Previously: Every thought Aria had had about moving on was undone by her actions tonight. Sex with Matt was nothing like sex with Ezra. She loved Ezra. She didn't love Matt. Tonight was a mistake. And little did she know that mistake would be one of the biggest of her life.
2008
Aria knew Ezra was home. His car was in the driveway and she could see a light on in the kitchen, yet she had knocked on his door several times and gotten no answer. Maybe texting him before she came over had been a bad idea.
It had been a week since she had slept with Matt and the guilt had not stopped eating her alive. She hated herself for what she had done. She needed to be back with Ezra. She needed the world to feel right again.
But Ezra was mad. Rumors of Aria and Matt had been floating around the school since New Years Eve. When Ezra heard them, he could hardly look at Aria in the hallway. No one knew they had slept together, but that didn't matter to Ezra. The simple fact that they were even flirting and going on dates was enough to kill him inside. Aria had been his first love…his only love. And if he was being honest, he was still madly in love with her. In fact, he had simply thought they were "taking a break" when she broke up with him shortly after Halloween so that she could get her life together. At least that's what she had told him. And though at the time it had been true, it was starting to seem to Ezra like she just needed an excuse to explore her options.
Well, she had and she didn't like it. Sleeping with Matt had been a huge mistake and Aria knew now more than ever that Ezra was the one. He always had been.
Movement behind the window on Ezra's front door caught Aria's eyes and sent her heart plummeting to her stomach. This was it.
The door swung open, revealing a very sleepy looking Ezra. His curls were wild and his t-shirt that he had worn to school was wrinkled. Clearly, he'd been taking a nap. The fact made Aria feel a little bit better. At least he wasn't blatantly ignoring her.
"Sorry," Ezra rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand. "I was asleep."
"No worries," Aria forced a nervous smile. She felt like she was talking to her crush for the first time. She was terrified. "Can I come in? I want to talk."
Ezra nodded and moved to the side, creating space for Aria to enter his foyer. She took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of his house for the first time in months. It brought some comfort to her trembling nerves. His house had always felt like a second home.
"Is anyone home?" She looked around, realizing the hadn't seen his mother or step-father's car in the driveway, but knowing that didn't rule out Wes to be running around somewhere.
"No," Ezra shook his head as he shut the door. "My mom took Wes to out for ice cream to celebrate a good test grade and Bryce is at work."
"Oh," Aria said. Good, Aria thought.
The two teens stood in silence for a moment, both taking in the fact that they hadn't been alone together since they broke up in November. It was February. It felt wrong, but Aria was determined to make it feel right again. She wouldn't let Ezra go without a fight.
"Can we sit down?" Aria asked after mustering up the courage to speak.
"Yeah," Ezra made a move for the staircase behind her. "Let's talk in my room."
They each moved at a snails pace up the stairs, nervous for the conversation they were about to have. Aria didn't know if Ezra even wanted to take her back. Ezra didn't know why Aria even wanted to talk if she had Matt. They had never been the best at communicating. Why would that start now?
Once they were settled in Ezra's room, Aria opened her mouth to speak. She needed to get the ball rolling and she wanted the floor to herself first.
"I'm sorry," She started, figuring that was the best place to begin.
Ezra raised an eyebrow, but didn't speak. He wanted an explanation before he decided if he was going to accept her apology or not.
"I'm sorry for pushing you away for so long," Aria sighed. "I…I seriously don't know why I did it. I thought I needed time after the whole Liam situation and I did, but I could've taken that time without being a bitch to you and freezing you out the way that I did."
"You were processing your emotions," Ezra shrugged, repeating the same fact that he had told himself several times to cope with her behavior. "I just wish you had told me that we were officially over instead of leading me on with the promise of getting back together when you were ready."
Aria looked to her shoes, "I never meant to lead you on."
"It wouldn't be the first time," Ezra laughed bitterly. "I'd do anything for you…including letting you walk all over me."
"Ezra," Aria picked at the skin around her fingernails. "Don't say that."
"It's true though," He defended his stance. "I really thought we were just on a break. I didn't look at anyone else. I didn't talk to anyone else. Then I find out that Matt Callahan was your New Year's kiss. Now you two are going on dates. I didn't realize that it would only take you a couple of months without me to move on with someone else."
Aria felt guilt course through her body. She never meant to hurt Ezra. And judging by the way he was looking at her, he meant every word he said. He would do anything for her. He'd let her walk all over him simply because he had been so in love with her. And she'd taken advantage of that.
Matt was a brief fling. He never satisfied her heart the way that Ezra had even before they ever dated. Matt gave her butterflies, but Ezra gave her true, bone-deep happiness. Deciding to get with Matt had been a dumb mistake on Aria's part. She was hurting from what happened to her on Halloween and instead of running to the one guy who gave her endless love and a sense of security, she ran to the shiny new toy because rebelling felt better in the moment. Well, that moment was gone and all Aria wanted was to be Ezra's again.
"I didn't move on," Aria shook her head. "Yes, I kissed Matt and yes, we went on dates, but I promise you it meant nothing." Aria half-lied. You don't date someone if it means nothing. You don't sleep with someone if it means nothing. But Matt had to mean nothing to Aria in order for her to convince Ezra to take her back.
Ezra furrowed his brow. He was on to her. "That doesn't make any sense. How could it mean nothing?"
"I was hurting, Ezra," Aria admitted. "From what Liam did. From what I did to you. From the stares and whispers that had become my new normal. I used Matt." The words felt gross coming out of her mouth, but not because they were lies. She had used Matt to fill a hole in her heart that really only Ezra could fix. But she'd just been so hurt and confused that she couldn't see that at the time.
"I wanted you back, but I didn't realize that was what I wanted," Aria felt tears well up in her ducts. "I used Matt to fill the void that only you could. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. I realize now that you're the one for me and absolutely no one can replace you."
Ezra folded his hands in his lap and hung his head. It might have been a trick of light, but Aria swore she saw tears in his eyes just before he did so. She held her breath as she waited on his response.
A minute passed and Aria feared that she would have to keep talking, keep convincing him that she had made a mistake and that she wanted him back. But before she could formulate another sentence, Ezra cleared his throat.
"What are you saying exactly?" He sniffed. Aria was right. He'd been crying.
"I'm saying," Aria stood up and moved from her spot in his desk chair next to his body on the bed. "Well, I'm asking…will you take me back?"
Slowly but surely Ezra brought his head up to meet Aria's eyes. She was staring at him, tears brimming her ducts and a soft, watery smile sitting on her lips. Her brain was screaming at him to say yes. She wanted him back more than she had ever wanted anything in her life. But he had to come to a decision by himself. She'd said all that she could say.
"Aria," Ezra sighed. Once again, Aria's heart plummeted. He's going to say no.
Out of pure impulse, Aria reached for his face and pulled him close, settling just centimeters away from his lips. Maybe it was manipulative. Maybe it wasn't. Ezra could still say no…she was just making it harder. She wouldn't speak anymore, but maybe she could let her actions convey her desires and pull an answer from him.
"Aria," Ezra said again, this time in a whisper. His eyes looked heavy as they looked down longingly at her lips and back up to her wet, hazel eyes.
She inched her face closer. The only thing left to do was pucker her lips up and they'd be kissing again for the first time in months. She could feel them begin to ache the longer she practiced self-control.
"Can you tell me one thing first?" Ezra asked meekly, his hands snaking their way to the tops of her thighs.
"Anything," Aria nodded, careful not to brush her lips against his.
"Did you ever sleep with Matt?" His eyes willed her to tell him the truth, but Aria knew that saying yes would be the ultimate betrayal. She was his one and only. He wanted to be able to say the same thing of her.
"No," Aria lied without hesitation. She had only slept with him once, so was it really that big of a deal? She didn't think so. Ezra never had to know. "You're the only one I want to share my body with." She continued to make it more believable.
Ezra smiled and brought a hand up to cup her face. He bought it. Aria smiled back. He had no idea that she had just lied to his face. She should've felt guilty. Instead, she just felt relieved. He was going to take her back.
"Then I forgive you," Ezra made the move to brush their lips together. "Be my girlfriend again?"
Aria nodded into his lips and pushed him backwards so that they could celebrate getting back together the right way. Sure she had just lied, but it didn't matter. The stars had aligned in her favor. They were a couple again.
Minutes later, the two found themselves naked and eager to re-consummate their relationship. It had been way too long…more so for Ezra than for Aria, but he didn't know that.
As they warmed each other up, Aria took a mental note of how much better Ezra truly was than Matt. He knew where and how to touch her. He knew how to turn her on. He knew exactly what she liked. Matt knew none of those things and Aria wasn't the least bit interested in letting him get the chance to learn.
Suddenly, Ezra stopped his wonderful movements and began searching for a condom in his dresser. However, he was halted by Aria's hand on his forearm and the devilish glint in her eyes.
"No," Aria protested. "We don't need a condom."
She hadn't used one with Matt and it had felt incredibly good… but also incredibly wrong. He was never supposed to have that privilege. Ezra was. So Aria was going to make sure that Ezra got it.
"You sure?" Ezra's words portrayed caution, but his actions did not. Before he'd even finished his question, he was back on top of her, ready to take her the minute she said yes. It made Aria giggle and fall even more in love with the boy in front of her.
"Absolutely," She nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck and opening her legs to allow him easier access.
As he slid in to her, she gasped at the contact. Way better than Matt, she thought. Ezra was made for her. And if nothing else had proved it before, this did. Aria wasn't sure there was any better feeling in the world.
As they rocked together, their moans echoed off of the walls and their kisses lasted longer and longer with each pull towards the edge. They changed positions, per Aria's request, so that she could be on top just like old times. She smiled to herself as she threw her head back with pleasure, happy that she had opted out of this position with Matt. This was reserved for her and Ezra alone. It was special because they were special together.
Time passed and Ezra announced to Aria that he was about to cum. This should have been her cue to change positions to make sure that he could pull out on time, but Aria got cocky. Sure, she hadn't known all of Matt's ticks and what he sounded or looked like before an orgasm, but she knew Ezra's. She thought she could gauge him better than she actually could. But after a couple of seconds passed, Ezra pushed Aria off of him a little too late, startling her from his abruptness.
"Did you…" Aria scrambled backwards to get away from the "splash zone."
"A little, I think," Ezra sighed, throwing his head back against his pillow and closing his eyes in frustration.
"Shit," Aria slumped her shoulders. "Good thing I'm on birth control." Famous last words.
"Are you sure that's enough?" Ezra cocked his head to the side so that he could look at her full on.
"It should be," Aria shrugged. "It's 99.9% effective and I never miss a pill."
"If you say so," Ezra sat up slowly and slid off the bed. "Next time, we're changing positions before I finish."
He laughed and Aria did too, because at the time it was funny. Neither of them knew that Ezra had just gotten her pregnant, nor did they know that that was going to be the last time they had sex for eight years.
Their few minutes of pure bliss were about to turn into nearly a decade of pure hell all because of a lie and some teenage lust. Their downfall was on the horizon, but it was better that they didn't know. At least they could enjoy their last few days together.
A/N: Thank you for reading! If you want to leave a review, I'd really appreciate it! Hope everyone's quarantine is going well. I live in Texas and most things are open, but I'm cautious. I guess that's why I have taken up writing again. You can only handle so much Tik Tok a day, haha!
-Erin xoxo