed me the one. I blew on the steam, stirring the tea bag. He leaned against the center tower, facing me.
"Thank you," I smiled, motioning to the tea.
"Red, I'm gonna save some time and jump in. I'm not mad at you. I know you probably think after all you said that I am. But I'm not-"
"I wouldn't blame you for being angry with me," I interrupted.
"Just...let me finish," he pleaded. I gave a slight nod. "I thought I was angry. After telling you everything, it felt like you were throwing it back in my face. I know it was meant for Gregory, but I was in his place at one point in time. I tried to change everything for one person. I'm thankful my decision didn't have as huge of an impact as his did, but it could've. I could've caused so much more pain. For what? Simply because I was selfish? I wanted to change her fate for my own reasons. See, I wasn't changing the universe solely for her, it was for me. If I had Talia, I could've been...normal. Lived day in and out with a woman I cared for, raising a family, following orders. Then you could've left when you showed up on Sector 67. You wouldn't had to go through everything you did on the Sector, for me. You could've left with no attachments. Found someone else. I'm sure there's plenty of willing companions out there-"
"Benny-"
"I'm almost done. I promise. Growing up, watching my mother grieve your father, I always carried this animosity for her. How she abandoned my father, me. She became this empty person, constantly searching for more, wanting more. But then I went with him, and I was left by him as well. Then I understood. Time Lords can show you this vast universe, so many possibilities but it never lasts. They are such lonely beings. Lonely gods simply looking for someone to have, even if just for a moment. Forever moving from one person to the next til their time expires. You will outlive me. I'll decay and wither and you'll simply change your face and continue on. I didn't want-"
He stopped. He looked down at his feet, unable to meet my eyes anymore. His voice was wavering long before he stopped. I wanted to say something, anything, but I didn't know what to say. He cleared his throat, gathered himself and raised his eyes back to mine.
"I didn't want to do this, to come with you." My hearts dropped.
"What?"
"I didn't want to come with you because I knew I wouldn't want to stop, even though I know there will be a day when I have to. I didn't want to go through the pain of losing this, losing you. So I tried to keep Talia, to keep my simpler life. I was selfish. I didn't want you to hurt me, so in turn I almost hurt you."
"But you didn't. Benny, I could have never made it this far without you. I don't even want to imagine this all without you."
He released a small chuckle and blinked back tears. "You still don't get it. I thought I was angry because of what you said, but I was angry because I didn't learn. Lilian, I'd tear apart this universe to get you to your father, to save you. Even if it meant defying death, defying the universe's laws. I'd create paradoxes to save you."
It was me who couldn't look at him now. My tea had gone cold in my hands but I gripped it tighter.
"I haven't learned," he repeated. "For you, I'd do anything."
I didn't even know how to start what I needed to say. I tossed the words around in my head, searching for an easier way but I needed to be blunt. Tell him the truth...because that's what he was doing for me.
"Benny, I meant what I said. About letting go and moving on. I couldn't do what Gregory did. I won't. There's a reason my mother never told the Doctor about me. All of time and space wouldn't have stopped him from getting to me. She sacrificed everything she wanted for everyone else. And I can't ignore that. I can't go against what she stood for. So I said I'd protect the living. And as far as I'm concerned, I'm not letting you die. Not until you're nothing but gray and wrinkles. I'm not going to tear apart the universe for you because I'm not gonna let anything like that happen to you, yeah? Nothing."
There was a long silence between us. Everything was there on the table. I didn't know where we went from here. Was there even a "we" to go from? Would he ask to go back home? I didn't even want to know, but I had to. I let all the words sit around us, waiting for him to make the move. So he could call the shots on his own life. It was hard, the waiting. It only lasted a few seconds but when you do what we do, time feels relative. Why'd everything have to feel so raw, fragile? I didn't know how to feel, honestly. It was like if I took too deep of a breath, everything may crack.
"So, um," Benny started, trying to break any of the silence building.
"Yeah?"
"Return of the Jedi. It better than Empire?"
And just like that, everything was good. Felt solid. Our own personal fragile universe restored. I couldn't help but laugh. "Spoilers."
A/N: Whoa, I don't know how I managed two chapters this close, back to back, but I hope they're treating you guys well! There's more in store, the next one will be a doosey. Hope you guys enjoy! Cosplay work is calling me, so I'll see you guys soonish. The song for this one is Looking Up by Paramore. I was trying to find the perfect song, something sad and filled with emotions, but then I realized, why not be happy about it all? Here's to looking up.