Between The Lines

by 78Violetfan

Santana's been in love with Quinn practically since she met her and this is what I think the story would be like if they had been a serious couple within the show. Follow Quinn and Santana through their journey to happiness within the episodes of Glee! (New Summary)

38. Sexy

Thanks for everyone who wrote anything about Naya, I appreciated reading everyone's thoughts and definitely love knowing that she affected others in the same way she did me. Also thank you for those who encouraged me to continue with this story. I really do wanna try and finish it, it's one of the three stories on here that I really do want to finish.

I'm here with another update, and I really hope it turned out good, I wrote it kind of choppy, at 3am in like three days because that seems to be the only time I can write anymore. I get a little delirious so I'm not sure how it ever turns out.

Anyway enjoy me trying to write Quinntana around Brittana!

---

"I've been thinking a lot lately." Sam started, he pushed his backpack strap on his shoulder adjusting it as he walked with Santana into school. "I've been wanting to talk to you about something."

"What could you possibly be thinking about?" Santana asked. "Your brain's like the size of a popcorn kernel."

Sam looked slightly offended, but he carried on anyway. "Look, I know we started out as a way to get Quinn jealous, but I think we might have a real connection here-"

"Stop." Santana held her hand up, swinging herself around, causing him to stop walking to look at her, "please don't say what I think you're about to say."

"I want us to be together." Sam pushed on. "Like for real."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Hear me out." Sam tried, "we've been at this thing for a while now and some of those times you kissed me at the party felt like something more than just a means to get Quinn jealous."

"Please stop."

Sam shut his mouth, but he eyed Santana warily, "you're always going on about how you're only interested in Quinn and not girls entirely."

"Because I'm not gay."

Yeah right.

"So I don't see the real problem with us trying this for real."

"Is that why you've been acting so weird lately."

"I wouldn't say I've been acting weird."

"Oh you definitely have-"

"I just think that we have a real connection." Sam explained. "And I think we should explore it and I don't know…what's the harm?"

"We're not really together." Santana told him. "You get that right?"

"So you'd rather just go on hung up on Quinn, feeling sorry for yourself."

"Hold up-"

"No, I get it." Sam said firmly. "Go on and pretend you're comfortable living this way, pining after Quinn instead of actually trying to move on when you know that she clearly has."

Santana had to hold herself back from snapping at him any longer. She was aware that he only knew the minimum of their relationship. He didn't know she and Quinn slept together at Rachel's party. He didn't know about her house afterward. There were certain things that Santana knew the boy didn't need to know.

"We're done here." Santana told him firmly.

"I just want you to see me as an option." Sam told her softly. "I've really thought about this and I want us to try."

Santana rolled her eyes, "this is crazy…you're being ridiculous. You don't even like me." She told him, "you only think you do. That party was nothing, those kisses meant nothing. We were drunk."

Sam frowned, but he could tell he wasn't going to get any further with Santana right now. "We'll talk later."

"Don't count on it." She turned away leaving him the lockers. Why would he spring all of this on her so suddenly?

Who does he think he is?

What gave him the right?

There's no way Sam genuinely developed feelings for her. He knew what they were when they started. They had planned all of this out. He was aware of the fact that Santana had no feelings for him. They were using each other. He had to know that.

Her journey down the hall caused her to notice Quinn, Rachel and Mrs. Pillsbury-Howell sitting together in a classroom discussing celibacy.

What?

So Quinn had rejoined the Celibacy Club? That thought intrigued her. That meant the blonde wasn't having sex with Finn right? And that was a good thing, right? It made Santana feel a little relieved to know that aside from kissing Quinn had remained untouched by someone else.

And that was the moment she realized that Sam was kind of right. Quinn was moving on, she had Finn and here Santana was all alone pretending to date Sam instead of actually following through and trying to figure out what she wanted out of life other than a relationship with someone who was currently unavailable. She needed to try harder.

She needed to actually figure herself out.

Which is way easier said than done so when she found Brittany standing by her locker she figured why not take a risk and get the girl to come over. The blonde was always down for lady kisses whenever Santana was feeling lonely and desperate for attention.

"Hey, Britt-Britt!" Santana greeted as she stepped over to her friend, "so listen, how about you and I pop in some Sweet Valley High this evening, get our cuddle on?"

"Look, I'd really like to get my sweet-lady kisses on but I haven't been feeling very sexy lately." She admitted before she lowered her voice, "I think I have a bun in the oven." Santana's eyes widened in shock as she looked her friend up and down. "Please, don't tell anyone okay?" Brittany continued shutting her locker. "Especially Artie."

"Yeah. Sure." Santana agreed as Brittany turned away, "your secret's safe with—oh my God, Brittany's pregnant!" She gasped, turning to Tina who had been walking past her.

"Oh, my God. Brittany's pregnant." Tina repeated to Puck.

"It was only a matter of time." The boy responded as he walked away.

"This is insane!" Santana said. As she and Tina walked down the hall.

"Wild." Tina agreed pulling out her phone, "I'm calling Mercedes!"

Santana pulled her own phone out and opened up her messages as she and Tina parted ways.

Brittany's pregnant!
-San

Unsurprisingly her message was answered quickly.

Are you sure?
-Q

Yeah, she just told me.
-San

That's terrible. I wonder what she's gonna do.
-Q

No idea. She asked me not to tell anyone. She hasn't even told Artie about it yet.
-San

I can't believe this happened. I was thinking with what I went through last year I'd be a prime example on why safe sex is necessary.
-Q

Brittany probably didn't even know how to use a condom.

I think we should all get together and talk about this maybe we can help her figure this out.
-San

Of course, we'll talk at lunch.
-Q

Thanks Quinn.
-San

Lunch came around and Quinn and Santana met up in the line gathering their food before walking over to a table, catching Brittany along the way and telling her to join them alone after she got her own tray of food.

Brittany joined them a few minutes later taking a seat across from her friends. "Well this is new us sitting together again. Everything better between you guys. Did you get back together?" she asked opening a bag of chips and munching on a few.

"No." Santana told her. "we're just worried about you."

Brittany furrowed her brows in confusion eyeing the pair. "Aw…I was hoping you finally got yourselves together…I don't understand why you're worried about me."

"You're pregnant." Quinn told her directly.

"Yeah." Brittany shrugged.

"How are you so calm about this?" Santana asked, shaking up her juice before unscrewing the lid to take a drink.

"Well there's no reason to panic." Brittany said, "it wouldn't make a difference."

Quinn frowned, "are you absolutely sure?"

"Of course." Brittany told her.

"But how did it happen?" Santana asked, "what about protection? I thought you were on birth control."

"We always use protection and I am on birth control…you know that's not always safe and when it's time it's time, I guess."

Santana and Quinn shared a look at Brittany's nonchalance about the whole thing before Quinn turned back to the taller blonde. "Well what are you gonna do? Have you made an appointment with a doctor yet?"

"Obviously you have to tell Artie." Santana added.

"I will when I'm ready." Brittany replied. "But I told you not to tell anyone."

"Quinn's not anyone."

"No, she's Quinn." Brittany grinned, her eyes dancing between the pair.

"You are gonna tell him, though right?" Quinn asked.

"Yeah, I will when the time is right."

"Like when you know for sure?" Santana clarified, taking a bite of her pizza.

"I already told you I'm positive that I'm pregnant. Why don't you believe me?"

"I just can't grasp that this is happening again." Quinn said.

Santana nodded along, mumbling, "only difference is Britt told me."

Quinn rolled her eyes, with a sigh, "can we not go down that road again?"

"Right, wouldn't want to remember the good ol' days when you were slutin' it up with Finn and Puck at the same time." Quinn and Brittany both looked shocked at Santana's sudden verbal attack, Santana for her part turned to Quinn with an apologetic look, "I have rage."

"I guess I deserved that."

"No you didn't." Santana said, "you weren't…you're not a slut-"

"Nope, just a cheater." Brittany chimed in, popping another chip into her mouth.

"On that note." Quinn said pulling away from the table and standing up. "I'll see you guys in Glee."

"Quinn-"

"It's fine."

Santana watched Quinn walk away before she turned to Brittany, "I don't know how to go back to how it was before."

Brittany gave her a sympathetic look, "what are you wanting to go back to? You've always had feelings for her, even before you knew about them." She took a drink of her soda and grabbed another chip from the bag, crunching it in her mouth while shrugging, watching as Santana ate her own food.

"I just want something to be relatively normal again. We used to be friends. Like real friends before I told her about my feelings. Like sure we kind of fought all the time but I feel like that was our dynamic and now it's like every time I'm even remotely harsh to her it's taken to another level and I'm just being a bitter ex."

"So you want to fight with her more?"

"I just want my friend back. I don't want to be in this awkward limbo anymore. I miss her."

"It'll take some time Sanny, but I'm sure you'll get there again."

---

"All right folks." Mr. Schuester started as he joined the group. "Regionals is in a week. It's time to get deep into our set list…" He trailed off as someone caught his sight. "Artie, you okay?"

"My life is over." Artie replied, "how am I supposed to support a baby?" He glanced at his girlfriend, "how could you not tell me?"

"Wait. Brittany, are you pregnant?" Mr. Schuester asked.

"Definitely." The girl answered. "I'm so sorry, Artie. I didn't want to upset you. I thought I could surprise you when I dropped him off." She smiled, "I'm pretty sure it's a boy."

"Um, babies don't get dropped off." Puck told her.

"Wait, Brittany, have you been to a doctor yet?" Will asked, "that's the only way to be sure."

"I don't need to go to a doctor." Brittany explained, "I just need to look outside my window…three days ago a stork built it's nest on top of my garage. I'm not stupid. It's obviously getting ready to bring me my baby. I know where babies come from."

Santana's jaw dropped as she stared at her friend from behind.

"You have to have sex to get pregnant." Tina said after a moment.

"I know…Artie and I do have sex."

Artie looked a little embarrassed that his sex life was being put on blast but he still nodded along, "we do."

"Hey." Santana leaned forward, "Britt-Britt?"

Blue eyes landed on her curiously, "yeah?"

"Do you remember us talking about how Quinn having sex with Puck got her pregnant and then the baby grew in her stomach?"

"Uh…yeah."

"How do you think a stork would put that baby in your stomach?"

"Well-"

"Brittany you're not pregnant." Santana told her slowly, "do you understand that?"

"I don't know."

She looked incredibly confused and Mr. Schuester looked worried, "don't you guys have sex ed?"

Santana scoffed, and Puck rolled his eyes, "please, Mr. Winslow is way too embarrassed to try and explain any of that stuff, he sticks in a couple videos and calls it good."

"Yeah and we have the best substitute right now-"

Finn was interrupted by Puck who added, "and the hottest!"

"But Miss Holliday will only be here for like the week and then we'll be back to the tapes." Finn finished.

Will sighed taking a step back, "looks like we might need a little bit of help."

"Please don't start lecturing us about sex." Rachel said, "it'd be way too awkward with you."

"Oh," Mr. Schuester looked embarrassed, "don't worry. We're not going there."

---

Mr. Schuester writes SEXY on the board. He finished scribbling the word on the door and smirked as he whispered, "sexy."

Santana glanced away from the board and over to Rachel who was sitting with Quinn. "I really hope that's not one of the requirements for regionals because with Berry in those tights, we don't stand a chance."

"No. This isn't about regionals." Mr. Schuester told them. "I'm less worried about that right now and more worried about the fact that it's become clear to me that some of you have been lacking when it comes to understanding the—the, uh—the intricacies of…adult relationships." Some of the class chuckled, "yeah, anyways. Along with preparing for our regional next week I want to spend the week educating ourselves about some of these intricacies."

"Is this the appropriate forum for that?" Rachel asked.

"Look," Mr. Schuester continued, "whenever we had, uh, issues in the past that are on our minds or giving us problems. It's always helped us to sing about it. So, this week, I have invited a special guest." He grinned before pointing toward the door, "Miss Holliday."

"Hola clase!" Miss Holliday greeted as the class cheered while she stepped into the room.

"Oh, no, it's the salad lady."

"Okay. So sex." Holly said, skipping right to the point. "It's just like hugging, only wetter."

Artie did a preach wave, "yeah, it is."

"Okay, so, let's start with the basics. Finn?" She stepped toward the boy with a smile, "is it true you thought you got your girlfriend pregnant via hot tub?"

"I have always been dubious."

Mr. Schuester slams his hand against the piano keys playing some high notes. "And Brittany," she continued walking toward the blonde, "you think that storks bring babies?"

"I get my information from Woody Woodpecker cartoons."

This time Mr. Schuester slams his elbow down on the keys playing low notes. "Well, that's all gonna end right here, right now. Because today, we are gonna get under the covers, all together and get the ditty on the dirty."

"I'm so turned on right now." Puck commented.

"What about those of us who choose to remain celibate?" Rachel inquired, reaching out toward Quinn, who raised her arm to push Rachel away.

"Oh, well, I admire you." Holly continued. "Although I think you're naïve and possibly frigid, I do admire your choice."

"I think this is a good time for a song." Mr. Schuester threw in.

Holly smiled at him, "oh, yes, okay."

"Okay." Mr. Schuester chuckled.

Miss Holliday turned back toward the students, "rule number one. Every intimate encounter that you're ever gonna have in your life is gonna start with a touch." She smiled, yelling, "hit it!"

'Cry at night
No one in sight
And we got so much to share
Talking's fine
If you got the time
But I ain't got the time to spare
Yeah

Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch me there, where
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah)
Do you wanna touch me there, where
There, yeah

Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah'

"Whoo!"

"So, just remember—whenever you have sex with someone you're having sex with everyone they've ever had sex with and everybody's got a random."

"I want you to come over." Santana panted slightly out of breath from the dancing, she pulled Brittany by the hand and led her away from the rest of the group as Holly continued on about sex. "I've been craving action and I need you to just come over before I do something stupid." She couldn't resist her eyes flying toward Quinn who was laughing along with Rachel as Holly looked at the pair of them, saying something.

Brittany shrugged, "okay, what are we gonna do?"

Santana glanced up to her with a sigh, "what do you think Britt? I wants to get my mack on and you're the only one available for me."

"But I'm dating Artie."

"So what?"

Brittany looked disappointed, "I don't want to cheat on him."

Santana rolled her eyes, "calm down. You won't be cheating."

"What does that mean?" Brittany looked confused. "If I kiss you or anyone who isn't him that's cheating."

"It's not." Santana lied. "It's not cheating because I'm a girl."

Brittany watched her skeptically, "I don't follow."

Santana glanced around the room, making sure there was no one close enough around them to hear what she was saying. Everyone was still gathered around Holly joking around and having fun, no one even noticed that the two of them had parted away from them. "We're both girls and he's a guy which means it's not cheating…the plumbing's different you know?"

Brittany still looked confused, "but if that's true then did Quinn really cheat on you?"

Crap.

"Well…I mean, yes she did." She defended quickly. "It's only cheating if the girl does it with a guy but because I'm a girl it won't be cheating. You see? Quinn kissed a guy and she was dating agirlso she cheated but because I'm a girl and you're a girl and you'd be kissing me instead of a guy you're not cheating on Artie."

That made sense.

It didn't.

"Oh." Brittany nodded along, "okay, I get it."

Santana felt absolutely awful lying to her like that, but she's lonely and kind of horny and her hormones are all over the place and if she goes another day without something from someone then she'll completely go against everything she's been saying the past few weeks and run back to Quinn. She doesn't want to do that. She doesn't want to lose what little progress they've made to remain friends. And Brittany is so gullible she believes anything. Sure, it made Santana manipulative and easily was a horrible thing to lead her into, but they'd repair from it quickly because they've been friends for so long.

"So will you come over?"

"Sure. As long as we can watch a movie."

Santana shot her a smile, "whatever you want Britt-Britt."

"Okay guys!" Mr. Schuester called over the ruckus of the group, causing Santana and Brittany to turn their attention back to the group, stepping back down from the bleachers and joining them again. "This was an awesome rehearsal!" He said with a bright smile, grinning at Holly a small glimmer in his eyes. "Absolutely love having you back in this room."

"Yes!" Mercedes cheered.

"Hell to the yes!" Puck agreed, "come back any time!"

Artie followed up with a, "preach."

Miss Holliday laughed, "alright I'm definitely gonna have to take you up on that!"

'Here we go again
I kinda wanna be more than friends
So take it easy on me
I'm afraid you're never satisfied

Here we go again
We're sick like animals
We play pretend
You're just a cannibal
And I'm afraid I won't get out alive
No, I won't sleep tonight'

"Santana." Brittany voiced, rolling over to look at the girl beside her.

Santana didn't really know what to say. She figured maybe if she just didn't reply Brittany would think she'd fallen asleep. Her friend isn't stupid, far from it really, but she is very easy to trick or manipulate and it wasn't really a good thing and Santana did feel a little guilty when she got her to do something, but that's just how it was.

They shouldn't have done it.

And Santana was feeling guilty because she knew they shouldn't have.

"San," Brittany said, "your eyes are open, I know you're not asleep."

Damn. Why was she staring up at the ceiling?

"What do you want Britt?" It came off a little harsher than she meant it too.

The blonde sighed, her hand reaching out slightly to brush Santana's face softly, "I just want you to talk to me."

"About what?"

Brittany pulled away, "about this. About us. What this means?"

Us.

What did she mean by us?

Santana moved to sit up on her bed, her eyes roaming her bedroom, flitting around, looking at everything except for Brittany. Us. What does that mean? Did Brittany think there was an usbetween them? How could she possibly think that? Sure they did just sleep together, but Brittany was with Artie and she knew that Santana was still in love with Quinn. Could it be that Brittany also had feelings for Santana and sleeping together again had triggered something in her that was craving something more?

Being in love with Brittany would sure be a whole lot simpler than being in love with Quinn, that was completely true. Brittany was care free, she never worried if someone was looking at her the wrong way, judgement meant nothing to the blue eyed blonde. Brittany knew how to make Santana smile in the simplest ways (so did Quinn, but we're not talking about that) and she and Santana had known each other practically their whole lives. It would be better with her. Santana could just feel it.

They'd never fight…. except Santana could pretty much convince Brittany to do anything whereas Quinn would sometimes question her motives.

Ninety percent of their time together would just be simple, fun, laziness. Quinn liked to challenge her, she'd quip at her for absolutely no reason, just to see what Santana would say.

Quinn was high maintenance and needed attention most times while Brittany liked to do her own thing.

Quinn was the jealous type. Brittany definitely wasn't.

Clearly there really is no competition because they are two very different people.

But regardless of how much better it would be, it still didn't change the fact that Brittany was not the blonde who had captured her heart.

"I don't know what you want me to say?" Santana said finally.

Brittany frowned, pulling herself to a seated position too, "I just want to know how you feel." She shrugged, "I know you're in love with Quinn, that this probably didn't mean anything to you…maybe you're lonely. I don't know. These are just guesses, please I just want you to open up to me Santana. Explain things straight out."

Santana's eyes fell to her, "did you want this to mean something?"

"What was your intention?" Brittany said. "Are you wanting to make Quinn jealous?"

Santana shook her head, "please answer me."

"I'm with Artie." Brittany said simply, "but if this is your way of saying you have feelings for me then I really am confused."

And somehow, she still avoided answering her question. Santana still didn't know if this meant anything to her. She had no idea what was actually happening in Brittany's head, yet the girl was complaining that she didn't know what Santana wanted. It's a two-way street and Brittany only wants to go one way. "I can't open up to you if you're not willing to do the same."

"Are you in love with Quinn?"

Yes. Duh.

"Brittany you already know the answer to that."

The blonde nodded, "okay, so…are you in love with me?"

Santana eyed her warily, "is that what you want?"

Again Brittany was frowning at her. "I don't understand why you keep answering me with questions".

"Because I don't want to do this." Santana told her honestly. "I don't want to make this more complicated than it has to be."

Brittany watched her hesitantly, she was about to say more but instead she flopped back onto the bed, laying on her back, staring at the ceiling. "Why do you have to be like this?" She sounded like she wanted to cry. Santana didn't know what to say. "I've been here for you. For everything with Quinn and I've listened to you vent and ramble on about how lovesick you were over her since we met her and now that I wanna talk about something important to me you're shoving me away."

"I'm not shoving you away…I just don't see why we have to have this conversation."

"Fine." Brittany mumbled, "can we just watch a movie?"

"Britt-"

"I would also like some ice-cream."

"I don't even know if we have any ice-cream." Santana told her, scooting herself off the bed and taking a stand, getting dressed "what movie do you want to watch?"

"Mean Girls."

"Okay, if you grab the movie and put it in, I'll run down and see if we have any ice-cream."

"I'm not settling for anything less." Brittany told her. "If you don't have any ice-cream you better find me some." Brittany's voice was firm, and it had a bitter tone to it. Santana knew the blonde was upset but for her to take that kind of tone with her was so unlike Brittany and Santana didn't like it.

Santana gave Brittany one last glance, watching her bend over the side of the bed to grab her own clothes before she carried on downstairs. She rounded the corner and entered the kitchen, walking straight over to the refrigerator and pulling open the freezer to see about ice-cream. It took her a little digging, but she was lucky enough to find some Ben & Jerry's stuffed in the back. It was coffee flavored, which she knew wasn't really in Brittany's taste, but she liked to keep the coffee ice-cream stashed in the freezer for Quinn because it was her favorite. She pulled the ice-cream down and stepped over to the cabinet to get a bowl down and dish some of the product into the bowl.

Why was all of this happening? Why was she starting to feel like this? Where is all of this confusion coming from? And what exactly did Brittany want from her?

Those were thoughts that were racing through her head right now, but she had absolutely no answer for them. She was legitimately confused about everything.

Did Brittany have feelings for her?

Was it possible that she had feelings for Brittany?

Maybe hooking up with her while she and Quinn had broken up the first time wasn't the best idea. Maybe along the lines of having sex with Brittany to pass the time she'd actually started to develop feelings for her. Maybe that was why she kept going back. It wasn't just about convenience.

But she loved Quinn. Adored her even. There was no way she was feeling even half of what she felt for Quinn for Brittany.

Brittany was fun, and she enjoyed their time together, but it wasn't necessarily all about her. There were plenty of times when they were hooking up that Santana's mind was somewhere else. And she was almost positive that Brittany's had been the same. She put the ice-cream back in the freezer before grabbing the bowl and running back upstairs to join her friend.

"I started it already." Brittany told her. Santana's eyes drifted to the tv where Mean Girls had already begun. "No popcorn?" Brittany said snatching the bowl from the girls' hand.

"You didn't say anything about popcorn."

"You can't watch a movie without popcorn." Brittany quipped, scooping a bite of the ice-cream, she made a face, scrunching up her nose in disgust.

"It's the only kind I have." Santana told her before saying, "I'll go grab some popcorn."

"Don't put any of those stupid red pepper flakes in it either." Brittany called after her.

Wow not having any kind of discussion about these 'feelings' was taking a turn on Brittany, changing her into a bitch. Normally she didn't mind Santana's sprinkle of red pepper or dust of hot sauce with her popcorn, sure she'd complain about the initial attack of flavor, but soon get over it. Maybe this was Brittany's form of payback, not dealing with Santana's taste. Santana carried on back to the kitchen to retrieve the popcorn, tossing it into the microwave and pushing the 'popcorn' button before she wandered over to the refrigerator to grab two soda's, knowing Britt she'd probably send her back down for a Dr. Pepper if she didn't grab one beforehand.

Upon returning Brittany had decided to move to a chair saying something about sitting on the bed feeling weird right now. They watched the movie in silence which was definitely the most awkward night Santana's ever had with Brittany since knowing her.

Their friendship may have just been ruined.

The movie had ended five minutes ago, and Santana had started straightening up her room a bit to get herself through the awkwardness, Brittany was still sitting in her chair, she had grabbed Santana's hair brush and brushed her hair before asking Santana if she'd tie it up for her. "Um…sure."

"I wanna talk to you about something." Brittany started trying againas Santana finished tying up her hair. "I really like when we make out and stuff."

"Which isn't cheating because—" Santana leaned down to look at her.

"The plumbing's different."

"Mm-hmm." Santana agreed stepping over to her dresser to apply more lip gloss.

"But when Artie and I are together we talk about stuff." Brittany continued. "Like feelings."

Santana made a face, "why?"

"Because with feelings it's better." Brittany told her.

"Are you kidding?" Santana asked, looking at her through the mirror. "It's better when it doesn't involve feelings." She set her lip gloss down and turned to the blonde, "I think it's better when it doesn't involve eye contact."

"I don't know." Brittany shrugged, "I guess I just don't know how I feel about us."

"Look, let's be clear here." Santana started, stepping over to pick up a pillow that had fallen on the floor, "I'm not interested in any labels unless it's on something I shoplift."

"I don't know, Santana." Brittany said sadly. "I think we should talk to somebody. Like an adult…this relationship is really confusing for me."

"Breakfast is confusing for you." Santana snapped.

"Well, sometimes it's sweet sometimes it's salty." Brittany defended. "Like, what if I have eggs for dinner? Then what is it?"

Santana ignores that response and instead turns back to her bed. "I'm sorry I convinced you to come over." She said quietly. "If I'd known it'd turn out this way I would've just suffered alone."

"No you would've done something stupid and called Quinn."

That was probably true.

"Santana, you're a les-"

"Stop!" Santana whipped back to her, her eyes were wide. "Don't say that."

Brittany frowned, she looked genuinely sad that Santana had cut her off. The look she was giving her right now made Santana feel pathetic. It's not like Santana was at a complete and total loss of what she was. It's just that saying it out loud made it even more true. Solidified it in some form. It was hard enough halfway admitting it to Quinn at Rachel's party and even then it was a drunken confession so it probably didn't count. She said it then but she's too afraid now.

That's a step back.

"I think we should talk to someone." Brittany told her again. "You're confused about yourself, even though you know exactly what you are deep down…and you're confusing me and I'm not even sure where Quinn stands anymore. Where I stand." Santana watched her stand up and gather her jacket from across the room, "and I think for now we should call off whatever we are. I don't want to be someone you use to feel safe with when you can't have who you really want."

"Brittany-"

"This was like fun and I've missed being with you because you're great at making me feel super comfortable but we're not together and I'm with Artie and you love Quinn and you can't tell me you love me too."

"Okay." Santana said, stopping Brittany as she moved to leave Santana's house.

"Okay what?" Brittany asked.

"We'll talk to someone…just—not our parents."

"I was thinking a teacher."

At that Santana rolled her eyes, "who? Miss Pillsbury is ridiculous, and Mr. Schuester secretly creeps me out."

Brittany let out a soft snicker, "Miss Holliday seems like the chill teacher who will be straight forward with us."

"Okay." Santana agreed with a small nod. "Tomorrow we'll talk to her."

Brittany stepped toward Santana, engulfing her in a hug, "this will be a good thing." She said reassuringly.

Santana could only hope she was right.

---

"Ladies." Miss Holliday greeted with a smile.

"Miss Holliday, we need your help." Santana told her.

"Is everything okay?" Holly wondered?

"We're not really sure." Brittany told her.

Holly's eyes dashed between the two girls before she said, "let's go somewhere and talk." She said quietly, she noticed Santana's nervous floaty eyes around the library. "Come on." She led them to the classroom that she had currently been teaching in, "please, take a seat." She said.

Santana's eyes shuffled around the room noticing all of the tables had been pushed back, making the room look barer. "Why are all the tables like that?"

"We were playing a game."

"Aren't you substituting for Sex Ed?" Santana wondered.

Holly waved her hands up and down, motioning for the girls to take a seat. Santana and Brittany shared a curious glance but did as their substitute suggested. "I am, but all that sex talk got boring yo!" Miss Holliday told them stepping over to switch off the lights before turning back to join the girls sitting before them with a bright smile.

"So, why are we sitting on the floor?" Brittany asked when they'd finally gotten settled.

"Cause we're in Japan." She smiled before saying, "no. Welcome to my sacred, sexy, sharing circle. I wanna thank you guys for confiding in me, cause I know this is tough and I want to ask both of you if either of you thinks that you might be a lesbian."

"I don't know." Brittany said.

"Yeah, I mean who knows?" Santana started, "I'm attracted to girls and I'm attracted to guys. I made out with a mannequin I even had a sex dream about a shrub that was just in the shape of a person."

"Hmm. Well, we've all been there." Holly told them. "I went to an all-girls college where the only industry in the town was the manufacturing of softball equipment. I still feel a little tingle when I hear Ani DiFranco." She drew in a breath and shook herself, "ooh! Anyway, it's not about who you are attracted to ultimately. It's about who you fall in love with."

"Well, I don't know how I feel because Santana refuses to talk about it." Brittany shared.

"Okay, well, I know talking about those feelings can be really hard, so—I have an idea, why don't you guys find a song and see if maybe the lyrics of the song could help you start a dialogue going?"

"I could be down with that." Santana said with a small smile, "I have the perfect song…There's just one problem though. Britt and I may need your help to sing it."

Holly grinned, "I thought you'd never ask."

"So Santana," Holly started as the girls stood up, her eyes darted between Santana and the tall blonde beside her wondering how exactly to further her inquisition.

"Is something wrong?" Santana wondered her eyes meeting Holly's.

"Um—could I possibly talk to you alone?"

Brittany's concerned gaze met Santana's silently asking if she was okay before she told Santana she'd wait for her outside.

Santana frowned crossing her arms and staring at the floor as Brittany exited the room. Miss Holliday waited until the door was closed behind her before starting. "I'm always open." She explained.

"Okay?"

"Santana…when I came here the first time—a few months ago—you seemed to be interested in another blonde altogether."

Santana shuffled uncomfortably under the older woman's gaze before she shrugged, "things change."

"So you don't deny it?"

Santana glanced up with a frown, "no."

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked, "because I won't pressure you."

Santana paced backwards until she reached a desk to pull herself up to sit down. "I'm not in love with Brittany." She stated quietly.

Holly nodded, but she said nothing in response.

Santana couldn't bring herself to look the older woman in the eyes as she said, "but maybe I want to be."

"I'm not sure I understand."

Santana sighed, "to be honest neither do I." she rubbed her hands against her face to calm her frustrations before her eyes actually met Holly's. "I'm in love with Quinn and I wish that I wasn't."

"Why?"

"Because she's infuriating…and ridiculous and it seems like everything I do with her I have to do so carefully."

"Because she's scared? Or because you are?"

"We're both scared." Santana admitted, "but with Brittany it feels different."

"What kind of different?"

"It's hard to explain." Santana told her. "For some reason I feel more comfortable with Brittany around other people than I do with Quinn."

"But you're in love with Quinn?"

"Completely." Santana admitted embarrassingly fast.

"Is Quinn in love with you?"

"I think so."

"But you're not sure?" Miss Holliday questioned, leaning against the teacher's desk and staring at Santana intently. "Care to explain the events that happened in the months of my absence?" She wondered with a quirked eyebrow, "because I totally sensed some feelings from her last time I was here."

The bell for the next class signaled and Santana bit her lip glancing back toward the door. "I should go-"

"I'll write you a note." Holly told her, her eyes never leaving Santana's. "You'll be okay. If you wanna talk, we can talk."

"But Brittany's outside."

Holly nodded, "you could text her and tell her to go on without you."

Santana considered it for a moment before she pulled out her cell to shoot Brittany a quick text. Ignoring whatever response Brittany had sent her Santana glanced back up at her teacher. "I think I am a…lesbian." She told her. "Because I've been with guys and it's never felt good. It's never felt right but when I'm with a girl everything seems better."

"Okay."

"I've only ever been with two girls though—but I've had plenty of experience with guys—like a lot." When Holly acknowledged what Santana was saying but didn't reply the younger girl continued. "I realized that I had feelings for Quinn at some point during freshman year, but I freaked myself out—I couldn't feel that way about her, so I experimented with guys and hooked up with Puck and I pushed away my feelings for Quinn until they became so strong that I literally wanted to punch every guy in the face just for looking at her."

At that Holly chuckled before she asked, "when did the two of you get together?"

"Last year when she was pregnant it took a really long time for it to happen because her life was so messed up, pretending Finn was the father when really it was Puck."

"I heard about that."

"And in the meantime, I had Brittany beside me through it all. She was pushing me to be honest with myself. Honest with my feelings and she had this brilliant idea to help me."

"Like sexually?" Holly asked.

"Exactly…Britt's the first girl I ever slept with and we've only been together a few times after that."

"And you don't have feelings for her?"

"It makes me a bad person doesn't it?"

Holly shook her head as she replied, "it only makes you a bad person when you're leading someone on…Brittany seems…indifferent. Does she know about Quinn?"

"Yes."

Holly nodded along before she said, "okay…so just a quick overview—you think you're a lesbian. You're in love with Quinn, but you wish you were in love with Brittany?"

"I sound like a hot damn mess." Santana mused to herself, "this makes me an awful person."

"It doesn't." Holly assured, "everyone feels lost or confused sometimes." Santana was nodding along, but her face must've showed that she was skeptical. "Did you ever consider actually talking all of this out with Quinn or with Brittany? That seems to be exactly what Brittany wanted…maybe you could talk to them together?" She suggested. "It could be beneficial to know their thoughts or feelings on all of this."

Santana argued almost immediately, "if Quinn knew about anything between me and Britt she'd doubt everything we've everhad."

"So not a confident one then?"

"She's definitely someone who tries too hard at times…I think she's always been especially insecure in our relationship, telling her that I might have feelings for Brittany…I don't even know."

"And talking with Brittany?"

Santana sighed, "I don't know how to explain all of this to Brittany. She wants to talk it out, that's why we came to you but I don't know if she'll understand what I'm trying to say." She eyed her substitute a little bit before saying, "how can I expect Brittany to understand anything that I can hardly understand myself."

"I get that." Miss Holliday nodded along.

Santana was hesitant before she said, "I should probably get to class."

Holly maneuvered around the desk to grab her pad to scribble Santana an excuse before she handed the slip to the girl, "so what song were you thinking about earlier?" She asked, "I need to know it if I'm gonna sing it with you."

"Oh." Santana smiled receiving the note, "it's Landslide."

"Fleetwood Mac!" Holly exclaimed excitedly. "Stevie Nicks is a genius."

Santana laughed, "yeah…I found the song a little while ago and I've kind of been listening to it for a while it's both confused and helped me at the same time."

"It's intense!" Holly laughed, "get to class…but Santana, if you have any questions or even if you just want someone to talk to, please call me, text me." She said grabbing a post-it note and writing a number down. "I'm always available." She handed Santana the note with a reassuring smile, "always. Even when I'm no longer your teacher."

"I really appreciate that." Santana told her, "thank you."

"Anytime." Holly said.

'U don't have 2 be rich
2 be my girl
U don't have 2 be cool
2 rule my world
Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with
I just want your extra time and your

Kiss'

Santana was crying.

She'd gotten home a few hours ago before doing her homework and collapsing on her bed when she was done.

Four times. She had listened to Landslide four times today and she can't stop crying. It was beautiful and heartbreaking, but it truly spoke to her on levels.

Have you ever heard Landslide by Stevie Nicks?
-San

It took her another listen of the song before she got a reply. It didn't surprise her though because lately Quinn took a little longer to reply as if it was a way to distance herself more.

I don't know. Maybe. Why?
-Q

I've been listening to it on repeat for a while tonight and it's hitting me hard how well this is fitting into what I've been feeling recently
-San

Are you okay?
-Q

It was good to know that Quinn could tell something was up though a simple message, and nice to know that still cared enough to worry.

Not that it surprised her, Quinn had always been a great friend to her.

I don't think so.
-San

Should I come over?
-Q

That wouldn't be the best idea. It was a nice thought though, she knew they needed to hash things out, but the space had been a good thing. They'd limited their interactions instead of completely cutting each other out for a while as they had initially decided (it was quite impossible to do). They were still in a limbo with their relationship, maybe that was something that they really needed to officially talk about. Maybe Santana should stop caring about how Quinn would feel and actually say everything that was on her mind. Tell her about Brittany, tell her about everything.

Santana do you need me to come over?
-Q

She took too long with her consideration, she was sure Quinn was a little worried.

I'm not sure that's a good idea.
-San

Nothing is gonna happen, I just think you shouldn't be alone right now.
-Q

She really was thankful for Quinn's attention. Happy that the blonde wanted to help her, still she thought it would be best if Quinn stayed away.

Please, I'm okay. Just take a listen to this song. It's very honest and sort of exactly what I needed to hear. Maybe it'll do the same for you.
-San

Okay. Just please don't hesitate to call me or whatever.
-Q

I promise.
-San

She really hoped Quinn would give the song a listen. She read over their conversation before reaching toward her backpack that she had dropped to the floor beside her bed earlier and snatched the post-it note with Holly's number on it.

It may sound stupid but I told Quinn to look up the song. I told her it's kind of where my head has been recently and that maybe she could gain some insight of her own.
-San

This is Santana by the way.
-San

Would've never guessed!...that's not stupid at all. I'm glad you're taking a step to better yourself and even doing the same for her.
-Holly

She was incredibly grateful that Holly seemed to genuinely care about her, she was thankful she had someone to talk to that wasn't Brittany, Quinn or Rachel. Puck doesn't count because all he thinks about is Santana and Quinn hooking up, 'that's hot' he'd say and rarely ever considers the real feelings involved. Sure, most of the time he was joking, but this was something very serious to Santana and she didn't need a joke or a laugh she needed something real.

Brittany needed things straightforward and even then, you could easily persuade her differently.

Quinn was too stubborn and would take any little detail to heart and possibly be offended which would make her incredibly defensive.

And Rachel liked to insert herself wherever she could find it possible and her opinion always seemed like the only valid one.

Holly was like a breath of fresh air. Another perspective.

Someone helpful.

"Santana, sweetie." Her mother started after knocking on her door, without waiting for an answer she opened the door and leaned across the threshold, her hand still on the doorknob.

Santana sat up quickly on her bed, dropping her iPod on the sheets swiftly wiping at the tears that had fallen, "way to wait for an answer."

Her mother looked concerned, she dropped her hand from the door handle and stepped further into her daughter's room. "Santana, honey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." Santana snapped quickly.

Her mother didn't buy it, "you haven't been out of your room all night, I came up to check on you and I find you crying."

"I said it's nothing." Santana told her, rolling her eyes, "please, leave."

"I don't think I will. Mrs. Lopez replied, closing the door behind her. "What is going on?" She frowned, genuinely worried for her child. "You know you can tell me anything." She said, taking a seat on her bed. "Did you and Quinn have another fight? I noticed she hasn't been around lately."

"Quinn and I are fine." Santana told her, "how would you notice that, you're never here."

"Is that what this is about?"

"God, no!" Santana said, "please just stop with the twenty questions, nothing is going on."

"You're crying."

"And why are you acting like you care now?" Santana snapped harshly. "You're literally never around and now that you just happen to catch me on a bad day you wanna act like mother of the year-"

"Santana!"

"What? You can't deny that it's abnormal for you to be asking how I am. Mom, I love you but you're seriously never around. All I wanted a few months ago was for you to see my first solo performance for Glee Club and you couldn't bother to show up."

"San-"

"I've been pretty fine without you and I'm fine now. Sure I've got a lot going on, but I'll get myself through it. I always do—now please, get out of my room."

Her mother was very confused about the lashing out, her face still heavy with concern, however, she did give in and sand up, "I love you Santana." She gave her daughter a soft, warm smile "I'm here, whenever you're ready to talk."

She felt bad for lashing out at her mother but her brain is already in overload trying to sort out any of her feelings and adding her mother to the mix could be a catastrophe.

Her mother couldn't know she felt this way about Quinn.

Couldn't know her struggle with Brittany.

How could she even begin to explain any of this to her mother when she couldn't even understand it herself.

She was crying harder now. Absentmindedly she grabbed her phone and dialed the only number that was always on her mind.

Two rings.

"Hello?"

"Quinn, I need you." She said softly, insecure. "Could you please come over?"

"Um…yeah, I'll be there in like ten minutes. I'm in the middle of dinner with my mother."

"Just please, hurry."

"I will, I promise."

True to her word Quinn got there in about ten minutes. "Hey." She said pushing the door open, she shut it behind herself before cautiously walking over to Santana's bed. "Your mom said she's worried about you…you're crying. Are you okay?" Santana was laying on her side, tears slowly rolling from her eyes. "Santana?" Quinn asked just barely above a whisper.

"I know we're not together anymore but," her voice was raw, broken, "will you just hold me?"

Quinn kicked her shoes off and climbed onto the bed, laying on her side, she put her arm around Santana's waist and the other hand played with the other girl's hair. "What's going on?" She asked quietly.

"I really don't know if I can talk about it." Santana replied softly.

"That's all right." Quinn assured her, "but I'm right here, and I'm always going to be here for you Santana, regardless of where we stand." Santana took ahold of her hand and squeezed it thankfully, but she still couldn't begin to explain any of her thoughts to the blonde behind her.

She's not sure how long they laid there before Quinn finally said, "I get that you're not comfortable talking to me—and I'm sure you have your reasons—but have you talked to anyone? What about Brittany?"

"I can't talk to her." Santana told her after a minute. "But I'm working on. I promise I'll be okay."

Quinn was hesitant with her next question, "does this have anything to do with me?"

Santana rolled over so she could look Quinn in the eyes, but she made sure her arm stayed exactly where it was over her waist, still securing her in her hold. "It does." She admitted honestly, "it has to do with you among other things…I'm just really lost right now and my head is foggy from trying to figure everything out."

"Okay."

"Did you listen to that song?"

"Landslide?"

"Yeah."

"I didn't." Quinn told her, "I spaced it I guess."

"Will you listen to it now?"

Quinn brushed some of Santana's hair across her face, wiping at a stray tear. "Of course."

Santana moved to grab her iPod again, so she could find the song for Quinn to listen to. She handed one of the earbuds to the blonde and kept one for herself. "You've probably heard it before but never really fully listened to it." She said lowly, watching Quinn intently. "This song has helped me realize quite a bit about myself lately so I need you to really focus on the words, okay?"

"Okay."

Santana played the song and watched Quinn for a few seconds more before she curled into her, Quinn in turn rolled onto her back and hugged Santana into her chest. They listened to the song in silence twice more, Quinn comforting Santana as she cried before she said, "you're afraid of changing into the person you know that you are…of finally embracing your true self."

"Yeah." She sounded so scared, so unlike herself.

Quinn knew her all too well.

"I understand why you're scared. It's a tough world out there and we live in a place where it's incredibly difficult to be yourself…but I'm so proud of you for opening up. For being honest with yourself. I understand not wanting everyone to know just yet and there's nothing wrong with taking your time with it. That's a hard decision to make but definitely realize that you've taken a huge step in the right direction and being afraid is completely normal."

"I don't want everything to change."

"I know." Quinn said, "it could be a good thing though."

It could also be very bad.

"Thank you for coming over."

"I'm always going to be here for you, Santana."

It was welcoming to know that she would always have Quinn, regardless of their relationship status. She was safe with her.

---

"Please welcome back Miss Holliday." William said, gesturing to the blonde who was standing in the middle of the room before the kids. "To continue on with our lessons of 'Sexy' week." The Glee Club instructor continued, "Holly."

"Howdy." Holly started. "I hope nothing's changed too much in the course of 48 hours since we've last seen each other…use condoms, get consent. Don't be stupid…yada, yada." She laughed, "I'm here for a completely different reason today actually."

Mr. Schuester looked intrigued whereas the students looked around at each other confused. Santana on the other hand was freaking out on the inside, completely sure she was about to have a nervous breakdown. Brittany shot her a soft reassuring smile when they locked eyes. Santana broke their connection fairly quickly.

"I was asked by Santana and Brittany to sing a song that has a very special meaning to them. So if they would join me?" The girls stood to join Holly in front of their fellow students, "Whoo! Get it!" Mercedes encouraged with a sassy laugh, almost as if she had picked up on Santana's nerves and she found herself chuckling softly as they lined up three stools and Holly moved to grab a guitar that had been leaning against the piano. "This is a rad song that I like to listen to when I get all up in my feelings." Holly said with a smile, "you literally will never get any better than the queen Stevie Nicks." She took a seat in-between Santana and Brittany and started to strum her guitar gently.

"I've always believed since first coming here that this choir room, you kids here, this is a safe place and I know that sometimes life can be confusing or difficult…this is something that Santana wanted to get off her chest and this is the only way she felt comfortable saying it so please keep an open mind and listen." Holly gave Santana a soft smile before turning to Brittany and sending her a wink.

Santana's eyes graced the crowd in front of her, she got a warm smile from Rachel with a subtle thumbs up, Finn and Puck looked confused. Artie and Sam were watching them intently. Her eyes fell to Quinn last and the blonde was giving her best dazzling smile and she looked so proud to witness this.

Santana did feel quite safe in this room. These faces were warm and comforting and they definitely made her feel more welcome to be herself.

'Well, I've been 'fraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm gettin' older, too
I'm gettin' older, too

Ah, take my love, take it down
Oh, climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide will bring it down
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide will bring it down
Oh, the landslide will bring it down'

"Is that really how you feel?" Brittany asked as Santana wiped the tears from her eyes and the group cheered for them.

"Uh, yeah." Santana admitted. She stood up and stepped over to Brittany, throwing her arms around Brittany's shoulders, "thank you." She whispered when Brittany wrapped her arms around Santana's back.

"Of course, you're my best friend, no matter what." Santana smiled back with a small nod. She hoped Brittany knew she felt the exact same.

"Can I just applaud this trio for exploring the uncharted world of Sapphic charm?" Rachel said with a smile, "brava, brava."

"Look," Santana said, "just because I sang a song with Brittany doesn't mean that you can put a label on me. Is that clear?" She shot Brittany a small look before walking over to her chair to sit down.

"I-I'm sorry." Rachel said after Santana and Brittany had settled back in their chairs. "I didn't mean to offend you."

Santana couldn't bring herself to respond, too scared that she'd accidently say something to further confirm what she knew her classmates had assumed about her. Too scared still, to admit it fully to herself and partly confused about her thoughts. Her own feelings toward this whole situation. She couldn't bring herself to turn to Quinn, she knew the girl was watching her but if she'd glance her way, look at her even slightly she'd probably break down completely and everyone in the room was smart enough to put two and two together and they'd probably be able to pick up on her feelings for her as well.

"Well!" Holly said cheerfully, her arms swinging beside her body, "that was fun and I'm stoked that ya'll enjoyed that kickass song now let's talk about sex!" She joked trying to lighten the mood.

Mr. Schuester laughed standing joining her on the floor and motioning for her to step over to the piano with him, so they could have a short-whispered conversation. Santana was aware of the eyes that were settling on her, but she had no intention of giving anyone the pleasure of eye contact. She was nervous of all their reactions and not quite ready to face anything. The song was a step forward, but only a slight one. Their rehearsal went on a little longer, Mr. Schuester explaining that he'd talked to Mrs. Pillsbury-Howell and they'd agreed to let the Celibacy Club perform a song during Glee Club the next day to try and share their side of the whole 'sex conversation.' Santana only heard a few words here and there throughout the rest of the rehearsal because she had been lost in thought.

They bounced a few ideas around for their next competition before the gathering officially ended and everyone began to leave the room. "May I speak with you?" The voice startled her as she had thought everyone had already vacated the room.

"Geeze, Berry, thanks for the heart attack!" Santana snipped, her hand over her chest.

"Sorry," Rachel said stepping over to Santana, "I just want to apologize again." She continued, brushing her hands over her thighs, taking a seat beside the other girl. "I was in no way trying to assume anything, it's just, I know about your relationship with Quinn and I just thought maybe you were finally ready to express yourself fully."

"I'm getting there." Santana replied.

"I'm very sorry if I chose the wrong way to congratulate you." Rachel pressed on. "We may not be the closest friends, but I truly believe you deserve happiness as much as the next person."

"I'm not upset." Santana said plainly. "I just don't know if I'm ready to slap a label on myself and flaunt around."

"Which is completely acceptable."

Santana sat up in her chair, brushing a hand through her hair before awkwardly saying, "thanks for like accepting me or whatever." Rachel was smiling brightly, and she had the normal Rachel Berry twinkle in her eyes. "I don't think I ever said that before. You stumbled upon me and Quinn and instead of using this as an attack on us you offered support and friendship and I hope you know how grateful I am."

"You're welcome." Rachel said wholeheartedly. "I would never use this kind of information as an attack on anyone." She paused for a moment, her eyes dancing around Santana's figure before she said, "are you doing okay though?"

"I honestly don't know." Rachel's eyes were curious, and Santana was thankful that she didn't press for more details. She liked that the girl was allowing her to decide to explain her feelings or not. "Breaking up with Quinn was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do and as much as I know it's good for us, it's hard to see her with someone else."

"I get that." Rachel said, "they're trying to be a little discrete about it but it's still right in front of us."

"I'm sorry." Santana said. She wasn't even sure what she was apologizing for, but she said it anyway. "I guess I kind of pushed Quinn to Finn after I found out about the kiss."

"You're not making them date." Rachel clarified. "And you're right when you say that they should explore those feelings…it's just terrible that we're the ones who have to suffer while they figure out what they truly want."

"I'm not really sure what I want any more either." Santana said softly, she was staring at the floor blankly.

"You sang that song with Brittany." Rachel stated.

"Yeah."

"Was the message for Quinn or for Brittany? Maybe both?"

Santana shrugged, her eyes meeting Rachel's again, "I don't know." She told her, her eyes were glassing up tears at the precipice of falling. "I don't know what's going on with myself anymore."

Rachel seemed alarmed with the tears welling in the ex-cheerleader's eyes. "Hey, it's okay." She told her suddenly. "Being confused about your feelings—thinking you're having them for two different people is nothing to get worked up about. All of your feelings are completely valid." She assured her, rubbing her shoulder lightly with her hand.

Thank God school was over because Santana was on the verge of completely breaking down.

"I'm sorry." She said, "I love Quinn but I…"

"It's okay." Rachel repeated when Santana trailed off. "Please, don't ever apologize for being confused. Don't apologize for figuring yourself out." She watched Santana helplessly before saying, "can I hug you?" Santana didn't respond, only leaned into Rachel's embrace as the girl wrapped her arms around her, consoling her the only way she knew how. "You're very brave." Rachel told her quietly. "Doing what you did today was brave and I'm proud of you."

If you would've told Santana that she and Rachel Berry would be sharing secrets a few years ago she would've laughed in your face. Never would she have ever considered Rachel to be a friend, and a great one at that.

She was crying uncontrollably now, and she didn't know how to stop it.

She'd been doing that quite often lately.

Not knowing who you are sucked.

Thank God no one else seemed to be around anymore. How embarrassing would it be for someone to walk in and catch Rachel Berry holding Santana Lopez as she cried.

---

"I'm proud of you." Quinn said as she stood at the edge of the stage with Santana. The Glee Club was in the auditorium along with Holly waiting for the Celibacy Club to perform their song. The club was now made up of Rachel, Quinn and Puck who had joined yesterday. Mrs. Pillsbury-Howell was up on the stage along with her husband Carl, who had apparently agreed to perform with them. Quinn had asked Santana to step over to the left side of the stage with her a moment. She was standing before Santana who was leaning with her arms on the stage.

Quinn crouched down so she was more level with Santana, her dress scrunching around her legs, "I'm so incredibly proud of you for singing that song in Glee Club." She continued with a bright smile. "No matter how anyone else sees you, regardless of whether you're officially out or whatever. However you feel is so valid, San, and you took a really big step being vulnerable the way you were…and I'm amazed and so proud."

"Thanks." Santana told her.

"Um…hey, uh, sorry to interrupt." Rachel said, slowly stepping over to the pair, "Quinn, we're ready for our song." She glanced toward Santana with a small nod along with a little smile before she turned away.

"I guess that's my cue."

"Yeah…hey, what song are you singing anyway?"

"I don't even know." Quinn said standing back up, "some song Mrs. Pillsbury found."

"Break a leg or whatever." Santana said with a grin.

'Please be waiting for me, baby, when I come around
We could make a lot of lovin' 'for the sun goes down

Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
Looking forward to a little afternoon delight
Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite
And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting
Sky rockets in flight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight'

The song ended, and Brittany was the only one to applaud, standing up with a smile.

"Whoo!"

"Um, hi!" Holly raised her hand, "Holly here."

"Yeah?"

"So, I-I'm a little confused. Isn't this a strange song for the-the Celibacy Club to sing?" She asked.

Miss. Pillsbury-Howell chuckled, "but why? It's so wholesome. It was written during the Bicentennial to celebrate America and fireworks-"

"No." Holly interrupted, "it's about sneaking out for a nooner."

"Yes, exactly!" Emma smiled, "a nooner's when you have dessert in the middle of the day, right?" There was a brief silence before she turned to her husband, "right Carl?"

"Well, regardless." Mr. Schuester interrupted, "it was a great job, guys. Great number."

"It was—it was fantastic."

"Hey, Glee Club, let's go." Mr. Schuester said, before the students piled out of the auditorium.

The Glee Club filed out of the auditorium some of them snickering at the song choice of the Celibacy Club. They followed Mr. Schuester to the choir room, Rachel staying behind talking to Mrs. Pillsbury-Howell before she joined the club in the choir room. "I'm glad you all came to see the Celibacy Club perform." Rachel told them, "regardless of how the song choice turned out." She explained. "I guess it was inappropriate for the message we wanted to convey." She said as she joined the rest of the club on the risers, crossing her arms as Mr. Schuester stood in front of them.

"Be that as it may, Rachel, you, Quinn and Puck did a great job and you should be proud of your performance."

"Thank you." Rachel said somewhat bitterly, clearly embarrassed.

"This is why celibacy sucks," Santana joked trying to lighten the mood, "you try to do one thing and you end up embarrassed."

"Instead just never say no." Brittany chimed in.

"She gets it."

"There's nothing wrong with being in the Celibacy Club." Mr. Schuester said seriously, "and this whole week has been about perspective. About precaution. I can't tell you all what to do, I can just attempt to help you along the way. At the end of the day I now you're all going to make your own choices and I hope you're being careful and considering all the aspects before jumping in."

"We're not stupid." Lauren said, before pausing, her eyes falling to Brittany, "well, most of us aren't anyway."

"Watch it." Santana warned.

"Guys, let's not fight." Mr. Schuester said, "I just want you all to be the best that you can be and not throw your life away after something so small."

"I'll try not to take offense to that." Quinn said monotonus.

"All I'm saying is keep your brains active. Be considerate and careful. There's so much that could happen because of carelessness-"

"Again, offensive." Quinn interrupted.

Mr. Schuester looked at her apologetically as Rachel patted her shoulder lightly, "I'm sorry." He said. "It's coming out harsher than I mean it…I just want the best for you all."

"We get it Mr. Schue." Finn told him, "really we do."

"Then I guess we're done here." The teacher said clapping his hands together, "have a great night you guys."

---

It's not something that she's one hundred percent convinced herself of but it's something she's sort of talked herself into.

Being with Brittany.

This whole week she's been focused on herself.

On self-discovery.

On inching ever so closer to the closet door.

Brittany has been there for her every step of the way. Before Quinn had even entered the picture. There was this girl named Kiera back in cheerleading camp when Santana was 12 that she thought she may have had a crush on. She had long blonde hair and shiny blue eyes. Nothing ever happened, Santana only stared, she never said anything to Brittany either, but the girl had noticed.

Plenty.

They never discussed it, it was never brought up but that was when Santana really started questioning herself. Questioning everything she knew.

Then Quinn showed up and she had known for sure, and apparently Brittany had picked up on that too. Brittany knew everything.

How is it that Brittany knew everything?

She was patient too, she never pressured Santana for any kind of confirmation. No confessions were necessary, she only volunteered herself for help. Claimed she was always here for Santana whenever she needed.

So maybe Santana was wrong. Maybe this was one of those Romcom moments where she's surprised to realize her true love has been there the whole time?

Maybe she was just projecting everything toward the wrong blonde? Doubtful.

Maybe Brittany was it for her? Please.

Maybe Quinn was a stepping stone for everything she'd ever really wanted? Yeah right.

She doesn't want to go as far as to say her feelings for Quinn were made up. Doesn't want to say they were invalid, but maybe she had feelings for Brittany too.

Maybe she felt something for Brittany first and it's just now coming to light.

She's not sure why this makes sense to her so clearly right now when just yesterday she was hung up on someone else entirely, but it does. It's like overnight everything just came out so clearly to her.

Brittany had feelings for her and she had feelings for Brittany.Kinda.

Why not explore them?

Isn't that what she told Quinn to do about Finn? Wasn't this the right choice?

Brittany was kind and caring and so sweet it almost hurt. It wouldn't be perfect with her because sometimes Brittany didn't seem to have a mind of her own, but it would be simple.

It'd be a nice change of pace.

It was decided, Santana was gonna take a risk.

She was gonna put it all out there.

They would be good together. They could do this.

She talked herself into it and once she'd reached the hallway in school seeing Brittany standing at her locker, there was no turning back. She was going for it.

"Hi." Santana started when she walked over to Brittany, looking around warily at the rest of the students who passed them by.

"Hey."

"Can we talk?"

"But we never do that." Brittany replied, confused as she pushed a book into her locker.

"Yeah, I know." Santana replied. "But, um, I wanted to thank you for performing that song with me in Glee Club."

"Yeah." Brittany told her.

Santana was fighting back tears when she continued, "cause it's made me do a lot of thinking…" She paused taking in a deep breath, "and what I've realized is why I'm such a bitch all the time. I'm a bitch because I'm angry. I'm angry because I have all of these feelings…" She cut herself off as a student pressed a little too close to them. "Feelings for you." She continued her voice a little lower. "That I'm afraid of dealing with because I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences…And Brittany, I can't-I can't go to an Indigo Girls concert. I just can't."

"I understand that." Brittany replied softly.

Santana swallowed away her tears, "do you understand what I'm trying to say here?"

Brittany shook her head with a frown, "no. Not really."

"I wanna be with you." Santana told her. "But I'm afraid of the talks and the looks. I mean, you know what happened to Kurt at this school."

"But, honey, if anybody were to ever make fun of you, you would either kick their ass or slash them with your vicious, vicious words."

"Yeah, I know." Santana sniffled a few tears actually escaping, "yeah, I know. But I'm so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back…still, I have to accept that…that I love you." She sniffled again. "I love you, and I don't want to be with Sam or Finn or any of those other guys. I just want you." Brittany stared at her disheartened Santana shook her head desperately, "please say you love me back. Please."

"Of course I love you." Brittany told her. "I do. And I would totally be with you if it weren't for Artie."

"Artie?"

"I love him too." Brittany admitted, and Santana was stunned. "I don't want to hurt him, that's not right. I can't break up with him."

"Yes, you can." Santana's voice cracked, "he's just a stupid boy."

"But it wouldn't be right." Brittany pressed on as Santana shook her head, fighting more of her tears. "Santana, you have to know if Artie and I were to ever break up and I'm lucky enough that you're still single…" She reached out taking ahold of Santana's arm.

"Don't." Santana told her, pulling her arm back.

"I am so yours." Brittany finished. "Proudly so."

"Yeah, wow." Santana bit back. "Whoever thought that being fluid meant you could be so stuck?"

"I'm sorry." Brittany told her, trying to step forward and hug her. "Don't. I'm sorry."

"Get off me!" Santana snapped pushing her back, before she turned away.

"Santana?" Quinn asked as she was passing her as she was standing at her locker in the hallway. "Hey, are you okay?"

Great. Just what she needed right now. Leave it to her to be on the verge of completely breaking down when Quinn notices her. "I'm great." She said quietly, trying to pass the blonde, really not wanting to dwell on this situation any further.

She's confused. Like genuinely confused.

She's not in love with Brittany, not quite, but she definitely feels like she could be. It's just that Brittany wouldn't understand exactly what is going on in her brain or her heart so telling her she was in love with her and wanted to be with her was easier. It sort of made more sense for her. It's just she feels like maybe she and Brittany could be good together. Or maybe she just desperately wants to get over Quinn and they've always said the best way to get over someone is to get under somebody else.

But Brittany doesn't want her. And Quinn doesn't want her (even though she does, they just shouldn't be together).

She's definitely just hurt.

"Santana." Quinn said again, definitely not buying it.

Santana stopped walking and turned back to face her ex. "What?"

"What's wrong?"

"I said I was fine." Santana said, stepping forward slightly so they weren't talking across the hallway.

"And I don't believe you." Quinn pushed back.

Santana frowned, "I can't talk about this with you."

"Talk about what? How everyone thinks you're in love with Brittany?"

That definitely sounded an alarm in her head, she stepped even closer her voice dropping in a whisper, "what are you talking about?"

Quinn shrugged, "the song you guys sang together. What Rachel said. What you said about not wanting labels."

"Okay."

Quinn's eyes searched hers subtly before she said, "look, I just want you to know that I have absolutely no hard feelings about any of this." She had paused, searching for her words, Santana knew she wasn't finished yet though, so she chose not to respond. "Obviously I'd have no right…I'm just saying that if you maybe felt something, I mean if Brittany is something that you want now—I don't know, I mean I've always kind of thought maybe you guys would—anyway I just want you to know that I support you. Always. And I want you to be happy."

And now Quinn definitely thinks she's in love with Brittany.

'I've always kind of thought maybe you guys would' So Quinn always had concerns when it came to Brittany and Santana? Why? Santana had always been nothing but clear about her feelings toward both of the blondes.

She's in love with Quinn.

Not Brittany.

"I'm not in love with Brittany." Santana told her, her frustration slipping out causing her to speak a little harsher than she'd meant too. "But maybe I wish I was."

"Oh."

"It'd be easier wouldn't it?" She continued softer. "Being with her instead of wanting you."

"Santana-"

"Don't for a second think that I don't still want you…I'm always gonna want you." Quinn shut her mouth, completely at a loss on what to say. Santana shrugged, dabbing the back of her hand against her cheek to make sure none of the tears were falling. "I want to be able to move on though." She said quietly, "you might not want to hear that but I just want to not feel so lost like I do right now."

Quinn stepped forward ever so slightly, but her eyes darted around the hall and the mess of other students lingering around made her stop. She was gonna grab Santana's hand, or brush her cheek Santana wasn't sure which but the flock of students around them caused her to stop. She hesitated before looking to the floor.

"I'm sorry."

"For being scared?" Santana asked. For being so far in the closet while Santana was trying ever so slowly to push herself out? "You have no reason to be sorry."
"I wanna be brave for you."

"I need you to be brave for yourself." Santana told her honestly, "but only when you're ready."

"You guys would be good together." Quinn told her offhandedly. "She's completely open."

Santana frowned, "yeah, well she turned me down."

Quinn turned back to her locker, finally closing the cubby before turning back to Santana, "so this whole week has been pretty crazy right?" She wondered, switching the subject, stepping forward, Santana taking the bait and turning to walk down the hall with her. "I mean with the Celibacy Club and Miss Holliday and Miss Pillsbury?"

"It has." Santana agreed, "I still can't believe you guys sang that song."

Quinn chuckled softly, "in my defense I have literally never heard that song before and Miss Pillsbury was very convincing about the meaning."

"I'm sure she was. And Dr. Carl just went along with it too."

Quinn side-eyed her as they continued out of the building. "Yeah, well, maybe he was just thinking when she realized what the song actually meant she'd finally give in and sleep with him."

"Wait, you mean?"

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

Santana shook her head, "now that I've done it, I don't think I could give up sex." She said offhandedly, but when the words actually registered in her brain she quickly said, "not that I'm having sex…I mean I haven't except with you—after the party."

"You definitely don't have to clarify."

She was right. They weren't together. Quinn was sort of, maybe seeing Finn but since she had mentioned thinking there was something between Santana and Brittany, Santana felt obligated to mention Quinn was the only one she'd been having sex with. "I just don't know how Miss Pillsbury is still a virgin. Sex is amazing."

"It is." Quinn agreed, "as long as you feel comfortable." They had reached the parking lot and were on the verge of breaking off to go to separate cars. "I quite enjoy being back in Celibacy Club though." Quinn continued, before she slowly, unsurely said, "to be honest Finn's kind of been bugging me about sex and this is a great excuse to not give in."

"What do you mean he's been bugging you?" Santana asked her tone alert, "is he pressuring you? Cause I swear to God-" What does she see in him?

"No, he's not." Quinn jumped in quickly, "really he's only asked about it a few times and I told him I wasn't ready. He thinks it's not a big deal because I'm not a virgin anymore, I don't think he understands that I really don't want to relive last year."

Santana's eyes fell to Quinn's face as she told her, "please tell me if he pressures you." She requested, "I am completely uncomfortable with this conversation, but I don't want him to hurt you. You're my best friend and I just want you to be okay."

Quinn smiled brightly, "I feel absolutely the same about you…Santana, I meant what I said about Brittany, if you're having feelings for her now or whatever, I definitely support it." There was a hint of sadness in her eyes, but the tone of her voice definitely disguised whatever pain she was feeling.

"I don't want to lie to you…I have been kind of simmering on some thoughts recently and Miss Holliday helped me see myself a little more clearly, but I still have a lot of things to work out."

"Maybe you wanna dwell on it a little in Celibacy Club?" Quinn joked with a smirk. "We could always use some new members."

"Eh, why not?" Santana shrugged, "it's not like I'm having sex."

---

"I hereby call the Celibacy Club to order." Rachel smiled, smashing the gavel down.

"Where's Miss Pillsbury?" Puck asked.

"She decided to take the hour she was spending here to use it to fix her sham of a marriage. In the interm, I'll be taking over."

"Because you annoyingly take over everything?" Santana asked.

"Because I realize that while all of us making our celibacy pledge is wonderful one day we're gonna fall in love with someone and we're gonna choose to be intimate with them."

"Speaking of being intimate, what's with the hickey, Quinn?" Puck shot to the blonde.

"It's not a hickey." Quinn replied.

It is a hickey. And it's one that Santana didn't make. She had tried not to stare at it all day. She'd noticed it first period she had with Quinn which was English class. The girl had sat down in the normal seat next to Santana and her hair had fallen in just the right place for Santana to see it. Quinn saw her eyes fall to her neck, and she looked a little ashamed but before she had a chance to say anything their teacher had come in to begin class.

The rest of the day had Santana dying inside about Finn Hudson giving Quinn a hickey. She couldn't help but picture it when she was sitting in a class in silence for too long and then she immediately felt sick.

She wanted to be over Quinn, she really did, but it felt impossible. She still loved her, hopelessly and completely.

"Oh, I know hickeys. I'm a freaking connoisseur." Puck continued, "I can make them into shapes, like balloon animals."

"I burnt myself this morning with a curling iron." Quinn told them.

"The key is to use the curling iron in the bathtub to keep from getting burnt." Brittany smiled, glancing to Quinn.

"No." Lauren shook her head, shooting Brittany a glance.

We definitely need to talk.
-San

They hadn't really said anything proper to each other for the whole day, which is definitely the longest they've ever gone without speaking with each other. And sitting in this lame ass Celibacy Club (something she had thought she ditched last year) she needed something to preoccupy her mind. She watched Brittany pull out her phone and take a quick glance at the message. Her blue eyes bounced subtly to Santana before she looked back to her phone.

For sure. When?
-Britt

Santana stared at her screen, did she want to talk today? Maybe she should put it off a little longer. She honestly had a lot of thinking to do so today probably wasn't the best time for it. She looked back to Brittany who was whispering with Artie. Her eyes fell to Quinn who was brushing a hand through her hair trying to hide her hickey.
It hurt seeing Quinn marked by someone else.

Soon. I still need a few days to breathe.
-San

Santana felt her phone buzz in her hands almost instantly, Brittany had already sent her reply.

Whenever you're ready, Santana.
-Britt

She didn't say anything else only shoved her phone away and sat with them in silence the rest of the club. Her attention fell from hazel eyes to blue ones and she watched them both very timidly. This whole time she's been sitting there she can't help but ask herself…

Did she fall for the wrong blonde?

---

So for those of you still reading, please give me your input, how'd I do with the Brittana? They've never been a favorite couple of mine (no cannon one ever was lol clearly I prefer Quinntana, even though they're not technically a thing) but I've always thought their relationship/friendship was adorable as a whole and I loved Naya/Heather's chemistry so I'm trying my best to include it, but work around it for my story. If all goes well I want to get to the end of season 3 because after that Quinn's basically gone and then Brittana gets married and I can't write around that lol

Thanks for reading. Sorry it's taken me 9 years to get this far, I find that incredibly ridiculous but life has gotten in the way.