Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I do not own Legend of the Five Rings. No financial gain is made from this. This is for entertainment purposes only.
Spring was upon them again and she had more flowers now to choose from to offer Matsu in her new shrine. The light crossed the windows pristine and hit the glorious new marble statue. It was bigger and more imposing.
Sumi hesitated before she lit up the candles and the incense and she focused her chakra to call forth the woman it represented. She knew Matsu would not appear unless she wanted to, so she waited with impatience.
She heard a low growl and jumped when she felt the caress of a ghost in her shoulder.
"You called me?" Matsu, leader of the Matsu clan, asked.
Sumi bowed and sputtered nonsense. Maybe this was a bad idea. "I... um... I need advice," she blurted.
"I hope my wisdom can guide you. What is that you wish to know?"
Sumi glanced at the spirit. "I... how do you deal with amorous feelings?"
Matsu, in her 400 years of afterlife, was for once out of words. Her eyes grew wide and took a step back. "What-why do you come to me for that advice?"
Sumi averted her eyes to the side. Definitely a bad idea. "I thought you were the wisest... and I had not many other options."
Matsu sighed. "You've grown bold. Anyways, my advice is always the same. Be courageous. It always pays off to be brave." Sumi nodded. "Follow your instincts. It worked for me, at least." She sauntered back to her statue. "Good luck. And by the way, stop with the purple flowers. I hate that color."
Sumi pursed her lips.
Matsu's words did not take away the flutter of excitement that shook her body when she thought of Kakashi. It had become unbearable, a hindrance to her work. For sometimes he stood close to her and she could feel his body heat and she flustered. Other times he touched her, brief innocent moments when he would place his hand in her back to guide her, or in her arm, but that they set her on fire. She sought the contact, counted the chances, fantasized with taking it further. Especially at night, her hormones got the best of her and she dreamt of becoming a woman.
Sumi sighed as she lighted another candle and called to her world another old friend.
"Hime!" Chizuki's bubbly voice resonated in her ears. "Wait, no, Sumi was your real name. Sumi!"
Chizuki held the same childish body Sumi had long outgrown. Those were easier times, she reflected. "Chizuki, I need your help."
Chizuki sat down cross legged in her own tomb stone. "Of course, Sumi. You should come visit me more."
Sumi laughed apologetic. "I will try." She turned serious. "Listen, how do you know if a boy - a man - you like likes you back?"
Chizuki clapped excitedly. "You like a boy! How is he? Does he have dark hair and dreamy eyes? I think you would fit with someone like that. Like the heroine of a book falling for the brooding hero. Wait, but maybe there is another guy in the mix. Someone caring that takes away the pain that-"
"Chizuki," Sumi interrupted her. "What do you do in these situations?"
Chizuki pondered. "I guess the easier would be to just ask. But never do that!" she exclaimed. "It needs to be him that makes the first-step. That it's very important. I read a book where a girl confessed her feelings and she was turned down. It only works if the guy comes first and kisses you and declares his love."
Sumi frowned. "And how do I do that?"
Chizuki's face closed in thought. "I guess you could put yourself in great danger... or make him jealous..."
Sumi shook her head and stood up. "I see... I need to go now."
"Will you come visit me again?"
Sumi nodded.
"Promise?"
"Promise."
Sumi walked then to the Nara district, trying to find a door she had since long not knocked.
"Sumi?" her sister Chiyo asked surprised. "Come in, come in. How have you been?"
They had not spoken in four years. "Good and you?"
"We are good. I don't know if the others told you. I am waiting a baby!" she exclaimed with a big smile.
Sumi's face lighted up. "That's great news! Congratulations!"
Chiyo guided her to a simple living room and offered her tea. Sumi made small talk until she found the courage to address the reason of her visit. "Sister, how do you find love?"
Chiyo blinked. "Well, it finds you!"
Sumi played with the cookie in her hand. "And what do you do when it does?"
Chiyo smiled, "You accept it."
Sumi raised her head and both sisters shared a lost connection. "Thank you," she whispered, blushing.
"Sumi," Chiyo called. "You know my door will always be open for you. I know we had our differences in the past and that mother..." Sumi nodded. "But now I am going to be a mother," she caressed timidly her belly, "and I understand things that I did not before. No child should be alone. So I will be here for you."
Sumi felt a tear roll down her cheek and she wiped it fast. Ninjas do not cry.
"Are you okay?"
She looked up and came nose-to-nose with Kakashi. The setting sun casted oranges over the riverbank, where she had wandered in her way back home. In this light, his hair looked whiter and his eyes sharper.
She took the advice gathered to heart: courage, foolishness and trueness.
"Kakashi," she paused, committing to her memory the attractive lines of his face, "I think I love you," she whispered. Her heart stopped.
She saw emotions she could not read pass by his eyes. He took a step closer. His hand reached out and she wanted to lean into it but he tugged a loose strand of hair behind her ear. His breathing quickened and hers stopped.
"Are you sick or something? You say weird things," he joked, deciding for both of them what to do with her feelings. "I will see you tomorrow?"
Before she could answer, he walked past her. He had to, so she could not see his troubled sentiments. Because for once in their lives, she had the courage, the foolishness and the trueness needed that he lacked.
First she felt stupid and she took a day off to turn that emotion into anger. Who was he to ignore her affection like this? But her anger was a fleeting fire that lasted only a few uncomfortable days. After, she just hoped to regain normalcy, the happiness she had impulsively risked.
Only it was not there anymore. The days passed and she wondered why she was eating alone again, walking alone again, training alone again, crying alone again... He kept himself busy with Itachi and she was left alone to wonder if their friendship was over so easily.
"Sumi, remember what we spoke?" Kibo spoke during dinner. "You have been awfully absent these days. Is everything okay?" Of course Kibo knew what was wrong, but she needed the girl to open up.
But as usual, she got a forced smile and a head shake.
"I need you to think about it, because I am leaving in two weeks. There are a lot of preparations to make," Kibo insisted.
Sumi pushed her chair back, scraping the floor. "I am not hungry anymore," she excused herself from the table and left.
She knocked on his door with a confidence she discovered anew. It was late and he was already dressed to go to bed. "Sumi?" he asked confused. There was something in her eyes that did not fit.
He wanted to offer her to come inside but she spoke first, "I am leaving in two weeks," she blurted.
His eyes widened and she could see the sharingan reading her expression. "What?"
"Kibo was offered a high position in the Fire lord's guard. She asked me to come with her," she paused. She forced the rest of the words to come out, "If you cannot... if we cannot..." She sighed. "You know what I ask - I need - from you." Her hand rose on its own accord to land on his chest, but she stopped it and it just ghosted over between them. "If you cannot give it to me, just let me go," she pleaded.
He took her hand to stop it from trembling. He wanted to tell her to not leave, please. To explain her that he was healing, although he did not know if he would ever do. A fleeting thought even crossed his mind, to kiss her and end this problem. But instead he let go of her hand. "In two weeks," he repeated.
She nodded. She left.
He watched her. Then closed the door and leaned against it, his gaze on the ceiling, his thoughts elsewhere.
If only he could be equally courageous, foolish and true to himself.