The Work-Life Balance Disruption
Chapter 31
Reconciliations
"I couldn't have been any clearer with my intentions, if you ask me," he continued, walking back and forth in front of her. "But instead here you are, thinking I do this every semester apparently, with a different girl…"
Amy blushed. Okay, so maybe not.
He came to a halt and turned to look at her.
"Do you think I planned for this to happen?" he asked cynically. "Falling in love with you?"
Doctor Cooper appeared almost out of breath, or in the very least really worked-up. He was red in the face and he looked at her with a shocked expression on his face; as if he hadn't planned to blurt out that last statement.
Amy was too shocked to reply. She gaped at him, unable to form words.
Her heart was in her throat, preventing her from speaking. She made a few non-committal sounds before she was able to say anything coherent. She was unable to reply to this confession, so she just stuttered out the first thing of all his statements that had confused her.
"W-wha.. p-presents? W-what presents? What do you mean?"
Or maybe not so coherent after all.
Doctor Cooper's eyes widened as he shot her a look. Probably because she wasn't responding to his latest statement, but something he had said before that.
She couldn't respond to what he just said. She just couldn't. Her body was flushed with heat. Her mind felt like it was stuffed with wool, making it unable to think about or even register fully what he had just blurted out to her. Do you think I planned for this to happen? Falling in love with you?
He was in love with her.
Her heart beat rapidly, almost bursting out of her chest.
In love. With her.
Nope. Not able to process it. At all.
He gave an exasperated sigh. "Fine, ignore what I said then," he muttered angrily. "And yes, presents. Plural. Well, according to Leonard the Batman underwear doesn't count, but I think this one does."
He had moved to a messenger bag next to his desk and grabbed a neatly wrapped box. He put it down on the desk rather forcefully, in the same spot her paper had just been, before she had stuffed that in her bag.
Amy blinked, looking down at it. What could he have possibly gotten her?
"What is this?" she asked with a small voice.
"It doesn't really matter now, does it?" Doctor Cooper snarled angrily. "You can open it later, when you're at home, thinking about all the other students I'm doing God-knows-what with, or when you're having wine with those blonde bimbo's who feed you all sorts of half-truths about me."
Amy felt as if her blush couldn't get any bigger.
He was angry – not just angry though, almost livid – about her earlier assumptions. But really, it wasn't as if she was to take all the blame for these misconceptions. He hadn't really been forthcoming, had he?
"Well, that's uncalled for," she said, feeling angry herself.
"Is it?" he hissed, "you've just made some very serious allegations about not only my character, but my integrity as a professor as well!"
Amy felt a strange mixture of embarrassment and aggravation. Maybe she had been wrong to assume all this about him, but what was she supposed to think? All the signs pointed to him being kind of loose with either his students or his colleagues. How was she supposed to know about all his 'extracurricular activities'? Buying presents, his aversion to churches and going to the funeral anyway, doing cases for her father…
And also, he had never said anything before all this! The only thing he had said was that he wanted to wait with sex. Which made perfect sense to past-Amy, considering his scandalous past with a colleague.
He had done nothing to make her think better of him, and now he was mad at her that she had drawn the wrong conclusions?
"Well, what was I supposed to think? Based on the currently established parameters of… whatever this is between us, how was I supposed to know you wanted anything besides physical relations with me?" Amy asked.
Doctor Cooper sighed deeply.
"I may have been reluctant in voicing my intentions," he said, "but I had assumed you were intelligent enough to read between the lines as it were – or at least to draw some accurate conclusions about my behaviour towards you, Amy."
She stared at him. Her stomach still constricted with nerves.
He was in love with her.
"I couldn't have been any clearer than I already was," he repeated.
Amy bit her lip. She didn't know how to respond. She stalled, hoping something would come to her. The current situation was not only incredibly awkward, it was painful as well. Insults had flown back and forth, about her intelligence and about his questionable behaviour.
They were left with some sort of impasse.
Amy couldn't find any words to say. He was in love with her. She still couldn't process it.
"You have until Wednesday evening to hand in your revised paper," he stated after she was silent too long, while taking his seat behind the desk again. "Please, take everything with you and see yourself out."
He busied himself with some papers. The tendons in his half-bared arms flexing. Amy swallowed thickly. Would this be the last time that she could ogle him like this?
She had to act now, before it was too late.
"Sheldon…" she murmured.
He looked up at her, one of his eyebrows raised in a perfect arch.
"That's Doctor Cooper for you, Miss Fowler," his tone was indifferent and he quickly looked away from her again. "And the door is right behind you, since you seem to have trouble locating it."
Amy's heart sank. Maybe it was too late already.
She grabbed the neatly wrapped box from the desk, and her bag from the floor, and hastily made her way out of his office.
Amy didn't really know how she got home after this. Everything passed in a blur. She realised she should be happy that she hadn't been in an accident, with her reckless movements through the university and traffic.
She took a seat on her couch and replayed the conversation between herself and Doctor Cooper – Sheldon – in her head. As much as she could, it was all a blur in her head.
In hindsight, all his explanations made perfect sense. He had asked her to come in his office as his last appointment of the day. Had he been meaning to ask her out? But she had been spiteful and stubborn. It hadn't been pretty, how she had accused him of having affairs with multiple students or had questioned his integrity.
Especially when she replayed his arguments in her head. His presence at the funeral, in a church. He was a physicist, it made sense that he wasn't religious. Yet he had come. Not only that, he had spent his evening taking care of her when she hadn't shown up to their appointment. He had held her as she cried about Aunt Flora and her difficult relationship with her mother, he had made her food and he had stopped her from doing something she might have regretted later.
And at the funeral, he had stood up to her mother. Which caused him even more work later when he had to work even harder for her approval. And then her father. With his troubles at work she knew nothing of, and he had sorted it out like it was no big deal.
But even before all that, there was all the other stuff. Zack, and his attempt to grope her in that bar. He had held her that time and seen her home. She recalled their hugs and how she had been so nervous around him afterwards.
Then there were of course all the dirty things they had done. And when she looked back on those – in the lab, in his classroom, in her bed, at his apartment, in the library – he had been teaching her even then, but he was patient with her and had always made sure she enjoyed herself. Their physical attraction was undeniable.
Yet, despite all this, she had completely misinterpreted his intentions with her.
Falling in love with you.
Her heart felt warm. She took a shuddering breath.
She had screwed up by not responding to that. Hopefully he would understand that she needed some time to herself before she could truly give the response she wanted to give him.
The wrapped up gift in her bag caught her eye. With trembling hands, she unwrapped it carefully. A soft pink music box came into view. She recognized the pattern immediately. Her breath caught in her throat as her ears were flooded with the ghost of Aunt Flora's laughter. She could practically smell Chanel no. 5.
She tightened the screw on the back, and opened the lid of the box. Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake played as the figurine of the ballerina in front of the mirror twirled around.
Her heart constricted painfully in her chest, and a sob escaped her throat.
Bernadette helped her revise her paper the next day, she knew next to nothing about physics, but Sheldon had corrected her paper so thoroughly, Amy basically only needed to copy his feedback.
"So, uhm…" Amy tried to start, while she opened a bottle of wine. "I wanted to talk to you about Do- Sheldon."
Bernadette smirked at her. "Obviously."
Amy gave her a look.
"Yesterday when I was in his office to discuss my paper," Amy started. "He ehm…"
"Yes?" Bernadette questioned.
"Well, he kinda told me he's in love with me," Amy blurted out, "and I didn't really respond. So he made me leave and now I don't really know what to do."
Bernadette's eyes couldn't get any bigger. "He said what now?" she squeaked.
Amy blushed. "I don't think he meant to say it though, he was pissed off. I was accusing him of just wanting a sexual relationship with me, like he had had with that ex of his…" she trailed off. "But I mean, what was I supposed to think? All we ever did was rile each other up until one of us cracked and we ended up doing sex-stuff… "
Bernadette just took a sip of her wine.
"You're so insecure, Amy," Bernadette said after a beat. "I think you only thought that because deep down you can't believe someone might be interested in you for you."
Amy looked at her. She felt called out. Of course she was insecure. And why would a man like Sheldon want her? It wasn't as if she was particularly pretty, or skinny, or had big breasts. It made no sense.
"It's so funny you don't see it," Bernadette said, smiling at her. "He is so into you. And why wouldn't he be? You're a great girl, Ames."
Amy shrugged. She wasn't convinced.
"If only you could see the way he looks at you when you're not looking," Bernadette continued. "And if I hear Howard complain one more time about how Sheldon won't stop talking about you or mentioning you whenever he has the chance, I'm going to throw a fit."
Amy perked up, a little.
"So, you screwed up?" Bernadette asked. "What did you say when he told you he loved you?"
"I asked him what he meant when he said he had gotten me presents," Amy mumbled, sipping her wine.
Bernadette guffawed. "Auch," she said sympathetically.
The both of them took a sip of their wines. "Yeah," Amy said quietly. "And he got me the most thoughtful gift."
She showed Bernadette the musical jewellery box and explained to her it was exactly like the one her great aunt had. Together they watched the ballerina twirl around and listened to the oboe play the recognizable tune still she stopped twirling.
"But your mom threw it out?" Bernadette asked, confused.
"This is not the actual music box my aunt used to have, but it's the same make," Amy mumbled. And she realised together with Bernadette that Sheldon must have asked her mother about it, so he could get her the same one. She swallowed thickly.
"Amy?" Bernadette interrupted her thoughts.
"Yes?"
"How do you feel about Sheldon?"
Amy blushed and fiddled with the hem of her skirt. Apparently neither one of them had been really obvious in their intentions.
"Say no more," Bernadette winked. "Damage control it is, then. We can fix this, Ames."
The next days passed in a blur. Amy uploaded her revised paper to the digital server on Wednesday morning, after going over it one last time. She had a light headache from the bottle of wine she and Bernadette had finished the evening prior.
The last three days of the semester were spent running around the lab. The monkeys had gone crazy when they had switched the regular cigarettes to herbal cigarettes or, in some cases neglected to give them any cigarettes altogether. Most of the time in the lab was spend either avoiding flying faeces, or running around with the fire extinguisher putting out the fires the capuchins were deliberately starting with their lighters because of their nicotine withdrawal.
She and Bernadette had been working nights trying to finish up their work.
She had been so busy with everything – the results, the tests, the bloodwork – that she had had barely any time to think about Sheldon or her final grade.
The fact that neither of them had tried to contact the other was bothering her.
She wasn't sure if she should be the one to seek him out – he was still her teacher. Not anymore after today. But still.
With every passing day she felt worse for how she had reacted to him. Or how she hadn't reacted to him, to be more precise. She hadn't even send him a text to thank him for the music box. And he hadn't send her any message whatsoever to let her know he had received her revised paper.
On Tuesday, Bernadette told her that she would be able to fix something up to return the favour. If it weren't for Amy's meddling, Howard and Bernadette would still be mutually pining over one another after all. Amy wondered what she was cooking up.
Amy was towel drying her hair when she re-entered the lab that Friday afternoon. She had just taken her last shower of the year in the decontamination room, and she looked forward to never showering there again.
Bernadette had showered before her, and was sort of dressed up. She was wearing a dress that Amy had never seen before at least.
"Hey," Amy said, surprise evident in her voice. "Are you going somewhere?"
"Correction, we are going somewhere," Bernadette grinned at her.
Amy frowned at her. She was in the usual sweats she wore after showering in the decontamination room, having spent the day working in the lab, surrounded by smoke and smelly monkeys. The clothes she had worn during the day were definitely not fit to be worn again.
"Fine," Amy said, actually feeling too tired to do much after a physically and emotionally exhausting week, but she could go out for a few drinks. The semester was over after all. "But can we stop by my place first? I can't really go out wearing this."
"No need," Bernadette smirked. "Howie just dropped this off; I had him pick it up at the mall."
She handed Amy a shopping bag. Amy opened it, and peaked inside. Light blue. She hardly ever wore light blue.
"What's this?" she asked.
"That is the dress you'll be wearing tonight," Bernadette said gleefully. "Sheldon's gonna love it."
Amy's heart jumped. Would they be seeing Sheldon tonight? She wasn't prepared for that.
"W-what?"
"You see," Bernadette said, throwing her a wink. "It's the almost the same dress as the one you wore to the funeral, in what I can only guess is Sheldon's favourite colour."
"The colour of his own eyes?" Amy deadpanned, unamused by this turn of events.
Bernadette shook her head and giggled.
"No, silly! The colour of Spock's uniform."
Amy felt awkward as she walked into the restaurant. The dress was as tight, if not tighter, as the black one, and this colour made people's heads turn. She was filled with nerves. Bernadette hadn't wanted to say any more to her about what she had planned for the evening.
Amy looked around the restaurant anxiously, trying to spot the foursome of men seated at a table. She saw none of them. Maybe they would come in later?
"Reservation for Rostenkowski," Bernadette squeaked to the maître d'.
"Ah, yes," the man responded, looking through a list, "I see the rest of your party has already arrived. Follow me, please."
Amy's heart beat rapidly in her throat, and she hoped the fabric of the dress wouldn't show the nervous sweat that was gathering on the back of her neck. They followed the maître d' through the small, quaint tables to the back of the restaurant. If Amy hadn't been this nervous, she might have been able to enjoy the nice ambiance of the restaurant Bernadette had picked out.
The maître d' indicated to a table where Penny sat, wearing a lilac dress and looking fabulous as ever. Although, she always looked like a goddess according to Amy. Penny waved at them enthusiastically. Amy's shoulders sagged in relief when she saw that the table was only set for three people.
Penny got up from the table to hug the both of them.
"Oh my God, Amy! You look amazing!" she exclaimed. She gave Amy an appreciative once-over, and Amy couldn't help but blush from her compliments.
"So do you," she said, indicating to Penny's outfit.
"This old thing," Penny dismissed her nice words with the wave of her hand. "I'm just so excited to eat together, just the three of us. And this place is so nice! Leonard took me here for Valentine's Day once, but at least now I'll be able to order the cheese platter-for-two without having to live in fear of Leonard's lactose intolerant body ruining the rest of the night!"
Amy and Bernadette laughed. Amy felt herself relax a little as the evening wore on. It was nice, spending time with them like this. They ate lovely French dishes with accompanying wine – Bernadette stopped Amy from ordering a third glass though – and laughed and talked about nothing in particular. But never about Sheldon or any of the other men.
Amy had almost forgotten about everything that had happened that week, feeling more at ease than she had in weeks. She was scraping the dish that had contained her crème brulée clean with her spoon, when Bernadette spoke up.
"We should be going," she said, typing rapidly on her phone. "Howie says the party is a bust and he can't really keep the guys there much longer. He's convinced them to stay until Siebert speeches at least."
"Alrighty," Penny said, standing up while looking at her phone. "There's an Uber not too far from here, I'll book him."
Within minutes, Amy and Penny stood outside the restaurant, watching the street for a white Toyota Prius. Bernadette was settling the bill inside.
"You look great, Ames," Penny said again.
"Thanks," she muttered, and then, unable to stop herself blurted out. "So, uhm.. how's Sheldon been?"
"He's been more cranky than usual," Penny said. "Focussed on his work mostly, according to Leonard. He's been ignoring me. And when he wasn't ignoring me, he has been giving me the cold shoulder. It was to be expected."
Amy didn't really know how to respond to this. He was mad at Penny for talking to her about his ex. Should Amy apologize to Penny for blabbing to Sheldon? Her earlier anxiety was returning. She was glad to see a car pull up to the curb. Bernadette joined them seconds later.
"East California Blvd, right?" the Uber driver asked Penny as she climbed in the shot gun seat.
"Are we going to Caltech?" Amy asked, confirming what she already suspected.
"Yes," Bernadette nodded. "The physics department is having their Christmas mixer. We thought we'd surprise the guys with our presence."
"Howard isn't a physicist," Amy said, confused. Her stomach felt queasy with nerves already.
"Like they check that at the door!" Penny exclaimed. "Last year, they let anyone in there. From what I've heard, they are so desperate for the faculty members to attend to fill up the room, that they don't mind a few strays. And if they stop us at the door, we'll just grab our men and leave."
Their men. Penny made it seem as if Sheldon was hers. He wasn't though. And she had screwed up so badly, he probably would never be hers anyway.
Penny had been right. The party seemed to be accessible to practically anyone. Amy felt a lump in her throat when she entered and looked around. She spotted Sheldon easily. He stood tall next to the other three men, looking bored and not at all at ease.
"Come on," Penny said, taking Amy's hand and pulling her towards the men.
Amy awkwardly tried to keep up with Penny's rather quick strides. But they weren't moving to the men at all, Penny made a rather sharp turn to the bar. Amy felt more than one pair of eyes in her back.
"We're going to let them come to us," Penny whispered conspiratorially, throwing her another wink.
Amy grimaced. Even now, she was still playing games of sorts with him. It didn't really seem fair to him. Especially after he had made it so clear that he was not amused by the half-truths Penny and Bernadette had told her. He had been ignoring both of them for the whole week, and now they stuck together at a party thrown by his department. It seemed unnecessary hurtful.
"Penny, I'd rather go say hello to him first," Amy rebutted. Penny shrugged and handed her a glass of some sort of party punch.
"Why, if it isn't Miss Fowler and the future Mrs. Hofstadter," the lisping voice of Barry Kripke interrupted them.
Amy felt uncomfortable under his leering gaze. She didn't have to feel like that for long though, because Penny appeared unamused by his comment.
"What? Future Mrs. Hofstadter? What the hell is Leonard telling people around here?" she replied angrily.
Kripke seemed taken aback by her response, and Amy saw her chance; she quickly slunk away from them. She could faintly hear Kripke sputter something about Leonard proposing during sex, and everyone laughing about it in the break room. Amy raised her eyebrows, and made a mental note to ask about this particular titbit later.
She walked up to the four men and Bernadette with a new sense of determination. If she wanted to fix whatever this was between herself and Doct - -Sheldon, she'd have to do it now.
It could go two ways, she reasoned. Either he'd be thrilled to see her, and he'd proceed to confess his love for her, while dragging her home to have his way with her. Or… or he'd reject her and she'd be leaving the party broken-hearted, but at least she'd be dressed to the nines.
Both options frightened her beyond belief.
"Hey Amy," Leonard greeted her first. He grinned at her. Bernadette and Howard were pretty busy gazing in each other's eyes and just threw her quick smiles. Rajesh Koothrappali gave her a nod and held up his lime-green cocktail in a toast.
"Good evening, Amy," he said.
Sheldon only stared at her. He looked stoic as ever, clad in suit, with his hands behind his back.
"Hello," Amy murmured. Her heart fluttered in her chest. His blue eyes seemed to be burning through her again.
"Miss Fowler," he said tonelessly. "I see the door policy is extremely lacking tonight."
Amy tried not to look too affected by this sneer. "What do you mean? I thought this was the physics Christmas mixer… I took a class in physics this semester, you know."
Sheldon scoffed.
"Hey, ehm… I see Penny waving me over, I'm going to go say hi," Leonard muttered awkwardly, and quickly powerwalked past them.
"I'll come with you!" Koothrappali added readily, and he followed him to the other end of the room. Amy averted her gaze from Sheldon to watch them go, and noticed that Howard and Bernadette had also moved away without her noticing, they were seated at a table to whisper quietly to each other.
Neither she nor Sheldon commented on the lame excuses their friends gave to leave them alone.
"If you've come here to ask me to change your grade again, I'll have to disappoint you, Miss Fowler. The marks are already finalised and submitted to the dean's office," he said after a few uncomfortable seconds, staring in the distance as he spoke.
"I didn't come here to ask you to change my grade," Amy said, mustering up all her courage.
Sheldon moved his gaze from the far end of the room to her face.
"Why did you here come then, Miss Fowler?" he asked, his voice void of emotion.
Amy took a deep breath and tried not to stutter as she said her next words.
"I came here to ask you out, actually," she said softly. "If you'll still have me."
To be continued
A/N Sorry to keep you waiting after last chapter's bombshell (or bombSheldon, ha ha).
Stay safe and stay sane. I hope you and your loved ones are doing well.
Let me know your thoughts.